Comfortable with a lack of hunger...

[jeandearme]

I am on this forum for God knows how long (over a decade) and after so many fails I noticed one thing this year.

I am no longer hungry.

I just can't force myself to go at it again and I don't even know what kind of business I could do. Totally clueless at what people might want that I can provide. When I look at all those kids I think to myself what wrong I did that I couldn't be where they are?

I'm a software developer so I have stable income. I put all of it into crypto because that's the only thing right now that I'm interested in (small high-risk bets). Still, I don't feel that hunger. I go sleep at the same time and I rather go to sleep than stay up all night and work.

How to fight? Should I even? Maybe I should just focus on income and crypto until it works (same as business) and call it a day when it work?

I'm just tired and just seeing my days pass by like there is no tomorrow instead of squeezing more out of it. Anyone been stuck in similar downward spiral as I am?

 

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[Sirrom]

Quit your job and burn your ships.

 

[jeandearme]

Quit your job and burn your ships.

Did that many times. Now I live back at my Mum's place - died too many times after burning ships.

 

[Antifragile]

I am on this forum for God knows how long (over a decade) and after so many fails I noticed one thing this year.

I am no longer hungry.

I just can't force myself to go at it again and I don't even know what kind of business I could do. Totally clueless at what people might want that I can provide. When I look at all those kids I think to myself what wrong I did that I couldn't be where they are?

I'm a software developer so I have stable income. I put all of it into crypto because that's the only thing right now that I'm interested in (small high-risk bets). Still, I don't feel that hunger. I go sleep at the same time and I rather go to sleep than stay up all night and work.

How to fight? Should I even? Maybe I should just focus on income and crypto until it works (same as business) and call it a day when it work?

I'm just tired and just seeing my days pass by like there is no tomorrow instead of squeezing more out of it. Anyone been stuck in similar downward spiral as I am?

I don't care if you are doing business or trying to compete in boxing - it's the same thing. You need small wins to keep going and getting better.

There is nothing as addictive as winning. If you hit the gym, you see progress and you'll want to do it again and again. If someone comments on your great body, you'll keep going. If you make a $1 and then $10 and then $1,000 and then your first $1MM - you'll get just as addicted.

The whole "I don't have the hunger" is your brain fooling you into thinking it's ok to lose. And whatever you think enough of, you become that.

Of you lived your life on repeat from now on, where will you be in 5 years? How about in 45 years? Dead but not buried or alive and thriving? What you are posting is just your mood but mood is part of your habits. Even your crypto bets are indicative of that. You think "high risk, high reward", and I am here to correct you "voluntary throwing out of money and opportunities". Gambling is like that.

In short, you seem to have bad habits.

Your habits are what drives your mood, and mood is a filter through which you experience life. Happiness is not some fantom state of joy, it is how your mood filters experiences of life.

And guess what? YOU do NOT sounds happy to me. This whole post is a whiny call for help! OK. Here's help. BECOME a LEADER.

Traits of a good leader:

• Courage - to take a stand
• Perseverance - to finish what you start
• Integrity - to say what you mean
• Self-control - to keep emotion in check
• Fairness - knowing right and wrong
• Discretion - humility, modesty.

If you let your brain fool you into thinking you "lack hunger", remember this - right before you die, you'll regret some things. What will those things be? Typically it's something you DIDN'T do while you could.

Other things to ponder:

• Your thoughts may actually not be your own. Social conditioning can make us believe things that weren't our thoughts or beliefs in the first place. Examine your beliefs and reflect on their origin, then decide.
• No emotion is permanent, your anger, happiness, joy - all of it. I hope you've developed enough awareness just by being alive to know that even worst things that happened, will pass. Remember this quote: "this too shall pass".

Lastly:

Team Sky is an excellent example of a 1% gains across every conceivable little gain possible. They re-defined how cycling teams won Tour de France.

Turn the clock back to 2010 and Britain had never produced a Tour De France winning rider.

The team was founded with the primary goal of producing the first British winner of the Tour De France. To accomplish this, it was decided that the core of the squad should be comprised of relatively young British riders, supplemented with several established foreign names. The first roster of Sky riders reflected this, including the likes of; Thomas, Froome, Wiggins and Stannard, alongside Simon Gerrans, Edvald Boasson Hagen and Thomas Löfkvist..

Marginal gains yield major rewards​

The long list of triumphs enjoyed by Team Sky since their inception can be largely attributed to what is known as the ‘aggregation of marginal gains‘.

This philosophy was implemented by Dave Brailsford following his appointment as general manager of the team. In his own words, the basis of the theory is that “if you break down everything you could think of, that goes into riding a bike, and then improve it by 1%, you will get a significant increase when you put them all together. They’re tiny things, but if you clump them together it can be the difference between winning and losing.”

Their search for efficiency has included countless innovative tweaks, some of which may seem to the untrained eye to be tenuously linked to performance on a bike. Such changes include; travelling with their own mattresses and pillows to ensure riders sleep and recover as best as possible, colour coding water bottles to differentiate between water and energy drinks saving time on the road, and travelling on their state of the art team bus known as ‘The Death Star’, decked out with reclining padded seats, a shower, a treatment room, and a built in sound system.

Result? The British based outfit have produced the race winner 7 in a row.


Apply this to business - ANY business, and success is 10x more likely.

 

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[Panos Daras]

How old are you?
What do you want to get out of life?

 

[MakeItHappen]

Like Antifragile wrote you need some small wins because you have gotten used to losing and you likely on a subconscious level don't believe anymore that you can REALLY make it.

Did that many times. Now I live back at my Mum's place - died too many times after burning ships.

Can you list the businesses you started?

What business could you start that has a very high likelihood of (moderate) success?
For example, if a plumber starts his own business and executes well the odds of success are high (sure he like will not become a billionaire but he will have a nice cash-flowing business that can set the stage for all kinds of good things)

Start that kind of business... a boring business that simply needs execution to succeed, not some app that has a high likelihood of failure no matter how well you execute.

If I were a software developer I would start a coding agency and I would build a team of third-world coders.

 

[Johnny boy]

I used to play tug-of-war with my dog. He would always win. I could rip that little dog to shreds but he always won because he would never give up.

I'd pull, spin him around, it would go on for 5 minutes and I would just get bored or distracted. He wouldn't let go. Jaws clenched. I'd let go eventually and he'd be the winner by default.

He wasn't motivated. He's a dog, he's barely conscious. Dumb as F*ck.

He would win BECAUSE he was stupid.

He didn't have distracting thoughts.

He didn't have an existential crisis.

He spent no time overthinking.

He just did what dogs do.

I try to be more like that in the things I do. Not overthinking, not having an existential crisis, and not thinking about the past or getting distracted.

I try to be too stupid to give up.

In some things we should keep an open mind. But I have a closed mind in many things, and that's good.

Things that are settled in our mind do not need motivation, constant reflection, etc. They are just "accepted". It saves time, and keeps you steady, like a dog playing tug-of-war. He has settled on his jaws being clenched. If there's a tug of war game, he is going to win, without a shred of motivation or thoughts.

I have a short term memory. I have forgotten about things that didn't work (still retaining the lessons from them), but I don't go into my days with a memory of all the hard stuff that would make me feel like I am burning out.

I have settled on what I am doing and the work that I must do.

You on the other hand, carry all of the memories with you, already tired before even starting again. "I just cant force myself to go at it again".

There is no "again".

Do not count the cost. Do not recall all the work you did.

You only ever have to do things one day at a time. You have enough energy for today. Then, go to bed. Focus on today, making it the best day and being as productive as you can right now, making a little progress. You don't have to do it all at once, just a day at a time.

This is not a decade journey. You are not burnt out and exhausted. You are just thinking improperly.

You have enough for today so just focus on giving your best for the next half of the day and then go to bed.

You should not have to be hungry. It should just be a question of what your goals are, and then which actions will be most efficacious in achieving those goals.

I am settled on my goal. I have broken my goal up into smaller goals that form a plan, and have broken up those plans into action items and to-do lists. At no point did I ask how much motivation I'll need to achieve them. I happened to stay up until 3am last night. But that's not the point.

You simply need to do the following.

Find a worthy goal that would be worth working for 10 years for. If it does not feel like it would be worth it, then you are thinking too small and being realistic which is another word for "lame as F*ck". Your goal should be unrealistic because that is what makes a decade worth it.

Break it up into smaller goals and make a plan.

Break that up into action items and to-do lists.

Then execute it. Nowhere does it say to get motivated or anything about ANY feelings as a prerequisite to action. Always remember that feelings follow actions. If you ever do want to feel a certain way, you must create that feeling with an action.

Write down your goals and keep them to yourself. Write a short term goal on a little piece of paper and carry it with you. Wake up and think about it in a positive way. Go to bed and think about it in a positive way. Think about it and glance at it many times throughout the day, and spend 0 time thinking negatively about your goal or your life or things you fear. Do not wait to feel positive before acting, but rather it is just a direction to you for you to control your thoughts.

Your mind is like fertile soil. It will return what you plant. If you plant negative things or positive things, it does not care. You will reap what you sow.

Your life is a reflection of what you plant in your mind and let your mind work on. Set goals, break them down into plans, plant the path in your mind, settle in on it so doubts and setback have little effect, do not be emotional, and just execute. There is nothing else, it is so simple that you must allow yourself to be stupid enough to let it remain so simple.

A man is what he thinks about all day long.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks he becomes.
-Mahatma Gandhi

A man's life is what his thoughts make of it.
-Marcus Aurelius

 

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[Johnny boy]

Like Antifragile wrote you need some small wins because you have gotten used to losing and you likely on a subconscious level don't believe anymore that you can REALLY make it.



Can you list the businesses you started?

What business could you start that has a very high likelihood of (moderate) success?
For example, if a plumber starts his own business and executes well the odds of success are high (sure he like will not become a billionaire but he will have a nice cash-flowing business that can set the stage for all kinds of good things)

Start that kind of business... a boring business that simply needs execution to succeed, not some app that has a high likelihood of failure no matter how well you execute.

If I were a software developer I would start a coding agency and I would build a team of third-world coders.

100% he needs some wins on the board to help with his own perceptions and esteem. Nothing like making your first money from a business. It hooks you for life.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

I am on this forum for God knows how long (over a decade) and after so many fails I noticed one thing this year.

I am no longer hungry.

I just can't force myself to go at it again and I don't even know what kind of business I could do. Totally clueless at what people might want that I can provide. When I look at all those kids I think to myself what wrong I did that I couldn't be where they are?

I'm a software developer so I have stable income. I put all of it into crypto because that's the only thing right now that I'm interested in (small high-risk bets). Still, I don't feel that hunger. I go sleep at the same time and I rather go to sleep than stay up all night and work.

How to fight? Should I even? Maybe I should just focus on income and crypto until it works (same as business) and call it a day when it work?

I'm just tired and just seeing my days pass by like there is no tomorrow instead of squeezing more out of it. Anyone been stuck in similar downward spiral as I am?

How can you be hungry when your belly is full?

You said it yourself…

“I’m a software developer so I have stable income”

That’s the problem.

Go to unstable income, where you actually have to do something every day to earn your money and you’ll see how hungry you become.

 

[Shono]

I don't care if you are doing business or trying to compete in boxing - it's the same thing. You need small wins to keep going and getting better.

There is nothing as addictive as winning. If you hit the gym, you see progress and you'll want to do it again and again. If someone comments on your great body, you'll keep going. If you make a $1 and then $10 and then $1,000 and then your first $1MM - you'll get just as addicted.

The whole "I don't have the hunger" is your brain fooling you into thinking it's ok to lose. And whatever you think enough of, you become that.

Of you lived your life on repeat from now on, where will you be in 5 years? How about in 45 years? Dead but not buried or alive and thriving? What you are posting is just your mood but mood is part of your habits. Even your crypto bets are indicative of that. You think "high risk, high reward", and I am here to correct you "voluntary throwing out of money and opportunities". Gambling is like that.

In short, you seem to have bad habits.

Your habits are what drives your mood, and mood is a filter through which you experience life. Happiness is not some fantom state of joy, it is how your mood filters experiences of life.

And guess what? YOU do NOT sounds happy to me. This whole post is a whiny call for help! OK. Here's help. BECOME a LEADER.

Traits of a good leader:

• Courage - to take a stand
• Perseverance - to finish what you start
• Integrity - to say what you mean
• Self-control - to keep emotion in check
• Fairness - knowing right and wrong
• Discretion - humility, modesty.

If you let your brain fool you into thinking you "lack hunger", remember this - right before you die, you'll regret some things. What will those things be? Typically it's something you DIDN'T do while you could.

Other things to ponder:

• Your thoughts may actually not be your own. Social conditioning can make us believe things that weren't our thoughts or beliefs in the first place. Examine your beliefs and reflect on their origin, then decide.
• No emotion is permanent, your anger, happiness, joy - all of it. I hope you've developed enough awareness just by being alive to know that even worst things that happened, will pass. Remember this quote: "this too shall pass".

Lastly:

I used to play tug-of-war with my dog. He would always win. I could rip that little dog to shreds but he always won because he would never give up.

I'd pull, spin him around, it would go on for 5 minutes and I would just get bored or distracted. He wouldn't let go. Jaws clenched. I'd let go eventually and he'd be the winner by default.

He wasn't motivated. He's a dog, he's barely conscious. Dumb as F*ck.

He would win BECAUSE he was stupid.

He didn't have distracting thoughts.

He didn't have an existential crisis.

He spent no time overthinking.

He just did what dogs do.

I try to be more like that in the things I do. Not overthinking, not having an existential crisis, and not thinking about the past or getting distracted.

I try to be too stupid to give up.

In some things we should keep an open mind. But I have a closed mind in many things, and that's good.

Things that are settled in our mind do not need motivation, constant reflection, etc. They are just "accepted". It saves time, and keeps you steady, like a dog playing tug-of-war. He has settled on his jaws being clenched. If there's a tug of war game, he is going to win, without a shred of motivation or thoughts.

I have a short term memory. I have forgotten about things that didn't work (still retaining the lessons from them), but I don't go into my days with a memory of all the hard stuff that would make me feel like I am burning out.

I have settled on what I am doing and the work that I must do.

You on the other hand, carry all of the memories with you, already tired before even starting again. "I just cant force myself to go at it again".

There is no "again".

Do not count the cost. Do not recall all the work you did.

You only ever have to do things one day at a time. You have enough energy for today. Then, go to bed. Focus on today, making it the best day and being as productive as you can right now, making a little progress. You don't have to do it all at once, just a day at a time.

This is not a decade journey. You are not burnt out and exhausted. You are just thinking improperly.

You have enough for today so just focus on giving your best for the next half of the day and then go to bed.

You should not have to be hungry. It should just be a question of what your goals are, and then which actions will be most efficacious in achieving those goals.

I am settled on my goal. I have broken my goal up into smaller goals that form a plan, and have broken up those plans into action items and to-do lists. At no point did I ask how much motivation I'll need to achieve them. I happened to stay up until 3am last night. But that's not the point.

You simply need to do the following.

Find a worthy goal that would be worth working for 10 years for. If it does not feel like it would be worth it, then you are thinking too small and being realistic which is another word for "lame as F*ck". Your goal should be unrealistic because that is what makes a decade worth it.

Break it up into smaller goals and make a plan.

Break that up into action items and to-do lists.

Then execute it. Nowhere does it say to get motivated or anything about ANY feelings as a prerequisite to action. Always remember that feelings follow actions. If you ever do want to feel a certain way, you must create that feeling with an action.

Write down your goals and keep them to yourself. Write a short term goal on a little piece of paper and carry it with you. Wake up and think about it in a positive way. Go to bed and think about it in a positive way. Think about it and glance at it many times throughout the day, and spend 0 time thinking negatively about your goal or your life or things you fear. Do not wait to feel positive before acting, but rather it is just a direction to you for you to control your thoughts.

Your mind is like fertile soil. It will return what you plant. If you plant negative things or positive things, it does not care. You will reap what you sow.

Your life is a reflection of what you plant in your mind and let your mind work on. Set goals, break them down into plans, plant the path in your mind, settle in on it so doubts and setback have little effect, do not be emotional, and just execute. There is nothing else, it is so simple that you must allow yourself to be stupid enough to let it remain so simple.

A man is what he thinks about all day long.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks he becomes.
-Mahatma Gandhi

A man's life is what his thoughts make of it.
-Marcus Aurelius

Goddamn, I almost forgot why I joined this forum recently. Had been so caught up in a negative thought spiral the past couple weeks. Posts like this shock me back into sinus rhythm.

I’ve been prone to negative self beliefs all of my life, conditioned or not, the default state is like being sucked into a tidal wave negativity. I need to stay on guard, stop overthinking. Keep it simple and focus on perseverance and try to get small wins under my belt.

I wish I had friends like you in real life, I wouldn’t be able to fail.

 

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[Shono]

How can you be hungry when your belly is full?

You said it yourself…

“I’m a software developer so I have stable income”

That’s the problem.

Go to unstable income, where you actually have to do something every day to earn your money and you’ll see how hungry you become.

Do you attest to this personally? I also feel this is a huge proponent to my inability to perform.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

Do you attest to this personally? I also feel this is a huge proponent to my inability to perform.

Yes, I’ve never been unmotivated, but I never had a job. I control my income 100%. It’s not going to be the same if I don’t do F*ck all the entire day, day after day.

It’s scary even when you’re at $50K/mo and you realize, F*ck, this income could be gone any day as fast as I made it. Or “F*ck, my margins are getting killed to scale the business… I’m doing $50K/mo but if I want to grow to $100K/mo that means I get to keep very little now so I can expand the team!”

But when you have a job, regardless of what you do, you make money. For sure. That is the ultimate demotivator, because it gives you no reason to work harder. If you work harder, what do you get? Your salary stays the same!

 

[Antifragile]

I wish I had friends like you in real life, I wouldn’t be able to fail.

Two things:

1. You already do. You know me in the real life, you have a direct line.
2. That comment (as flattering as it is) is about external locus of control. You are telling me you rely on having a certain type of friends for YOUR success. It's a problem. You don't need anyone but yourself for how to think. You get to decide how YOU think.

Yes, I’ve never been unmotivated, but I never had a job. I control my income 100%. It’s not going to be the same if I don’t do F*ck all the entire day, day after day.

It’s scary even when you’re at $50K/mo and you realize, F*ck, this income could be gone any day as fast as I made it. Or “F*ck, my margins are getting killed to scale the business… I’m doing $50K/mo but if I want to grow to $100K/mo that means I get to keep very little now so I can expand the team!”

But when you have a job, regardless of what you do, you make money. For sure. That is the ultimate demotivator, because it gives you no reason to work harder. If you work harder, what do you get? Your salary stays the same!

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.”​

― Nassim Nicholas Taleb

 

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[LateStarter]

Now I live back at my Mum's place - died too many times after burning ships.

On the contrary...you didn't die at all. Death would make you uneasy and desperately motivate you to change your situation. You didn't find death, you found comfort...at the expense of others.

It's clear to many of us that you didn't lose your hunger, you stopped making goals and simply gave up on your dreams.

I get it. You're tired of losing and you've gotten complacent because it's easier to take a paycheck and live with Mum than working toward something worthy and rewarding but hard.

You are enjoying floating through life aimlessly instead of taking control of your future and getting back in your feet. If that's what you want for yourself and the one life you've been given, then enjoy it!

But first...

Take a look in the mirror...you know the one...the mirror in the bathroom of your Mum's house. Take a good loooong look.

Is this what you pictured for your life when you were a kid?

Did you dream of
...sleeping in the same house,
...the same bed,
...still steps away from the protecting arms of Mum
...20 years later?

Of course not!

So tell me this... What was it like when you told Mum you wanted to move back in with her? Was she giddy with excitement? Did she weep with joy?

I doubt that too.

All parents want their kids to grow up and have a better life than we did. We'd sacrifice everything we have for them. And your Mum is no different.

But because you gave up on yourself, on your aspirations and resigned yourself to a life of mediocrity, your Mum continues to make sacrifices for you while feeling like she failed you as a parent. She feels that she didn't equip you with the skills to be successful on your own and build the life you wanted.

You want your hunger back? Start by regaining your self respect and rebuilding your independence.

Goal #1 - Stop being a burden on your Mum and get your shit together.

Plan from there.

 

[Mikkel]

Wow. These posts are

I cannot say it better than what @Antifragile or @Johnny boy said.

If I may add:

Totally clueless at what people might want that I can provide.

The world is FILLED with problems, millions if not billions of problems. Some people have the same problem, others are different. If you live a comfy life with the same negative frame of mind, you will never open your eyes wide enough to see problems that are right in front of you. You don't have to sit down at your desk and think of business ideas. I don't think I've ever sat down with a piece of paper and started coming up with business ideas. My business ideas have come from two places, other people providing me with business opportunities(networking, talking with 100s of people) or from experiencing the world and identifying problems and theorizing possible solutions.

I have been a physical therapist for 4 years. I've had a few really good days of looking for problems. Within 2 months, I probably had 2 or 3 days where I was very intentional, looking for problems that I could solve. In those 2 or 3 days, I was shocked at all the problems in my field of work. I think I came up with 5 or 6 products that I would like to take on at some point. The best idea is currently a project that hopefully will become a business. The problem found me, but I was able to identify the problem and come up with a solution(changed many times since the beginning).

You should be intentional and alert, trying to find ways to solve problems. When you have a problem that you can solve, use a proven business model and execute that plan. Don't get fancy. Don't try some complicated process. Keep it simple. Focus on the most important tasks that move the needle.

I promise you that if you focus on meaningful tasks that ACTUALLY move the business forward each day, it is addicting. Don't fool yourself with busy work. Complete the critical tasks.

You also don't have to be an expert to start a business, though it certainly cuts down on the learning curve. If you are not an expert, by the time your business is ready, you should be well-versed with all the work you have put into your business.

Best of luck. I hope you change your frame of mind. My suggestion, use either @Antifragile's or @Johnny boy's frame of mind and implement that frame of mind intentionally every day. You do that for 28 days and your brain will be rewired. If you're not ready for a business yet, or you don't have a business idea, do something else. Working out would be a good start. Just get a win from somewhere.

 

[jeandearme]

A lot of based responses. Thank you, will go through each one by one.

I don't care if you are doing business or trying to compete in boxing - it's the same thing. You need small wins to keep going and getting better.

There is nothing as addictive as winning. If you hit the gym, you see progress and you'll want to do it again and again. If someone comments on your great body, you'll keep going. If you make a $1 and then $10 and then $1,000 and then your first $1MM - you'll get just as addicted.

In the last 2 years I had a personal trainer and gained over 15kg in muscle mass while being depressed more or less. I look better now, but I still feel like shit. Small wins didn't seem to work for me as much nor got me addicted, I just did it because I got older and wanted to at least not be underweight like I was my whole life.

The whole "I don't have the hunger" is your brain fooling you into thinking it's ok to lose. And whatever you think enough of, you become that.

It's more of a "there are just some type of people that know how to win without reading any forums" kind of thinking. Why others make money in their youth without any 'motivational' stuff? Recently I've seen a 14 year old selling a lemonade on a stand. How come I didn't do that his age?

Of you lived your life on repeat from now on, where will you be in 5 years? How about in 45 years? Dead but not buried or alive and thriving? What you are posting is just your mood but mood is part of your habits. Even your crypto bets are indicative of that. You think "high risk, high reward", and I am here to correct you "voluntary throwing out of money and opportunities". Gambling is like that.

Whole life is a gamble, if there is no risk there is no opportunity. Same with businesses, relationships etc. I'm not throwing just randomly, there is still research involved - it's just the most scammy environment out there so it's quite hard if you don't already have some network in there (which I do after 2 years in there) so at least I don't lose money.

In short, you seem to have bad habits.

Your habits are what drives your mood, and mood is a filter through which you experience life. Happiness is not some fantom state of joy, it is how your mood filters experiences of life.

And guess what? YOU do NOT sounds happy to me. This whole post is a whiny call for help! OK. Here's help. BECOME a LEADER.

Exactly, I'm not happy. This whole life thing sucks more each and every day. I feel like I'm 70 already.

Traits of a good leader:

• Courage - to take a stand
• Perseverance - to finish what you start
• Integrity - to say what you mean
• Self-control - to keep emotion in check
• Fairness - knowing right and wrong
• Discretion - humility, modesty.

I have almost all except:
- self-control: I'm still more emotional that I would like to be, not really something I wanted for myself, but here I am
- perseverance: it's a tricky one. How do you know when to cut the losses and when to keep going?

If you let your brain fool you into thinking you "lack hunger", remember this - right before you die, you'll regret some things. What will those things be? Typically it's something you DIDN'T do while you could.

That'd be a long list already. I also suspect having some light form of Asperger's which could explain a bit some issues with myself.

How old are you?
What do you want to get out of life?

I'm over 30 yo, just want to be financially free and F*ck off. I'm tired of everything and just wanna go away.

Can you list the businesses you started?

MINDSET - QUESTION - I'm about to get hired as senior developer and I'm not happy about it it's here. NeoDialectic and fastlane_dad tried to help as well.

What business could you start that has a very high likelihood of (moderate) success?

Would I know I'd be working on it already instead of seeking help...

Start that kind of business... a boring business that simply needs execution to succeed, not some app that has a high likelihood of failure no matter how well you execute.

If I were a software developer I would start a coding agency and I would build a team of third-world coders.

Honestly, less and less I enjoy working with other people. I had already enough disappointments with them and I hate not delivering. So I'd rather freelance, write an app or trade - because at least I have control over the outcomes.

Find a worthy goal that would be worth working for 10 years for. If it does not feel like it would be worth it, then you are thinking too small and being realistic which is another word for "lame as F*ck". Your goal should be unrealistic because that is what makes a decade worth it.

Another million dollar question - I don't see anything worth working 10 years for. Even 1 year is a big ask, I just fear of losing time on something that doesn't work. Hence, I'm trading because if I lose I know within days or weeks, not years.

100% he needs some wins on the board to help with his own perceptions and esteem. Nothing like making your first money from a business. It hooks you for life.

I made (small, but still) money before, it's not like I didn't. It just didn't seem to be taking me where I wanted. The business I sold, an ecomm store, was breaking even for 2 years and couldn't make it bigger even though I tried a lot of stuff. Lost 2 years to basically break even. "Oh, but you gained experience" - well, guess what, it didn't paid bills. I can do F*ck all with that experience now because I don't want to do it anymore.

How can you be hungry when your belly is full?

You said it yourself…

“I’m a software developer so I have stable income”

That’s the problem.

Go to unstable income, where you actually have to do something every day to earn your money and you’ll see how hungry you become.

How millionaires are still grinding with their bellies full? That's not a question of having a full belly since past certain point it can't be just about it.

On the contrary...you didn't die at all. Death would make you uneasy and desperately motivate you to change your situation. You didn't find death, you found comfort...at the expense of others.

It's clear to many of us that you didn't lose your hunger, you stopped making goals and simply gave up on your dreams.

I made more goals in my life than I care to admit. I even found some old goals lists from my childhood. Another thing that didn't work for me even after 20 years of having them.

I get it. You're tired of losing and you've gotten complacent because it's easier to take a paycheck and live with Mum than working toward something worthy and rewarding but hard.

You are enjoying floating through life aimlessly instead of taking control of your future and getting back in your feet. If that's what you want for yourself and the one life you've been given, then enjoy it!

Quite the opposite, not enjoying really.

The world is FILLED with problems, millions if not billions of problems. Some people have the same problem, others are different. If you live a comfy life with the same negative frame of mind, you will never open your eyes wide enough to see problems that are right in front of you. You don't have to sit down at your desk and think of business ideas. I don't think I've ever sat down with a piece of paper and started coming up with business ideas. My business ideas have come from two places, other people providing me with business opportunities(networking, talking with 100s of people) or from experiencing the world and identifying problems and theorizing possible solutions.

I don't talk to people nor I really want to. Lately, this year I made an app that makes it easier to manage OLX ad listings. Before development, I spoke to people that were selling volumes and asked if the problem I found is something they actually would like to have solved. They were all like sure - ok, so market needs that. I developed the app in couple of days, wrote a crawler to find all the big accounts that will make better use of it and so on. When the app was developed I got back to the people that said 'yes' and guess what: suddenly they had some second thoughts or said straight away they don't want it. I was like "what is wrong with these people?" - so maybe problems are there but seems like I can't nail the proper one.

P.S. I'm on a healthy diet and I train 2-3x week (gym and muay thai) just to make sure that this part of my life is covered.

 

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[Roli]

I used to play tug-of-war with my dog. He would always win. I could rip that little dog to shreds but he always won because he would never give up.

I'd pull, spin him around, it would go on for 5 minutes and I would just get bored or distracted. He wouldn't let go. Jaws clenched. I'd let go eventually and he'd be the winner by default.

He wasn't motivated. He's a dog, he's barely conscious. Dumb as F*ck.

He would win BECAUSE he was stupid.

He didn't have distracting thoughts.

He didn't have an existential crisis.

He spent no time overthinking.

He just did what dogs do.

Dude, that just made me smile, I can just imagine the little mutt growling and pulling. Lolz, gotta love dogs! And yes, you're right, we can learn from them.

Much love.

 

[John D.]

I am on this forum for God knows how long (over a decade) and after so many fails I noticed one thing this year.

I am no longer hungry.

I just can't force myself to go at it again and I don't even know what kind of business I could do. Totally clueless at what people might want that I can provide. When I look at all those kids I think to myself what wrong I did that I couldn't be where they are?

I'm a software developer so I have stable income. I put all of it into crypto because that's the only thing right now that I'm interested in (small high-risk bets). Still, I don't feel that hunger. I go sleep at the same time and I rather go to sleep than stay up all night and work.

How to fight? Should I even? Maybe I should just focus on income and crypto until it works (same as business) and call it a day when it work?

I'm just tired and just seeing my days pass by like there is no tomorrow instead of squeezing more out of it. Anyone been stuck in similar downward spiral as I am?

Forget yourself. Forget your feelings, your emotions and your so-called 'lack of hunger'.

Look outwards. Any time I start getting into these introspective moods, that's when I realize I'm focusing too much on what little 'me' wants.

Take account of what you have, rather than what you don't have.

Who can you serve with your current skills? If you can't, then are there any complementary skills you can learn (AI prompting is hot right now) to become a more well-rounded operator?

Think back to your career and try to remember if there were any pressing problems you wish you had the solution to that never got solved. Maybe you can solve them now?

A couple of years ago there was a crypto gold rush. This year the gold rush is all about AI. Who needs a shovel?

Just some ideas to shift your perspective.

I'm just tired and just seeing my days pass by like there is no tomorrow instead of squeezing more out of it.

Is there a tomorrow, really?

Just focus on putting in the time today, one day at a time. If your day job is from 9-5, then it means you're working from 5-9.

Start winning the day, and your hunger will grow.

Most people will give advice like 'quit your job', 'burn your ships' etc. to put external pressure on yourself. That works.

But also consider this... You don't have any hunger/motivation because you don't have any momentum. You step on the gas pedal, and your car supplies the power. It works exclusively in this order. Not the other way around.

So I believe you simply need clarity on what you should be working on, not more hunger.

 

[Muhammad Ibrahim]

A lot of based responses. Thank you, will go through each one by one.

In the last 2 years I had a personal trainer and gained over 15kg in muscle mass while being depressed more or less. I look better now, but I still feel like shit. Small wins didn't seem to work for me as much nor got me addicted, I just did it because I got older and wanted to at least not be underweight like I was my whole life.


It's more of a "there are just some type of people that know how to win without reading any forums" kind of thinking. Why others make money in their youth without any 'motivational' stuff? Recently I've seen a 14 year old selling a lemonade on a stand. How come I didn't do that his age?


Whole life is a gamble, if there is no risk there is no opportunity. Same with businesses, relationships etc. I'm not throwing just randomly, there is still research involved - it's just the most scammy environment out there so it's quite hard if you don't already have some network in there (which I do after 2 years in there) so at least I don't lose money.


Exactly, I'm not happy. This whole life thing sucks more each and every day. I feel like I'm 70 already.


I have almost all except:
- self-control: I'm still more emotional that I would like to be, not really something I wanted for myself, but here I am
- perseverance: it's a tricky one. How do you know when to cut the losses and when to keep going?


That'd be a long list already. I also suspect having some light form of Asperger's which could explain a bit some issues with myself.


I'm over 30 yo, just want to be financially free and F*ck off. I'm tired of everything and just wanna go away.


MINDSET - QUESTION - I'm about to get hired as senior developer and I'm not happy about it it's here. NeoDialectic and fastlane_dad tried to help as well.


Would I know I'd be working on it already instead of seeking help...


Honestly, less and less I enjoy working with other people. I had already enough disappointments with them and I hate not delivering. So I'd rather freelance, write an app or trade - because at least I have control over the outcomes.


Another million dollar question - I don't see anything worth working 10 years for. Even 1 year is a big ask, I just fear of losing time on something that doesn't work. Hence, I'm trading because if I lose I know within days or weeks, not years.


I made (small, but still) money before, it's not like I didn't. It just didn't seem to be taking me where I wanted. The business I sold, an ecomm store, was breaking even for 2 years and couldn't make it bigger even though I tried a lot of stuff. Lost 2 years to basically break even. "Oh, but you gained experience" - well, guess what, it didn't paid bills. I can do F*ck all with that experience now because I don't want to do it anymore.


How millionaires are still grinding with their bellies full? That's not a question of having a full belly since past certain point it can't be just about it.


I made more goals in my life than I care to admit. I even found some old goals lists from my childhood. Another thing that didn't work for me even after 20 years of having them.


Quite the opposite, not enjoying really.


I don't talk to people nor I really want to. Lately, this year I made an app that makes it easier to manage OLX ad listings. Before development, I spoke to people that were selling volumes and asked if the problem I found is something they actually would like to have solved. They were all like sure - ok, so market needs that. I developed the app in couple of days, wrote a crawler to find all the big accounts that will make better use of it and so on. When the app was developed I got back to the people that said 'yes' and guess what: suddenly they had some second thoughts or said straight away they don't want it. I was like "what is wrong with these people?" - so maybe problems are there but seems like I can't nail the proper one.

P.S. I'm on a healthy diet and I train 2-3x week (gym and muay thai) just to make sure that this part of my life is covered.

one question. answer this right now.

WHY
havent
you
already
given
up

 

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[jeandearme]

Take account of what you have, rather than what you don't have.

I do, I appreciate what I have, but it gets harder day by day when not winning.

Who can you serve with your current skills? If you can't, then are there any complementary skills you can learn (AI prompting is hot right now) to become a more well-rounded operator?

Web development (which I freelance right now), social media paid ads (talking to one friend that has a manufacturing company). Not like I'm not trying, it's just it all feel slow and without real big numbers at the end.

Think back to your career and try to remember if there were any pressing problems you wish you had the solution to that never got solved. Maybe you can solve them now?

Sadly, my problems were easy to google and find solution for. Tried that for years, but my problems were usually around me being broke.

A couple of years ago there was a crypto gold rush. This year the gold rush is all about AI. Who needs a shovel?

Crypto will have its time sooner or later again - I'm in the trenches and see people making life changing sums (like from $5k -> $50-$100k within a month) in this bear market and VC's heavily investing in crypto projects. So it will be a gold rush again, just no date on it (next year or in 10 years, no one really knows).

Is there a tomorrow, really?

Never seen one. I live day by day, which some say is bad and I say I just need a direction because life is not a straight arrow. When one has a direction it's easier to be flexible than when sticking to a plan.

Just focus on putting in the time today, one day at a time. If your day job is from 9-5, then it means you're working from 5-9.

This.

Most people will give advice like 'quit your job', 'burn your ships' etc. to put external pressure on yourself. That works.

I did that many times. Ended up badly for me = debt.

But also consider this... You don't have any hunger/motivation because you don't have any momentum. You step on the gas pedal, and your car supplies the power. It works exclusively in this order. Not the other way around.

So I believe you simply need clarity on what you should be working on, not more hunger.

I think I resonate with it more than anything else. I just need direction/clarity for what to do - because everything else is ready (I'm healthy, have a source of income from highly paid skill, I have some online business knowledge, sold one business etc.).

=====
Btw, someone just changed the title of this thread.

 

[jeandearme]

one question. answer this right now.

WHY
havent
you
already
given
up

Because dying is illegal and would just make my family sad. Really, I have not much motivation to live so I'm trying to do my best in current circumstances.

 

[Muhammad Ibrahim]

Because dying is illegal and would just make my family sad. Really, I have not much motivation to live so I'm trying to do my best in current circumstances.

why do you not have the motivation to live and what could happen that would give you the motivation to live?
i mean obviously duty to your family is keeping you in place but apparently not enough to get you anywhere.
also another question, what does the word 'motivation' mean to you

 

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[MakeItHappen]

Because dying is illegal and would just make my family sad. Really, I have not much motivation to live so I'm trying to do my best in current circumstances.

This sounds like you are in a very dark place right now. A lack of hunger is common among people with depression.

Have you thought about getting professional help?

Web development (which I freelance right now), social media paid ads (talking to one friend that has a manufacturing company). Not like I'm not trying, it's just it all feel slow and without real big numbers at the end.

Could this be a lack of sales (skills)? What would have to happen so that the numbers would be bigger and progress would be faster? What are the entrepreneurs doing that have found massive success in this vertical?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I just fear of losing time on something that doesn't work.

This demonstrates a lack of perspective.

TIME can be either INVESTED or WASTED.

It's like money. INVEST it. Or SPEND it on fruitless endeavors designed to give you short-term, fleeting happiness (sitting at home gaming, drinking, lounging, whatever).

If you lose time on some business idea that doesn't work, you didn't lose time, you invested time in the experience which can be leveraged for the next experience. Think of it like practicing for sport.

You, in effect, are like a baseball player who says he doesn't want to waste time practicing, hitting, fielding, because he wants to save himself for the big game.

The problem is, he never gets to the big game because he fails to acquire the skills he never honed in the investment of practice time.

Time always drips away, and it doesn't care how you spend it.

You can invest it. Practice. Small wins. Small failures. It all doesn't matter, it's the process.
Or you can continue wasting it living with mum.

Right now, you're lobbying to waste your time for fear of making an investment that might not get you to the big leagues later.

You either quit and give yourself 0%, impossible odds.
Or you work and give yourself 50%, decent odds.

Those who refuse to see the benefits of practice, never get to the big stage.

The choice is yours.

 

[MRiabov]

A lot of based responses. Thank you, will go through each one by one.

In the last 2 years I had a personal trainer and gained over 15kg in muscle mass while being depressed more or less. I look better now, but I still feel like shit. Small wins didn't seem to work for me as much nor got me addicted, I just did it because I got older and wanted to at least not be underweight like I was my whole life.


It's more of a "there are just some type of people that know how to win without reading any forums" kind of thinking. Why others make money in their youth without any 'motivational' stuff? Recently I've seen a 14 year old selling a lemonade on a stand. How come I didn't do that his age?


Whole life is a gamble, if there is no risk there is no opportunity. Same with businesses, relationships etc. I'm not throwing just randomly, there is still research involved - it's just the most scammy environment out there so it's quite hard if you don't already have some network in there (which I do after 2 years in there) so at least I don't lose money.


Exactly, I'm not happy. This whole life thing sucks more each and every day. I feel like I'm 70 already.


I have almost all except:
- self-control: I'm still more emotional that I would like to be, not really something I wanted for myself, but here I am
- perseverance: it's a tricky one. How do you know when to cut the losses and when to keep going?


That'd be a long list already. I also suspect having some light form of Asperger's which could explain a bit some issues with myself.


I'm over 30 yo, just want to be financially free and F*ck off. I'm tired of everything and just wanna go away.


MINDSET - QUESTION - I'm about to get hired as senior developer and I'm not happy about it it's here. NeoDialectic and fastlane_dad tried to help as well.


Would I know I'd be working on it already instead of seeking help...


Honestly, less and less I enjoy working with other people. I had already enough disappointments with them and I hate not delivering. So I'd rather freelance, write an app or trade - because at least I have control over the outcomes.


Another million dollar question - I don't see anything worth working 10 years for. Even 1 year is a big ask, I just fear of losing time on something that doesn't work. Hence, I'm trading because if I lose I know within days or weeks, not years.


I made (small, but still) money before, it's not like I didn't. It just didn't seem to be taking me where I wanted. The business I sold, an ecomm store, was breaking even for 2 years and couldn't make it bigger even though I tried a lot of stuff. Lost 2 years to basically break even. "Oh, but you gained experience" - well, guess what, it didn't paid bills. I can do F*ck all with that experience now because I don't want to do it anymore.


How millionaires are still grinding with their bellies full? That's not a question of having a full belly since past certain point it can't be just about it.


I made more goals in my life than I care to admit. I even found some old goals lists from my childhood. Another thing that didn't work for me even after 20 years of having them.


Quite the opposite, not enjoying really.


I don't talk to people nor I really want to. Lately, this year I made an app that makes it easier to manage OLX ad listings. Before development, I spoke to people that were selling volumes and asked if the problem I found is something they actually would like to have solved. They were all like sure - ok, so market needs that. I developed the app in couple of days, wrote a crawler to find all the big accounts that will make better use of it and so on. When the app was developed I got back to the people that said 'yes' and guess what: suddenly they had some second thoughts or said straight away they don't want it. I was like "what is wrong with these people?" - so maybe problems are there but seems like I can't nail the proper one.

P.S. I'm on a healthy diet and I train 2-3x week (gym and muay thai) just to make sure that this part of my life is covered.

As @Lex DeVille pointed out to me once...

Quit being a whiny bitch.

Also, learn to help yourself.

Oh, and also

Locus of Control Test

Locus of Control Test, measuring whether you believe you have control over the outcome of events in your life.

www.idrlabs.com

 

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[Matt Sun]

Have you read this book or other Seneca's writings ? Hope this helps

 

[MJ DeMarco]

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.”​

― Nassim Nicholas Taleb

My take...

https://x.com/MJDeMarco/status/1704524929524244539?s=20

 

[MJ DeMarco]

My take...

https://x.com/MJDeMarco/status/1704524929524244539?s=20

Sorry, looks like Xenforo no longer unfurls Twitter posts, and I can expect them to update their software in 2026, complete with this grand annoucement that they did me a big favor with such technological advancements.

 

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[John D.]

Web development (which I freelance right now), social media paid ads (talking to one friend that has a manufacturing company). Not like I'm not trying, it's just it all feel slow and without real big numbers at the end.

If it's an offer problem...

Maybe pick up CRO too so you can make your offer more results-oriented?

If you generate big numbers for someone, you generally will get compensated accordingly.

I'd learn the basics of user psychology and copywriting and reach out to companies to boost their website conversion rate. This book should take you about 90% there. It teaches you the essential mindset about CRO as well as the hands-on strategies and tactics you need to get started. (The guys who wrote it are pretty legit.)

As someone else wrote above, a SaaS company that solves a specific pain point is also an option.

But based on what you wrote about the state of your mindset... maybe you're better off scoring some quick wins first with a service-based business (to get both your confidence and cashflow up).

 

[jeandearme]

why do you not have the motivation to live and what could happen that would give you the motivation to live?
i mean obviously duty to your family is keeping you in place but apparently not enough to get you anywhere.
also another question, what does the word 'motivation' mean to you

Last 15 years were very hectic and stressful (mostly because of bad relationships with toxic father that passed away a month ago and we haven't spoken for almost 2 years). I needed some break to get back so yeah, salary is comfy because I needed that - my ideas didn't panned out. I even made my own web dev agency, but also didn't work out (one software agency owner told me I started in the worst time possible, but was very helpful in sharing in and outs of this business). Eventually, I'm glad it didn't work out.

This sounds like you are in a very dark place right now. A lack of hunger is common among people with depression.

Have you thought about getting professional help?

I already got it and now I'm better than I was - even thought it doesn't look like it now. I'm just in that numb state. I go through the motions, but nothing really changes (except physically since I train regularly).

Could this be a lack of sales (skills)? What would have to happen so that the numbers would be bigger and progress would be faster? What are the entrepreneurs doing that have found massive success in this vertical?

Sales not really my skills, although I have some skill to sell myself to ladies so dunno, I'm very likeable - it's just me that doesn't like people because most are trying to (unsuccessfully) exploit me and I'm a sensitive person so I protect myself from behind the screen. And gym with muay thai in case someone troubles me in real.

This demonstrates a lack of perspective.

I have none. The furthest I look is a week.

TIME can be either INVESTED or WASTED.

It's like money. INVEST it. Or SPEND it on fruitless endeavors designed to give you short-term, fleeting happiness (sitting at home gaming, drinking, lounging, whatever).

If you lose time on some business idea that doesn't work, you didn't lose time, you invested time in the experience which can be leveraged for the next experience. Think of it like practicing for sport.

You, in effect, are like a baseball player who says he doesn't want to waste time practicing, hitting, fielding, because he wants to save himself for the big game.

The problem is, he never gets to the big game because he fails to acquire the skills he never honed in the investment of practice time.

Time always drips away, and it doesn't care how you spend it.

You can invest it. Practice. Small wins. Small failures. It all doesn't matter, it's the process.
Or you can continue wasting it living with mum.

Right now, you're lobbying to waste your time for fear of making an investment that might not get you to the big leagues later.

You either quit and give yourself 0%, impossible odds.
Or you work and give yourself 50%, decent odds.

Those who refuse to see the benefits of practice, never get to the big stage.

Need to ponder more upon it. Maybe I fear more failures or maybe I just don't want to grind for yet another failure. It's strange because back in the day I used to grind for 12-16 hours on my own app or when I played guitar (literally perfecting two notes for an hour). Maybe just life tired me after all?

Have you read this book or other Seneca's writings ? Hope this helps


View attachment 51423

Was philosophical most of my life. I didn't read it, but now I'm looking for actionable stuff. Most of successful people didn't really read that much since they were busy building business, right? Thanks for the recommendation though, I have it on my list already for whenever I will be able to read again.

My take...

https://x.com/MJDeMarco/status/1704524929524244539?s=20

I live frugally so according to me paycheck is bad if one already knows what he will buy with it instead of investing it. Not everyone can afford to go all in, many has to slowly build up the buffer so they can take the leap safely. As a rule though, I agree.

If it's an offer problem...

Maybe pick up CRO too so you can make your offer more results-oriented?

If you generate big numbers for someone, you generally will get compensated accordingly.

I'd learn the basics of user psychology and copywriting and reach out to companies to boost their website conversion rate. This book should take you about 90% there. It teaches you the essential mindset about CRO as well as the hands-on strategies and tactics you need to get started. (The guys who wrote it are pretty legit.)

As someone else wrote above, a SaaS company that solves a specific pain point is also an option.

But based on what you wrote about the state of your mindset... maybe you're better off scoring some quick wins first with a service-based business (to get both your confidence and cashflow up).

For CRO one has to really know what they are doing and understand the market he operates in. Would I know that I would be crying here about not knowing how to spend my $10m because I can't afford a yacht.

And one more thing: shaming someone for living with parents is not a good thing. I lived for 16 years in another city, for better or worse. I moved to her apartment literally two months ago because she bought another one and she lives there so it made a lot of sense to move instead of paying someone and have this one empty. Even if that wouldn't be the case, though - sometimes life gets hard and one has to swallow their pride just to survive. Not to mention Elon after selling PayPal was sleeping on the friends couch. I don't drink alochol nor I go out, the only luxury I have is this flat and my gf that I live with. Everything else is frugal except food that we cook because health is important (so I spend less than $500 a month).