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Martin Z

Bronze Contributor
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Speedway Pass
Oct 11, 2021
405
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Stavanger, Norway
Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
I'd offer a thorough response, but this guy hasn't been back since he made this post, so I'll spare my time as it appears this is a "Drive By" poster.

The brief version was well versed by @Speed112 -- yes I'm scared, but I'm more scared of living a life full of regret, mediocrity, and thankless back-breaking work, only to die and realize that my life was as boring, meaningless, and uneventful as watching grass grow.
I love that response from MJ. I think about that too. Like I don't want to be the 70-80 year old guy who just lived by; had an average life, lived in an average house, had an average paying job, had his 401k, had a vw minivan and never did anything extraordinary to change his fate. Never became a multi-millionaire(no one in my family is a wealthy guy. All live paycheck to paycheck ). That's a huge motivator for me to say the least. To provide a much better future for my future kids. Buy my son or daughter a Ferrari for their 18th birthday. Help my parents retire in Bahamas. I mean these things go beyond just money.

You will make mistakes along the way, that's just part of life. I don't know your age but based on what you said I guess you're under 30. Man just do something, some opportunities will never come back so make sure to get them.
 
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KenDunlop

Contributor
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Apr 3, 2021
53
53
Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
MJ's most recent book TGRRE gave me a new perspective on this. In the story he wrote, a couple already have one child and the wife is pregnant with a second. Most people would use their children as an excuse to 'play it safe', but in MJ's story they keep on planning their own business, even while the wife is pregnant.
It's easy to use your kids as an excuse, so why not flip the normal script? Use your (future) kids as excuse to be a great example to them, and make lots of money so your kids are well-provided for and you can spend more time with them.
 

JackWhite

New Contributor
Jan 17, 2022
22
7
MJ's most recent book TGRRE gave me a new perspective on this. In the story he wrote, a couple already have one child and the wife is pregnant with a second. Most people would use their children as an excuse to 'play it safe', but in MJ's story they keep on planning their own business, even while the wife is pregnant.
It's easy to use your kids as an excuse, so why not flip the normal script? Use your (future) kids as excuse to be a great example to them, and make lots of money so your kids are well-provided for and you can spend more time with them.
Very motivating. Thank you. I don’t know what it is connected with, but sometimes it’s really scary, and not for myself, but for the children. I want to be that “ideal” parent, and because of fear it’s even hard to think about trying. I think it will pass, but I'm glad that so many people have something to say about this, it's really important to me.
 

KenDunlop

Contributor
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Apr 3, 2021
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53
Very motivating. Thank you. I don’t know what it is connected with, but sometimes it’s really scary, and not for myself, but for the children. I want to be that “ideal” parent, and because of fear it’s even hard to think about trying. I think it will pass, but I'm glad that so many people have something to say about this, it's really important to me.
Here's another angle. Good parents are mature and responsible. Which is more responsible?
The Slow Lane involves going to a 9-5 job, taking orders and being provided for all the way. At work you're shielded from a lot of the uncertainty in the market (until you're aren't) and you're told in advance how much money you'll make each month. When you finally retire, the government will take care of you (except they probably won't). A lot of the appeal of the Slow Lane is that someone else takes care of you. It's much like a prolonged childhood.
The Fast Lane forces you to confront the full uncertainty that life has to offer and take more responsibility for yourself. You have to find your own answers, and make your own money. Surely the 'ideal parent' would choose the Fast Lane and teach their kids to do the same.
 
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JackWhite

New Contributor
Jan 17, 2022
22
7
Here's another angle. Good parents are mature and responsible. Which is more responsible?
The Slow Lane involves going to a 9-5 job, taking orders and being provided for all the way. At work you're shielded from a lot of the uncertainty in the market (until you're aren't) and you're told in advance how much money you'll make each month. When you finally retire, the government will take care of you (except they probably won't). A lot of the appeal of the Slow Lane is that someone else takes care of you. It's much like a prolonged childhood.
The Fast Lane forces you to confront the full uncertainty that life has to offer and take more responsibility for yourself. You have to find your own answers, and make your own money. Surely the 'ideal parent' would choose the Fast Lane and teach their kids to do the same.
Thank you very much! I really think that the fast lane is the best, now I will apply it in my life.
 

BaraQueenbee

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Sep 14, 2015
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Whenever I experience fear around anything, I go through a list;

1. Am I actually afraid or am I nervous/excited?
2. What will it cost me (practically, emotionally, growth wise and intellectually) to give in to the fear and NOT do the thing.

My fall back is:
The current (quite shitty) situation will always remain available.
The shitty partner, the shitty job, the shitty... anything. Those will be plenty available forever and forever.
So technically I am not loosing anything by trying something new.

If it didn't work,
I learned and adjust from there (and grown), or I learn from it and go back to shitty.

Post scriptum, during my 20's I have experimented with fear and how "real' it is and how most of it is just abused imagination by during things that we're life threatening.
While I obviously do not recommend to anyone to do anything, I can guarantee you that thinking you're ACTUALLY TRULY gonna die feels significantly different than all the mental cycle-die.

The actual death-fear put's you right in the moment. No other moment exists.

The mental-cycle/imagination-abuse seem to only expand and take it's sweet sweet time to present you with the best and most elaborate arguments like an expensive lawyer who's pleeding for a rich criminal.

Brave moving forward, you got this.
Whatever "this" is.
 

Raoul Duke

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You
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EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
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Terrified, mortified, petrified... stupefied by you!
 
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jwest95

New Contributor
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Jan 7, 2022
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1
Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
Failure is inevitable and necessary, as far as I'm concerned. However I will admit it does make it riskier when you have more commitments. I'm quite fortunate that I currently don't and am able to take more risk because of that. Doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue Fastlane dreams though
 

Andy Black

Pick a direction. Get started. Keep going.
Staff member
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May 20, 2014
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“If you don’t figure it out you leave it up to your kids to.”
(Craig Desorcey)

I believe Craig has a book on Amazon called “Starve Your Fear”.
 
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JackWhite

New Contributor
Jan 17, 2022
22
7
Love your mindset! Thanks for the response, I really appreciate your story and thoughts!
I was bullied. It created a victim mindset that stuck with me all the way from 1997 'till around 2014. I used to go around putting my life story on forums and facebook groups and then feeling good receiving all the nice nice hug hug advice and never actually do anything about it. It's only when someone with the real kindness to tell me what's really up whilst "looking like a prick" snapped me out of that victim mindset funk and managed to actually start changing my life. Tough love it's called and it works. The world we live in now is a soft comfortable one despite tragedies being inflicted on others. It creates the ultimate victims; hard life early on, and a soft, reassuring, victim promoting life after. That does no one any good.

IF you have a problem, you need to face it directly and conquer it. Aka "stop being a pussy". Perfect advice for this situation.

"Aww poor you have a cuddle" is just saying to their victim mindset oriented ego "what you are doing now is giving you attention, keep doing it" and so they will forever stay in their current rut.
 

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