Diego Liu
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*** 4 years ago, as I was a high school senior ***
Dad: Doctors earn a lot of money, command respect, and save people's lives. It's the best career out there. Me: But I don't want to become a doctor! I like math and want to become an engineer, Dad.
Dad: Silly you. You'll just become a cog in the wheel in big companies. Engineers work overtime and get stressed out. As a doctor, you can do whatever you want in your free time.
Me: SO WHAT? I DON'T LIKE IT! What fun is spending 1/3 of your life wearing a mask in a tiny room, meeting patients after patients? Why didn't you become one yourself if you like it so much?
Dad: You think I was as lucky as you? You should be grateful. Millions of students are busting their asses off for years and still can't get into medical school.
Me: That's THEIR problem. I don't like it.
Dad: I know how you feel, but you'll thank me in 10 years. Trust me.
Me: Well, I...
Dad: All right, you can go do whatever you want. Just know that we won't be paying for any of your living costs or tuition!
Me: .....
AND SO I DID.
That's a typical everyday argument I had with my parents back in high school.
Long story short, I studied Dentistry for 3 years in Taiwan, dropped out 3 months ago, and have been working full-time remotely for an influencer I've always looked up to since then.
You can check out my full story here if you're interested (INSIDERS only):
Got A Remote Job, Dropped Out Of Dentistry, Moved Out, Shaved Bald, And Dropped 40 LBS IN 6 WEEKS
Though I haven't achieved any kind of Fastlane success yet, as far as shaking off my parents' shackles and expectations goes (as an Asian), I've gained quite some useful insights.
Particularly if you're a college or high school student walking down a path your parents made for you that you don't want, here I show you the door out of hell. But do you have the guts to walk through it? Let's find out.
Why Are They So F*cked Up? 3 Primary Causes
1. Ego
Enough said. Imagine that smug smile when your mommy says to her friends, "My son is in his 3rd year of Dentistry now."
I've had the misfortune of having to witness it many times and feel utterly sick of it.
And then her friends pay their "wow" and secure a future discount with you. *eye-rolls*
2. Ownership/Protection
Though I'm not a parent myself, it's understandable that parents have a sense of ownership over the child they've spent 18-20 years and likely millions of dollars raising.
They want what they think is best for you. They don't give a sh*t about your ambition/fulfillment as they just want to make sure you can keep your bellies full.
They think keeping you comfortable makes you happy... just as when you were a baby.
3. They'd Rather Be RIGHT Than See You Succeed
Believe it or not, your parents are likely afraid of your success.
- Their best-case scenario: You follow exactly what your parents tell you, live happily, and thank them heartily.
- Their 2nd-best scenario: You plow your own path, fail, and eventually crawl back under their wings and follow the path they set for you. "See, I told you so, but you refused to listen. Now look at you"
- Their worst-case scenario: You plow your own path and become successful. Imagine what a slap in their face that will be, being the ones who tried to stifle you while you went your own way.
So What Should I Do Then? 1 ABSOLUTE DON'T & 2 ABSOLUTE DO'S
ABSOLUTELY DON'T...
...do what I did at the beginning of this post: argue with them.
Better yet, don't even DISCUSS any of your visions with them.
Seriously, what's that gonna accomplish?
Even if they're fully on board with your ambitious goals, will that exempt you from going through the inevitable grind?
If you're determined to make it happen, how can two persons' opinions weigh any resistance on you?
The act of arguing with them and trying to "convert" them comes from 3 common mindsets destined for failure:
1. Looking for an excuse/fallback
Deep down, you know that every second you waste on elaborating your "master plan" to them is a second you can use to actually make sh*t happen.
But you still choose to waste your time nonetheless. Why?
You don't want it bad enough. You love the possibility of autonomy and working for yourself, but you aren't willing to pay the price.
Instead of taking action and failing forward, it's much easier to get drunk on a Saturday night and tell your buddy, "You know, I have this Uber-successful app idea that will make me a millionaire rockstar, but I can't do it because my parents want me to become a doctor. Poor me."
2. Still seeking your parents' approval
Becoming an independent being doesn't happen automatically when you turn 18 or 20.
This process can be particularly tough if you still live at home or have traditional Asian parents (Chinese have a virtue called "filial piety," 「孝順」literally meaning "obeying your parents).
However, just ask yourself, "Is pleasing my parents worth sacrificing my life doing what I hate?"
3. Feeling entitled to their financial support
ABSOLUTELY DO...
...become financially independent.
If you're still a high school student under your parents' custody, maybe you still have to wait a few years to take full control of this.
But if you're a legal adult in your country, you have absolutely no excuse.
When you can stand on your own two feet, nobody, not even your parents, can stop you from doing any non-criminal activity.
If that means dropping out of Medical school to work a minimum-wage job and downgrade your lifestyle, then so be it.
Once you're able to do that, then...
ABSOLUTELY DO...
...TELL them the truth.
TELL them you feel miserable envisioning yourself walking down the current path years down the line.
TELL them you have zero interest in memorizing "corpus spongiosum" or working in a "more elegant prison cell."
TELL them you appreciate everything they've sacrificed for you, but now it's time for you to go out on your own to serve them back later.
TELL them you're not asking for their permission. Whether they like it or not, you're now taking over the driver seat.
AND END IT AT THAT.
Whatever their reaction is, don't engage.
If you know their anger issues, don't do it face-to-face. Pre-record a video and send it to them. That's exactly what I did.
When I told my parents about my decision to drop out, my dad threw a temper tantrum. He called me ungrateful and unrealistic and even went as far as threatening to sue me if I didn't pay him back the millions of dollars he spent raising me up.
It broke my heart, but I have to move on. Now, he's still mad (but hasn't sued me). Luckily, my mom has come around and even become a fan of my work.
I'm now living on my own, 100% self-sufficient, and even sending my parents a check every month, and my mom thanks me for taking some burden off their shoulders.
Unfortunately, for my dad to come around, I know I'll have to make some F.U. money. This is reality. RESULTS are all that matter.
I want that day to come soon, but I'm not trying to win his approval and contradicting myself with a point I outlined above. However, it does stoke the fire within me.
Here are some videos I'd watched repeatedly during this struggle. John from Bulldog Mindset is amazing. Had it not been for him, I surely wouldn't have broken free from the chains:
Back in high school, I seriously thought of standing on the edge of my 21-story building's rooftop to threaten my parents into letting me study engineering. I'm glad I didn't do that and figured this out gradually, but I'm also jealous of any of you who are now in my past shoes reading this.
I remember lying in bed, feeling like a failure, and listening Numb by Linkin Park on loop and moving on to It's My Life by Bon Jovi for months before my decision. My mom pushed back on me to see if I was for real; I'm glad I stood my ground.
It's my honor to share these invaluable lessons with you. If you're currently struggling with this, I wish you the best in achieving this milestone success before your Fastlane success.
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