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GOLD Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

Discussion in 'People & Relationships' started by G-Man, Jan 31, 2017.

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  1. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I know that the forum can't be solely made up of 19yrd olds that aspire to boats n' hoes, so I'd like to solicit stories of how the folks on here that are parents raise their children to have a fastlane outlook on life.

    A lot of folks use family responsibilities as an excuse to stay in the slowlane, but for me personally, I got about 10x more motivated to go fastlane when I found out Mrs G-man was preggo, and about 100x more motivated since I have to look at 8 week old Mini G-man every day when I leave for work.

    Any and all personal experience is welcome. I'm singling out @Vigilante and @ChickenHawk a little too, since it was one of Vig's remarks on another thread that made me think more deeply about this.

    For now the only parenting advice I have is: If your kid is fussy, slinging him around the room to Sam & Dave works wonders.
     
  2. danoodle
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    danoodle Freedom Seeker Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Having a kid (now almost 17 months old) made me a lot more motivated to get my personal issues in order more so than my fastlane endeavors. I was able to get over extreme video game addiction, anger issues (still working on but vastly improved), start working out regularly and has been one of the most difficult/awesome/crazy/amazing experiences of my life. It has been very motivating to get my personal shit together so I don't pass on my issues to him. I want him to have so many opportunities and try and help him become the best version of himself he can be.

    My only advice would be to become the best version of yourself you can be, and to have an open mind and let your kid follow their own path. All you can give is unconditional love, your child may not even want to become an entrepreneur and that is ok. All you can do is support them the best you can. Actions speak louder than words and leading by example is definitely the way to go.
     
  3. ChickenHawk
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    ChickenHawk Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Congrats on the new addition to your family! About helping a child have a Fastlane mentality, alas, I'm still a few years away from knowing how well we've done in that department, so I don't think I'm quite qualified to offer insight just yet. Some days, I feel like an absolute failure as a parent (like when I saw the last report card...don't ask!), while other days, I'm convinced that we're doing a pretty good job.

    So I'm going to be obnoxious and offer some other advice. If at all possible, keep your family together, even if times get tough. Just by giving him a loving, stable family, you'll be providing him with a huge advantage in every aspect of his life...but I bet you know that already.

    You sound like a great dad, by the way! He sounds like a lucky kid! :)
     
  4. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    This is definitely true, so it's a good thing me and Mrs G-man don't believe in divorce. It was actually this topic on the other thread that spurred me to solicit people's experiences. I pointed out that I had an "unfair advantage" in life because I had both parents at home, and their relationship was respectful. @Vigilante mentioned his son was the fastest learning intern he'd ever had, and I pointed out that Vig Jr. has the "unfair advantage" of having seen Vig's worldview.

    Anybody that has kids that became entrepreneurial at a young age, feel free to chime in.


    He is. He looks like his mother.
     
  5. MidwestLandlord
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    MidwestLandlord Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I have 2 daughters, 9 & 6.

    I struggle with this, I won't lie.

    On one hand they see and hear me talk about making money without trading time for it, being an entrepreneur, and so on.

    But on the other hand they have teachers talking about "getting good jobs", a school schedule that is Mon-Fri (5 for 2) so they think that is the "norm", and my other family members that are very good at teaching a sidewalker mentality.

    I often feel like my voice is drowned out by the other influences in their life.

    My wife and I have a fairly strong marriage, and she supports me in my fastlane endevours, but she is 100% content to be in the slowlane herself (nothing wrong with that), so my kids have that influence too. (she has 2 degrees and works a high paid professional job)

    I see it like this:

    If they choose to be sidewalkers: I failed.

    If they choose to be slowlaners: I succeeded. At the very least they'll know how to have passive income assets so that they can make money when not working.

    If they choose to be fastlaners: I succeeded. But I won't push them into this if that is not where they want to be.

    My biggest priority is to teach them that the sidewalk, slowlane, and fastlane are all options available to them and that they are responsible and accountable for the choices they make.

    I won't have society tell them which road to take. That's for them to decide. But they WILL know that these roads exist.
     
  6. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    That sounds like a pretty healthy way to look at it. It wouldn't be so terrible to me if Mini G got a high paid professional job (as long as its not accounting. I don't want my son to have the spirit crushing experience of staring at spreadsheets for 10+hrs a day like I do).

    My concern is he'll get fastlane from me, slowlane from mom and my parents, sidewalk from her family and school, although I think at this point we're leaning toward homeschooling. Have several years to go, though obviously.
     
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  7. MidwestLandlord
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    I was home-schooled for a lot of my school years. Parents pulled me out of school after I got stabbed and went to the hospital in 3rd grade. It was sort of a rough school lol.

    It's a quick recipe to make a socially retarded hermit if you're not careful...so make sure Mini G gets out of the house and has friends!

    Haha on the accounting...my wife is an accountant and I am 4 classes away from an accounting degree myself. No way I'd ever be an accountant though...
     
  8. Raoul Duke
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    Raoul Duke The Horrendous Space Kablooie Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I like Andy Frisella. He has made excellent points about children. He wrote a children's book recently. Now, I do not have any children. So, I can not say if it is legit or not.

    http://otisandcharley.com/
     
  9. JAJT
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    JAJT Ha Ha! Business Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I have a 4 and 6 year old girl and boy. Love them to death.

    I try to inject "fastlane mindset" (or success attitudes) in everything they already love doing rather than trying to lecture them.

    My son LOVES video games, chess, board and card games, sports, etc... any time he cheats I explain pretty clearly that he's not a winner if he cheats and there's no pride in it. I explain that every loss is a learning opportunity. When he gets upset at losing I tell him it's okay to be upset but it's not okay to be a sore loser. When he half-asses a game I explain very clearly that if he wants to play a competitive game he should play to win because that's the point of the game - it's perfectly okay to lose and having fun is important but the object of the game is to win.

    My daughter loves dancing and singing and pretending and basically all the "girl stuff". I tell her she should be proud of everything she does, confident, to get out there and show others how she sings and to sing loudly, if she hides behind me in front of new people I bring her front and center and happily show her how there's nothing to be afraid of, and if she decides she can't do something before she tries I pretty much make her do it to show her how talented she is and how much she can still learn and get better.

    I've start introducing a "game token" system so that they have to actually WORK for entertainment, even at this age. Clean their room and they get a 30 minute credit. Help someone or give up something they want to someone else they'll get another. Etc... trying to instill a strong sense of "working for your fun".

    Making them clean up after themselves has been rough but shows that the world isn't going to clean up the messes they make. And that's it's wrong to assume so.

    When they talk about work my wife and I explain that we work to make money to buy things. Everything costs money. Everything. If you buy x you can't buy y. If you want pizza today there's no buying toys tomorrow. We've given them their own money (we need a more structured merit-based allowance system though) and we've let them spend it all in one shot so they can see that when they want the next thing they have no more money because they already spent it. "But how do I get more?" Ahaha, got you. Work my child. Work. They literally cannot wait to start lemonade stands and mowing lawns and shoveling snow to make more money than their friends.

    Anyway - we're not hard asses and likely give in more than we enforce this stuff (if my daughter looks at me just right I'm pretty sure she can get anything she wants out of me already, her teenage years are going to bankrupt me I'm sure of it) but we try whenever possible to make every opportunity a learning opportunity with the emphasis on successful habits and mindsets and the results of effort. Never a victim or "hand-out" mentality.

    And nothing feels better when you watch them play, something happens, and they echo a lesson you've taught them in the past. "Hey, you cheated, if you cheated you didn't really win", "we've going on vacation because my mommy and daddy work a lot", "I want to play again and again and again so I can get better and stop losing". You're god damn right :)
     
  10. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Best response so far. Repped.
     
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  11. CPisHere
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    CPisHere Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    The Millionaire Fastlane is, basically, taking "the red pill" - opting for a better, though more painful, path than the rest of society. It's questioning deeply held beliefs. The same logic must be applied to parenting.

    We send my son to Montessori, and will un-school him after that. We will not put him on a soccer team or fill our calendars with his sports obligations. He can pursue an individual sport (wrestling is my preference) but must excel at it to continue. I plan to do much the same with my daughter, though probably tennis or swimming as a sport lol.
     
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  12. amp0193
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    amp0193 Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I've got a 2 year old daughter, with a son coming in April.

    When it comes to time with your kid, quantity is greater than quality.

    People/gurus/columnists who say "make time for 1 on 1 quality time with your kid once a week" are on the sidewalk.

    How about make 4-8+ hours of time a day for your kid, by being in the fastlane, and having all the time in the world.

    Whatever values and influence you wish to impart on your children, will surely have more impact if you are simply always there and available.


    Not to mention, when you have free time, you can do cool shit for/with your kid.

    In the past month:
    • I built a tree house with a sandpit underneath
    • I built a 12 foot rock wall in the backyard for the kid (complete with harness/belay system).
    • We've been to the library multiple times.
    • We're spending tomorrow at a museum in Dallas.
    • Read books together for 1-2 hours a day, daily.
    • Been to every playground in town multiple times.
    • Will take her fishing for the first time this week.
    • Sang the ABC song with her about 10,000 times.

    Because I can take a trip/vacation whenever I want, she's going to be closer to her grandparents than I ever was to mine. We plan on making the trip to see my folks 4-5 times a year. Last summer, we spent 2 months in Sweden, and we plan to spend ever summer in a new far-off destination. International travel teaches you things that you could never learn in a geography/history book. People who say it's no fun to travel with kids, haven't done it right. Rent a kid-friendly airbnb with a playroom.

    I hope to be sufficiently far enough along in the fastlane to where I can homeschool my kids completely, when they come to that age. As a former teacher, I've got a pretty negative view on our school systems, and I feel like I could just do it better myself.


    I think the fastlane opens doors to a whole side of parenting that most people never get to experience. Fastlane Parenting is immersive.

    Sidewalk Parenting is an afterthought that you do for 1 hour in the morning and 1-2 hours in the evening. And then some time on the weekend where your kids watch you do chores around the house.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2017
  13. MidwestLandlord
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    Congrats!

    (and excellent post!)
     
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  14. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Agreed. I feel like every day I'm gone I miss out on little snippets of his life that I will never be able to get back.

    Congrats on the son on the way, and great post. Rep+
     
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    CPisHere Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Awesome post!

    Just clarification, but QUALITY of time is vitally important. Meaning - if you are near your child but they are staring at the TV and you are staring at your phone - that barely qualifies as time together.
     
  16. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I've noticed that there is a constant exchange of baby clothes, etc between young mothers. I feel like there has to be a fast lane opportunity, possibly in just providing a social media platform for these exchanges to take place, but I'm not sure.

    I'm also fairly confident I'm being trolled by the makers of baby clothes. Every time he starts screaming in public or projectile vomits in my face, he's wearing a onesie that says "God's little blessing" or something like that.
     
  17. Vigilante
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    Vigilante Legendary Contributor Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    I am writing to you somewhere in the middle of the ocean in-between Jamaica and Cosumel, Mexico. We're on one of the world's largest cruise ships, with a gold pass that gets us access to private amenities that I would guess are limited to maybe 5% of the passengers.

    My son was in town when we left, as he arrived to do an internship for my company to finish his college degree. So, luck of timing allowed him to come along and experience the best of what a week in the Caribbean has to offer. The lessons weren't lost on him as regularly we would talk about how the company continued to generate income while we are at sea. The conversation drifted to other types of business income, including REI that I have almost zero experience in. However, it is the system thought process from the Millionaire Fast Lane that counts, not necessarily the specific business vehicle.

    Those who know me know that I have a larger than normal age span of children. So, with our youngest we have the pleasure and pain of doing things differently than we did the first time around. The main goal for her is to bring her up grounded in reality as she will have a lot of experiences (like this trip) that the others would never have had.

    I think a large component of success with our older children is bringing them up with a firm religious footing (what ever faith that may find your family in). They benefited from the discipline of religious thought, the routine, the knowledge that there are higher responsibilities than self, and having an anchor point for their morality. This certainly falls into the arena of "do as I say, not as I do" as I am far from a Christ-like example. The danger in teaching kids about spiritual things is at some point they'll realize the hypocrisy of it, but at the same time that knowledge will come at a time when they are wise enough to realize that we all fall short. It's the pursuit that guides the imperfect path.

    Also, parents, give yourself a break. Kids dispositions play a HUGE role in your "success" as a parent. When I was younger I thought we were "super parents" and looked with disdain at kids who were less perfect than mine. Then, my youngest came along. She's the holy terror that this morning yelled a hearty greeting across the length of the entire gold key dining hall to her older brother, causing a smiling good morning from everyone within a 100 yard distance that was now aware of her presence. Shit happens. She's a kid. As a parent, give yourself a break. You're not going to get everything right.

    Fastlane? The best thing that ever happened to my son was working retail at Auto Zone during his college years. I could have spared him that, but I wouldn't have done him any favors by doing so. He got to see the mechanics of a large corporation - how they work, what they do well, and what they fail miserably at. He got to be the boss of people 20 years older than him. Mostly, he got to spend a lot of time watching how people interact, and how life decisions culminate in your circumstances and outlook. And, he got paid by AutoZone to study life. They're a shitty, heartless employer and I liked that for him even more. A blast of reality right in the face.

    If I could do it all over again for them, I would give them more uncompensated chores, more responsibility earlier, and I'd be more intentional about teaching. Unfortunately most people like me have kids when they are too young to really understand what is at stake. I'd be methodical about their education on life. I'd invest more time in them. I would worry less about teaching them "fast lane" as that becomes somewhat innate to someone who grows up around entrepreneurial pursuits. My kids have had the ability to do business podcasts, ship packages, and work cash registers at our company owned businesses. Simply having them participate is part of how they learn to fly.

    And letting them fail. Hardest thing for a parent to do is to watch your kids fail, knowing you could intercede, and not intercede.

    My oldest daughter bought her own plane tickets to come see us at Christmas time. She knew she didn't have to... but it is yet another sign that she's ready for the world on her terms. Our job there is nearly complete, just as we're at the beginning stages with my youngest. I am just trying to get my youngest to not poke the lady in front of us in the elevator. Baby steps.

    Life is a collection of a correction of errors. Let your kids learn from you. Hopefully be a better example to them than I have been over the years to my kids. Measure your words carefully. Things I have said years ago (a single word, a single sentence) still resonate in the memories of people I have said it to. Like a fired bullet, once it's out there you can't get it back. Tame your tongue. Measure your words.

    And love every single moment of it because it goes fleetingly faster than you can ever imagine it might. From pigtails to brides dresses... it happens in a blink of an eye.

    Next step for us? Being the most kick ass, candy buying, helicopter riding grandparents we could ever be. The third chapter of life is going to be all about investing time in the things that are important. Faith, family, fun, charity. That's it. Nothing else matters.
     
  18. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I agree, and I had that from my parents, so I'm not worried about that too much. He might get a little bit of the using Jesus as an excuse for your economic failures line from his mom's parents, though.

    Gold and repped.

    EDIT: Thanks for taking the time for such a thorough response, btw. I was particularly interested to hear your thoughts on this subject after the comments you made about your son elsewhere.
     
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  19. JAJT
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    JAJT Ha Ha! Business Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    This reminded me of something we do with our children in the "giving" and "selfless" nature of things.

    My kids both LOVE giving away their toys and books and clothes and anything they no longer use to other kids who have less than them.

    It's not unusual for my wife or I to be helping the kids clean their room and they'll come up to us with an item of theirs (even some of the nicer things) and say "Daddy/Mommy, I really want someone who doesn't have much to have this, can we donate it? I don't use it anymore. It will make them so so happy!". Brings a smile to my face every time.

    Now, from a practical standpoint, clearing out the old to make way for the new is a necessity, but framing it around the idea of helping others instead of "throwing away" has really helped shape their attitude towards what they have and knowing what others do not. They know there are kids without nice toys, or books, or clothes and their first reaction these days isn't to hoard things or throw things away but rather to pass it along and help someone else out.

    This is a major reason I don't necessarily regret quitting my job before I technically financially should have.

    When I had a full time job I saw my kids on weekends. Kind of. Mon-Fri I woke them up to drop them off at daycare and by the time I got home after the commute it was time for dinner and bed. I'd say I'd have maybe half an hour of "real" time with them during the daily grind. The weekend would come and instead of playing we'd be dragging them all over town or ignoring them to focus on the other things we had to do - groceries, shopping, family visits, cleaning, laundry, etc... We sure had a few great hours on the weekends, don't get me wrong, but it never really felt like quality time.

    Now that I'm working from home I'm the last thing they see getting on the bus for school and the first thing they see getting off when they get home. I'm a full time parent now instead of a weekend dad. Feels good.
     
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  20. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    TBH, this is one of the main things I'm struggling with right now. I work 10-12 hr days plus a longass DFW commute during the week. I end up in the office at least one day every weekend, and I'll be there both days this weekend. My basic gamble is that getting this company to the exploding point means working nights and weekends now, but could mean not really "working" ever again, starting at some point 3 or so years in the future.

    The reason I struggle with it is that we'd be fine for a year or so without an income now. It wouldn't be a dilemma if I didn't have the choice but to keep working.

    EDIT: To be clear, not asking the forum to make a major life choice for me, but I'd be lying if I said that dilemma wasn't in the back of my mind while reading people's thoughts on this subject.
     
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  21. Greg Rutkowski
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    Teaching your kids the Fastlane is like imposing your beliefs on them.

    It may best to show them through your own actions and let them decide for themselves.

    Showing your kids how not to trade time for money is most likely more effective than telling them.

    It's like making them play soccer when all they want to play is football.
    Or forcing them to have the mindset of one political party over another.
     
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  22. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    100% agree with this statement.

    Really don't care about sports, and political parties even less.

    Do "teaching" and "imposing" necessarily have to be the same thing? As Vig pointed out above, ultimately they're their own person with their own inclinations and they'll have their own life experiences that result in a belief system that may or may not be similar to yours. As a parent who loves your child, if you have firm beliefs about what's right/wrong, and the choices that can make life better/worse, how could you possibly not try to guide the kid down that path?

    I'm guessing you're talking more about "don't be a dictator that tries to forces conformity from your children and will disown them if they go down a road you don't agree with?"
     
  23. JAJT
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    JAJT Ha Ha! Business Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Isn't proper parenting all about imposing your beliefs on them until they are capable of making decisions for themselves? At least up until they are at an age to think things through properly?

    Don't get me wrong - you HAVE to walk the walk and lead by example. That's a given. Even very young children know what hypocrisy is even if they've never heard the word before. So I 100% agree that you can't teach your children anything regarding behavior without demonstrating it yourself. If you yell at people angrily all the time you can't extol the virtues of keeping cool under pressure.

    But I see nothing wrong with telling your children the law of the land on matters that they simply don't have the experience or critical thinking skills necessary to make on their own.
     
  24. Greg Rutkowski
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    Greg Rutkowski Act, Assess, Adjust Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    That is correct.

    Vig was the one who inspired my first reply.

    If you do not want to look at it from a sports or political prospective, you may want to look at it from a religious prospective.

    If your kid wants to learn the Fastlane, by all means fast track that.

    Show them and let them decide. If they ultimately chose the slowlane, so be it.

    We here all believe this to be "the right way" but the majority of other people don't feel the same. If they did, this forum may not even exist.
     
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  25. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Got it. Totally agree, too. Like I said above, if Mini G ends up with a decent professional career, and he's happy, I'm happy with that too.