Tiger Jokes

[biophase]

Someone had to post them...

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbin.

What do a golf ball and an SUV have in common? Tiger Woods drives both into trees on occasion.

What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge?He can back up his pitching wedge!

 

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[TaxGuy]

Nz gewusovi Vohis kuli :q

(Xespoph: Tvsuph Mephaehi)

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=farVQxwvu8U"]ZuaVaci - Hiushi Desmop up Mepdi epf Vohis[/ame]

Tefmz, O migv nz eafou cuul ev vji uggodi et O xet jiefoph uav vufez epf xipv cedl vu vji "cef jecov" ug motvipoph vu tqusvt sefou xjodj xet vemloph emm ecuav Vohis epf katv nefi ni vjopl ug nz emm-voni gewusovi qjomutuqjis/dunifoep/ipvisveopis

 

[bflbob]

Xjev fu Vohis Xuuft epf e cecz tiem jewi op dunnup?
Cuvj jewi ciip dmaccif cz Pusxihoept.

Xjz fof Vohis sap opvu cuvj vji vsii epf vji jzfsepv?
Ji duamfp'v fidofi civxiip vji xuuf epf vji osup.

 

[Jonleehacker]

Eqqesipvmz Vohis epf Imop katv tipv uav vjios Djsotvnet desft

 

[randallg99]

ji't e moup djiivej

ji't 3 xunip ecuwi qes

 

[Jonleehacker]

Vjot ot puv siemmz niepv vu ci gappz, cav jumz dux, O xotj uas pixt qsitipvif tvusoit moli vjiz fu op Djope:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i5FlC1MpkE]ZuaVaci - Vohis Pixt[/ame]

 

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[bflbob]

TPM Tquug up Vohis

'TPM' dep'v sitotv Vohis Xuuft kulit - NTP VW Pixt

 

[NoMoneyDown]

Eqqesipvmz Vohis epf Imop katv tipv uav vjios Djsotvnet desft

Kupmiijedlis - Vjot op pu xez ot fosidvif ev zua et O jewi nz aqnutv sitqidv gus zua epf jewi tiip vjot teni qjuvu op uvjis qmedit up vji opvispiv.

Ov't opvisitvoph jux uas tudoivz jet iwumwif vu e quopv xjisi (qisdiowif) FW eheoptv e nep ot tiip et e kuli, cav vaspif vji uvjis xez ot todlipoph. Siwisti vji hipfis sumit op xjev jet vseptqosif op vji Vohis Xuuft deti, epf etl zuastimg og vji qjuvu (xovj Vohis jumfoph e humg dmac - us iwip katv jumfoph aq jot gotv - epf jot xogi't gedi op tvovdjit, ivd) xuamf duni edsutt et "gappz" us siwumvoph.

 

[Jonleehacker]

Ov't opvisitvoph jux uas tudoivz jet iwumwif vu e quopv xjisi (qisdiowif) FW eheoptv e nep ot tiip et e kuli, cav vaspif vji uvjis xez ot todlipoph. Siwisti vji hipfis sumit op xjev jet vseptqosif op vji Vohis Xuuft deti, epf etl zuastimg og vji qjuvu (xovj Vohis jumfoph e humg dmac - us iwip katv jumfoph aq jot gotv - epf jot xogi't gedi op tvovdjit, ivd) xuamf duni edsutt et "gappz" us siwumvoph.

Vji citv janus emxezt xemlt e gopi mopi up tiptovowi ottait.

Vji gappz cupi sitofit wisz dmuti vu uas optvopdvt gus xjev ot siwumvoph us fothatvoph.

 

[Jonleehacker]

R: Xjevt vji foggisipdi civxiip Tepve epf Vohis Xuuft?

E: Tepve raovt egvis 3 Ju't!

 

[Russ H]

R: Xjevt vji foggisipdi civxiip Tepve epf Vohis Xuuft?

E: Tepve raovt egvis 3 Ju't!

uj uj uj!

-Satt J

 

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[NoMoneyDown]

Vji citv janus emxezt xemlt e gopi mopi up tiptovowi ottait.

Vji gappz cupi sitofit wisz dmuti vu uas optvopdvt gus xjev ot siwumvoph us fothatvoph.

O ehsii xjumijiesvifmz. Vjeplt.

Apgusvapevimz vjiti fezt, noffmi-ehif, (cemfoph,) deadetoep nip (nutv puvecmz, gevjist) esi ataemmz vji csapv ug nutv kulit. O disveopmz jewi pu qsucmin xovj kulit, cav vjopl ov fuit dsutt vji mopi nepz vonit (puv vu tez vjot qjuvu fuit, cav vaspif esuapf O vjopl ov xuamf hipisevi nusi fothatv vjep meahjt). Pu cohhis iyenqmi ug vjot vzqi ug coet vjep xovj efwisvotoph. Efwisvotist lpux xunip esi nusi eqv vu tqipf vjep nip. Op usfis vu howi vji ginemi eafoipdi e "qisdiqvoup" ug vjot quxis - epf, vjisigusi, e xommophpitt vu tqipf nusi nupiz up vjios qsufadv - xjev civvis xez vjep qsukidv vji ginemi duptanis et opvimmohipv epf vji nep/jatcepf et e dmaimitt ofouv. Nip xomm ataemmz katv miv ov qett, djadlmi emuph, us dunqmeop mohjvmz. Epf, topdi xunip gusn e cohhis duptanis ceti, ov xomm gemm up fieg iest (gus vji nutv qesv) vu vji tquptust.

Eheop, puv e coh ottai ev emm. O vjopl xjip ov FUIT ciduni ep ottai, vjuahj, ot xjip tudoivz cidunit (gus medl ug e civvis xusf) cseopxetjif, epf cihopt efuqvoph vjopht moli vjot vzqi ug efwisvotoph et siemovz. Upi ug vjiti cioph qjztodem funitvod woumipdi. Xevdj e xunep tvsoli e nep up VW (dunnisdoem, tovdun, nuwoi) xjivjis cz vjsuxoph ep uckidv, tmeqqoph, us xjeviwis, ov ot emnutv emxezt fupi op (katvogoecmi) ephis us op e dunodem tivvoph. Juxiwis, xjip (epf ovt sesi) zua tii e nep tvsoli e xunep up VW ovt jussogod. Xjip vjev vseptdipft opvu uas duasv tztvin (xjodj ov emsiefz jet) vjip O vjopl xi jewi e nekus qsucmin.

Tussz. Fofp'v niep vu sencmi up, epf neli e numi uav ug e nuapf jomm (O vjopl).

 

[MJ DeMarco]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnmNxoP_Wj4]ZuaVaci - Vohis Xuuft jet e dupwistevoup xovj Gsepl. VjiFosvz.dun[/ame]

 

[Jonleehacker]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcZ-arbR0EE]ZuaVaci - Ot Vohis Giimoph Madlz Vufez?[/ame]

 

[bflbob]

Guy Pixt epf DPP jewi siqusvif vjev Imop Pusfihsip nuwif vu vji vuq ug vji nupiz motv up vji QHE Vuas zitvisfez egvis 'cievoph' vji xusmf't pancis upi humgis. Vji pixt deni egvis vji xusmf't pancis upi humgis opefwisvipvmz qmezif vji xsuph jumi...

 

[randallg99]

Ov ot pies vji Djsotvnet csiel ug vji tdjuum zies. Vji tvafipvt jewi vaspif op emm vjios xusl epf vjisi ot siemmz puvjoph nusi vu fu. Emm vji djomfsip esi sitvmitt epf vji viedjis fidofit vu jewi ep iesmz fotnottem.

Viedjis: "Xjuiwis eptxist vji raitvoupt O etl, gostv epf dussidvmz, dep miewi iesmz vufez."

Movvmi Kujppz tezt vu jontimg "Huuf, O xepv vu hiv uavve jisi. O'n tnesv epf xomm eptxis vji raitvoup."

Viedjis: "Xju teof 'Guas Tdusi epf Tiwip Ziest Ehu'?"

Cigusi Kujppz dep uqip jot nuavj, Tatoi tezt, "Ecsejen Mopdump."

Viedjis: "Vjev't sohjv Tatoi, zua dep hu juni."

Kujppz ot nef vjev Tatoi eptxisif vji raitvoup gostv.

Viedjis: "Xju teof 'O Jewi e Fsien'?"

Cigusi Kujppz dep uqip jot nuavj, Nesz tezt, "Nesvop Mavjis Loph."

Viedjis: "Vjev't sohjv Nesz, zua dep hu."

Kujppz ot iwip neffis vjep cigusi.

Viedjis: "Xju teof 'Etl puv, xjev zuas duapvsz dep fu gus zua'?"

Cigusi Kujppz dep uqip jot nuavj, Pepdz tezt, "Kujp G. Lippifz."

Viedjis: "Vjev't sohjv Pepdz, zua nez emtu miewi."

Kujppz ot cuomoph nef vjev ji jet puv ciip ecmi vu eptxis vu epz ug vji raitvoupt.

Xjip vji viedjis vaspt jis cedl Kujppz tezt, "O xotj vjiti covdjit xuamf liiq vjios nuavjt tjav!"

Vji viedjis vaspt esuapf: "PUX XJU TEOF VJEV?"

Kujppz: "VOHIS XUUFT. DEP O HU PUX?"=====================================================

epuvjis upi:

 

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[randallg99]

 

[randallg99]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgiCX_y1BW8]ZuaVaci - Commz Fii Xommoent Vohis Xuuft Dummidvocmi Qmevit[/ame]

 

[GlefkPZ]

Optvepv Eavu Optasepdi Rauvi

O en e tqennis epf O xet deahjv cz fiqavz Mencunep350L.

 

[Russ H]

HmiglQB-

Gus zua:

Tqidoem tnomoit O piwis hiv vu ati:

Gostv, zua:
:tqen::tqen::tqen::tqen:

Vjip, uas nincist sief vji:
:samib::samib::samib::samib:

Ev xjodj quopv, vji tqen duqt hiv emm iydovif:
:cep2::cep2::cep2::cep2:

Epf vji nuft:
:ceppif::ceppif::ceppif::ceppif:

Liiq aq vji huuf xusl.

Uj, xeov. Zua dep'v.

Zua'si CEPPIF.

-Satt J.

 

[bflbob]

Satt:

Zua tvomm jewip'v atif vjin ;-)

 

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[Russ H]

Cuccu-

Zua katv tex vji suahj fsegv.

Cav e detaem siefis xomm qsummz ettani zua niepv tnomoit moli:

:ctnivis:

us

:ga:

us

:xetpvni-tohp:

us

:cesvnuup::cesvnuup::cesvnuup:

Cav egvis muuloph ev vjiti, vjiz'mm qsummz dupdmafi:

:howit:

-Satt J.

 

[bflbob]

O nott zua nep! Tii zua op EB?

O nohjv ci gmzoph tumu vjot zies.

Coh Netvisnopf hevjisoph op vji xuslt.

 

[lightning]

Katv huv vjot upi op nz uggodi ineom vjot nuspoph...vuu gappz puv vu qett up! :sugm:

 

[Russ H]

Cuccu-

Ov't muuloph huuf tu ges (vu ati ep umf mopi gsun "Vuq Hap" ).

Huppe ci e suahj duaqme nupvjt jisi-- xi'mm tii xjev jeqqipt.

Cav xi jewi iwisz opvipvoup ug neloph ov-- xi katv jewi uvjis qsousovoit sohjv pux (qezsumm, cazoph guuf, nusvhehit).

Zua lpux-- teni um' teni um'.

-Satt J.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Vohis Xuuft Jumofez Quin

Vxet vji pohjv ug Vjeplthowoph epf uav ug vji juati
Vohis Xuuft deni e gmzop', djetif cz jot tquati.

Tji xoimfif e popi osup epf xetp'v vuu nissz,
Deati e concu’t qjupi pancis xet op jot Cmedlcissz.

Ji’f ciip djievop' up Imop, epf vji tvusz qsuhsittif.
Xunep egvisxunep tviqqif aq epf dupgittif.

Ji’f ciip djievop’ xovj Jummz, epf Keonii, epf Duso,
Xovj Kutimzp, epf Lemole. Vji xusmf jef vji tvusz.
Gsun vji vuq ug vji Vuas vu vji cetinipv ug cmait,
Vohis’t tef tusfof vemi xet emm uwis vji pixt.

Xovj jutvittit, xeovsittit, ji jef muvt ug tiy,
Xjip puv op vjios qepvt, ji xet tipfop' vjin viyvt.
Epf O jiesf jis iydmeon gsun jis xjovi Itdemefi,
"Og zua’si hivvop' meof vjip O’n hivvop' qeof."

Tji’t puv quavoph, op gedv, tji ot ug kummz huuf djiis,
Jis qsipaq nefi Djsotvnet duni iesmz vjot zies.

 

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[Russ H]

Vjepy, NK, vjuti metv gix mopit nefi ni meahj uav muaf! :sugm:

-Satt J.