As a 24/7 startup entrepreneur, how do you connect with other people?

[MVProduct]

You're thinking about your startup practically all the time. Everything you do is for your startup. The majority of your time is spent on learning (reading books, listening to podcasts, etc) and taking action (hustling, working directly on your startup).

Then suddenly, you're invited out to a social event/gathering. You realize that you have nothing in common with the people around you. Nobody else is really in the same boat as you are. Nobody's working on a startup or has any interest in startups. Rather, everybody is talking about sports, personal drama, other people, etc. You can't find any connection.

The worst part about this is that you're young. Early twenties young. That's an ideal time when you should be building long-lasting relationships, chasing after girls/boys, socializing and having fun. Right? You feel that you might be missing out on an important aspect of your life, and might even be harming your social/interpersonal development.

I'm sure there are others who are in this situation. What do you do and how do you manage?

 

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[Get Right]

Entrepreneurship can be a lonely place sometimes. Good post and I am all ears on your thread.

 

[ilrein]

Take a deep breath and relax.

 

[theag]

Nothing wrong with shooting the shit about sports, girls, current events & whatever with non-entrepreneurs sometimes.. you dont have to talk about business 24/7.

With that said, I struggle with it myself.

Currently so busy with job + business = 14-16 hour days that I dont even see the few friends that I have regularly. I know that you have to make sacrifices though, so I'm ok with it.

Hope to improve this a little bit when I'm able to quit my job or rather cut back the hours in it in the next year (job = family business), so I can give myself a few hours of social time per week..

 

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[MMatt]

Ya, you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

 

[ZCP]

Ask them about their latest favorite gadget they bought. What others things would they like to have.....

Make the mistake of telling them you are a businessman looking for ideas and you will hear more ideas than you could implement in 100 years.

Also found that 'shark tank' is taking what we do into mainstream conversation......

 

[Hong King Kong]

I've been on both sides of the fence now,

Being very social, out every day chasing girls, going to the club every weekend.

To now just working alone everyday on a computer, talking with other entrepreneur friends online, and traveling by myself to get things done.

I figured, in scenario 1 you'll be broke and have short lived fun. Where in scenario 2, in a couple years you can have long term sustainable success and can always go back to scenario 1, because that scene is not going anywhere... I took last weekend off to see my old friends, they're all doing the same thing, nothing has changed. I'm in my mid 20s.

Its all about sacrifices I guess, I just try to look more long term. Besides, there are things in the start up world that are fricken exciting!

 

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[MVProduct]

I've been on both sides of the fence now,

Being very social, out every day chasing girls, going to the club every weekend.

To now just working alone everyday on a computer, talking with other entrepreneur friends online, and traveling by myself to get things done.

I figured, in scenario 1 you'll be broke and have short lived fun. Where in scenario 2, in a couple years you can have long term sustainable success and can always go back to scenario 1, because that scene is not going anywhere... I took last weekend off to see my old friends, they're all doing the same thing, nothing has changed. I'm in my mid 20s.

Its all about sacrifices I guess, I just try to look more long term. Besides, there are things in the start up world that are fricken exciting!

This is how I feel as well.

 

[Tobore]

Keep doing what you're doing.

I believe focusing on what's more important will do the magic which in my case is my entrepreneur venture...but also try to spend some (less) time with friends and more time taking action, it's all about balance and keeping priotiies.

I think entrep in general makes you more reserved and matured than your old peers. Heck! Make new entrepreneur minded friends it will ease off the boredom and feeling of being left behind.

 

[S&P]

I've been on both sides of the fence now,

Being very social, out every day chasing girls, going to the club every weekend.

To now just working alone everyday on a computer, talking with other entrepreneur friends online, and traveling by myself to get things done.

I figured, in scenario 1 you'll be broke and have short lived fun. Where in scenario 2, in a couple years you can have long term sustainable success and can always go back to scenario 1, because that scene is not going anywhere... I took last weekend off to see my old friends, they're all doing the same thing, nothing has changed. I'm in my mid 20s.

Its all about sacrifices I guess, I just try to look more long term. Besides, there are things in the start up world that are fricken exciting!

Pretty much this. I used to live this way. Getting laid all the time and never getting any work done. Action faking at it's finest. Had a lot of projects going on but ultimately those businesses flopped. All I did was talk a big game while sidewalking and focusing on the things that increased my immediate attractiveness to the opposite sex instead of building a robust structure for my life. Scenario 1 all the way.

It wasn't until reading MJ's book did I finally understand what sort of a killer process it takes to be successful. Sure I could draw parallels in my life from my fitness pursuits but it was nothing compared to reading a true story from the trenches when he was bunkered down in his 1 bedroom apartment making things happen.

Ever since then I have been in a bunker like OP describes. Switching to the producer mindset vs. the consumer mindset is the biggest paradigm shift I have had in my short life so far.

The problem is most people at parties are stuck in the consumer head space. You won't have much in common.

 

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[Get Right]

You know who does a great job of this - Mark Cuban. It would be interesting to see if he had a period of solitude while building broadcast.com

I have his book but it doesn't really address this.

 

[Ninjakid]

Similarly, I'm an entrepreneur in my twenties, and most of my friends aren't entrepreneurs.

That doesn't bother me though, because I can find lots of things the connect with people on that don't relate to business. Sometimes it's good to take a break and talk about the other joys of life (for me that's cars, girls, inventions, science, movies etc. etc.)

Maybe next time you go to a social gathering, think of the people you're with as people who each have an interesting and unique story of their own. Life wouldn't be fun if everyone was just like you.

And for me, I've noticed when the topic of "what do you do for a living?" comes up, enjoy sharing a story about my business with people. Also people are usually interested, because it's something completely new to them.

One thing that's true though is that entrepreneurship can be lonely. I try to join clubs and things to meet people, because I'm by myself for about 14-16 hours a day.

Just chill and enjoy peoples' company. Everything doesn't have to be all business all the time (even though it kind of is when you're an entrepreneur).

 

[The-J]

B+P

 

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[MaximusAurelius]

You're thinking about your startup practically all the time. Everything you do is for your startup. The majority of your time is spent on learning (reading books, listening to podcasts, etc) and taking action (hustling, working directly on your startup).

Then suddenly, you're invited out to a social event/gathering. You realize that you have nothing in common with the people around you. Nobody else is really in the same boat as you are. Nobody's working on a startup or has any interest in startups. Rather, everybody is talking about sports, personal drama, other people, etc. You can't find any connection.

The worst part about this is that you're young. Early twenties young. That's an ideal time when you should be building long-lasting relationships, chasing after girls/boys, socializing and having fun. Right? You feel that you might be missing out on an important aspect of your life, and might even be harming your social/interpersonal development.

I'm sure there are others who are in this situation. What do you do and how do you manage?

What I did to avoid this problem was to surround myself with other young entrepreneurs who were 1) building their businesses and 2) interested in enjoying their life while they do it. I found a house to rent with a friend who was also an entrepreneur, then started asking around to find other startup entrepreneurs to move in.

We work hard. And we go out when we want to. Sometimes that means once or twice a week when we're in hustle mode...and other times it means 3-4x a week when we need the rejuvenation time. I realized that in order to run a successful business, I needed to take care of myself.

Socializing with people that I love is a huge need for me. Spending time on dates with women who I love is another HUGE need for me. Great women are the most healing thing on the planet, and after a long work week or a hard day, spending an evening with one allows me to recharge and re-energize. They're just so F*cking fun.

That being said, I don't find the work 24/7 mindset helpful nor desirable. My best work is done when I'm in the flow state, and the way I get there is by being happy. When I'm happy - crazy shit happens.

I remember during my first year of business I was making $200/month when I just started my company. I had one client. And I was working my a$$ off. 16 hour days. I was putting so much pressure on myself to succeed and it was killing me. I tried to hack my sleep to get less. I didn't go to the gym because I had to work. Yadda yadda yadda, typical overworked entrepreneur syndrome.

It wasn't until I released the need to "make it big" or "be an awesome entrepreneur" or "have a lot of money" that I actually started improving. I eliminated all the egoic needs that I had and started having fun. I treated my life as a game - how could I be the happiest. And when I do that, things started to fall in place. First month I adopted that mindset: $7,000. Big increase from $200.

Here's the video from Mindvalley on flow where I learned this: http://www.mindvalley.com/flow

I started going out more. I started working less and only focused on the most important things. Seriously - I worked like 3 hours a day on REALLY IMPORTANT shit and gave myself permission to go play. Some days were 12 hours, but it wasn't average. We can't productively work that long and produce great results anyways.

In my non-business time, I created meetups for entrepreneurs with my friend circles. I reached out to other entrepreneurs who I heard about online and developed friendships with them. I STOPPED hanging out with people who I wasn't learning from, or at least making an effort to do so. I made it so that socializing = learning.

I was out the other night and was having a conversation with a friend about lead generation while we were throwing a ball around at the beach. We were laughing, working out, playing games, and learning at the same time. While this was happening, I met another guy there who ended up buying a spot for my event in San Diego I'm throwing this weekend.

In other words, I made $3,000 while having fun at the beach and socializing. That shit happens all the time when I remove the pressure to "work my a$$ off" and instead have fun creating what I want to create in the world.

That's how I handle it. So, my advice to you is 1) stop hanging out with people who you don't like hanging out with and 2) hang out with people that do. You're not missing out on anything because you don't like it anyways. And there's A LOT of guys in their young 20's who value growing businesses and having fun at the same time.

I'm in my twenties and a lot of my social circle are in their twenties too. But I also love hanging out with people in their 30s, 40s, etc...and I don't feel like I'm missing out on the 'normal life'. I have inspiring conversations, amazing dates, and I still go crazy and party once in a while and it's all good.

The key here is to be HAPPY. Do whatever it takes to be happy in the NOW and setting yourself up to be happy later on, too. The biggest trap I see with entrepreneurs is that they sacrifice having relationships with friends/partners now because they feel like they have to hustle on their business.

I say do both. You'll see an increase in your business, too...

 

[jarecki]

I move the f##ck on and keep grinding.

It hurts, sometimes badly, but if it didn't, everyone would be driving an Aventador.

 

[Gale4rc]

Even if I have nothing in common with those around me I can still have fun with them.

 

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[PaulRobert]

I'm sure there are others who are in this situation. What do you do and how do you manage?

Change the circles you hang out with. As @MaximusAurelius stated, find entrepreneurs and other like minded people to hang out with.

For the past 1.5 years that is exactly what I have been doing. I basically cut most ties with people that would bring me down or are going no where in life. Most of my friends/acquaintances are either entrepreneurs, looking to start a business, or are involved with business in some way. I just don't bother with most people that just don't "get it". (the Fastlane mentality or just unproductive with their lives.)

 

[aardvarky]

This is a hard puzzle to crack. For the past year or so, the only way I've found that works for me is doing it in extremes. Like, I'll spend 2 months being super social and then like 2 months being super solitary. After a period of social-ness, I'll be itching to seclude myself somewhere and work and vice versa.

I'm two weeks into a very sequestered situation now - in a new town where I know no one except the local cafe owners and the fat frog that lives in my garden. I picked a town that really contains no charms for me so it's ridiculously easy to not get distracted by anything (except this forum) and I'm pretty darn happy right now. That being said, I know in a month or so, I'll be itching to get out there again. And the cycle continues...

 

[contract]

Been there, the struggle is real.

You are for sure not alone..

You'll meet new people and they'll talk on and on about movies, music, concerts, sporting events, bars/clubs, etc.

Literally all a reflection of the past. (I think a lot of people get stuck in the past, never thinking about the future like most entrepreneurs.)

Personally I don't care about movies from 10 years ago, some concert from 5 years ago, or what bands/sports teams you think are upcoming..

At times it's incredibly boring; all you want to talk about is hobbies, business, etc instead.

Anything actionable or at the minimum something you can learn from even it's not business related...

You might be able to spark those sort of topics but they will always fizzle out fast. Mentioning your business will get people to ask a few simple questions but they won't carry the conversation. It always stops short.

Then you come across people who LOVE to talk about SEO, growth hacking, start ups and it's absolutely incredible to have a conversation!

------

I talked to quite a few people about this and realized other people deal with it too. (Yes, even non-entrepreneurs, but I think we have it worse..)

If you're younger, you'll find that a lot of people aren't fully mature yet. Even in the 20's and up..

They don't care about the future or to talk about it, they just want to stay where they are.

It dictates where the conversation goes..

AND there's nothing wrong with that. (No need to judge people)

There's nothing you can really do about it. Be a good friend/person and always listen no matter what the topic of discussion. Respect is key.

You can just relax and take things in too without talking in a group - Just take some time to chill and listen.

As I skimmed this thread I noticed people talking about being on the computer too often instead of socializing.

Sometimes you just have to bit the bullet and go out. Talk to people, and if you really don't want to, then listen.

Listening only requires you to be present in the moment.

-------

Not the best answer, but it's the truth.

Something you can't change. You can however, try to meet people who are into the same things. Conferences, meet ups, etc.

Like everything else when you're an Entrepreneur.. Even making friends is harder.

ONE BIG thing I want to point out:

I think we all want to give back to others. We can do that through talking, educating people..

But it's tough to feel the rewards of a conversation when you can't offer anything, because the other person isn't interested in what you know or what can teach them.

I love it when people pick my brain, or when I can do it to someone else. Often those are the BEST conversations.

Maybe that's why so many entrepreneurs are on forums, Skype chats, etc... Being there, helping others, when it's not even required of them to do so.

 

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[FeaRxUnLeAsHeD]

You're thinking about your startup practically all the time. Everything you do is for your startup. The majority of your time is spent on learning (reading books, listening to podcasts, etc) and taking action (hustling, working directly on your startup).

Then suddenly, you're invited out to a social event/gathering. You realize that you have nothing in common with the people around you. Nobody else is really in the same boat as you are. Nobody's working on a startup or has any interest in startups. Rather, everybody is talking about sports, personal drama, other people, etc. You can't find any connection.

The worst part about this is that you're young. Early twenties young. That's an ideal time when you should be building long-lasting relationships, chasing after girls/boys, socializing and having fun. Right? You feel that you might be missing out on an important aspect of your life, and might even be harming your social/interpersonal development.

I'm sure there are others who are in this situation. What do you do and how do you manage?

I think we just became friends.

Every.Single.Time there's a 'social gathering' and people start talking about sports, news, current events, personal drama, other people, etc, I literally just tune them out and focus on something else. Even worse, i'm working with a bodybuilding coach, so that means I don't go to parties and drink (Even if I wasn't I respect my health more than anything), so it makes it even more difficult. I am 21 and in college. Even after college, it'll probably be the same. Won't be going out and bullshitting at clubs, bars, or random places where the 20 year olds hang out, because I'm always on my grind. I wasn't always 'entrepreneur' oriented, but I've been "outside of the norm" oriented for several years. Even though not fast lane, I've ran businesses (alone), I've designed websites (alone), I've turned those into businesses (alone), I've written countless articles (alone), recorded hours of podcast content (alone), and spent more time in my room (alone) over the past 3 or 4 years than I will spend with people over the next 10-15 years of my life, I think. I get in the zone and just get to work on my laptop.. If i'm not working on a business, i'm reading, or listening, etc. Honestly being alone has helped me in terms of personal development in ways I can't even begin to explain. It's great to be alone with your thoughts away from others personal bias's etc. I also find sometimes when I begin socializing with the norm of people, I find i spend way too much time getting sucked in to time consuming activities. Then when I get some alone time, i re calibrate and just accept the fact that I am the 1%. I think like the 1%, I act like the 1%, I don't own a television, I don't read the news, I can't really name any famous actors, or television shows, or celebrities, I have no idea who the Kardashians are, I've heard some famous celebrity names but have no idea who they are or what they do and nor do I care, I can't name more than 3 NFL players besides quarterbacks, same with any other sport.

How do I manage? I accept the fact that only 1 out of 100 people will ever thrive to experience life like I am in full pursuit of living. Entrepreneurship. Start ups. Business .Philanthropy. Personal development. Most people won't even scratch the surface of any of that. I accept it and keep moving towards my goals and dreams. I have about a handful of people I can talk to and count on. IF THAT. Most are mentors twice my age, if not older.

My direct connections w/ social circles currently consists of

Sports team in college
Student Government in college
Staff team I work on in college
People in my classes


My actual, close knit social circle consists of:
My life coach, mentor, and friend via email and phone
A few other mentors and coaches via email, in person, or phone
One or two friends from high school
One to three friends in college who I can relate to in terms of entrepreneurship, who I've only recently connected with

You're only lonely for some time..... Then when you're ballin, everyone and their brother will think they're your friend, or try to be your friend. And the truth of who your friends are at that time will be the ones who helped you and stuck by you through thick and thin during your young age of grinding to get where you want to be..

 

[J. van Driessen]

I recognize a lot of what has been written here. You're not alone, OP!
I also hang out with other entrepreneurs as much as possible.

 

[FLexitee]

You're thinking about your startup practically all the time. Everything you do is for your startup. The majority of your time is spent on learning (reading books, listening to podcasts, etc) and taking action (hustling, working directly on your startup).

Then suddenly, you're invited out to a social event/gathering. You realize that you have nothing in common with the people around you. Nobody else is really in the same boat as you are. Nobody's working on a startup or has any interest in startups. Rather, everybody is talking about sports, personal drama, other people, etc. You can't find any connection.

The worst part about this is that you're young. Early twenties young. That's an ideal time when you should be building long-lasting relationships, chasing after girls/boys, socializing and having fun. Right? You feel that you might be missing out on an important aspect of your life, and might even be harming your social/interpersonal development.

I'm sure there are others who are in this situation. What do you do and how do you manage?

I say enjoy yourself for that little while, but keep your ears and eyes open for problems, and the opportunity to solve them. Maybe something your friends say could provide value to your startup.

-Mike

 

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[Avus]

IMO the 24/7 mindset does not work. At least, it did not for me. You become obsessed, alienate yourself from people, and if something does not go right(which will happen often), it is a huge blow to you since this is the ONLY thing in your life. To echo what other people say, it can get lonely.

But forums/social media are the places I network.

 

[mentalic]

You have to start building your social circle for sure. It will take time, but at the end you will be surrounded by people that have the same interests as you. My personal approach on this is having three groups of friends:
1. Those that you hang around just to have fun. Probably see them once per week or per two weeks.
2. Those that will help you advance (and that you will help them too).
3. Those that you trust.

If you have friends that have a negative attitude in general however, just stop seeing them. You will feel better.