Dealing with depression as an entrepreneur, figuring things out as I go

[Deleted74396]

Well... for me your choice of words sounds alarming. I don't know your health insurance situation but I would urge you to seek professional help.

This isn't by all means to make your problems even bigger or that you are beyond hope (which I think you're not) but you seem to be in a dark place mental wise and your language forms some kind of strong picture.

Just saw this. I'm on the wait list for therapy. It's good advice and I'm definitely keen to see a professional, thank you

 

[Deleted74396]

Hey! Glad to see that you are sharing this. That feeling is shared by many and discussing it and letting people know that they are no the only ones is a major gift.

Feel free to reach out for anything you need and let´s vent here!!!

It was almost therapeutic to share this with people actually. And it's good to know it could comfort someone who feels the same, now or in the future. I told my doctor the basics and they were like "is that all you're stressed about?" so I didn't get it all out.

And thanks for that, I totally will

 

[NotAnotherUser11]

edited - too negative

 

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[sparechange]

Take some time and engage in your hobbies, try martial arts maybe, for me doing some workouts makes me feel a bit better. You'll probably end up making some new friends as well.

Every boxing/judo/ whatever gym offers a free trial, give it a go if you are open to the idea. You don't need to fight anyone, it can be strictly a workout/cardio class.

 

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[Deleted74396]

At the moment, the way I see it, your identity is not yours. You don't know who YOU are - who you are when you drop the bullies, and the external goals. Who are you deep inside?

Find out who that girl deep inside is. Find out what she values, what she wants, what makes her tick. And to do that you MUST accept to be vulnerable. By posting this here you are beginning to do that. Honesty brings with it vulnerability, and vulnerability brings about strength. So do not be afraid to be yourself. if you feel vulnerable, say so. If you feel weak, say so. You will gain a strength most people lack - the strength of bearing one's weaknesses, one's faults, and all the rest of it. Who can bear it is strong, by definition.

Your entire message was so useful and made sense totally. I'll give it a read a few more times to really try and take it in.

As you said I need to work on my relationship with myself. That's something I've even read and just sort of assumed I was doing as I spend a lot of time in my head, but actually I'm not figuring out who I am

 

[JamesQB8]

I went through a similar pattern. It sounds like an extreme step and obviously do your research first but taking Ayahausca in 2018 changed my life.

Here's my article on the experience if you're interested

My first experience with Ayahuasca – JourneyByJC

 

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[Deleted74396]

Two years ago i had depression too. Suicidal toughts and all. Today i'm happy guy. Very determined with my bussiness. i'm almost 29 so you got the business part much better and are much younger, congrats.
The 5 key things that got me out of depresion were:

1.I started meditating: This is great for dealing with those recurring toughts. I also learned to laugh and "contemplate my mind" when a dark tought came. And let it pass.
2. Started taking CBD oil: This is huge. It's hard to be happy when your homeostásis is poor. There is just too much toxines around in our modern world. CBD heals.
3. Started paying atention to diet, exactly to omega 3 intake. If you don't balance omega 3 and omega 6 body starts deteriorating. Most diets are in a disbalance with lots of omega 6 (meat, eggs, chicken, fish, peanut, oils, etc) and no omega 3 (chia and flax). Just eat chia seeds or flax seeds every day, it's cheap and huge help. Also I went vegan 2 years ago.
4. Work out regularly.
5. Do Yoga as often as i can.

Hapiness is the neuro quimical state of a healthy human.

What is your diet like ?

Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely be checking back and taking into account these points.

In terms of diet I eat a lot of meat, an ok amount of of greens and veg, but you're right that I'll be missing out on stuff like seeds. I never ever eat anything like that!

 

[Deleted74396]

Read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. A fantastic book for the Unscripted Mindset, and for happiness.

I need a second listen but WOW what a book! That was incredible, and I already feel the benefits from starting to apply that knowledge. Thanks for the recommendation

 

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[CaptainAmerica]

I told my doctor the basics and they were like "is that all you're stressed about?" so I didn't get it all out.

Step 1: get a new doctor

There's tons of good advice, but you've got to deal with the physical/chemical issues first. See a better doctor, take medicine, go for walks, meditate, exercise, eat better.... THEN do an assessment.

I hate depression. It consumed me for almost 4 years, I can't imagine what you're dealing with. I'm sorry anyone has to address it, but for most of us, there are ways to treat it that make it a smaller influence.

 

[BellaPippin]

Glad things are going well. I understand the burnout, it felt like that at one point when I was working two jobs AND taking college classes. Hang in there if it's about to end. Just hang in there. You will be so glad that you did. Looking back on my associates damn I cried blood sometimes but I did it and I'm done with it, it's there. If I ever decide to study something that interests me I can transfer those, and if I need a job it ups my chances over only a high-school degree. So just hang in there, it's the last stretch you can do it! I'm rooting for you.

 

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[Deleted74396]

medications suck a$$, having tried almost all of the various types out there.

Yeah right?

Psychotherapy. See a specialist. Please. Do it for us. Don't wait. One day is better, one day is worse. Believe me I have gone through it. No amount of anything will help. Drugs are good but for limited time (never taken any, but have friends that do, they might save life). Reading books... Will distract you, but it's short term. Direct advice here will not help you (most probably). It's like talking to someone who is sad - 'be happy' - Ok now I know, I have been so stupid by being sad... well it doesn't work this way. Or 'you are poor?' - 'be rich then'. Mystery solved. If this were that easy then everybody would be happy and rich. And we aren't... Only a few...

I wrote it today if you are interested. I understand it may not help you. Everyone is different. This is why seeing a specialist is so important. And not always the first one will be the right one.

You had the courage to share it which is really great because a lot of people are in pain but also afraid of sharing. Sharing is crucial.

I'm living month to month ATM and simply couldn't afford it, but by the end of the year I will have some financial security.

Seeing specialists is definitely something I want to do. I regret not doing so last time I had success, but at least this time I know to make it a priority I appreciate your kind words!

 

[Everyman]

I hope I am not pushing or anything. After reading my post I thought... All advice in this thread is great and might help. I don't know you personally and no one does here. This is why I wrote it. Depression is to severe to ignore it and leave it to 'a forum'. Especially after what you have been through...

I'm living month to month ATM and simply couldn't afford it, but by the end of the year I will have some financial security.

If finances is the only reason then let me know. We might figure something out. Again, don't want to push you. I am really worried because I have studied and read a lot about it and we should take care of each other.

 

[Deleted74396]

I hope I am not pushing or anything. After reading my post I thought... All advice in this thread is great and might help. I don't know you personally and no one does here. This is why I wrote it. Depression is to severe to ignore it and leave it to 'a forum'. Especially after what you have been through...



If finances is the only reason then let me know. We might figure something out. Again, don't want to push you. I am really worried because I have studied and read a lot about it and we should take care of each other.

I sent you a message

 

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[MrYoshi]

edit: don't overthink

Ahhhh,

Another person transformed by Eckhart. He saved me tbh - it's actually a bit messed up now that I think about all the folks that will never experience the now.

 

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[John Clancy]

Absolutely! Most of the time I manage to not overthink now, and not be overly pessimistic, but I still catch it creeping in. Then, after a short while, things either work out, or it's not a big a deal as the thoughts in my head were making it.

To paraphrase a teaching I read somewhere:

Enlightenment isn't a state, achieved once and maintained forever... It's a process.

By catching those thought spirals as they're happening and heading them off before they lead you down the wrong path, you're living as you need to.

 

[Deleted74396]

To paraphrase a teaching I read somewhere:

Enlightenment isn't a state, achieved once and maintained forever... It's a process.

By catching those thought spirals as they're happening and heading them off before they lead you down the wrong path, you're living as you need to.

I appreciate your words

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

Feeling Good by David Burns

The website of David D. Burns, MD | 129: Flexing the Mindfulness Meditation Muscle | Feeling Good

Fabrice describes the history, goals, and healing mechanism of meditation / minfulness.

feelinggood.com

This was an interesting podcast by D. Burns, quite negative on mindfulness/meditation.

 

[Deleted74396]

Do you have an NHS Walk in Clinic near you? Usually they are in largish towns, not sure where in Yorkshire you live.

You can't make an appointment so take a book.

They can refer you to a hospital for the relevant specialist to see you (which is what your GP should be doing) Or is there another GP in the surgery? Usually there are 3 or 4.

Something is causing the pain and needs investigating. Your GP is suggesting it is psychosomatic. He/she could be right but it would be beyond his/her level of expertise.

Dan

Sorry I don't think I made it clear, I only get these feelings when I'm feeling anxious or depressed. I'm talking about the feeling of depression and anxiety. I don't have any non-psychosomatic pain.

The only thing medically that'd help would be mental health care. Sadly I'm up North and it's almost impossible to get a referral to a psychotherapist, my friend got a referral after 18 months of pushing their GP yet now the wait is 2 years.

Within that amount of time, I'll have moved away from the area (selling house this year) and be well on my way with my fastlane plans so will be able to pay specialists out of pocket

 

[Deleted74396]

Call someone now. 116 123 from your phone.

Talk to us on the phone

Whatever you're going through, call us free any time, from any phone, on 116 123.

www.samaritans.org

I'm alright, just had some food and feeling okay. I'm not going to do anything.

 

[BellaPippin]

I'm still stuck in a similarly shitty situation.

So like, shitty situation w/aggresive boyfriend, shitty situation - aggresive boyfriend to worry about? It's a no brainer. The house DOESN'T MATTER. It's a house. It won't be nearly as bad as you imagine. You're trapped by fear.

Also I also thought like that and he didn't do half of what I thought he would do. He didn't wanna risk his good boy reputation outside the house doors. They use fear to keep you there and that's why you think you should suck up another year. Don't.

You can bounce back from losing money. But it took me two years, and ongoing medication and therapy to bounce back from the trauma. You can pay bills with a simple retail job. You're not useless. You probably think you can't work because he's telling you all that bullshit. Is a house worth more than your life? Because even if he doesn't kill you he's robbing you of it in time and spirit.

 

[BellaPippin]

I feel you, really I do. But I live alone, I don't have any friends and my family abandoned me a long time ago. Even if I dumped him, he'd only be living a few miles away. I have no pets even so I'd be totally alone in my house, it wouldn't be safe. He's threatened to smash my windows, and even made comments about wanting his ex's head on a stick if she wasn't far away. It's not as easy as just leaving :/

I live abroad. I only had one friend, who helped me pack to leave unannounced. You can kick him out if the house is yours and get a restraining order. There's probably resources in your area for domestic violence. The reason you don't have friends is because they isolate you. Not working a job didn't help you either. That was where I met my only friend here, the one who helped me.

Look, I know the feeling, I know I'm making it sound like it's easy when it's not. This is a "feel the fear and do it anyway" type of thing. Because if the violence escalates the result will be the same either way. Look for help in the area. They will help you kick him out and keep him away. If he's nasty in texts start taking screenshots. If he lays a finger on you take a picture of the bruise. Record sound if you can.

Just as me the only thing stopping you from progress is THAT. Yes it's a pain in the a$$ but being in your situation is even worse. I was married and had to file for divorce and see him in court and stuff. The only thing I asked for in exchange of everything I was supposedly entitled to was that he refinanced the condo so I was out of the loan, only so that the whole nightmare would end faster. But if I hadn't gone through that relatively shorter hell I wouldn't have escaped the violent situation I was in. Although he doesn't know where I live we're in the same city.

He says that about his ex to scare you. There's a reason she's her ex and is far away, living her life now. If he is that crazy how hard is it to get on a train/plane to go hurt her or whatever? Call his bluff. Is it a gamble? Yes, maybe, but like I said there's people that help with this and to protect you from retaliation, if he is indeed that crazy. You are not alone. If you leave you have a chance if you don't leave you don't even get that.

 

[Deleted74396]

Quick update after a tough month. Life is really trying me, I can't believe the timing. My online house views went down from 250 to 20-40 now the virus hit... Meanwhile I'm still getting my a$$ beat (and not in the good way), so that's fun. I am considering selling the house at auction but I'm not sure how much I'd get, I'd likely take a 30-40k loss on the cost of the house and what I already spent. Managing to keep the suicidal thoughts away but I just want to get out of this place so bad. I can't believe how unlucky I continue to be. I just want out...

 

[Matt Sun]

Quick update after a tough month. Life is really trying me, I can't believe the timing. My online house views went down from 250 to 20-40 now the virus hit... Meanwhile I'm still getting my a$$ beat (and not in the good way), so that's fun. I am considering selling the house at auction but I'm not sure how much I'd get, I'd likely take a 30-40k loss on the cost of the house and what I already spent. Managing to keep the suicidal thoughts away but I just want to get out of this place so bad. I can't believe how unlucky I continue to be. I just want out...

Isn't patience an option ? This virus WILL pass. Even tought you sold for 30k loss now, there is nowhere to go right now.
You got a nice shelter for this storm, and once it pass you can sell it for a good price i'm sure.

 

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[Deleted74396]

Isn't patience an option ? This virus WILL pass. Even tought you sold for 30k loss now, there is nowhere to go right now.
You got a nice shelter for this storm, and once it pass you can sell it for a good price i'm sure.

I can't stay here and work as my FL business plan requires the capital from this place! The alternative is staying here several years, at least, whilst it recovers again. I *HATE* it here, all of my capital is tied up here. It's horrible to be stuck with £0 income when I have all my money tied up in a property. It's frustrating when I know exactly how to make money, but can't afford to. I can't even rent it as I can't afford to finish the reburishments! It's HELL. A recession is here, so it's not like it's going to go up in value any time soon, virus or not.

 

[Deleted74396]

As a first step I would recommend Eckart Tolle's The Power of Now.

It's impossible to be depressed in the unending present.

I understand what you're saying and I'm embarrassed about the fact I've even read the book several years ago and now don't even remember it. I'll go back to it and give it a read with a different outlook, when I was doing good I don't think it connected.

The deeper answer is that if you are depressed it's because your life isn't what you want in some way.

I understand this, but the reason I'm depressed is the exact reason as before. I didn't have the money to do what I wanted. I guess money isn't a good enough reason any more (maybe it worked better with a younger mindset), and I need to try think of something else.

Every point seems to relate back to money for me though, e.g. what in my life isn't what I want? One of the big ones is lack of independence, which a car would help with, but you need money for a car.

Why can't I use these things that aren't how I want in my life to push me forward like I used to? Lack of independence was one of the things that kept me going and figuring ways out of my situation, but now I can't seem to and it's driving me mad. I've been thinking for months and I'm bugging myself out even as I just can't come up with the solutions and answers that in the past would be effortless.

 

[Deleted74396]

Thanks for sharing your story. Are you living in a location or place that brings you joy? Are your friends and associates mostly positive and add value to your friendship? Do you watch comedy? Do you realize that when you have a negative thought to stop thinking negative and change the scenario to a positive outcome. Have you had blood-work to rule out low levels of vitamin, serotonin or vitamin D etc.? Do you keep track of what types of foods you are eating that may cause this such as too much sugar or too much so called junk food?
These are some of my thoughts you have a long road thanks for reaching out I think it is great you listen to music you enjoy and workout get the endorphins moving. I am not sure where you live, could it also be lack of sunshine....need one of those lights that help...yes, keep trying different tactics and see if there is any cause and effect going on. Could be as simple as need more activity like something to look forward to...a trip a sport etc, avocado is a good food when you are feeling blah, breath, hang out with people whom inspire you. Some of us need more excitement in life, lack of human touch the list goes on Hang in there and never stop dreaming just breath and know that you are not alone and many people experience this it is all personal and different for everyone and every day is a new day to begin. Don't be so hard on yourself and of course if need be see a professional

No, I'm not living in a place that brings joy. I honestly don't have any local friends and I'm determined to create a social life when I move.

I understand your points, but as @ravenspear said, I am depressed because my life isn't what I want.

I'm unhappy because I live in an unfinished house, I'm depressed because I don't have the money to move forward, I sometimes feel hopeless as even working towards finding an investor now, it's so far out of my comfort zone that I have constant stress and anxiety.

I miss my independence, but it relies on the above working out, so I can have financial security again and buy a car.

I miss socialising but my friends are professionals who enjoy doing things that cost money, so again it comes back to money.

My past experience confuses me so much as I had some of the same problems yet I was always able to come up with solutions and feel ok most of the time. Now I feel less than ok most of the time, and I can't come up with solutions any more. Or I can't afford them, which just makes my depression and hopelessness worse

 

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[Deleted74396]

I had a lot of depression and stress last year. It was the worst year of my life. These two books helped me a lot:

Full Catastrophe Living - Jon Kabat Zinn

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Jon Kabat Zinn

Has your 2019 been better? I'm confident 2020 will be, and that I'll make it so, but damn it doesn't make this awful year any better!

Thanks for the reading recommendations, I'll be checking those out

 

[WJK]

Totally feel what you're saying! Honestly just since making this post and the helpful replies like this one, I've been making those little changes and feeling better about things moving forward

Good for you. Get up. Get on with your life. Do something -- even if it doesn't work. Nothing happens until you make that decision to move forward and then take the first step!

 

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[Matt Sun]

I'm happy to know you are doing well.
It would be a great value if you share any new habit that helped you improve.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

The book is a self-guided workshop where you learn how to apply cognitive behavioral therapy to your depression. CBT is the gold-standard in depression treatment. The book itself is very easy to read, engaging, and uses a lot of common sense type things that really work.

I've read it, and its made a huge impact.

The overall theme of the book is this: our thoughts *create* our emotions. It walks you through how to identify the negative thoughts you're having, and then shows you how to counteract them.

I would be careful with calling CBT the gold-standard for depression. The evidence-based methods (CBT being among them) are notorious for being "popular" for the simple reason that they're easy to track, easy to systematize (same method applied to everyone), and easy to apply (they reduce the person to thoughts, feelings and behaviours).

In some cases, they're just treating symptoms, while ignoring the underlying causes. This makes them a favorite for insurance companies - it's easy to pay for a limited 6-9 weeks treatment than it is to pay for an undefined treatment in psychoanalysis, where you don't know how long it will take, and how to standardise the application.

But still, the truth remains that people are different and life is very complicated. Reducing a person to just their thoughts, feelings and behaviour while ignoring the context and the bigger picture is likely to offer just bandaid when a deeper solution/treatment is required.

On this topic, this video is interesting:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4JQamcq24c


Some famous psychologists, like Jordan Peterson for example, aren't CBT practitioners.

 

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