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GOLD! Being in a relationship with a slowlaner...

Discussion in 'People & Relationships' started by Martinv678, May 16, 2014.

  1. Martinv678
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    Martinv678 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    So to add an end to the story... I had to end it. She started to moan all the time about money and how she couldn't earn it. I offered to help her out on many occasions each time she would refuse. I would work on projects in the evening on my laptop and she would tell me stop so we could watch TV together. I'm not a TV person, kinda feel its a waste of time unless its factual and interesting to me. She would get super controlling and on the weekends if I wanted to work for jut a couple of hours she would get super wound up. Maybe I was being unreasonable but at the time did create something kinda fastlane.

    The final straw was this... I said to her look... Let's create something together which then could help towards your "money situation" (she wasn't broke, she just wanted more things). I said i'll get the product from china and you just help with pictures and getting it on to Amazon / website. We had a deal where I take 60% for putting all the cash in (which was too low for what she was actually doing) and she took 40%. She just had to create some content. She used to cry as her laptop was sh*t so I actually said if we're going to do this I'll buy a new one and DID, LIKE A MASSIVE IDIOT!

    We then broke up and she has been demanding so much... I've taken on the product single handedly I do so much promotion and have driven the traffic to get great sales. She does nothing and demands money, she'll do something once in a while that is a little helpful and will then turn around and be like I now want 50% and demands me to change the contract. Everything above is my fault as it was my choice to get involved in business with her.

    What I look for now is someone who would be understanding. I know there are compromises so will have to be better at that in the future.

    I hope people have found this thread to be useful!
     
  2. JokerCrazyBeatz
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    JokerCrazyBeatz Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Thats EXACTLY the kinda relatiomship i just got out of , she was a slowlaner that wasnt willing to become fastlane , she understood the concept and the benefits , she talked about wanting it , but she wasnt willing to make the mental shift
     
  3. StevieB
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    StevieB Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Sorry to hear you had to end it but it sounds like that was the best choice. I've been through three long term relationships and once you start having those thoughts of "should I end it" they don't go away and it doesn't get better, you're basically just dragging it on and being unhappy at that point.

    I recently got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship. She was one of the laziest people I knew. Just watched TV and played video games all the time and would leave the house a mess. There where good qualities about her but her mindset was seriously dragging me down.

    People say you shouldn't try to change someone but relationships are best when you each push each other to be a better person. Given this has to be something the other person WANTS to do, otherwise yes trying to change them isn't going to be a good thing.

    Thankfully I now know a lot better than I did of what to look for in a person. It's also about where you are in life and what you want your future to look like.

    It's been about 4 months and I've found someone else who is independent, has her own life and goals, and gives me my space who also has a side business. I've found that I'm extremely distracted when I'm not dating someone, instead of avoiding it all together I've found someone who allows me the time to pursue my goals, isn't controlling at all, and pushes me to be a better person. It took a ton of effort but it's well worth it.

    A good relationship is certainly a worthy goal but have your own life and be willing to let it go sooner than later if it becomes toxic for you. If they are really the right person for you then it won't seem like such a burden to stay with them.
     
    DoubleDee, ZF Lee, Martinv678 and 2 others like this.
  4. Mattie
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    Mattie Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Personally, I think you have to have two exceptional people to make it through entrepreneurship. I think you have to look at it from their perspective too. You're spending hours and hours building a business.

    Women and men both love attention. If you're not paying attention to them, someone else is. And of course like any other habit or addiction, even though entrepreneurship is for the money, life, and positive things, it still steels valuable time away from the relationship, and really we're asking them to make sacrifices the same as us on the journey.

    The mindset is what gets us in trouble, because we're pumping our brains all the time with knowledge, and other people aren't. So then it becomes difficult when habits and lifestyles are shifting, but the world around us remains the same.

    It's hard to balance life and relationships, but I guess it depends on priorities, and making the time to maintain both business and the relationship. One or the other suffers at times. It's what you highly value the most. Having a relationship and money, money, or love. There are three different choices here, and I suppose we all make the choices as we go along.

    I believe we also have to remember, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. And we all know their are a million steps in the process of entrepreneurship. I believe you really can't complain about other people who prefer to live in slow lane if that's what is best for them. And I don't believe everyone has it in them to be a successful entrepreneur. I believe you have to evaluate whether you're expectations of the person are realistic or not. And whether the person is worth waiting to grow and develop along with you, or just completely not compatible.

    I know some people learn in big chunks, others in small chunks. Some learn fast and others slow.

    I don't think just because I'm an entrepreneur to expect everyone around me to live the same lifestyle. It's unrealistic. And yes mindset is key, we all know this. I have to say I have sacrificed a lot of people out of my life to succeed. Sometimes it sucks, but I don't know that being a loner all the time is very healthy.

    It might seem grand to be focused on projects all the time, but what's the big deal if you spend some quality time with your partner or family. If it's not something you like to do, be creative and invite them to do something else that interests you both.

    Like I stated, before I suppose it's about how much you value companionship and your partner, or rather be alone and just be focused on your work.
     
  5. _Seba_
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    _Seba_ Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Sounds like you finally made the right decision.
     
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  6. Vitom
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    Vitom Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    I get EXACTLY how you feel.
     
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  7. arfadugus
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    arfadugus Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Lead by example
     
  8. Omega
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    Omega Absolute dominationem vitae Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    All too relevant, I really like this girl but she's pretty slow lane.

    Drugs, partying, doesn't know much financial responsibility.I'm going pretty crazy for her though for some reason.If I could swing her to a better thought process and take out some bad habits I'd see myself dating her.

    Perhaps she's having more fun doing this than what I'm currently doing , and trying to help her with some of these issues could make her not her.

    Geez.

    High School relationships, ayyyy.
     
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  9. Ravens_Shadow
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    Ravens_Shadow I'm sorry... I couldn't resist. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    You can't change anyone, and you shouldn't have to. I waited until the one that suited my needs, wants and desires came along. I wasn't impatient, and it was completely effortless. It took 0 effort on my part to come together, which is how it should be. If she doesn't share the same mindset as you, or the mindset your dream woman has, probably not worth your time. You also have to realize you're young, and the girls you're dating are young. Young people as a whole do crazy things when they're in their teenage years. So who knows what'll happen in the future with her, she could do a complete 180 and be what you like, or she couldn't. Just enjoy it!
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
  10. G2TS-Man
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    G2TS-Man Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    This thread is full of advices for me... don't know what to do.. I live with my girlfriend for 6+ years ago... In + of that we have other couple problems (moods, common ideas,etc...)... She's very beautiful and we had a rich past together since college. BUT TODAY, I have an affirmation: my girlfriend comme from a sidewalk place, and today she has a slowlane mind. She knows that FASTLANE exists, she knows that I'm ready to sacrifice everything to try it, but she's always negative about all every day, and I realize each day that she is a brake for me.... It makes me sad but I never give up and I think I will give us 3 months to try to save our couple (it's good period to test everything because I actually creating a new business so it's real conditions..:)) ' If it not works, I stop it all and begin a new life..
     
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  11. pickeringmt
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    pickeringmt Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    This is bullshit when it comes to relationships.

    One person can change. Two people can change together.

    One person in a relationship CANNOT change if the other will not. It is impossible.

    Bending your life, compartmentalizing, and any other lie you tell yourself will only delay and intensify the inevitable problems and eventually erosion of the relationship.

    Bad relationships are like a bad pair of shoes - you know right away that it doesn't fit, but you put them on anyways. You tell yourself its fine, but the longer you wait, the more damage you do to yourself. You will inevitably have to admit to yourself that you are hurting yourself and it isn't worth it, and you will look back and realize how stupid it was to ignore something you knew the whole time.
     
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  12. prashantcoupons
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    Both have their unique mind and mindset so need to hassle each other, You can do things in your own way and just show her how you can do things and how much potential do you have but always think before you do anything she is thinking for you.
     
  13. Hadrian
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    Hadrian Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Wow what a thread... I guess I got lucky because my ex suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder with Covert Narcissist traits ... Once I started my journey she wasnt getting all my attention and quickly detached from me and made it possible (though far from easy) for me to leave and start my Entrepreneurial journey! Now my story "The Scorpian and the Fox" is helping thousands of people on Quora detach from similar toxic partners.

    ... Stay Safe out there! :)
     
  14. Youngrahn
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    Youngrahn Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I admit I have never been in a relationship with fast-laners in my life. Even the man that I'm married to now is far from a fast-laner.
    There were times when I found myself arguing, losing sleep and developing a stomach ulcer while in the process of encouraging my loved ones to become fast-laners. Especially the two most important men in most women's lives, father and husband.

    What I have learned from that experience is that

    1. I should stop wanting to have like-minded people in life but start finding open-minded people.
    2. I should stop wasting my time and energy trying to convert anyone to fast-laners and utilize the time and energy for the best version of myself.

    Anyway, I could really relate to your story and I really hope that you find someone who you deserve to be with.
     
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  15. Rabelo
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    Rabelo Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Sometimes you gotta choose between your dreams and the woman of your dreams
     
  16. Elif
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    I think there are basically 2 ways to solve this:

    1. Stop looking for hints that people doubt you and prove her wrong by succeeding
    "somebody has already done that" - "I'll do it better"
    "be realistic" - "I am"

    2. If she's constantly doubting you and your choices or you feel it's really dragging you down, end the relationship
     
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  17. hydemx
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    hydemx Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    My fiancee dumped me yesterday and I'm here with insomnia and a broken heart. But essentially yes, I felt she never supported me in my endeavors and at least now I can dedicate my full time to chase my dreams.

    Sent from my Redmi Note 5 using Tapatalk
     
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  18. maverick
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    maverick Unorthodox Nonconformist Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I've established some ground rules to live by so thought I would share them.

    Never project your reality onto others. I cannot expect other people to experience and perceive the world as I see it. We all have our own thoughts, motivations and doctrines.

    Show more than you tell. Meaning: stop talking about ideas / ambitions. Show progress; share successes.

    Relationships are investments. Sometimes putting down your laptop to watch some television with your girlfriend/wife isn't such a bad thing after all. It's not about the actual content, it's about forming connections with your loved ones.

    Nobody lives forever. You don't want to wake up one day and find that you've achieved your monetary goals yet have failed to form meaningful connections with anyone.
     
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  19. maverick
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    maverick Unorthodox Nonconformist Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Never place the burden of making you happy, successful or whatever onto somebody else.
     
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  20. Primeperiwinkle
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    Primeperiwinkle Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER

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    I just liked like 50 different replies on this post. Posts like these remind me why all seven of my best friends in the world were met on a forum many years ago.. Good stuff here.

    But specifically. I’d like to thank Nadia for this, “Don't comfort a man. A man evolves and grows into a man through Pressure. Pressure makes a man STEP UP.” God how I wish I had met you twenty years ago. I would hug you today if I could.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  21. Megan Kay
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    Megan Kay Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    This is good stuff. The process of fastlane is such an internal one. I spent a long time worrying about validating it outside myself by people who thought the same way. I came to realize people who think the same way are about as rare as unicorns. Took a lot of pressure off, actually. Now, I just focus.
     
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  22. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    This is all common sense
     

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