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What BOX have you locked yourself up in?

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MJ DeMarco

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I pulled this out of an old thread dozens of pages long and I thought it worth a thread.

As I mentioned many times, I'm an introvert. As such, I don't enjoy being at the center of attention. I don't like public speaking. I hate going on podcasts. I hate doing YouTube videos. I hate interviews. I prefer written word over spoken.

That said, these personality traits have the potentially disastrous effect of putting myself into a self-imposed BOX. The BOX then serves as a hindrance, an excuse not to test your comfort zones and conquer fears. The box stops me from doing what needs to be done. The box stops me from improving, growing, and minimizing a fear.

But I don't let the BOX define me. I do podcasts because my purpose is greater than my fear. My purpose acts like a sharp knife capable of tearing down the BOX.

Fixed mindset types live in a prison of BOXES. My personality type is X,Y, or Z so I won't do A, B, or C. Then they get stuck in a rut — never growing, never evolving and always doing the same things over and over, while expecting different results. Boxes serve one purpose— to contain and limit. When you put yourself in a box, you contain and limit your growth. Period.

Here are just some boxes I've personally heard over the last year...

Box: I’m not a person who reads books.
Box: I’m not a public speaker.
Box: I’m not a person who plays board games.
Box: I’m not someone who likes going to the gym.
Box: I’m not X, Y, or Z because of A, B, or C.
Box: I’m not good at X (of course your aren’t, you never tried, and never worked hard at it)
Box: I'm not a good people person.
Box: I'm not a good writer.
Box: I'm not an entrepreneur.
Box: I'm not a good saver.
Box: I'm not a good leader.

And do you want to know the strongest, most powerful BOX of all?

It is one that not made of cardboard or steel, but of velvet...

It is comfort.

If you want to radically change your life NEXT YEAR, start observing the BOXES you've erected around yourself. Then start to poke, prod, and question them. What is that box doing to your life? Is it preserving the king BOX of all of 'em, comfort? Ultimately, BOXES are weak excuses that preserve the primary box, the BOX of COMFORT.

You can evolve into whomever you want with the right effort, self-awareness, discipline, and purpose.

What BOX are you stuck in?

PS: A good book on this topic is Personality Isn't Permanent by B. Hardy.
 
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MTF

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I can relate to the introversion/outsider/lone wolf part. It's a deeply ingrained pattern and it comes back whenever I find myself in a group.

Also, I'd emphasize that sometimes it isn't about who you aren't but who you are.

For example, I feel that my box is that I'm a writer. It makes me think that the only kind of business that can work for me is a business that relies in one way or another on writing. In a way, my success as a writer put me in a very limiting box. I assume it's the same with athletes, artists, etc. You succeed with one thing and then think that everything in your life moving forward has to revolve around this one thing.
 

jstn2907

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In my earlier days, I had the box "I'm too shy" and because of that thinking, I created several boxes, like "I hate speaking in front of many people", "I don't need help, I can do it on my own" and so on. I assumed because of this one box, everything that is related to it, I don't like. After I looked beyond that box, I found out I really enjoy speaking in front of people, and of course, I can do it on my own, but I achieve faster results with help. I am a human, and everything that seems related together is still something different.

My Box right now is "I am not talented enough to program", and because of that, I do it, I am coding every day, and learning it, and one day I can say "talent" isn´t everything. It's about willpower
 
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woken

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Funny how this forum has a way of showing new posts exactly when one needs them:rofl:.


Just today was thinking about this as I had an argument with my mom.
Whenever I try to teach her something, she says she’s not in the mood for it. Moments later she blames me for not teaching her what I just did for her to help her. WTF?

This is how everyone in my family is.
I wanted to help, they did not listen yet they keep blaming me for their own shortcomings.
It hurts, but I’ve always felt like an outsider within my own family so not much I can do about it anyway.

Some people are better off left in them boxes . Only by themselves they can get out of their own boxes.

edit: I realize this is a bit stretched from MJ’s post but it still makes sense for me.
 
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rsrs

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The box stops me from doing what needs to be done
For me boxes are only real when I don't really know what needs to be done. I realized in the last couple years that I can do anything as long as I really know where I want to go or what I need to achieve. But in it lies the core difference of knowing for real.

I've just made a reply that totally relates to this: 8 minutes ago

I've always "wanted" to have a business but then all the boxes arises: "I don't have much money to invest", "I need to study this or that before starting", "I need to deal with a lot of strangers". I "wanted".

When I started to KNOW I will have a successful business, I can do anything to achieve that. There's no box anymore. I still deal with this a lot, when the "what ifs" find a way in my mind. But each day I remember I KNOW I am going to achieve, all those "what ifs" dissolves, and the boxes dissolves too.
 

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For the past couple of years, I thought I was very introverted and possibly autistic. I wasn't very social and didn't speak much.

Last month I started a beginner's MMA class and when I'm at the gym or walking back with some of the others who go, I am very social and never shut up.

It wasn't even a concious decision. I didn't say to myself that I was going to talk to everyone and try to be more outgoing. Maybe it was an environment thing, I'm not too sure.
 

Vinz

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I've considered myself an introvert most of my life . Lately I've been surprised to find that working a sales job and being around some good people , made me enjoy socializing much more. And while I'm not an extrovert, I'd say I can lean to both

Really makes me think to what limit what we think that is fixed about ourselves really is. Truly I'm scared of talking with strangers when I didn't do it
 
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unicon

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A box of four (4) is reconciliation, the most valuable because it is a conceptual lock in understanding an issue

1) Beginning
2) In
3) Out
4) Ending

Everything is positioning and activiity !
 

MitchC

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For me boxes are only real when I don't really know what needs to be done. I realized in the last couple years that I can do anything as long as I really know where I want to go or what I need to achieve. But in it lies the core difference of knowing for real.

I've just made a reply that totally relates to this: 8 minutes ago

I've always "wanted" to have a business but then all the boxes arises: "I don't have much money to invest", "I need to study this or that before starting", "I need to deal with a lot of strangers". I "wanted".

When I started to KNOW I will have a successful business, I can do anything to achieve that. There's no box anymore. I still deal with this a lot, when the "what ifs" find a way in my mind. But each day I remember I KNOW I am going to achieve, all those "what ifs" dissolves, and the boxes dissolves too.


I was actually going to reply to someone in the knife sharpening shark tank thread about this.

I believe the reason nobody took that idea and ran with it wasn’t because they didn’t want to, or they didn’t think they could do it, I believe nobody took that idea and ran with it because they wanted a guarantee that they would succeed, if you knew you were going to succeed in that business you would do everything required to build it, people just didn’t believe enough in either themselves or the idea to put the effort into pursuing it.
 

missinfinity98

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As a young teenager, I once worked with a therapist that labeled me as "shy". I felt furious, as I knew myself better. I was smart and trusted myself. As a therapist, she failed to see that my mother was abusive and it was the source of some of the traits I developed. She failed at her job, and I was depressed for a while, feeling isolated and misunderstood, as many teenagers sadly are. On the bright side, I used the energy from emotions I felt to seek answers to questions. And I had many. I embraced my individuality and dived into curiosity about myself and the universe. And now I reflect on MJ's question "what box have you locked yourself up in?" - a woman perhaps? There is so much bs out there: "women are from Venus, men are from Mars" (seriously...?). Also lately I started reading a great book by a german author Ute Ehrhard called "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls everywhere". It is not about becoming a psychopath as if that would be that easy :D It is pointing out all the traps in society and XXI century culture that trap women. Like being "nice". Or taking care more of others and putting self-love, needs of self on the side (??!). Self-denial crushes self-worth. The moral code of sacrificing oneself for someone else is an anti-life philosophy. And yet... books, movies, music are filled with toxic examples of all of that.
 
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Antifragile

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Mindset.


It can change your life.

When you have a 'growth mindset', you believe that you have the ability to improve and grow as a person. You don't shy away from hard or new things, but instead you welcome them with open arms.

The opposite of this is having a 'fixed mindset.' When you are in this situation, you believe that your abilities are set in stone. You inherently believe that you can't improve, and shying away from new things shows this.

Unfortunately, many people have the fixed mindset. They don't think they can do anything better than they already can or stop themselves from getting worse at something; to them things like this happen naturally.

As a result of this, they often shy away from things they aren't good at or find difficult. This mindset often leads to self-sabotage and even depression when they face failure.

Instead of always looking out for the next 'safe' thing, people should take advantage of growth mindset and look out for new opportunities. These opportunities will help them improve and grow as a person.

It's not always easy, but it is worth it.

So how do you change your mindset? It's not simple, but it is possible with some effort. The greatest method to begin is by recognizing when you're in danger of slipping into a negative thought pattern. This can be done by keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts every day. This will help you to see the patterns in your thinking, and eventually you'll be able to interrupt them before they take hold.

After that, it's important to focus on your successes. No matter how small they may seem, celebrate them! This will help to increase your self-confidence and help you to see that you are capable of more than you think.

Finally, it's important to be around positive people. This can be difficult if most of your friends or family have a fixed mindset, but it's not impossible. Seek out people who will support and encourage you in your endeavours.

With time and effort, you can change your mindset and become the person you've always wanted to be. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. So don't give up, and keep pushing yourself to grow. You have the power to create your own future, so use it!

As David Goggins would say "stay hard".
 

MJ DeMarco

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I was actually going to reply to someone in the knife sharpening shark tank thread about this.

I believe the reason nobody took that idea and ran with it wasn’t because they didn’t want to, or they didn’t think they could do it, I believe nobody took that idea and ran with it because they wanted a guarantee that they would succeed, if you knew you were going to succeed in that business you would do everything required to build it, people just didn’t believe enough in either themselves or the idea to put the effort into pursuing it.

Somebody did take the idea and moved forward with it, for at least a few months. However, it was posted as an INE for anyone to eyeball and take for months. I really loved the idea as it was something I would have pursued if I was 25 and looking for a life changing project.
 

MTF

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As David Goggins would say "stay hard"

I know what I'm getting you for Christmas:

251800894_426027048884904_8153386393084109569_n.jpg

 
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Antifragile

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I know what I'm getting you for Christmas:

View attachment 41111

Make sure you order a few sized down, as I am carrying some holiday weight right now. Thaaaatsss right! I take initiative and gain weight well before the holidays begin, because I am a self starter. Don’t tell me I don’t have goals in life. :rofl:
 

Tjack102

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I pulled this out of an old thread dozens of pages long and I thought it worth a thread.

As I mentioned many times, I'm an introvert. As such, I don't enjoy being at the center of attention. I don't like public speaking. I hate going on podcasts. I hate doing YouTube videos. I hate interviews. I prefer written word over spoken.

That said, these personality traits have the potentially disastrous effect of putting myself into a self-imposed BOX. The BOX then serves as a hindrance, an excuse not to test your comfort zones and conquer fears. The box stops me from doing what needs to be done. The box stops me from improving, growing, and minimizing a fear.

But I don't let the BOX define me. I do podcasts because my purpose is greater than my fear. My purpose acts like a sharp knife capable of tearing down the BOX.

Fixed mindset types live in a prison of BOXES. My personality type is X,Y, or Z so I won't do A, B, or C. Then they get stuck in a rut — never growing, never evolving and always doing the same things over and over, while expecting different results. Boxes serve one purpose— to contain and limit. When you put yourself in a box, you contain and limit your growth. Period.

Here are just some boxes I've personally heard over the last year...

Box: I’m not a person who reads books.
Box: I’m not a public speaker.
Box: I’m not a person who plays board games.
Box: I’m not someone who likes going to the gym.
Box: I’m not X, Y, or Z because of A, B, or C.
Box: I’m not good at X (of course your aren’t, you never tried, and never worked hard at it)
Box: I'm not a good people person.
Box: I'm not a good writer.
Box: I'm not an entrepreneur.
Box: I'm not a good saver.
Box: I'm not a good leader.

And do you want to know the strongest, most powerful BOX of all?

It is one that not made of cardboard or steel, but of velvet...

It is comfort.

If you want to radically change your life NEXT YEAR, start observing the BOXES you've erected around yourself. Then start to poke, prod, and question them. What is that box doing to your life? Is it preserving the king BOX of all of 'em, comfort? Ultimately, BOXES are weak excuses that preserve the primary box, the BOX of COMFORT.

You can evolve into whomever you want with the right effort, self-awareness, discipline, and purpose.

What BOX are you stuck in?

PS: A good book on this topic is Personality Isn't Permanent by B. Hardy.
I have several boxes. Comfort is definitely the biggest of all for me. That's where it all starts. I've always been afraid to push myself into anything because that would be uncomfortable (and fear of failure). introversion is another big one and it's getting worse the older I get which is the opposite of what I thought would happen! I know I can improve in so many areas of my life. It's just a matter of discipline and stop seeking comfort.
 

NewManRising

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I used to put myself in many boxes. Some of the big ones were " I'm too shy", "I'm too different", "Not smart enough", " I have no money" and so on. But nowadays I don't really struggle with this. My mindset has changed and I do believe I can achieve great things.

My main problem is that I still have people lingering in my life that try to put me in their box. I know some people consciously try to drag you down but many do it unconsciously. It's like they seek to make everything conform to their actions and belief systems. They want you to be a minimum wage loser, spend all your money on some new gadget, play video games all night, get drunk, overeat and get fat, etc etc.

I've realized that these people live a purposeless life. There is no direction or aim. Their life is merely a series of instinctual movements or those based on feelings that hop from one cheap pleasure to the next.

I don't know what to do other than just disappear. It is hard when it is your family though. They also do not respect boundaries, don't care about your dreams, etc. In fact, they keep doubling down on trying to get you to ditch your priorities and join them in pointless bullshit that just goes in circles and doesn't accomplish anything.
 
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Boogie

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I used to put myself in many boxes. Some of the big ones were " I'm too shy", "I'm too different", "Not smart enough", " I have no money" and so on. But nowadays I don't really struggle with this. My mindset has changed and I do believe I can achieve great things.

My main problem is that I still have people lingering in my life that try to put me in their box. I know some people consciously try to drag you down but many do it unconsciously. It's like they seek to make everything conform to their actions and belief systems. They want you to be a minimum wage loser, spend all your money on some new gadget, play video games all night, get drunk, overeat and get fat, etc etc.

I've realized that these people live a purposeless life. There is no direction or aim. Their life is merely a series of instinctual movements or those based on feelings that hop from one cheap pleasure to the next.

I don't know what to do other than just disappear. It is hard when it is your family though. They also do not respect boundaries, don't care about your dreams, etc. In fact, they keep doubling down on trying to get you to ditch your priorities and join them in pointless bullshit that just goes in circles and doesn't accomplish anything.

Why is it a problem for you? Just disconnect. You should be able to do that.

"Sorry, not right now. I have to get some things done."

Don't be a people pleaser if that's what you're doing. Create your own boundary.
 

NewManRising

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Why is it a problem for you? Just disconnect. You should be able to do that.

"Sorry, not right now. I have to get some things done."

Don't be a people pleaser if that's what you're doing. Create your own boundary.
Not a people pleaser. It's just my family is aggressive in trying to make you conform to their box or the box of others. As I say, the only way to disconnect is to disappear for good. They don't respect boundaries or act like they even exist.
 

thechosen1

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Introvert - I’ve practiced very hard on flipping that one and forcing myself to act more extroverted, and am happy to report that it’s working.

Small town / hometown / stick with opportunities in hand - this box still plagues me for reasons that are too complicated for this post, but basically, I am sitting on a potential goldmine even though I would love to explore a bit more. I’ve always been the “responsible” and “loyal” one who will stick with plan...

Offline businesses and being “old fashioned” : always trying to be the contrarian, I’ve found that I have stuck myself into this box in a rather odd way. I need to get open minded about new ways of doing business and new technologies...again.

All in all I’m still progressing slowly but plan to make some bigger jumps, learn new skills that are way out of my normal path, and accept more risk in my life. That will shatter the boxes.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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mentalPrisons.png
 

TheLearner

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For example, I feel that my box is that I'm a writer. It makes me think that the only kind of business that can work for me is a business that relies in one way or another on writing. In a way, my success as a writer put me in a very limiting box. I assume it's the same with athletes, artists, etc. You succeed with one thing and then think that everything in your life moving forward has to revolve around this one thing.
I was in this headspace for a long time, it was hard for me to wrap my head around how entrepreneurs could go from one industry to another and be successful in each. For example how does Elon Musk go from developing a website, to payments, to rockets, to electric cars, AND succeed in each one?? I know he is the most extreme example on the planet of this, but there are a lot of successful entrepreneurs that have been successful in one industry and then gone into another industry and have been just as successful or even more successful. I used to think that I had to be bound to whatever my experience/profession had been up to that point when looking for business ideas, but then I realized all these people just hired others who had the skills they lacked in an industry and charged ahead, they were just skilled at finding what people wanted, then providing it to them. With athletes, artists, writers, etc. you have to have the skill of that sport, that type of artistry, the skill of great writing, but in business it seems like you don't need to be very skilled in your industry. You could manufacture and sell clothes without knowing how to sew, you could build and sell software without knowing how to code, you could build and sell houses without having a clue as to how to use a hammer.
 

thechosen1

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I was in this headspace for a long time, it was hard for me to wrap my head around how entrepreneurs could go from one industry to another and be successful in each. For example how does Elon Musk go from developing a website, to payments, to rockets, to electric cars, AND succeed in each one?? I know he is the most extreme example on the planet of this, but there are a lot of successful entrepreneurs that have been successful in one industry and then gone into another industry and have been just as successful or even more successful. I used to think that I had to be bound to whatever my experience/profession had been up to that point when looking for business ideas, but then I realized all these people just hired others who had the skills they lacked in an industry and charged ahead, they were just skilled at finding what people wanted, then providing it to them. With athletes, artists, writers, etc. you have to have the skill of that sport, that type of artistry, the skill of great writing, but in business it seems like you don't need to be very skilled in your industry. You could manufacture and sell clothes without knowing how to sew, you could build and sell software without knowing how to code, you could build and sell houses without having a clue as to how to use a hammer.
Listen to @Kak on his radio show where he really explains this best:
“All of the worlds resources... are available to good leaders.”
 
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FinnVenture

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For me boxes are only real when I don't really know what needs to be done. I realized in the last couple years that I can do anything as long as I really know where I want to go or what I need to achieve. But in it lies the core difference of knowing for real.

I've just made a reply that totally relates to this: 8 minutes ago

I've always "wanted" to have a business but then all the boxes arises: "I don't have much money to invest", "I need to study this or that before starting", "I need to deal with a lot of strangers". I "wanted".

When I started to KNOW I will have a successful business, I can do anything to achieve that. There's no box anymore. I still deal with this a lot, when the "what ifs" find a way in my mind. But each day I remember I KNOW I am going to achieve, all those "what ifs" dissolves, and the boxes dissolves too.
Mindset.


It can change your life.

When you have a 'growth mindset', you believe that you have the ability to improve and grow as a person. You don't shy away from hard or new things, but instead you welcome them with open arms.

The opposite of this is having a 'fixed mindset.' When you are in this situation, you believe that your abilities are set in stone. You inherently believe that you can't improve, and shying away from new things shows this.

Unfortunately, many people have the fixed mindset. They don't think they can do anything better than they already can or stop themselves from getting worse at something; to them things like this happen naturally.

As a result of this, they often shy away from things they aren't good at or find difficult. This mindset often leads to self-sabotage and even depression when they face failure.

Instead of always looking out for the next 'safe' thing, people should take advantage of growth mindset and look out for new opportunities. These opportunities will help them improve and grow as a person.

It's not always easy, but it is worth it.

So how do you change your mindset? It's not simple, but it is possible with some effort. The greatest method to begin is by recognizing when you're in danger of slipping into a negative thought pattern. This can be done by keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts every day. This will help you to see the patterns in your thinking, and eventually you'll be able to interrupt them before they take hold.

After that, it's important to focus on your successes. No matter how small they may seem, celebrate them! This will help to increase your self-confidence and help you to see that you are capable of more than you think.

Finally, it's important to be around positive people. This can be difficult if most of your friends or family have a fixed mindset, but it's not impossible. Seek out people who will support and encourage you in your endeavours.

With time and effort, you can change your mindset and become the person you've always wanted to be. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. So don't give up, and keep pushing yourself to grow. You have the power to create your own future, so use it!

As David Goggins would say "stay hard".
Thank you both for sharing, very helpful stuff esp where I am right now!!
 

Kak

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Listen to @Kak on his radio show where he really explains this best:
“All of the worlds resources... are available to good leaders.”
If you can justify and rightfully attract them! You do that by being a good leader. Someone worthy of the resources. :cool::thumbsup:
 

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I was in this headspace for a long time, it was hard for me to wrap my head around how entrepreneurs could go from one industry to another and be successful in each. For example how does Elon Musk go from developing a website, to payments, to rockets, to electric cars, AND succeed in each one?? I know he is the most extreme example on the planet of this, but there are a lot of successful entrepreneurs that have been successful in one industry and then gone into another industry and have been just as successful or even more successful. I used to think that I had to be bound to whatever my experience/profession had been up to that point when looking for business ideas, but then I realized all these people just hired others who had the skills they lacked in an industry and charged ahead, they were just skilled at finding what people wanted, then providing it to them. With athletes, artists, writers, etc. you have to have the skill of that sport, that type of artistry, the skill of great writing, but in business it seems like you don't need to be very skilled in your industry. You could manufacture and sell clothes without knowing how to sew, you could build and sell software without knowing how to code, you could build and sell houses without having a clue as to how to use a hammer.
Threads pop up occasionally where members ask what’s the best skill to pick up if they want to build a profitable business.

Common answers are sales, leadership, web design, copywriting, digital marketing, etc.

I keep answering “the skill of building profitable businesses”.

It falls on deaf ears as it seems I’m being cheeky.

I’m not.

If you want to be good at XYX then get good at doing XYZ.

Elon Musk is good at building businesses.

Richard Branson is good at building businesses.

Gary V is good at building businesses.

What do you want to get good at? Get good at that.
 
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Andre Aguiar

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Funny how this forum has a way of showing new posts exactly when one needs them:rofl:.


Just today was thinking about this as I had an argument with my mom.
Whenever I try to teach her something, she says she’s not in the mood for it. Moments later she blames me for not teaching her what I just did for her to help her. WTF?

This is how everyone in my family is.
I wanted to help, they did not listen yet they keep blaming me for their own shortcomings.
It hurts, but I’ve always felt like an outsider within my own family so not much I can do about it anyway.

Some people are better off left in them boxes . Only by themselves they can get out of their own boxes.

edit: I realize this is a bit stretched from MJ’s post but it still makes sense for me.
I also feel that my family is one of my boxes, even after almost 6 years living in my own home.

Specially my brother and sister, they hate capitalism and people with money.
I used to think like them in my teens, but I woke up and now I'm in my way to a better life, with money, freedom and exciting projects; and their life looks always the same, with the same job, the same complaints, the same thoughts...

But, at the same time, whenever I think about having an expensive car, for instance, the first thing in my mind is "what will they think of me?"
I know I still have many of those old thoughts in my mind, but now I can manage them better and pursue my goals.

It's not easy, but the more I know myself, more I can advance to a new mindset and a new life.
It all starts with controlling my mind and my thoughts.
 

Andy Black

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Funny how this forum has a way of showing new posts exactly when one needs them:rofl:.


Just today was thinking about this as I had an argument with my mom.
Whenever I try to teach her something, she says she’s not in the mood for it. Moments later she blames me for not teaching her what I just did for her to help her. WTF?

This is how everyone in my family is.
I wanted to help, they did not listen yet they keep blaming me for their own shortcomings.
It hurts, but I’ve always felt like an outsider within my own family so not much I can do about it anyway.

Some people are better off left in them boxes . Only by themselves they can get out of their own boxes.

edit: I realize this is a bit stretched from MJ’s post but it still makes sense for me.
Ask your mum when she wants to sit down and go through XYZ. That way the ball is in her court.
 

Drchainsaw

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I can relate to the introversion/outsider/lone wolf part. It's a deeply ingrained pattern and it comes back whenever I find myself in a group.

Also, I'd emphasize that sometimes it isn't about who you aren't but who you are.

For example, I feel that my box is that I'm a writer. It makes me think that the only kind of business that can work for me is a business that relies in one way or another on writing. In a way, my success as a writer put me in a very limiting box. I assume it's the same with athletes, artists, etc. You succeed with one thing and then think that everything in your life moving forward has to revolve around this one thing.
I especially relate to this, being a programmer by profession it feels that all my success should come from that already developed skillset.
 
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CaptainAmerica

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I was talking to my youngest today about how I literally moved 3000 miles away in order to escape boxes that other people had me trapped in: shy, weird, only book-smart, ungainly...

When I moved, no one here had any idea of who I was, they took whatever I said and presented at face value. Utterly life-changing. And it gave me the opportunity to work on the prison I built in my own mind: old-fashioned, strict, uncreative, boring...

One of the books that really helped me (missinfity98, you'll appreciate this) was a tongue-in-cheek book called "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bitch", on how to use the phrase 'I don't think so' to get away from enforced Toxic Niceness. (I'm nice. I just have firm boundaries.)

I'm currently working on the box of 'I can do it myself'; that one has never served me well.
 

missinfinity98

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Oct 25, 2021
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I was talking to my youngest today about how I literally moved 3000 miles away in order to escape boxes that other people had me trapped in: shy, weird, only book-smart, ungainly...

When I moved, no one here had any idea of who I was, they took whatever I said and presented at face value. Utterly life-changing. And it gave me the opportunity to work on the prison I built in my own mind: old-fashioned, strict, uncreative, boring...

One of the books that really helped me (missinfity98, you'll appreciate this) was a tongue-in-cheek book called "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bitch", on how to use the phrase 'I don't think so' to get away from enforced Toxic Niceness. (I'm nice. I just have firm boundaries.)

I'm currently working on the box of 'I can do it myself'; that one has never served me well.
Hahaha, I love the title!

Update: This book is fun. Personally, I was already practicing most of it, anyway I go through it, it is so funny! "To paraphrase the African proverb: “ The best time to have gotten in touch with your Inner Bitch was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”" After reading so many books lately, this non-serious approach feels like a fresh breeze on my skin ^^
 
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