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Having Children...Pros and Cons?

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journeyman

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29, no kids, no regrets nor do I plan to have any for at least 10 more years.

At the core of it having kids is a biological drive and an emotional decision. I'd say no matter what opinions/arguments are presented, if you want to have kids it will be clear and almost unavoidable.
 
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Craigcon01

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Dec 19, 2020
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Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
My view is that one reason you are on this planet is to pro-create, once you have millions you'll need an heir to pass it all onto!!
 

AndreeaCrs

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Jan 8, 2021
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My personal opinion is that you should just go with the first option that you feel, without wheighting in the pros and cons. It's just my opinion, not saying all should do the same
 

Tourmaline

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Kids are amazing and a lot of work.

But it's one of the biggest aspects of being human, of being an animal.

And there's nothing really like it, and it's utterly amazing.

It also gives you substantial drive for building legacy...since you have someone that will directly receive what you leave behind.

But you can't make your self have kids before your ready. And you definitely want to be ready.

It also makes you grow massively. The world no longer revolves around you.

However I don't think you have to sacrifice your self by any means. Rather you get better at managing your time and only doing what you really want to do.

Plus they're super cute and endlessly adorable and fun :D
 
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GriffJ

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I'm 33 and a married woman so the question I get asked (a lot!) is; when are you having kids? Like it's expected of everyone to want them.

I have a wonderful husband and step son, (and a dog) I feel my life is fulfilled and I get great satisfaction from working on my goals and working towards a future where I can be free from the rat race and support my family.

I don't want children right now, but there are plenty of "older" women having children these days, maybe I'll change my mind, maybe I won't. If I'm being honest, I feel like I would be "tied down" with kids but I know plenty of successful people with children so maybe that's my own internal justification.

The funny thing is I do think my feelings would be different if I was already "free" one worry is that having children will trap you in the 9-5 having to provide, I'm sure that's not the case at all but I guess it's a very real fear when deciding these things.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, I think you have to make peace with what you decide though, regret is hard to live with.
 

ShepardHumphries

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Hi Fastlaners

My wife and I are trying to decide if to have children. She's 28 and I'm 26, so her remaining children bearing years are limited.

On one hand, we have a vision of a beautiful family and family culture etc. On the other hand, friends are warning that we'd be giving up our lives to take care of another human etc. We already know all this, but...

If you can:
  • Share advice/things we should consider
  • Share stories about your experiences, the good and bad, the pains and pleasure
  • Regrets of having or not having
  • If you don't have, do you feel a void? How do you fill it? Is it sufficient?
Please, no condescending responses, or 'you shouldn't have if you're asking this' sort of responses. I'm asking because there's immense value and learning in other perspectives.

Thanks!
Jon.
Update? :)
 

Voice Angel

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Would love to know too what you decided!

I'm a bit late on this thread but thought I'd chime in too...

Having kids was the best decision I’ve ever made. They force you out of your personal bubble. You see the world in a new way as well. In some ways, your world has just expanded. I’d say they make my life better in every way.

Yes, there are some things we can’t just get up and do now that we have kids. But most things we can, with some planning.

And as well you do need more money. But setting aside a small amount off each incoming dollar (whether that’s a day job or entrepreneurial businesses), adds up quickly. Before we did that, we went through a very rough time back in the day (financially) but we hadn’t planned well back then. If you start now, it’s feasible and manageable.

I agree with others who have suggested that this is a great time to discuss the other aspects of having a family with your wife to prepare ahead mentally, i.e. religion, discipline, education.

My husband and I come from completely different backgrounds. He’s non religious (I won’t go so far as to say atheist) and I was brought up with 3 religions. We exposed the kids to several and let them decide. We were both brought up being spanked for discipline. We decided no spanking ever for our kids (it stayed that way – and they’re both great kids). So these are some aspects that are best discussed now before the kids come.

I also agree with the others who have said that words cannot describe the experience of having children. Whether you decide to have your own or adopt, the connection is awe-inspiring.

There will be some very trying times too! But you’ll deal with them.
They make you stronger.
 
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Marigold

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I have two children, 8 and 6. The first few years were the most challenging and painful years of my whole life. Lack of sleep, mainly.

My heart absolutely bursts every day with love for my children. I wish I'd had 10 of them. I home school both of them.

Start young, have many. Best thing you'll ever do in your whole life.

Be committed to your partner tho!
 

thechosen1

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I’m not ready yet but I plan to have a decently sized family. I think it’s an investment in your future. When you are old, you’re going to wish you made that investment - being surrounded by the adults you created, and their kids, and maybe even their babies too.

That’s the ultimate way to go out: wealthy, successful, surrounded by a loving family that you are able to pass the torch on to... every generation moving forward. That is my goal: a legacy, to make an impact that lasts longer than myself.

If you can have them, children are a blessing. I want to have more financial stability first, but it’s definitely (in my opinion) a big part of a life well lived.

Oh, and it’s important to raise them right so they are capable, too. That’s part of the legacy.
 

Antifragile

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I had no idea what I was missing before becoming a parent. Words can’t describe it. The kind of love and happiness I feel now! Seriously… never expected that, I send to think hard “do I want kids?” Now I can’t believe I didn’t get started sooner. Absolute joy and love.

Hard hard hard work too. But that’s the price you pay for the love and joy.


Edit:
- not everything in life can be explained and chosen logically. Kids fall into that category.

- it does help to have money. Can’t imagine how much harder it is for people without wealth and some type of time independence. You’d miss out on so much of the kids life by grinding it out 9-5 and beyond. All the more reason for Fastlane and Unscripted life.
 
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notinuse1245

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Jun 13, 2021
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Don't have children right now, but thought about it a lot.
I don't like the idea of having a child, simply because I think that there are already too many people on the planet, and especially to many children without a family.
With that in mind, I just think it's better for me to adopt a child sometime in the future - when I think I would be able to care for them and give them the time and resources they deserve. Which also plays nicely with not having to think about the biological clock.
 

Marigold

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I had no idea what I was missing before becoming a parent. Words can’t describe it. The kind of love and happiness I feel now! Seriously… never expected that, I send to think hard “do I want kids?” Now I can’t believe I didn’t get started sooner. Absolute joy and love.

Hard hard hard work too. But that’s the price you pay for the love and joy.


Edit:
- not everything in life can be explained and chosen logically. Kids fall into that category.

- it does help to have money. Can’t imagine how much harder it is for people without wealth and some type of time independence. You’d miss out on so much of the kids life by grinding it out 9-5 and beyond. All the more reason for Fastlane and Unscripted life.
I never wanted kids. I didn't think I was the maternal type - side note, every woman is.

You literally don't know what love is until you have them. It's quite the revelation :D
 

DayIFly

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Don't have children right now, but thought about it a lot.
I don't like the idea of having a child, simply because I think that there are already too many people on the planet, and especially to many children without a family.
With that in mind, I just think it's better for me to adopt a child sometime in the future - when I think I would be able to care for them and give them the time and resources they deserve. Which also plays nicely with not having to think about the biological clock.
How do you know that there are too many people on the planet? Your population is in actual decline since half a century. How many inventors and inventions didn't happen because of that? It's a tragedy.
 
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Antifragile

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How do you know that there are too many people on the planet? Your population is in actual decline since half a century. How many inventors and inventions didn't happen because of that? It's a tragedy.

Excuse me? Decline? Sources?

Population growth slowed. Top tier wealthy countries saw a minor decline just this last yet (USA!). But immigration pumps it up.
 

DayIFly

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Excuse me? Decline? Sources?

Population growth slowed. Top tier wealthy countries saw a minor decline just this last yet (USA!). But immigration pumps it up.
From wiki:
"Due to the low birth rate there have been more death than births in Germany in every year since 1972,[9] which means 2020 was the 49th consecutive year the German population would have decreased without immigration. It is the only country in the world to have such a long-term natural population decline."
 
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Antifragile

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From wiki:
"Due to the low birth rate there have been more death than births in Germany in every year since 1972,[9] which means 2020 was the 49th consecutive year the German population would have decreased without immigration. It is the only country in the world to have such a long-term natural population decline."
Germany does not equal the planet.
 
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Antifragile

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How do you know that there are too many people on the planet? Your population is in actual decline since half a century. How many inventors and inventions didn't happen because of that? It's a tragedy.

Hmmm…. Bold letters above. Planet.
 

DayIFly

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Hmmm…. Bold letters above. Planet.
And what did I write after that? "Your population is in actual decline". There can be a general overpopulation in the world, and simultaneously there can be countries with severe demographic problems. Fixing those problems wouldn't contribute to the overpopulation problem, because the high level of education opportunities would offset the problem via innovations. Which means that there weren't actually too many people on Earth, because the term overpopulation has a specific context which is tied to technology.
 
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Antifragile

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And what did I write after that? "Your population is in actual decline". There can be a general overpopulation in the world, and simultaneously there can be countries with severe demographic problems. Fixing those problems wouldn't contribute to the overpopulation problem, because the high level of education opportunities would offset the problem via innovations. Which means that there weren't actually too many people on Earth, because the term overpopulation has a specific context which is tied to technology.

You lost me.

1. Someone says “I think there are too many people and I’ll adopt and prevent some poor kid from being hungry and neglected”. Bonus - not worried about biological clock…
2. You say “your country population is in decline” in response to the “planet” commment.
3. I call you out on your comp. planet population is growing.
4. You focus on Germany as source of innovation missed because lack of Germans f*cking Germans and making Einsteins.
5. I think it’s utter nonsense. Whether you have your own or adopt makes no difference to the “innovation”. Steve Jobs was adopted. He made a dent in the world.

Unless you are referring to some superior Arian race? ;). There was a guy before who tried that, rhymes with galolf peepler… he caused some real damage to the world. ;)

So what are you trying to say? I’m confused.
 

DayIFly

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@Antifragile
The main argument was not having kids because of overpopulation in the world. This doesn't make any sense because the world isn't monolithic, you need to clearly specify who is driving the problem and where the problem is nonexistant. I don't understand what you're so hung up about? Maybe you didn't grasp that I was responding to a German user...

4) I'm tired of people using the Hitler card when they have no rebuttals... All developed countries provide enough educational opportunities that innovation is assured. My focus isn't Germany, what I said applies to all developed countries, i.e. they can sustain their population by innovation by providing opportunities. It's a bit harder if you're born in e.g. rural India, isn't it? Are you seriously denying this?

5) What are you talking about? If Steve Jobs hadn't been born, he wouldn't have made a dent in the world. Geez. I'm the one who is confused here.
 
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