Dealing with negative thoughts

[perrier]

Hello, I’ve noticed a problem about me - I keep thinking about negative stuff even though I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t.

Example from today, I’m sorry it’s so long but it gives context how it works:

I went inline skating on a dam at a lake. It’s a place where you can’t go in a car so it’s good for skating, dog walking and just sitting by the lake with friends mostly in the evenings, a lot of people there are drinking beers and stuff. Everything is great except there are no trash cans there so in the mornings there are a lot of leftover bottles just standing there from the night before. And here I am thinking about it and getting angry because it’s been like that for years and clearly nothing is going to change with peoples behaviour there and yet putting a single trash can there is too hard for authorities.

After some rambling in my head about it and thinking about this negative thing I then notice the other problem of that place - there are a lot of graffiti on there, it’s mostly just some writings, a lot of it is kinda funny to be fair but I then remember how I hate it when I’m visiting big cities and everything is destroyed by graffiti and how I hate all people that do this. I’m now starting an online store so I think - what if I open a brick and mortar store for it and it will get damaged by these people that don’t respect anything. It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset. I then realised how little sense being so negative has yet I was still in a bad mood.

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

 

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[Greg Black]

Hello, I’ve noticed a problem about me - I keep thinking about negative stuff even though I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t.

Example from today, I’m sorry it’s so long but it gives context how it works:

I went inline skating on a dam at a lake. It’s a place where you can’t go in a car so it’s good for skating, dog walking and just sitting by the lake with friends mostly in the evenings, a lot of people there are drinking beers and stuff. Everything is great except there are no trash cans there so in the mornings there are a lot of leftover bottles just standing there from the night before. And here I am thinking about it and getting angry because it’s been like that for years and clearly nothing is going to change with peoples behaviour there and yet putting a single trash can there is too hard for authorities.

After some rambling in my head about it and thinking about this negative thing I then notice the other problem of that place - there are a lot of graffiti on there, it’s mostly just some writings, a lot of it is kinda funny to be fair but I then remember how I hate it when I’m visiting big cities and everything is destroyed by graffiti and how I hate all people that do this. I’m now starting an online store so I think - what if I open a brick and mortar store for it and it will get damaged by these people that don’t respect anything. It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset. I then realised how little sense being so negative has yet I was still in a bad mood.

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

Recognizing that you are doing this is a major breakthrough to solving it. I was the same. Looking back I can see that my Mum was really negative, so I had that mindset from a child. I also think it could be partly genetic. You may not fully overcome this, but, everytime you catch yourself, dispel those thoughts. It will take time and effort, but now you see the problem you can gradually retrain yourself to think differently.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Hello, I’ve noticed a problem about me - I keep thinking about negative stuff even though I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t.

Example from today, I’m sorry it’s so long but it gives context how it works:

I went inline skating on a dam at a lake. It’s a place where you can’t go in a car so it’s good for skating, dog walking and just sitting by the lake with friends mostly in the evenings, a lot of people there are drinking beers and stuff. Everything is great except there are no trash cans there so in the mornings there are a lot of leftover bottles just standing there from the night before. And here I am thinking about it and getting angry because it’s been like that for years and clearly nothing is going to change with peoples behaviour there and yet putting a single trash can there is too hard for authorities.

After some rambling in my head about it and thinking about this negative thing I then notice the other problem of that place - there are a lot of graffiti on there, it’s mostly just some writings, a lot of it is kinda funny to be fair but I then remember how I hate it when I’m visiting big cities and everything is destroyed by graffiti and how I hate all people that do this. I’m now starting an online store so I think - what if I open a brick and mortar store for it and it will get damaged by these people that don’t respect anything. It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset. I then realised how little sense being so negative has yet I was still in a bad mood.

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

Hey Perrier, it's a tough spot to be in. I've definitely seen this in many people and have done it myself. In your example of the grafitti that's annoying you and having negative thoughts as a result, you care a lot about things that you shouldn't in my opinion. I think the secret here is to stop caring about things that are out of your control, because it doesn't make sense otherwise. You also have expectations, and one of them is that the dam should be clean for example. You shouldn't have these expectation for 2 reasons. Some people are pigs and will drop shit everywhere and having an expectation like this will lead you to disappointment.

So in a nutshell, drop any expectations that you have and accept things for what they are instead of how they should be. We could all ramble all day, how the world is F*cked and how it should be this way instead of that way, but it does you no good. Accepting reality is critical.

The other thing you could do, in your example to the brick and mortar store, is to flip those negatives in a positive. You could say for example, "there is a possibility that they will break my store but what are the actual chances? What are the statistics on this? It probably isn't that high. Also what if my store succeeds? I can easily replace those damaged items"

Hope this helped, all the best to you!

 

[Andy Black]

1)

It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset.

now you see the problem you can gradually retrain yourself to think differently.

2) Try breathing deeply and appreciating what you have around you. Still that mind and negative thoughts. Be aware of the wind moving the leaves, and the birds singing in the trees.


3) As for your store…

“Overthinking is the art of solving problems you don’t have.”

“What’s the best that could happen?”


4) Small changes in the way you think or see things can make a big difference.

Maybe this thread might help:

• Yes, but... (no, Yes, and!)

 

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[Andreas Thiel]

I think I went as far as I could towards positive thinking, but as bad things keep happening and there is no progress in any of my endeavors, I keep being dragged into negative thoughts again and again.
For me, it has become a kind of dance back and forth between the two, with only a little effort involved to intervene when I realize I am on a negative trajectory.

To help with positive thinking, I suggest: read about positive technological visions and watch TED talks, then regulary ask yourself: "What Could Be?"
"Abundance: The Future is Better Than You Think" is a good book for that. The TED talk about "Hedonistic Sustainability" shows how the world could move in a more positive direction without primarily depending on sacrifices.

How would this skating place ideally be run? How could it be improved? What would it look like without the trash issues?
Can be a pure thinking / visualization exercise.
I think from there I looked into the role of incentives. "Freakonomics" and "The Power of Habit" both give an idea of how leaders can analyze a situation and then tweak the incentives to create positive impact.
This understanding should help with being less emotional and more analytical when you see issues.
I tried to make it a habit to respond emotionally to positive impulses and in an analytical way to anything negative.
Can't say that works 100% all the time, but it is something that has been on my mind for a long time now and I am pretty sure it contributes a lot to me keeping my sanity reasonably intact.

The whole concept of regularly thinking about "What Could Be?" has many more advantages, like routinely coming up with ideas and thinking outside the box, where others just go with what is currently considered common knowledge.

 

[Angler]

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

It seems like you got some inner issues that you need to look at. Examine what you are staying up to and what trigger that negative spiral. What are those thoughts that appear when you're alone?

How you can resolve them physically(external steps) or internally(write out your problem, kind of like a confession, reflect on why you're having them and how you can go about from there, and your inner problem will slowly dissipate)? If it's negativity, can you pin point what is causing you to feel that way? Perhaps it's unresolved trauma or because you're not doing something that's pushing you forward. It could be a combination of both.

I know for a fact one of the saddest and lowest point of my life is when I was postponing what I want to be doing because I was scared(trauma): build a brand, work on my health, and start talking to girls again. I know, some of this you might not relate to. But since outlining an understanding my thoughts, fear, excuses, and desires I've come to own my thoughts and my choices. I acknowledge myself more. I'm more incline to be gentle with myself nowadays even though I'm putting myself out in uncomfortable situations a lot more than I could ever imagine.

Consider all of this, what are you thinking about most frequently? Are you working toward your goals? Is there some trauma or fear holding you back?

Good luck my friend.

 

[UK_Mike]

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

I have similar thoughts, sometimes, though I can't say I've done much to help it. Around here (large village / small town in the UK) we have the usual litter problems. I have plenty of time (because I can't think of any ideas to get going with, but that's another story) and I see on Facebook that people are getting little groups together to pick litter and make the place nicer. I applaud this, I think it's great, and if I'm walking towards a bin and I see something on the floor I'll pick it up and put it in the bin. But, the negative part is that I can't stop myself thinking of all the people who are throwing this stuff on the floor because they're just too bone idle / self-entitled, and how picking up after them is just enabling that behaviour, and what really should happen is that the rubbish should be identified and returned to them. When I was a kid, etc. etc, old man shouting at clouds.

In a bit I'll find the time to read through the other responses you get, as I'm sure I'll learn something from them.

 

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[Johnny boy]

All ungratefulness and negativity towards life is ignorance

When you realize truth, you will appreciate life.

Truth like…the odds of you being born were slim to none and you did nothing to deserve the gift of life.

Truth like, if you study any history at all whatsoever you’ll realize “wow I’m glad I wasn’t just killed by my government for no reason at all in Russia in 1918.”

There is no effort needed to be grateful other than becoming less ignorant and short sighted where you think everything around you is that way by default. It isn’t. The default mode is not utopia, it’s absolute hell, and we are living in a tiny sliver of luck and advancement.

With that said, you should still be able to think of problems if you’re going to ever find solutions. If you see graffiti you can expect it to possibly happen to you if you own a store. People throw away trash in the woods. Those things are all predictable and you must be able to see problems coming if you want to be successful.

But let it help you come up with solutions, not just be in a bad mood.

 

[Joejordan95]

Read the book: Personality isn't permanent

Fantastic read with very worthwhile tips and exercises for you to follow i'd go as far as saying it would be a life changing book.



I'd had a lot of self limiting beliefs which came through negative thinking. Negative thinking is really just a way to keep you in your comfort zone.


Sounds like BS but work on some meditation - download the calm app and listen to the 30 day "how to meditate" series.

Stick to it for as long as you can (30 days in a row being optimal) if not just make sure you finish the series as soon as you can.


This will allow you to become more observant of your thoughts, and the more aware of your thoughts you are, the better you can be at detaching yourself emotionally from the negative ones and choose to attach yourself to more positive ones.

 

[BGLefty]

Hello, I’ve noticed a problem about me - I keep thinking about negative stuff even though I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t.

Example from today, I’m sorry it’s so long but it gives context how it works:

I went inline skating on a dam at a lake. It’s a place where you can’t go in a car so it’s good for skating, dog walking and just sitting by the lake with friends mostly in the evenings, a lot of people there are drinking beers and stuff. Everything is great except there are no trash cans there so in the mornings there are a lot of leftover bottles just standing there from the night before. And here I am thinking about it and getting angry because it’s been like that for years and clearly nothing is going to change with peoples behaviour there and yet putting a single trash can there is too hard for authorities.

After some rambling in my head about it and thinking about this negative thing I then notice the other problem of that place - there are a lot of graffiti on there, it’s mostly just some writings, a lot of it is kinda funny to be fair but I then remember how I hate it when I’m visiting big cities and everything is destroyed by graffiti and how I hate all people that do this. I’m now starting an online store so I think - what if I open a brick and mortar store for it and it will get damaged by these people that don’t respect anything. It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset. I then realised how little sense being so negative has yet I was still in a bad mood.

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

Thanks for starting this thread. You are certainly not alone. Lots of good tips in this thread already. The book Joejordan95 recommended, Personality Isn't Permanent, looks interesting.

I battle with this everyday, very low self esteem, low confidence in myself. This comes from being beat down verbally by my ex wife for 10 years. You might wonder why I put up with it, stuck around. The answer is she was very ill and ended up having a double long transplant. I believed her negativity came from her illness, feeling like shit and all the drugs she was on. I believed if I nursed her back to health I would have my old wife back. That never happened unfortunately, what a fool. Ten years of my life gone.

Anyway, I'm working hard to get my confidence back and meditation definitely helps. Another thing that is helping me is to feel good about even small accomplishments. Focus on the good as much as possible. Like others have said, it's good you recognize what's happening so you can then shift your focus quickly away from the negative and back to something positive. Keep working at it.

Thanks again for starting this thread, hopefully you'll get some helpful answers. No matter what though it takes work, daily work.

 

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[Andy Black]

Some tips:

Celebrate every win, no matter how small. (I don’t mean with a bottle of champagne, I mean by noticing them and taking a moment to appreciate them. Set up little wins you can achieve and celebrate on your journey.)

Be curious, not furious. (When something doesn’t go how you hoped, then wonder why rather than let it affect your mood.)

Stop complaining. (If you can do something about it then what’s the point complaining? If you can’t do something about it then what’s the point complaining?)

Help others. (Even a cheerful hello, holding a door open, or a small gesture can go a long way. I dare say it helps you more than them.)

Smile first. (People often reflect back what you’re giving out. Many people will smile back if you smile first. Walk around smiling and happy and you’ll live in a sunnier world of smiling people. Just don’t freak people out with a big Cheshire Cat grin. )

Give thanks. (I can’t stress this enough. It starts by giving thanks. People love to be noticed and appreciated. Giving thanks does a couple of things: it means you have to pay attention to the things people do for you, and it means your interactions with people are so much better. I mentioned a sunny little world already didn’t I?)

Move more, eat less.

Teach some kids something.

 

[Itizn]

He gets a lot of shit from a lot of people, but Grant Cardone has a great video about the exact topic of your thread.

It's a long video but I've probably listened/watched it a few dozen times.

To summarize: anytime you start thinking negatively, simply reframe the message you're saying to yourself.

For example, if you're weight concious, don't keep saying "I'm too skinny". Say to yourself "I'm on the way to xyz lbs/kgs".

This goes for business, personal, etc.

 

[Ayobami23]

Hello, I’ve noticed a problem about me - I keep thinking about negative stuff even though I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t.

Example from today, I’m sorry it’s so long but it gives context how it works:

I went inline skating on a dam at a lake. It’s a place where you can’t go in a car so it’s good for skating, dog walking and just sitting by the lake with friends mostly in the evenings, a lot of people there are drinking beers and stuff. Everything is great except there are no trash cans there so in the mornings there are a lot of leftover bottles just standing there from the night before. And here I am thinking about it and getting angry because it’s been like that for years and clearly nothing is going to change with peoples behaviour there and yet putting a single trash can there is too hard for authorities.

After some rambling in my head about it and thinking about this negative thing I then notice the other problem of that place - there are a lot of graffiti on there, it’s mostly just some writings, a lot of it is kinda funny to be fair but I then remember how I hate it when I’m visiting big cities and everything is destroyed by graffiti and how I hate all people that do this. I’m now starting an online store so I think - what if I open a brick and mortar store for it and it will get damaged by these people that don’t respect anything. It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset. I then realised how little sense being so negative has yet I was still in a bad mood.

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

Yes I do have similar feelings too.

I usually think about what people may not like about my business even though it's doesn't really matter.
It makes me frustrated and week too

 

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[perrier]

Thank you everyone very much for all responses. I'll answer tomorrow, right now I can already tell that I applied some of your ideas and they were very helpful.
Have a good day/night everyone

 

[perrier]

Recognizing that you are doing this is a major breakthrough to solving it. I was the same. Looking back I can see that my Mum was really negative, so I had that mindset from a child. I also think it could be partly genetic. You may not fully overcome this, but, everytime you catch yourself, dispel those thoughts. It will take time and effort, but now you see the problem you can gradually retrain yourself to think differently.

Actually both my parents and most older people around are like that but I think it's more a whole post-communism country thing. I am happy I recognized the problem and will work towards solving it.

Hey Perrier, it's a tough spot to be in. I've definitely seen this in many people and have done it myself. In your example of the grafitti that's annoying you and having negative thoughts as a result, you care a lot about things that you shouldn't in my opinion. I think the secret here is to stop caring about things that are out of your control, because it doesn't make sense otherwise. You also have expectations, and one of them is that the dam should be clean for example. You shouldn't have these expectation for 2 reasons. Some people are pigs and will drop shit everywhere and having an expectation like this will lead you to disappointment.

So in a nutshell, drop any expectations that you have and accept things for what they are instead of how they should be. We could all ramble all day, how the world is F*cked and how it should be this way instead of that way, but it does you no good. Accepting reality is critical.

The other thing you could do, in your example to the brick and mortar store, is to flip those negatives in a positive. You could say for example, "there is a possibility that they will break my store but what are the actual chances? What are the statistics on this? It probably isn't that high. Also what if my store succeeds? I can easily replace those damaged items"

Hope this helped, all the best to you!

Thank you,
I didn't think about the issue like this, I know I shouldn't care about those things and be upset about but dropping all expectations is another thing. And it's a good idea
All the best to you too

1)





2) Try breathing deeply and appreciating what you have around you. Still that mind and negative thoughts. Be aware of the wind moving the leaves, and the birds singing in the trees.


3) As for your store…

“Overthinking is the art of solving problems you don’t have.”

“What’s the best that could happen?”


4) Small changes in the way you think or see things can make a big difference.

Maybe this thread might help:

• Yes, but... (no, Yes, and!)

I have tried this and it works very well for me, I turn my attention to enjoying the nature rather than thinking negatively. The overthinking thing.. I need to work on it too

I think I went as far as I could towards positive thinking, but as bad things keep happening and there is no progress in any of my endeavors, I keep being dragged into negative thoughts again and again.
For me, it has become a kind of dance back and forth between the two, with only a little effort involved to intervene when I realize I am on a negative trajectory.

To help with positive thinking, I suggest: read about positive technological visions and watch TED talks, then regulary ask yourself: "What Could Be?"
"Abundance: The Future is Better Than You Think" is a good book for that. The TED talk about "Hedonistic Sustainability" shows how the world could move in a more positive direction without primarily depending on sacrifices.

How would this skating place ideally be run? How could it be improved? What would it look like without the trash issues?
Can be a pure thinking / visualization exercise.
I think from there I looked into the role of incentives. "Freakonomics" and "The Power of Habit" both give an idea of how leaders can analyze a situation and then tweak the incentives to create positive impact.
This understanding should help with being less emotional and more analytical when you see issues.
I tried to make it a habit to respond emotionally to positive impulses and in an analytical way to anything negative.
Can't say that works 100% all the time, but it is something that has been on my mind for a long time now and I am pretty sure it contributes a lot to me keeping my sanity reasonably intact.

The whole concept of regularly thinking about "What Could Be?" has many more advantages, like routinely coming up with ideas and thinking outside the box, where others just go with what is currently considered common knowledge.

I didn't have time yet to check the TED talks but will in near future. I am going to check out the book as well.
As for analysing it seems great for personal/business issues that can be changed, I will try practising it before giving something bad any emotions. Thank you

It seems like you got some inner issues that you need to look at. Examine what you are staying up to and what trigger that negative spiral. What are those thoughts that appear when you're alone?

How you can resolve them physically(external steps) or internally(write out your problem, kind of like a confession, reflect on why you're having them and how you can go about from there, and your inner problem will slowly dissipate)? If it's negativity, can you pin point what is causing you to feel that way? Perhaps it's unresolved trauma or because you're not doing something that's pushing you forward. It could be a combination of both.

I know for a fact one of the saddest and lowest point of my life is when I was postponing what I want to be doing because I was scared(trauma): build a brand, work on my health, and start talking to girls again. I know, some of this you might not relate to. But since outlining an understanding my thoughts, fear, excuses, and desires I've come to own my thoughts and my choices. I acknowledge myself more. I'm more incline to be gentle with myself nowadays even though I'm putting myself out in uncomfortable situations a lot more than I could ever imagine.

Consider all of this, what are you thinking about most frequently? Are you working toward your goals? Is there some trauma or fear holding you back?

Good luck my friend.

Thank you,
You hit the spot with the issues. I am having productivity problems and delaying things that should be done a long time ago. I am working on it all more intensely since a few days so now I feel a bit better about myself. If not for your post - I wouldn't connect the dots between postponing my goals and negativity. Seems like I can attack my problem from multiple sides now.

I have similar thoughts, sometimes, though I can't say I've done much to help it. Around here (large village / small town in the UK) we have the usual litter problems. I have plenty of time (because I can't think of any ideas to get going with, but that's another story) and I see on Facebook that people are getting little groups together to pick litter and make the place nicer. I applaud this, I think it's great, and if I'm walking towards a bin and I see something on the floor I'll pick it up and put it in the bin. But, the negative part is that I can't stop myself thinking of all the people who are throwing this stuff on the floor because they're just too bone idle / self-entitled, and how picking up after them is just enabling that behaviour, and what really should happen is that the rubbish should be identified and returned to them. When I was a kid, etc. etc, old man shouting at clouds.

In a bit I'll find the time to read through the other responses you get, as I'm sure I'll learn something from them.

Many great perspectives in this thread to learn from, I wish you the best in your journey

All ungratefulness and negativity towards life is ignorance

When you realize truth, you will appreciate life.

Truth like…the odds of you being born were slim to none and you did nothing to deserve the gift of life.

Truth like, if you study any history at all whatsoever you’ll realize “wow I’m glad I wasn’t just killed by my government for no reason at all in Russia in 1918.”

There is no effort needed to be grateful other than becoming less ignorant and short sighted where you think everything around you is that way by default. It isn’t. The default mode is not utopia, it’s absolute hell, and we are living in a tiny sliver of luck and advancement.

With that said, you should still be able to think of problems if you’re going to ever find solutions. If you see graffiti you can expect it to possibly happen to you if you own a store. People throw away trash in the woods. Those things are all predictable and you must be able to see problems coming if you want to be successful.

But let it help you come up with solutions, not just be in a bad mood.

Now that's a new way to think about everything. Thank you for this reply, now I appreciate everything more and am happy about the current state of things.

Read the book: Personality isn't permanent

Fantastic read with very worthwhile tips and exercises for you to follow i'd go as far as saying it would be a life changing book.



I'd had a lot of self limiting beliefs which came through negative thinking. Negative thinking is really just a way to keep you in your comfort zone.


Sounds like BS but work on some meditation - download the calm app and listen to the 30 day "how to meditate" series.

Stick to it for as long as you can (30 days in a row being optimal) if not just make sure you finish the series as soon as you can.


This will allow you to become more observant of your thoughts, and the more aware of your thoughts you are, the better you can be at detaching yourself emotionally from the negative ones and choose to attach yourself to more positive ones.

I will definetly check out this book. As for meditation I will start it soon, I have recently added many good things to my routine(75hard challenge) and don't want to overwhelm myself with too much at once. I am observing my thougths as much as I can right now - removed all music, other distractions - only doing one thing at a time.
Thank you for all recommendations

Thanks for starting this thread. You are certainly not alone. Lots of good tips in this thread already. The book Joejordan95 recommended, Personality Isn't Permanent, looks interesting.

I battle with this everyday, very low self esteem, low confidence in myself. This comes from being beat down verbally by my ex wife for 10 years. You might wonder why I put up with it, stuck around. The answer is she was very ill and ended up having a double long transplant. I believed her negativity came from her illness, feeling like shit and all the drugs she was on. I believed if I nursed her back to health I would have my old wife back. That never happened unfortunately, what a fool. Ten years of my life gone.

Anyway, I'm working hard to get my confidence back and meditation definitely helps. Another thing that is helping me is to feel good about even small accomplishments. Focus on the good as much as possible. Like others have said, it's good you recognize what's happening so you can then shift your focus quickly away from the negative and back to something positive. Keep working at it.

Thanks again for starting this thread, hopefully you'll get some helpful answers. No matter what though it takes work, daily work.

I am happy I could help in some way just by making a thread
I will start recognising the accomplishments, up to now I didn't really have many but will do my best.
I wish you the best and am sorry for what happened to you

Some tips:

Celebrate every win, no matter how small. (I don’t mean with a bottle of champagne, I mean by noticing them and taking a moment to appreciate them. Set up little wins you can achieve and celebrate on your journey.)

Be curious, not furious. (When something doesn’t go how you hoped, then wonder why rather than let it affect your mood.)

Stop complaining. (If you can do something about them what’s the point complaining? If you can’t do something about then what’s the point complaining?)

Help others. (Even a cheerful hello, holding a door open, or a small gesture can go a long way. I dare say it helps you more than them.)

Smile first. (People often reflect back what you’re giving out. Many people will smile back if you smile first. Walk around smiling and happy and you’ll live in a sunnier world of smiling people. Just don’t freak people out with a big Cheshire Cat grin. )

Give thanks. (I can’t stress this enough. It starts by giving thanks. People love to be noticed and appreciated. Giving thanks does a couple of things: it means you have to pay attention to the things people do for you, and it means your interactions with people are so much better. I mentioned a sunny little world already didn’t I?)

Move more, eat less.

Teach some kids something.

Thank you, I really appreciate how much value you are giving to this forum. The complaining quote really got me.
Best wishes to you

He gets a lot of shit from a lot of people, but Grant Cardone has a great video about the exact topic of your thread.

It's a long video but I've probably listened/watched it a few dozen times.

To summarize: anytime you start thinking negatively, simply reframe the message you're saying to yourself.

For example, if you're weight concious, don't keep saying "I'm too skinny". Say to yourself "I'm on the way to xyz lbs/kgs".

This goes for business, personal, etc.

Another really good advice, thank you.

 

[heavy_industry]

There are good things and bad things around us.
We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are.

Imagine having an amazing life where you have achieved most of your goals and you are constantly moving in a positive direction. If your life is amazing and you are OK with yourself, would the trash in the park really be bothering you that much? Has the trash in the park anything to do with you, your goals and your future? No, it's completely irrelevant.

Be aware of the wind moving the leaves

^ Couldn't find this emoji on the forums software

 

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[Mattie]

Hello, I’ve noticed a problem about me - I keep thinking about negative stuff even though I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t.

Example from today, I’m sorry it’s so long but it gives context how it works:

I went inline skating on a dam at a lake. It’s a place where you can’t go in a car so it’s good for skating, dog walking and just sitting by the lake with friends mostly in the evenings, a lot of people there are drinking beers and stuff. Everything is great except there are no trash cans there so in the mornings there are a lot of leftover bottles just standing there from the night before. And here I am thinking about it and getting angry because it’s been like that for years and clearly nothing is going to change with peoples behaviour there and yet putting a single trash can there is too hard for authorities.

After some rambling in my head about it and thinking about this negative thing I then notice the other problem of that place - there are a lot of graffiti on there, it’s mostly just some writings, a lot of it is kinda funny to be fair but I then remember how I hate it when I’m visiting big cities and everything is destroyed by graffiti and how I hate all people that do this. I’m now starting an online store so I think - what if I open a brick and mortar store for it and it will get damaged by these people that don’t respect anything. It’s like my mind wants to dig deeper and deeper to find negative stuff to be angry on and make me upset. I then realised how little sense being so negative has yet I was still in a bad mood.

So instead of being happy about doing something good for myself by the lake in a beautiful place and being happy that I managed to wake up earlier that usual(I have a problem with sleeping really long) I end my ride being frustrated because of my negativity.

Did any of you have a similar problem and helped it?

If you study about graffiti you have two groups perhaps. Those who use it to vandalize and then those who become street artists and ask permission of business owners in a community to create a piece of art work to make the community look better. It's just the perspective of where your standing, the message it conveys, and whether it's the rebel without a cause or the rebel with a cause and takes the right avenue to express their artistic ability.

There are tons of canvas's to use for art. It can be a car, motorcycle, van, wall, or ceiling for example. People say they hate graffiti, but it's the message. As in Germany, they had used it to express themselves on the Wall since their was not other way to express their emotional, mental, spiritual, pain for being separated from family, friends, and their lives being stolen by the Authorities at play at the time. Naturally, some individuals were wounded in the process, while others were not for taking the risk. Still today, you see the wall in many museums or places on display because it's a part of history and landmarks the message of the time, place, and era.

What we see as a negative piece of artwork is not always so negative. It is just the human experience, the reaction, the emotions, the feelings of the artist.

When your talking about your own negative thoughts, it's probably do with your own experience. It is recognizing what needs to be house cleaned of your inner world of emotional patterns, mental patterns, and what your still hanging on to in the past with different authority figures that might be just about anyone really in any generation. As we have authorities around us all the time in life from birth until death. We move through them all the time where ever we are standing at the time with careers, education, communities, government, religion/spiritual communities, and different social groups.

Negative thoughts usually come because of what we've been conditioned to believe in society, what is projected on to us, and it can be different for each authority that stands before us. As most of us are breaking through those illusions of what others perceive through their own experience as the right "rules" , regulations, policies, procedures, legal laws they believe apply to life.

Any kind of drinking or foreign substance usually magnifies the the negative thoughts. As if you are walking down a bad neighborhood for example where there is bottles, tires, garbage, it's usually because there is a shared mentality of the expressing their negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings.

This is habitual patterns of a social group that believes we "Act" a certain way to be accepted in the community, if we break the "Rules" of the social group, we're not conforming, the rebel, and not adapting to the consensus of negative behavior.

We can put ourselves in any local area and see how they swing to the negative or positive side, or the middle way. It's just how the authorities in the community perceive is the correct way to operate in society. This is what most of us are learning on the planet on how to find a balance of using our personal power versus power plays over others in the community. The negative thoughts only come with the "Words" or "Enforcement" of the community social standards.

As if you read dystopia novels, like the Hunger Games and Divergent you will see there are different social groups. Even the 100 Series on Television. Each group has code of conduct, life style, rules, and authorities in that teach different ways of operating in their social group.

As Divergent for example the main female is going through what your talking about. She has to overcome the inner world of fears, negative emotions, how to handle how she communicates, acts, and what works or doesn't work with dealing with authority in her life.

The Hunger Games similar where they both have to go through a transformation inward to come out on top by the end of the movies through extensive training, education, and being tested.

Negative thoughts are temporary in the present. They last maybe for a hour or two and you move on to some other focal point. It's natural to have negative thoughts since it's duality, polarity, and we live in a polarized world where you have people projecting their own negative thoughts. Those negative thoughts might just be in the Graffiti. We might say, we don't like seeing the message on the wall because it tells us we are negative ourselves and might also have a cause and effect on someone else's thoughts and feelings. We are all authorities on something. That being said, we might judge someone else, judge ourselves, and judge others for their negative thoughts, but then we have our own.

We just reflect into the world what we experience inside ourselves at the time. As we can focus on the negative at the Lake in your situation, or you can focus on the beauty. If a fish is jumping out of the water, it is a beautiful illustration of wildlife. The artist can paint it, draw it, write about it, or take a photograph. It might be sold at an art gallery. Where if you do the same thing with graffiti there might be someone who buys that piece of art work at the same gallery and might see it as a positive message of history and a era.

Perception is really in the eye of the beholder, the angle of it.

I used to look at art from all sides of the painting. If you turn it around there's something different about it, and you see from a different angle then just one way.

You can see the weeds in the cement as ugly, or see it as a beautiful dandelion growing through the cracks of the sidewalk in the middle of the ghetto. It's nature's way of reminding you, that even if it's growing in an odd place and not where it belongs, it's still growing and nothing can block it from reaching it's full potential. Now, if the dandelion said in the middle of the cement and ghetto, I can't grow to my full potential, then you would never see the beauty of the yellow flower, then the puffy seeds blowing in the wind to a new destination in the end.

You have to learn that even it you have negative thoughts, nothing can really stop you from achieving your best self no matter what occurs around you. You can be sitting under a bridge with graffiti everywhere and have to wait for an hour for the train to arrive. You can think it's disgusting at first. Since your forced to sit there and wait, you study the wall, read the messages, follow the art, and there is probably something cool there hidden. Some kind of positive message. You just have to be smart enough to look for it, decode it, and turn it around into a positive direction.

Same with your thoughts and inner world.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

Read a book like this: Hellstorm: The Death of Nazi Germany, 1944-1947: Goodrich, Thomas: 9781494775063: Amazon.com: Books

Or read about China under Mao. Or Russia under Stalin. Or read about teenage boys who watched their friends get blown to bits in war. Or read about 5 year old kids working in the mines just 150 years ago.

Or, most effectively, become friends with an a**hole who actually gives a shit about you so that he can tell you to stop being a pussy.

Honestly, if you've found this forum, you're doing pretty well by the standards of most of human history.