Hey Experienced Copywriters!! I need some feedback on my headlines.

[Sahil01]

I'm a beginner in copywriting and I'm currently doing Lex's 15 day challenge.

I have created 3 headlines each for 5 random products for practice and need some expert feedback. Any related advice to my writing or anything else is also welcome.
Here it is :

Headline : The Perfect Charger! No Need to Twist Your Posture Anymore.

b> Charger That Doesn’t Tear When You Bend It? You Got It.

c> No Need To Plug In Your Laptop Every 30 Minutes Anymore.

Product: Laptop Charger​

2) Headline : Smartphone Addiction? Save 10 Years Of Wasted Time And Potential Millions Now.

b> DESTROY THOSE HABITS.

C> Save Time, Earn Money And Gain Control Of Your Life.

Product : The Power of Habit (Book)​

3) Headline : Make Your Face Look Sharp And Mog Everyone.

b> Go From A 4/10 Dweeb To a 9/10 Chad While Protecting Your Eyes.

c> Prevent Forehead Wrinkles (The Easy Way).

Product : Sunglasses​

4) Headline : Gain 1000’s Of Followers And Attract Clients On Autopilot.

b> Want Clients That Pay More And Are Not Annoying? Get On Twitter Today.

c> I’ll Help You Grow To 1000 Followers In 55 Days GUARANTEED (No Prerequisites Needed).

Service : Twitter Growth Consultation​

5) Headline : Guests Go “Dude! Where Did You Get That?” For This Bedsheet.

b> Bedsheet That Will Keep You Warm Like A Heater.

c> Using Sleeping Pills? Throw Them Out. Our Bedsheet Will Make Your Sleep 10x Better Without Side Effects.

Product : Bedsheet​

 

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[Stargazer]

Even if it's a generic product that you just want a one liner for, you really have to understand what it is the consumer actually wants.

Looking at the book you referenced on Amazon I doubt the author came up with that title or the by line. I suspect all the chapter titles would be similar. Maybe you have the book and can see them. A copywriter has. It's very direct in what the books seeks to do and who it is aimed at.

Bedsheets. Nice sets are mainly bought by women and guests and keeping warm isn't really the main thing they are thinking about. It's themselves and their night time bliss.

Sunglasses. Well what on earth is a mog? Some sort of truncated cat? Forehead wrinkles? I don't think so.

Laptop/phone chargers. How are you coming up with posture?

UK TV adverts tend to be 30 seconds. So the Ad agencies are getting straight to the point.

eg Here is a woodstain by a company that is basically the market leader in the UK because of this Advert from decades ago. They're not even saying how great it is over anyone else. Just that 'It does exactly what it says on the tin' which is the company slogan and all a customer wants to know.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7dx2Z9G7Mk


The agency understood the audience.

Dan

 

[Sahil01]

Even if it's a generic product that you just want a one liner for, you really have to understand what it is the consumer actually wants.

Looking at the book you referenced on Amazon I doubt the author came up with that title or the by line. I suspect all the chapter titles would be similar. Maybe you have the book and can see them. A copywriter has. It's very direct in what the books seeks to do and who it is aimed at.

I can't understand what you are trying to say here. Those are just alternative titles I have selected for the book as practice. It isn't clear to me whether you are saying they are good or not.

Bedsheets. Nice sets are mainly bought by women and guests and keeping warm isn't really the main thing they are thinking about. It's themselves and their night time bliss.

Yeah but don't people buy bedsheets that looks good when their guests see it? That may not be THE primary objective but it's definitely up there I think.

For the warm part, I've that targeted for the people who live in areas where it gets very cold in the winter and if the bedsheet can warm their beds, they can get a good night's sleep.

Sunglasses. Well what on earth is a mog? Some sort of truncated cat? Forehead wrinkles? I don't think so.

Ok that Mog part may be a bit stupid. I thought of going rather specific targeting gen-z with that since they will be the only one's who will understand that term.

Forehead wrinkles- I was thinking of connecting them to sun damage and then how sunglasses can protect you from that in the copy.

Laptop/phone chargers. How are you coming up with posture?

If the cord length is too short, your posture needs to suffer if you want to use your system which can cause long term problems. I have targeted that pain point here.

UK TV adverts tend to be 30 seconds. So the Ad agencies are getting straight to the point.

eg Here is a woodstain by a company that is basically the market leader in the UK because of this Advert from decades ago. They're not even saying how great it is over anyone else. Just that 'It does exactly what it says on the tin' which is the company slogan and all a customer wants to know.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7dx2Z9G7Mk

Ok this ad is good but as you said it's a TV ad - they have a lot less time and the visuals do most of the heavylifting, but I do get your point.

The agency understood the audience.

Dan

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

First, congrats on taking action.

More than most people do.

I can't understand what you are trying to say here. Those are just alternative titles I have selected for the book as practice. It isn't clear to me whether you are saying they are good or not.

No, @Stargazer is being polite.

They aren't very good.

BUT -- that's OK. Headlines are the hardest part of copy... and they are responsible for approximately 80% of the sale.

So let's start there: they are super difficult and super important.

Yeah but don't people buy bedsheets that looks good when their guests see it? That may not be THE primary objective but it's definitely up there I think.

For the warm part, I've that targeted for the people who live in areas where it gets very cold in the winter and if the bedsheet can warm their beds, they can get a good night's sleep.

Never assume with copywriting.

The first step to copywriting is not actually writing -- it's research.

You're joining the conversation that's already happening in the prospect's head. To know what that conversation IS, you have to read, investigate, interview, or do whatever you can to find that story.

Ok that Mog part may be a bit stupid. I thought of going rather specific targeting gen-z with that since they will be the only one's who will understand that term.

Forehead wrinkles- I was thinking of connecting them to sun damage and then how sunglasses can protect you from that in the copy.

On the slang: ONLY use slang if you *know* it's going to be effective.

Sunglasses are all ages.

I'm only 38. I have never heard of the word Mog outside of Final Fantasy.

If I don't know what a word is, I feel dumb. If you make me feel dumb -- there's no way in hell I'm going to buy something from you.

If the cord length is too short, your posture needs to suffer if you want to use your system which can cause long term problems. I have targeted that pain point here.

I have never had this problem.
I don't know anyone who has ever had this problem.
I don't think this problem exists.

That's why it's EXTREMELY confusing.

Ok this ad is good but as you said it's a TV ad - they have a lot less time and the visuals do most of the heavylifting, but I do get your point.

You're missing the mark here.

Listen to the copy. Close your eyes. Listen to the words. Better yet, write them out.

The nice part about a physical product is that if you can just show it does what you say it does, you don't have to sell it. BUT you still have to SAY what it does.

You have less than 20 seconds in written copy to get anyone's attention.

Start with some basic headline frameworks.

Rewrite all your headlines in these formats:

1. "How to (Yay) without (Boo)".
2. "Finally, a (product) that (end benefit) without (thing they don't want)."
3. "New (product) that (benefit) better than ever!"

 

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[thecrusher]

Kung Fu Steve has made some great points. It all comes down to research.

Most of your headlines are quite shallow, vague or confusing/complex in describing the promise.

The absolute last thing you want to do is try to be too clever and confuse a reader.

In my experience, great headlines are easy to write when you really understand what the customer wants.

Back in the day, I'd read and group all the reviews, complaints and comments about a product/service/company, after about 1000 of those you get a sense of what people want.

Now, you can get all that done in minutes with AI. Chuck all the reviews into AI and ask it questions. For example:

1. What do people like about this product?
2. What do people dislike about this product?
3. What alternatives have they tried?
4. What did they use before?
5. What did they switch

Research for copywriting is a whole topic in itself.

As a side note. I'd highly recommend grabbing a copy of Cashvertising, it'll help you to spot patterns in great headlines.

 

[MichelleWood]

No offense, some of these headings kind of sound like 'click bait' - the kind that takes you somewhere irrelevant. This makes me not want to read on.

@Stargazer I had to Google what a 'mog' was.

 

[Andy Black]

Search for those products on Google and study the ad headlines, and the headlines of all the organic listings.

Better yet, run some Google Ads with a $5/day or less budget sending people to those products. Create 15 different ad headlines and 4 descriptions per ad and let Google determine which combination and order does best.

 

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[NewManRising]

I ran your copy through AI and asked it to refine it and make it more impactful. Here is what it gave me:

Product: Laptop Charger​

Headline: The Ultimate Charger for Effortless Use!

Subheadline: Say Goodbye to Awkward Twists and Turns.

Body: a) A Charger That Stands Up to Bending? Absolutely.

b) No More Constant Plugging and Unplugging—Keep Your Laptop Powered All Day.

---

Product: The Power of Habit (Book)​

Headline: Break Free from Smartphone Addiction and Reclaim Your Life!

Subheadline: Save Years and Unlock Potential Earnings.

Body: a) Transform Your Habits and Transform Your Life.

b) Save Time, Boost Earnings, and Take Control Now.

---

Product: Sunglasses​

Headline: Elevate Your Look and Shield Your Eyes in Style!

Subheadline: Transform from Ordinary to Extraordinary.

Body: a) Upgrade Your Look from 4 to 10 Instantly.

b) Fight Forehead Wrinkles the Stylish Way.

---

Service: Twitter Growth Consultation​

Headline: Gain Thousands of Followers and Boost Your Client Base Effortlessly!

Subheadline: Attract High-Paying Clients with Ease.

Body: a) Want Clients Who Value Your Work? Start Growing on Twitter Today.

b) Achieve 1,000 Followers in Just 55 Days—Guaranteed.

---

Product: Bedsheet​

Headline: The Bedsheet That Makes Guests Ask, “Where Did You Get This?”

Subheadline: Cozy, Warm, and Sleep-Enhancing.

Body: a) Keep Warm and Comfortable All Night Long.

b) Ditch the Sleeping Pills—Our Bedsheet Enhances Sleep Naturally.