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Applying FastLane Principles to Finding Love?

Topics relating to managing people and relationships
D

Deleted20833

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Study evolutionary psychology and learn male mating strategies...what they find attractive and what they don't

What you you will learn will be hard to swallow ;) but it'll be the truth

Then display those attractive traits to the guy/s you're interested in

Be flirtatious and a little sexually aggressive towards the guy/s you're interested in

As a rule of thumb guys like women who display youthfulness so dress younger, look younger, and act younger (be open minded, carefree, happy, fun, submissive, etc.)

That will get you into the dating stage with the guy you want

If you're super hot then most guys will be in a relationship with you just based on that but if not...
to turn it into a relationship bring something to the table other than you're looks...can you help him make money? lose weight? have more fun? etc.
 
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AustinS28

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Is it possible you're being too picky?

I am not saying not to have standards, but sometimes consciously or subconsciously, we look for people's flaws and miss all the good stuff.

As you get older, I think you also need to be ready deal with more baggage from partners (exes, kids, routine etc.) because, life.

But you're getting advice from a single 27 year old who just reentered the dating scene so I could be completely wrong
 

Late Bloomer

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Widower (no kids) about a decade older than you responding here.

I'd like to see if you can get all you'd like, in this lifetime.

I suspect that train might have already left the station... unless you're willing to adopt, AND to postpone intensive business launch for ten years.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that certain trains have left the station in my own life.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to be pragmatic.

Using MJ's CENTS analysis way beyond what he put in his book...

Need: Let's suppose there is a certain percentage of men who are currently available, and who could be reachable, and who would love to make a family with you, and no health issues will come up from the late start.

Time: Time is of the essence for you, but if you get it right at this time, you could enjoy a very rewarding personal and family life for decades to come.

I agree with those who say you seem to have some unreasonable expectations.

To find someone wonderful, get to know each other, build a strong relationship, discuss life goals including family and career hopes and dreams, get engaged and use that time to get some counseling towards marriage success (MOST people have much more they could learn here from a family counselor or counseling-trained minister, and would be wise to do so), arrange any wedding more elaborate than "I've got 10 to 11 open Tuesday, let's meet at the courthouse"... That's a pretty intensive fast whirlwind courtship for a year. If all goes perfectly, it would be very challenging to complete within a year, while continuing a high power job, or making a big business launch.

MJ was clear in his book that while building the Limos site, he was not available to be a social butterfly. Did you read the part about how he had the mattress on the floor so he could wake up and start coding?

And then to have at least one healthy pregnancy at an age that's fairly late for that, bond with and raise an infant toddler if the kid's not to just be handed off to day care, and repeat if there's going to be more than one kid, all within the next few years... when there will be the time to do all that and also get a Fastlane business going? Meanwhile, cranking out corporate documents at the day job without missing a step in office politics and professional mentoring?

Scale: Well, this one applies. The whole point is to start with The Guy and then scale up your family!

Control: There are also some men who are NOT available, and no matter what you do, you can't make them available any time soon.
There are some who are NOT reachable now no matter what you do.
There are some who would NOT be compatible as a life partner.
You can't control ANY of this.
All you can do is to as efficiently as possible, get into conversations and time together with guys who conceivably could be your good match soon.

Effort: This is the part in your control.

Any marketing and sales effort has to deal with the market, what they are looking for, the competitive advantages, the positioning. "My deal isn't selling very well" is not enough information for troubleshooting promotions, even on this forum.

What makes you the great catch?
Are you generating enough leads?
Are you qualifying?
Discovering objections and how to overcome them?
Making trial closes?

If you really want to apply a business mindset to Finding True Luv, that's how you'd need to break it down!

You say that you're kind, an ambitious career climber wanting to become an entrepreneur, athletic, 40, see upper-middle-class as normal, and are into some woo-woo stuff. Your posts also show that you're literate.

Despite reading all that, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA of what kind of guy you want!!

Also, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA of why he would be eager to choose you!!

At this point if I was to write a classified ad for you it would be, "Attorney hoping to launch her own business, seeks upper middle class guy for rock climbing and to have our own children right away. Dinner or coffee is fine. Willing to postpone discussing our kids' names til the second date. Three strikes, you're out."

That's ALL I have to work with! How could any guy pass up an offer that's so unusually great for him!
 
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JohnZ123

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The harsh reality is it's a lot harder for women to find a quality mate after 30. That's why you will see women eager to settle down and getting married as soon as possible. If they don't get married in their prime then the option in mates decreases. The best looking or rich or famous male in your age bracket won't be looking at a woman past their prime in most cases. It's well known attraction isn't a choice. You want a man to make you feel attraction which requires a man to understand attraction, rapport and etc. The irony is a man armed with this knowledge has more options as well and won't settle down that easily. If you want to find a good mate without issues then overlook attraction and view your potential partner very logically. So what if he doesn't make your heart tingle? Lets say he'd be a good father and is loyal. That's a potential partner right there. Divorce rates are 40% to 50% here in North America. At this age bracket, follow your "heart" and you'll probably end up single waiting for the perfect man. That's the harsh reality a lot of women reaching late 30s go through.
 
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D

Deleted52409

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If it makes you feel any better, my mom was 38 when I was born and my aunt was 42 when my cousin was born. I know that these are not the most optimal ages to have kids but it's not too late yet! Maybe you could go the adoption route.

Just listen to @Maxboost 's advice and know what you are getting into. If you want a relationship you'll have to lower your standards. And you will have to do what my mom did and end your career.

But think of it this way... Careers are slowlane right?

Couldn't you pursue a fastlane business while raising kids? Once they get into school you'll have at least 8 hours a day!
 
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Ray Goslin

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THE ANSWERS LIE WITHIN.

You aren't going to find it with a coach (celebrity or not). That's more guru BS. The advice that coach gave you, writing down what you want is lame. What most people say they want is not in their belief system. You can get that advice from your hairdresser. While some coaches use NLP which is an effective tool for change, it's not enough. They are strategies. You need effective tools to shift your focus at a deeper level.

You need to negotiate with your unconscious/subconscious for true answers. As a hypnotist, and with what you've shared, I know what the problem is. NB This is not the place to start doing therapy sessions.

I would suggest you find a good hypnotherapist in your area. 3 to 6 sessions will sort most things out. Make sure you are given effective tools ie. EFT, Self hypnosis, Future pacing, Affirmations (they need to be set up properly to work)
 
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Dubidu

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THE ANSWERS LIE WITHIN.

You aren't going to find it with a coach (celebrity or not). That's more guru BS. The advice that coach gave you, writing down what you want is lame. What most people say they want is not in their belief system. You can get that advice from your hairdresser. While some coaches use NLP which is an effective tool for change, it's not enough. They are strategies. You need effective tools to shift your focus at a deeper level.

You need to negotiate with your unconscious/subconscious for true answers. As a hypnotist, and with what you've shared, I know what the problem is. NB This is not the place to start doing therapy sessions.

I would suggest you find a good hypnotherapist in your area. 3 to 6 sessions will sort most things out. Make sure you are given effective tools ie. EFT, Self hypnosis, Future pacing, Affirmations (they need to be set up properly to work)

Thank you for this - some of the comments have been super helpful; others less so. Can I ask how effective you found NLP? I've tried hypnotherapy (the best one where I live - it didn't work for me unfortunately and apparently some people are un-hypnotisable!) but I am curious about NLP and want to know if it can help me not only in my personal life but refine any issues in my professional life.
 
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Ninjakid

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Buddy Guy Eh
but haven't met The One.
the-one.21734.jpg


I don't get it. You say you attract men easily,
but haven't met The One.

Are you actually dating guys to find a worthy suitor, or do you just write everyone off who doesn't live up to your checklist? Are you usually the one being rejected?

I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed.

Why do you think this qualifies you as a good partner to someone? In business terms, the market doesn't lie. If you were a hot commodity, someone would have scooped you up by now.
 

Ray Goslin

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Thank you for this - some of the comments have been super helpful; others less so. Can I ask how effective you found NLP? I've tried hypnotherapy (the best one where I live - it didn't work for me unfortunately and apparently some people are un-hypnotisable!) but I am curious about NLP and want to know if it can help me not only in my personal life but refine any issues in my professional life.

NLP is good, however hypnosis is better, depends on who you are doing it with. Like, someone on a back pain forum asked "What's better Physio or Osteo" The answer is neither, depends on their skill. As far as people not being hypnotizable is crap. In fact you have been hypnotised by that suggestion to believe it's true.

Everybody is being hypnotised every day by politicians, the media, the medical profession, advertising, finance gurus. It's all scripted BS. In fact FASTLANE sits perfectly with this as it sees through the mainstream crap that's being dished up every day. Amazing how so many people can be so gullible.

Hypnosis is the bypassing of the critical factor to heightened suggestibility. Hypnotherapy is doing focused, problem specific therapy in this state. I've been using it for 20 years so I've worked out the glitches. I can hypnotise anyone. In fact I do it all the time conversationally, to make people feel good.

I don't use any modality in isolation. A session with me includes Hypnosis, NLP, EFT, Regression, Re-framing, affirmations, Martial arts focus, yoga therapy, prescriptive stretching, and sometimes physical therapy. Like anything, its knowing how to put it together to be simple and effective.

The shift is quite rapid.
 
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Siberia

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NLP is good, however hypnosis is better, depends on who you are doing it with. Like, someone on a back pain forum asked "What's better Physio or Osteo" The answer is neither, depends on their skill. As far as people not being hypnotizable is crap. In fact you have been hypnotised by that suggestion to believe it's true.

Everybody is being hypnotised every day by politicians, the media, the medical profession, advertising, finance gurus. It's all scripted BS. In fact FASTLANE sits perfectly with this as it sees through the mainstream crap that's being dished up every day. Amazing how so many people can be so gullible.

Hypnosis is the bypassing of the critical factor to heightened suggestibility. Hypnotherapy is doing focused, problem specific therapy in this state. I've been using it for 20 years so I've worked out the glitches. I can hypnotise anyone. In fact I do it all the time conversationally, to make people feel good.

I don't use any modality in isolation. A session with me includes Hypnosis, NLP, EFT, Regression, Re-framing, affirmations, Martial arts focus, yoga therapy, prescriptive stretching, and sometimes physical therapy. Like anything, its knowing how to put it together to be simple and effective.

The shift is quite rapid.
Hy Ray,
can you explain better what means your "Martial Arts Focus"?
 
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Dubidu

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NLP is good, however hypnosis is better, depends on who you are doing it with. Like, someone on a back pain forum asked "What's better Physio or Osteo" The answer is neither, depends on their skill. As far as people not being hypnotizable is crap. In fact you have been hypnotised by that suggestion to believe it's true.

Everybody is being hypnotised every day by politicians, the media, the medical profession, advertising, finance gurus. It's all scripted BS. In fact FASTLANE sits perfectly with this as it sees through the mainstream crap that's being dished up every day. Amazing how so many people can be so gullible.

Hypnosis is the bypassing of the critical factor to heightened suggestibility. Hypnotherapy is doing focused, problem specific therapy in this state. I've been using it for 20 years so I've worked out the glitches. I can hypnotise anyone. In fact I do it all the time conversationally, to make people feel good.

I don't use any modality in isolation. A session with me includes Hypnosis, NLP, EFT, Regression, Re-framing, affirmations, Martial arts focus, yoga therapy, prescriptive stretching, and sometimes physical therapy. Like anything, its knowing how to put it together to be simple and effective.

The shift is quite rapid.

I'm not convinced by hypnosis to be honest. I remember a guest interviewed by Tim Ferriss (yes, I know - 4 hour work week is BS etc.) but he is a hotshot in investment (can't remember his name). He said he tried hypnosis with the best hypnotist in NYC (I'm not in NYC but like him I went to the best guy); did 4-6 sessions (like me) and in the end the hypnotherapist said he couldn't be hypnotised. I get your general point about society being in a collective hypnosis of the Slow Lane.

I got curious about NLP relatively recently because someone (high functioning) at work mentioned it. I'm going to a talk on it in a couple of weeks by an institute where Grinder occasionally trains/lectures. I've implemented some reframing/structures in client meetings and found it quite simple and yet highly effective...I'll see how I get on. I've done affirmations - the conscious mind definitely gets in the way of those for me! And I do yoga & Qigong (only got into that following an illness last year).

Thanks very much for your post; insightful.
 

NanoDrake

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Dr. Peterson, what would be your take on this?

"Get out of your own way"

If you wait for the one, the one never comes. but I do suggest that you settle in a very LKY style.
Here I quote:

There are many sons of doctors who have married doctors. Those who married spouses who are not as bright are tearing their hair out because their children can’t make it. I have lived long enough to see all this play out.

So when the graduate man does not want to marry a graduate woman, I tell him he’s a fool, stupid. You marry a non-graduate, you’re going to have problems, some children bright, some not bright. You’ll be tearing your hair out.

Where I getting with this?
I'm sorry dear but I honestly think that the One you are looking for, it's extremely hard to find, and by chance of finding him, you will wait more and more time.
 

Ray Goslin

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Thank you for this - some of the comments have been super helpful; others less so. Can I ask how effective you found NLP? I've tried hypnotherapy (the best one where I live - it didn't work for me unfortunately and apparently some people are un-hypnotisable!) but I am curious about NLP and want to know if it can help me not only in my personal life but refine any issues in my professional life.
Hy Ray,
can you explain better what means your "Martial Arts Focus"?
I found the best thing I got from martial arts was to focus. And if you don't focus you're going to get hurt. Combining with other things I do, especially hypnosis, you can focus in like a laser.
 
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Ray Goslin

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I'm not convinced by hypnosis to be honest. I remember a guest interviewed by Tim Ferriss (yes, I know - 4 hour work week is BS etc.) but he is a hotshot in investment (can't remember his name). He said he tried hypnosis with the best hypnotist in NYC (I'm not in NYC but like him I went to the best guy); did 4-6 sessions (like me) and in the end the hypnotherapist said he couldn't be hypnotised. I get your general point about society being in a collective hypnosis of the Slow Lane.

I got curious about NLP relatively recently because someone (high functioning) at work mentioned it. I'm going to a talk on it in a couple of weeks by an institute where Grinder occasionally trains/lectures. I've implemented some reframing/structures in client meetings and found it quite simple and yet highly effective...I'll see how I get on. I've done affirmations - the conscious mind definitely gets in the way of those for me! And I do yoga & Qigong (only got into that following an illness last year).

Thanks very much for your post; insightful.
If you're not convinced by hypnosis then it will not work for you. You've already used self hypnosis to convince yourself of this.

About the guy with Tim Ferriss. You say he went to the BEST hypnotist in NYC. Who says he's the best??? The only way to know this is to go to every hypnotist in NYC and compare them. Ah, but this means nothing as it is too subjective. So for instance I have clients who think I'm the best thing there is. But I know others, maybe some who never came back who probably think what was that all about.

I hypnotise EVERYONE that comes to me for counselling, because they have no option. I've already decided ahead of time that it;s going to happen.

Also, most people do not really understand what hypnosis is. For most, their only reference is that of stage hypnosis. Also too much to go into here.

A more practical example. Which is THE BEST car, Ferrari, Lamborghini, McLaren, Aston Martin. Four different people could give you four different answers. So whose right. None, its subjective.

So, you say you went to the best hypnotist in your area. Says who?? No doubt you were referred by someone who ha d a good outcome with that therapist. So that makes them the best therapist for that person. And the only way to know who the best hypnotherapist in your area is to go to EVERY one, and the one that does the most good for you is the best hypnotist in your area, (for you).

A hypnotist in the UK was just voted by Men's Health mag that they were the best hypnotist in the UK. And great they can use this to great effect for marketing them-self. So again, did they go to EVERY hypnotist in the UK, UNLIKELY, and it keeps coming back to in whose opinion.

So lets take Tony Robbins. The SO CALLED guru in Personal Development. (Super successful at marketing himself.) A client of mine was telling me of an interview with Tim Ferriss. He was asked, "What do you think keeps Tony Robbins awake at night?" His answer was, "Probably, how can he get more than 4% of his seminar attendees to follow through on what he teaches." (BTW: 4% is the typical success rate in any endeavour.) So think about that. The Guru only gets a 4% strike rate. You see, it's got nothing to do with Tony Robbins abilities.

I told my client that people don't go to a Tony Robbins event to improve. (THEY THINK THEY DO). But they really go (unconsciously) for bragging rights, so they can tell all their friends, family and colleagues they went to a Tony Robbins event. They makes them COOL, right.

I would suggest (funny that I'd do that), you follow NLP as that is what is to your leaning. (NLP was born out of hypnosis). I work in a state of trance, using all tools available to me, i.e. Hypnosis, NLP, EFT, Conversation, Breathing.
 

Gunther Herzog

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Dear Dubidu

I have to add something here. This is not to offend you. This is just a fact of the mating game. It ain't good, it ain't pretty and it definitely ain't fair.
But it is as it is
. If you want to effectively participate at the mating game, you have to accept this.

Look at the following picture. It shows the relative mate value of a group of 161 persons over their aging process.
abblingung für forum post_3.jpg
(I do not assure representatives of this in a scientific way. But the tendency is there!)
Do you realize anything?

Exactly, the relative value form a man stays or gets bigger over time and the one of a woman drops. Yes thats harsh.

You asked about any <technique> or <approach>.
You have to face the reality. No mysterious <technique> will make you younger or more attractive. It as it is, accept it. Work from there.
I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed.

I know why you failed.
The mating market is as any market. Markets never lie. If
offer and demand are not met, nothing will happen.

You want to much and are offering to little. Please re-watch this part of the video.

To sum it up out of the video above:
You are going to have to grit your teeth and lower your standards
or:
“Accepting REALITY: All the good men are taken. If a woman gets a good man, she is not letting him go. You are 32 Years old.”

Kind regards Gunther, I hope this wasn't to straight out.
 

Caroline888

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Dubidu, You have started very interesting thread ... many women are in similar situation like yours - including Me!
So let's think outside the box...
1st - you did all right and by the rules....BUT if it ever work it would work by now ...
2nd - looks like trying to hard... so it's about letting go too...
3rd - You completely forgot to enjoy the journey to love.
Just my 2 cents.
 
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ZCP

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40. Picky. Self help booked. Coached by someone who also has not found a man. Has an answer for everything (and she couldn't be to blame). In a huge hurry to settle down. Wants kids now.

Wow. Who wouldn't jump at that chance?

**Relax. If it happens, it happens. Give it a chance without qualifying conditions and timelines.

If you want love, it needs room to breathe and grow. The right conditions for the spark to catch.

**If you want to meet conditions / timelines, it will have to be arranged and contracted.

Go back and read the ** above and think about them for an afternoon. Then pick a path and go.
 

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Wow, harsh replies. There's a lot of people in this thread trying to tell you you can't because you need to:

- Be realistic
- You're too old
- Trying too hard
- Other "limiting factor"

These are not your problems, only what these people "perceive" as your problems from their point of view.Are you telling me there's not a single guy in the world who doesn't want to settle down with an in-shape, attractive, 40 year old female lawyer? Let's ignore that and focus on what you originally discussed: fastlane methodology. It is based on CENTS; control, entry, need, time, and scale.

For scale, I think online is the way to go. There are tons of apps out there where you don't need to worry about throwing yourself in a male dominated industry in order to meet someone.

Entry - How could entry apply to dating? Well, since you're already successful you could try places that do have a barrier to entry, meaning you're more likely to see more successful people or people that are more serious. A dating site with reasonable membership fees for example. Or you can hit up the bar at some finer restaurants with a friend.

Need - I think you have to play the game. A lot of guys aren't ready to jump head first into marriage and kids, but uhh... perhaps this is where "seduction" happens for you to get what you want. Everybody has their own intentions, for some its one night, others its a few months, some just literally want friendship, and others like yourself are looking for marriage. Its been a few years since I read it but I think the Art of Seduction by Robert Green might be relevant here, not sure how it is from a female perspective.

Time / Control - not sure if these are too applicable to dating. Online dating can lead to a lot of wasted time so I would just be more careful screening people before meeting if that is something you decide to get into.
 

SquatchMan

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For some reason, I don't feel physically attracted to them; they are nice guys (I have no desire to date bad boys/unavailable men) - if there is one theme that seems to be it.

Pretty much sums up the thread right here.

Wants a nice guy--> Feels no attraction to nice guys --> refuses to date bad boys (who you are attracted to).

Are you telling me there's not a single guy in the world who doesn't want to settle down with an in-shape, attractive, 40 year old female lawyer?


No one said that.

Does a 40 year old female lawyer want to settle down with someone that works in a warehouse making 30k/year?

No.

She wants the CEO, doctor, or lawyer, but the (most likely previously divorced) CEO/doctor/lawyer doesn't want to remarry. He'd rather date a 23 year woman.

Most powerful men I know have been married to the same woman for 20+ years.

The ones that aren't married are divorced from their college sweetheart and refuse to remarry because they lost 50% to alimony. They then realize that they can date 23 year old women, so they date 23 year old women instead of 40 year old women.
 
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NanoDrake

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Wow, harsh replies. There's a lot of people in this thread trying to tell you you can't because you need to:

- Be realistic
- You're too old
- Trying too hard
- Other "limiting factor"

These are not your problems, only what these people "perceive" as your problems from their point of view.Are you telling me there's not a single guy in the world who doesn't want to settle down with an in-shape, attractive, 40 year old female lawyer? Let's ignore that and focus on what you originally discussed: fastlane methodology. It is based on CENTS; control, entry, need, time, and scale.

Harsh replies but some are realistic, there is no point to encourage a behavior that so far has proven counter productive.
OP said, she gets asked to dates without problems but she doesn't get what she wants, she got asked out by fellow same league colleagues but she wants something else.

judge your own post accordingly
 

NanoDrake

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Pretty much sums up the thread right here.

Wants a nice guy--> Feels no attraction to nice guys --> refuses to date bad boys (who you are attracted to).




No one said that.

Does a 40 year old female lawyer want to settle down with someone that works in a warehouse making 30k/year?

No.

She wants the CEO, doctor, or lawyer, but the (most likely previously divorced) CEO/doctor/lawyer doesn't want to remarry. He'd rather date a 23 year woman.

Most powerful men I know have been married to the same woman for 20+ years.

The ones that aren't married are divorced from their college sweetheart and refuse to remarry because they lost 50% to alimony. They then realize that they can date 23 year old women, so they date 23 year old women instead of 40 year old women.

that's my point
 

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I was the one who asked, what kind of man do you most want to attract, and why would he choose you? And that's apparently one of the "unhelpful" posts not worthy of a reply. Why discuss such petty things as that when looking for love, while instead it's necessary to debate which type of hypnosis is most effective?
 
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Fox

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Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond :)

You can't Fastlane biology.

Your prime window for finding a mate and having a family is rapidly closing. Law of attraction and coaching sessions won't change that. Neither will fishing for positive "go girl" posts on a thread. I think the harsh advice here is on point - stop being so selective and take what you can get.

If you are attractive you most likely have had 1000s of options over your lifetime to find someone suitable. If you haven't a partner then your priorities had to be elsewhere - your career, chasing guys who would never commit, travel etc.

Biology doesn't bend to tactics and perspective. It is something hard-wired into all of us. You are in the last few years of your window for fertility so you have to make a choice. Keep chasing the kind of guy you won't get or settle for the kind of guy you will.

If you want to think of finding love in terms of Fastlane it would be this... what is your biological value?

For a guy biological value is based on ability to provide and protect:
- Height
- Power
- Money
- Dominance
- Social connections
- Status
- Ability to provide for and protect a family

As a guy I don't get to choice somethings like height but I can work on others. Men have a slight advantage (in a way) that they can actively work on improving their odds. They can make good money, improve their status, hit the gym, gain valuable life experience and so on.

For a woman biologically it is much more fixed:
- looks (based on fertility)
- age
- ability and willingness to raise a family
- feminine qualities that would be suitable for raising children

For women your value is much more fixed. If you have the right genes you are off to a huge head start and without any work (once you hit the right age) you will be highly sought after. With things like working on your personality and keeping yourself in shape you can improve those odds for sure. BUT your timespan is much shorter and age will quickly work against you.

Again harsh but true. Try being an 18 - 22 year old guy when all the hot girls are wanting to hang out with the cooler older guy. This is the same in reverse for women.

So my advice would be this - be realistic with what type of guy will commit and what your market value is for starting a family. There are still lots of good decent guys out there who will commit but if you are expecting to tick of all the dream boxes you won't find one.

---

So there is no outrage - biological value isn't linked to your value as an actual person. The above is based on OPs goal of starting a family, nothing else.
 

masterneme

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Finding "the one" is a scripted trap, there isn't a single breathing human being capable of meeting the specifications of a super-idealized mental construct.

Almost everyone I know with this mentality (men and women) is alone and/or miserable.

And ironically those who weren't looking for something specific, let go of the expectations and gone with the flow ended up finding him/her.

Attraction (the real one) is simple and natural and you may be suppressing your normal "mating capabilities" because of this subconscious conditioning.

And you said someone coached you about this so I bet this has something to do with your problem.

You have been training your brain to look for someone with VERY specific traits. Which would explain why you a healthy, fairly attractive woman is only physically attracted to a handful of guys instead of many other healthy, fairly attractive men.

I've met many fat women who before gaining weight had extremely high standards and because they were hot and were surrounded by hordes of dudes they could get away with it.

What happened when they got old and/or fat? Their world felt apart because they were no longer desirable.

And many times this ends being a blessing because the experience of being "out of the market" for a while destroys all those f***ed up mental barriers.

This brainwashing is one of the reasons why the majority of divorces are initiated by women, we are just not good enough.

Of course this is just my opinion formed by some of the things you wrote, don't take it as advise. Not knowing your real situation may very well make all this post incorrect... which is fine... I'm just a man, with many flaws, like the rest.
 

Disciple96

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Forget Jordan Peterson, y'all need Yeezus!

And to OP: Yes this song is relevant, give it a listen and see!
 
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biophase

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Just to confirm, the problem is that you can’t find anyone that you are really attracted to vs. getting dates with quality people right? If so, i don’t know what you are really asking.

I can relate because that has been my issue. I don’t have any trouble dating girls but none have really given me that special feeling inside. I think it’s a numbers game but i don’t have the sense of urgency that you have.
 

rogue synthetic

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It's interesting how easily we want to frame this situation as if the question is "what should I do?", and the answer will be something like "go to the gym", "get hypnotized", "recognize your biology", "some stuff I read on a PUA blog".

Not that some of these answers aren't insightful. I wonder though if @Dubidu might find a better solution to her problem if we pause for a moment, and ask a different question. Are your relationships with other people really problems to be engineered away with internal fixes or magic spell-casting on other people?

It might be that treating people (yourself included) the way you'd treat a broken down car is part of the problem. No offense intended to anyone with this comment, but high-status professionals have an unfortunate tendency to see things on these terms.

Nothing wrong with a little self-help therapy, even if it's ice-cold water down your neck.

All the same, if you are looking for honest to God love (not to be confused with a 98.6-degree sperm donor) you might do better to do a little less thinking, including the "but I'm not attracted to..." sort, and ask yourself what a relationship means to you and what that might be signaling to the men who enter your life.
 

DST

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You say several have shown interest in you, so why hasn't that happened? Personally I have noticed several times that initially I'm more interested in a new female while she's not as much, so I kind of just forget about her and don't care. But then she gets more interested in me when I'm not, so our attractions don't really sync up.

In fastlane speak, your 'non-negotiable criteria' is like saying "I'm not willing to settle down with a particular business idea unless I know I can make millions and have a great time at work with loyal fun employees" which is an unrealistic fantasy that will likely end anti climatic. I would just drop your shitty consultants/gurus because your life view get skewed by the fantasy realities they're selling you.

If you're not willing to lower your standards then single life is just the risk you'll have to take, clearly the type you're looking for isn't available in abundance
 
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adventureguru

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GENTS, a little modern-day short parable I thought I would share

Once upon a time,

A man asked a beautiful woman,

"Will you marry me? "
The woman said "NO " :arghh:

And the bloke lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!:)

AND rode motorcycles,
AND raced cars
AND travelled the world
AND went to bars
AND progressed his business
AND dated women half his age
AND drank malt whiskey
AND craft beer,
AND didn't get dragged around shopping malls buying stupid shit you don't need every weekend
AND never heard moaning or complaints in his own castle
AND went to rock concerts
AND kept his own house
AND didn't have to give half his life efforts away in divorce
AND didn't have to pay alimony
AND saved thousands in lawyers bills £
AND kept his friends
AND his favourite jeans
AND never got cheated on while working
AND had TONS of £ cash in the bank
AND zero DEBT
AND left the toilet seat up.
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
~~-THE END-
~~
:clap:::clap:::clap:::clap:::clap:::clap:::clap::
 

VirginiaR

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Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond :)

Hi Dubidu, so sorry to hear love is not working out for you at the moment...Maybe a little weird to mention this on the Fastlane forum, but have you read the book from Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man. He is funny, maybe it's not all applicable..but maybe you get some points. Just be yourself, and enjoy what you do in life and you will attract the one. And no man is perfect, as we as women are not, but I do believe you can still connect with, seeing passed minor issues. Friendship can also grow to love.. Men feel that you are looking and searching, impassively chasing love. That can pressure them, even though you think you are not showing it. Just relax, and love will come on the least expected moment. You sound like a great woman, so no worries! Just take the pressure off. Wish you all the best, girl!
 

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