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Aren't you scared ?

JackWhite

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Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
 
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Speed112

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Over here, over there.
Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?

Aren't you afraid of being stuck at a 9-5 for all your adult life until you're sick or too old to provide for your family?

Aren't you afraid of barely saving up enough to live somewhat comfortably over decades of work, only to have a market crash clear out all your savings?

Aren't you afraid of the statist Ponzi schemes defaulting with their overleveraged, overburdened, overwhelmingly ludicrous fiscal situation?

Yes, entrepreneurship and the Fastlane can be scary. It's scary many times and I can assure you everyone here has had to deal with fear in one way or another.

But isn't dealing with the fear on your own terms, in an environment where your success depends on YOU and your skills and ingenuity... just... better?

What if you fail to cope and make a mistake on the slowlane? You get laid off. You may lose your house. Maybe you end up bankrupt or in jail. Except all of that can happen due to things completely outside of your control.

The slowlane isn't safer. It's just familiar.

So accept that fear is part of the journey. Face it. Overcome the specific instances that create the fear. Build the skills to do it deliberately and consistently, each time you encounter an obstacle. And you'll be the type of person who can build a family they can be proud of.

Hiding in the illusion of safety until the threats you were ignoring make it collapse around you, along with your life, simply won't cut it.

A disaster like in 2008/9 will happen again. Where do you want to be when it does?
 

Ayobami

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Aren't you afraid of being stuck at a 9-5 for all your adult life until you're sick or too old to provide for your family?

Aren't you afraid of barely saving up enough to live somewhat comfortably over decades of work, only to have a market crash clear out all your savings?

Aren't you afraid of the statist Ponzi schemes defaulting with their overleveraged, overburdened, overwhelmingly ludicrous fiscal situation?

Yes, entrepreneurship and the Fastlane can be scary. It's scary many times and I can assure you everyone here has had to deal with fear in one way or another.

But isn't dealing with the fear on your own terms, in an environment where your success depends on YOU and your skills and ingenuity... just... better?

What if you fail to cope and make a mistake on the slowlane? You get laid off. You may lose your house. Maybe you end up bankrupt or in jail. Except all of that can happen due to things completely outside of your control.

The slowlane isn't safer. It's just familiar.

So accept that fear is part of the journey. Face it. Overcome the specific instances that create the fear. Build the skills to do it deliberately and consistently, each time you encounter an obstacle. And you'll be the type of person who can build a family they can be proud of.

Hiding in the illusion of safety until the threats you were ignoring make it collapse around you, along with your life, simply won't cut it.

A disaster like in 2008/9 will happen again. Where do you want to be when it does?
love this bro
 

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Do nothing = get nothing

Just start and do every day, been my biggest issue. Scared about what if when the chances of failure can only really be measured by doing, and you can learn from failure.

Easier said then done, so just start - do something - anything (thats my 2 cents)

Been scared is ok
 
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D

DeletedUser84644

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Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
These concerns sound kind of loosely similar to the ones I've seen from another thread: SLOWLANE - Entangled in Slowlane
I've made a couple posts there that should hopefully provide some clarity on those things
 

WillHurtDontCare

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stop being a pussy
 
D

DeletedUser84644

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stop being a pussy
That is not how you help someone who's struggling with a mental roadblock... that's an extremely destructive and very insensitive thing to say for their self-esteem. It just makes you sound like a total prick tbh and will only make that person's hopelessness / negative feelings about themselves even worse.
 
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Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
When fear comes, let the wolf rise in your heart. Become the most terrifying thing in the night, the source of all fear. Embrace fear, become it, and you master it.
 

WillHurtDontCare

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That is not how you help someone who's struggling with a mental roadblock... that's an extremely destructive and very insensitive thing to say for their self-esteem. It just makes you sound like a total prick tbh and will only make that person's hopelessness / negative feelings about themselves even worse.

blah blah blah

I am a prick.

And it's the best advice that he could get. Get over these stupid made up fears and go take what you want.
 

Black_Dragon43

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Aren't you afraid of being stuck at a 9-5 for all your adult life until you're sick or too old to provide for your family?

Aren't you afraid of barely saving up enough to live somewhat comfortably over decades of work, only to have a market crash clear out all your savings?

Aren't you afraid of the statist Ponzi schemes defaulting with their overleveraged, overburdened, overwhelmingly ludicrous fiscal situation?

Yes, entrepreneurship and the Fastlane can be scary. It's scary many times and I can assure you everyone here has had to deal with fear in one way or another.

But isn't dealing with the fear on your own terms, in an environment where your success depends on YOU and your skills and ingenuity... just... better?

What if you fail to cope and make a mistake on the slowlane? You get laid off. You may lose your house. Maybe you end up bankrupt or in jail. Except all of that can happen due to things completely outside of your control.

The slowlane isn't safer. It's just familiar.

So accept that fear is part of the journey. Face it. Overcome the specific instances that create the fear. Build the skills to do it deliberately and consistently, each time you encounter an obstacle. And you'll be the type of person who can build a family they can be proud of.

Hiding in the illusion of safety until the threats you were ignoring make it collapse around you, along with your life, simply won't cut it.

A disaster like in 2008/9 will happen again. Where do you want to be when it does?
This.
When fear comes, let the wolf rise in your heart. Become the most terrifying thing in the night, the source of all fear. Embrace fear, become it, and you master it.
This sounds interesting, but too esoteric for me. Can you break it down?
 
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Andy Black

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Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
Having your own family will give you more reasons to cope and succeed.


Here’s some lines/quotes I like. Maybe one will resonate?

“Overthinking is the art of solving problems you don’t have.”

“Hurdles are stepping stones in disguise.”

“A stream with no rocks is a stream with no song.”

“A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
 

Madame Peccato

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Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?

They will be your best, deepest source of inner strength when you'll feel like giving up.
 

windupbird83

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“A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
I love this one. It reminds me of Marcus Aurelius. Accepting uncertainty is a requirement if I am to be the best person I'm capable of being.
 
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Iammelissamoore

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I am currently DEALING with it. On my Fastlane journey, I have made failures, but the biggest take from these failures are the lessons. One thing I know FOR SURE is I do not want to allow the slowlane to take hold of my life.

How I am dealing with my issues is I am backward engineering my steps, where did I go wrong, what was I supposed to do that I did not do. What can I do different, what SHOULD I do different.

With MJ's last book, the process is so clear that if I miss it something is wrong with me.

Life is about being responsible and accountable for our actions or inactions. When we do great things, we note where we went right and keep applying accordingly. When we do wrong, we also have to responsibly note where we went wrong and what is necessary to rectify or change it.

In all that we do, mistakes will happen, especially if we're new to it, heck, even if we're old to it we'd still make mistskes (possibly less, but still). The difference between people who make it and people who don't is the ability or inability to accept responsibility for the roles we play.

Yes, we can blame the world, the pandemic, our families or any external aspect for our failures, it may make our egos feel better, but it won't change anything. The moment we look at the roles we played in our experiences and solely take accountable actions to change the role WE/I played, THAT is when things change for the better.

We live in a world of abundance, the script teaches us that there is scarcity everywhere, the moment we learn of that abundace and take fruitful steps towards it, is the moment things change for better.
 

ZackerySprague

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From what I've learned in the book Unscripted , failure is a part of the process principle. We must fail before we can succeed.

I, for the longest, time had a probably with this. Always seeking all of the answers ahead of time. I've done this all last year, by consuming a lot of content and not actually producing... Lessons learned there.

A friend once told me this, our brains have this inner voice that we need to do this, we need to do that. But yet we don't actually perform or do the actions necessarily that moves the needle forward. So his advice was to go the opposite direction of what your inner voice (in your brain) says.

And that's exactly what I am starting to adopt, to be vulnerable here, I did not like going to the gym by myself. I always had to go with a friend. I didn't have a workout routine or structure. So I sought out individuals who were ripped and learned from them. I started to go to the gym by myself this past Saturday, quite a scary thought when I was not confident in myself and how I looked. But yet, to be honest, I am starting to enjoy it. I went yesterday so Wednesday will finish my first week on a 3-day split.

I'm not anywhere where I want to be, but reading Unscripted has definitely opened wounds/healed wounds and truth pills that were hard to swallow. But if anything I have learned that I need to be consistent in what I do and adopt failure as a part of the process and connect our Feedback loops.
 

Speed112

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Over here, over there.
I am currently DEALING with it. On my Fastlane journey, I have made failures, but the biggest take from these failures are the lessons. One thing I know FOR SURE is I do not want to allow the slowlane to take hold of my life.

How I am dealing with my issues is I am backward engineering my steps, where did I go wrong, what was I supposed to do that I did not do. What can I do different, what SHOULD I do different.

With MJ's last book, the process is so clear that if I miss it something is wrong with me.

Life is about being responsible and accountable for our actions or inactions. When we do great things, we note where we went right and keep applying accordingly. When we do wrong, we also have to responsibly note where we went wrong and what is necessary to rectify or change it.

In all that we do, mistakes will happen, especially if we're new to it, heck, even if we're old to it we'd still make mistskes (possibly less, but still). The difference between people who make it and people who don't is the ability or inability to accept responsibility for the roles we play.

Yes, we can blame the world, the pandemic, our families or any external aspect for our failures, it may make our egos feel better, but it won't change anything. The moment we look at the roles we played in our experiences and solely take accountable actions to change the role WE/I played, THAT is when things change for the better.

We live in a world of abundance, the script teaches us that there is scarcity everywhere, the moment we learn of that abundace and take fruitful steps towards it, is the moment things change for better.
Exactly.

It's super important to look back, and not just on your failures, but also your achievements.

You can very easily get blindsided when diving head-first into your future. The future will always be uncertain. And as you're chasing the lush fruits of its bountiful jungle, the path gets unclear, the trees get thicker... It's easy to get discouraged and lose your way.

All you see in the future, after a while, is your own inability to reach all of your lofty goals, and the golden paradise waiting on the mountain beyond the jungle.

You sometimes forget about the path you've carved along the way, with the sacks of goodies you're dragging behind you. That's the proof that you're on the right track and you've got what it takes.

So look back.

When you fear what is to come, let your successful journey so far give you the strength to press on.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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I'd offer a thorough response, but this guy hasn't been back since he made this post, so I'll spare my time as it appears this is a "Drive By" poster.

The brief version was well versed by @Speed112 -- yes I'm scared, but I'm more scared of living a life full of regret, mediocrity, and thankless back-breaking work, only to die and realize that my life was as boring, meaningless, and uneventful as watching grass grow.
 

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Black_Dragon43

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Imo, anxiety isn’t really something you can will out of existence. What @Speed112 is saying is good in terms of getting you to take action in spite of the fear. There’s always something else to be afraid of when you avoid rather than confront fear - avoidance has its own costs.

Telling someone who experiences anxiety to man up or stop thinking about it is pointless. The whole point is that they CAN’T stop thinking about it. And even if they CAN stop thinking about it, their anxiety remains, on a physiological level in the background.

I experience fear and anxiety quite strongly. Someone who sees me from the outside, even someone who lives with me would never guess from my actions. I have no problem pushing myself through fear to take action. But that doesn’t mean I don’t experience it. And it does show in my unexplainably high heart rate and blood pressure.

The strange thing about anxiety is that it hijacks your attention. Even if you don’t want to think about something, or you know it’s pointless to think about it, or you’ve decided to do it… you still experience it physiologically and your attention keeps getting drawn back to it. You just can’t relax… It’s not something you get to control just through reason. What is of higher interest imo, is if you can turn an anxious person into a non-anxious person - someone who doesn’t just do “scary” things (that can happen regardless of whether they feel scared or not), but simply doesn’t experience the anxiety to start with.
 

farouqali

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Recently, I started to think about the fact that I want my own family (wife, children, and so on), but the problem is that I am afraid of not coping, making a mistake that will affect not only my life, but also the life of my wife and children. Have you ever had this happen? How did you deal with it?
its common to feel scared of the moves you wish to take (to own a family), i have been there but to be honest i love that thrill; to be uncomfortable, to anticipate things but you are not sure how they will turn out to be. Aspire to have whatever you set your mind to, be it family, business or an idea and make to reality. these are the moments that will define you...choose what you think is right, be a little scare but have the courage to follow it up. next time you will be confident to try a much bigger idea.
 

JackWhite

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Aren't you afraid of being stuck at a 9-5 for all your adult life until you're sick or too old to provide for your family?

Aren't you afraid of barely saving up enough to live somewhat comfortably over decades of work, only to have a market crash clear out all your savings?

Aren't you afraid of the statist Ponzi schemes defaulting with their overleveraged, overburdened, overwhelmingly ludicrous fiscal situation?

Yes, entrepreneurship and the Fastlane can be scary. It's scary many times and I can assure you everyone here has had to deal with fear in one way or another.

But isn't dealing with the fear on your own terms, in an environment where your success depends on YOU and your skills and ingenuity... just... better?

What if you fail to cope and make a mistake on the slowlane? You get laid off. You may lose your house. Maybe you end up bankrupt or in jail. Except all of that can happen due to things completely outside of your control.

The slowlane isn't safer. It's just familiar.

So accept that fear is part of the journey. Face it. Overcome the specific instances that create the fear. Build the skills to do it deliberately and consistently, each time you encounter an obstacle. And you'll be the type of person who can build a family they can be proud of.

Hiding in the illusion of safety until the threats you were ignoring make it collapse around you, along with your life, simply won't cut it.

A disaster like in 2008/9 will happen again. Where do you want to be when it does?
Totally agree with you. But the fact is that your comment says that I can and most likely am afraid to lose time, work, home, and so on. But the fact is that it's not entirely scary, I'm just not afraid of it. I'm afraid to be responsible for the NEW LIFE, because it's one thing to ruin your life and realize that you yourself are to blame, and another thing is to create a new life and destroy it, or not give it what it would cost. Do you understand?
 
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JackWhite

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When fear comes, let the wolf rise in your heart. Become the most terrifying thing in the night, the source of all fear. Embrace fear, become it, and you master it.
I really like this comment. Thank you for the feedback!
 

JackWhite

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Imo, anxiety isn’t really something you can will out of existence. What @Speed112 is saying is good in terms of getting you to take action in spite of the fear. There’s always something else to be afraid of when you avoid rather than confront fear - avoidance has its own costs.

Telling someone who experiences anxiety to man up or stop thinking about it is pointless. The whole point is that they CAN’T stop thinking about it. And even if they CAN stop thinking about it, their anxiety remains, on a physiological level in the background.

I experience fear and anxiety quite strongly. Someone who sees me from the outside, even someone who lives with me would never guess from my actions. I have no problem pushing myself through fear to take action. But that doesn’t mean I don’t experience it. And it does show in my unexplainably high heart rate and blood pressure.

The strange thing about anxiety is that it hijacks your attention. Even if you don’t want to think about something, or you know it’s pointless to think about it, or you’ve decided to do it… you still experience it physiologically and your attention keeps getting drawn back to it. You just can’t relax… It’s not something you get to control just through reason. What is of higher interest imo, is if you can turn an anxious person into a non-anxious person - someone who doesn’t just do “scary” things (that can happen regardless of whether they feel scared or not), but simply doesn’t experience the anxiety to start with.
I understand you so much and completely agree with you. THANK YOU for bringing this up!
 

nothingness

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That is not how you help someone who's struggling with a mental roadblock... that's an extremely destructive and very insensitive thing to say for their self-esteem. It just makes you sound like a total prick tbh and will only make that person's hopelessness / negative feelings about themselves even worse.
Do you care about helping people or do you care about sounding nice?
People stuck like that have to be shocked out of it, being sympathetic to their victim mindset just fuels their victim mindset.
Anxiety is the universes way of telling you that you need to deal with a problem. Scared shitless to pick up the phone and cold call people? The ONLY way to remove that anxiety is..... any guesses?
 
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@Speed112 's post was spot on.

First, what you're experiencing is natural. You're human - humans experience fear, doubt, and insecurity.

You can't choose what happens, but you can choose how you view what happens - and with that, you can choose which fears you want to put behind you to push you in a direction you actually want to go.
 

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A friend of mine - an entrepreneur too - have a good metaphore about what happened to both of us:

We were like children checking the temperature of water with our feets and retreating immediately because - you know - star wasn't aligned.

Without any surprise, time passed and this attitude led us to absolutely nowhere.

Since I've read the Millionnaire Fastlane, I'm only moving forward by acting, faster and faster, and the more I do, the more fears are vanishing.

At the point that I'm now totally convinced that overcoming the fear of failure is absolutely crucial to any success in life and therefore in entrepreneurship.

Being afraid is normal, we're humans. You will fail. But check that: if you can learn from your mistakes, you will never really lose again. From that point, failures become lessons and there is nothing to fear anymore. This is actually a victory over time itself.

This was one of the greatest lessons of my life, and a real game changer for me. Being able to learn from failure and thus fear them no more is hell of a superpower.

2 lines I like a lot:

"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail" - Michael Jordan

"The worst thing that can happen to us is not that bad things happen to us, it’s that nothing happens to us" - Bertolt Brecht
 
D

DeletedUser84644

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Do you care about helping people or do you care about sounding nice?
People stuck like that have to be shocked out of it, being sympathetic to their victim mindset just fuels their victim mindset.
Anxiety is the universes way of telling you that you need to deal with a problem. Scared shitless to pick up the phone and cold call people? The ONLY way to remove that anxiety is..... any guesses?
You don't have to sound like a prick to get your point across to achieve that. There is a balance here that you have to strike. How would you feel everytime you go to ask for help with something, you're told "hahaha go figure it out dumbass" over and over and over again. I can guarantee that that will crush your self esteem to a point of no return. You think people that kill themselves over being bullied did so because they were just wimps? No! It's because what you say to people matter. If the entire world talks nothing but trash against you, it will eventually start to get in your head and make you wish you never existed. You do not know the full details of what is going on in a person's life or how they feel about themselves, berating them for having the mindset that they have might just be the last drop in the bucket needed for them to fall in a very deep and dark state of depression, or worse, drive them to suicide. But of course, if you've never went through any soul crushingly misery before, you will just see their suffering as all made up and exaggerated so I digress.
 
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nothingness

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I was bullied. It created a victim mindset that stuck with me all the way from 1997 'till around 2014. I used to go around putting my life story on forums and facebook groups and then feeling good receiving all the nice nice hug hug advice and never actually do anything about it. It's only when someone with the real kindness to tell me what's really up whilst "looking like a prick" snapped me out of that victim mindset funk and managed to actually start changing my life. Tough love it's called and it works. The world we live in now is a soft comfortable one despite tragedies being inflicted on others. It creates the ultimate victims; hard life early on, and a soft, reassuring, victim promoting life after. That does no one any good.

IF you have a problem, you need to face it directly and conquer it. Aka "stop being a pussy". Perfect advice for this situation.

"Aww poor you have a cuddle" is just saying to their victim mindset oriented ego "what you are doing now is giving you attention, keep doing it" and so they will forever stay in their current rut.
 
D

DeletedUser84644

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I was bullied. It created a victim mindset that stuck with me all the way from 1997 'till around 2014. I used to go around putting my life story on forums and facebook groups and then feeling good receiving all the nice nice hug hug advice and never actually do anything about it. It's only when someone with the real kindness to tell me what's really up whilst "looking like a prick" snapped me out of that victim mindset funk and managed to actually start changing my life. Tough love it's called and it works. The world we live in now is a soft comfortable one despite tragedies being inflicted on others. It creates the ultimate victims; hard life early on, and a soft, reassuring, victim promoting life after. That does no one any good.

IF you have a problem, you need to face it directly and conquer it. Aka "stop being a pussy". Perfect advice for this situation.

"Aww poor you have a cuddle" is just saying to their victim mindset oriented ego "what you are doing now is giving you attention, keep doing it" and so they will forever stay in their current rut.
I think if you do that the way David Goggins does it, then that's fine. Just don't do it like the way a Hitler would do it. Now there are some situations imo (Like being raped, abused, etc) where it's valid for someone to be a "victim". Telling someone that went through that kind of trauma to quit being a victim just basically tells them that their suffering is invalid. That something must be wrong with them to feel that way (Stuff like that is where you would advise someone to get psychological help). But if it's stuff as insignificant as crying over spilled milk, then yeah there might be some merit into using the tough love approach even though it's not my kind of style personally.
 
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