Feeling Stuck and Depressed

[gabeb1920]

That's it, you're working 9-5, you're stuck to your $150K/year income, and you can't break free. That's what happens when you take a job, especially for the Stooges. Be like me instead and never hold a job in your life. Then all you know is fighting for that income brother, because otherwise you ain't eating.

But you have it easy. Lazy around, work remote, get your $150K/year paycheck... no wonder you're not motivated. You're never going to be motivated like that. They give you just enough so that you can make other people's dreams happen and forget about your own.

Then you also have your family who is using you to maintain their lifestyle. So that's just the truth. You've given up control over your life, and you're no longer at the wheel. Now nobody wants to let you grab the wheel again. F*ck, just imagine what your wife would do if you'd go from making $150K/year to $40K/year in a business of your own – straight to the divorce courts, LOL!

This should be an example of how freedom is lost. Bit by bit, without even noticing what you're doing to yourself.

Having said this, your best bet is to focus on climbing up in your career. Also invest in real estate and start saving, stop your wife from buying stupid dresses and designer purses wtf. Work to get an executive position, build relationships with the real movers and shakers around, build high value skills, and at some point you may be able to break free without sacrificing your immediate income. But now you can't. You're tied up, so better get used to it for awhile and make the best out of it.

You work remote. No more holidays outside of places you can drive to. No more designer clothes and stupid shit. Instead save that income, buy property. If you rent, move yourself to a cheaper place. Start saving. You should live on $60K/year MAX!!, save the rest. In 10 years, you'll have saved $900K saved up, if you're investing that into property you'll do better than 99% of people for yourself.

For the rest of you – should be a good warning of what can happen, and how easily your dreams can be lost if you don't keep your hands on the steering wheel.

Thanks for the reply

I'll be honest, I really struggled to absorb this and went through a range of emotions as I processed it.

When I read the first paragraph about being stuck my first thought was "well F*ck you then! I'll show you! You're not going to tell me what is and what's not possible!"
But then I thought I don't know for sure myself if me becoming a successful entrepreneur is possible. On the other hand with my health and fitness I know for sure I can do it and I have a fairly clear idea of how as well so I've taken that "F*ck you" energy and am applying it towards my health improvement goals and I WILL lose weight and get fitter.

The difference with entrepreneurship is I don't know enough about it to know if it is possible from my current circumstance. Maybe it's not possible and I am forever trapped

The comment about making other people's dreams happen and forgetting about my own really hit home

And about my family and me having given up control of my life. Yep I agree 100%, I often feel like I have no real control. Nothing I want to happen really matters, if the wife and kids disagree then we go with their choice every time and no body wants to let me grab the steering wheel just like you said.
I do think this is kinda true in any relationship, cause if we went with my choice every time then I'd be taking control of my wife's life in the same way. Highlights the need to find someone who is going the same direction you are so there's fewer disagreements over life choices and direction.

Yep, I'm a perfect example and a warning of what not to do. Hang onto your dreams people and find people who will support your dreams and not people who want something else out of life.

Now as for what I should do now, I really don't want to be stuck in the slowlane
I feel like my mind is mostly slowlane, my dreams are fastlane and my actions are side walker :/
I do feel like my actions are driven by always doing or allowing what my wife wants and it's kinda coming to a head in the last day or so. If I was a single guy then 100% I'd already be following your advice and working on my career and investing.
But for where I am I don't know if that's going to be enough. I can't see myself living on $60K with the wife and kids so the amount I can save and invest is drastically limited, just like MJ says is the problem with the slowlane approach.
The only way I can see myself achieving the wealth I'd like is through a fastlane business, it won't happen through career and incremental investing.
I could do a hell of a lot better than I am now and with my income I could be doing a hell of a lot better than most...
But it still wouldn't be the life of my dreams
Is it a step on the path? Or is it a distraction away from the real goal of wealth that comes from the fastlane?

Obviously the first step is to get the basics in order. Health, fitness and a basic level of financial security. Just some buffer so I've got energy and time and money to invest into starting a business. Not much happens without those things.

@Black_Dragon43 thank you so much for your reply, it has really got me thinking and as you said it's a warning for other people to stop the progression before they reach the stage I'm at.
Thank you

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Black_Dragon43]

The difference with entrepreneurship is I don't know enough about it to know if it is possible from my current circumstance.

It’s not a question of possibility — from a theoretical perspective it absolutely is possible. But you’re in a sticky situation with your family. So practically speaking it may not be possible without breaking up with your wife or destabilizing your current relationship.

The question is can you survive that possible break up emotionally and spiritually? Or will it profoundly affect you emotionally and drag you down? That’s why I find it risky for you to attempt to start your own business.

In your position, your wife is used to having that income and spending it. Probably from her perspective, life is great. She’s proud of where she is and how her family lives. If your income drops, that’s a huge risk for her… and women hate uncertainty.

A woman wants to be taken care of and feel secure and comfortable. You’ll destroy her desire for security if your income drops to $40K/year the first year.

The reason why I advised you to cut your spending to $60K/yr max while keeping your job is because I see that as the most likely path for you to keep your family together and pursue a path that can enable you to break free.

Your wife will hate that, of course, BUT mentally she will have the safety… that $150K is always there, it’s not a risk of not being there. So it will only be a reduction in comfort for her. Whereas starting a business and having your income drop to $40K or even less would be a complete disaster for her and also for the image of her family (what will she say? My husband left a $150K/yr job and is now a bum making $40K?). Like this she gets to keep her image AND safety, just needs to let go of comfort.

You’ve trained her to always be the boss. That won’t be easy to reverse for sure.

 

[Antifragile]

Thanks for the reply

I really like the idea of managing energy instead of time, not quite sure how I might apply it but I'll keep thinking about it cause it certainly sounds useful.

And also your comment about how it's impossible to become an entrepreneur with low energy levels. Once again highlighting I need to get my health and energy sorted before I have any real hope of pursuing a business idea.

Thanks for the specific suggestions, I did try some of the breathing exercises and will keep doing those daily.

As for the dieting I've chosen to start with a balanced approach to macros and focus on calorie control through limiting junk food and smaller portions. I'll start with these but will consider fasting or completely removing sugar if I don't see success with this approach.

Thanks again for the advice and feedback

You can do it, do more. Do it now. Get your energy levels from a 10% to 80% as soon as possible.

I still strongly recommend fasting, no sugar and breaths exercises. All of them, at the same time.

…

Now… @Black_Dragon43 … F*ck man. And people wonder why we clash so much on this forum.

A woman wants to be taken care of and feel secure and comfortable.

What the hell do you know about what women want? These shitty blanket statements are useless.

You have no family, no kids, nothing to relate in any way possible but you dish out opinions like truths about this man’s family’s situation and on “what women want”. Give your head a shake.

You’ve trained her to always be the boss.

That’s the problem with the internet. Every 20 something year old is an expert. Family aren’t pets.

So his wife is the problem now! She’s the one that loves spending. It’s not his own responsibility to become more successful and support his fam better. It’s how families work lol.



What if the wife is key to his future success? What if acting like a team, helping each other is more powerful and productive than your fake macho “train her” advice?

Real men, strong men take care of their families. They don’t blame them, they function as a unit. Families are the source for success, not a force against it. If there ever was a big enough WHY to do something it rests outside of us, out there.

If I was single, no kids I’d need nothing. What is the benefit of having a big house, my fancy cars if it’s just me? The joy is in sharing, enjoying it with people you love. Not “training her” to live on $60k income.

I read that and all I could hear in my head was “WTF?!”

Kids and home are hard work too! Often a hell of a lot harder than a job or even running a business.


@gabeb1920 your life may not be perfect. But you have kids and wife who quite likely love you. Don’t F*ck that up. Your problem today is the easiest one to fix - you need more money. To get that you need a plan and a consistent way to execute on that plan. Your wife needs to be part of the solution, as a partner (not a pet to be trained, like WTF? Did I actually have to type this?! FML.). She may have better ways to get income than you or plug in with ideas and help with the execution of a side hustle. Help you with weight loss etc.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

You have no family, no kids, nothing to relate in any way possible but you dish out opinions like truths about this man’s family’s situation and on “what women want”. Give your head a shake.

It's true that I don't have a family yet, but I've been in a relationship for 5+ years and we're getting ready to get married and have kids atm. So I do know – women do want security and comfort, generally. Maybe not all women, but the vast majority do.

As the head of the family, it's your responsibility to set the rules for what the family needs to succeed. If you need to cut the budget so that you can reach the next peak of evolution, then you should do it. There needs to be someone to take the tough decisions, just like a general in the army.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlKRC-Odk44&ab_channel=Dream4u

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[ZF Lee]

F*ck man. And people wonder why we clash so much on this forum.

The funny thing is that I read both you and Black Dragon's stuff, and I found myself nodding my head at both.

I can get the importance of working with the wife as a team...and tough leadership too.
Especially with difficult stuff, like cutting down on the lifestyle they are comfy with.

The truth is that not every family member will be brave enough to take (or join in) drastic steps. It's important to make the first move, demonstrate you are willing to go through the tough times together, and listen to their concerns. Leadership that inspires.

It might be the first time they ever experienced this too.

 

[pickeringmt]

Going the entrepreneurial route is trading one set of pros and cons for another. People not happy at a job seem to think that working for themselves or owning a business will be a path to happiness. It is not. The happiness you are looking for will not be found in taking a less safe path unless you just get more comfortable with not feeling comfortable. The interesting thing is that what I got out of your post is that you are really feeling the consequences of living a "safe" life, which is ultimately just as uncomfortable - it just takes longer to see it. You are getting uncomfortable with the feeling of being comfortable.

 

[Antifragile]

It's true that I don't have a family yet, but I've been in a relationship for 5+ years and we're getting ready to get married and have kids atm. So I do know – women do want security and comfort, generally. Maybe not all women, but the vast majority do.

To clarify... It doesn't matter if you do or do not have a family. My issue is in saying things as if they are a fact, when they are not. Like you claiming "maybe not all women, but the vast majority do".

Statements like these make me wonder what do men want?

Put it another way, is it only women you think who crave security and comfort? Or do men want it too? Is it wrong if I enjoy security and comfort? Is it wrong if a woman enjoys taking risks?

As the head of the family, it's your responsibility to set the rules for what the family needs to succeed. If you need to cut the budget so that you can reach the next peak of evolution, then you should do it. There needs to be someone to take the tough decisions, just like a general in the army.

Thanks for clarifying.

We agree on:

• Advice to the OP to accept things like: I am responsible for my life. My decisions decide the outcome of my life. I own this and I will do what it takes, including having hard conversations, making hard decisions and being courageous.
• Whoever is in poor financial situation must first look at cutting the budget.

We disagree on:

• As a "head of the family... like a general"...

Why?

It implies you being more important and/or smarter than your family. As if only you can make those decisions and "like a general" everyone reports to you! This hierarchy is wrong in my opinion (and it's all that it is - my opinion... to each their own ... maybe your girlfriend wants to be treated like shit by a "general" at home. Plenty of weird people out there doing weird shit, not my place to judge).

I recommend to the OP to explore how his wife could play a key role in making a transformational change. He needs a transformational change to come out from "feeling stuck and depressed", as the title of the thread says. My suggestion is to treat your family as if is your team, your source of strength, support, love, joy. For all I know kids and wife may be smarter in business and launch a side hustle that can alleviate the money pressure in a week flat. I don't know anything about this man's family. Maybe they can help him with weight loss? Maybe it's the opposite where his wife needs to tell him what to do for a while to "snap out of it"? I don't know. That's the whole issue.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlKRC-Odk44&ab_channel=Dream4u

"I've been treating people like shit not since I am 5... probably since I am 10..." This is how far I've gotten and couldn't possible take any more of this nonsense. This is your idol? Some old douchebag in a corny suit? C'om man, you are far better than that (I still have hope).

Look, I don't mind your position at all. We are all different.

You be you, I'll be me. My issue is you trying to recruit people to become assholes to their families apparently "for their own good".

I felt compelled to reply because I viscerally disagree on a few points and wanted my voice to be heard by the readers here. But I don't want this to turn into another epic BD vs AF all out war. I've said what I wanted and clarified my position sufficiently. Like I said, you be you, I'll be me. The OP gets to choose what he wants to be. Cool?

What we both agree is already actionable to the OP:

1. Watch your budget
2. Work on yourself and become better. Health, mindset etc.
3. Snap out of your comfort because it's already eating away at you (the "remote work" bullshit). He needs to work harder, a lot harder.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[JordanK]

Has anyone clarified if that 150k is Australian Dollars or US Dollars?

150k AUD is only 100k USD. And that's before tax.
After tax is 100k AUD = 66k USD.

It's a whole different conversation.

 

[gabeb1920]

Has anyone clarified if that 150k is Australian Dollars or US Dollars?

150k AUD is only 100k USD. And that's before tax.
After tax is 100k AUD = 66k USD.

It's a whole different conversation.

It’s AUD and before tax
Probably about $115k AUD after tax. Not sure the conversion to USD

Maybe not as extreme then as people first expect but still lots of room for me to improve

Thanks for the reply and clarification

 

[gabeb1920]

We agree on:

• Advice to the OP to accept things like: I am responsible for my life. My decisions decide the outcome of my life. I own this and I will do what it takes, including having hard conversations, making hard decisions and being courageous.
• Whoever is in poor financial situation must first look at cutting the budget.

What we both agree is already actionable to the OP:

1. Watch your budget
2. Work on yourself and become better. Health, mindset etc.
3. Snap out of your comfort because it's already eating away at you (the "remote work" bullshit). He needs to work harder, a lot harder.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I haven't really known how to reply and have been mostly focused on my health/weight loss efforts this last week.

But I think the above sums up my thinking on where I'm at. I'm beginning by working on things I can directly control: my health, what I eat, how I exercise and my sleep. It's only been a week but I think for sure I feel a little more energy and I am a bit more focused at work. It hasn't translated to business endeavours yet but I'm focusing on one thing at a time starting with my health.

I haven't done much with my finances as yet. My wife was supposed to be starting a new job this week but its been delayed and starting next week however she is already saying she doesn't want to work :/
Hopefully she enjoys the new job and we can have a few weeks of consistent income so we don't struggle week to week as much.
I also need to focus on reducing our spending. Short term I think that mostly means groceries so I need to focus on that more in coming weeks.

I also agree I need to work harder but maybe could use some guidance on where to focus my efforts. Focusing on my health means I want to sleep more than I have been which means less time available. I think the biggest thing is to be diligent during the times when I'm supposed to be working and I do think I'm doing a bit better on that this week with my 9-5. Need to keep getting better though.

I'm curious about 2 things:
1. @Antifragile - your comment about remote work bullshit, what do you mean by that? Are you saying remote work in general is bullshit and just makes people more likely to be lazy? Or in my personal circumstance are you saying I'm using remote work as an excuse for wasting time?

2. The main area I think I can work harder is on my 9-5. But I'm not sure how or if that helps me towards my entrepreneur goals. Or maybe it's a good habit that will translate to entrepreneur goals as time goes on. I can also see how working harder and being more involved in my 9-5 could open up opportunities for both 9-5 career advancement and possibly also I'm more likely to see entrepreneur opportunities if I'm more engaged with the work. Is that what others think too?

Thanks to everyone for their replies, advice and thoughts so far, I really do appreciate it and I'm amazed that anyone has taken the time to reply to some nobody on the internet. It's nice to see people out there do want to help. Thanks you

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Antifragile]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I haven't really known how to reply and have been mostly focused on my health/weight loss efforts this last week.

But I think the above sums up my thinking on where I'm at. I'm beginning by working on things I can directly control: my health, what I eat, how I exercise and my sleep. It's only been a week but I think for sure I feel a little more energy and I am a bit more focused at work. It hasn't translated to business endeavours yet but I'm focusing on one thing at a time starting with my health.

Good work!

I haven't done much with my finances as yet. My wife was supposed to be starting a new job this week but its been delayed and starting next week however she is already saying she doesn't want to work :/

Haha, tell your wife “honey, I am going to get us through this hard situation no matter what it takes, even if it means you working twice as hard!”.

Hopefully she enjoys the new job and we can have a few weeks of consistent income so we don't struggle week to week as much.
I also need to focus on reducing our spending. Short term I think that mostly means groceries so I need to focus on that more in coming weeks.

I also agree I need to work harder but maybe could use some guidance on where to focus my efforts. Focusing on my health means I want to sleep more than I have been which means less time available. I think the biggest thing is to be diligent during the times when I'm supposed to be working and I do think I'm doing a bit better on that this week with my 9-5. Need to keep getting better though.

Correct. Remember the rule with business (work) vs family:

Business: quality of time
Family: quantity of time

I'm curious about 2 things:
1. @Antifragile - your comment about remote work bullshit, what do you mean by that? Are you saying remote work in general is bullshit and just makes people more likely to be lazy? Or in my personal circumstance are you saying I'm using remote work as an excuse for wasting time?

I am a tad biased, but hear me out. It may be @MJ DeMarco who said “how you do anything is how you do everything”. If you take an easy does it attitude with work, it will NOT cut it in business. You need to develop good habits.

Have you ever wondered why is it that remote work is popular in government jobs? In my business, all employees are allowed to work remotely and none done. I wonder why? Sure they sometimes take a WFH day, sometimes more but generally speaking my employees want to be in the office. Pause here for a second, consider why is that the case?

…

To get promotions, you want to be next to people who are able to promote you. You want to be able to observe the environment and solve other people‘s problems. You want to be in the meeting where big decisions are made (and if I am at the office, I am not motivated to “Zoom” call some junior to help him advance his career).

In short to be most useful, you need to know what people need the most, see it with your eyes by walking about and talking to people.

Remote work typically is about better lifestyle. For some, its perfect. But for others it’s a kiss of death. You don’t want to be like “the 99%”. You are already living the life you want to escape.

Does this explain it?

2. The main area I think I can work harder is on my 9-5. But I'm not sure how or if that helps me towards my entrepreneur goals. Or maybe it's a good habit that will translate to entrepreneur goals as time goes on. I can also see how working harder and being more involved in my 9-5 could open up opportunities for both 9-5 career advancement and possibly also I'm more likely to see entrepreneur opportunities if I'm more engaged with the work. Is that what others think too?

Life of entrepreneur is seeing opportunities everywhere. Advancement can get you more money faster. Savings can then help you do a side hustle biz and quit faster …

Thanks to everyone for their replies, advice and thoughts so far, I really do appreciate it and I'm amazed that anyone has taken the time to reply to some nobody on the internet. It's nice to see people out there do want to help. Thanks you

This isn’t some random place on the internet . I’d like to think we are here to help each other become better, spread some of that good karma. One day we all need it. That’s life. Get your life sorted, succeed and then pass it forward.

 

[gabeb1920]

Thanks for the reply

Correct. Remember the rule with business (work) vs family:

Business: quality of time
Family: quantity of time

Love this! I'm going to try to think more along these lines in future

Life of entrepreneur is seeing opportunities everywhere

I agree and MJ and others say the same thing but I struggle to see the opportunities :/
A mindset thing I guess but not exactly sure how to improve on it.

To get promotions, you want to be next to people who are able to promote you. You want to be able to observe the environment and solve other people‘s problems. You want to be in the meeting where big decisions are made (and if I am at the office, I am not motivated to “Zoom” call some junior to help him advance his career).

In short to be most useful, you need to know what people need the most, see it with your eyes by walking about and talking to people.

Remote work typically is about better lifestyle. For some, its perfect. But for others it’s a kiss of death. You don’t want to be like “the 99%”. You are already living the life you want to escape.

Does this explain it?

It does explain it and I do agree though I find myself in a tough spot. I've been an advocate of working from home amongst my team and so for me to flip around and suddenly start attending the office more regularly would be a big change.
I do find huge lifestyle benefits to working from home, especially when my kids were first born and I could spend a bunch more time with them and help the wife around the house more than if I attend the office.
Attending the office for me is around 30 minutes each way extra to my day so it does save time working from home as well as the flexibility to help around the house, do washing, make a fresh lunch, etc. All lifestyle benefits for sure as opposed to helping me in my career.
Lastly my job is data analytics so mostly sitting at my computer, typing/programming and not a lot of interaction with others outside of my immediate team where they all work from home as well. I have found on occasion that when I do attend the office I'm one of only a handful there and get very little additional interaction compared to working from home. Perhaps over time if I attended the office more I'd get more opportunities to interact with others more?

I've also argued that there are a number of large companies in the IT space who are mostly if not entirely WFH and they manage to make it work. Though maybe I'm confusing the success of the business with the success of the employees.

WFH has been a big thing for me and has added a lot to my life, especially with small kids. But I agree it hasn't helped my productivity or career.

Maybe it is time for a change :/
I can feel myself resisting the idea. I like working from home much more and don't enjoy the extra work going into the office :/
Maybe that's reason enough to do it

 

[ChasingDream97]

Now to get the idea, you need to start looking around you. What problems do you see? What frustrates you?
Start carrying a notebook and write things that you think could be done better. If not a notebook then use your phone and record the ideas

Glad to hear my comment was useful.
I think those are the correct steps.

Information overload is a real problem and it can lead to analysis paralysis where you are always chasing the next book/podcast before starting anything.

As MJ said in another thread, at some point you have to stop reading about swimming and simply jump in the water and see what happens.

Trading time at the beginning is normal. I chat with my users regularly and send them detailed video walk-troughs and don't get paid for it. But that's what happens at the beginning to address the teething issues of a new business. As you improve the business =, these chats become less regular because the product becomes self explanatory.

Each call, each email is an opportunity to improve the product. Not time wasted.

For ideas, honestly, just start with something simple and do it very well.
Read this: Unbundling Craigslist Garners Big Funding - $8.87 Billion Raised to Date by Startups

Basically take a big successful service. Then find a small thing that they do but not so well. Then take that thing and make it a product but 10 times better.
Then charge money for it. That's how I came up with my current business.

i never thought about that last part

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Isaac Odongo]

Here's my 2 cents. And I have no wife nor girlfriend nor flourishing business.

Highlights the need to find someone who is going the same direction you are so there's fewer disagreements over life choices and direction.

Why did you fall in love to your wife? Back in the day. I think you saw something good in her.

The comment about making other people's dreams happen and forgetting about my own really hit home

Your wife married you maybe because of that. I don't know but it is part why people marry, to make our dreams come true. That's the reason I will marry. You may want to work together for your dreams.

that inspires.

Leadership that inspires. I think the OP may want to take this direction. But I think here it requires more strength and confidence. I don't know.

I am responsible for my life. My decisions decide the outcome of my life. I own this and I will do what it takes, including having hard conversations, making hard decisions and being courageous.

I don't know how the OP is now fairing in this.

Work on yourself and become better. Health, mindset etc.

Do the exercises and read widely. It has already began helping me.

 

[Simon Angel]

I'm going to be honest, you sound like a very nice guy who's probably whipped by his wife and used to referring to her to make the majority of the decisions.

Your wife needs to pull her weight man. And you need to spend time focusing on yourself and your health.

Because right now you're fat, tired, and taking all the responsibility in terms of finances. You also sound defeatist (if that carries over into your family life, it's definitely not a good look) yet hopeful that you can change your life – as you can and as you should be.

I think the best thing you can do is to realize your marriage is a team effort and start being assertive with your wife about what needs to happen. Deep down, I'm sure you know exactly what that is but you're afraid to say it out loud—don't be.

If it's not clear, you really need to delegate some financial responsibility to her and make time to focus on your physical and mental wellbeing. Stand your ground and have a talk with your wife about what needs to happen rather than asking her what she thinks, 'cause it sounds like she's already setting you up for a "I hate this job and I'm going to quit" event in the near future.

And lastly, this is not in any way a sefish thing to do – it's the right thing to do for your family, not just for yourself.

Even if your wife seems annoyed and pouty that she now has to work instead of rely only on your salary, take solace in the fact that you're doing what needs to be done for your family's sake (and don't forget that you're a big part of that family, so yes, that means for YOUR sake as well).

Eventually, she'll come round and you'll be better for it.

 

[Antifragile]

It amazes me how much confidence comes from people who have no kids, no wife, are in their 20s … and dish out advice and judgement on the OP here.

“BiG men”

Tell her what needs to happen!
Stand your ground!
Don’t be afraid!



Want to hear the real truth?

YOU are responsible for your life and that includes family. Full stop.


Don’t listen to internet kids who know next to nothing about raising kids, having a family etc.

Take control over your own actions, lead from the front!

• Become healthier.
• Become mentally resilient.
• Become happier.
• Become richer.
• Become an example of the change you want to see in others.

Don’t “delegate” your own life and responsibilities. Be responsible.

/rant.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Simon Angel]

It amazes me how much confidence comes from people who have no kids, no wife, are in their 20s … and dish out advice and judgement on the OP here.

“BiG men”

Tell her what needs to happen!
Stand your ground!
Don’t be afraid!



Want to hear the real truth?

YOU are responsible for your life and that includes family. Full stop.


Don’t listen to internet kids who know next to nothing about raising kids, having a family etc.

Take control over your own actions, lead from the front!

• Become healthier.
• Become mentally resilient.
• Become happier.
• Become richer.
• Become an example of the change you want to see in others.

Don’t “delegate” your own life and responsibilities. Be responsible.

/rant.

Who are you arguing with?

You're saying the exact same thing. Get off your high horse.

As for delegating responsibilities am I to assume you work, take care of the kids, and cook and clean around the house while your wife is unemployed and going to hair salons? If so, I would suggest OP never takes advice from you.

 

[Plushy]

I second the 0 carb diet, it's the only one that helped me lose a lot of weight and double my energy. Sugar causes inflammation everywhere, including the blood vessels in your brain, making it harder for it to be oxygenated. It also causes insulin resistance in the brain, starving your brain cells. Your brain is the most important tool for money making, and if it's in pain it screams out in the form of tiredness, confusion and negative thoughts.

And I don't think he should train or control his wife but he can take full responsibility of his life and give her full transparency of what's going on. I think many partners are on board if the changes are for a better future. Divorce or quitting your job shouldnt be the only options. "Listen, I am going to go from 150k a year to 60k a year, I am still going to provide shelter and food for you, but any luxuries might have to be in the future." She is free to earn them herself. Actually if you can make 150k a year goofing off remotely, you have a risk free way and freetime to start your business without losing your income.

And if he starts making healthy changes to his life, she might follow suit. If all your options suck you're not thinking hard enough which is why you have to fix your brain. And don't rely on your wife finding a job nor blame others for your financial situation, think solely about what you can do and control.

At the end of the day, OP is the only one who knows all the details of his life and his family, only he can consider all the details and make the best course forward. Maybe his wife is keeping him down, maybe she is his greatest support. Maybe his kids are a resource sink, or maybe they're his greatest inspiration.

 

[Fox]

I think at the core of all of this is the communication you have with your wife and how you also talk to yourself.
You are in a hole and you both need to be digging in the right direction to get out.

First is to sit down and have a real chat about your values and destination.
Do you really both want to fit, healthy, financial free?

If you don't both truly want that then I don't see the rest working, cause it will require pain.
The pain of sacrifice now and also of huge shifts in your identifies.

So have that conversation - and lay it out all.
- This is how much you are making right now
- This is how much you are saving (nothing)
- In 20 years this will be X amount (nothing x 20)
- So basically we need t get our S**t together

Then same with your diet, your fitness, your relationship etc.

You need to be brutally honest with each other about where you are both going and how bad it could get.

Then use that to get things back on track - and start with the basics.

You don't need to start a business right now. You have way too many basic things to fix first.
If you can't manage yourself and a household together - a business isn't going to help.

But a lot of what you have listed here could be fixed within 6 months of solid effort.
Then you are ready to start 2024 and get a business going.

Have the hard talk, lay it all out, get on the same page, and start with the basics.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Guest12k7911]

OP, many people here are giving you advice to lose weight without having a medical background. If you really want to lose weight and get healthy, you don’t have to start fasting for 24 hours now or going straight into a no carb diet because it’s ‘healthy’. Don’t get me wrong, you can get pretty fit and healthy by following these methods, but you’re already obese. It means that you have terrible habits when it comes to eating and (probably, but not necessarily) exercise. What you should do is to implement healthier habits into your daily life step by step. Otherwise you will probably develop binge eating disorder just like thousands of people who went into a sctrict diet without trying to change their habits first. Also, it’s too easy to give advice about fat loss if you’ve been lean your whole life. I am soon to be a doctor and a former obese guy who suffered from BED for many years.

 

[fastlane_dad]

I briefly skimmed this and there is some good advice sprinkled throughout this thread.

Here are my 0.2c on your situation …

1 - You are doing extremely well financially. Not sure where you are living (not in USA)? But 150K in USA places you in the top 20% of household incomes. You work remote (!). You bring in a good income. Learn to manage that first and foremost.

2 - Forget all this fastlane stuff for a bit. You can still learn / read / implement but first thing you have to do is learn to figure out your budget and spending. Without nailing this portion of your life down and figuring out how to make it work, it will be very difficult to setup a profitable business moving forward.

3 - Health comes first. Figure out how to gain more energy day to day. Figure out meals, sleep, self care before you start dedicating energy to business/fastlane. You don’t need to ‘fast’ or do extreme feats of fitness to improve a bit day by day, but you do need to become aware of what you are putting into your body, and how much physical exercise you are getting daily. Log it and/or be aware of it to start towards your journey.

4 - Business / Fastlane loves to eat up a lot of money / mental health / time / effort and all other resources. You must have an overabundance of each of those in order to properly feed it - and its a beast and will take everything you put towards it. Work on having some surplus of some of those categories. You can still jump in now - but know that significant progress comes with what you are willing to give.

5. Relax and take a deep breath. You have two young kids, a household, a wife etc. It is a VERY hectic time of your life as is. You can always start making progress, dedicating ½ hour or 1 hour a day towards execution on a business currently. I’m sure quitting your job to go all-in on something is out of the question for you currently. @NeoDialectic and I prefer e-commerce as a way to to put CENTS principles in action and work toward an 8 figure exit. You can work at it on your own schedule, remotely and build up something from nothing – we have done it countless times with various products.

Please work towards managing your personal finances / household / time / health / energy well FIRST before looking to expand beyond what you currently have.

Good luck!!