Being in a relationship with a slowlaner...

[CarrieW]

I am not necessarily arguing your approach is wrong. But trying to take it to the process level.

The need is security, not a post-nup. The solution could be lots of different things.

Our solution has been developing so that either partner could thrive without the other, whether the split is involuntary, the metaphorical bus, or voluntary, a new hookers and blow habit.

the need isn't security

I can take care of me just fine the only security I need is that he needs to take care of his kids. (unless I have already made it in which case I wouldn't even need him to do that) I already know that I will always take care of them. even if I got half(of my own money LOL) I would be secure. once his money is gone its gone divorced together or not... I am not concerned about that beyond the obligations in the post nup.

he is already secure. he doesn't need me for anything. he can take care of himself and if I were gone he could pay to have someone else take care of the kids... and they are almost at the point that neither one of us will have to take care of them.

the post nup is purely a strategic and protective move.

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

I am not necessarily arguing your approach is wrong. But trying to take it to the process level.

The need is security, not a post-nup. The solution could be lots of different things.

Hmm. I think the need is independence.

 

[Bouncing Soul]

Hmm. I think the need is independence.

Ever met a momma bear and her cubs?

Do lawyers and contracts truly make a person secure, independent or whatever you want to call it? For that matter, does money itself?

 

[CarrieW]

Nope I think so I am and therefore I am independent money lawyers husbands and contracts not required.

Sent from my SCH-I200 using Tapatalk

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

Ever met a momma bear and her cubs?

Oh, I guess not... I wouldn't know anything about feelings associated with being a mom (she says sarcastically as she reflects on her four children)...

Do lawyers and contracts truly make a person secure, independent or whatever you want to call it? For that matter, does money itself?

In my mind, it is very difficult to have "security" without independence. Why depend on a company, or a boss, or the government for your financial 'security'? And yet, most people do that very thing. The same goes in relationships. When you look to the "other" for your security, you will eventually find that plan backfiring on you. When you learn to depend upon yourself, make your own plans, take your own action (be independent) ... that is when you truly will have security.

The same applies for men and for women; for single people and for people in relationships or marriage.

 

[The Duc]

If you make sweeping generalizations like this on this forum, you might find you have to open mouth and insert foot...

With all due respect, being brand new here, but none of the other women in the thread took issue with my comment.

The thing about generalizations is that they're just that . . . generalizations. Generally they are true, but there are always exceptions at both ends. I said generally, not always, for a reason.

Like has been said earlier in this thread, the women on this forum are not exactly a representative cross section of the broader population.

By the way, what part of MT are you in?

 

[Red]

but none of the other women in the thread took issue with my comment.

Why be redundant? @AroundTheWorld gets it & typed it first. Just because we all don't jump on the Beat Down Bandwagon doesn't mean we don't take issue with things that are said. Seeing the same thing over & over again gets tiring when it's already been said.

 

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[CarrieW]

I didn't take issue with it. Nor do I feel that any wrong was said or done. It was a friendly warning is all lol

Sent from my SCH-I200 using Tapatalk

 

[Franky Neizer]

Been in a similar situation but just had to be courageous enough to let go of the relationship; it wasn't easy though (she was a wonderful young lady). We just had different views and mindset about success and the future and it was affecting me psychologically, she was the one I wanted to be with (not 'meant' to be with).
You wont find someone who thinks as you but you should find someone who compliments you, if she has no entrepreneurial traits at least she should have some level of faith in you and your plans for the future.

My mom once said "Behind a successful man is a good woman, but a bad one can bring down a whole empire in just a twinkle; so choose wisely"... ..... *^%&*** Oh' I'm just saying!!!!

 

[Martinv678]

Thank you everyone for the comment's on this thread. It's great to see such a reaction and mixed bag of opinions.

I took sometime away and gave it some thought and ended up having a conversation with her and as MJ said it in the end is about anxiousness and what ifs.. "If you become successful you won't need me anymore" ... I then explained that before her I had aspirations like she did and that all I need is her support and she will always have mine what ever the outcome. I have shortened the conversation for you guys sake but she came around and is a lot and has been alot more supportive and great about stuff ever since.

I then came to realise alot which has been discussed here on a recent thread and that is I shouldn't try to get her to do anything different to what she believes is right for her life. I think when someone sees you acting differently to their belief system they can't relate because subconsciously they do not understand as they would never make certain choices, through either blind fear or what ifs. I've seen it in family as well and i've just come to terms that 99% of people will not truly understand unless they are willing to invest more time in themselves.

After this experience I have learnt that sitting down and explaining so that they can see from your point of view rather than the point of view that they would have approached with any given situation, it can work a charm.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Thread marked GOLD.

 

[pisco]

THX for this phenomeal thread!

Basically after reading it all! I think with my young age, it`s much easier to start a business than with kids etc.

Therefore, start out today than tomorrow!

 

[Mattie]

My bf and I don't have the same mindset. I leave him be. This is one of the wonderful things we have to learn is to accept our differences. Is there really anything wrong with her mindset in the moment? There is no right or wrong or answer for the individual. What happens is you lead by your example. The more she sees you reading books, working on projects, educating yourself, and seeing the results she'll keep wondering what you're doing differently. It takes time. I'm a fast paced learner. The rabbit that wants to jump fast and get the finish line. My bf takes things slower, and learns in smaller chunks. He's the turtle.

Basically we keep each other in balance. There is times when i want to go to fast. Where he reminds me every week put stuff down. lol It never works, but he's seen the results in the last few years, and now starts talking about turning the television off and reading a book. He listens to me go off about what I learn, and than I get him thinking. So leave her be, and don't worry about it. Just stay focused, talk about stuff, and run it by her even if she don't answer. Even my son started picking up some of my habits the last few years. He's also slower paced.

I don't lecture either one of them. I just be quiet, say hey this was a great video, book, etc. etc. You should try it. They might not right away, but the more they see you doing things, it gets them moving. It seems to be more effective than ranting and arguing.

 

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[Luffy]

Your purpose is more important than your woman, atleast that's what David Deida says.

 

[Journey2Million$]

Men absolutely should not get married these days. When you get a divorce, the Family Court will be totally biased in favor of the woman and destroy your life. You'll lose everything. Most divorces are initiated by women. Over 50% of adults are not married now. Feminists have ruined marriage.

 

[Red]

Men absolutely should not get married these days. When you get a divorce, the Family Court will be totally biased in favor of the woman and destroy your life. You'll lose everything. Most divorces are initiated by women. Over 50% of adults are not married now. Feminists have ruined marriage.

*facepalm.

*officially unsubscribing from thread

 

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[Unfettered]

*facepalm.

*officially unsubscribing from thread

70% of the divorces are initiated by women.

Family Courts are a joke.

Modern feminism is a plague.

 

[Mattie]

I am guilty for filing for divorce.
Family court is a joke, but I wasn't married to that guy.
And if a feminism is because hey! Some people make really bad financial choices!
Well some bad choices he made is the reason why I'm partially here.
I'm not going to blame him for everything in my marriage why that didn't work.
And of course you're making generalizations here and trying to fit every women in this box. If you're life's completely destroyed what is the purpose of staying married? lol

Now I believe in equal rights, but ha ha! I am no match to the brutality of Aussie women I've seen and U.K. and even some in Europe.

 

[Bila]

@MJ DeMarco you are sending a strong message by putting this thread as gold. Hope everyone will pay attention.

 

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[RHL]

From the beginning of time and throughout all cultures all men feel most comfortable when their woman is somewhat younger, somewhat shorter, somewhat less educated and somewhat less wealthy (mostly in income terms) than themselves.

And women feel the same thing.

It's biological.

I was a published biologist in a former life. I published peer-reviewed papers. I worked at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural history. You're wrong. This conclusion comes from the realm of "evolutionary psychology." It is a pseudoscience, like acupuncture or chiropractors or dousing rods. That means that, although lots of people believe in it, none of its claims can be substantiated by research despite attempts to do so, AKA it's a placebo and its direct "benefits" (here meaning the explanatory power it seems to have) are 100% psychosomatic, i.e., fake.

Men absolutely should not get married these days.

Wharton published an interview with several "self-made" billionaire alumni when I was in college. All of them listed their wives at or near the top of the things that drove them to succeed. I wonder who knows what success takes more clearly, some 22 year old dudebros on TheRedPill living in a studio apartment, or people whose net worth is equal to what it would take the average american slowlaner TWENTY THOUSAND YEARS to earn if they paid no taxes? Marriage was the smartest decision I ever made. Vetting a potential spouse takes time, but it's not that hard.

 

[Ninjakid]

biological.

 

[Kak]

I was a published biologist in a former life. I published peer-reviewed papers. I worked at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural history. You're wrong. This conclusion comes from the realm of "evolutionary psychology." It is a pseudoscience, like acupuncture or chiropractors or dousing rods. That means that, although lots of people believe in it, none of its claims can be substantiated by research despite attempts to do so, AKA it's a placebo and its direct "benefits" (here meaning the explanatory power it seems to have) are 100% psychosomatic, i.e., fake.



Wharton published an interview with several "self-made" billionaire alumni when I was in college. All of them listed their wives at or near the top of the things that drove them to succeed. I wonder who knows what success takes more clearly, some 22 year old dudebros on TheRedPill living in a studio apartment, or people whose net worth is equal to what it would take the average american slowlaner TWENTY THOUSAND YEARS to earn if they paid no taxes? Marriage was the smartest decision I ever made. Vetting a potential spouse takes time, but it's not that hard.

Frankly, I'd like to hear more from you on this...

Vetting the potential wife. Prenup or not. It sounds like you have some strong feelings on the topic.

Great post, I sent you $100

 

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[Kak]

I would not be anywhere near where I am if my wife wasn't at my side. My wife is my strength, my encourager, and the reason I was able to get back up off the mat and swing for the home run again.

This is no small subject. You can't be unequally yoked or you just pull the wagon in circles.

This is something I am going to try to live by from this point forward.

Equally yoked in ambition, goals, outlook on life, opinions, faith. Everyone deserves someone on the same wavelength as themselves, that doesn't mean they have to be exactly alike.

After meeting both Vig and his wife, I have to say they are awesome together. In fact it stood out to me as an example of 1+1 equalling 3..

 

[LibertyForMe]

Equally yoked in ambition, goals, outlook on life, opinions, faith. Everyone deserves someone on the same wavelength as themselves, that doesn't mean they have to be exactly alike.

Exactly. My wife is like that. She isn't an entrepreneur and doesn't want to be one, but she is amazing at what she does and she works super hard at it. We are on the same wavelength, even though to the outsider we look a lot different. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, and this means she also knows my excuses.

She loves me enough to call out my crap when I am either too blind to see it or too stubborn to acknowledge it. It really is priceless. She give me an assurance that even if I don't make loads of money, I will be extremely happy and successful in life because I have an awesome family. That is a good feeling.

 

[Mattie]

drove them to succeed

This is the thing: When I was married, I didn't have the right mindset. Was a totally different person today. I was very negative. And not supportive.
After the divorce was when I started changing. And totally different today. So I am very supportive now with this person. I had to unlearn everything I learned growing up. Love isn't a war! Best movie you can ever watch on marriage is fireproof your marriage. I watched that in Family Strategies class after I got divorced and ha ha the fight scenes were very familiar and not forgiving, etc. And you master the Love Dare you've got it made.

That movie changed my whole outlook on relationships and going through the process of learning to love unconditionally. Not with that man, but the man I'm with now. Love is no different than being successful at your business. It's something you have unlearn and learn as well. I just had conquered the love part first, before the business part.

 

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[Kak]

Exactly. My wife is like that. She isn't an entrepreneur and doesn't want to be one, but she is amazing at what she does and she works super hard at it. We are on the same wavelength, even though to the outsider we look a lot different. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, and this means she also knows my excuses.

She loves me enough to call out my crap when I am either too blind to see it or too stubborn to acknowledge it. It really is priceless. She give me an assurance that even if I don't make loads of money, I will be extremely happy and successful in life because I have an awesome family. That is a good feeling.

Myself in comparison:

I am a very ambitious, informed, conservative, christian, like to travel, I hate partying, enjoy fine dining, want kids...

I spent 6 years with a liberal, atheist, uninformed, party girl, that had no ambition or passport, ate lunchable pizzas for dinner and hated kids...

I could make this list so much longer.

It was like the Hank Rearden situation... You learn from your mistakes.

 

[LibertyForMe]

It was like the Hank Rearden situation... You learn from your mistakes.

Hopefully you didn't make her a beautiful bracelet out of a special metal that you invent, and hopefully she didn't think it was terrible...


I think the trick is to find enough overlap in interests.

We are both very ambitious, both Christian, I am libertarian/conservation and she doesn't care (so we don't argue at all ), we both like to read but we read different things, we aren't party people but we don't mind getting a drink somewhere nice, we both like kids, etc.

As far as being different, she is not creative and I am very creative, she comes from a totally different family background, etc.

In my opinion, the right couple has lots of similarities and interests that are almost the same, but different enough to allow for good conversation and different perspectives on the same problem.

 

[Luffy]

I don't understand the point of this thread really, not like I took the time to read it all, only the OP but everyone seem to have strong opinions on marriage. Personally I don't care, it can be nice but at the same time it could be disastrous, have no idea what to think about it.

 

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[Mattie]

Ha Ha Luffy! You haven't had a chance to get your feet wet! But I'm sure, you will at some point. My son doesn't care either at 19. Better you don't at least until your thirty. I say that to my son, because women can be trouble before that in some cases because they change their mind all the time. If it was me, I wouldn't have married me until I was 41. Ha Ha! That's how long it took me to straighten up! I didn't have a terrible marriage, just wasn't developed enough to see things from this point of view. Everyone's different. I know people that married in high school and who knows how they stay married forever. I'm not sure! lol

 

[Lagron]

I read the first page of the thread...with that noted...

Numerous people go with the "dump" her aspect.

There is a saying- Behind every great man, is a great women.

Believe it if you will, or don't.

But...Henry Ford, had a wife that thought his ideas would bring her family to bankruptcy...BUT the wife did something- she always chose to support her husband in any way possible,even if she didn't fully approve of his methods (she was against the- working 5 days a week, and having 2 days off type of thing, YES HENRY FORD came up with this business week mindset). She was up every morning and they would discuss his ideas and how he would change things around for the company and she was there critiquing it, giving him greater/bigger ideas.

That is just 1 person- who made it big. Ford Mortar Company still exists...today... AND I QUOTE, Henry Ford said "If it were not for my wives nagging, and loveable nature, I would have never seen the reason beyond the dollar signs to create what I have created." (Im messing up the quote but it went along those lines.)

With that note: Do you really want to dump someone just because they think differently? Its known that if a husband and wife work together daily there is a 60% increase in divorce rates/chances or something like that....

Psychologically, we shouldn't be around our woman every waking moment of the day. It leads to being too comfortable with them and as such never improving.

- You are the man. You have always been. And it is up to you, to take charge, to lead a relationship. And it is the ladies choice to support, or DERAIL the train.

Leave it at that- if the support exists, as it did for Henry Ford, even with the wife's mindset (as is the mindset of your girlfriend)... THAN I personally do not see this as a bad relationship.

I see it as- a woman who has a new perspective that you must be able to overcome and persuade, for if you can persuade through your action, a woman whom loves you and cares for you, and does what she knows best for you and her, together- than that, there is a woman you and I know we WANT to have around. For it is their perspective that challenges us, it is our desire in them, that awakens us to further our beings past just lucrative seeds and off into the seas of amazing possibilities.

In a nutshell- If she loves you, she'll stay and support you. Even after stating she hates it. BC it is currently all she knows and if she tries this hard to protect you with what she knows, you are dam sure she'll protect you, and follow you when you can lead and teach* her.