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How to become a leader?

Kak

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The more I see this thread hanging out in the hot section, the more I see the general idea of this thread as oxymoronic.

Being taught how to lead is following by definition.

The best answer to the question "How do I become a leader?" Is quite simply to start leading. Set an example for those around you. Inside, outside and around your sphere of influence. Respect is earned, not commanded.
 
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ChrisV

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All these answers are just overly complex. The leader of any given group is the one who is the best at whatever activity that needs to be lead.

The chess club is going to be lead by Bobby Fisher. The Ice Skaters are going to be lead by Nancy Carigan. The swim team is going to be lead by Michael Phelps. Narcotics Anonymous is going to be lead by Ike Turner.

The leader is whoever is best at that given activity. The lead hunter isn’t some mediocre hunter, with the better hunters following his lead.

The “leaders” on this forum are the ones who have been through the ringer, and therefore have the best business advice. @biophase , @Kak , @Andy Black , @Vigilante .. MJ

All these guys gain “leadership” status around here because they know what the F*ck they’re talking about. Therefore people look to them for advice.

I mean there’s no paint by numbers method here. There’s no easy way. There are no leadership methods you’re going to read that are going to make you an overnight star and let you skip the line and get VIP tables at all the nightclubs. You have to ride to the top like everyone else. Be the best. Study your trade.

And finally If you’re already in that position and the best in your field, then teach the people under you to be as good as you, or as close as possible, for the betterment of the team.




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jlwilliams

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All these answers are just overly complex. The leader of any given group is the one who is the best at whatever activity that needs to be lead.

The chess club is going to be lead by Bobby Fisher. The Ice Skaters are going to be lead by Nancy Carigan. The swim team is going to be lead by Michael Phelps. Narcotics Anonymous is going to be lead by Ike Turner.

The leader is whoever is best at that given activity. The lead hunter isn’t some mediocre hunter, with the better hunters following his lead.

The “leaders” on this forum are the ones who have been through the ringer, and therefore have the best business advice. @biophase , @Kak , @Andy Black , @Vigilante .. MJ

All these guys gain “leadership” status around here because they know what the f*ck they’re talking about. Therefore people look to them for advice.

I mean there’s no paint by numbers method here. There’s no easy way. There are no leadership methods you’re going to read that are going to make you an overnight star and let you skip the line and get VIP tables at all the nightclubs. You have to ride to the top like everyone else. Be the best. Study your trade.

And finally If you’re already in that position and the best in your field, then teach the people under you to be as good as you, or as close as possible, for the betterment of the team.




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Competence is not the same as leadership. The team of builders isn't always lead by the best carpenter. The fire team isn't necessarily lead by the best rifleman, and so on. While competence does add to the congruity and confidence that people naturally follow, it's not the whole enchilada.

Leadership is a skill set in it's own right, and it's learnable.
 

ChrisV

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You’re right. It’s only around 90%. My mistake.


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Andy Black

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“People listen to experts, they follow leaders.” (Doberman Dan)

I love this quote.

Leaders lead.

They don’t have to be an expert. They don’t have to be be best at what they do. They just have to be in motion, and people have to see they’re in motion.

A person in motion is a powerful thing. It creates a vacuum behind them and people get sucked in and follow.

I’ve created numerous progress threads where I “give myself permission to suck” (Doberman Dan again), and just go for 30 days. I knew jack about Instagram, paid email newsletters, doing selfie style videos, or podcasting.

I got in motion though. And I kept in motion for at least 30 days.

I also documented it - I was seen to be in motion. People followed because they could see I was in motion. So while those progress threads were active I was leading a few people.

I’ve literally put myself in front of camera knowing I’m crap to try and set an example that you just need to start, and keep going.

You can see me making it up as I go along, changing my mind, and trying new things. What you don’t see is me stopping dead at the first obstacle. I stop when I satisfied I’ve broken the back of it.

Get started. Keep going. Do it so others can see. People will follow.

Simple.


Here’s one of my first videos:
 

ChrisV

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That’s all valid, but you have to be good at what you do in order for people to follow you.

there are exceptions and it depends on the industry. For instance the Maestro doesn’t need to be a great flute player. But he does have to have a great understanding of Music in general. A CEO doesn’t have to be a great engineer. But he does need a strong knowledge of his field.

But the leader in any group has to have the most all around competence. There are tons of people jockeying for #1, and of you can’t defend your position, there are plenty of people who would love it. they’re just waiting for you to show incompetence.

Not to make it sound gruesome but #1 is a well sought after position.


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Andy Black

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That’s all valid, but you have to be good at what you do in order for people to follow you.

there are exceptions and it depends on the industry. For instance the Maestro doesn’t need to be a great flute player. But he does have to have a great understanding of Music in general. A CEO doesn’t have to be a great engineer. But he does need a strong knowledge of his field.

But the leader in any group has to have the most all around competence. There are tons of people jockeying for #1, and of you can’t defend your position, there are plenty of people who would love it. they’re just waiting for you to show incompetence.

Not to make it sound gruesome but #1 is a well sought after position.


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I think you’re talking about THE Leader in a certain field.

If you’ve got 5 people following your breadcrumbs, or who’ve pinned their flag to your mast then you’re leading them. That makes you a leader.

Some people followed my progress thread where I tried to do selfie videos, record chats, and other stuff I knew nothing about. I enjoyed documenting how crap and clueless I was at the start. People followed because I was crap and clueless, but knew I’d keep battering at it till I got somewhere.
 
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AstonMartinOne77

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Hey @JohnFuture, @RayAndré

I'm exactly in the same position as you guys. Programmer working for an employer, reading self-development books, working on my character...

I used to just listen. I didn't care where the conversation went. I didn't have a reason, a why, for even being involved in the conversation.

My thoughts as to why I am this way is a whole different story having to do with the family environment I was raised in.

But that's the past, and if I stay that way its by choice.

I choose to improve.

The other day I was in an apartment-complex jacuzzi, chatting with an older guy who just moved here. Well, I realized it was more like was listening to the older guy. He clearly liked talking and was just chatting away. I thought to myself, "Am I really just going to sit here and let this guy talk my ear off?"
No!
So what do I do? I could 1) leave, or 2) engage/steer the conversation myself. At that point I started talking more, asking questions, and contributing my own stories. One thing I realize is you sometimes have to interrupt the other person to do this! You speaking means they're not speaking. You have to accept this and believe your voice is just as (if not more) important than the other person's. Same with your ideas and opinions.

That's one small example. My tone and approach with coworkers and project managers at work has also changed. It can be hard to force yourself to start 1) knowing what you want, and 2) taking ownership of making it happen on such a small level like a conversation or meeting.

But it will be worth it. That's for sure.

I found what you've just said very interesting. I also find myself in this same type of situations sometimes.

When in conversation with someone who just keeps talking without letting me talk, I always prefer the option to leave the conversation as soon as possible as I find that talking with people who are too selfish is very boring and a waste of time.

I also don't like to interrupt the other person because I think it can be disrespectful. As a person, I like to be respectful and leading by example is very effective. Also, why would I want to gain the attention of someone who just isn't interested in me.

Even in conversations of 3-4 people, I don't like to feel that I always need to talk. I actually like to encourage people who talk less to speak up their mind. Listening is very underrated.

@JohnFuture

Concerning your leadership skills, I think the best way to improve upon it is to practice it. Actually, leadership and social skills are not a skill that you just acquire. Its a lifelong commitment that you make to always improve, perfect and fine tune it.

Don't let it be an excuse to slow you down in what you are trying to accomplish. Go ahead with your execution

Good luck
 
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Andy Black

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A few leadership/management thoughts that spring to mind:
  • “Catch them when they’re good.” (Encourage the behavior you want.)
  • “Criticise in private, praise in public.”
  • Tell people what you want done, and why, and let them figure out how.
 
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RayAndré

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When in conversation with someone who just keeps talking without letting me talk, I always prefer the option to leave the conversation as soon as possible as I find that talking with people who are too selfish is very boring and a waste of time.

I also don't like to interrupt the other person because I think it can be disrespectful. As a person, I like to be respectful and leading by example is very effective. Also, why would I want to gain the attention of someone who just isn't interested in me.

Yes, this. Listen, listen, listen, then (maybe) talk.
I've found that if a person speaks a thought/story, then stops, that's an easy time to say something. To agree, to give your thoughts, to tell your story of a similar time.
But what if you don't? What if you let that moment, that silence hang?
Most of the time, THEY will break the silence. Its interesting. Try it.
I find that it helps build my self-control, and reduces my automatic response mechanism.
Reducing this auto-response I think is a key part of leadership.


But, what about when you're in a situation when the person doesn't stop, and you dont want to leave? In my example, I was in the jacuzzi, enjoying and relaxing, with this dude talking and talking.
So I thought, let me try, as an experiment, to start talking more. Yes I'll have to interrupt him. Yes I'll have to take the "spotlight" from him in order to have my own room to speak.
It was an experiment. I think, as a leader, especially when leading yourself, you HAVE to be willing to try new things, see how they worked, then do more or less of that new thing.

I used to be the type of person who would coward out of that kind of situation.
This basic, simple, every day situation was simply a test of me 1) breaking my comfort zone trying things I normally wouldn't, and 2) speaking up for myself (literally!)
 
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Vanesco

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The leader first of all is self-improvementelf, you must lead the team and you need to make decisions that will be useful for everyone.
 

Niptuck MD

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to be a leader you need to be good at judging scenarios-situations, people, personnel the whole entire F*cking picture. Not just a part of it. You need to really have whats called Fingerspitzengefühl is a German term, literally meaning "finger tips feeling" as referenced by many great works. The great military leaders (napoleon, hitler (to an extent), macarthur etc), business leaders (jobs, gates, branson, cuban) possess this with the myriad of issues they face(d). Yes being an expert on one thing is a pathway but there is more awareness, intuition, feelings, analysis and assessments that make a leader overcome all obstacles.
 

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“People listen to experts, they follow leaders.” (Doberman Dan)

I love this quote.

Leaders lead.

They don’t have to be an expert. They don’t have to be be best at what they do. They just have to be in motion, and people have to see they’re in motion.

A person in motion is a powerful thing. It creates a vacuum behind them and people get sucked in and follow.

I’ve created numerous progress threads where I “give myself permission to suck” (Doberman Dan again), and just go for 30 days. I knew jack about Instagram, paid email newsletters, doing selfie style videos, or podcasting.

I got in motion though. And I kept in motion for at least 30 days.

I also documented it - I was seen to be in motion. People followed because they could see I was in motion. So while those progress threads were active I was leading a few people.

I’ve literally put myself in front of camera knowing I’m crap to try and set an example that you just need to start, and keep going.

You can see me making it up as I go along, changing my mind, and trying new things. What you don’t see is me stopping dead at the first obstacle. I stop when I satisfied I’ve broken the back of it.

Get started. Keep going. Do it so others can see. People will follow.

Simple.


Here’s one of my first videos:

This.

Rep to @JohnFuture for asking about the most important skill there is - and for joining a Tostmaster’s club. This will do a ton for your confidence and ability to lead engagements, both large and small.

Early on, demonstrate strong critical thinking and problem solving skills. Exude perseverance and make getting results your top priority, no matter where you work. This will, in a short time, poise you for a leadership position in any organization. From there, consider this:

My background is architectural, I was mostly a carpenter and general contractor. I used the skills I mentioned above, and progressed to the career I am currently in. I lead a team of :

28 Carpenters
25 HVAC Techs/Engineers
25 Electricians/Engineers/Fire Engineers
12 Plumbers
15 Painters
50 Custodial staff
7 StoreKeepers (7,000+ line items in our inventory)
3 Project Managers
2 Exterminators
8 Inspectors
6 Administrative staff

Multiple layers of management in each trade. Annual Operating budget is $25M, maintaining 5M square feet of facilities (almost 700 buildings of all types: Recreation Centers, Fire and Police Stations, Libraries, Administrative Buildings, Pump Stations, etc.) Above me is an Administrator, and reporting to me are the Supervisors of each trade I mentioned.

In this capacity, there is no way myself or anyone else would know each of these trades well enough to perform ground level, play by play decisions. It is my job to employ people I trust to work with me to make decisions. As Andy says, these are my experts. They know their systems inside and out, I know the overall system at an organizational level and the parameters in which we have to operate. I respect their expertise, allow them to make decisions and I support them. Leaders create more leaders.You shouldn’t be in front of the people, as you said, as much as they should be in front of you, confident in where they are going because you’ve empowered them and given them a clear direction.

Early on I challenged them to help me build a vision for our department. We brainstormed, talked about past leadership, evaluated what was working and what wasn’t. We made corrections together that would make life better. I kept my promises to them, but also had to make changes they didn’t like, but understood because some things were prohibitive to our vision that we agreed to pursue. When people are part of the vision, they buy in and will go there with you.

Sometimes they strongly oppose one of my decisions, and we talk about why. Sometimes we just don’t have the resources for what they need, so we’ll work on an alternative. I’ll challenge them to come up with solution, we’ll vet them out. Sometimes they don’t actually need what they think they need, and it takes multiple points of view to realize it. This is the democratic leadership style, one in which the leader shares the decision making with the team. My opinion is that this is the best style, absolutely critical for innovative and developmental processes.

Why and how democratic leadership style is one of the most effective management styles

When you embark on your entrepreneurial venture, you’ll inevitably find things that you cannot do, or that are time prohibitive to learn. As you seek out people to help you and take over certain aspects, make sure you find people that excel in what you need done. This allows you to respect their expertise and employ it to build on your vision.

Be clear, but open minded. Trust them with what you have given them, and keep communication open and often as they work for you. Ask them what they think. Listen to them when they make suggestions, but know you have the final say. Know enough to know right from wrong, and stay true to your end goal.

Hope this helps -
 
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Vanesco

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Becoming a leader is not easy, you need to make your way toward it and work on it. There are different types of leadership and each has its own recommendations.
 

Jessie Hookie

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Hi,

7 steps to becoming a better leader:
1. Follow leaders who you look up to
2. Practice the things that make you uncomfortable
3. Tell yourself every day that you are a leader and believe it!
4. Learn something new about your expertise, industry or niche every day.
6. Read more
7. Build and grow your relationships

Thank you!
 

Jessie Hookie

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7 steps to becoming a better leader

1. Follow leaders who you look up to

There’s no better way to learn how to do something than to find someone else who you admire and who does that thing really well.

2. Practice the things that make you uncomfortable
Anything that makes you uncomfortable will make you stronger and more confident after you’ve achieved it, and building confidence is necessary to become a great leader.

3. Tell yourself every day that you are a leader
If you want to become a better leader, you have to believe that you are a leader and start acting like one.

4. Learn something new about your expertise, industry or niche every day
Do keyword searches for words and phrases that are trending in your world. Once you’ve built a library of great resources to help you consistently learn, you’ll single place you can go for updates relevant to your industry or niche.

5. Gather resources you use and that you would recommend to others
Once you have a strong list of 5 resources or more that you know your followers can benefit from using, create a resources page on your site.

6. Read more
In addition to following leaders who you look up to, and learning something new about your expertise, industry, or niche every day, it’s also important to read!

7. Build and grow your relationships
Building and growing relationships will no doubt help you become a better leader because the more connected you are, and the more people you have to bounce ideas off from and share feedback with, the better off you’ll be.
 
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