Jokes

[razda]

here are two jokes that my son came home with a couple of days ago,

why are womens feet smaller that mens.....

so the can stand closer to the stove

and

want to hear a joke? . . . womens wrights

 

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[Russ H]

here are two jokes that my son came home with a couple of days ago,

why are womens feet smaller that mens.....

so the can stand closer to the stove

and

want to hear a joke? . . . womens wrights

What country do you live in Razda?

Neither of those would be considered funny in my part of the world!

-Russ H.

 

[Gaulkin]

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?


A drummer





How do you get the drummer off of your porch?


Pay him for the pizza

As a drummer i do not find this offensive.

 

[Russ H]

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?


A drummer





How do you get the drummer off of your porch?


Pay him for the pizza

As an ex-pizza driver, I do not find this offensive, either.

-Russ H.

 

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[Anon3587x]

What country do you live in Razda?

Neither of those would be considered funny in my part of the world!

-Russ H.

It really depends who you tell the joke to Russ hahah.

 

[Guest3722A]

And now that I think about it, as a drummer and an ex pizza delivery guy, I offended myself! wtf!

And on top of that, it was a guitarist who told me those jokes! (it figures)

 

[kurtyordy]

As a drummer i do not find this offensive.

As an ex-pizza driver, I do not find this offensive, either.

-Russ H.

As a pizza buyer, I am deeply offended to find out that there have been drummers on my porch.

 

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[Guest3722A]

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?



Neither did I






What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?




Homeless


:smx1:

 

[Guest3722A]

You might be a B & B owner...



If you have a 5000 square foot home and you live in 500 square foot of it

If it's been six months since you opened a new roll of toilet paper or bar of soap for yourself

If you tend to refer to folks by their room names instead of their given names

If you make a belly-buster breakfast every day, but never eat it

If your partner can "Name That Story" as soon as you start it

If people usually ask what you used to do... when you used to work

If all your free time falls between noon and three

If finding someone else's lace panties isn't grounds for divorce

If you're regularly asked to predict the weather three months in advance

If your water and electrical usage exceeds that of a small nation

If stain removal is an art

If there are written instructions anywhere in your home (and you don't have teenagers)

If you consistently vacuum your way backwards out of a room

If people pay you to take your picture

If, when you're out for dinner, you order dessert and then find yourself figuring out how to duplicate it for breakfast

If you have named or numbered your bedrooms

If pictures of your bedrooms are displayed on the internet

If the recycling guy thinks you have an orange juice addiction

If there are five copies of every magazine in your house

If you have ever given instructions to anyone about how to use any plumbing fixture in your bathroom

If you find yourself explaining, once a week, what a grit is.

If you're used to 'talking them in' and you're not an air traffic controller

If you have at least one backup bedspread, four coffee pots and yours is the only house on the block where Sysco stops

If people pay to sleep in your bed and your profession isn't THAT old

If you can make three varieties of stuffed French toast in your sleep with one hand tied behind your back

If your new Neptune is more exciting than your new car

If your favorite fantasies are about competent cleaning help and a good nap

If "No Vacancy" can prevent your mother-in-law from visiting

 

[Russ H]

For this, I thank you.

Read it to my wife as she was heading off to bed-- and we both laughed at how true many of them are!

-Russ H.

(who once was a famous screening room designer, "back when I used to work")

 

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[Russ H]

You might be a B & B owner if...

... you have a 5000 square foot home and you live with the paint cans in a corner of the basement.

(this was true, 4.5 years ago, when we were remodeling the innkeeper's quarters)

-Russ H.

 

[Russ H]

You might be a B & B owner if...

. . . people pay to sleep in your bed and your profession isn't THAT old

Actually, there's a story at least 2000 years old about some innkeepers who let a young Jewish couple stay with them when their inn was full (the gal was very pregnant).

OK, enough self indulgent derailment. I realize I'm probably the only person who has enjoyed the last few posts. I do appreciate it.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled jokes . . .

-Russ H.

 

[Guest3722A]

[video]http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7107529[/video]

Local Trader

 

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[Guest3722A]

I was telling my friend the other day that my dog was really intelligent.

"OK, then, show me," he said.

So I pointed my finger at him as if it were a gun, and went: "BANG!"

"What does that prove?" asked my friend. "He's just sitting there licking his balls."

"Exactly," I said. "He knows he isn't really dead"

 

[Guest3722A]

Google turned 12 today which means we only have one year left to use it.

When it becomes a teenager it wont answer anything.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Old, vintage ads...

Kinda hard to watch the movie after your eyes have been poked out.

 

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[Guest3722A]

I can't even imagine the torque she got from swinging a tennis racket !

 

[AJ.]

Kinda hard to watch the movie after your eyes have been poked out.

Movie?
What movie?

 

[Guest3722A]

 

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[Guest3722A]

My wife has been missing now for over a week, and the police have told me to prepare for the worst.

So I went to the Salvation Army to get all her clothes back.

 

[SuccessInMind]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

 

[SuccessInMind]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one-hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says slowly: "Paint…my…house."

 

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[Guest3722A]

 

[Guest3722A]

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?




Fo' drizzle.

 

[Guest3722A]

 

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[JayKim]

Slowlane gurus

 

[MJ DeMarco]

[video=youtube;PTUY16CkS-k]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTUY16CkS-k [/video]

 

[SuccessInMind]

 

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[Guest3722A]

 

[SuccessInMind]

Hey guys, did you hear about the deaf guy who was sentenced to 20 years in prison?

I guess they gave him a bad hearing!