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Having Children...Pros and Cons?

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Jamilyna

New Contributor
Nov 5, 2020
2
4
Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
 
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Jamilyna

New Contributor
Nov 5, 2020
2
4
Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
Hi Jon, I think it is great that you are really considering this. I like the rocking chair test. Imagine you are 90 years old and sitting in your rocking chair. How does your life look from this angle? What do you wish you would have done or have not done. It is a great perspective.

We have 3 children who are grown and they are great friends now. They weren't friends growing up as we were always the parents. It is a joyful and challenging job. I have grown as a person so very much more than I ever would have without kids. Now we have 6 grandkids - talk about joy!

At the same time, It is a challenging job - so you really need to want it. Please don't have kids if you aren't sure. They need your full commitment. There is absolutely no shame in not having children.

Best of luck to you and your wife!
 

ProcessPro

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Apr 26, 2018
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Hi Jon, I think it is great that you are really considering this. I like the rocking chair test. Imagine you are 90 years old and sitting in your rocking chair. How does your life look from this angle? What do you wish you would have done or have not done. It is a great perspective.

We have 3 children who are grown and they are great friends now. They weren't friends growing up as we were always the parents. It is a joyful and challenging job. I have grown as a person so very much more than I ever would have without kids. Now we have 6 grandkids - talk about joy!

At the same time, It is a challenging job - so you really need to want it. Please don't have kids if you aren't sure. They need your full commitment. There is absolutely no shame in not having children.

Best of luck to you and your wife!
Hi Jamilyna! Thanks for taking the time to respond. I'll give the rocking chair exercise a try and see how that perspective can inform my decision.

It's cool to hear someone refer to their kids as their friends - says a lot about the relationship, and the job you did as a parent!

It would be pretty cool to have grandchildren and to be able to live long enough to see them grow up.
 

NT2

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Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
I'm glad you're asking this question. More people should consider this soberly (both marriage and children) before doing it. Following society's script should always be either accepted or rejected with thoughtfulness and care.

Of course, no one can tell you what to do, but I'll share potential things to consider, and maybe a little bit about myself:
1) How close are you to achieving your career and entrepreneurial goals? Will it be just a couple more years, or do you see a 5-10 year span as being more likely?
2) Have you talked about who is expected to bear the brunt of the childcare? Can you afford to hire outside help or would you be relying on family, friends, and neighbors?
3) Do you each have your own businesses or is this a joint business? This ties in to #2 - if it's more your business than hers, how involved are you expected to be in the day-to-day?
4) Why do you want children? Have you spent extensive time caring for someone else's children? Is it a FOMO thing, or are you prepared to sacrifice everything for these little people?
5) Compare how you would feel if you had a wonderful family life but a regular job or limited success in business versus every entrepreneurial dream you ever had, but with no family. Which one makes you feel better, more accomplished, more satisfied?
6) Would you still be happy that you had kids if you ended up divorced?
7) Would you consider freezing your wife's eggs if necessary? Can you afford it? (in reality, she has plenty of time, if she's reasonably healthy. My cousin got pregnant naturally at the age of 46 with no problems). Many women these days have children well into their mid and late 30's.
8) Would you still be happy you had kids if one or more of them had special needs?
9) How solid is your marriage? Kids will magnify any cracks in that foundation.

My experience: I did everything super young. I got married at 19 and had my kids at 24 and 25. I got divorced and had to raise my kids via co-parenting with my ex, who re-married and went on to have more kids. Ironically, I was never the type of woman who longed for marriage and children. I'm happy that my kids are my best friends now and we're all young (or young-looking). I have no interest in marriage or raising anyone else's kids. I only want to make money and have a successful career. I have no hindrances now, but I had plenty when they were young. I've wanted to be an entrepreneur forever but had to work mind-numbing corporate jobs because my life was no longer just about me. Now that I'm free, I intend to stay that way.

Best of luck on this sensitive decision!
 
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BizyDad

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What are the most important ways a parent should influence his/her child?

Personally, I focus on instilling values (faith, caring, respect, honesty, and a work ethic), problem solving skills, and critical thinking skills. Oh, and negotiating skills.

The last two mean I have independent children who will question and talk back a bit, which might annoy other parents, so you've been warned.

I feel like if I build the right foundation, they will be able to construct the lives that are most meaningful for them. Hth.
 

ShepardHumphries

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Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
A few thoughts ...
  • While things social are a "complex" issue, do your best predictions of life over the next 80 years make you want to introduce someone to it? Is the world headed in a good direction?
  • Many childless female humans in their mid-30's have a strong urge ... if your wife is already feeling it, will a rational decision now "last" when a probably biological urge surfaces in 7 years?
I think No, and No, however, your worldviews might be different.

My advice would be no. It would take a woman heavily into philosophy, logic, practicality etc... to resist natural urges. If your wife is an engineer who has been mechanically measuring the perfect number of ounces of chicken breast for her pre-planned meals for 999 out of the last 1000 days ... she just might beat the urge! :) Others? Probably not. In this case, it might be wise to get a 5-10 year jump on the probable inevitable...
 

Bernard Fauvette

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Sep 14, 2020
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Hi Jon,
I understand what you are feeling. My wife and I have our own vision board printed and on display on our wall. We have grand goals, and starting a family is on that board.

We recently had our first child, she is now 5 months old. Yes, they take up a lot of your time and are entirely dependent on you. But that does not need to take away from your goals, or your life. In my case, it fueled my fire.

It is one thing to work hard for yourself and your own needs, or for your wife who has her own abilities. But knowing you have such a beautiful little creature who needs you and loves you unconditionally, will make you want to work 10x harder to be a better provider. Because now their future is on the line, not just yours.

Having a child is not a decision to take lightly, and if you have any itches you wish to scratch in the immediate future, I would recommend doing those first (if they can't be done with a child). But if you and your partner are wanting this, you will be able to take on any of the challenges that come.

To address the issue of time, you do end up with less time for yourself with a new born. But you will soon realise how much time you wasted before kids. Once a baby is in the picture, it isn't a question of having the time, you learn to make the time.

Reading the fastlane whilst rocking your baby to sleep, watching your favourite shows whilst up doing your part of the night shift so your wife can get some sleep. Audio books or pod casts while you drive, riding to work to get your exercise in because you missed the gym. What ever it is you want, you will want it more and work harder for it, because you now have another big reason to do it.

So as a new father, I can honestly say I have no regrets. If you and your partner want a child, I am certain you will find yourself saying the same thing in the future.
Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
 
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J. van Driessen

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Dec 14, 2014
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Great discussion here.
From what I've read here and seen from people around me:
- mainly ambitious people / entrepreneurs think about having kids in such a rational way, for many other people it's just an emotional decision.
- even though it's hard, once people have kids, they don't regret it

My question to the people here who've been able to run a business successfully while having kids: would you say you or your partner took on the majority of the tasks that come with having kids / running a houshold?
The reason I ask: My wife works as a strategy consultant and I run a scale-up so we both do crazy hours. Even if we 'buy' extensive help like an au-pair, I think the impact on our carreers will be huge and it would be a challenge combining the 2.
 

xmartel

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Great discussion here.
From what I've read here and seen from people around me:
- mainly ambitious people / entrepreneurs think about having kids in such a rational way, for many other people it's just an emotional decision.
- even though it's hard, once people have kids, they don't regret it

My question to the people here who've been able to run a business successfully while having kids: would you say you or your partner took on the majority of the tasks that come with having kids / running a houshold?
The reason I ask: My wife works as a strategy consultant and I run a scale-up so we both do crazy hours. Even if we 'buy' extensive help like an au-pair, I think the impact on our carreers will be huge and it would be a challenge combining the 2.

I think you're right on those 2 points.

My wife does take on more of the tasks with the kids, but she's also still very heavily involved and integral to the business.

It is a challenge combining kids with an entrepreneurial life, but it's still very doable if you're intentional about how you structure your time.

You'd be surprised how much time you waste doing unnecessary tasks, not just in your personal life but also in your business. Find those, cut them out. Get ruthless with how efficiently you use your time and you'll be surprised how much you can get done in a day, and that includes being able to spend quality family time.

When you're running a business, you always have a list of important to-do's. You have to accept that that list will never get done, you can't say "I'll spend time with my kids and wife once I'm done all this stuff I have to do" It'll never happen.
You have to be intentional about just stopping work, ever for just an hour or two here and there, and spend time with your family. The work will still be there when you get back, and you'll find that nothing negative really came from it business-wise. I used to think that things would fall apart if I didn't stay working on all the important to-do's constantly. But that's just not true.

There's also a huge mental/joy/motivation boost you get from spending time with your kids and wife that has benefits to your business that are hard to put a dollar amount on, but it does drive you to greater success in the end in my opinion.

You also need to be fine with sleeping less. Get up early, and you can get quite a few solid hours in before the kids are up. I usually get up at 5am, and go to bed around 10:30-11:30. I'm a night owl and naturally don't get up early. It was work training myself, but the benefits have been huge.

A lot comes down to how you raise your kids. If you raise them to be whiny, lazy, brats, then they'll require a lot more hours of work.
But if you raise them to be independent, responsible, respectful etc. They aren't that much work and can take care of themselves.
When my wife and I are both working, our kids just play all day by themselves, and when they're hungry my 8 year old will make them sandwiches or cook macaroni.

In order to have them be this responsible, you have to teach them how to work. You can't do everything for them. Yes, it's much easier to just clean their room, and do their laundry for them. They tend to make a mess of things when they're first learning. But it doesn't take long before they can do things on their own, and then that's not only freed up more of your time, but it's also teaching them life skills that will benefit them forever.

They also grow up pretty fast, it's not very long they're like leeches. From an early age you can even involve them in your business. I take my kids to meetings and job sites sometimes. Not only do I have to in order to make things work, but I also want to because I love my kids being exposed to business first hand.
Along with that, at age 4 we start allowance, and they invest their money in our projects. They watch things progress, and then they get their return. They're then exited to turn around and invest their money again.

The journey isn't easy, but it is 100% worth it. The joy I have in my soul, just looking at my kids, or even just thinking about them, is something you won't understand until you have them.

I've lived without kids, and I've lived with kids. I'll take kids every time.

Also, for the guy that said he has more freedom because he gets to travel.
There's nothing stopping you from travelling with kids. Right from when our first was a newborn, we've done 5,000 mile road trips, taken Mexican vacations, etc. etc. Lots of people say we're crazy when we tell them the next vacation we're planning with our kids, but it makes the experience so much more rich being able to share it with your kids.
It's really not that hard to travel extensively with kids, especially if you've raised them properly so they aren't a nightmare when you take them places.
 

GPM

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I have not read the rest of the replies, just the OP.

My wife and I married at 26. We got pregnant and had several miscarriages between about 28-31 which was incredibly difficult. It took us a long time to finally get pregnant and have it stay. We finally had a daughter who was born when we were 33, and a son when we were 35. We would have LOVED to have more than this, but we feel that to have another we would be older than we would want to be at this point. We are very happy with our two and they make life absolutely better.

Are they a big responsibility? Yes. Are they super frustrating at times? Yes. Do they take an absolute crap ton of time and do they ruin your sleep? Yes, yes and yes.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. They bring meaning, joy, and just heaping piles of love and laughter into the house. Our kids are only 18 months apart, we wanted them to be close so that they would grow up together doing the same things and playing together. Our son is now 9 months old and watching them play together is amazing. I can sit for hours and just watch them.

I want to build an empire and a legacy, and I want my children to be a part of growing this from a very young age. I always say that I want my daughter in a skirt and blazer or suit in meetings with me before she is 10. She is already a boss, I can't wait to see what she can do as she grows even more.

If I could do it all again I would. It would have been nice to have started at 30 rather than 33, but life plays the cards that it will and you just roll with what comes.
 
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PizzaOnTheRoof

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Having children is selfish. This is totally my opinion. I personally would not want to bring a child into such a corrupt world, or what if they are born with some sort of disease. A big reason is that I have my own life that is way too short, I would not want to waste it by having kids. Many people seem to want kids because they want to fill a gap inside of them, but you have to already be happy, not search for happiness in something external like a kid. If I were to ever have kids, I'd adopt, because like this I'd help a child in need.
It sounds like YOU are the selfish one.

Having kids is not a zero sum game. Having kids is not "logical". You will never find an object or other lifeform that humans will so readily sacrifice their lives for.

Most parents would give up everything, move mountains, burn cities to the ground for their children. You will never find that kind of passion from business, money, sex, or fame.

When you have kids, YOU do not matter, you've taken on responsibility of LIFE and DEATH. It's not business, it's not quarterly P&L's or fast cars at stake, it's your legacy and DNA on line.

I would say life is too short to NOT have kids. To not experience the most inner core, bone shaking fear, excitement, joy, and accomplishment that being a human can give you is a shame.

BUT it's not for everyone. You do you.
 

ShannonK

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My wife and I decided to wait a few years after getting married to have children. After our first son was born I thought to myself that we were crazy to have waited.

We had thought that once we had children that days of dining out and traveling would come to an end but it didn’t. We ate at the same restaurants and traveled just as much as we did previously. What we didn’t anticipate was how much joy our son brought to our lives. I finally understood unconditional love. Since then we had another son and then adopted agirl.

I agree with PizzaOnTheRoof in that I would move mountains and sacrifice my life for my children.

We have had such a fulfilling life as our kids have grown up. It’s been a lot of fun. It’s not perfect. Along with joy there’s been times of frustration and disappointment. Lots of sacrifice. But ultimately all love.

Having read through this thread you can see there are a lot of opinions based on each person’s life experience and life priorities. For the folks who are against children I believe that is a good decision for them. For the folks who have had children and enjoyed it I say that is a good decision for them. Ultimately this is a decision of the heart.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Answer varies on the couple/person which in other words means, there is no right answer.

If you aren't sure on your answer, I'd say to put children off UNTIL you get more clarity for your life.

If you're miserable without kids, you'll be miserable with them. I think the reverse also applies ... if you're happy in life, kids will probably ADD happiness to your life.
 
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Thoelt53

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I'm your age, and the thought of you being married already frightens me.

No one can make this decision for you. It is for you alone to make. I think the main question you should ask yourself is "did I do everything I wanted to do in my life"

There are two reasons for that.

1. Kids eat your time away.
2. It is irresponsible to have kids and not take care of them. That's how people become criminals and it costs a lot to society.

To be fair, I think you are wayyyyyy too young to both being married (I wrote yesterday a 4000-words blog article about 18 reasons to never get married) and have kids.

I intend to have kids because it is the meaning of life, but not before I turn 50. It is because

1. I want to have time for them.
2. I want to be able to afford Harvard for the 6 of them if they want to, and holidays in 5 stars hotels in Singapore.

Children is a lifelong commitment. If you have them now, you'll have them forever.

To me, it's actually insane to have them before 40. But that's me. If you have a fastlane business and are happy with your life as it is, by all means, have kids.
You’re going to have 6 kids after age 50?

Good luck to you. You are in for quite a shock :rofl:
 
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Do your kid a favor by not bringing him to this meaningless place of suffering. He would be very thankful.
 

sandmountain

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Lots of good responses here. I’m young (late 20s), 3 kids, and in residency for a surgical specialty. Not entrepreneurship like most of you, but still incredibly time consuming. We’ve made it work and it has been incredibly fulfilling. Ever since becoming a parent I’ve felt uncomfortable giving parenting advice - everyone’s situation is unique and any advice I give may/may not work or could even be damaging etc - so I won’t chime in on advice, but just another vote for it’s possible and can be a wonderful blessing in life. That said, here is my one piece of advice (breaking my own rule), don’t have kids to fulfill your life, have them because you are willing to help fulfill their lives. And just like business, there will probably never be a “perfect” time to do it. It will always require sacrifice no matter the stage or net worth in life.
 
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sandmountain

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One other thing, I’m quite close to 3 different people with net worths ranging 20-50 million. They all have multiple kids, and they all started as normal Joe’s like the rest of us. It’s been very motivating to see them accomplish this while being great parents, but they probably slept less than a single person during their beginning years. No worries there though, sleep when your dead.

*I don’t want to be asked to leave this awesome forum, so I’ll add that I’m not hinting as some sort of coaching here, or connecting people to these parents for paid coaching. And I’m definitely not hinting that I have some secrets to accomplish what they did while being a parents. I haven’t figured this stuff out yet lol
 

sfarieri

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Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
I am 32 and my wife is 38. We just had our first baby 16 months ago. You got PLENTY of time. While I do believe it's true that your life becomes second when you have a kid, its COMPLETELY worth it. I love my son more than anything on this planet and he has motivated me to change and to give us all a better life.

There are pains such as sleep becomes limited in the beginning, and dealing with teething, and sometimes not knowing why they are crying, but watching them grow and develop a personality is truly amazing and worth the bad. You won't be able to go out as much as you normally may have, but again its worth it. You grow up in a sense. I have no regrets and want to eventually have a sibling for my son.

Best of luck.
 

lostcyclist

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Started my blog with now kids. Late nights and weekends. Good money. Had kids.

Got complacent. Google happened. Blog tanked.

Been trying to rebuild. Between making breakfast and cleaning up after them and making sure we have a good relationship, there is no time for the biz.

So I'm stuck in a hell of working too much, seeing no progress on my income goals and feeling like I'm never there for my kids.

If I can keep a good relationship with my kids, I think I'm going to like having them around, and it will be worth the trade-off financially.

But I'm snowed under on a day-to-day basis and have been for awhile.
 
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jeffrost

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I love my 3 children, all grown up now.
Irreplaceable.

But if carbon footprint and sustainability are your highest priority then give them a miss!

In the developed world the carbon footprint of a child is roughly 58.6 metric tonnes annually...


Choose wisely!
 

MHP368

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If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Make money and then have kids, if you get something going its not going to be easy choices like "Oh ,i'll have dayle take that meeting so I can drop my daughter off for her first day of kindergarten" , felix dennis talks about this, jim rohn...I'm sure dozens of others those are just the ones that immediately pop into my head.

You're pursuit of riches and financial independence is going to force you to shift the costs to others around you. You're relationships WILL with 100% certainty (and just going the "lifestyle building" route doesn't make you immune to this btw) be effected by your journey. Either the business will suffer and you wont make it or you're relationships will suffer and these won't be (as I said) easy peezy workaround decisions.

actually just terminated my current LLC today and it's a little breathe of fresh air, my family is having a lot of issues and now I can regroup and focus on that.

"but I did it all for you!" you'll say to your estranged kids and ex wife (worst case).

If you want kids and you're on a biological clock schedule that should be even more impetus to hustle sooner harder and faster. Having children will absolutely add severe difficulty to your odds of ever achieving financial independence, even if you ignored the kid completely and your SO did all the work the financial drawdown alone would be the equivalent of you like, picking up a drug habit or something.

My daughter (and btw unconditional love is only an intellectual concept in your mind until you've had kids) , colicky . for 8 weeks (I was in my last semester when she was born), 8 weeks, I slept 5 hours a day (in 20 to 45 minute blocks). So now I have first hand experience of sleep deprivation in case I ever have to emphasize with someone tortured in that way. I would work 2 12's on weekends, full time school + clinicals and then study and take care of a baby that was always crying unless a bottle was in her mouth or she was asleep (which she did, in 20 to 45 minute bursts) . I immediately got a vasectomy when the colic cleared and I woke up from a 2 day nap (I think I slept 16 and then 18 hours but in between I just ate and stayed in bed)

Lets look at some of my other practical considerations, without getting too personal, because I have 2 children and because i'm not a sociopath and consider it my responsibility to give them and maintain for them a certain level of consistency and security (the monster that I am) I have a mortgage in yuppyville , lots of equity I can't tap (because we'd have to move them to a new school and away from their grandparents - that last bit doesnt work for practical reasons as they're my babysitters)

So they're costing me money, they have me ball and chained in one area (and one house in that area), I have a big chunk of money I can't touch for a long while (like a long long while)

You need clarity my friend ,

You can't serve two masters. Whatever fastlane or FIRE plan you had is going to have to drastically adjust to new realities or you're going to have to make some other tough decisions here.
 

MHP368

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who you'll have to help you when you get old? I know it sounds a bit selfish, but it's a practical aspect of being elderly, that you need someone trustworthy to help. What are your thoughts on this?
lol, frankly I don't think a lot of people do well enough with character development and the actual "raising' of their kids to have to worry! , i used to work at nursing homes (about 3 and a half years) , lots of people have kids who won't talk to them, or need their money because they had a sort of "failure to launch"
 
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Sean Marshall

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we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc.

Yeah, having a kid isn't like getting a dog. A dog lasts 10-15 years. A kid? Committed for life! Well, at least if you plan on being a good parent. :)

My wife and I started our business in 2010 when we had a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. Two years later, we had another kid and then we moved to Cozumel, Mexico. For the last 8 years of our life, we've lived internationally and all paid for by the business.

We didn't give up our lives for our kids - we just brought them with us!

The childbearing years thing is real though. You can always start another business at whatever age. But there's a ticking clock to having a happy healthy child and just plain being healthy yourself.

If you're growing a business correctly, you can quickly get on top of it and have plenty of money AND plenty of time to be an active parent.

Just a couple of hours ago, I got back from a walk with my wife and our oldest kid asked me if I even work. I laughed but that's kind of the point. I worked super hard 10 years ago, when she was young, so that I don't have to work as hard now.

And for the record, tomorrow, I'm not working. I'm taking my two oldest kids surfing. So I'm not giving up my life by having kids, I've added to it.

ALL of the above is purely opinion and suuuuuper subjective. If you feel you want to have kids, don't let a business stand in the way of that. Instead, let it be the driving motivation to force you to make it work. BUT, it's entirely up to you two.

Hope that helps!
 

Mat79

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I'm in my 40s, no kids. I was never eager to have kids, and I don't think I ever will, but I've never had a relationship where I was even in a position to consider it.

I think, unless you have a good reason not to, like some genetic disease, go for it. I think it's just good to have that connection to the future, and to life outside yourself.

Also you might consider that, if you think you're up for the challenge, adoption of an older kid would be a huge gift. You can still have your own kids of course.
 

Thoelt53

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I love my 3 children, all grown up now.
Irreplaceable.

But if carbon footprint and sustainability are your highest priority then give them a miss!

In the developed world the carbon footprint of a child is roughly 58.6 metric tonnes annually...


Choose wisely!
I agree!

If you’re worried about your ‘carbon footprint’ or ‘climate change’ please don’t reproduce.
 
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Maxios

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Zero regret. My son was born when I was 24.
It has made my life a whole lot more fulfilling.

Now obviously you will need to invest a lot of time in your kid, and a decent amount of money too.

Which means less time and less funds to put toward a business venture. And a whole different approach to taking risks.

The flip side of it is that a kid can be a very strong why. And can force you to be much better with your time. And a lot more mindful with how you spend your money.

If both of you really want a child I would not wait too long. Regretting not having a kid once your wife can no longer have one.... I imagine that it would be a very painful to carry for the rest of your life.


I don't have kids, but I experienced this while involved with a mature woman. I want kids. Dozens of them; however, my instinct isn't to work on a business fastlane style.

I'm still 22 and I want to party, maybe get a job bartending and slowly make business happen. But I suppress this yearning for Fastlane. Both in terms of future family and cuz I'm low-income (could have a better job, but my hours are perfect for Fastlane), so choosing both is horribly inefficient

For the last 2 years I haven't worked hard on business. I even changed my living situation to a more expensive alternative so I could party (among other needs). While I have this dream of millions, it's not concrete and thus makes it easy to slip away into unproductivity or instead into what my inner self wants to do, chase skirts.

However, I meet this woman who ISN'T trying to party and is closer to the Fastlane mindset than 95% of other people. I helped jump start her business back to where it was. Girl ain't perfect. But it's 10x easier to prioritize business.

I feel like a loser when I choose something that doesn't add to my finances. Or I should clarify, I still felt bad about it before meeting her, but it wasn't enough to seriously discourage me.

Why? I can only guess. I'm making myself partially responsible for her (even though she makes 2 - 5x what I do right now & we both have potential/yearning for millions haha). So it works for me. Because I know no matter how much I f*ck up, I'll be ok. But if I'm f*cking up with someone I'm responsible for (that I WANT to be responsible for), it f*cks up my psyche.​

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A license renewal course that took me 2 1/2 months I did in 1 or 2 weeks. Granted the last course was twice as enjoyable as the first one, but the point still stands. Homegirl even helped me finish the second one!

I think of her when I derail into "Not Work".
And I keep going at it for longer than I thought possible.

I feel a kid would only intensify this feeling.
But this is me. And we're all different.
Think about it if it works for you
You should know about it
Deep down within
 

metallon

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farmer79

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I really disagree with not having children because of their potential carbon footprint. Children represent nearly limitless potential and with all the worlds information available now to anyone with a 5 year old cell phone I have no doubt that somewhere being born today is a child who will solve what is currently an unsolvable problem.

I am not saying it will be your child but if you’d had a symposium in 1900 when there were 1.6 billion people on the earth and said “gentleman we have done the math and in 2020 there will be 8 billion people and a pandemic we need to do everything we can to slow population growth because we cannot come anywhere close to feeding, clothing, and housing 8 billion people.”

Yet it was exactly that population growth that we needed to solve the problems of growing from 1.6 to 8 billion people. And not only sustain but make the lives of the original 1.6 billion nearly infinitely better. Commercial fertilizer, food storage and preservation, irrigation projects, vaccines, a power grid, cell phones, internet.

Now the caveat is you have to raise productive children. But the world needs more productive people regardless of their carbon footprint.
 

Ivan M.

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Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
I am going to be honest with you, when I was growing up, I was determined not to have any kids. Now, I have 2 beautiful daughters and I must say that it was the best decision in my life and would've been a big mistake if I didn't have kids.

But there are many things you can do when you don't have kids and, let's say, limit what you can do when you do have kids.

For example, without kids, you can do more and explore more opportunities, take more risks and venture out to do more in business without worrying about having an extra mouth to feed or paying for clothing, food, diapers etc. You'll be able to give your best of you when you have less to worry in your life, such as taking little Suzie to the dentist or little Johnny to the doctor.

On the other side of the coin, having kids are a blessing in disguise. If you want to start a family, I would say go for it. It can motivate you along with your spouse to do better since now you have a third, fourth, fifth person to think about (or however many kids you want). This route is a little more tricky though since now kids have to rely on a stable source of income, such as a job or career can give, and trying to start a business in the midst of it all can be a little tougher.

This is where I am in my situation. I've been involved with this forum for quite some time now since 2017 still trying to grow wealth so I can retire, take my family to vacations, be a philanthropist and simply just having freedom from living paycheck to paycheck. This is not to say that I'm grateful about my family, it's just a little harder in becoming an entrepreneur/writer/inventor because something/someone always need attention first.

I guess you can say it's all up to the both of you how you want to approach it. I'm not going to say do or don't start a family because I don't know your situation. You and your spouse both have to weigh the options together and think what is best for the growth of your family.

That's my two cents, I hope this helps.
 
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