Being in a relationship with a slowlaner...

[CarrieW]

heres more fb wisdom

a healthy relationship is one were two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Kak]

edit... Never mind haha

I don't know what the big deal is... Good luck funding someone exactly like you.

 

[Guest3722A]

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... My last relationship was a disaster! My ex had the master's degree and all that and a pile of resumes and failed interviews to go along with it. She was a wreck! So, I suggested she read MJ's book and she made it through about 3/4s of the way and allll I heard out of her mouth was, "Who does that guy think he is..." "all cocky and arrogant..." "what the hell gives him the right to say that what I'm doing is______..."

Man, I got some great belly laughs outta those conversations!

 

[Vagabond 007]

I see no issues with this at all. I have a slow lane wifey and she is awesome. She enjoys the fact that she has something to do all day that is low stress and pays her a consistent amount of money, it is also 5 minutes from home. I have had her dabble in some low impact internet stuff and she is fine with that. She is also very supportive. She knows that I make a lot more money than her, she knows that I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want when I want to. She also knows the ins and outs of my projects and since she is a super organized details wiz she helps me a lot. When the time is right Ill slip her an allowance of twice what she gets paid and get her to quit.

I don't know what the big deal is... Good luck funding someone exactly like you.

Kak has a good point..."good luck finding someone exactly like you."

Obviously it can work if your significant other doesn't have the same mindset as you when it comes to money/work. However, I think the problem arises when they bring you down with their limiting beliefs and/or don't support you. That goes both ways though. You need to support them even if they have a 9-5. Either support them or don't be with them. They obviously don't need someone constantly reminding them they aren't good enough (even if it's not said but implied) because they have a "normal" job.

It's the lack of the support that seems to be the issue.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[CarrieW]

heres another fb find LOL (I know I spend a lot of time there LOL)

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/spouses-tend-have-similar-dna

 

[CarrieW]

question for others who are in relationships with slowlaners

this may be overly personal, but has entered my mind none the less

would any of you consider asking your spouse for a post nuptial agreement?

before I post my thoughts on the subject I want to hear from others

 

[ddzc]

If your business was indeed fast, she wouldn't be a slowlaner lol jk...but in all seriousness, I wouldn't dump someone just bc they work a 9-5. Kak's example is a prime example of how it can perfectly work out, if she's fully supportive of your ventures, what's the problem?

I WAS in a similar situation. I was living with someone, barely able to pay the mortgage and bills...which forced me to start an online business. I worked slowlane 9-5, got home, gym, cooked, ate and worked on my side biz from 9pm-1am MON-FRI, weekends off. I had a lot of issues bc I got no support at all, was given shit for working so much while she sat on her a$$ watching soap operas all night. This, I can't deal with and she's gone now.

Every situation is different, you need to analyze yours carefully. It's all about support and understanding...if you got that, there's no problem here in my eyes.

Cheers,
Dan

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[scott.legendre]

had a chat with the fiance about this the other day. she responded with full support and said "you have 10 years to make it happen".

ready set go

 

[IAmTheJeff]

had a chat with the fiance about this the other day. she responded with full support and said "you have 10 years to make it happen".

ready set go

10 years?!?! Holy shit! I wish I was allowed even 10 minutes!!!!

 

[ddzc]

had a chat with the fiance about this the other day. she responded with full support and said "you have 10 years to make it happen".

ready set go

I think you should set a much shorter timeline of your own

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[MJ DeMarco]

My ex had the master's degree and all that and a pile of resumes and failed interviews to go along with it. She was a wreck! So, I suggested she read MJ's book and she made it through about 3/4s of the way and allll I heard out of her mouth was, "Who does that guy think he is..." "all cocky and arrogant..." "what the hell gives him the right to say that what I'm doing is______..."

LOL. Who am I? I retired 30 years early and never need to work another day in my life. That's who I am. Who's your X? Oh yea, unemployed with a stack of resumes. But thank God she has those prestigious initials behind her name. I'm sure they look great on a business card.

Good luck funding someone exactly like you.

Straw-man argument. No one here is saying that. I think people are just saying to find someone supportive and aligned with your dreams/goals. Would it shock anyone here if I sad my GF is not a Fastlaner? OMG! She's an operating room nurse and gets a paycheck. Yet, she is supportive of anything I do, and I am supportive of her dreams.

 

[IAmTheJeff]

Would it shock anyone here if I sad my GF is not a Fastlaner? OMG! She's an operating room nurse and gets a paycheck. Yet, she is supportive of anything I do, and I am supportive of her dreams.

What?!?! BULLOCKS!

The relationship you have is the ideal situation.

I think a slowlaner sig other is fine, to be honest, as long as they ARE supportive. Now, a sidewalkean bf/gf is the best way to sign an early DNR on your life, dreams, and business.

 

[SteveO]

Would it shock anyone here if I sad my GF is not a Fastlaner? OMG! She's an operating room nurse and gets a paycheck. Yet, she is supportive of anything I do, and I am supportive of her dreams.

Is there any doubt that she would be supportive since you have already made it?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[IAmTheJeff]

Is there any doubt that she would be supportive since you have already made it?

I thought this, but didn't want to be the a**hole to ask lol

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Is there any doubt that she would be supportive since you have already made it?

There was a period of time when she didn't know that. I also have/had a policy not to show up for dates in a Lamborghini.

 

[SteveO]

There was a period of time when she didn't know that.

Great strategy.

I can't say that Shannon is always supportive of my activities. She is much more conservative than I am. She was also a witness to the great collapse. But to her credit, she let me continue in the business without any complaints. Everything is back to full speed without any "I told you so" comments.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Get Right]

More often than not, my wife's reactions are in direct correlation with how confident I am with my own decision(s).

 

[CarrieW]

I am so spoiled

the most he ever says is whatever you think is best

since no one else has touched on my question yet I will post my thoughts.

post nups

totally going to have one when he is able to retire and we are "there" we are getting one. its already been discussed.

 

[scott.legendre]

I think you should set a much shorter timeline of your own

agreed, I set my target value and timeline about 2 hours ago actually. My goal is 5 years, and I expect my value to be much bigger than she has in mind.


as for post nub, not for me. We've already discussed that this will be one and done, unless something unfortunate happens (aka death), in which case a post nub is really not necessary. In fact our honeymoon we are going to go to rome and get us and our marriage blessed by Pope Francis hahaha.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Guest3722A]

LOL. Who am I? I retired 30 years early and never need to work another day in my life. That's who I am. Who's your X? Oh yea, unemployed with a stack of resumes. But thank God she has those prestigious initials behind her name. I'm sure they look great on a business card.

What I didn't add was after her little hissy fit she then threw the book across the room! But here's the clincher, I talked her into writing a book after that centered around the joke of an education system we have here and all that AND SHE LITERALLY BLASTED ONE OUT IN LIKE TWO WEEKS!! It was great!!! Serious man, she did like ten thousand words in two weeks!!!! but then we broke up and it's probably just sitting there on her pile of resumes because I don't think she knows what to do with it. heh

 

[The Duc]

Well, I've been married almost 8 years now so hopefully I've gained a little bit of wisdom in that time.

One thing I've learned is that a wife can't satisfy all of the relationship needs a man has. A man need other men in his life to push and encourage him in his "conquest" of life. So you may be looking for something from your GF that you need to find elsewhere. Women are risk averse by their nature. Something about keeping the offspring alive.

What would you expect here to say if you told here you were going to be the first to cross the ocean, go to the north pole or climb Everest?

All that being said, there's a big difference between just not providing the encouragement you need and actively belittling and tearing down your ambitions. There is no room for the latter.

My wife has told me many times "you know I'll follow you anywhere." If she couldn't say that she wouldn't have become my wife.

 

[CarrieW]

What would you expect here to say if you told here you were going to be the first to cross the ocean, go to the north pole or climb Everest?

All that being said, there's a big difference between just not providing the encouragement you need and actively belittling and tearing down your ambitions. There is no room for the latter.

My wife has told me many times "you know I'll follow you anywhere." If she couldn't say that she wouldn't have become my wife.

I am the wife

15 yrs ago when we first got married and I had little babies if he would have told me that I would have hit the roof (unless we were able to provide for every need I couldn't personally fulfill for the kids while he was away)

now as long as the bills are paid and I don't physically "need" his presence I would support him in just about anything as long as he was being responsible, serious and prepared.

The I will follow you anywhere thing goes both ways I have followed where we needed to go when he/we needed to go that's how the hell I wound up in ga lol. if there is a better opportunity elsewhere for me and I had to go somewhere else or if we all could go he would move anywhere I asked.

I am not risk averse by nature per say, I am a risk averse mother. the older the kids get the less I have to weigh their presence in my decision making. there is a big difference though between avoiding risk and managing it one is paralyzing and the other is empowering!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[The Duc]

Carrie, I'm brand new here so I don't really know you, but I have a feeling you aren't really part of the big fat part in the middle of the female bell curve

I am not risk averse by nature per say, I am a risk averse mother.

That's pretty much my point. Women (both mothers and potential future mothers) generally have a lower risk tolerance. It's like the difference between a 50 year old investor and a 25 year old investor.

 

[SteveO]

50 year old investor and a 25 year old investor

As a 56 year old investor, I would like to understand this comment.

 

[The Duc]

As a 56 year old investor, I would like to understand this comment.

I meant that generally the younger you are the more and larger risks you can take because you have time to stage your glorious come back. At 25 you can risk every penny you have. If you fall on your face you move back in with your parents and start over again. That's not such an attractive safety net at 50 with a wife and 2.5 kids.

I have feeling, though, from your "winky" face that you knew what I was getting at.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[IAmTheJeff]

As a 56 year old investor, I would like to understand this comment.

56? For serious?

 

[Nadia]

LOL. Who am I? I retired 30 years early and never need to work another day in my life. That's who I am. Who's your X? Oh yea, unemployed with a stack of resumes. But thank God she has those prestigious initials behind her name. I'm sure they look great on a business card.



Straw-man argument. No one here is saying that. I think people are just saying to find someone supportive and aligned with your dreams/goals. Would it shock anyone here if I sad my GF is not a Fastlaner? OMG! She's an operating room nurse and gets a paycheck. Yet, she is supportive of anything I do, and I am supportive of her dreams.

"
LOL. Who am I? I retired 30 years early and never need to work another day in my life. That's who I am. Who's your X? Oh yea, unemployed with a stack of resumes. But thank God she has those prestigious initials behind her name. I'm sure they look great on a business card.
"

I'm crying with laughter. Best response ever.

 

[SteveO]

I meant that generally the younger you are the more and larger risks you can take because you have time to stage your glorious come back. At 25 you can risk every penny you have.

The older and "wiser" that I get allows me to take more calculated risks with larger returns. I understand the risks better and can take more risks as a result.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[SteveO]

56? For serious?

Yes, but I'm a young 56....

 

[Determined2012]

Wow this thread has my head SPINNING!

I saw a lot about FL men who date/ are married to SL women. Are there any FL women who date/ are married to SL men?

As a woman I fully believe that the majority, if not ALL women, regardless of if they will admit to it or not, have a preference for a man who can provide for her, and be that source of financial safety and security in the relationship. To me being financially stable has a direct correlation to how well you can lead a family/relationship and the options you have to provide that family with the vision they have and want for the family life. (This is one thought- because surely you can do those things with a SL job, but I'm obviously referring to this in regard to what a FL can do- and all the other reasons why FLers prefer the FL over the SL)

If you are a FL woman married to or dating a SL man, or if you have opinions on that type of dynamic in regard to this topic in general, can you please share it here, I would love to read it. Is the consensus the exact same as the FL men have for the SL women? I'm very curious to see what the women here think about it.

I assume there are no SL men on this forum, so to the FL men here, what do you think about the dynamic?

Personally, I am a young woman who is ferociously ambitious. I have the mindset, I have the courage, and determination, I have the discipline in me to sacrifice whatever I need to, and I am willing to take big educated, well researched risks to accomplish my (huge FL) ambitions. I love being self sustaining, and independent. I love the security of knowing I don't have to say, do or be someone I don't want to be because it is contingent upon financial help I need from someone. However, with all of this being true, inside of me I am attracted to men who are in high positions of power and authority. I am attracted to a super confident alpha male, who is a leader, and decision maker, and someone who is physically strong, who just looks and sounds like he can and will provide, protect you and keep you safe.

I know that I can not make it with a SL partner. Because for me, the mindsets and outlook on life are too far apart, regardless of if he supports me or not! I would not be ok with myself taking the effort needed to develop (self development/personal development/positive and effective habits) myself to what is necessary to succeed on this level while my slow lane husband was just content to do the slow lane thing, even though that's his right and choice and he isn't bothering anybody.

Reading all of the perspectives from the men, which I loved what Vegabond had to say, I am left wondering if the women are ok and satisfied with being with a Slowlane man, if they are with one.

Carrie, you have spoken up, so I would like to hear more of your thoughts on this. When I read your posts in regard to your hubby, the way you wrote it I was thinking well, of course he isn't going to not support your efforts, he is watching TV waiting for you to make it so he can benefit and he didn't have to go through anything hard or uncomfortable to get access to those benefits. So if you make it or not, he spent his time doing whatever it was he wanted to do, and remains unaffected either way, and meanwhile you have to address and deal with the results of your efforts. Maybe that's not how you meant it, but that's how it came off to me. For me personally, I would not be ok with something like this- if it's FL/ SL or SL/ SL. To me its like having a business partner who filed the LLC paperwork but did no research, no marketing, no phone calls, etc. but is always trying to make sure their cut came in on time.

@AroundTheWorld
@yveskleinsky
@Nadia
@Nicole
@CarrieW

What do you ladies think? I have no problem with sharing or providing in a relationship, both sides must contribute the best they can- hopefully at least 50-50. I think of relationships as being team mates who both put in what is necessary so they both can get out of it what they want and need. Maybe I need to mature more, because I feel like emotional support is not enough, my partner needs to be working just as hard and being just as ambitious about creating the best quality of life for us. I feel the partner needs to actually be on the same page with you and help you try to make it happen beyond saying I support you, keep working on it and I'm sure one day it will happen for you. Do I feel this way because I'm a woman, or is it because that is the most logical reason? In my head I know I feel this way because to me, it is the most logical thing. You aren't going to watch sports all day and hang out all day while I am sacrificing and reading and researching and being the most uncomfortable I've ever been, and then when it works out you want to come along for the ride and enjoy everything, I will feel some type of way! Will I have to give my man a monthly allowance so he can be in position to quit his job and live the freedom based lifestyle that I want and envision for myself?! HELL NO! I just can't see it. Wouldn't my man feel emasculated if I did that?

Do you guys think that highly successful women (like Oprah) or surgeons, attorneys, etc.who are not married has more to do with them not being able to find anyone, or because success has them limited and or stigmatized in some way?

I know I have these thoughts jumping all around, but please just respond to what you can. Because it seems like some people say a man should stay with a SL partner, but I wonder if anyone thinks that it makes no difference and a woman should stay with a SL man as well. If I was a man, I don't think I would want to be with a SL woman either, if I was doing the whole FL, so I'm not just saying this because I'm a woman.