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Are We In a Relationship?

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

Almantas

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Hi Guys,

Typically, I post business relevant posts. In this case, however, I need some of your relationship advice.

Ok, so I met this 28 y/o girl last summer on Facebook (24 y/o myself). She is a mutual friend of another friend and was just a month since she left her boyfriend after 6 years in a relationship. She said she left him because he didn't want anything from life, was working 8-5 and didn't plan anything in life. She said she wanted to move while still young.

She's currently living in the same town I do, lives with mother and sister and is doing her best in order to find herself. She's reading a lot, working in cafe shop and is enthusiastic about self-development.

I started seeing her in August. We had numerous park meetings, some nature adventure trips, like 30 tea meetings, meetings in random places and so on... so, more or less we see each other once a week. At the beginning of our seeings she was kinda cold and said that she doesn't want me to fall in love with her, when I asked her out after only 3 months of seeing her.

Three months ago, however, she started saying how well we fulfill each other and intensified requests for meetings. If I hinted that I like some particular type of women she started indirectly convincing me that she's kinda like that in a way...ok, I sent flowers for Valentines to her work place and two weeks after that some more flowers just because I wanted to randomly surprise her, she was very happy about it. Now, she's very close to me emotionally, she finally asks me to collect her from home when we meet, is a lot more open when we are talking and texts me a lot. Also, she started sending quotations and songs about soul mates, that I'm her soul mate and similar stuff....

The thing is...in multiple occasions we were sitting together in a close enough proximity for me to kiss her. However, I did not. I like her a lot and don't want to mess things up, however I also realize that by moving too slowly I might lose her, but then again...if she likes me, she would not leave me just for this, I suppose. To put it simply, I've never kissed her yet, because I had no balls to do so.

Does it sound like we are in a relationship, what's going on in my situation, guys? Any suggestions welcome.
 
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MrOrigon

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...this is a business and entrepreneurship forum - you do know that, yes?
Isn't this better suited material for a conversation with your buddies over some cold beers?

That being said, if you haven't kissed her, it's not any capacity of romantic relationship. I didn't even read your whole post and I know that.
 

NewJamesBond

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The whole time I read that I thought you were sleeping with her and you were going to end the post saying that you were scared to commit to her...
I write that because it sounds like your relationship with her is already very intimate. It sounds like you've been dating her for months, not as if you had just been friends.

If you want to kiss her, kiss her. – I would suggest on working on yourself; you need to just be able to stand up and take the risk, I mean if you want a sexual/romantic relationship with her.
 

Almantas

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...this is a business and entrepreneurship forum - you do know that, yes?
Isn't this better suited material for a conversation with your buddies over some cold beers?

That being said, if you haven't kissed her, it's not any capacity of romantic relationship. I didn't even read your whole post and I know that.

This is my first time posting stuff like this, and, yes, I believe it's not' related to business at all, but 'People & Relationships' forum section seems to be an appropriate enough place for my post. I believe it is not necessary to be so rude, if you had a bad day or experiences in your life, turn them into positives, instead of releasing your negative attitude on this forum. I am a relatively new member of this forum, but, in my opinion, being united and helpful will move this community a lot further than spreading anger and frustration.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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MrOrigon

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I don't know how to quote MJ's reply to me, but...

Sorry, I feel like an a$$. I didn't know there was a people/relationships thread here...

I didn't mean to make a bad impression! I'm new here!
 
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MrOrigon

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This is my first time posting stuff like this, and, yes, I believe it's not' related to business at all, but 'People & Relationships' forum section seems to be an appropriate enough place for my post. I believe it is not necessary to be so rude, if you had a bad day or experiences in your life, turn them into positives, instead of releasing your negative attitude on this forum. I am a relatively new member of this forum, but, in my opinion, being united and helpful will move this community a lot further than spreading anger and frustration.

Sorry Almantas, I reread my reply and it was sour. You're right, this is supposed to be a friendly place - and I'M the one at fault for failing to realize that, in the forum you posted this in, it is a completely appropriate question.

That being said, let me offer some genuine advice (despite probably being quite a bit younger than you) - girls are pretty aware of body language and, in my experience, are pretty good at telling what a guy wants. If she's getting the vibe that you seem interested, and she's sticking around, that's a good sign. Don't be afraid to make the first move, whether it be telling her you want to take her out to dinner (specify that it will be a DATE and make your romantic intentions clear) or going in for a kiss.

If you're worried that going for a kiss and being rejected will ruin your relationship with her, know that you're in control of whether or not it's awkward. If you get rejected, just laugh, shrug, and say, "Well, I had to at least try" and continue your conversation. As long as you don't act embarrassed, she won't find it awkward and you can try again another time.

Hope I've redeemed myself... I feel like a fool:headbanger:
 

Almantas

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Sorry Almantas, I reread my reply and it was sour. You're right, this is supposed to be a friendly place - and I'M the one at fault for failing to realize that, in the forum you posted this in, it is a completely appropriate question.

That being said, let me offer some genuine advice (despite probably being quite a bit younger than you) - girls are pretty aware of body language and, in my experience, are pretty good at telling what a guy wants. If she's getting the vibe that you seem interested, and she's sticking around, that's a good sign. Don't be afraid to make the first move, whether it be telling her you want to take her out to dinner (specify that it will be a DATE and make your romantic intentions clear) or going in for a kiss.

If you're worried that going for a kiss and being rejected will ruin your relationship with her, know that you're in control of whether or not it's awkward. If you get rejected, just laugh, shrug, and say, "Well, I had to at least try" and continue your conversation. As long as you don't act embarrassed, she won't find it awkward and you can try again another time.

Hope I've redeemed myself... I feel like a fool:headbanger:

Thanks for your friendly advice. We all learn from our mistakes and you've learnt yours. Enjoy your stay on this forum and I hope you'll learn and contribute in the future!
 
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GuestUser8117

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The thing is...in multiple occasions we were sitting together in a close enough proximity for me to kiss her. However, I did not. I like her a lot and don't want to mess things up, however I also realize that by moving too slowly I might lose her, but then again...if she likes me, she would not leave me just for this, I suppose. To put it simply, I've never kissed her yet, because I had no balls to do so.

Look her into the eyes and kiss her!
 
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Duane

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It sounds like she wants more, but is waiting for you to lead it in that direction. As men we should LEAD. Which it sounds like you've lead to a certain extent, but haven't pushed forward sexually. So my question is, do you want to kiss her?

Take her on a stroll somewhere with good vibes later on in the night.(I love walks on the beach/parks/etc.) Have somewhere you and her can chill and have a good time alone. When you're talking to her and you have that moment when you're both just gazing into each others eyes, and you're just really feeling it.. Lean in a little, look at her lips, then back to her eyes and take that moment. If you want something from her, after that kiss when she has that ear to ear smile, tell her to be your girl.

After that, don't stop there. Keep leading it forward at the pace YOU want that relationship to go. If she feels it's going to fast for her she will let you know, but I'd rather go at my own pace and then take a step back when she isn't comfortable, rather than to never push it forward in fear of X/Y/Z and the chemistry we had fizzling out.
 

carlolacson

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Hi Guys,

At the beginning of our seeings she was kinda cold and said that she doesn't want me to fall in love with her, when I asked her out after only 3 months of seeing her.

The thing is...in multiple occasions we were sitting together in a close enough proximity for me to kiss her. However, I did not. I like her a lot and don't want to mess things up, however I also realize that by moving too slowly I might lose her, but then again...if she likes me, she would not leave me just for this, I suppose. To put it simply, I've never kissed her yet, because I had no balls to do so.

Don't be the nice guy bro and you'll be ended up in the FRIENDZONE! Give her the option to TAKE IT or LEAVE IT otherwise you're just torturing yourself

I was in the exact situation as you are. These types of girls usually use you for their temporary comfort.
 
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Almantas

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Here is my promise to all kind forum members:

The next time I will see her will probably be on Friday. I will ask her out for a lovely walk by the beach and kiss her.

Of course I hope for the best, but being stuck in a friend zone will be worse than being not accepted. Being stuck in a friend zone would be like a slow torture instead of a quick death; so I've nothing to lose but to gain in this situation.

Will keep you all updated on Friday.
 

Almantas

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"Relationships are a lot like farts, if you have to push too hard, it's probably shit."

- Unknown.

Lol, this made my night. Epic, will use it in case I F*ck up on Friday, as a closing statement.
 
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Lone Wolf

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Just kiss her the next time you see her, what do you have to lose?

Scenario A: She kisses you back, you start dating, and then back to business.

Scenario B: She friendzones you, no more time wasted, and then back to business.
 

TonyStark

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Just kiss her the next time you see her, what do you have to lose?

Scenario A: She kisses you back, you start dating, and then back to business.

Scenario B: She friendzones you, no more time wasted, and then back to business.
It's really that. I don't want to burst your bubble @Almantas, but in my experience, anytime a girl leads you on without telling you whether she likes you or not (or whether you guys are official) is usually a red flag.

I say try option A, the worst that can happen, it ends the night, the best? You get some. :cool:

Edit:
"All flags look the same through rose-colored lenses."
- Unknown
 

StevieB

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Oh Geez. All of the signs are there.

I say this as someone who used to do the same thing.

For many women, it can be extremely frustrating to give the guy 'all of the signs' and they're still clueless. MANY (not all) women want the guy to make the first move. All you have to do is look for the subtle social queue's, in your case by saying "I THINK YOUR MY SOULMATE" she's hitting you on the head with a hammer.

The next time you see her just walk straight up to her and kiss her. Don't even say anything. Just do it.

Either that or be absolutely sure to commit yourself to doing it before she walks away after your 'night on the beach'. Many times people wuss out because of the pressure at the end. If you do it up front it makes it much easier.
 
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Almantas

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It's really that. I don't want to burst your bubble @Almantas, but in my experience, anytime a girl leads you on without telling you whether she likes you or not (or whether you guys are official) is usually a red flag.

I say try option A, the worst that can happen, it ends the night, the best? You get some. :cool:

She mentioned multiple times that she never met anyone so special as me. Sent quotes and songs with the titles such as "always with you" and "my only soul mate". There were more hints than this, but this should had been enough for me to make a move already I guess.
 

TonyStark

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She mentioned multiple times that she never met anyone so special as me. Sent quotes and songs with the titles such as "always with you" and "my only soul mate". There were more hints than this, but this should had been enough for me to make a move already I guess.
Yeah, don't stress it.
 

Almantas

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Oh Geez. All of the signs are there.

I say this as someone who used to do the same thing.

For many women, it can be extremely frustrating to give the guy 'all of the signs' and they're still clueless. MANY (not all) women want the guy to make the first move. All you have to do is look for the subtle social queue's, in your case by saying "I THINK YOUR MY SOULMATE" she's hitting you on the head with a hammer.

The next time you see her just walk straight up to her and kiss her. Don't even say anything. Just do it.

Either that or be absolutely sure to commit yourself to doing it before she walks away after your 'night on the beach'. Many times people wuss out because of the pressure at the end. If you do it up front it makes it much easier.

I will make this move next time I see her. At least I'll have a fresh head for business after this regardless of what happens, instead of sitting at 3am and looking for a solution online...
 
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StevieB

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I will make this move next time I see her. At least I'll have a fresh head for business after this regardless of what happens, instead of sitting at 3am and looking for a solution online...

Ha. Very ballzy and if she likes you it will floor her and make her fall for you even more. If she doesn't want it you'll know very quickly. Either way win win.

Keep us posted.

Although personally it would creep me out a bit if a woman I haven't dated told me she thought I was her soulmate. But everyone's relationship is different, and you already have a 'relationship' with her. Just not a romantic one as of yet.
 

Aaron W

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I haven't read any replies after you're original post.

It seems like scarcity is at play here.

I'm about to give you a nice slap approach to this.



I don't know why but I find a lot of people block out the best thing humans are good at.


Communication.


Why? Probably because its 2016 and no one talks person-to-person.

You see multiple relationships fall apart because someone simply wont talk to their partner about an issue. But that's off topic...




You need to talk to her.

And I don't mean in that movie style that has been conditioned so deep in to your mind you don't even realize how bad it is attractively.



You clearly want something: her.


Girls, believe it or not, like it when guys are clear in their intentions.



Seriously, sit down with her. Tell you 'like her' and would like to take her on a date.


Of course, say this how you naturally would.

Be confident.

I'm not you so what ever I say would be different to you.


However if it was me for reference sake (would be said in person not on the phone etc...):

"Hey so I know we've been hanging out a lot and I wanted to talk to you. I find you super awesome, really fun to get a long with...apart from your weird unicorn obsession but that's another topic *to take away the seriousness and tension*. I want to take you on a date, warning though I'll kick your a$$ at ping pong *to make the date seem fun and not serious/something for her to worry about* and if not I still want to be friends with you no matter what."



If she says she doesn't want to advance your relationship.

No problem.

Remain friends and say that's fine, you wanted to understand where you were at so you don't make her feel uncomfortable, aka try to make a move uncalibrated.



Strong. Confident. Respectable.




Honestly, best of luck with your relationship. I respect lots of people have issues with understanding how to deal with them.
 
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Roli

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My guess is you are in love with the idea of a partner that is so into self development, as she is perfect for you in that way; but actually, deep down, you're not that physically attracted to her, or you would have kissed her by now.
 
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you're overthinking it dude. Don't worry about moving too fast or too slow. The way it sounds you should have made your move long ago, but it's not too late, next time you're with her, go for it!

she would not leave me just for this, I suppose.
Eh don't get too comfortable man. If she feels this thing between you and her isn't going anywhere, she might get tired of being in limbo.

Anyways, take that step to show you mean business with her!
 

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Reading your OP seems like she really likes you. Now it's up to you to find out if she likes you in a friend way or in a romantic way.

I see a lot of signs there that she's also interested in a romantic relationship, but she probably won't do the first step, that's up to you.

I remember one situation, where I was hanging out with one girl for a few weeks. I really had a crush on her but always thought she was out of my league. We had an awesome time everytime we hung out together, we talked on the phone for hours sometimes laughing non stop, sometimes talking about serious topics. I always wanted to take that step and kiss her,

but I never did.

After a while we lost contact. I felt like shit. I was laying in bed all day thinking about what could have happened if I just had the balls to kiss her.

Then one night, when she was drunk, she called me and we talked for a while when I said "man I really F*cked that up huh?" and she answered "yes you did, I gave you so many signs but you seemed to just not see them. Imagine what could have happened if you would have kissed me at one of the several perfect opportunities.."

Don't let that happen to you @Almantas, trust me I felt like shit for a long time for not taking action. Kissing her and getting rejected may feel shitty for a few moments, but it's nothing compared to the thought of what could have been.
 

mrarcher

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Guys! I've come across this huge business opportunity! It fills a need, has scale and I know exactly what to do to get it started! I really think this business is the one that will succeed, but I'm scared it'll fail. What should I do?
 
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DjangoBot

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Mate,

No matter what they say, how strong or independent they are, women expect from men to lead in the relationship. Unfortunately they will never tell you that straight in the face and some of us had to learn this the hard way :). If you wait too long a woman will decide that either you are not confident enough or you are simply not so interested in her. It seems she is expecting your next move and is giving you the signs, expecting from you to figure it out on your own. You are here on this forum, because you want to forge your own destiny, I guess. In relationships many things are similar to entrepreneurship, you must be prepared to fail fast, to handle rejections and to move on, without taking it personally. So, don’t overthink it – claim what you want and accept in advance both scenarios – the best and the worst one. If it is the later (which I really doubt :)) show dignity and maturity, don’t get offended and don’t make a huge drama out of it. The important thing is, at least for me, when you look back at your life not to feel sorry about any missed chances.

Friday is coming and we all expect from you to fulfill your promise :)…..

Good luck!
 

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