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Andy Black

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What if one day he decides to expand his business, creates a new line of products that cater to the same market segment as you, ie: expanding horizontally? The knife will be coming from the back....
Helping folks and building win-win relationships has brought better results for me than worrying about bad eggs.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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B. Cole

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I had a buddy stop by today, after me not returning his call after a few hours. He just wanted to chit chat, but I was busy catching up on weeding my yard while back and forth with my manufacturer and a potential supplier, so my head was not in the same space as his. I’m absolutely infatuated with getting my business off the ground and it’s hard to separate from it mentally and talk to “normal people”.

He was proud to announce that he wants to lift his truck higher than it is, so he’s selling off some stuff so he can do it. He’s been struggling financially from a recent divorce, so I’m busy judging his decisions while he’s explaining this to me, looking for approval. Being one to normally live and let live, I oblige the conversation again as I scratch and peck at my landscape. Not rude, but not totally engaged - in the background, I’m thinking about my business.

He then went into talking about game of thrones, talking about the heat of the scenes and asking me if I watch it. Again, I’m mentally not engaged. I’m notoriously anti - TV, have been all my life. Something about spending time watching other people, especially fictional people and stories, actually kind of pisses me off, it makes me feel wasteful of my very finite time. (I know this may get me flack, given posts above). I’d be just fine without a TV or cable/Netflix, but my wife is a different story.

So it seems I’ve gotten pretty sterile in some of my friendships. Anybody else experiencing this? Life is meant to be lived, to experience, but a lot of my interactions with others seem unsatisfying. It’s like if it doesn’t stimulate some kind of growth or value for one of us in the conversation, I don’t appreciate it.

A little sad actually - just not sure if for me or them. I don’t want to be the a**hole that drifts away from all his friends, but I don’t know if I can help it. I notice that I’m a lot more judgmental now as a serious entrepreneur.

Perhaps this will fade as the intensity from startup levels out?
 

Andy Black

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I had a buddy stop by today, after me not returning his call after a few hours. He just wanted to chit chat, but I was busy catching up on weeding my yard while back and forth with my manufacturer and a potential supplier, so my head was not in the same space as his. I’m absolutely infatuated with getting my business off the ground and it’s hard to separate from it mentally and talk to “normal people”.

He was proud to announce that he wants to lift his truck higher than it is, so he’s selling off some stuff so he can do it. He’s been struggling financially from a recent divorce, so I’m busy judging his decisions while he’s explaining this to me, looking for approval. Being one to normally live and let live, I oblige the conversation again as I scratch and peck at my landscape. Not rude, but not totally engaged - in the background, I’m thinking about my business.

He then went into talking about game of thrones, talking about the heat of the scenes and asking me if I watch it. Again, I’m mentally not engaged. I’m notoriously anti - TV, have been all my life. Something about spending time watching other people, especially fictional people and stories, actually kind of pisses me off, it makes me feel wasteful of my very finite time. (I know this may get me flack, given posts above). I’d be just fine without a TV or cable/Netflix, but my wife is a different story.

So it seems I’ve gotten pretty sterile in some of my friendships. Anybody else experiencing this? Life is meant to be lived, to experience, but a lot of my interactions with others seem unsatisfying. It’s like if it doesn’t stimulate some kind of growth or value for one of us in the conversation, I don’t appreciate it.

A little sad actually - just not sure if for me or them. I don’t want to be the a**hole that drifts away from all his friends, but I don’t know if I can help it. I notice that I’m a lot more judgmental now as a serious entrepreneur.

Perhaps this will fade as the intensity from startup levels out?
Your friend just went through a divorce and has financial difficulties. Maybe he’s feeling down and doesn’t quite know how to help himself? Maybe he doesn’t want you to tell him he should raise his truck, but wants you to ask him if that’s the smart thing to do when he’s low on funds?

I get less judgemental the older I get, but more inclined to speak my mind (if I think it will help someone).
 

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Your friend just went through a divorce and has financial difficulties. Maybe he’s feeling down and doesn’t quite know how to help himself? Maybe he doesn’t want you to tell him he should raise his truck, but wants you to ask him if that’s the smart thing to do when he’s low on funds?

I get less judgemental the older I get, but more inclined to speak my mind (if I think it will help someone).
This. The fact that he just came by when you didn't respond is a pretty dead giveaway. The only people I've ever had show up after I didn't answer their calls are angry girlfriends, people that need money, and depressed friends. BSing for a few minutes with a friend might just be what he needs to feel normal. Might also be secretly wanting you to talk him out of the truck lift.

That said, the fact that you can and should actively choose your friends is an idea I'm still coming to grips with myself. I tell myself it's un-empathetic, but sometimes I have the sneaking suspicion I'm just using empathy as an excuse to not be proactive.
 

B. Cole

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Your friend just went through a divorce and has financial difficulties. Maybe he’s feeling down and doesn’t quite know how to help himself? Maybe he doesn’t want you to tell him he should raise his truck, but wants you to ask him if that’s the smart thing to do when he’s low on funds?

I get less judgemental the older I get, but more inclined to speak my mind (if I think it will help someone).
This. The fact that he just came by when you didn't respond is a pretty dead giveaway. The only people I've ever had show up after I didn't answer their calls are angry girlfriends, people that need money, and depressed friends. BSing for a few minutes with a friend might just be what he needs to feel normal. Might also be secretly wanting you to talk him out of the truck lift.

That said, the fact that you can and should actively choose your friends is an idea I'm still coming to grips with myself. I tell myself it's un-empathetic, but sometimes I have the sneaking suspicion I'm just using empathy as an excuse to not be proactive.
Good perspective guys - much thanks. We did chat and hang out for a minute, laughed and then he was off to do his thing, I just felt a little disengaged to the situation. As mentioned, I don’t want to be the a**hole that abandons his slowlane friends just because I perceive things differently than I did a short while ago, and should be mindful of their perceptions and needs. I need to spend more time being human and engaging friends more, they’ve definitely been supportive and engaging with me.

Great convo, rep+. You guys are awesome as usual.
 

ZCP

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What if one day he decides to expand his business, creates a new line of products that cater to the same market segment as you, ie: expanding horizontally? The knife will be coming from the back....
seems to be a negative mindset / limited thinking......... you are better together than apart ...... or @amp0193 can just buy him (or get bought out)
 

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So it seems I’ve gotten pretty sterile in some of my friendships. Anybody else experiencing this? Life is meant to be lived, to experience, but a lot of my interactions with others seem unsatisfyin
Ya, at times we all have probably been there. We are excited and involved in our own creative endeavors and if our friends don't identify with it, then it is hard to relate due to not having as much in common any more. Similar to being single with no kids and then all of a sudden getting married with a rugrat on the way. We just don't identify with each other as much.

Try to imagine if you yourself was in his situation. The dude has just finished going through a divorce and for many, one of the most emotionally draining periods of one's life. Imagine if you had gone through that. Your world would most likely turn upside down to some extent. So he is depressed. What do many people do when depressed?

Self medicate. Either shopping, eating, drinking, drugging or sleeping with everyone and anyone. So he is self medicating by buying an expensive lift kit that he really can't afford, hoping it will make him feel better.

He probably looks to you and your life as stable, and most likely has great respect for you.

He values you not only as a friend, but most likely your opinion. It is times like these that we all need a friend the most.

We all want to create value in other's lives with products.
Sometimes the greatest VALUE we can provide is taking the time to listen and perhaps give back a bit of wisdom to those that are in our lives.


We all have life moments where we struggle.
And we all need that person to just kick some rocks with, or bounce an idea or feelings off of or once in awhile even a shoulder to lean on when it's dark all around.

We all need to practice being human.

And to develop a bit of empathy.

It can be very sterile at the top when one has 'made it' without friends around to live life with...

Humanity is being friend-ly.
 

Andy Black

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We all want to create value in other's lives with products.
Sometimes the greatest VALUE we can provide is taking the time to listen and perhaps give back a bit of wisdom to those that are in our lives.
If you have kids you know this to be true. (If you *were* a kid you know this to be true!)

Often, attention is the greatest gift we can give.

Rep for the wise words, and nicely said.
 

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ZCP

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He’s been struggling financially from a recent divorce
.....
He came by after you ignored him. He needs you.
Put the F*cking yard tools down and spend some time with him.
Dudes rarely ask for help ..... when they do .... BE THERE!!

I challenge you to call (not txt) him right now and apologize for being a self centered a$$ hat and offer to buy him some wings and just talk.
 

ZCP

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Just to keep going ....... buddy of mine was in the same spot ....doing a lot better now ..... told me the other day that me spending time with him just playing guitars (when i was super busy and didn't have time for it) kept him from just ending it that day .......

was in church the other day .... priest told a story, he got a call from a buddy in that same spot. He was tired from a long day and brushed him off. buddy is no longer here. he charged us to step up in that spot and be there......

life is F*cking hard sometimes. start looking around and seeing who you can be there for.......
 

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Just to keep going ....... buddy of mine was in the same spot ....doing a lot better now ..... told me the other day that me spending time with him just playing guitars (when i was super busy and didn't have time for it) kept him from just ending it that day .......

was in church the other day .... priest told a story, he got a call from a buddy in that same spot. He was tired from a long day and brushed him off. buddy is no longer here. he charged us to step up in that spot and be there......

life is F*cking hard sometimes. start looking around and seeing who you can be there for.......
Thanks for being there when people need you. Whatever you do for them, I'm sure it's deeply appreciated.
Keep going.

I don't know where I would be if people around me wouldn't have been as receptive as they were the last few months.
 

Zcott

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Friday night! TGIF!

Sat at home working. Anyone else?
 

Zcott

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Just to keep going ....... buddy of mine was in the same spot ....doing a lot better now ..... told me the other day that me spending time with him just playing guitars (when i was super busy and didn't have time for it) kept him from just ending it that day .......
Wow... That's pretty rough. You are a good friend.
 

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He came by after you ignored him. He needs you.
Put the F*cking yard tools down and spend some time with him.
Dudes rarely ask for help ..... when they do .... BE THERE!!

I challenge you to call (not txt) him right now and apologize for being a self centered a$$ hat and offer to buy him some wings and just talk.
It’s only fair to keep the context accurate though - the divorce was almost 2 years ago, it was very mutual and they had been separated for quite some time in secret, they simply shook hands and parted ways because they had both become uninterested. His financial status is akin to a guy being single again, and having to adjust to playing as he used to do, only now on a single income - she was the heavier income generator. He’s a very happy guy with a lot going on, just in a different direction than I. They were both very spendy, his habit is to lift a truck per year, get tired of it, sell it and start over. I used to do the same :playful:

I stopped by his place on my way home and shot the shit for awhile, we joked around and laughed like dweebs as always. Made some plans for the summer - there’s a catfishing tournament next Saturday, he has to work and can’t go but I’m trying to get him to come hang out at the Marina after work. He was selling his ex’s boat, I managed to hook him up with someone in the market for such a boat, they made a deal and the day closed out nice.

Currently waiting on my IMac to finish updating so I can continue making an ad.

@ZCP - Giving me sh*t ain’t free ya know. What’s the deal with Santa Monica soap, you get bought by Johnson and Johnson yet or what? Chop f’n chop! :kiss:
 

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Randon thoughts and rant on how the script has a massive hold on society.

Was at a party last week for grand final day, if your not from Australia you won't get it.

Was speaking to one of my lady friends about investing business etc, we got talking she asked if I read the barefoot investor.

I said is it another ETF circle jerk?

She said no its about a guy who was broke in his 30s and turned it around. I said did he turn it around from writing the book?

She said oh I think he made a bit from the book but Yada Yada.

I started to speak about fastlane ideas indirectly, about having a product or service people want and need making it run seperate of my time eventually so I am no longer a slave like everyone else

She says well you'll need to go get a business degree for that and basically told me it wasn't possible....

I left it there and just said yeh I could tell she was just so defeated alive but not living.

The script has a great hold so glad I've taken the red pill.
I’ve been there before!

It’s good to know that i not the only one who has these frustrating conversations

Barefoot investor is actually a decent financial book for most people. I joined one of the barefoot Facebook groups. It’s mostly Aussie battlers with a scarcity mindset and no self control. The book has taught financial discipline to a lot of people. Most people won’t connect with MJ’s work. Plenty of people have though. It’s good to see you all here!
 
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So it seems I’ve gotten pretty sterile in some of my friendships. Anybody else experiencing this? Life is meant to be lived, to experience, but a lot of my interactions with others seem unsatisfying. It’s like if it doesn’t stimulate some kind of growth or value for one of us in the conversation, I don’t appreciate it.
Dead dreams need to be medicated. Sounds like he's simply wanting to share his drug with you. Friendships should have some mutual interest (regardless of slowlane/fastlane/blah blah). Unfortunately for a lot of folks, that's trivial BS like sports, HBO dramas, or whatever else is medicating their mundanity.

If you have some common interests and are supportive of each other, then it's worth salvaging. Of course the real test is when you start accomplishing things, will he be supportive and congratulatory? Or downtrodden and jealous?

Most people do not grow and expand themselves through life, they stay the same.

Which is why friendships/relationships die.
 

ZCP

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It’s only fair to keep the context accurate though - the divorce was almost 2 years ago
You did fine then. friendships change. evolve your group of friends. See them every now and again and stay on path for your plans.

thats why I'm in skype groups and slack groups w/ fastlaners and other business owners. can't talk about business shit with the sheep. on the other hand, have some other interests too so you can fit in with other groups.

@SteveO has had some great posts about this over the years!

I watched a couple of GOT episodes to spend some time with the girlfriend..... I've now been a part of 4 or 5 conversations with others and understood several news shows
 

ZCP

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@ZCP - Giving me sh*t ain’t free ya know. What’s the deal with Santa Monica soap, you get bought by Johnson and Johnson yet or what? Chop f’n chop! :kiss:
It's being farmed. Along with another amazon business, vending business, etc.
Am focused on growing the engineering company until the youngest graduates in 5 years.
Also still coaching basketball and teaching college labs. Spending time on me, fitness, friends, etc. too.

The oldest is getting interested in making some money again, so he'll be working on them this summer.
 

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I notice that I’m a lot more judgmental now as a serious entrepreneur.
You don't need to keep these friends unless it is your desire. The judgment part has no place in our lives though. It is not easy to stop but serves no purpose.

I judged someone in a post earlier today. There is this this process where I look at ALL emotions and try to recognize what the actual feeling is. Am I angry, hurt, etc... Then I look for why. Am I feeling disrespected, or am I feeling fear, and so on. Finally, I look for why I am reacting the way I am. It is always some automatic reaction that should not have any bearing on my day or whatever is going on in that moment.

Judgement does absolutely nothing for us.

On the other hand, if you are not getting anything from this relationship, then move on.

The part that @ZCP brings up is very valid. If your "friend" is there and talking to you, you should be listening... without judgment. No need to solve all their problems. Just listen.

If it is not possible to do it in the moment, set up a time with them. (Edit: Which I read that you did do)

Everyone has a different reality. They are valid even if different than ours. If you share common interests and enjoy spending time, then keep that enjoyment. If not, keep moving in the directions that you want to go.

My answer here sounds contradictory but it is not.
 
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Zcott

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Actual conversation I had today.

Me: 'You're really smart. Cut out your company and get your money you deserve. You should do freelancing.'

Them: 'Nah, I like having the security.'

Me: '...10 people got fired from your office last month.'

Them: 'Yeah, but...<conversation goes elsewhere>'

Wow. People can't see past the Script.
 
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Catching up...I've never seen GOT. I rarely watch TV at all as I'd much rather read.
My one and only foray into sports betting was highly successful. I won an entire pool simply based on....math. I sat down and literally calculated the likelihood of certain scores happening. Don't tell my friends and family, but I routinely win games by calculating odds. I once mentioned that to someone and they got highly offended that I figured out what they were about to do simply based on math. :)
 

Andy Daniels

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Just a quick note about how the media pushes slowlane living on everyone;

This commercial for 'homes.com' or something, they were showing clips of rich people having a luxurious party in a mansion, having a great time.

It flips to these millennials in a moderately shitty house, fixing it up themselves, "For a more realistic home buying experience, trust us to get it done".


Basically, this advertisement told me not to work for a big house and great lifestyle, but instead settle for a more "realistic" small house like every other slowlaner out there...

Unbelievable.
 

Andy Black

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Catching up...I've never seen GOT. I rarely watch TV at all as I'd much rather read.
My one and only foray into sports betting was highly successful. I won an entire pool simply based on....math. I sat down and literally calculated the likelihood of certain scores happening. Don't tell my friends and family, but I routinely win games by calculating odds. I once mentioned that to someone and they got highly offended that I figured out what they were about to do simply based on math. :)
I did this once for a sport I don’t follow. It was a company fantasy league. Shhh... but I went on the bookies sites and got the odds for each player to score and put the best I could get on my team.
 

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Want some wheels and tires for your car?

Get some used ones for only $13,600! As some one commented on the thread I pulled this photo from, It sucks to be poor.

Did you notice the alignment costs $5 X 78 = $390!
And you can get the same tire at Amazon for the weekly rent price!

60079879_10217322719838128_1859277933550501888_n.jpg
60451377_2738432042851167_2460755315574964224_n.jpg
 
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MJ DeMarco

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biophase

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Which thread? I don't understand what I'm looking at.
It’s advertising to purchase/rent a set of used wheels and tires using weekly payments. The photo was taken from another car forum thread.
 

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Reading the online new recently has me shaking my head at how folks still refuse vaccinations, even with a measles outbreak.

How in the hell do you live in a modern society, and yet not want to enjoy its benefits, especially health?

I can understand people's jive with how artificial modern medicine can be, such as chemo and steroids, but alternative medicine can at times only do so much to protect folks from diseases.

Saw this video which explained aptly why the side-effects of vaccination (if any), may be a lot better than getting the illness itself.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBkVCpbNnkU


Weird about the measles thing though. I thought it was just one of the little childhood illnesses that got solved with just one trip to the doctor and a few weeks...apparently not.
 
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biophase

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Today I called GEICO to cancel my car insurance because I moved over to Allstate which saved me $800 a year. To my surprise the GEICO agent said that he would be able to match the Allstate rate.

So are insurance companies like cable companies now, you threaten to quit and they will give you a lower rate?

When I asked the guy, he said that he has more "quote options" available to him since he's in retention vs. a regular quote agent.
 

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