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Copywriting Contest... (RESULTS POSTED!)

TheMatt

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I like this. Came up with a couple more ideas while at the day job.

fastlane_grind.png
fastlane_notto.png

P.S.: I did these myself (basic HTML and CSS), but I'm quite sure they could be replicated within SumoMe. The image, by the way, is an edit I made of a free-to-use pic from Unsplash (do check it out if you're not familiar with it--it's awesome). Not sure whether it's fitting, but I like it.
 
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Maxboost

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Took some inspiration from the existing getunscripted.com opt-in:


View attachment 16311

Would be cool to see more entries. Looking forward to learning from the winners and results!

I like this one for so many reasons over the others:
-its short, less is more
-it has the word "F*ck" which catches your eye and compels you to read more
-it has visual appeal to everyone, nice house pool etc
-it describes fastlane



I absolutely hated the original welcome mat as it looked "click" baity and looked like an average spam advertiser. I hope we get to analyze the winner and learn what worked and didn't.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Still need a couple more entries to make this thing a go.
 

Kabylfx

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[GALLERY=media, 68]Entry by Kabylfx posted Sep 15, 2017 at 10:09 PM[/GALLERY]
 
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Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

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I would hope to avoid pictures of fancy cars, fancy watches, and crap like that ... too cliche, and I also I don't own any of that nor have a desire for it.
 

inputchip

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I would hope to avoid pictures of fancy cars, fancy watches, and crap like that ... too cliche, and I also I don't own any of that nor have a desire for it.
I agree it's cliche, but unfortunately, if I were to take a guess, >60% of all newcomers have dreams of owning the fancy cars, watches, etc. Those images may in fact convert higher. But it does make sense that you would not want to give off that vibe as a first impression to all newcomers.
 

Almantas

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Great contest!

@MJ DeMarco If I happen to win, can I instead donate my winnings in a form of two yearly INSIDERS subscriptions to two forum members of my choice?
 
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Almantas

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If I happen to pull this off, I'd like to donate two one year INSIDERS subscriptions for two forum members of my choice. Thanks.
 
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Argue

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Submission #2

OwqF8hQ.png


I feel like there might be too much going on so I don't know, let's see what you guys think.

I see that MJ says the fancy stuff is cliche but I'm basing my ideas from his description from amazon.

While Unscripted sits in the entrepreneurship genre, it’s really about life: self-endorsed work, meaning, freedom, abundance, and living without regret. It’s about waking up in the morning and pinching yourself black-and-blue that OMG, this is your life, and it's freaking awesome.

You live in your dream house, but there's no mortgage. No alarm clock, no boss, no bills. No claims on the day's time other than what you choose.

It is making more money before breakfast than you made for an entire week at your last job. It is a crazy expensive car parked in your garage, a victorious symbol that your dreams no longer sleep in fantasies, but are awake with reality.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/UNSCRIPTED/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
 

100k

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Get a FREE limited version of Unscripted : Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Entrepreneurship. Written by M.J DeMarco, a self made millionaire and author of the NY Time's Best Seller; The Millionaire Fastlane .

"1st Testimonial from some famous influencer"
"2nd Testimonial from some famous influencer"
"3rd Testimonial from some famous influencer"

call to action button: "Grab My FREE Limited Gift Now!"

Break free from mediocrity and live life on your own terms!
 
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MJ DeMarco

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let's see what you guys think.

That would never work -- too busy. I like the messaging, but on these flash mats, you have 3 seconds to make a point, not 13.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Argue

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That would never work -- too busy. I like the messaging, but on these flash mats, you have 3 seconds to make a point, not 13.
Thanks for the feedback MJ, I agree 100%.

The link you posted will help me for my next submission.
 
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Invictus

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Third submission. This time around I went for simple, effective, to the point. Looking for feedback. Thanks.

mlk0KRa.png

IMO, this one isn't bad. I kind of like the picture (might be a bit off of the Fastlane brand, but it could work for some brands), it doesn't take itself too serious.

A few notes about your copy.

The headline is wordy and pretty clunky. You can chop it down to say the same thing. "Watch the Life You Always Dreamed About Become a Reality" or "Imagine if the Life You Dreamed About Was Your Reality". Your best bet may be to brainstorm for a headline that says what you mean in a smaller space.

You want it to be simple, you only have a handful of seconds before someone clicks away. A confusing headline is a death sentence.

Your "Learn how to get it right now, INSTANTLY" is a bit clunky as well. Right Now and Instantly are similar, so they just clutter up the sentence. My suggestion is to cut the Instantly and capitalize the Right Now. So it is would be"Learn how to get it RIGHT NOW". Alternatively, don't capitalize (I'm hesitant a lot of times to use capitalization) but bold Right Now.

Your buttons are good. The only comment I have is to make sure your pronouns are matching. Either have them be,

[Yes, I Deserve Better!]
[No thanks, I'll wait for retirement]

Or
[Yes, You Deserve Better]
[No thanks, You'll Wait for Retirement]
 

Argue

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IMO, this one isn't bad. I kind of like the picture (might be a bit off of the Fastlane brand, but it could work for some brands), it doesn't take itself too serious.

A few notes about your copy.

The headline is wordy and pretty clunky. You can chop it down to say the same thing. "Watch the Life You Always Dreamed About Become a Reality" or "Imagine if the Life You Dreamed About Was Your Reality". Your best bet may be to brainstorm for a headline that says what you mean in a smaller space.

You want it to be simple, you only have a handful of seconds before someone clicks away. A confusing headline is a death sentence.

Your "Learn how to get it right now, INSTANTLY" is a bit clunky as well. Right Now and Instantly are similar, so they just clutter up the sentence. My suggestion is to cut the Instantly and capitalize the Right Now. So it is would be"Learn how to get it RIGHT NOW". Alternatively, don't capitalize (I'm hesitant a lot of times to use capitalization) but bold Right Now.

Your buttons are good. The only comment I have is to make sure your pronouns are matching. Either have them be,

[Yes, I Deserve Better!]
[No thanks, I'll wait for retirement]

Or
[Yes, You Deserve Better]
[No thanks, You'll Wait for Retirement]
Excellent feedback @Invictus. Thank you.
 
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