Applying FastLane Principles to Finding Love?

[Dubidu]

Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond

 

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[PureA]

Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond

Step 1: Find female you are curious about
Step 2: Speak to said female
Step 3: Get a date if you hit it off

Rinse and repeat.

I'd imagine you are making this a lot harder for yourself than it needs to be. The only thing stopping you is your fear of rejection. If you speak to 1000 women, you WILL hit it off with 1.

What's stopping you speaking to 1000 women?

Fear.

Go go go go go.

 

[Dubidu]

Step 1: Find female you are curious about
Step 2: Speak to said female
Step 3: Get a date if you hit it off

Rinse and repeat.

I'd imagine you are making this a lot harder for yourself than it needs to be. The only thing stopping you is your fear of rejection. If you speak to 1000 women, you WILL hit it off with 1.

What's stopping you speaking to 1000 women?

Fear.

Go go go go go.

Um, thanks for that but I'm female and looking for a guy...

 

[Siberia]

The only thing that comes to mind is the association with the money that I read in the book of MJ:
“ love is like a cat ..... if you try to take it you can not but if you pretend to nothing arrives alone on your knees”.

 

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[Dubidu]

The only thing that comes to mind is the association with the money that I read in the book of MJ:
“ love is like a cat ..... if you try to take it you can not but if you pretend to nothing arrives alone on your knees”.

I'm definitely at that stage now; I've tried everything I can think of: online dating, agencies, meet up groups, snowboarding/rock climbing etc. As I was heading back from the gym today it occurred to me that I may as well do one last post to all the community out there to see what I might have missed!

 

[Dubidu]

The only thing that comes to mind is the association with the money that I read in the book of MJ:
“ love is like a cat ..... if you try to take it you can not but if you pretend to nothing arrives alone on your knees”.

Thanks Siberia - I am starting to get at that stage myself. I have tried everything I can think of: online dating, different hobbies, meet ups etc. but without success. As I was walking from the gym this afternoon it occurred to me to post the question on this forum in case I missed something...!

 

[MidwestLandlord]

As a dude, I'm totally unqualified to give advice.

But I'm going to anyway! Haha!

With business you respond to what the market tells you. You adapt. You adjust. You don't get stuck thinking "I'm right!" when the market is obviously telling you that you are wrong. (by either actual feedback, or more likely, no feedback at all)

Can you apply that same principal to dating? I think so (and did when I was single)

Dating is a market like any other. Are you giving the market what it wants? Are you selling to the market correctly?

Here's an example of adjusting I did when I was single:

First dates.

Dinner...right? Isn't that what society says to do? Isn't that the script?

"If I pay for an expensive dinner, she's gonna like me!"

Bleh. Gag me.

Dinner first dates never really went anywhere for me. So much pressure for both people. Pressure on me to buy this expensive dinner for a gal I didn't even know, and pressure on her because of the unwritten expectations of "he's buying me dinner, he wants something from me" (romance obviously)

Basically buying her affection.

So I switched to coffee dates, or a drink at a quiet lounge. AND I verbally put a time limit on it "I've only got an hour or so"

Doing both put way less pressure on us. Took away the unwritten expectations that came from buying her affection with dinner, and the time limit let her know she could relax and just get to know me. (took away her expecting me to try for romance on the first date)

I dated a lot of very cool women that way. It worked very well.

So, what have you tried that can be adjusted?

 

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[Dolf112]

Thanks Siberia - I am starting to get at that stage myself. I have tried everything I can think of: online dating, different hobbies, meet ups etc. but without success. As I was walking from the gym this afternoon it occurred to me to post the question on this forum in case I missed something...!

I don't know if you will find this information useful, every little helps though right?
In terms of fastlane principles mixed in with a little @Andy Black
You are probably tuned into WII FM. (Whats In It For Me)

Find out what the market wants and become those things.

It's hard to give advice about finding the one without knowing you personally.

 

[Dubidu]

As a dude, I'm totally unqualified to give advice.

But I'm going to anyway! Haha!

With business you respond to what the market tells you. You adapt. You adjust. You don't get stuck thinking "I'm right!" when the market is obviously telling you that you are wrong. (by either actual feedback, or more likely, no feedback at all)

Can you apply that same principal to dating? I think so (and did when I was single)

Dating is a market like any other. Are you giving the market what it wants? Are you selling to the market correctly?

Here's an example of adjusting I did when I was single:

First dates.

Dinner...right? Isn't that what society says to do? Isn't that the script?

"If I pay for an expensive dinner, she's gonna like me!"

Bleh. Gag me.

Dinner first dates never really went anywhere for me. So much pressure for both people. Pressure on me to buy this expensive dinner for a gal I didn't even know, and pressure on her because of the unwritten expectations of "he's buying me dinner, he wants something from me" (romance obviously)

Basically buying her affection.

So I switched to coffee dates, or a drink at a quiet lounge. AND I verbally put a time limit on it "I've only got an hour or so"

Doing both put way less pressure on us. Took away the unwritten expectations that came from buying her affection with dinner, and the time limit let her know she could relax and just get to know me. (took away her expecting me to try for romance on the first date)

I dated a lot of very cool women that way. It worked very well.

So, what have you tried that can be adjusted?

Good advice - have implemented it to the best of my ability:

1. Pat Allen (Getting to I do") says: look nice, smell nice, be nice. Plus 5 second flirting technique. Implemented that. I'm very feminine (dresses, long hair etc.)

2. The whole dinner pressure - I'm relaxed: if he suggested drinks, I'm OK with that, if it's coffee etc. that's fine too. It's why I joined the groups/tried different hobbies so that I may meet someone organically without so much pressure.

Failed at it all but no idea why :-(

 

[Dubidu]

I don't know if you will find this information useful, every little helps though right?
In terms of fastlane principles mixed in with a little @Andy Black
You are probably tuned into WII FM. (Whats In It For Me)

Find out what the market wants and become those things.

It's hard to give advice about finding the one without knowing you personally.

Yep agree re: what does the market want - see reply to MidWest Landlord. Read the books, implemented the actions in books including one book entitled "3 step fail safe method" - failed for me. As I have listed above, I've tried everything and still single...oh and asked friends to set me up as well!

 

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[Maxboost]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_p0rYaTzJo


Do not become this woman in the video.

Watch the video first before commentating.

Just like what MJ says about the script, MANY women are following the script and becoming MISERABLE.

EDIT: to summarize, you need to date within your range and don't be too picky. The 6ft tall CEO wash board abs has his pick of the litter and is not interested in dating a 40 year old. Just like a playboy model who isn't interested in a 5ft fat unemployed balding incel.

 

[ApparentHorizon]

for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone.

I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One.

When I was young, I stayed with my grandparents a lot. They lived in a rural village, where there wasn't much to do. But it wasn't isolated from the modernized world.

Back then, we had what were essentially private Ubers. But without the technology and apps.

So every weekend we'd hitch a ride, on one of these, 15 min into town. The main reason being grocery shopping.

However, before we got to any of that, we'd always go somewhere new. A public museum. A concert in the park. An arcade at the food court.

At the surface it seems its just them being grandparents. Taking me to have some fun.

Until we went into an industrial expo. Gadgets and technology, but for manufacturing. Trains, excavators, etc.

Perhaps it was from my grandfather's background as a track engineer. But I became really excited. Putting my hands on everything. Including what I can only describe as steel grade legos. Which I quickly built into a working prototype of what they had on display. All without instructions or reason.

Fast forward the next few years, and these type of events now made up the majority of our adventures. Leading me into comp-sci and engineering. And today I program for companies as my main business.

You see, to their brilliance, they didn't know what I wanted. And what kid does?

So they exposed me to everything under the sun. Until something finally stuck.

But that wasn't enough to lead to a fast-lane life.

I knew I wanted to do my own thing, without constraints or worry. I knew it would involve some sort of computer work. Programming, analysis, etc.

So how do I get there? What are my options? What are other people doing? What if I choose wrong and how much time could I waste?

All questions leading to analysis paralysis. I wasn't stagnating. Life was moving along just fine. But reaching fast-lane land was slowly fleeting.

Should I start the process again, like my grandparents, of going to every venue and see what sticks? That's definitely an option. However, that relies too much on luck. While luck can be a large part of success. It can't be the primary driving force. Otherwise, we'd all just play the lottery.

Or should I take a step back an analyze the market. I already knew people were going to pay me to program.

But the million dollar question was, who do I want to work for? @SinisterLex mentioned this in his UpWork thread. You're the one choosing who you want to work with. You're the one choosing who you accept jobs from. And you do this by not only analyzing their needs, but how they treat you. How they react to your suggestions. How they engage in a conversation.

You see, you're 90% of the way there.

You know your market value.
You know the destination.

But you don't know the details in between.

If you had asked me 5 years ago, who do I want as a partner. I'd have given you a list of both physical and personality traits I'd enjoy being around.

(Notice how that statement applies to, a business partner, a client, and a lover. The way a person treats their body and the way they walk tells you 80% of their story.)

So I defined what kinds of clients I want to work with, and I've built a very comfortable business over the past 11 years doing so.

I defined what kind of loving partner I want to be with. And I've been with the same girl for the past 4 years.

The feeling I'm getting from this thread, is what you can offer to others.

You already know the answer.

But from the information you've given here, it seems you don't know who you want as your partner.

Goal setting doesn't just have to be for career and family life. It can be about individual people as well.

 

[Dubidu]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_p0rYaTzJo


Do not become this woman in the video.

Watch the video first before commentating.

Just like what MJ says about the script, MANY women are following the script and becoming MISERABLE.

EDIT: to summarize, you need to date within your range and don't be too picky. The 6ft tall CEO wash board abs has his pick of the litter and is not interested in dating a 40 year old. Just like a playboy model who isn't interested in a 5ft fat unemployed balding incel.

Yep - am dating "within my league" and funnily enough I am surrounded by CEO's & hedgies/PE guys - a couple have expressed an interest in me too and I was reassured that of those that I know and are married, a lot a married to 'normal' women (doctors/lawyers/average looking women with their own businesses) not playboy models. I don't know what you mean by don't be too picky; I can't help who I am physically attracted to and I don't want to settle which is why I'm in the position I'm in. I'm after concrete/practical applications of FL strategies I could apply to what I want: love, marriage, a biological family of my own rather than a video on feminism...but thank you anyway.

 

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[Dubidu]

When I was young, I stayed with my grandparents a lot. They lived in a rural village, where there wasn't much to do. But it wasn't isolated from the modernized world.

Back then, we had what were essentially private Ubers. But without the technology and apps.

So every weekend we'd hitch a ride, on one of these, 15 min into town. The main reason being grocery shopping.

However, before we got to any of that, we'd always go somewhere new. A public museum. A concert in the park. An arcade at the food court.

At the surface it seems its just them being grandparents. Taking me to have some fun.

Until we went into an industrial expo. Gadgets and technology, but for manufacturing. Trains, excavators, etc.

Perhaps it was from my grandfather's background as a track engineer. But I became really excited. Putting my hands on everything. Including what I can only describe as steel grade legos. Which I quickly built into a working prototype of what they had on display. All without instructions or reason.

Fast forward the next few years, and these type of events now made up the majority of our adventures. Leading me into comp-sci and engineering. And today I program for companies as my main business.

You see, to their brilliance, they didn't know what I wanted. And what kid does?

So they exposed me to everything under the sun. Until something finally stuck.

But that wasn't enough to lead to a fast-lane life.

I knew I wanted to do my own thing, without constraints or worry. I knew it would involve some sort of computer work. Programming, analysis, etc.

So how do I get there? What are my options? What are other people doing? What if I choose wrong and how much time could I waste?

All questions leading to analysis paralysis. I wasn't stagnating. Life was moving along just fine. But reaching fast-lane land was slowly fleeting.

Should I start the process again, like my grandparents, of going to every venue and see what sticks? That's definitely an option. However, that relies too much on luck. While luck can be a large part of success. It can't be the primary driving force. Otherwise, we'd all just play the lottery.

Or should I take a step back an analyze the market. I already knew people were going to pay me to program.

But the million dollar question was, who do I want to work for? @SinisterLex mentioned this in his UpWork thread. You're the one choosing who you want to work with. You're the one choosing who you accept jobs from. And you do this by not only analyzing their needs, but how they treat you. How they react to your suggestions. How they engage in a conversation.

You see, you're 90% of the way there.

You know your market value.
You know the destination.

But you don't know the details in between.

If you had asked me 5 years ago, who do I want as a partner. I'd have given you a list of both physical and personality traits I'd enjoy being around.

(Notice how that statement applies to, a business partner, a client, and a lover. The way a person treats their body and the way they walk tells you 80% of their story.)

So I defined what kinds of clients I want to work with, and I've built a very comfortable business over the past 11 years doing so.

I defined what kind of loving partner I want to be with. And I've been with the same girl for the past 4 years.

The feeling I'm getting from this thread, is what you can offer to others.

You already know the answer.

But from the information you've given here, it seems you don't know who you want as your partner.

Goal setting doesn't just have to be for career and family life. It can be about individual people as well.

What a great post! I really enjoyed reading that and this is exactly the conversation I was hoping to start. In terms of what I want from a partner - this is what that Law of Attraction coach did with me - I had to do an exercise every day for 49 days. At the end of it (or the penultimate exercise) you had to write a list of qualities you wanted in your partner (non-negotiable ones) so I wrote down: strong, kind, loving, generous, protective, honest, loyal, faithful and handsome. She told me off for not writing things like how much he earned, what he looked like in detail. I said I was relaxed about those things because I had grown up realising it was the qualities of the person that mattered the most (physical attraction is obviously important (see above) but looks will fade)...I've also hopefully focused on not just finding the right partner but focused equally on *becoming* the right partner. Don't really know what else to do from here on in :-(

 

[Ayanle Farah]

I wonder what general idea you have about what sort of person "the one" is.

I would like to hear it, if you want fastlane principles to apply to love I can't think of any better than the concept of giving value to others, how are you enriching their life?

You said you get enough interest but I wonder what makes you uninterested in those who're expressing interest.

 

[G-Man]

Your coach had you write a long list of everything you want in a partner. This, unfortunately, is the romance version of the "Doing what you love" business model that gets pretty roundly lampooned here. I'm going to re-iterate @MidwestLandlord slightly: Have you come up with a list of what the market wants?

Of the men that meet your punchlist requirements, do you have any data points that suggest what they look for in a partner?

 

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[Dubidu]

I wonder what general idea you have about what sort of person "the one" is.

I would like to hear it, if you want fastlane principles to apply to love I can't think of any better than the concept of giving value to others, how are you enriching their life?

You said you get enough interest but I wonder what makes you uninterested in those who're expressing interest.

Thank you for taking the time to apply. I don't know how to answer your first question - I have said above the exercise the coach told me to do so that is the qualities The One for me has to possess.

In terms of giving value to others: first and foremost, I am a good person. I have, like many others, overcome huge obstacles in my life to get to where I am today. Kindness is an under-rated virtue and I cultivate that as much as I can in myself. As a result of constantly trying to improve who I am, I left a secure job to work with the PE/hedgies/CEO so basically I could learn from them (whilst still getting paid) before I began on working on my first idea (someone else got to market before me on that). I'm now on my second idea and hopeful that the value/market is phenomenal if I can get it made (I've explained the issues in another thread and got lots of helpful feedback that I'm implemented). My family values are important. I have a full life; I'd just like to share it with someone.

So far in the 3 year period I refer to, I have had both colleagues and clients ask me out. For some reason, I don't feel physically attracted to them; they are nice guys (I have no desire to date bad boys/unavailable men) - if there is one theme that seems to be it. I don't find myself attracted to that many guys and I've even implemented the 3-5 dates rule (i.e. don't dismiss someone if I don't feel it in the first couple of dates, it could be a slow burn). Still nothing! I'm tearing my hair out as I don't really know where I'm going wrong at this point...

 

[Dubidu]

Your coach had you write a long list of everything you want in a partner. This, unfortunately, is the romance version of the "Doing what you love" business model that gets pretty roundly lampooned here. I'm going to re-iterate @MidwestLandlord slightly: Have you come up with a list of what the market wants?

Of the men that meet your punchlist requirements, do you have any data points that suggest what they look for in a partner?

Interesting. She is a well-known coach and she herself was struggling to find love in her 40s. She wrote and published a well-known book about it. I was 36 when I started the coaching. Her take on it wasn't the love version of ''do what you love'' that gets lampooned here but more along the lines of what others have said: it was to try to get me to define what I wanted/goal setting.

I would also hope the qualities I listed are not wholly outside what almost every normal man or woman would want in a partner so it's more "solid business principles/universal desires" analogy rather than "do what you love" theory!

 

[Raoul Duke]

 

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[Ayanle Farah]

Thank you for taking the time to apply. I don't know how to answer your first question - I have said above the exercise the coach told me to do so that is the qualities The One for me has to possess.

In terms of giving value to others: first and foremost, I am a good person. I have, like many others, overcome huge obstacles in my life to get to where I am today. Kindness is an under-rated virtue and I cultivate that as much as I can in myself. As a result of constantly trying to improve who I am, I left a secure job to work with the PE/hedgies/CEO so basically I could learn from them (whilst still getting paid) before I began on working on my first idea (someone else got to market before me on that). I'm now on my second idea and hopeful that the value/market is phenomenal if I can get it made (I've explained the issues in another thread and got lots of helpful feedback that I'm implemented). My family values are important. I have a full life; I'd just like to share it with someone.

So far in the 3 year period I refer to, I have had both colleagues and clients ask me out. For some reason, I don't feel physically attracted to them; they are nice guys (I have no desire to date bad boys/unavailable men) - if there is one theme that seems to be it. I don't find myself attracted to that many guys and I've even implemented the 3-5 dates rule (i.e. don't dismiss someone if I don't feel it in the first couple of dates, it could be a slow burn). Still nothing! I'm tearing my hair out as I don't really know where I'm going wrong at this point...

No problem and don't get me wrong, I wasn't doubting you were a good person, I was merely suggesting something you could apply in your day to day interactions.

It seems to me you're desperate and picky at the same time which is not a good combination, I won't tell you to settle for less because I don't believe in that(if I did I wouldn't be here) but that's what kept you single thus far imo.

Also personally I wouldn't take advice from a woman on women and I don't recommend you taking advice from men on this subject, we have our own blindspots so take things with a grain of salt.

 

[Dubidu]

Really liked that - I got into JP (as it were!) a while back. I'm familiar with the theory that he discusses although I understood it slightly differently when I heard it a few years ago and not relating solely to 'difficulties in childbirth'. I understood it to mean 'A is attracted to B because A on some instinctive/primal level knows B possesses the things A himself/herself is lacking genetically' so basically A/B together will produce Arnold Schwarzneggar rather than Danny Devito in Twins! Lol. Does it help that I've been told I've got a bi-symmetrical face...? And who doesn't like to hear that....!

 

[Maxboost]

Yep - am dating "within my league" and funnily enough I am surrounded by CEO's & hedgies/PE guys - a couple have expressed an interest in me too and I was reassured that of those that I know and are married, a lot a married to 'normal' women (doctors/lawyers/average looking women with their own businesses) not playboy models. I don't know what you mean by don't be too picky; I can't help who I am physically attracted to and I don't want to settle which is why I'm in the position I'm in. I'm after concrete/practical applications of FL strategies I could apply to what I want: love, marriage, a biological family of my own rather than a video on feminism...but thank you anyway.

I can tell that you didn't watch the video because because YOU ARE the girl in the video.

I can already tell by your post, you have been lied to by modern day feminism (the script) and you have no idea about the sexual market place that is taking place in todays dating world.

The video I posted will give you practical, no bullshit, no LOA nonsense if you want a REALISTIC plan if you want a husband and family. But I can already predict that you will not watch it and spend the next few years wondering "where are all the good men" are?

Don't want to sound rude and condescending but some people need to stop trying to be " the well defined man/women" and start looking at things more pragmatically when it comes to dating.

 

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[Dubidu]

No problem and don't get me wrong, I wasn't doubting you were a good person, I was merely suggesting something you could apply in your day to day interactions.

It seems to me you're desperate and picky at the same time which is not a good combination, I won't tell you to settle for less because I don't believe in that(if I did I wouldn't be here) but that's what kept you single thus far imo.

Nope - definitely not desperate; it goes back to what I've said before: it's trying to determine application of FS principles to this area and hopefully with the help of you all, try to figure out where I've gone wrong. I have been proposed to before and said no. Unfortunately, the guy I thought I wanted to marry didn't feel the same about me. That's life and it will move on; no point being bitter about it - I would just like it to share it with someone I cherish and who cherishes me.

As for picky - I'm with JP's theory of the mystery of attraction. On paper the guys, I interact with are basically a mercenary's dream: wealthy etc. and for some reason they clearly see the good in me but for the life of me I haven't felt the same about anyone in the last 3 years since I've been trying to address this...

 

[Dubidu]

I can tell that you didn't watch the video because because YOU ARE the girl in the video.

I can already tell by your post, you have been lied to by modern day feminism (the script) and you have no idea about the sexual market place that is taking place in todays dating world.

The video I posted will give you practical, no bullshit, no LOA nonsense if you want a REALISTIC plan if you want a husband and family. But I can already predict that you will not watch it and spend the next few years wondering "where are all the good men" are?

Don't want to sound rude and condescending but some people need to stop trying to be " the well defined man/women" and start looking at things more pragmatically when it comes to dating.

The video is over 1 hour long so no I didn't watch all of it. But I cannot relate to the caller: she had long-distance relationships, some men were apparently not smart enough for her, she dated someone to whom religion was important and therefore they were fundamentally incompatible. I get that I may have unconscious biases but as I've said above - I'm swimming in the right pool and for some reason the subtext of your posts to me come across as "hey, you're 40 years old honey, settle for anyone who'd look at you"...it would be the same as me saying to you: "hey, you know how you've failed to make it in business for the last 20 years - take whatever work you can get, why don't you?" Not particularly helpful.

Thanks for your input though; alternative viewpoints/challenges at least help to clarify one's thoughts further...

 

[Ayanle Farah]

Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. For the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family.

Nope - definitely not desperate. I haven't felt the same about anyone in the last 3 years since I've been trying to address this...

Sounds desperate to me...

If that's not the case then how about you relax? You're already thinking about having a family, it's clear you're in a hurry.

You have conflicting values, on one hand you just want a family and fast, on the other hand you want love which takes time to develop, but you also talk about physical attraction.

I don't have any answers, just highlighting how confused you are.

Also incase you missed it.

Also personally I wouldn't take advice from a woman on women and I don't recommend you taking advice from men on this subject, we have our own blindspots so take things with a grain of salt.

Maybe one day you'll find what you're looking for, good luck.

Bye.

 

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[Dubidu]

Sounds desperate to me...

If that's not the case then how about you relax? You're already thinking about having a family, it's clear you're in a hurry.

You have conflicting values, on one hand you just want a family and fast, on the other hand you want love which takes time to develop, but you also talk about physical attraction.

I don't have any answers, just highlighting how confused you are.

Also incase you missed it.


Maybe one day you'll find what you're looking for, good luck.

Bye.

As I've said in my reply to Siberia: I'm at that stage where I feel I have given it my best shot and there is nothing more to be done but wanted to reach out to this thread on the applicability, if any, of FL principles to this area (hence title of this thread).

I'm not naive: I am 40 and I have to acknowledge my chances of having my own biological family are diminishing. That is data and I have to act on it - consider it INSIDERS information on the female species! The acknowledgement of that fact (allowing for outliers) doesn't equate to desperation.

I can give you endless examples of marriages that have occurred within a year of meeting one another and a family following soon after...

Thank you for acknowledging you don't have any answers - I have found your input helpful nonetheless.

 

[Merging Left]

From your replies, it sounds like you don't have a lot of trouble attracting men or being asked out, but that you're actually struggling to reciprocate the feelings. I'm not sure there's really a FL solution to that... that might be more of an internal issue.

Have there been, or are there men who you wish you could be with but are either unavailable or have rejected your advances? I guess I'm asking - are there specific men who you ARE attracted to? Not just an idea, but a specific person.

 

[Maxboost]

The video is over 1 hour long so no I didn't watch all of it. But I cannot relate to the caller: she had long-distance relationships, some men were apparently not smart enough for her, she dated someone to whom religion was important and therefore they were fundamentally incompatible. I get that I may have unconscious biases but as I've said above - I'm swimming in the right pool and for some reason the subtext of your posts to me come across as "hey, you're 40 years old honey, settle for anyone who'd look at you"...it would be the same as me saying to you: "hey, you know how you've failed to make it in business for the last 20 years - take whatever work you can get, why don't you?" Not particularly helpful.

Thanks for your input though; alternative viewpoints/challenges at least help to clarify one's thoughts further...

Can't relate to the caller? Here are the similarities....
-You both put career and making money before raising a family (ahem...modern day feminism)
-You both want children AND marriage
-You both won't settle for anyone you deem less attractive than yourselves
-You both missed your prime fertility years (18-30)
-You both are in a rush to get married AND have kids but are unable to see how unrealistic at this point (you have 1-2 years to meet someone, co-habitate, have him propose, than get pregnant, get married and at the same time work on your career and business while raising a toddler for the next 3-5 years)
-You both have no understanding of the sexual market place. I hate to sound mean but rich good looking men WILL ALWAYS date a younger women
-Stephan Molyneaux, STATISTICALLY proved how ridiculous the caller's demands were which I suspect are similar to yours. 6ft tall, good looking, 6 figures, etc...Your basically looking at less than 1% of the population.

The last analogy about being in business for 20 years is a poor one. A better analogy would be " what advice would you give a man who is 40 years old trying to make it in the National Football League"? It would be absolutely destructive to give wishful thinking advice to someone.

The idea that looks are the most important to you says that you are not marriage material. When your husband starts losing his hair or gets fat, are you going to get a divorce? I would run away from you as fast as possible.

Marriage is not an event (Wedding) but a process of growing old with a person through all of the ups and downs while taking care of children.

 

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[loop101]

Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond

Fastlane is about impacting as many people as possible with a profit-enabled process. It has nothing to do with two people being in love with eachother. If you want to meet a spouse, do something you enjoy around other people, and it will happen. Unless you want to meet someone just like yourself, you may have to move out of your comfort zone. Take a sailing class, go camping, etc.

 

[wade1mil]

I'm being super broad here because I don't know anything about you. In Fastlane terms, it sounds like you waiting for THE ONE is like a wantrepreneur waiting for THE ONE silver bullet business opportunity that costs nothing to startup and gets a $50M valuation in a month.

The equivalent answer might be realizing that there is no ONE, and that there are thousands of possible men/businesses that are perfect for you. Instead of everyone having a soulmate, what if everyone has 10,000 potential soulmates - all of which would lead to your ideal life?

You're only attracted to who you're attracted to. I get it. That's how I am as well, but that sounds like the most likely reason you (and I) are in this situation.