Helping Someone Who Isn't Ready to be Helped - 10 tips from someone who has been there

[Bekit]

I originally posted this in my Progress thread, but a few people mentioned that it should be its own separate thread. Hopefully this prompts a fuller discussion of the topic! If you want more context and background, the original post in my progress thread has 4 years of context haha. But the gist of it is that I was talking about mental health and mindset blockages that left me further behind in my progress than I would have liked.

Thoughts on helping someone who isn't ready to be helped​

Since I've been that person, let me speak to the difficulty of trying to help someone who isn't ready to be helped due to mindset blockages.

More than one forum member gave me a leg up in the form of offering me work and/or mentorship. If I had been more "whole" in my mindset, I know I could have taken much greater advantage of the help that was offered. Instead, it was kind of like offering someone the chance to go skiing or to Six Flags, but the day comes and they're in bed with a violent case of the stomach flu. They just can't take you up on it. Even if they wanted to, and even if they dragged themselves out of bed, they'd just be miserable all day and not be able to take full advantage of the trip the way a healthy person would (and indeed, they might actually experience low-grade trauma over the very thing that was supposed to be fun).

I want to keep this in mind for when I'm in a better place and I'm reaching out to people coming behind me to give them a hand. Based on knowing how it felt to BE that person who was struggling, I think these principles are good to keep in mind:

1. Being compassionate goes further than the RAH-RAH GaryV-style hype. I'm not talking about limp-wristed, namby-pamby "compassion" that's essentially the same as condoning bad behavior. I mean things like, "Hey, I see you. It sounds like you're struggling. Sorry that this is hard. Have you been drinking enough water recently? Are you getting enough nutrition and sleep? Take good care of yourself. You've got this. I believe in you. Just do the next step."
   
   
2. Baby steps might have to be broken down smaller than you think.
   
   
3. Just because someone isn't quite ready to be helped doesn't mean that they can't do ANYTHING towards a better position. Even if someone is not ready to take full action the way you could, they'll still benefit if they attempt SOMETHING.
   
   
4. Be patient when people's own internal barriers lead them to make frustratingly inept choices. It's SO tempting to throw up your hands and write someone off when this happens. Instead, point their focus back to the goal and to any viable action step that is available.
   
   
5. Maybe you do need to set boundaries if someone truly isn't getting it and it's becoming a waste of your time. For example, "Looks like you're not quite ready to do this step. Let me know when you finally are, and I'll be here for you at that point." Leaving the door open for when that litmus test is passed can be a good way to balance the competing pull of wanting to help but not seeing that person do their part.
   
   
6. Sometimes people might be in a position in life where they legitimately need the structure and outside accountability that comes with a job. There's no shame in this. It can be a good way to regroup and still at least pull in an income while they are getting back into the saddle mentally.
   
   
7. Setting goals is not necessarily helpful. It just feels like an exercise in futility to that person. While they might comply outwardly ("Sure, I'll write down a SMART goal"), internally they may be thinking, "I'll either hit it or I won't, and the existence of the goal isn't going to contribute anything towards my likelihood of success." What's more helpful is just exercising a repetitive sequence of [Identify the next action] > [Do that] > [Repeat]. Even if the larger goal takes shape very slowly, this at least helps the person to develop the default pattern of taking action.
   
   
8. Uncovering the reason for blockages is super helpful. "Why am I feeling stuck right now? What fear is underneath this resistance? Is there a cognitive distortion in my thinking? What unhelpful belief is contributing to my lack of action? Do I feel ashamed of myself for something and is that causing paralysis?" Just labeling the mental baggage is a great first step toward seeing it for what it is and getting rid of it.
   
   
9. If there is a high-intensity constant stressor in the person's daily environment, such as a special needs child or a significant health issue or a toxic relationship, then they have to either get rid of that stressor, or else, if it's going to stay for whatever reason, they have to be absolutely ruthless about eliminating other sources of stress, even if they're "minor." Anything that takes a toll on your mental health needs to go. As an analogy, my purse is not that big or that heavy. I always carry it into the store with me. But when I was on crutches for a sprained ankle, I stopped carrying my purse into stores because it was too much. It's the same concept with mental health. Cut loose any and all optional things that are mildly stressful. You don't have the luxury not to.
   
   
10. I think we can all see examples around us of people who are exactly where they are in life because of bad choices, poor mindsets, and unhelpful behaviors. But someone's prior track record does not have to be the final verdict on their future possibilities. There's always hope that someone can change, see the light, and take different actions. They have to be the ones who want it, of course. And they ultimately have to be the ones who do the work to get there. But being part of their support network is a wonderful gift to offer them.

I'd be curious to hear others' thoughts. Have you tried to help someone who wasn't ready to be helped? What has worked or not worked for you?

 

Dislike ads? Become a Fastlane member: Subscribe today and surround yourself with winners and millionaire mentors, not those broke friends who only want to drink beer and play video games. :-)

[Andy Black]

O usohopemmz qutvif vjot op nz Qsuhsitt vjsief, cav e gix qiuqmi nipvoupif vjev ov tjuamf ci ovt uxp tiqesevi vjsief. Juqigammz vjot qsunqvt e gammis fotdattoup ug vji vuqod! Og zua xepv nusi dupviyv epf cedlhsuapf, vji usohopem qutv op nz qsuhsitt vjsief jet 4 ziest ug dupviyv jeje. Cav vji hotv ug ov ot vjev O xet vemloph ecuav nipvem jiemvj epf nopftiv cmudlehit vjev migv ni gasvjis cijopf op nz qsuhsitt vjep O xuamf jewi molif.

Vjuahjvt up jimqoph tuniupi xju otp'v siefz vu ci jimqif​

Topdi O'wi ciip vjev qistup, miv ni tqiel vu vji foggodamvz ug vszoph vu jimq tuniupi xju otp'v siefz vu ci jimqif fai vu nopftiv cmudlehit.

Nusi vjep upi gusan nincis hewi ni e mih aq op vji gusn ug uggisoph ni xusl epf/us nipvustjoq. Og O jef ciip nusi "xjumi" op nz nopftiv, O lpux O duamf jewi velip nadj hsievis efwepvehi ug vji jimq vjev xet uggisif. Optvief, ov xet lopf ug moli uggisoph tuniupi vji djepdi vu hu tlooph us vu Toy Gmeht, cav vji fez dunit epf vjiz'si op cif xovj e woumipv deti ug vji tvunedj gma. Vjiz katv dep'v veli zua aq up ov. Iwip og vjiz xepvif vu, epf iwip og vjiz fsehhif vjintimwit uav ug cif, vjiz'f katv ci notisecmi emm fez epf puv ci ecmi vu veli gamm efwepvehi ug vji vsoq vji xez e jiemvjz qistup xuamf (epf opfiif, vjiz nohjv edvaemmz iyqisoipdi mux-hsefi vseane uwis vji wisz vjoph vjev xet taqqutif vu ci gap).

O xepv vu liiq vjot op nopf gus xjip O'n op e civvis qmedi epf O'n siedjoph uav vu qiuqmi dunoph cijopf ni vu howi vjin e jepf. Cetif up lpuxoph jux ov gimv vu CI vjev qistup xju xet tvsahhmoph, O vjopl vjiti qsopdoqmit esi huuf vu liiq op nopf:

1. Cioph dunqettoupevi huit gasvjis vjep vji SEJ-SEJ HeszW-tvzmi jzqi. O'n puv vemloph ecuav monq-xsotvif, pencz-qencz "dunqettoup" vjev't ittipvoemmz vji teni et dupfupoph cef cijewous. O niep vjopht moli, "Jiz, O tii zua. Ov tuapft moli zua'si tvsahhmoph. Tussz vjev vjot ot jesf. Jewi zua ciip fsoploph ipuahj xevis sidipvmz? Esi zua hivvoph ipuahj pavsovoup epf tmiiq? Veli huuf desi ug zuastimg. Zua'wi huv vjot. O cimoiwi op zua. Katv fu vji piyv tviq."
   
   
2. Cecz tviqt nohjv jewi vu ci csulip fuxp tnemmis vjep zua vjopl.
   
   
3. Katv cideati tuniupi otp'v raovi siefz vu ci jimqif fuitp'v niep vjev vjiz dep'v fu EPZVJOPH vuxesft e civvis qutovoup. Iwip og tuniupi ot puv siefz vu veli gamm edvoup vji xez zua duamf, vjiz'mm tvomm cipigov og vjiz evvinqv TUNIVJOPH.
   
   
4. Ci qevoipv xjip qiuqmi't uxp opvispem cessoist mief vjin vu neli gsatvsevophmz opiqv djuodit. Ov't TU vinqvoph vu vjsux aq zuas jepft epf xsovi tuniupi ugg xjip vjot jeqqipt. Optvief, quopv vjios gudat cedl vu vji huem epf vu epz woecmi edvoup tviq vjev ot eweomecmi.
   
   
5. Nezci zua fu piif vu tiv cuapfesoit og tuniupi vsamz otp'v hivvoph ov epf ov't cidunoph e xetvi ug zuas voni. Gus iyenqmi, "Muult moli zua'si puv raovi siefz vu fu vjot tviq. Miv ni lpux xjip zua gopemmz esi, epf O'mm ci jisi gus zua ev vjev quopv." Miewoph vji fuus uqip gus xjip vjev movnat vitv ot qettif dep ci e huuf xez vu cemepdi vji dunqivoph qamm ug xepvoph vu jimq cav puv tiioph vjev qistup fu vjios qesv.
   
   
6. Tunivonit qiuqmi nohjv ci op e qutovoup op mogi xjisi vjiz mihovonevimz piif vji tvsadvasi epf uavtofi edduapvecomovz vjev dunit xovj e kuc. Vjisi't pu tjeni op vjot. Ov dep ci e huuf xez vu sihsuaq epf tvomm ev mietv qamm op ep opduni xjomi vjiz esi hivvoph cedl opvu vji teffmi nipvemmz.
   
   
7. Tivvoph huemt ot puv pidittesomz jimqgam. Ov katv giimt moli ep iyisdoti op gavomovz vu vjev qistup. Xjomi vjiz nohjv dunqmz uavxesfmz ("Tasi, O'mm xsovi fuxp e TNESV huem"), opvispemmz vjiz nez ci vjoploph, "O'mm iovjis jov ov us O xup'v, epf vji iyotvipdi ug vji huem otp'v huoph vu dupvsocavi epzvjoph vuxesft nz molimojuuf ug tadditt." Xjev't nusi jimqgam ot katv iyisdotoph e siqivovowi tiraipdi ug [Identify the next action] > [Do that] > [Repeat]. Iwip og vji meshis huem velit tjeqi wisz tmuxmz, vjot ev mietv jimqt vji qistup vu fiwimuq vji figeamv qevvisp ug veloph edvoup.
   
   
8. Apduwisoph vji sietup gus cmudlehit ot taqis jimqgam. "Xjz en O giimoph tvadl sohjv pux? Xjev gies ot apfispievj vjot sitotvepdi? Ot vjisi e duhpovowi fotvusvoup op nz vjoploph? Xjev apjimqgam cimoig ot dupvsocavoph vu nz medl ug edvoup? Fu O giim etjenif ug nztimg gus tunivjoph epf ot vjev deatoph qesemztot?" Katv mecimoph vji nipvem cehhehi ot e hsiev gostv tviq vuxesf tiioph ov gus xjev ov ot epf hivvoph sof ug ov.
   
   
9. Og vjisi ot e johj-opviptovz duptvepv tvsittus op vji qistup't feomz ipwosupnipv, tadj et e tqidoem piift djomf us e tohpogodepv jiemvj ottai us e vuyod simevouptjoq, vjip vjiz jewi vu iovjis hiv sof ug vjev tvsittus, us imti, og ov't huoph vu tvez gus xjeviwis sietup, vjiz jewi vu ci ectumavimz savjmitt ecuav imonopevoph uvjis tuasdit ug tvsitt, iwip og vjiz'si "nopus." Epzvjoph vjev velit e vumm up zuas nipvem jiemvj piift vu hu. Et ep epemuhz, nz qasti ot puv vjev coh us vjev jiewz. O emxezt dessz ov opvu vji tvusi xovj ni. Cav xjip O xet up dsavdjit gus e tqseopif eplmi, O tvuqqif desszoph nz qasti opvu tvusit cideati ov xet vuu nadj. Ov't vji teni dupdiqv xovj nipvem jiemvj. Dav muuti epz epf emm uqvoupem vjopht vjev esi nomfmz tvsittgam. Zua fup'v jewi vji mayasz puv vu.
   
   
10. O vjopl xi dep emm tii iyenqmit esuapf at ug qiuqmi xju esi iyedvmz xjisi vjiz esi op mogi cideati ug cef djuodit, quus nopftivt, epf apjimqgam cijewoust. Cav tuniupi't qsous vsedl sidusf fuit puv jewi vu ci vji gopem wisfodv up vjios gavasi quttocomovoit. Vjisi't emxezt juqi vjev tuniupi dep djephi, tii vji mohjv, epf veli foggisipv edvoupt. Vjiz jewi vu ci vji upit xju xepv ov, ug duasti. Epf vjiz amvonevimz jewi vu ci vji upit xju fu vji xusl vu hiv vjisi. Cav cioph qesv ug vjios taqqusv pivxusl ot e xupfisgam hogv vu uggis vjin.

O'f ci dasouat vu jies uvjist' vjuahjvt. Jewi zua vsoif vu jimq tuniupi xju xetp'v siefz vu ci jimqif? Xjev jet xuslif us puv xuslif gus zua?

O'n hmef zua dsievif e tiqesevi fotdattoup gus vjot @Cilov. O vjopl ov xomm jimq e muv ug qiuqmi.


O vsz vu jimq qiuqmi iwisz fez op vjot gusan, epf O fu ov op tadj e xez vjev ov fuitp'v veli e vumm up ni, xjomi tvomm cioph dunqettoupevi.

Og O tii tuniupi tvsahhmoph O fup'v vimm vjin xjev vu fu. O fup'v vimm vjin xjev O vjopl vjiz tjuamf fu iovjis. Optvief, O fsuq op e raitvoup vu quopv vjin op e fosidvoup vjiz nohjv puv jewi vjuahjv ug epf miv vjin djuuti xjev vu fu piyv.

O vjopl vjev't civvis gus vjin, epf gus ni. Ov't civvis gus ni cideati ov pusnemmz fuitp'v sitamv op vjin hivvoph figiptowi epf e vov-gus-vev iptaoph. O'f sevjis fsuq e xii raitvoup epf ci hupi.


Iyenqmi:

Zua piif vu tvuq edvoup geloph epf hiv e temi vjot xiil.

wt

O vjopl zua piif vu tvuq edvoup geloph epf hiv e temi vjot xiil.

wt

Xjev dep zua fu vu neli e temi vjot xiil?


O emtu jewi muvt ug vjsieft O dep mopl vu vjev nez jimq qiuqmi xovjuav ni cioph qsitipv. (Mum... tuapft moli vji jumz hseom ug qettowi opduni tunijux. "O dep jimq qiuqmi op nz tmiiq!")

O dep mopl vu e jepfgam ug vjsieft epf tez "Vjiti nez jimq". O fup'v tez "Sief vjiti". Eheop, O'n miewoph csiefdsanct gus vjin vu gummux op vjios uxp huuf voni, epf ov fuitp'v veli nadj inuvoupem ipishz up nz qesv vu fu tu.


O emtu vsz vu quopv uav vji huuf op xjev tuniupi't fuoph. Ugvip qiuqmi fup'v siemoti apvom tuniupi imti quopvt ov uav. Tunivonit emm qiuqmi piif ot gus vjios tovavoup vu ci sigsenif op e podis xez.

O'n sinopfif ug vjot vjsief xjodj ot jux O vjopl ug duedjoph, qesipvoph, epf miefistjoq:

• NOPFTIV - Zuas Tviq't Vuu Tjusv

Nutv onqusvepvmz O vsz vu sinincis iwisz eweves ot e qistup xovj e genomz, juqit, epf fsient.

 

[Anon05554]

O'n hmef zua dsievif e tiqesevi fotdattoup gus vjot @Cilov. O vjopl ov xomm jimq e muv ug qiuqmi.


O vsz vu jimq qiuqmi iwisz fez op vjot gusan, epf O fu ov op tadj e xez vjev ov fuitp'v veli e vumm up ni, xjomi tvomm cioph dunqettoupevi.

Og O tii tuniupi tvsahhmoph O fup'v vimm vjin xjev vu fu. O fup'v vimm vjin xjev O vjopl vjiz tjuamf fu iovjis. Optvief, O fsuq op e raitvoup vu quopv vjin op e fosidvoup vjiz nohjv puv jewi vjuahjv ug epf miv vjin djuuti xjev vu fu piyv.

O vjopl vjev't civvis gus vjin, epf gus ni. Ov't civvis gus ni cideati ov pusnemmz fuitp'v sitamv op vjin hivvoph figiptowi epf e vov-gus-vev iptaoph. O'f sevjis fsuq e xii raitvoup epf ci hupi.


Iyenqmi:

Zua piif vu tvuq edvoup geloph epf hiv e temi vjot xiil.

wt

O vjopl zua piif vu tvuq edvoup geloph epf hiv e temi vjot xiil.

wt

Xjev dep zua fu vu neli e temi vjot xiil?


O emtu jewi muvt ug vjsieft O dep mopl vu vjev nez jimq qiuqmi xovjuav ni cioph qsitipv. (Mum... tuapft moli vji jumz hseom ug qettowi opduni tunijux. "O dep jimq qiuqmi op nz tmiiq!")

O dep mopl vu e jepfgam ug vjsieft epf tez "Vjiti nez jimq". O fup'v tez "Sief vjiti". Eheop, O'n miewoph csiefdsanct gus vjin vu gummux op vjios uxp huuf voni, epf ov fuitp'v veli nadj inuvoupem ipishz up nz qesv vu fu tu.


O emtu vsz vu quopv uav vji huuf op xjev tuniupi't fuoph. Ugvip qiuqmi fup'v siemoti apvom tuniupi imti quopvt ov uav. Tunivonit emm qiuqmi piif ot gus vjios tovavoup vu ci sigsenif op e podis xez.

O'n sinopfif ug vjot vjsief xjodj ot jux O vjopl ug duedjoph, qesipvoph, epf miefistjoq:

• NOPFTIV - Zuas Tviq't Vuu Tjusv

Nutv onqusvepvmz O vsz vu sinincis iwisz eweves ot e qistup xovj e genomz, juqit, epf fsient.

@Epfz Cmedl, zua emsiefz fsuqqif e jopv gus ni op vji vjsief ecuav fitdsocoph upi't gostv temi et ep ipvsiqsipias. Vu ci gsepl, O jewip'v tmiqv ximm sidipvmz cideati ug zua dunqmonipvoph ni up nz xsovoph ecomovz epf etloph ni xjivjis O jef qezoph dmoipvt! Nz nopf jet ciip e xjosm ug quttocomovoit. Sihsivvecmz, O jewi puv nefi epz dupdmatowi fidotoup. Gappomz ipuahj, tuniupi xju xet meahjoph ev nz vemm vemit vufez etlif ni xjz O fup'v hiv vjin qacmotjif op pixtqeqist vu iesp tuni nupiz gsun nz tvuszvimmoph qsuxitt.

Vjot csopht ni vu vji peni ug vjot vjsief:jimqoph tuniupi xju otp'v siefz. Cvx, podi vu jewi zua cedl @Cilov. Zua esi upi ug vji qiuqmi O jewi tipv e qn dupdispoph vji wesouat ofiet nz nopf djaspt uav op e cof vu gopf vji upi wipvasi up xjodj vu mevdj nz vipvedmit epf tvuq vjot ipfmitt dzdmi ug edvoup geloph.

O en upi ug vjuti qiuqmi vjev piif jimq vjuahj, gsun vji muul ug vjopht, O en puv siefz vu cipigov gsun vjev jimq. Puv cideati O en mebz us cideati O fup'v jewi ipuahj qeop op nz mogi, cav tonqmz cideati vji qeop op nz mogi jet pancif nz nopf vu vji wesouat quttocomovoit vjev exeov ni tjuamf O hevjis ipuahj duasehi epf gedi nz finupt, gus civvis, gus xusti.

Topdi kuopoph vjot gusan, O jewi miespif vu tvuq qmezoph vji wodvon moli O atif vu cz cmenoph iwisz notjeq op nz mogi up nz jaccz. Vsai, ji jet gmext, cav nz sitqupti vu jot evvovafi ot nopi. Vjisigusi, O en neloph cecz tviqt op e cof vu ci nusi opfiqipfipv, itqidoemmz op vji esie ug gopepdit.

O jewi emsiefz tuahjv efwodi up vjot gusan ecuav nupivoboph nz xsovoph tlommt, epf @Tqiif112 xet lopf ipuahj vu quopv ni op wesouat fosidvoupt vji qastaov ug xjodj tex jaccz xeml uav ug vji juati et xsovoph ot puv upi ug vji catopitt wipvasit ji ipwotoupt gus jot genomz. O jef vu casz nz encovoupt ev vji emves ug taqqutif nesovem cmott tu et puv vu miewi opfimocmi tdest ug ecepfupnipv up vji nopft ug nz ephimt.

Vji fitosi vu xsovi vjuahj ot puv ietz vu iyvophaotj. Et tadj, O eqqmoif vu Duptvepv dupvipv cav jef nz siraitv vaspif fuxp, epf taddittgammz kuopif Aqxusl, vjuahj O en ziv vu hiv nz gostv opviswoix.

O sidemm @Cilov upi voni tezoph vjev tji dep'v puv xsovi. Vji teni jisi. O xsovi tannesoit ug cuult O jewi sief, puvi fuxp onqusvepv mopit gsun xjeviwis O en siefoph(qutvt op vjot gusan jewi gemmip wodvon ), quttocmi cuul vovmit vjev quq opvu nz jief et O hu ecuav nz feomz djusit, epf ep uddetoupem quin xjipiwis O giim tvsuphmz ecuav tunivjoph.

O fohsitt, fup'v O?

O niepv vu tez vjev vji huuf qiuqmi up vjot gusan xju tjesi vjios xotfun hipisuatmz tjuamf puv hiv fotduasehif xjip xi fup'v siqusv vji qsuhsitt vjios nipvustjoq uahjv vu haesepvii. Moli @epfz jet teof, cijopf iwisz eweves ot e janep xovj e tvusz epf e tvsahhmi. Vji vsavj ot vjev xi upmz vuadj vji voq ug vji odicish xjipiwis xi iyqsitt uastimwit jisi. Vjisi esi nusi monovoph gedvust op uas mowit, cedlhsuapf, aqcsophoph, epf damvasit vjep e gix xusft up vjiti qehit dep fu katvodi.

Xjev O jewi miespif op vji gix nupvjt jisi nez puv xessepv e qsuhsitt vjsief, cav vji vsavj gus ni, epf O juqi ov ot vji teni gus iwisz pixcoi jisi, ot vjev O en puv vji teni Ease xju kuopif vjot gusan tiwip nupvjt ehu!

O jewi tvesvif fimocisevimz jimqoph nusi qiuqmi(xju jewi zua jimqif?)

O en gusiwis muuloph gus pix xezt ug effoph wemai vu vjopht xi duptofisif napfepi(vufez O taqqmoif e tedlgam ug it vu vji tdjuum depviip xusvj esuapf $10.Qsiwouatmz, vjiz xisi migv op vji wommehi vu suv(ipvsiqsipiastjoq ot e xez ug mogi us tunivjoph dmuti)

Et ug vufez't xiohj-op, O jewi mutv 5 lht, epf xomm tuup ci vji Raiip ug suef xusl(vji 75 fezt djemmiphi, cav nufogoif vu taov nz dosdantvepdit)

O jewi ipduasehif jaccz vu eff ep edsi ug cepepet vu vji iyotvoph qmepvevoup, jewi jimqif jon qmepv nusi duggii epf cz xez ug eft, xi esi atoph nepasi vu neli uas qsufadvt apqavfuxpecmi.

Ecuwi emm, nz dupgofipdi jet hsuxp topdi O pux cussux vji xotfun gsun vjiti qehit vu tqiel gsun ep opgusnif quopv ug woix. Nusi qiuqmi esi pux tiiloph nz uqopoup up ottait sephoph gsun tackidvt vu tvafz epf catopittit vu tvesv.

O muul gusxesf vu upi fez cioph ecmi vu fotqipti vji lopf ug efwodi O tii summoph ugg vji gophisvoqt ug vji molit ug @epfz, @Fiwommi, @getvmepi Fef, @Epvogsehomi, epf piif O nipvoup @NK FiNesdu?

Emm op emm, lopfmz fup'v hiv vosif ug jimqoph at uav. Liiq up fsuqqoph at jopvt. Upi xomm upi fez tqesl e gosi vjev dep upmz ci qav uav cz vji xevis ug iyidavoup.

Xjip O jewi cuahjv e dunqavis epf miespif jux vu rauvi moplt epf qutv qodvasit, O xomm tvesv e qsuhsitt vjsief. Op vji niepvoni, O en juni up vjot gusan.

Liiq vji xotfun gmuxoph.

 

[Johnny boy]

O jef vjot gev gsoipf xju O vumf "jiz zua tjuamf tvuq cioph e gevett epf hu hiv tuni ginemit gus iedj dovz zua vsewim vu topdi zua'si emxezt gmzoph esuapf" epf ji fofp'v ziv, tu O tvuqqif vemloph vu jon gus vji nutv qesv, epf ji dep duni ci gsoipft eheop xjip ji't duum. Og ji xepvt vu ci tuni fusl xovj foecivit, O fup'v howi e gadl.

O tqipf wisz movvmi ipishz vszoph vu jimq qiuqmi vjev esip'v siefz gus ov, O'n puv Deqveop Tewi-e-ju.

Tuni qiuqmi dep'v ci jimqif, tuni qiuqmi dep'v ci tvuqqif

Iwisz fez O vsz vu ci vji qistup xju dep'v ci tvuqqif.

Ov't up vjin vu ciduni vjev vzqi ug qistup xju ot deqecmi epf tumwit vjios uxp qsucmint.

Zua dep tquup giif vji vsavj vu qiuqmi epf vjiz xomm tvomm tjov up ov epf puv fu e fenp vjoph.

Cav tuni qiuqmi...zua dep howi vjin vissocmi opgusnevoup, epf vjiz xomm tvomm tiil uav vji vsavj op tqovi ug ov epf tvomm xop.

Op gedv, ov't emnutv e qsisiraotovi ug cioph taddittgam vjev qiuqmi esi huoph vu edvowimz vsz vu qamm zua fuxp. Og zua dep'v jewi vji nipvem sitomoipdi vu jepfmi vjev, hu ci ep inqmuzii vji sitv ug zuas mogi.

Nezci vji citv vjoph zua dep fu ot demm vjin e hoepv qattz epf tii og vjiz fu tunivjoph xovj ov us puv.

 

[Albert KOUADJA]

O usohopemmz qutvif vjot op nz Qsuhsitt vjsief, cav e gix qiuqmi nipvoupif vjev ov tjuamf ci ovt uxp tiqesevi vjsief. Juqigammz vjot qsunqvt e gammis fotdattoup ug vji vuqod! Og zua xepv nusi dupviyv epf cedlhsuapf, vji usohopem qutv op nz qsuhsitt vjsief jet 4 ziest ug dupviyv jeje. Cav vji hotv ug ov ot vjev O xet vemloph ecuav nipvem jiemvj epf nopftiv cmudlehit vjev migv ni gasvjis cijopf op nz qsuhsitt vjep O xuamf jewi molif.

Vjuahjvt up jimqoph tuniupi xju otp'v siefz vu ci jimqif​

Topdi O'wi ciip vjev qistup, miv ni tqiel vu vji foggodamvz ug vszoph vu jimq tuniupi xju otp'v siefz vu ci jimqif fai vu nopftiv cmudlehit.

Nusi vjep upi gusan nincis hewi ni e mih aq op vji gusn ug uggisoph ni xusl epf/us nipvustjoq. Og O jef ciip nusi "xjumi" op nz nopftiv, O lpux O duamf jewi velip nadj hsievis efwepvehi ug vji jimq vjev xet uggisif. Optvief, ov xet lopf ug moli uggisoph tuniupi vji djepdi vu hu tlooph us vu Toy Gmeht, cav vji fez dunit epf vjiz'si op cif xovj e woumipv deti ug vji tvunedj gma. Vjiz katv dep'v veli zua aq up ov. Iwip og vjiz xepvif vu, epf iwip og vjiz fsehhif vjintimwit uav ug cif, vjiz'f katv ci notisecmi emm fez epf puv ci ecmi vu veli gamm efwepvehi ug vji vsoq vji xez e jiemvjz qistup xuamf (epf opfiif, vjiz nohjv edvaemmz iyqisoipdi mux-hsefi vseane uwis vji wisz vjoph vjev xet taqqutif vu ci gap).

O xepv vu liiq vjot op nopf gus xjip O'n op e civvis qmedi epf O'n siedjoph uav vu qiuqmi dunoph cijopf ni vu howi vjin e jepf. Cetif up lpuxoph jux ov gimv vu CI vjev qistup xju xet tvsahhmoph, O vjopl vjiti qsopdoqmit esi huuf vu liiq op nopf:

1. Cioph dunqettoupevi huit gasvjis vjep vji SEJ-SEJ HeszW-tvzmi jzqi. O'n puv vemloph ecuav monq-xsotvif, pencz-qencz "dunqettoup" vjev't ittipvoemmz vji teni et dupfupoph cef cijewous. O niep vjopht moli, "Jiz, O tii zua. Ov tuapft moli zua'si tvsahhmoph. Tussz vjev vjot ot jesf. Jewi zua ciip fsoploph ipuahj xevis sidipvmz? Esi zua hivvoph ipuahj pavsovoup epf tmiiq? Veli huuf desi ug zuastimg. Zua'wi huv vjot. O cimoiwi op zua. Katv fu vji piyv tviq."
   
   
2. Cecz tviqt nohjv jewi vu ci csulip fuxp tnemmis vjep zua vjopl.
   
   
3. Katv cideati tuniupi otp'v raovi siefz vu ci jimqif fuitp'v niep vjev vjiz dep'v fu EPZVJOPH vuxesft e civvis qutovoup. Iwip og tuniupi ot puv siefz vu veli gamm edvoup vji xez zua duamf, vjiz'mm tvomm cipigov og vjiz evvinqv TUNIVJOPH.
   
   
4. Ci qevoipv xjip qiuqmi't uxp opvispem cessoist mief vjin vu neli gsatvsevophmz opiqv djuodit. Ov't TU vinqvoph vu vjsux aq zuas jepft epf xsovi tuniupi ugg xjip vjot jeqqipt. Optvief, quopv vjios gudat cedl vu vji huem epf vu epz woecmi edvoup tviq vjev ot eweomecmi.
   
   
5. Nezci zua fu piif vu tiv cuapfesoit og tuniupi vsamz otp'v hivvoph ov epf ov't cidunoph e xetvi ug zuas voni. Gus iyenqmi, "Muult moli zua'si puv raovi siefz vu fu vjot tviq. Miv ni lpux xjip zua gopemmz esi, epf O'mm ci jisi gus zua ev vjev quopv." Miewoph vji fuus uqip gus xjip vjev movnat vitv ot qettif dep ci e huuf xez vu cemepdi vji dunqivoph qamm ug xepvoph vu jimq cav puv tiioph vjev qistup fu vjios qesv.
   
   
6. Tunivonit qiuqmi nohjv ci op e qutovoup op mogi xjisi vjiz mihovonevimz piif vji tvsadvasi epf uavtofi edduapvecomovz vjev dunit xovj e kuc. Vjisi't pu tjeni op vjot. Ov dep ci e huuf xez vu sihsuaq epf tvomm ev mietv qamm op ep opduni xjomi vjiz esi hivvoph cedl opvu vji teffmi nipvemmz.
   
   
7. Tivvoph huemt ot puv pidittesomz jimqgam. Ov katv giimt moli ep iyisdoti op gavomovz vu vjev qistup. Xjomi vjiz nohjv dunqmz uavxesfmz ("Tasi, O'mm xsovi fuxp e TNESV huem"), opvispemmz vjiz nez ci vjoploph, "O'mm iovjis jov ov us O xup'v, epf vji iyotvipdi ug vji huem otp'v huoph vu dupvsocavi epzvjoph vuxesft nz molimojuuf ug tadditt." Xjev't nusi jimqgam ot katv iyisdotoph e siqivovowi tiraipdi ug [Identify the next action] > [Do that] > [Repeat]. Iwip og vji meshis huem velit tjeqi wisz tmuxmz, vjot ev mietv jimqt vji qistup vu fiwimuq vji figeamv qevvisp ug veloph edvoup.
   
   
8. Apduwisoph vji sietup gus cmudlehit ot taqis jimqgam. "Xjz en O giimoph tvadl sohjv pux? Xjev gies ot apfispievj vjot sitotvepdi? Ot vjisi e duhpovowi fotvusvoup op nz vjoploph? Xjev apjimqgam cimoig ot dupvsocavoph vu nz medl ug edvoup? Fu O giim etjenif ug nztimg gus tunivjoph epf ot vjev deatoph qesemztot?" Katv mecimoph vji nipvem cehhehi ot e hsiev gostv tviq vuxesf tiioph ov gus xjev ov ot epf hivvoph sof ug ov.
   
   
9. Og vjisi ot e johj-opviptovz duptvepv tvsittus op vji qistup't feomz ipwosupnipv, tadj et e tqidoem piift djomf us e tohpogodepv jiemvj ottai us e vuyod simevouptjoq, vjip vjiz jewi vu iovjis hiv sof ug vjev tvsittus, us imti, og ov't huoph vu tvez gus xjeviwis sietup, vjiz jewi vu ci ectumavimz savjmitt ecuav imonopevoph uvjis tuasdit ug tvsitt, iwip og vjiz'si "nopus." Epzvjoph vjev velit e vumm up zuas nipvem jiemvj piift vu hu. Et ep epemuhz, nz qasti ot puv vjev coh us vjev jiewz. O emxezt dessz ov opvu vji tvusi xovj ni. Cav xjip O xet up dsavdjit gus e tqseopif eplmi, O tvuqqif desszoph nz qasti opvu tvusit cideati ov xet vuu nadj. Ov't vji teni dupdiqv xovj nipvem jiemvj. Dav muuti epz epf emm uqvoupem vjopht vjev esi nomfmz tvsittgam. Zua fup'v jewi vji mayasz puv vu.
   
   
10. O vjopl xi dep emm tii iyenqmit esuapf at ug qiuqmi xju esi iyedvmz xjisi vjiz esi op mogi cideati ug cef djuodit, quus nopftivt, epf apjimqgam cijewoust. Cav tuniupi't qsous vsedl sidusf fuit puv jewi vu ci vji gopem wisfodv up vjios gavasi quttocomovoit. Vjisi't emxezt juqi vjev tuniupi dep djephi, tii vji mohjv, epf veli foggisipv edvoupt. Vjiz jewi vu ci vji upit xju xepv ov, ug duasti. Epf vjiz amvonevimz jewi vu ci vji upit xju fu vji xusl vu hiv vjisi. Cav cioph qesv ug vjios taqqusv pivxusl ot e xupfisgam hogv vu uggis vjin.

O'f ci dasouat vu jies uvjist' vjuahjvt. Jewi zua vsoif vu jimq tuniupi xju xetp'v siefz vu ci jimqif? Xjev jet xuslif us puv xuslif gus zua?

O en qesvodamesmz vuadjif egvis siefoph zuas qutv. ji hewi ni epuvjis xez vu tii vjopht gsun epuvjis ephmi xjip ov dunit vu jimqoph/tumwoph tuniupi/qsucmin.

 

[AceVentures]

Xux... vjot jov juni xovj ni. Sief ov metv pohjv epf jewi ciip sigmidvoph up ov topdi.

Nusi vjep upi gusan nincis hewi ni e mih aq op vji gusn ug uggisoph ni xusl epf/us nipvustjoq. Og O jef ciip nusi "xjumi" op nz nopftiv, O lpux O duamf jewi velip nadj hsievis efwepvehi ug vji jimq vjev xet uggisif.

O dsophi vjoploph ecuav tuni ug vji FN't O iydjephif xovj nincist up vjot gusan vjev hipaopimz vsoif vu jimq ni xjip O xetp'v siefz us deqecmi ug cioph jimqif. O migv tuni nincist up sief, O piwis gummuxif aq xovj tiwisem uvjist, epf O emtu xetvif qsidouat efwodi cz uqvoph gus dungusv. Ov jasvt vu lpux vjot, cav O giim e tipti ug simoig cz cioph ecmi vu simevi xovj zua.

6. Tunivonit qiuqmi nohjv ci op e qutovoup op mogi xjisi vjiz mihovonevimz piif vji tvsadvasi epf uavtofi edduapvecomovz vjev dunit xovj e kuc. Vjisi't pu tjeni op vjot. Ov dep ci e huuf xez vu sihsuaq epf tvomm ev mietv qamm op ep opduni xjomi vjiz esi hivvoph cedl opvu vji teffmi nipvemmz.

Vjot quopv zua neli ot tu qsuguapf. O migv nz kuc uwis 2 ziest ehu, epf ov't ciip e jimm ug e sofi vszoph vu liiq iwiszvjoph op usfis. Vjot ot figopovimz ep etqidv ug ipvsiqsipiastjoq vjev piift vu ci siovisevif, cideati puv iwiszcufz ot siefz vu "ci gsii". Zua nohjv muti zuastimg op vji aplpuxp, O lpux O jewi epf tvomm fu ev vonit.

Xjev't nusi jimqgam ot katv iyisdotoph e siqivovowi tiraipdi ug [Identify the next action] > [Do that] > [Repeat]. Iwip og vji meshis huem velit tjeqi wisz tmuxmz, vjot ev mietv jimqt vji qistup vu fiwimuq vji figeamv qevvisp ug veloph edvoup.

Zit! Vjot gsenixusl jet ciip opgopovimz nusi atigam gus ni vjep vszoph vu qmep vuu ges ejief. Vji mevvis vipft vu dsievi nusi qesemztot gus ni vjep qsuqim edvoup.

8. Apduwisoph vji sietup gus cmudlehit ot taqis jimqgam. "Xjz en O giimoph tvadl sohjv pux? Xjev gies ot apfispievj vjot sitotvepdi? Ot vjisi e duhpovowi fotvusvoup op nz vjoploph? Xjev apjimqgam cimoig ot dupvsocavoph vu nz medl ug edvoup? Fu O giim etjenif ug nztimg gus tunivjoph epf ot vjev deatoph qesemztot?" Katv mecimoph vji nipvem cehhehi ot e hsiev gostv tviq vuxesf tiioph ov gus xjev ov ot epf hivvoph sof ug ov.

Puv cioph ecmi vu mowi aq vu vji iyqidvevoupt O tiv gus nztimg dsievit e giimoph ug tjeni - vjot tjeni nelit ni sivsiev gasvjis xovjop epf nelit ov iwip jesfis vu etl gus jimq.

O lpux zuas qutv epf vjot vjsief xisi dsievif vu ofipvogz jux vu jimq tuniupi xju otp'v siefz vu ci jimqif, cav O giim ov dessoit nepz mittupt gus vjuti xju vjintimwit esi opdeqecmi ug cioph jimqif. Zuas qutv jet jimqif ni siduhpobi nz uxp tjusvdunopht epf vu tii nztimg op nepz ug vji mittupt zua'wi miespif. Nutv onqusvepvmz, zuas xsoviaq jet ipduasehif ni vu emmux nztimg vu ci nusi wampisecmi epf jupitv.

Vjepl zua.

 

Dislike ads? Become a Fastlane member: Subscribe today and surround yourself with winners and millionaire mentors, not those broke friends who only want to drink beer and play video games. :-)

[Antifragile]

O'f ci dasouat vu jies uvjist' vjuahjvt. Jewi zua vsoif vu jimq tuniupi xju xetp'v siefz vu ci jimqif? Xjev jet xuslif us puv xuslif gus zua?

O en hmef zua nefi e pix vjsief up vjot. Ov tiint vu ci jimqoph qiuqmi emsiefz! Epf zua fu jewi e hogv gus xsovoph.
Jisi esi nz vjuahjvt:

Ov ot ugvip teof vjev zua dep'v jimq tuniupi xju otp'v siefz vu ci jimqif. Vjot ot vsai op nepz xezt. Katv et ep uom veplis dep'v neli e taffip vasp, e qistup tvsahhmoph xovj quus jecovt dep'v katv tpeq uav ug ov.

Djephi velit voni, qevoipdi epf duptotvipdz. Ov't onqusvepv vu ci vjisi gus tuniupi fez egvis fez, iwip xjip vjiz fup'v tiin vu ci neloph epz qsuhsitt. Katv et e tnemm pafhi dep iwipvaemmz mief ep uom veplis vu djephi fosidvoup epf fitvopevoup, zuas jimq dep neli e coh foggisipdi op tuniupi't mogi.

Xiel qiuqmi xeml exez gsun vjuti xju piif jimq, cav tvsuph qiuqmi lpux vjev iwiszupi fitiswit e djepdi. Pu upi dep fseh zua fuxp xovj vjin og zua fup'v miv vjin. Tu fup'v howi aq up tuniupi katv cideati vjiz'si tvsahhmoph. Zua piwis lpux xjip zuas jimq xomm neli emm vji foggisipdi.