Are We In a Relationship?

[Aimee]

As everyone else has said, women do expect you to lead in a relationship, whether they admit it or not. She's more than likely not going to make a move until you do.

It sounds like she likes you. Just do it. Worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same, you take it on the chin, stop obsessing over it, and move on. Best case? She likes you back.

With that in mind, if someone blows hot and cold, gives you mixed signals, or even goes as far to say as 'I don't want you to fall in love with me,' I'd definitely back off because even if things seem okay in the moment, it'll probably all go to crap later on down the line. Calling you her "soul mate" is pretty bold, though. If that's not a sign she likes you, I don't know what is.

Good luck, though. I hope it goes well for you!

 

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[bringitnow28329]

There are way too many women out there to settle on one. There are no soul mates. Anybody is a match for anyone else. For some reason women don't realize this which is why they think love is real, when in reality it's just an emotional response. That so called love can disapear in the blink of an eye given the right circumstance. Unfortunately long term relationships do not work really. Men reluctantly give in to relationships and then sign away their lives when they get married and start hitting themselves after a few years when they have nothing to talk about, stop receiving regular sex, and then their wives get fat and stop taking care of themselves. Don't fall for the bait. They try to suck you in. This girl works at a cafe. That means you will end up paying for everything when she doesn't ever "find herself". And like Aimee above said they expect you to lead. If you are not a leader as many "nice guys" are not, they will sh*t on you and ultimately they will choose another guy. Sorry to be negative but this really is the way it is whether men will admit it, and women have no idea how men are. All these people who have been married for 5+ years are not happy and are going to be a lot more unhappy when they lose 50-70% of their net worth in divorce. I realize you aren't even in a relationship yet but this is a warning and some foresight into what the red pill holds for you.

 

[Supa]

There are way too many women out there to settle on one. There are no soul mates. Anybody is a match but long term relationships do not work really. Men sign away their lives when they get married and start hitting themselves after a few years when they have nothing to talk about, stop receiving regular sex, and then wives get fat. Don't fall for the bait. They try to suck you in. This girl works at a cafe. That means you will end up paying for everything when she doesn't ever "find herself". Sorry to be negative but this really is the way it is whether men will admit it. All these people who have been married for 5+ years are not happy.

It seems like you either had some bad experiences in the past or read about them.. Saying that long term relationships generally don't work is bullshit. Saying that all these people who have been married more than 5 years are not happy is bullshit. Actually I wouldn't care if I would pay everything for my girl/wife to give her the best life possible.

I can't agree with one single word in your post..

 

[Duane]

There are way too many women out there to settle on one. There are no soul mates. Anybody is a match for anyone else. For some reason women don't realize this which is why they think love is real, when in reality it's just an emotional response. That so called love can disapear in the blink of an eye given the right circumstance. Unfortunately long term relationships do not work really. Men reluctantly give in to relationships and then sign away their lives when they get married and start hitting themselves after a few years when they have nothing to talk about, stop receiving regular sex, and then their wives get fat and stop taking care of themselves. Don't fall for the bait. They try to suck you in. This girl works at a cafe. That means you will end up paying for everything when she doesn't ever "find herself". And like Aimee above said they expect you to lead. If you are not a leader as many "nice guys" are not, they will sh*t on you and ultimately they will choose another guy. Sorry to be negative but this really is the way it is whether men will admit it, and women have no idea how men are. All these people who have been married for 5+ years are not happy and are going to be a lot more unhappy when they lose 50-70% of their net worth in divorce. I realize you aren't even in a relationship yet but this is a warning and some foresight into what the red pill holds for you.

What we tend to think is going to happen normally ends up being the case. If you think women and relationships are that way, they will be that way. However, your views are very sad and twisted. I promise you they are far from that, unless you are dating scum.. There are shitty women and shitty men.

I tend to find that we attract that which we are. So if you have a low self esteem and low confidence, then that's the kind of girls that will be attracted to you. Not a girl with high self worth and is going somewhere in life. She will only want to be with a guy on that level.

Long term relationships work, but it's A LOT HARDER than just finding a new one. It requires you to always be changing things up, keeping that chemistry fresh and alive and that love strong. That's why divorce is so high, we settle. We fall into patterns and things get boring for both parties.

Girls with strong morale's and a high self esteem are very faithful and trustworthy. They will be by your side through all of it and as long as you keep pushing forward and don't settle, things will never get boring and they will never stray.

I've been in multi-year long relationships and have had my share of one night stands. I can promise you the one night stands aren't anywhere close to as fulfilling and passionate as being with that one person you've grown fond of. As an added bonus, you have a partner with you through thick and thin. It's not you vs the world, its you two vs the world.

 

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[mrarcher]

I've been with my wife since I was 13. That's coming up for 11 years and we are very happy. And she's still hot as F*ck! Maybe there isn't Soulmates but I am happier believing there is and that I have mine.

There are way too many women out there to settle on one. There are no soul mates. Anybody is a match for anyone else. For some reason women don't realize this which is why they think love is real, when in reality it's just an emotional response. That so called love can disapear in the blink of an eye given the right circumstance. Unfortunately long term relationships do not work really. Men reluctantly give in to relationships and then sign away their lives when they get married and start hitting themselves after a few years when they have nothing to talk about, stop receiving regular sex, and then their wives get fat and stop taking care of themselves. Don't fall for the bait. They try to suck you in. This girl works at a cafe. That means you will end up paying for everything when she doesn't ever "find herself". And like Aimee above said they expect you to lead. If you are not a leader as many "nice guys" are not, they will sh*t on you and ultimately they will choose another guy. Sorry to be negative but this really is the way it is whether men will admit it, and women have no idea how men are. All these people who have been married for 5+ years are not happy and are going to be a lot more unhappy when they lose 50-70% of their net worth in divorce. I realize you aren't even in a relationship yet but this is a warning and some foresight into what the red pill holds for you.

 

[mrarcher]

For the OP

 

[Karri]

Close the deal mate.

 

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[FastNAwesome]

This happened to me many, many times.

Seems she really got into you, likes you and has been giving you many hints for quite a while now...
Now you'll either make a move, or she'll eventually cool off or just decide to move on.

Basically, she's giving you a green light, but keep stalling and it's gonna turn red.



While just suddenly going for a kiss approach is likely to be weird, and make you tensed too - it might just work despite of it because she plain and simple likes you. And is sure better than no plan. She'll either let you kiss her or won't.

But you can also make things easier and smoother for both (would be much simpler if I made a video, but hopefully this will help)...

When you meet with her for that romantic walk or whatever:

1. Start "raising the temperature" from the start. I'm guessing you're already kissing each other on the cheek when you meet (if not, it's time to start). Well, this time just make that first kiss a bit longer, pull her in a bit closer, press your lips on her a bit stronger and a bit closer to her lips. Or even so close that you touch her lips. You'll see and feel she likes it. If you feel she's ready for "the kiss" right then and there, you may even go for it, and ignore the rest of this post

2. Grab her by the hand and take her for a walk wherever you wanted to go. Stay on easy and fun subjects...you don't want to argue with her now and spoil the moment.

3. Stop at some nice spot. Shut up Let a little silence set in. And then finally go for "the kiss". This doesn't need to be sudden and awkward, it can be made smooth in many ways. Depending on where you stand (for example, facing her - or maybe slightly behind her as you both enjoy the view) you can start kissing her cheek, neck...she'll either let you do these things or she won't - and you'll know full well whether to go for "the kiss" or not.


One more thing - although you're both adults in your twenties, girls perceive age difference a bit more drastically when guy is younger, so show her you're mature, take the lead, take the initiative and make it happen already

And don't settle for the kiss.

Romantic relationship includes physical connection. Not sure how to say it in appropriate language, but...have your place ready for a romantic night

Another option is to invite her straight to your place - and then it might be easier for you to turn kissing into...a fun night

And until and unless you spend such a night with her - no more flowers Stop it, she already likes you. She's already convinced you're a great guy. No more sweet messages. Don't friendzone yourself.

As everyone else has said, women do expect you to lead in a relationship, whether they admit it or not. She's more than likely not going to make a move until you do.

It sounds like she likes you. Just do it. Worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same, you take it on the chin, stop obsessing over it, and move on. Best case? She likes you back.

With that in mind, if someone blows hot and cold, gives you mixed signals, or even goes as far to say as 'I don't want you to fall in love with me,' I'd definitely back off because even if things seem okay in the moment, it'll probably all go to crap later on down the line. Calling you her "soul mate" is pretty bold, though. If that's not a sign she likes you, I don't know what is.

Good luck, though. I hope it goes well for you!

+1. Everything said right here. From your story I get it that she was cold to begin with but then gradually warmed up and now really liking you.

 

[Almantas]

This happened to me many, many times.

Seems she really got into you, likes you and has been giving you many hints for quite a while now...
Now you'll either make a move, or she'll eventually cool off or just decide to move on.

Basically, she's giving you a green light, but keep stalling and it's gonna turn red.



While just suddenly going for a kiss approach is likely to be weird, and make you tensed too - it might just work despite of it because she plain and simple likes you. And is sure better than no plan. She'll either let you kiss her or won't.

But you can also make things easier and smoother for both (would be much simpler if I made a video, but hopefully this will help)...

When you meet with her for that romantic walk or whatever:

1. Start "raising the temperature" from the start. I'm guessing you're already kissing each other on the cheek when you meet (if not, it's time to start). Well, this time just make that first kiss a bit longer, pull her in a bit closer, press your lips on her a bit stronger and a bit closer to her lips. Or even so close that you touch her lips. You'll see and feel she likes it. If you feel she's ready for "the kiss" right then and there, you may even go for it, and ignore the rest of this post

2. Grab her by the hand and take her for a walk wherever you wanted to go. Stay on easy and fun subjects...you don't want to argue with her now and spoil the moment.

3. Stop at some nice spot. Shut up Let a little silence set in. And then finally go for "the kiss". This doesn't need to be sudden and awkward, it can be made smooth in many ways. Depending on where you stand (for example, facing her - or maybe slightly behind her as you both enjoy the view) you can start kissing her cheek, neck...she'll either let you do these things or she won't - and you'll know full well whether to go for "the kiss" or not.


One more thing - although you're both adults in your twenties, girls perceive age difference a bit more drastically when guy is younger, so show her you're mature, take the lead, take the initiative and make it happen already

And don't settle for the kiss.

Romantic relationship includes physical connection. Not sure how to say it in appropriate language, but...have your place ready for a romantic night

Another option is to invite her straight to your place - and then it might be easier for you to turn kissing into...a fun night

And until and unless you spend such a night with her - no more flowers Stop it, she already likes you. She's already convinced you're a great guy. No more sweet messages. Don't friendzone yourself.



+1. Everything said right here. From your story I get it that she was cold to begin with but then gradually warmed up and now really liking you.

Thank you for your insightful post. Greatly appreciate your tips, although we have never even held each other's arms or kissed in a cheek, we always hug each other. I will now make a move to kiss her, if she rejects I'll ask her what our relationship signifies to her.

 

[FastNAwesome]

Greatly appreciate your tips, although we have never even held each other's arms or kissed in a cheek, we always hug each other.

You're welcome, feel free to ask any questions, here or by PM. And yeah, time to take things up a notch, the next time add a kiss to that hug.

if she rejects I'll ask her what our relationship signifies to her

I think it's great wording and a great straight forward question.

 

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[GIlman]

You'll never get the girl you want. You have to take the girl you want.

Passivity and weakness are not qualities I've ever heard a girl expess as something they desire. What is (nearly) every girls dieing desire? "To be swept off their feet.". Ive never once heard one fantasize about "i just woke up one day and realized i kinda liked him".

The other thing you hear ALL the time is girls afraid of guys who won't commit. Ever heard that one before. If she does like you, im willing to bet almost 100% this very concern is going through her head right at this moment, she's probably beginning to question if your that guy.

What is committing, its taking your relationship to the next logical step (in her mind at least). Girls biology is just different than ours. Most girls want children and families. They have a small window of time to do this and their psychology/biology is geared towards finding a suitable mate and proceeding down the pathway to have children and feel protected and safe in the relationship.

So make a bold strong move. If she rejects you now, she will never (really) accept you later. If she did almost certainly it would not be a great relationship, i.e. you were the last resort or backup option.

Best if luck. Let us know how it goes

 

[Alan LT]

You're posting your problem in the wrong forum. If you're open minded, then read these two books.

If your close minded, then good luck.

 

[Almantas]

As promised, update on the situation:

Met her today, not in an ideal place for a kiss. After some consultation with women I decided to confront her with a question (instead of a plain kiss) regarding intimacy of our relationship. To put it simply, she said that she, at the moment, enjoys freedom, seeing different people and just using time to find herself. I made it very clear that I do like her and would like to share my future with her and would not compromise her freedom in any way.

This meeting was a reminder to her that my intentions are more than just being friends and that I am not willing to be placed in a friend-zone. It's a weird situation, sometimes it seems she turns on her defense mode when I confront her about our relationship, but then again, she is chasing me when I ignore her and work on improving my own life....

 

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[luniac]

Wat r you doing hanging out with girls!?!? THERES BUSINESS TO BE DONE!!!!

p.s.
shoulda just went for the kiss, uncertainty is exciting.

 

[JordanK]

I think you're getting the wrong advice Almantas. The dating scene in America is a lot different to how it is here in Ireland. My advice to you would be to organise a Saturday night out with your friends and invite her along (with her friends). You're going to get a much more relaxed atmosphere and if anything is going to happen it'll happen there.

 

[carlolacson]

As promised, update on the situation:

This meeting was a reminder to her that my intentions are more than just being friends and that I am not willing to be placed in a friend-zone. It's a weird situation, sometimes it seems she turns on her defense mode when I confront her about our relationship, but then again, she is chasing me when I ignore her and work on improving my own life....

It seems she's giving you the right signals and she's into you. The only way to confirm is to take the chance man either Kiss her when you feel it's time or move on!

Like I said, you're torturing yourself better suffer the pain of rejection than pain of regret.

 

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[FastNAwesome]

Met her today, not in an ideal place for a kiss.

Ideal place for the kiss is lips...for start

Joking aside (although it's true...

After some consultation with women I decided to confront her with a question (instead of a plain kiss) regarding intimacy of our relationship.

Discussion is the furthest thing ever from attraction. And so is being an open book. You sent her flowers for Valentine's day. She's not naive
She knows you like her, no need to "confront her" with that info

It takes the magic away, and even is she likes you, she's doesn't really have much options but to respond in a manner that she did.



In dating, a lot is said through subcommunication, and a lot of words are unspoken.


Not sure what exactly did you ask her, and what was the answer you expected, but you're not the first guy who asked a girl such question and got such an answer.
Ask me how I know


Note that what you really mean, and what you (sub)communicate to her can differ. And it's not depending only on you, but on her past experiences as well. But to stay on topic...


Maybe to her your question subcommunicated that you'd expect too much of a commitment too fast, or that you'd be jelaous like perhaps some of her exes was...


Here's one more subtlety. By confronting her with your feelings like that, you're not taking a lead, but asking her to do so. It's like "ok, I feel this'n'that. Now the ball is in your yard. What are YOU gonna do?".

What possibly can she respond with?

Even if you just said: "Look, can I just kiss you? Just once...I want to kiss your lips" - unapologetically and looking her in the eyes...
From my experience, even that would work better. Because in a way it's leading...it's taking an initiative...and that's attractive...plus she doesn't have to think up a response, or consider what level of commitment you're talking about. You just want the kiss, and you're so asking for it, and she will let you know if she wants one or not.

This of course is a lousy approach in itself, but hopefully illustrates the difference in dynamic when you lead vs. expecting her to lead.


Quick hints:

- If you become too valuable to her as a friend, then relationship will probably be out of the question.

- Sounds like you're getting too emotionally invested in something that doesn't even exist yet (your potential relationship). For analogy, it's not unlike a bungee jump. Scary but with a promise for excitement. You can choose to jump (scary but exciting) or to back away (sucks but safe). But instead you choose the worst of both worlds - standing on that platform and dwelling on it, feeling both the fear of jump, and the suck of not daring to jump. And if you dwell long enough, the girl below who you asked to film your jump will just get bored and go with some other dude

she is chasing me when I ignore her and work on improving my own life....

Sounds good


Sorry if the post is a bit over the place, there's just so many aspects and not easy to cram it all into a post, hopefully something is useful here.

 

[Almantas]

I think you're getting the wrong advice Almantas. The dating scene in America is a lot different to how it is here in Ireland. My advice to you would be to organise a Saturday night out with your friends and invite her along (with her friends). You're going to get a much more relaxed atmosphere and if anything is going to happen it'll happen there.

Thank you for your advice, Jordan. She's not drinking, so will likely organize a trip somewhere to see Galway cliffs or similar with some friends instead

 

[Almantas]

Ideal place for the kiss is lips...for start

Joking aside (although it's true...





Discussion is the furthest thing ever from attraction. And so is being an open book. You sent her flowers for Valentine's day. She's not naive
She knows you like her, no need to "confront her" with that info

It takes the magic away, and even is she likes you, she's doesn't really have much options but to respond in a manner that she did.



In dating, a lot is said through subcommunication, and a lot of words are unspoken.


Not sure what exactly did you ask her, and what was the answer you expected, but you're not the first guy who asked a girl such question and got such an answer.
Ask me how I know


Note that what you really mean, and what you (sub)communicate to her can differ. And it's not depending only on you, but on her past experiences as well. But to stay on topic...


Maybe to her your question subcommunicated that you'd expect too much of a commitment too fast, or that you'd be jelaous like perhaps some of her exes was...


Here's one more subtlety. By confronting her with your feelings like that, you're not taking a lead, but asking her to do so. It's like "ok, I feel this'n'that. Now the ball is in your yard. What are YOU gonna do?".

What possibly can she respond with?

Even if you just said: "Look, can I just kiss you? Just once...I want to kiss your lips" - unapologetically and looking her in the eyes...
From my experience, even that would work better. Because in a way it's leading...it's taking an initiative...and that's attractive...plus she doesn't have to think up a response, or consider what level of commitment you're talking about. You just want the kiss, and you're so asking for it, and she will let you know if she wants one or not.

This of course is a lousy approach in itself, but hopefully illustrates the difference in dynamic when you lead vs. expecting her to lead.


Quick hints:

- If you become too valuable to her as a friend, then relationship will probably be out of the question.

- Sounds like you're getting too emotionally invested in something that doesn't even exist yet (your potential relationship). For analogy, it's not unlike a bungee jump. Scary but with a promise for excitement. You can choose to jump (scary but exciting) or to back away (sucks but safe). But instead you choose the worst of both worlds - standing on that platform and dwelling on it, feeling both the fear of jump, and the suck of not daring to jump. And if you dwell long enough, the girl below who you asked to film your jump will just get bored and go with some other dude







Sounds good


Sorry if the post is a bit over the place, there's just so many aspects and not easy to cram it all into a post, hopefully something is useful here.

Thank you! Solid reply. I totally agree that I shouldn't waste more time and look for excuses to cover my subconscious fear of possible rejection. I have to overcome this as soon as possible before the ship sails out.

 

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[mrarcher]

Thank you! Solid reply. I totally agree that I shouldn't waste more time and look for excuses to cover my subconscious fear of possible rejection. I have to overcome this as soon as possible before the ship sails out.

I think since she has already knocked you back pushing it further will most likely drive her away. Maybe she just needs the emotional attachment and isn't looking for a relationship. Do you want to know the 100% guaranteed way to get women? Don't try to get women!

 

[Smoothsailor]

It doesn't sounds like you are in a relationship yet. But from what you write, I think she fell in love with you. Good for you mate, you can make her your partner, you can stay friends or you can stop seeing her, just be clear for your own and her sake.

 

[Almantas]

I think since she has already knocked you back pushing it further will most likely drive her away. Maybe she just needs the emotional attachment and isn't looking for a relationship. Do you want to know the 100% guaranteed way to get women? Don't try to get women!

There's some mysterious truth in your statement. Every time I seem to ignore her, she runs after me. Every time I show affection and remind how much she means to me, she typically acts as if she doesn't really care. Some twisted strategy IMO.

 

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[mrarcher]

There's some mysterious truth in your statement. Every time I seem to ignore her, she runs after me. Every time I show affection and remind how much she means to me, she typically acts as if she doesn't really care. Some twisted strategy IMO.

Ever notice why happily married or gay men seem to have women fall in love with them so easily? It's because they are not interested in being with them and don't see them as some kind of enigma or conquest. They see women as other humans and treat them like they would a guy that they meet. The woman in question sees that he is interested in her for what she is and genuinely interested in what she has to say and accidentally falls in love. Its a bit like MJ's story about the cat. If you don't care about the money (getting with her) the more she will like you. Maybe it isn't some twisted strategy. Maybe she appreciates having you around and as a friend but doesn't want more. So when you show affection it puts her off.
A little tip for future though. Never Ever listen to pick up artists. They are the equivalent of get rich easy!
Don't push, don't try just let it happen, if nothing comes of it you still have a good friend. I have been with my with since I was 13 and have no interest in other women whatsoever, but if I go out in a bar or just normal situations I have had women try one way or another to get with me! Simply because I'm interested in them personally instead of trying to hook up with them.

 

[Rawr]

As promised, update on the situation:

Met her today, not in an ideal place for a kiss. After some consultation with women I decided to confront her with a question (instead of a plain kiss) regarding intimacy of our relationship. To put it simply, she said that she, at the moment, enjoys freedom, seeing different people and just using time to find herself. I made it very clear that I do like her and would like to share my future with her and would not compromise her freedom in any way.

This meeting was a reminder to her that my intentions are more than just being friends and that I am not willing to be placed in a friend-zone. It's a weird situation, sometimes it seems she turns on her defense mode when I confront her about our relationship, but then again, she is chasing me when I ignore her and work on improving my own life....

I am on the other side of the spectrum from you. I have no issues getting to sex with a girl, it's the stuff after that, that's hard. (Btw, I've found out getting to sex is like 30% of the whole thing..the relationship is the 70%)


So, on that note,

To imagine that there was a guy who knew a girl, who was interested in a girl, it'd be logical he'd ask her out, right?

and if she said, 'no, sorry', then he'd say 'well, next."

but if this guy didn't do it, and hung around for a year, just getting to know her, it would be worth asking why is this guy doing this to himself, does he not want what he said he wants?

but the guy isn't sure she is interested, he wants to present himself at his best, he wants the perfect time... well, this guy is worried about the wrong things.

if she is single, he needs to be just asking her, 'do you want to go out with me?'

that's all. because that's all he can really do.

a year is a long time for a girl to wait for a guy to ask her out, that she likes. if she really liked him, she'd make big hints for some time, but no girl will wait a year.

so, i think you got yourself a girl who sees you as another guy to call when bored.

if you want her to see you as a guy she wants to go out with, be romantic with, to have sex with, then you need to be that guy. But she knows who you are now - to her, you aren't this guy.

so leave her alone, go get busy. don't meet up with her for a few weeks.

then realize that this is not going to work out, unless SHE becomes attracted to you, and there isn't much you can do- you need advanced game to turn her attraction on. But you can't do advanced yet. Your beginner game is to stand up for yourself -and learn from this, and don't wait a year with the next girl you'll find attractive. There will be.

 

[BlackPebbles]

If it's this hard, it's a bad sign, imo.

She's an older woman, and the first thing older women get cool with is jumping younger dudes.

I feel like this thread opened a portal to the 1950s.[emoji156][emoji164]

Take people at their word... she said "don't fall in love with me". Translation: messed up in the head over last human/emotionally unavailable.

To my way of thinking, it should be easy. And yes, I'm a chick. Everything about it should be flow and easy, and can't wait to be alone ... attack each other when the elevator door closes... that kind of attraction. Anything less is selling yourself short and wasting life.

The challenge should be keeping your mitts off each other in public rather than working how to get your mitts ON each other!

Two people should be equally gagging for it or you may have a flounder of a relationship on your hands.

Query anyone who knows a soulmate without the kiss. If either of you is a dud kisser or a dud in the sack, this soul mate jag is going to be over in a flash.

Direct communication wins. Chemistry wins. Not wasting time wins.

 

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[luniac]

this is The Fastlane Forum, wtf does ur girl have to do with fastlane?

 

[Mattie]

This is just my two cents on the subject, but when it comes to soul mate type relationships it's not about moving fast, and regardless whether you've kissed her or not, it will work its self out in time. Soulmates are more about being best friends, companions, and usually a lot of personal growth and development involved through the whole journey. It's not about being negative and conflict as much as learning to accept each other for who you are.

It's more about letting go of all the world's slush about relationships and pretty much like Entrepreneurship to a degree. Getting over yourself, getting over your fears, getting over the past wounds, and trusting yourself and each other.

From what you've stated, it sounds like you've already been creating this and bonding over time, and that's probably why she's feeling you're a soul mate, and not the average pick up artist or bad relationships that end up breaking you down instead of building you up.

Why it's taking so long is because you're both getting over your fears and doing a lot of learning about self and each other.

Bringing up the horses again. Fortunately, you mirror each other, and if one of you fears something and makes the other one feel it's unsafe, the other one will buck and withdraw or pull away. If you show it's safe to be an open book and intimate, the other one will as well.

It's pretty much like this in a relationship. You've dated other people and have a past history with family. Bad experiences and you're relating to what you've experienced. Same thing with Entrepreneurship. You don't look backwards, and you don't compare the now with yesterday's mistakes and failures. Right now is all that matters.

You create your relationship by finding your own self worth first and getting past your fears. And focus on your own actions, thoughts, and feelings and let her worry about hers.

If you envision this, you're both dressed in protection "Hockey Gear as a visual" thinking if you get emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically involved, "I will get hurt." Both are thinking about this and looking backward. Sooner or later one of you has to be strong and courageous enough to take off the protection and gear and be open and vulnerable. It's a risk and learning to trust yourself with the other person. Virtually being naked emotionally, mentally, and spiritually with one another. Physical is only 10% of the relationship. The other 90% is being compatible and learning to move together as best friends and trusting one another with just about everything.

The average person never finds true love or a soul mate relationship because they're not willing to go the extra mile and go the distance in personal development and spiritual growth. Just like Entrepreneurship you both have to be two individuals willing to do the inner work, get through the obstacles, and learn to problem solve.

So my suggestion is if you are over being fearful of kissing her, go for it. If you make her feel it's safe to express herself in that way, she will open up. That's the mistake men make, they don't understand when they pull away from a woman they end up sending the message it's not safe for her to be open to receive love, affection, and intimacy.

You are the leader, and of course woman get frustrated waiting around forever and trying to figure out whether you're interested in her or not. And this is the biggest complaint I hear from woman. They're always waiting for some sign you're serious about a relationship and not playing mind games and you're in 100% and all the way.

 

[Almantas]

This is just my two cents on the subject, but when it comes to soul mate type relationships it's not about moving fast, and regardless whether you've kissed her or not, it will work its self out in time. Soulmates are more about being best friends, companions, and usually a lot of personal growth and development involved through the whole journey. It's not about being negative and conflict as much as learning to accept each other for who you are.

It's more about letting go of all the world's slush about relationships and pretty much like Entrepreneurship to a degree. Getting over yourself, getting over your fears, getting over the past wounds, and trusting yourself and each other.

From what you've stated, it sounds like you've already been creating this and bonding over time, and that's probably why she's feeling you're a soul mate, and not the average pick up artist or bad relationships that end up breaking you down instead of building you up.

Why it's taking so long is because you're both getting over your fears and doing a lot of learning about self and each other.

Bringing up the horses again. Fortunately, you mirror each other, and if one of you fears something and makes the other one feel it's unsafe, the other one will buck and withdraw or pull away. If you show it's safe to be an open book and intimate, the other one will as well.

It's pretty much like this in a relationship. You've dated other people and have a past history with family. Bad experiences and you're relating to what you've experienced. Same thing with Entrepreneurship. You don't look backwards, and you don't compare the now with yesterday's mistakes and failures. Right now is all that matters.

You create your relationship by finding your own self worth first and getting past your fears. And focus on your own actions, thoughts, and feelings and let her worry about hers.

If you envision this, you're both dressed in protection "Hockey Gear as a visual" thinking if you get emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically involved, "I will get hurt." Both are thinking about this and looking backward. Sooner or later one of you has to be strong and courageous enough to take off the protection and gear and be open and vulnerable. It's a risk and learning to trust yourself with the other person. Virtually being naked emotionally, mentally, and spiritually with one another. Physical is only 10% of the relationship. The other 90% is being compatible and learning to move together as best friends and trusting one another with just about everything.

The average person never finds true love or a soul mate relationship because they're not willing to go the extra mile and go the distance in personal development and spiritual growth. Just like Entrepreneurship you both have to be two individuals willing to do the inner work, get through the obstacles, and learn to problem solve.

So my suggestion is if you are over being fearful of kissing her, go for it. If you make her feel it's safe to express herself in that way, she will open up. That's the mistake men make, they don't understand when they pull away from a woman they end up sending the message it's not safe for her to be open to receive love, affection, and intimacy.

You are the leader, and of course woman get frustrated waiting around forever and trying to figure out whether you're interested in her or not. And this is the biggest complaint I hear from woman. They're always waiting for some sign you're serious about a relationship and not playing mind games and you're in 100% and all the way.

Thank you for your insightful post. I agree - it takes time and patience for proper relationship to develop. Especially in my case, where both people have negative dating experiences when it comes to long-term relationships. I will make my move and see how she reacts. Thank you for your contribution

 

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[Mike Kavanagh]

this is The Fastlane Forum, wtf does ur girl have to do with fastlane?

Being Fastlane means you have to deal with other people. Having a good partner, who isn't in it for the money or fame, is a major part.


Fastlane to me is having what you want, be it cars, happy spouse, happy kids. Whatever.
If the OP wants to be in a relationship, and is asking us how, why should we treat it any differently than say a mindset post.

Fact of the matter is, no matter where you go, understanding people is your key to success. Seriously.
Want to sell widgets? Cats, as intelligent as they are, don't know how to use Amazon. I guess all Amazon users are people.
Want to sell a service to the government? There is a person their too.
What do people have?

RELATIONSHIPS.

Back on topic.
I agree with @BlackPebbles post 100%
There are too many people, male or female, in the world to chase after one "maybe".
Go for the "F*ck yes" that she described.





Another word I will bring up in this thread is "Consent".
Consent is the one word that can bring your fastlane down immediately.
Don't ever assume it's ok, that he or she wants it. Yes, guys can be raped too.

In the book, MJ talks about a girl he met at the bar. He brought up a bunch of statistics and one of those statistics was rape. Your life and freedom isn't worth a little play time and an O-face.

 

[mrarcher]

I've noticed a lot of replies in this thread begin to mention relationships then jump to SEEEEXXXX! You'll have enough sex in your lifetime trust me. Take it off the table and build a decent relationship. Would you be happy with someone after you for your money? If your main focus is sex its not much different.