The Art Of Conversation

[Andy Black]

Someone asked for tips about becoming a better conversationalist.

I'll start by saying I wasn't always a good conversationalist, and was in fact excruciatingly shy in school and college.

I got better as I got older, and especially when I realised everyone is in their own little bubble where they mostly only care about their own hopes, dreams, and fears.

I realised no-one cares about me in particular, but most people are friendly. So if I say a cheery "How's it going?" as a greeting when I walk past people then they often say hello back.

Getting over yourself and not thinking about yourself helps a lot, and this makes everything in life and business easier too.

Getting comfortable with small talk can help you get started.

You can practice small talk in shops and with waiters who are often surprised people speak *to* them. Give them something to latch onto that's easy to answer.

A cheery "How's it going? Nearly the weekend eh?" to someone on a till could have them saying "Yeah, roll on Saturday!" or "Yeah, but I still have to work this weekend." Then you can mumble in agreement and the exchange is over. The trick is to not overdo the conversation or force it when it's not going anywhere. Take the cue from them. Some are relieved to speak to someone and will then say something to keep the conversation going. Some won't and that's ok. You could have brightened up someone's day by just being a friendly face ... and never underestimate the effect this could have.

As for conversations themselves... make it about *them*. I believe every person alive is passionate something and also stressed or worried about something. My job is not to ferret either out, but that belief makes me observe and listen more closely.

Active listening is the most important part of being a good conversationalist. As the saying goes, "To be interesting be interested."

Other ways to get good is to talk to older people. They figured a lot of this out and are happy to give others the limelight.


Conversation and communication was brought up in a recent call. I believe it was somewhere in the middle? I'll find the timestamp later.

Here's that call:

NOTABLE! - MEETUPS - [TFLF Call Replay] - For teens & students getting started

Hi all. @Lawtiti (who changed his forum name to @Chet Shen) created a Meetup Thread a few days ago and had a Zoom call with @ZCP who gave advice on getting started etc. I offered to do a Zoom where I'll go through some of the main things I think holds people back when getting started, and how...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

And here's a chat with @xShepherdx about (my thoughts on) the role of conversation in business and sales:

MARKETING - A chat about selling marketing services

@xShepherdx posted last week about his frustrations hiring a marketing freelancer. We've never spoken but I offered to hop on a call and chat about it. If you watch then please add your notes and I'll add them to this opening post. What's your takeaways? What will you do different going...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

Curious what your thoughts and advice are.

 

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[Artiom O]

Someone asked for tips about becoming a better conversationalist.

I'll start by saying I wasn't always a good conversationalist, and was in fact excruciatingly shy in school and college.

I got better as I got older, and especially when I realised everyone is in their own little bubble where they mostly only care about their own hopes, dreams, and fears.

I realised no-one cares about me in particular, but most people are friendly. So if I say a cheery "How's it going?" as a greeting when I walk past people then they often say hello back.

Getting over yourself and not thinking about yourself helps a lot, and this makes everything in life and business easier too.

Getting comfortable with small talk can help you get started.

You can practice small talk in shops and with waiters who are often surprised people speak *to* them. Give them something to latch onto that's easy to answer.

A cheery "How's it going? Nearly the weekend eh?" to someone on a till could have them saying "Yeah, roll on Saturday!" or "Yeah, but I still have to work this weekend." Then you can mumble in agreement and the exchange is over. The trick is to not overdo the conversation or force it when it's not going anywhere. Take the cue from them. Some are relieved to speak to someone and will then say something to keep the conversation going. Some won't and that's ok. You could have brightened up someone's day by just being a friendly face ... and never underestimate the effect this could have.

As for conversations themselves... make it about *them*. I believe every person alive is passionate something and also stressed or worried about something. My job is not to ferret either out, but that belief makes me observe and listen more closely.

Active listening is the most important part of being a good conversationalist. As the saying goes, "To be interesting be interested."

Other ways to get good is to talk to older people. They figured a lot of this out and are happy to give others the limelight.


Conversation and communication was brought up in a recent call. I believe it was somewhere in the middle? I'll find the timestamp later.

Here's that call:

NOTABLE! - MEETUPS - [TFLF Call Replay] - For teens & students getting started

Hi all. @Lawtiti (who changed his forum name to @Chet Shen) created a Meetup Thread a few days ago and had a Zoom call with @ZCP who gave advice on getting started etc. I offered to do a Zoom where I'll go through some of the main things I think holds people back when getting started, and how...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

And here's a chat with @xShepherdx about (my thoughts on) the role of conversation in business and sales:

MARKETING - A chat about selling marketing services

@xShepherdx posted last week about his frustrations hiring a marketing freelancer. We've never spoken but I offered to hop on a call and chat about it. If you watch then please add your notes and I'll add them to this opening post. What's your takeaways? What will you do different going...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

Curious what your thoughts and advice are.

Yeah, it's true that small talk helps you get started. You're also starting to get noticed by others more too.

As a side effect, people get more interested in YOU.

 

[Lyzmin]

Quality content again Andy, thanks!

"To be interesting be interested."

Strong quote and so true.

Recent example. This week is my first week at the Freezlab (experiment of going daily).
Every time I go there I'm ten minutes early to see if I can strike up a brief conversation with someone.

So far a few people who didn't really respond (got the message).
Others who enthusiastically tell me about the benefits the experience from cryotherapy.

Asking more questions and being an active listener really helps.

 

[Braun]

Active listening is the most important part of being a good conversationalist. As the saying goes, "To be interesting be interested."

Thanks for sharing this Andy.
As someone who lost hearing on one side I can say that I now pay more attention to who and what I listen to and realize that some people are surprised that I actually listen to them.

 

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[Guest-5ty5s4]

Some people will hate this, find it cliche, or incredibly dorky, but Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," in my opinion, is the ultimate resource on becoming a great conversationalist, networker, and of course, forger of friendships. It's also very helpful for dating.

Best tip from the book: say people's names when speaking to them. Everyone loves hearing their name.

The other is to ask them questions...and then shut up.

 

[AppleTree]

I think I've heard this trick somewhere online but try talking to old people! They usually have less contact with people and are more willing to engage in a conversation with a complete stranger. Since they're older, they often have more wisdom and you can engage in very interesting conversations with them.

 

[BellaPippin]

The easiest way is to be curious! Just like you, Andy, mentioned in the call how you find people interesting, taking the same interest and asking them questions, small or big, will drive any conversation, at least for a while!

Ask open ended questions, i.e. the ones you can’t answer with a simple yes or no.

Take the pressure off speaking and listen instead, as they answer your questions, and dig deeper.

Every now and then, if you related to something they said, go ahead and share your story.

Genuine compliments go a long way too.

 

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[Raedrum]

100% accurate I've always been a good conversationnalist and it get better with age.

The trick is indeed to talk about them. People are so self-centered and active listening is so rare nowadays that just being able to listen make them deliver you their life, their secrets, everything.

Even strangers, it is scary in fact.

Now if you have a little culture about everything and can bounce on what they're saying, brbrbrbrb you gonna get everything on everyone and make a damn lot of friends.

 

[Lex DeVille]

100% accurate I've always been a good conversationnalist and it get better with age.

The trick is indeed to talk about them. People are so self-centered and active listening is so rare nowadays that just being able to listen make them deliver you their life, their secrets, everything.

Even strangers, it is scary in fact.

Now if you have a little culture about everything and can bounce on what they're saying, brbrbrbrb you gonna get everything on everyone and make a damn lot of friends.

Showing the slightest signs of interest now wakes people up from the sleep of life. It's strange to see it in person. Recently, I've watched minor gestures of attention create total transformations in complete strangers.

Attention, interest, listening, gratitude, love, strong values... They're foreign concepts today (which makes them more powerful than ever).