Are We In a Relationship?

[luniac]

Being Fastlane means you have to deal with other people. Having a good partner, who isn't in it for the money or fame, is a major part.


Fastlane to me is having what you want, be it cars, happy spouse, happy kids. Whatever.
If the OP wants to be in a relationship, and is asking us how, why should we treat it any differently than say a mindset post.

Fact of the matter is, no matter where you go, understanding people is your key to success. Seriously.
Want to sell widgets? Cats, as intelligent as they are, don't know how to use Amazon. I guess all Amazon users are people.
Want to sell a service to the government? There is a person their too.
What do people have?

RELATIONSHIPS.

Back on topic.
I agree with @BlackPebbles post 100%
There are too many people, male or female, in the world to chase after one "maybe".
Go for the "F*ck yes" that she described.





Another word I will bring up in this thread is "Consent".
Consent is the one word that can bring your fastlane down immediately.
Don't ever assume it's ok, that he or she wants it. Yes, guys can be raped too.

In the book, MJ talks about a girl he met at the bar. He brought up a bunch of statistics and one of those statistics was rape. Your life and freedom isn't worth a little play time and an O-face.

sry i was drunk when i wrote that lol

 

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[StevieB]

As promised, update on the situation:

Met her today, not in an ideal place for a kiss. After some consultation with women I decided to confront her with a question (instead of a plain kiss) regarding intimacy of our relationship. To put it simply, she said that she, at the moment, enjoys freedom, seeing different people and just using time to find herself. I made it very clear that I do like her and would like to share my future with her and would not compromise her freedom in any way.

This meeting was a reminder to her that my intentions are more than just being friends and that I am not willing to be placed in a friend-zone. It's a weird situation, sometimes it seems she turns on her defense mode when I confront her about our relationship, but then again, she is chasing me when I ignore her and work on improving my own life....

I'm going to give some advice that I would have given myself 6 years ago. I could get in to a long story about it but here's what I've realized.

Firstly stop thinking about this "soul mate" crap. She put that into your head and now she says she's not interested "in that way". It almost sounds like she's either playing games or very confused, either is not good. If you want more and not a 'friendship' shoulda went with the kiss. Their rarely is ever the best situation for one you have to create it and if you just go for it, that is much more attractive that waffling and 'talking about it'.

I was obsessed with a girl once, someone who I never met in real life but knew almost every intimate details of her life. Things were not progressing and each day that went by I became more disillusioned and upset because things never went to the next level. One day I realized how stupid I was. You're putting the "soul mate" relationship on a pedestal and it gets stuck in your head. One day I told her this wasn't good for me and I decided to cut off communication completely for months and it was the best thing I ever did. What you're doing is investing your romantic emotions and thoughts into someone who isn't reciprocating them and that is extremely bad for your well being. I did it the good part of 6-7 months.

There's way to many other women out there that are emotionally available for you to be perusing someone that doesn't know what they want. If finding a woman is what you want go to meetup.com, eharmony, okcupid, match, bars, night clubs or any other place that single women congregate. The world is filled with billions of people and half of them are the other sex. You create your own 'luck' by putting yourself out there in different situations. If all you do is think about 'this one girl' who doesn't even know what she wants you may have passed up 10 others that are just as qualified for the amount of time you've spent trying to get her, because to me it doesn't sound like she is emotionally available.

If by the time she IS and you are still single she will be more attracted to you because if you have as much as a good time together as you say she will miss you. So stop worrying and if you want to advance and she doesn't I would suggest you move on and keep looking elsewhere. Meetup is a great place to work on your social skills which is the #1 way to attract women and who knows, you may meet someone with similar interests.

 

[Unknown]

She just wants to keep you around while she dates a-holes. It's happened to many a nice guy, and it will continue happening as long as humans roam the earth.

You have to decide if you want to keep her as a friend, because you are in the dreaded friend zone. If you're ok with being friends then stop all romantic interaction, and treat her like a friend. If you're not ok with being friends then stop being there for her every whim. Make her come to you. She has all the power right now.

Either way you need to date someone else. It's not fair for you to wait around while she plays games.

 

[LightHouse]

It's been two weeks since, what's the outcome of this?

 

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[BlackPebbles]

I call it foot-in-the-door syndrome. Can't walk in. Can't close it.

Annoying, painful and pointless.

You're letting all the heat out.

 

[Almantas]

It's been two weeks since, what's the outcome of this?

I am now spending more time working on myself. She's in an emotional imbalance stage. She doesn't know what she wants. One day she tells one thing, another day another. I have enough stuff going on in my life already and I am looking for a woman who would be an asset rather than an emotional liability to me. I have stopped texting her often, so she started texting me telling that I am acting strangely. I don't have time for games. There is enough players in the field to take care of her. I am busy running my business.

 

[BlackPebbles]

Props to thee. Glad to hear it.

Expect a flurry of carrot-dangling so she can try and regain control.

You ain't no bitch's donkey tho.

 

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[Mike Kavanagh]

Expect a flurry of carrot-dangling so she can try and regain control.

I hate it when they try that. It never works on me because it's obvious.
Making vague statements on social media, that are obviously meant for me.

I hate carrots too. There is nothing you can do to them to make them taste better. Nothing.
Like seriously, if you actually knew me you'd shake a ho-ho or a zebra cake at me.
Hell, even asparagus is better than carrots.

But they always try the carrots. It never works.

 

[Smoothsailor]

I hate it when they try that. It never works on me because it's obvious.
Making vague statements on social media, that are obviously meant for me.

I hate carrots too. There is nothing you can do to them to make them taste better. Nothing.
Like seriously, if you actually knew me you'd shake a ho-ho or a zebra cake at me.
Hell, even asparagus is better than carrots.

But they always try the carrots. It never works.

Hahaha lmao at your hate for carrots!!!

 

[Almantas]

I hate it when they try that. It never works on me because it's obvious.
Making vague statements on social media, that are obviously meant for me.

I hate carrots too. There is nothing you can do to them to make them taste better. Nothing.
Like seriously, if you actually knew me you'd shake a ho-ho or a zebra cake at me.
Hell, even asparagus is better than carrots.

But they always try the carrots. It never works.

Your sense of humor is amazing I'll take their carrots and sell them, lol.

 

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[Smoothsailor]

Your sense of humor is amazing I'll take their carrots and sell them, lol.

Just make sure mike is not in your customer base

 

[Silverhawk851]

 

[SteveO]

Follow this link for my advice. Games People Play

 

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[Supa]

If you're not ok with being friends then stop being there for her every whim.

Yes. I think everybody who had a crush on a girl and got friendzoned without being prepared for it knows how much it can hurt. I am not saying that there can't be a real friendship between men and women, I just think it is pretty hard if one wants a romantic relationship and the other one doesn't, there is one who gets hurt in this situation.

If you're happy with just being friends, go for it! I have a few great female friends who are just friends.

But if you're into her it will be very hard for you to deal with being just a friend. I had it happen more than once but one time was the hardest.. I was thinking about how to make the move and kiss her for weeks, when one day we sat in my car, talking, when she suddenly said something like "I want to find a guy like you, you know character-wise it would be perfect, but I just didn't find one yet." that sentence hit me like a slap.

I am now spending more time working on myself. She's in an emotional imbalance stage. She doesn't know what she wants. One day she tells one thing, another day another. I have enough stuff going on in my life already and I am looking for a woman who would be an asset rather than an emotional liability to me. I have stopped texting her often, so she started texting me telling that I am acting strangely. I don't have time for games. There is enough players in the field to take care of her. I am busy running my business.

Great to hear that. There are priorities to set, and your priority #1 being your business is probably the best way to get over her emotional imbalance.

 

[SteveO]

From reading this post, it seems like you figured this all out. Way to look at this situation in a step by step fashion. It is never easy but the clues are always there.

Again, great job.

 

[Unknown]

I saw this and thought it was just too perfect not to share.

 

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[BlackPebbles]

The friend zone position is usually for a good reason, even if all the other boxes are checked.

The magical ingredient is missing... [emoji312]

 

[SteveO]

The friend zone position is usually for a good reason, even if all the other boxes are checked.

The magical ingredient is missing... [emoji312]

Regardless of reason. It must be recognized. In this case there were comments leading the poster to believe that there might be more.

Recognition is self defense.

 

[BlackPebbles]

Agreed. That soul mate shit was not ok.

 

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[Almantas]

Multiple times she has mentioned how well we look together, how well we match each other, that I am only one guy in the world so special to her (did not reveal special in what way). When I started saying that IMO confident women is the sexiest thing on earth, she started defending herself saying that she might come across as not confident at times, but she is very confident inside...

Above-mentioned situations are just few of many. Not to mention her jealousy and other nonsense...

I guess, mentally fit girl would not give such signals to a guy who is single, giving her flowers, hanging out for almost a year and mentioned that he is interested in a romantic relationship already?

 

[SteveO]

I guess, mentally fit girl would not give such signals to a guy who is single

Dude.... Protect yourself. Her words are irrelevant. It is her real actions that should be read. No physical attention during this period? No dates? No relationship.

As I said in the earlier post... The Games People Play.. "Never meaning what they say now, Never saying what they mean". Gotta learn to see past the words.

It is not about her stability. It is about you...

 

[Captain Jack]

OP, you are putting way too much effort into this.

Ask her out. If she says yes, awesome. If she is unsure and you really like her, try again later. If she says no, then move on.

By putting this off, over-analyzing, and waiting for the perfect moment, you're wasting a lot of time that could be better spent on other women or your biz.

 

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[Longinus]

By putting this off, over-analyzing, and waiting for the perfect moment, you're wasting a lot of time that could be better spent on other women or your biz.

Ten years ago I wasted 1.5 year on a girl like that. She didn't wanted to reject me. But she didn't wanted a relation either. But she loved me. But she was not ready. But maybe later. But also maybe not.

I was a fool.

I recognize those situations very fast. You are also wasting time and energy. Ten years from now, you will be looking at yourself as I do now. Just have a relationship or not, but go on with your life.

 

[Almantas]

I'll strictly obey a rule of "don't try to chase a cat, do/have what cat loves and it will come to you voluntarily". It might sound lazy,but I am really pissed off with these relationship mind games (p.s. two days ago she called me out for a 'date' - yes, a DATE - that's what she told me). Anyways, I have many more girls whom I meet occasionally and who appear to be more rational decision makers in general and I also don't need some emotional energy drainer in my life...maybe I drain my emotional energy myself, but if this is the case, she is an effective helper of this activity

Thanks for your input, guys.

 

[BlackPebbles]

Carrot dangled. Your move.

 

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[thunder_god]

You've been dating her for months and yet you still haven't kissed her? You got to man the heck up and go for it. You better hope there isn't another guy in the picture (there usually is) that will beat you to the punch. I hope I'm wrong but this sounds like a case of I am friendzoned.

 

[Ubermensch]

Hi Guys,

Typically, I post business relevant posts. In this case, however, I need some of your relationship advice.

Does it sound like we are in a relationship, what's going on in my situation, guys? Any suggestions welcome.

I dunno, bro. Define "relationship."

On second thought, don't bother.

Why bother?

I heard a good quote recently: You lose money chasing women. You DON'T lose women chasing money.

The trick of the game is to get them to chase you.

 

[Almantas]

I dunno, bro. Define "relationship."

On second thought, don't bother.

Why bother?

I heard a good quote recently: You lose money chasing women. You DON'T lose women chasing money.

The trick of the game is to get them to chase you.

I completely agree with you. IMO chasing women and trying to win their heart is pure waste of time, even if you do win her heart there's no guarantee she will always be with you, there are simply too many variables that may affect her attitude down the road and break your heart. Call me pussy, not man enough or other 'cool' beta names, but I don't have time for this drama anymore. I made a firm decision of working on myself physically and mentally and concentrating 100% on hustling, rather than thinking about her or any other woman.

As per going for a kiss. I already mentioned, she firmly declared "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I hope we are just friends"....and then she goes... "We look so nice together, we really fulfill each other in many ways" or "you are my soul mate" and she often gets jealous when other women tag me when we go visit places....so I am really pissed off with this. She knows I DO LIKE HER, because I told her. She told me she doesn't see me as a partner, but chases my tail.... She's 28 and should be more mature IMO.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe she's right, maybe my perception of what is right and wrong is flawed...but I am trying to concentrate on what attracts a cat, instead of chasing a cat. IMO having what cat loves opens a lot more doors than simply chasing a cat around the tree.

Cheers again - for your input, guys!

 

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[ModernAlpha]

Ask her out. If she says yes, awesome. If she is unsure and you really like her, try again later. If she says no, then move on.

By putting this off, over-analyzing, and waiting for the perfect moment, you're wasting a lot of time that could be better spent on other women or your biz.

I'm a full time men's dating coach and Captain Jack hit the nail on the head buddy. Whenever guys overanalyze the crap out of "this one girl" scenario's it's a key indicator of needing more experience with women in general before investing so much time/energy into this ONE woman. I see this thread is a few weeks old, if this is still an issue for you, shoot me a PM and I can give you more in depth advice for free based on your exact situation.

 

[YoungPadawan]

Go on with your life. There are billions of girls in this world. Be all that you can be and pursue greatness. When women realize that you have great dreams and aspirations and are actively pursuing greatness and achieving your goals, you will never have to worry about trying to chase women again.