Dealing with depression as an entrepreneur, figuring things out as I go

[Deleted74396]

I would be careful with calling CBT the gold-standard for depression. The evidence-based methods (CBT being among them) are notorious for being "popular" for the simple reason that they're easy to track, easy to systematize (same method applied to everyone), and easy to apply (they reduce the person to thoughts, feelings and behaviours).

In some cases, they're just treating symptoms, while ignoring the underlying causes. This makes them a favorite for insurance companies - it's easy to pay for a limited 6-9 weeks treatment than it is to pay for an undefined treatment in psychoanalysis, where you don't know how long it will take, and how to standardise the application.

But still, the truth remains that people are different and life is very complicated. Reducing a person to just their thoughts, feelings and behaviour while ignoring the context and the bigger picture is likely to offer just bandaid when a deeper solution/treatment is required.

Some famous psychologists, like Jordan Peterson for example, aren't CBT practitioners.

I understand what you're saying @Black_Dragon43. For where I am now, and where my bank balance is, CBT is my only option. I will definitely be looking into and pursuing other options in the future especially once I'm doing well financially! I'm in the UK and our socialised healthcare isn't able to offer me anything besides medications which haven't helped in the past sadly

 

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[Deleted74396]

edit: don't overthink

 

[Deleted74396]

Ahhhh,

Another person transformed by Eckhart. He saved me tbh - it's actually a bit messed up now that I think about all the folks that will never experience the now.

Absolutely! Most of the time I manage to not overthink now, and not be overly pessimistic, but I still catch it creeping in. Then, after a short while, things either work out, or it's not a big a deal as the thoughts in my head were making it.

 

[Deleted74396]

How can I deal with the pain I sometimes feel physically in my body, even without engaging depressed thoughts, when the feeling of physical anxiety is constant, and anxiety still intrudes on my thoughts daily? I didn't sleep and I'm feeling confused and weak

 

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[Stargazer]

Good Morning Elusive

When you write pain that could mean many things. Sharp pain, dull pain, whereabouts etc etc. Have you been to your GP?

As someone who has never had anxiety/depression the following two thoughts may sound glib. Advance apologies.

I see you have a dog in your Avatar so maybe that is your dog and therefore you probably already do this, do you exercise at all?

Something simple like going for a 30 minute morning walk and an afternoon/evening walk in nature? Woods, park, along river whatever is near you. Quite a lot in Yorkshire!

And you know the old adage 'Laughter is the best medicine?' Well not quite but there is some truth there. Watch some comedy.

In the 80's almost every second TV programme in the evening was a comedy one so everyone got a dose of humour everyday. Now everyone gets a dose of a reality programme of half naked gym buffed men and women flashing the cash, anxiety and depression rates are up. Hmm

Hale & Pace were from Yorkshire. Here is their Yorkshire Airlines clip

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQcjanPGqAA


Dan

 

[Deleted74396]

I feel depressed today. I want to change my situation so bad and my action isn't changing it. I don't know the way forward and now I'm in debt for the first time in my life.

Why did I know what to do when I was thirteen or fourteen but not now? I was such a good entrepreneur. At a low point I dropped to £400, the next month I found a way to increase my earnings to £600, and within a few months I was back to £100 a month.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just pick up what will make money now? What changed? Why can't I get it back? I feel horrible and all I want is for things to stop going wrong.

I just want things to stop getting worse and worse. As a teen entrepreneur I used to be able to put an extra 2 hours into something and make an extra £400 a month EASILY, why, when I need it most, can't I do that with an extra 6-12 hours a day??

I'm so sad

 

[Deleted74396]

Good Morning Elusive

When you write pain that could mean many things. Sharp pain, dull pain, whereabouts etc etc. Have you been to your GP?

GP only offered antidepressants which made me heavily suicidal and robotic so I didn't have any qualms about ideation/making plans/etc.

It's a pain in my gut/stomach and throughout my being. I'm not sure how to describe it. Eckhart Tolle helped me identify it, and I can remove myself from it sometimes

 

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[Stargazer]

Do you have an NHS Walk in Clinic near you? Usually they are in largish towns, not sure where in Yorkshire you live.

You can't make an appointment so take a book.

They can refer you to a hospital for the relevant specialist to see you (which is what your GP should be doing) Or is there another GP in the surgery? Usually there are 3 or 4.

Something is causing the pain and needs investigating. Your GP is suggesting it is psychosomatic. He/she could be right but it would be beyond his/her level of expertise.

Dan

 

[Deleted74396]

First time feeling suicidal in over a month, why can't things get better, why can't I see the way forward

 

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[Stargazer]

Call someone now. 116 123 from your phone.

Talk to us on the phone

Whatever you're going through, call us free any time, from any phone, on 116 123.

www.samaritans.org

 

[BizyDad]

First time feeling suicidal in over a month, why can't things get better, why can't I see the way forward

I haven't lived your life, but I have felt things similar to what you are expressing. Just focus on what is the next step you can take. For me, some days, that was just lying in bed. That was all I had to give. And the next day I got up. I think I did some grocery shopping. That was a big step for me. Depression is a bitch to overcome.

Things will get better. You've been stuck in a downward spiral and are turning things around. It won't happen overnight, but if you stick with it, it will happen. Some days it is hard to realize how far you've come. The first time in a month is an improvement, right?

The longest journey begins with the first step.

As far as the money/internet marketing thing goes, well, the game has changed since you were a teenager. As a teenager you were committed to figuring it out no matter what. You didn't worry how long it would take you to be a success.

So don't just think back to the time you were on top of your game and bemoan that you aren't there. Because you are still the kid who learned it and did it back then, and only you can stop you from learning it and doing it again.

Things are getting better. Focus on the positive. A year from now you will be well on your way with your fastlane plans. Keep striving.

 

[Deleted74396]

As far as the money/internet marketing thing goes, well, the game has changed since you were a teenager. As a teenager you were committed to figuring it out no matter what. You didn't worry how long it would take you to be a success.

So don't just think back to the time you were on top of your game and bemoan that you aren't there. Because you are still the kid who learned it and did it back then, and only you can stop you from learning it and doing it again.

Things are getting better. Focus on the positive. A year from now you will be well on your way with your fastlane plans. Keep striving.

I really appreciate that. Helped me sort of put things into perspective. It's just frustrating as when marketing wasn't going well, I could easily find a different method to help me get to my goals (e.g. ecommerce). Now, when I need it more than ever, I can't even make a measly £500 a month.

It's frustrating as I worked so hard for years to buy my house outright so my minimum monthly costs would be like £300-400 rather than £750+. I thought by doing that, at a minimum I'd always at least be comfortable and not have to struggle. Because making £300 was an easy task for me until recently.

In regards to the depression, I honestly think I'm at the point where the only way I can feel good long term is by tackling the money issue. I've only really been depressed two out the last 30 days, and both times it's because I let the money issue get to me. I can react to other stimuli in a healthy way, but knowing I can't pay the bills, can't afford to travel (I have no car so I'm home all the time), etc. just kills me.

When I was bullied heavily, entrepreneurship and the independence making money brought, kept me off the ledge. I just want to get back to that, I feel so pathetic that whilst everyone else in their 20s talks of how much they've grown, my story is more like a regression.

 

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[VentureVoyager]

First time feeling suicidal in over a month, why can't things get better, why can't I see the way forward

I'm sorry to hear that. I have been struggling with depression since 2012, off and on. Suicidial thoughts and hellish anxiety and other terrific attractions included.
I'm not sure how it started. Maybe it was bad mushroom trip, or maybe my girlfriend dying, or just toxic environment (my family is super neurotic).

Anyway, my story is quite similiar. I sucessfuly started a self-pub biz in 2014 and was able to pull it off very quickly and go from 0 to 5 and then $10k monthly. I was hustling like crazy for 2 years.

Then the depression hit me and things went awry. I lost direction, motivation, I couldn't seem to make any decisions at all anymore, it's like I lost myself entirely.

Last 2 years were rather dark. I went back from Asia to Poland, I thinking I would only stay there for 3 months, as I wanted to go back to my beloved Thailand and Bali asap. But in the meantime I've found that:
1) I had Lyme disease, many different strains of Borellia, at least 4. One is enough to destroy your body or kill you, literally.
2) I had Hashimoto's
3) I had Candida
4) My hair started falling
5) I had no energy at all and life seemed pointless
etc.
So last 2 years I've been struggling with health issues and depression. the fact that I couldn't live where I wanted and how I wanted any more didn't help.

On top of that, my business took a nose dive down when it comes to income, I couldn't get myself to start a new one and a girl who said she loved me and would support me (and it's worth mentioning that thanks to me she was able to find a job online and start making 3x the income working 3x less and becoming location independent) dumped me at my lowest and didn't hesitate to post super happy pictures with a new guy a week later, without even telling me that we were done. All that after I told her that my best friend probably had a lung cancer. So...
Shit happens as they say.

I'm telling all this so you don't feel alone. It's easy to fall into an illusion that life should be easy, successful, always peaches and cream, but in reality success is a privilege of a few.
Being born in Europe is a privilege already.
Having false expectations fcks us up too. And social media and the general "success narrative" doesn't help either.

Look:
1) I lived in the UK (Wales) for some time and it can be a pretty depressive place. For me, as for MJ, weather is a very important factor. I just can't stand dark and gloomy weather. Just can't. Have you ever considered moving some place sunny, changing evironment completely? People say it's just escaping the problem, but I don't think so. Do EVERYTHING you can to improve your situation and feel better. It works for me. I feel around 5x better in a tropical or medditeranean climate. Polish, and northern winters in general, kill me.
I'm now in Mexico and it's like reeeeaaaaally good antidepressants.

2) Have you ever checked your physical health, thoroughly? Lyme disease, Hashimoto's (antibodies), thyroid (ft3, ft4?) and other blood/hormone tests?

3) Have you checked your VIT D levels? The lower it gets the biggest chance of getting chronically sick, depressed etc. In this type of climate you're living in, it's a must to get D3K2 in large amounts. Preferably in liquid form. It should be not lower than 80-120.

4) Do you have a list of meds, therapies and things you've tried to get better? It's a good idea to systematize this journey a bit.

For me, working with a natural therapists/dietician and changing location helped A LOT.
Now I'm left with only a fraction of the health problems I used to have (he cured what docs told me was physically impossible to cure, lol), and the chaos in my life (being "homeless" as my apartament is located in my hometown and I don't want to live there, not having one fixed location to live with great people and support, no good ideas for a new biz etc)


And if you want to talk, send me a message.

 

[Deleted74396]

I haven't lived your life, but I have felt things similar to what you are expressing. Just focus on what is the next step you can take.

I understand the next step sentiment, taking every day as it comes. My problem is knowing that even if in 6 months I no longer have the "depression issue", unless I solve the money issue, I'll have a large bill from the council, won't be able to have heating or hot water, and won't be able to buy food. As I own my property outright I'm not eligible for any sort of benefits which means I'm not eligible to even use any of the nearby food banks in the absolute worst case scenario. And when I can't figure out the next steps to make some money, it's terrifying.

 

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[Deleted74396]

x

 

[Deleted74396]

Today I feel horrible. I still don't know exactly what steps to take to get me to where I can pay the bills, never mind towards making the money I need to start my fastlane biz.

I know the house will be sold by the end of the year but I want to be able to eat, and having heating/water until then. My boyfriend doesn't care and just gets more aggressive and lazier as time goes on. I tell him he needs to learn self-control because he's almost 30 and in return he just gets harsher with his aggressions.

It's easy for depressed thoughts to come into my mind such as 'you're useless' or 'you have no chance' or my old favourite 'you're F*cked'. I'm doing my best to ignore it, I just hope my action starts to pay off.

 

[Deleted74396]

GTFO from a former abuse sufferer to another. Because that's what's going on. GTFO.

You would be surprised how fast the boat starts floating and things aligning after you let go of THAT weight

Like, you know what happens when you push the beach ball under the water and let go? THAT FAST

He'll burn my house down and I'm literally taking it to market within a month. I can't even risk that as if the house doesn't sell (or sells at a much lower price cause it's been destroyed) I'm still stuck in a similarly shitty situation.

I picked out where I wanna move though, and it's far away. I know I can do this

 

[Deleted74396]

So like, shitty situation w/aggresive boyfriend, shitty situation - aggresive boyfriend to worry about? It's a no brainer. The house DOESN'T MATTER. It's a house. It won't be nearly as bad as you imagine. You're trapped by fear.

Also I also thought like that and he didn't do half of what I thought he would do. He didn't wanna risk his good boy reputation outside the house doors. They use fear to keep you there and that's why you think you should suck up another year. Don't.

You can bounce back from losing money. But it took me two years, and ongoing medication and therapy to bounce back from the trauma. You can pay bills with a simple retail job. You're not useless. You probably think you can't work because he's telling you all that bullshit. Is a house worth more than your life? Because even if he doesn't kill you he's robbing you of it in time and spirit.

I feel you, really I do. But I live alone, I don't have any friends and my family abandoned me a long time ago. Even if I dumped him, he'd only be living a few miles away. I have no pets even so I'd be totally alone in my house, it wouldn't be safe. He's threatened to smash my windows, and even made comments about wanting his ex's head on a stick if she wasn't far away. It's not as easy as just leaving :/

 

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[Tourmaline]

Oh man this got dark

I would suggest spending as little time around him as possible. Go anywhere else. I highly suggest nature as much as possible. There is nothing like being alone in nature. It is where one can well discover how not alone they are, if that makes any sense.

I would suggest accepting everything that you're going through. That doesn't mean don't strive to change it. But accept that this is how things are. For whatever reason, you're going through this. No matter what you may think or feel, you cannot at this present moment make whatever is true about how things are not true. So just accept that things are this way. Then change things little by little for the better, as you are already doing. Struggling against the reality of how things creates feelings of frustrations, sadness, anger, etc...while changing nothing about how things are presently.

I would suggest going and meeting others. There are invariably some people in your city that you can connect with and become friends with. You could look for places to volunteer, and the organization you help will in turn likely be willing to help you should you need it in the future.

Throughout the whole time as needed, especially when negative feelings come up, I would suggest breathing. Slowly, 2 seconds in, 4 seconds out, and just focus on your breath. All this too shall pass.

It took me more than 16 years to overcome depression, and the above was part of the puzzle, for me.

 

[Deleted74396]

I can't think clearly or figure things out, I feel so stressed. I'm following Bella's advice, as much as I can, but I'm like... how do I get into Instagram and be 'fun' (so people engage, enjoy watching my stories, etc) when I feel so bad? I need to get back in as it's the easiest way I can bring some money in, and I can't figure anything else out.

 

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[John Clancy]

I can't think clearly or figure things out, I feel so stressed. I'm following Bella's advice, as much as I can, but I'm like... how do I get into Instagram and be 'fun' (so people engage, enjoy watching my stories, etc) when I feel so bad? I need to get back in as it's the easiest way I can bring some money in, and I can't figure anything else out.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling at the minute. It can be hard to see a way forward when you're mired in the dark and feel there's no escape... You start to think you can't make things better, or that life is conspiring against you, or there's just no point.

As other people have said, changing your environment would be a huge help. Living with someone who's actively making your life worse is like a weight around your ankles - it makes staying afloat a major struggle. But only you can make that choice, so we'll skip that.

Off the top of my head, here are some thoughts and ideas that might help:

• Have you considered returning to your old clients (people you've had success with before) and offering your services to them at a discounted rate?
• Could you go back to them and ask for referrals to other businesses you could serve, giving them a cut of the proceeds if they send a client your way?
• Could you rely on family or friends for financial assistance?
• Could your boyfriend pretend to be renting from you in your house & claim some form of unemployment benefit?
• Could you get office work or work as a sales assistant in a shop/supermarket? Just to tide things over until you get back a little breathing space
• Could you get someone here on the forum to package up your previous success stories in an attractive case study, get someone else to help you find work via cold outreach & pay them both on a contingency basis (I.e. when results manifest)?
• Do you have any personal possessions you could sell to earn some money?
• Could you link up with a local homeless shelter and offer them use of your home as emergency/overflow accommodation in exchange for cash? Which you could use to rent a room somewhere, perhaps
• Could you sign up to a platform like Amazon's Mechanical Turk or Rev.com - something that offers low, but relatively consistent yields?

 

[BellaPippin]

Memes?

 

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[Deleted74396]

Wow, @BellaPippin I'm so grateful for your honesty with me. It's honestly eye-opening. I have to take things slow as I have so much to process.

I like ZenHabits/PsychCentral-type blog articles as they break things down in an easy to understand way. I couldn't make it past the subheadings on a post about narcissistic abuse until this evening after finally opening up to a friend (long distance sadly) about my partner.

This one is too real. It's not quite mind-numbing as I'm adding value to the property but it definitely explains why I'm finding it so easy to hyper-focus on renovation work (despite never being interested in physical work/building much before):

You feel emotionally or even physically detached from your environment, experiencing disruptions in your memory, perceptions, consciousness and sense of self. Dissociation can lead to emotional numbing in the face of horrific circumstances. Mind-numbing activities, obsessions, addictions and repression may become a way of life because they give you an escape from your current reality. Your brain finds ways to emotionally block out the impact of your pain so you do not have to deal with the full terror of your circumstances.

And another.

A common symptom of trauma is avoiding anything that represents reliving the trauma – whether it be people, places or activities that pose that threat. Whether it be your friend, your partner, your family member, co-worker or boss, you find yourself constantly watching what you say or do around this person lest you incur their wrath, punishment or become the object of their envy.

However, you find that this does not work and you still become the abuser’s target whenever he or she feels entitled to use you as an emotional punching bag.

Yup, since December when I started working on my own problems, I've been way more thoughtful, selfless and generally a much better person. Still, from the way I'm spoken to you'd think I was a lazy piece of trash who does nothing all day. Nothing I do is ever good enough for him. Even when I do 6-8 hours of work, and he does 2!

And here's the big two, especially considering before finding FLF I was seriously expecting to not be in this world as of 2020, following my disastrous 2019 - which I blamed myself for:

Victims often find themselves ruminating over the abuse and hearing the abuser’s voice in their minds, amplifying their negative self-talk and tendency towards self-sabotage. Malignant narcissists ‘program’ and condition their victims to self-destruct – sometimes even to the point of driving them to suicide.

You fear doing what you love and achieving success.

Since many pathological predators are envious of their victims, they punish them for succeeding. This conditions their victims to associate their joys, interests, talents and areas of success with cruel and callous treatment. This conditioning gets their victims to fear success lest they be met with reprisal and reprimand.

As a result, victims become depressed, anxious, lack confidence and they may hide from the spotlight and allow their abusers to ‘steal’ the show again and again. Realize that your abuser is not undercutting your gifts because they truly believe you are inferior; it is because those gifts threaten their control over you.

Even now I feel a slight amount of fear sharing this, that people will see me as weak, but my only hope is that it can give hope to or help just one person.

'The first step is becoming aware of the reality of your situation and validating it'

I just have to remember I am going to be happy and successful and fulfilled and not to be afraid of the journey this thread details.

 

[Deleted74396]

I have no money, now Prime Minister has us on a lockdown so I can't even sell the house. I'm feeling suicidal, hopeless, and like I can't cope. Ever since I joined in November I've been focused on my plan and things getting better and it's just not happening. My debt is growing and I'm even further away from being able to invest in my business. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but I can see darkness and it's welcoming, I'm in so much pain and I'm tired of hurting constantly, of constant pushbacks, of things NEVER EVER getting better. I'm just exhausted