Wow this thread has my head SPINNING!
I saw a lot about FL men who date/ are married to SL women. Are there any FL women who date/ are married to SL men?
As a woman I fully believe that the
majority, if not ALL women, regardless of if they will admit to it or not, have a preference for a man who can provide for her, and be that source of financial safety and security in the relationship. To me being financially stable has a direct correlation to how well you can lead a family/relationship and the options you have to provide that family with the vision they have and want for the family life. (This is one thought- because surely you can do those things with a SL job, but I'm obviously referring to this in regard to what a FL can do- and all the other reasons why FLers prefer the FL over the SL)
If you are a FL woman married to or dating a SL man, or if you have opinions on that type of dynamic in regard to this topic in general, can you please share it here, I would love to read it. Is the consensus the exact same as the FL men have for the SL women? I'm very curious to see what the women here think about it.
I assume there are no SL men on this forum, so to the FL men here, what do you think about the dynamic?
Personally, I am a young woman who is ferociously ambitious. I have the mindset, I have the courage, and determination, I have the discipline in me to sacrifice whatever I need to, and I am willing to take big educated, well researched risks to accomplish my (huge FL) ambitions. I love being self sustaining, and independent. I love the security of knowing I don't have to say, do or be someone I don't want to be because it is contingent upon financial help I need from someone. However, with all of this being true, inside of me I am attracted to men who are in high positions of power and authority. I am attracted to a super confident alpha male, who is a leader, and decision maker, and someone who is physically strong, who just looks and sounds like he can and will provide, protect you and keep you safe.
I know that I can not make it with a SL partner. Because for me, the mindsets and outlook on life are too far apart, regardless of if he supports me or not! I would not be ok with myself taking the
effort needed to develop (self development/personal development/positive and effective habits) myself to what is necessary to succeed on this level while my slow lane husband was just content to do the slow lane thing, even though that's his right and choice and he isn't bothering anybody.
Reading all of the perspectives from the men, which I loved what Vegabond had to say, I am left wondering if the women are ok and satisfied with being with a Slowlane man, if they are with one.
Carrie, you have spoken up, so I would like to hear more of your thoughts on this. When I read your posts in regard to your hubby, the way you wrote it I was thinking well, of course he isn't going to not support your efforts, he is watching TV waiting for you to make it so he can benefit and he didn't have to go through anything hard or uncomfortable to get access to those benefits. So if you make it or not, he spent his time doing whatever it was he wanted to do, and remains unaffected either way, and meanwhile you have to address and deal with the results of your efforts. Maybe that's not how you meant it, but that's how it came off to me. For me personally, I would not be ok with something like this- if it's FL/ SL or SL/ SL. To me its like having a business partner who filed the LLC paperwork but did no research, no marketing, no phone calls, etc. but is always trying to make sure their cut came in on time.
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AroundTheWorld
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yveskleinsky
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Nadia
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Nicole
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CarrieW
What do you ladies think? I have no problem with sharing or providing in a relationship, both sides must contribute the best they can- hopefully at least 50-50. I think of relationships as being team mates who both put in what is necessary so they both can get out of it what they want and need. Maybe I need to mature more, because I feel like emotional support is not enough, my partner needs to be working just as hard and being just as ambitious about creating the best quality of life for us. I feel the partner needs to actually be on the same page with you and help you try to make it happen beyond saying I support you, keep working on it and I'm sure one day it will happen for you. Do I feel this way because I'm a woman, or is it because that is the most logical reason? In my head I know I feel this way because to me, it is the most logical thing. You aren't going to watch sports all day and hang out all day while I am sacrificing and reading and researching and being the most uncomfortable I've ever been, and then when it works out you want to come along for the ride and enjoy everything, I will feel some type of way! Will I have to give my man a monthly allowance so he can be in position to quit his job and live the freedom based lifestyle that I want and envision for myself?! HELL NO! I just can't see it. Wouldn't my man feel emasculated if I did that?
Do you guys think that highly successful women (like Oprah) or surgeons, attorneys, etc.who are not married has more to do with them not being able to find anyone, or because success has them limited and or stigmatized in some way?
I know I have these thoughts jumping all around, but please just respond to what you can. Because it seems like some people say a man should stay with a SL partner, but I wonder if anyone thinks that it makes no difference and a woman should stay with a SL man as well. If I was a man, I don't think I would want to be with a SL woman either, if I was doing the whole FL, so I'm not just saying this because I'm a woman.