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GOLD! Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

Discussion in 'People & Relationships' started by G-Man, Jan 31, 2017.

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  1. hughjasle
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    hughjasle AutoPilot Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I have 3 kids, 7, 4, and 1. We homeschool. Always have and always will unless they request otherwise.

    Key is being on the same page with your spouse. My wife is amazing and has learned a LOT about homeschooling and basically runs that entire side of the house while I run the finances. We picked a home in a great community full of kids our kids ages. They get plenty of socialization. We have also joined homeschool groups in town that we meet up with all the time for "field trips" get togethers, and sometimes even lessons on certain subjects.

    There is a lot of good material out there for homeschooling all depending on what style you want. From very free range to structured syllabus.

    We love it. Sure we sometimes think how fun it would be to be able to get rid of the kids sometimes and have the day to ourselves while the kids are away at school. I think that's the only negative we have. And even then it's fleeting because best time of the day at the parks/museums/etc. is when all the other kids are in school :)
     
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  2. Longinus
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    Longinus Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    This must be the best advice I heard about children:

     
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  3. CPisHere
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    CPisHere Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    You are saying you disagree, but you haven't pointed to anything of value that isn't easily done without school.
     
  4. IGP
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    IGP Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    You keep using this word "easily"...

    You have 3 kids under the age of 5, I guess you could say it's "easy" now. Come back in 5 years and LMK how "easy" it is.

    I choose to send my kids to school, you want to home school. Great. Who cares?

    I don't need to waste my time giving a dissertation on the value of school, especially when you already have your mind made up about what you want to do.
     
  5. ZCP
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    Quality of the school district is key as well. As @IGP said, don't be an absentee parent.
    We moved to the area we are in specifically for the school district. Our area is full of a lot of people that own businesses, work high up in large companies, and work from home / do sales. So generally, the kids have some concept of the real world. A lot of very actively involved parents helps.

    So we have a good school district that we researched. Then we supplement with 'why' and 'real world' experiences. My kids work and run small businesses. We talk about finances a lot. Supplement with team sports, good coaches, and scout troop activities. Then be actively involved in their lives. Teach them to hold themselves to a high standard.

    I also do my part for the community by going to talk in schools. Usually it is around career day. I end up talking budgets, etc. and 'why' we need money.

    Good stuff about schools: structure, connections, community friends, involvement in sports | chorus | band | academic teams | etc., sense of community, a different voice, learning about hard things in life, social development, exposure to other cultures and opinions, learning to be PC, daycare so we can do things, you pay for it anyway why not use it, ........ all i could think of in 2 minutes......
     
  6. chuckypita
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    My Dad was in the FastLane - left his sales job with Maytag in the mid-1980's to move to Utah and start his own "RC Willey" furniture store. Problem was - he was ahead of his time. He had a HUGE warehouse, tons of inventory, cheap prices, excellent service - but his warehouse was in a poor location.

    Fast forward 10 years.

    Dad has to leave his retail store and go to work for someone else.

    He earned his stripes with his employer and retired after 30 years. Crazy.

    He had 10 mouths to feed. Sacrificed for his kids.

    Now he has 10 offspring with families of their own and he's created a legacy with 40 grandkids.

    2 of his kids are multi-millionaire entrepreneur fast laners.

    What's more valuable - money? Or the legacy he's leaving with his children and grandchildren?
     
  7. G. Wellthy
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    I first got the bug in high school, buried it for awhile to become a lawyer (although a friend and I blew up a small trading fund in about eight minutes when the Asset-Backed Commercial Paper market blew up in 2003) returned to it when I left full-time law to develop a technology five years ago (this is also when I had my first kid... awful timing) and now I'm really ramping up my entrepreneurial focus and trying to convey to wealth creators (that value family) how to think about family legacy... I'm not sure why I rambled that off except to show that I left a great paying job to the highest possible risk startup right when starting a family.

    I think family helped me wake up to how boring and unfulfilled my career was because family life became really really fulfilling.

    I feel like my mistakes (and books like TMF) have really helped hone my personal development and I think my crazy-early focus on family legacy (I'm 36) is partly starting a family and partly reflecting on my career of helping wealthy families save taxes than blow up that savings in estate litigation because they cannot communicate to a common set of values and goals with their siblings...
     
  8. G. Wellthy
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    I think the hardest part to teach wealthy kids is that the money IS powerful but that people that do not have money see how to use it incorrectly. The power is in making better people, not in having nice stuff.

    I learned around the age of 16 (when the really rich kids at my private school started driving fancy cars and I was still driving an old pickup) that there is an unlimited amount of nice stuff to buy and if you focus on it you don't get ahead in life... I didn't have the language yet but coming from wealth means you are more likely to become a sidewalker so be frickin careful about gratitude, stewardship and the value of personal development.
     
  9. G. Wellthy
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    This is the SELF-FAMILY-BUSINESS hierarchy that TEC / Vistage preaches. Makes sense to me: you cannot be a great family man until you've got yourself figured out and you cannot be a good business leader until you've got yourself and your family life figured out
     
  10. G. Wellthy
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    I've found that it is "luck of the draw" on the grade; awful awful jackasses in public school sometimes, horrendously entitled shitty ring leaders in private school sometimes.

    Listen to your kids; they are probably right about the culture in their grade and if it is bad, get them away from it!
     
  11. GoGetter24
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    GoGetter24 Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Perhaps it's just not a simple as homeschool vs school...

    Really, it's the early years that school gets the most right. As long as they're being exposed to social situations, being taught how to read and write, it's pretty hard to get it wrong.

    It's the later years that are the biggest problem. People should be active in the real world by 15, not 23. The problem is a mixture of a diminishing return problem and an insufficient branching speed problem, among others.

    The most damaging thing a parent can ever do is base their parenting around protection. However much you disagree with the way society at large does things: that society is the space in which your kids are going to have to operate. The more insulated they have been, the bigger failures they'll end up on their death beds. They need hardening. And since the beginning of schooling is inherently hardening, and the later stages are softening, that indicates the best way to approach it.

    All parents should be wary of doing what's best for themselves, instead of what's best for their offspring and under that pretense.
     
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  12. max momo
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    max momo Contributor

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    Great thread, fantastic topic (one of the most important) and solid posts!

    Will add what I thought missing: Have the child work IN the business, then ON the business so they have the skills to manage their own money and business down the road.

    Tactic: In the US, if you have a sole proprietorship or partnership, you can pay your child to work in your business. If you pay less than $2,000 per year you do not pay FICA, social security and other employment taxes.

    That @$2,000 per year (a business expense reducing taxable income) then goes into a Coverdell ESA (like an IRA) where profits grow tax free. The benefit of a Coverdell over a 529 plan is you can use tax free growth in the Coverdell to fund educational expenses (not just tuition) and the Coverdell is self directed (you are not very limited in investment choices).

    A 529 plan you can only contribute to a series of limited account options and only use money for tuition.

    In the Coverdell you can use gains for educational expenses. So, the kids get to buy a computer to track their expenses, assets and investments – and eventually can direct those investments – while investing in themselves!

    (The only limitation is the phase out for parents making $220K. In this regard the workaround is you must give 2k to various relatives to open accounts)

    A child earns and directs the growing fruits of their labor in their own security portfolios and spends only on business/life education = many life lessons.

    Hope this helps…
     
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    andyhaus44 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Speaking of parenting books, "How to be a great dad" by Keith Zafren is the best parenting book I've ever read. The cover looks very cheesy but the content inside of it is great.

    If anyone wants my summary, please send me a message. Sharing great content is one of the many things I really enjoy

     
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    Patrickg Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I agree it's so great to go to parks on a Tuesday when the scripted are working and in schools! Really makes you see how many people are scripted...

    Rant /

    I realized this at the lake. Try to go boating Saturday or July 4th... and your fighting traffic all day.

    Go at 1:00 pm on a Wednesday and it's you and one old retired fishermen. And this is a massive lake.

    I love being unscripted!

    / rant over
     
  15. andyhaus44
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    andyhaus44 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I've start introducing a "game token" system so that they have to actually WORK for entertainment, even at this age. Clean their room and they get a 30 minute credit. Help someone or give up something they want to someone else they'll get another. Etc... trying to instill a strong sense of "working for your fun".

    JAJT, does that mean they have to work in order to play video games? (If so, I love it!)
     
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  16. Suzanne Bazemore
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    Suzanne Bazemore Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    @amp0193, I think that if homeschooling kids gives them opportunities such as the ones that your kids are experiencing, then what a great opportunity.
    The following are some points to consider for people who are trying to decide, and keep in mind that I love public schools and teachers (a little personal info, so you know my perspective: I attended both public and private schools. My kids are grown and both attended public schools. I have been a school counselor at all levels in public schools, and I am a former chemistry teacher):
    1. Outsource subjects that are a weakness to the parent. For example, if the parent is bad at math, let someone else teach the kids math.
    2. Each level of education involves different types of patience and skills, and these attributes in the parent might help them determine in which grades they will homeschool their children. I was very comfortable teaching secondary science and even math, but I would have not been comfortable teaching an elementary child how to read. High school teachers in Texas often have a degree or at least a lot of college hours in the subject they teach. It would be hard, in my opinion, for a homeschooling parent to become equally knowledgeable in the broad range of subjects that a public high school in a good school district offers. Probably, though, a local community college might offer dual credit opportunities.
    3. Public schools offer an opportunity for children to socialize with people who are not like themselves or their own families. They will interact (at least in our area) with a very diverse population, both from a socioeconomic and an abilities standpoint. (@amp0193 is achieving this, anyway)
    4. Public schools offer great possibilities for involvement in activiites, from clubs, to sports, to fine arts. Some kids like playing as part of an orchestra, singing in a choir, and being a member of a football team. These opportunities can be provided at home and in the community, too, but they aren't necessarily like the activities-buffet that schools offer.
    5. A kid can squeeze a great education out of a public school.
    6. As a school counselor, problems that I have seen from kids entering the public school system after having been homeschooled are: weaknesses in areas not taught well and difficulty interacting with peers. However, I might only see the cases where homeschooling didn't work, because if it's successful, then I would think that the parent would have no need to enroll their kid in a public school.
    7. Be cautious about planning to reenter public school if high school is already in progress, because validating credits earned could become an issue.
    8. Be cautious about applying my thoughts to your situation, because I don't know your circumstances, you, or your kids, and laws and procedures vary by state and school district.

    I hope this information helps those of you trying to make a decision, or at least helps you avoid some pitfallls.
     
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  17. amp0193
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    amp0193 Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    We aren't homeschooling, we went during the summer.
     
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  18. Suzanne Bazemore
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    Suzanne Bazemore Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    i travelled every summer with my kids, too.
     
  19. G. Wellthy
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    this came up at family dinner recently; my father has seen so many kids over his orthodontic career and has a strong opinion from his personal experiences.

    home schooling can be quite dangerous from a social-growth perspective for the child. While it is true that the educational experience in many schools lacks (and there is room in this community to see the need for "higher" education for teens and build supplementary educational experiences) what it provides in teaching kids to generally interact, to gain empathy, self-esteem, communication skills and most importantly in my opinion, to fail.

    An attitude that "I know best and I can deliver a better education than the public system" is almost resolutely correct. I take no issue with that perspective. But that opinion sits in deep contrast to the public setting, where learning from mistakes, interacting with worse opinions, and possibly even, finding and seeking better opinions is a risk worth taking!
     
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  21. andyhaus44
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  22. amp0193
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    amp0193 Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Thanks for that share, the dude is clearly a master.

    I'm bad about getting pictures printed and framed. Haven't put a new picture of my daughter on the wall in 2 years. I can see the value of it though. I LOVE the idea of framing a pic of the kids doing something they're good at and hanging it in the bedroom.

    Self esteem really is everything.
     
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  23. andyhaus44
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    You're welcome, my pleasure to share it. Here are my takeaways from the video:

    *The reason it's so important to have their self esteem in tact is that all growth occurs when a risk is taken

    *When you want to build high self esteem among young children, the child has to really learn and experience that he's lovable, capable and significant

    *Loveable means time, it means hugging. It means play, it means accepting their feelings as authentic and there's nothing wrong with being angry

    *Provide time for children to talk about their feelings. One of the things Jack teaches is called a Heart Talk, or family time - circle time, where everybody gathers together in a circle and talks about something going on in their life that they have feelings about

    *A technique that's really helpful to build self esteem in young kids is to make sure that in their bedroom, there's a picture of them with the family so they feel connected, they feel apart of something and a picture of something they do really well, like playing a game or maybe they got a baseball bat or they're playing with their dolls but something they enjoy doing, and that they do really well so that every time their lying in bed or they're just in their room, they think "Oh yeah, my family loves me and I'm really good at what I do."

    Significant means that I matter, that other people care about my existence so they need to be listened to

    *One of the greatest skills a parent can learn is reflective listening, which is the idea of repeating back what children say

    By the way, today is my little guys 2nd birthday :)
    Got him a 1 oz silver coin that says "Happy birthday!" plus 1 share of PBS (Freedom) since he likes Daniel Tiger. One of his favorite words right now is "cake" so I got him a Quest birthday cake protein bar for a treat and as a reminder for me to stay fit so I can teach him healthy habits and be a good example (Fitness). This weekend he will be surrounded by my wife and I, his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. (Family)
     
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  24. andyhaus44
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    Brian Tracy’s 21 key ways to love your child:

    Tell them how important they are all the time

    Praise them regularly. Praise them often. Praise them for anything that's big or small; that raises their self esteem more than anything else

    Accept and love them unconditionally. Refuse to be judgmental or critical. Smile at them whenever you see them. Teach them so that you're so glad to see them. Every time you walk in, you should brighten up like a Christmas tree

    Tell them how proud you are of them for everything that they do. Children love to be told how proud their parents are of them

    Get down to their level physically when you relate to them. Sit down at a low level - at eye level - get down onto the floor with them. Get down to their level - hunker down if you like and be cool

    Appreciate them and thank them for everything that they do. There's nothing like the words "thank you" to make a child feel valuable and important. Repeat it over and over

    Never criticize them for something that can't be changed, which means don't criticize them for past events. If they make a mistake, discuss it, decide what they've learned and then let it go and never bring it up again

    Never complain or try to make them feel guilty for not pleasing you in some way. Remember, you're the parent; the child's job is not to please you. The child's job is to realize his or her potential

    Pay close attention to them when they talk or express their opinions. Listen to them closely like they were your boss at work and when you listen to your children closely, they feel valuable and important, and it has an effect on their whole lives

    Admire them for their accomplishments, large and small. Whenever they accomplish anything, say "Boy that's really great!"

    Compliment them for every achievement. Everybody loves a compliment, it really raises self esteem

    Tell them that you love them all the time. You cannot tell a child too much too often that you love them. By the way, you can practice that with your spouse as well

    Always expect the best. Always believe in them. Always tell them "I have complete confidence in you. I expect you to do well."

    Put everything aside when they have a need or when they want to talk to you. Turn off the television. Shut your newspaper. Close the book. Put everything apart and listen to them single mindedly, like they're the most important people in the world

    Never use your adult power to force them or make them do things. Rather than that, discuss and get agreement. Don't use your power - "You do this my way or you're going to be in trouble." All that does is it makes them angry, it makes them buy their time to get even. Instead, talk to them as equals. Discuss, negotiate and agree. Tell them what you want them to do, tell them what you feel is best and why

    Talk to them as though they are mature, intelligent people - even when they're infants. Even when they're children, never use baby talk. Always use straight, honest talk and they'll grow up and that's the way they'll talk to you

    Ask for their opinions on matters that affect them. Ask for their opinions about their school, about where we go for dinner, about what we do in our Christmas vacation about how we spend our time. Always ask for their input so that they'll know that their inputs are important

    Tell them about your work, what you do and ask for their insights and ideas. "What do you think about this?" and "What do you think about that?" and "I've got this problem at work; how would you handle it?" Sometimes kids will come up with ideas that'll just knock you out of their socks they're so good

    Bring them small gifts and leave them little notes whenever you can

    Make it clear that you love them 100%, 100% of the time

    Treat your spouse with love and respect in their presence. The kindest thing that you can do for your children is to love your husband or love your wife on their presence - that will do more for them to grow up strong, confident and able to form long lasting, happy relationships and raise great children like your raising great children as well
     
  25. andyhaus44
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    andyhaus44 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Thank you for the rep, @Andy Black

    By the way, it gets better ;)

    Here is Brian Tracy’s ‘Secrets of Raising Super Kids’

    One of the most important things that we do as a parent is when your children are in any thing at school - at any age - crawl over broken glass to be there. Physically be there on the audience, even if your child has a 5 or 10 second walk on part, because kids will never say this but there's something so extraordinary for them to know that their parents are out there smiling and cheering for them; it's absolutely wonderful

    Males learn their ideas of how to treat women by looking at the way their father treats their mother. The greatest thing that you can do for your children is to love their mother. The greatest thing for your children overall is to love your spouse

    It takes about 15 years to teach a child table manners

    It's not a great idea to make children clean their plate because if you're taught to clean your plate, what will happen is you'll start to feel guilty if you don't eat everything that's put in front of you and sometimes what's put in front of you is too much, or maybe you put too much there so telling children to eat until they're satisfied - when they're no longer hungry - is a good habit for children to develop

    You must become the greatest single source of love, encouragement and unconditional positive regard and reinforcement for your child. Children come into the world and they respond to the people who love them the most. If you want to have an inordinate impact on your children, you become the primary source of love and respect in their life.

    Children have an incredible need for love and touching during the formative years. You cannot love and touch a child too much when they're in their infant years. As they get a little bit older, they won't need it as much but when they're young, you can't give them too much

    With regards to effective parents, they are very clear about their values, about their behaviors and about what is acceptable. Good parents create clear boundaries

    The greater clarity you have with regard to what is right and wrong behavior and what is acceptable and not acceptable without being rigid or destructively critical, the happier and healthier your children will be

    Effective parents have positive expectations of their children. They expect their children to do well and they express this in word and deed

    Here's one of the rules, one of the great rules of life: Never criticize your child for something they can't change. Never criticize a child for something they can't change. All past events are things they can't change. You never criticize a child for making a mistake, for dropping the ball, for getting into trouble

    When your kid gets into trouble, what you do is say "Well, you got into trouble - tell me what happened." Say "What did you learn?" "Well I learned this. Next time this happens, I'm not going to do that." then say "Well that's a good lesson. You know I had this happen to me once and you know one of the things I learned?"

    Talk about it as though it happened to a neighbor child. Just throw it off but you never criticize your children for something they can't change, because if you criticize a child for something that had happened in the past, it makes them frustrated, it makes them defensive, it makes them angry. They can't do anything about it so what you do is you say "Alright. What did we learn from this experience?" and especially these words: "What are you going to do next time? What are you going to do the next time this happens?"

    Force your kids to think about what they're going to do next time and you'll be absolutely amazed at how positive they are, how smart they are, how much smarter they become, how they help their friends evaluate, they evaluate themselves and so on

    Give your children 100% unconditional love by telling them from the time they are infants "I love you 100%, 100% of the time. I will never love you anything less than 100%. I will never love you 99% - it's always 100%. That doesn't mean that we won't argue and we won't disagree but by gum, I love you 100%." Make it clear there's nothing your children can do in the entire world that would ever cause you to love them less than 100%

    Every so often, Brian asks his children, "How much do I love you?" and they say "100%." Now that they're grown up, he asks them "Do you ever doubt how much I love you?" and they say "Absolutely not. You love us 100% no matter what you say or no matter what we do."

    Whenever Brian has to come down on his kids, he says "You know, I love you very much, but you mustn't do this." "I love you very much, but you've got to stop doing that." "I love you very much but you mustn't poke your little sister." "I love you very much, but you mustn't run around with that because you could get hurt." He always precedes a set of instructions with "I love you very much, but.." so it's very important

    One of the most important things you do for your family is basically you setup a mission statement for your family - you decide in advance what your family mission statement is going to be. Here is Brian's, which is most consistent with that of most happy families: "To create an environment where each child feels free to realize his or her potential within a climate of love, appreciation, respect and safety."

    One of the most important things you do in a family philosophy is you cultivate values and the two most important values are the values of truthfulness and responsibility.

    If you want to grow children with strong character who become leaders with wisdom, tenacity, purpose, high levels of self confidence and self esteem, give them lots of responsibility. Give them age appropriate responsibilities. The more responsibility you give them, the better you'll bring them up

    The other value that you raise your children with is truthfulness - encourage them to always tell the truth

    When Brian gave his kids a daddy promise, they knew that they could take that to the bank and so they'd say "Is that a daddy promise?" He'd say "No, that's not a daddy promise. I'll do my best here but I can't promise you." Or he would say "Yes, that's a daddy promise." As soon as they heard it was a daddy promise, they would light up and walk away because they knew it was a slam dunk

    One of the most important things you do is to have family dinners as often as you possibly can and leave the television and radio off when you're having family dinner. Make it a rule to never have the television on when the family is eating together because when the television is off, a vacuum is created. When a vacuum is created, what happens is everybody talks to each other and as they're eating, because it releases endorphins in their brain, they warm up and they become more personable and they talk, share and exchange what's going on in their lives

    At the family dinner table, you make that one of the most enjoyable places of your life. You'll always talk and exchange - especially you ask them how they're doing, ask them how their day was. "What was the best thing that happened to you today?" "What did you learn today?" "What's going on in your life?" Encourage your children to kind of lead the conversation at the family dinner table

    If you raise your children so that they are honest and they have a reputation for honesty and if they accept responsibility, those two qualities will raise them as leaders

    How do you raise responsible children with self-mastery, self-control, self-discipline? There's only one way and that is to be a role model yourself. Children observe their parents and ignore anything their parents say. They watch their parents hundreds and thousands of times and children absorb like a sponge

    One of the most wonderful things you can say to your children is "I made a mistake. I'm sorry, I was wrong." and go and tell them "I'm not perfect." - especially if ever you shout at your children

    One of your jobs is to create big chunks of time - 30, 60, 90 minutes - take your children for drives and never listen to the radio when you're driving with a child. When you're driving with your child, ask them questions and just listen

    Leave the television off. Leave the music off. Get out, walk around. Create large chunks of time so you can just hang and connect with your children

    They studied 8,000 schools and hundreds of thousands - millions of students - to find out what are the great predictors of scholastic success and #1 is the parents attitude toward their schoolwork - is parents encourage their children to do their school work, parents encourage their children to do their homework. Parents ask about their homework and make sure it's done
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2019
    amp0193 and Andy Black like this.

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