Are you a perfectionist? STOP THAT COPE RIGHT NOW!!!

[One Jeffrey]

The idea of being a perfectionist might seem like a desirable trait. However, you have no idea how much it could be holding you back.

From personal experience, wanting to be "a perfectionist" is anxiety-inducing and self-sabotaging.

Wanting to produce perfect work is the perfect recipe for creeping procrastination.
As a small youtuber, no video I'll make will ever be perfect. However, I can strive towards greatness, without fearing to make minor mistakes or let small things I could have done differently haunt my mind.

People who say that they are perfectionists are possibly coping hard. It takes courage to not be a perfectionist. It takes courage to accept the possibility of failure. In short, a good execution beats no execution.

You'll have a lot less anxiety, which may directly improve your overall performances and quality of life.

 

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[SF3]

The idea of being a perfectionist might seem like a desirable trait. However, you have no idea how much it could be holding you back.

From personal experience, wanting to be "a perfectionist" is anxiety-inducing and self-sabotaging.

Wanting to produce perfect work is the perfect recipe for creeping procrastination.
As a small youtuber, no video I'll make will ever be perfect. However, I can strive towards greatness, without fearing to make minor mistakes or let small things I could have done differently haunt my mind.

People who say that they are perfectionists are possibly coping hard. It takes courage to not be a perfectionist. It takes courage to accept the possibility of failure. In short, a good execution beats no execution.

You'll have a lot less anxiety, which may directly improve your overall performances and quality of life.

It is very tough being a perfectionist, I definitely struggle with this. And it only slows output. Let me know if you find a good book or video on this topic.

 

[One Jeffrey]

It is very tough being a perfectionist, I definitely struggle with this. And it only slows output. Let me know if you find a good book or video on this topic.

The exact video that pushed me to make this thread was this one:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx6LQ4p9TPU

 

[constant-in]

Since I didn't directly read a question, lemme maybe add from my experience.

I completely agree with you that the pursuit of perfection can often lead to anxiety and actually some sort of self-sabotage. It can be an extremely limiting mindset that prevents you from taking action and achieving your goals.

The 80/20 rule has really changed my way of working. I have come to accept that some imperfection is inevitable, and focusing on the 20% that makes 80% of the impact is what truly matters.

By focusing on the essential tasks that yield the best return, I am able to save tremendous amounts of time and energy while still achieving great outcomes.

That and the notion of true focus, of rigorously cutting unneeded items out, is what really helped me to be ok with imperfection, but to work on it in an iterative process.

Cheers

 

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[PureA]

Stuck = Scared.

 

[Jobless]

It's a quantity vs quality question that depends on the activity.

If you're doing something 1000 times, you will learn from your mistakes.
If you have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you should aim for perfection.

 

[Dakoded1]

While not perfect, being the best is a much easier strategy.

 

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[heavy_industry]

Perfectionism is lack of wisdom portrayed as a virtue.

Someone who labels themselves as "perfectionists" don't understand that version 1.0 will always suck. And that's fine, because all human progress is experimental and incremental in nature.

All people that have reached the peak of their potential have started their careers as bumbling idiots. But they had the humility and curiosity to keep going. And as a consequence, they did not remain bumbling idiots for very long.

If you are paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake, you will never get to develop, and you will end up making the worst mistakes due to the lack of experience.

How many times did you fall down and went back up when you first learned how to walk? Perhaps it's time to learn a lesson from our former selves.

 

[One Jeffrey]

It's a quantity vs quality question that depends on the activity.

If you're doing something 1000 times, you will learn from your mistakes.
If you have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you should aim for perfection.

Indeed, if you spot an opportunity that could change the entire course of your life for the better. Go at it with everything you've got!

Perfectionism is lack of wisdom portrayed as a virtue.

Someone who labels themselves as "perfectionists" don't understand that version 1.0 will always suck. And that's fine, because all human progress is experimental and incremental in nature.

All people that have reached the peak of their potential have started their careers as bumbling idiots. But they had the humility and curiosity to keep going. And as a consequence, they did not remain bumbling idiots for very long.

If you are paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake, you will never get to develop, and you will end up making the worst mistakes due to the lack of experience.

How many times did you fall down and went back up when you first learned how to walk? Perhaps it's time to learn a lesson from our former selves.

Thanks! My stupider/school indoctrinated self didn't and wouldn't understand this. I would waste so much time and torture myself over some trivial assignments and exams that ultimately only gave a ticket towards average mediocrity.

School made me fear failure... Learning about hyperrealities in Unscripted freed my mind. This mindset shift, by itself, is extremely valuable and I only wish that all perfectionists out there realize this.

 

[DMass]

There is no such thing as perfect.

The more that you strive for it the slower you path to improvement will be. I work of the rule of 80%, if what I produce ia 80% to perfection then it's good to go.

I know to make up the next 20% would take me the same amount of time as I have spent getting to the 80%. It's the Pareto Principle in action.

The most value, and bang for your buck, comes from the 80%. Not the 20%.

There is always time to fulfil that 20% but you will be surprised by how much feedback you get that makes your reconsider what that 20% is, or is actually worth.

My advice.

Get the 80% done, worry about the 20% later. Because you don't know what perfect is, or even if it exists. Your idea of perfect is probably different to what the markets view of it is.

 

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[BellaPippin]

I struggle with perfectionism. It’s not a desirable trait. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone saying “I wish I was a perfectionist”. I sure wish I had attention to detail, but I don’t. That is a more desirable trait. Perfectionism isn’t. Perfectionism is one symptom in the anxiety spectrum, IMO. It is NOT attention to detail.

Like they said above, perfectionism is not starting. It’s procrastinating ad-infinitum due to a deep rooted fear of failure, sometimes you are aware of it and sometimes it’s disguised as something different, like boredom. Like you want to do something but “meh, why bother”. It also goes hand in hand with big bro impostor syndrome, and makes you minimize whatever you actually achieve.

When I was a kid, mistakes weren’t encouraged. My mom took this to a different level when it came to my schooling. She didn’t straight out say it but she wanted me to get only A’s. Even as a kid I remember understanding it wasn’t that important, but I found myself confronting my “it could have been an A” mom. I remember being ecstatic over getting a B+ in math test and coming home proud of myself because for me doing that well in math wasn’t common, and I’d always get just about enough to pass. I said “look at how much better I did this time!” only to abruptly crash to my moms “it could have been an A”. I always felt she resent me because unlike my cousins, I wasn’t a valedictorian or have any of those academic honors they give you in school. I actually attained that in college years later without even trying that much but during middle school and high school my average was always something of a B+. I was fine with myself over it, but I knew she wasn’t. At that age unfortunately I knew only enough to feel I was ok with it but I didn’t know enough to not need her validation and that hurt me a lot. This was repeated again and again, mostly just in the academic environment, however it seems to have eventually poured into my adulthood‘s many endeavors.

In my art I used to draw and post away for fun when I was a teenager. I knew it wasn’t at the level I wanted to be but that didn’t influence me enough to not do at all. The enjoyment of the process still trumped that. Overtime I made a lot of progress regardless, because I kept practicing. Nowadays the story is a different one.

I have to force myself to paint these days because the enjoyment of the process isn’t enough to trump the discomfort of producing something that isn’t up to my counter-productively-and-unreasonably-high standards. I have to tell myself I’m not doing it to show it to anyone else and even if I don’t post it I’m typically discontent with the result and I have to tell myself out loud why I’m doing it and why is important that I do it anyways. Everything ends up in the trash one way or another, with little exceptions.

It’s a stupid uphill battle that has no purpose other than put yourself down and mental self-sabotage. If you are self-aware enough and want to overcome it, it’s more like chronic joint pain you have to deal with. You can’t switch it off, you can only hope to ignore it and suck up the feelings of inadequacy, discomfort and shame.

If I can add, make sure you maintain a balance in the encouragement/pushing of your kids. I’m not a super fan of the participation trophy either, but it’s important to not be a put down machine, you know? The whole “I’m not good enough” starts SOMEWHERE it doesn’t just appear out of the blue. I hope to do better with my step kids because I want them to be able to put in the work to get better at something without having to deal with the shame of it not being what they want the first time around like I do, because otherwise coming around to keep trying is way harder than it needs to be.

I’m not sure where the point is I guess the whole thing hit a nerve lol!

 

[Andy Black]

Procrastination stops you starting.
Perfectionism stops you finishing.
Both are fear of shipping.