Advice Needed: How to get over public humiliation?

[ZackerySprague]

Almost 4 years ago, when I was at my third IT job working in Downtown Dallas. I was working for a Fintech Firm as a Security Operations Analyst. Our Director had just placed in his two weeks notice before my third month into the job. The CIO took over our department, but was responsible for other departments. I was in charge of assisting the Security Engineer with the systems that he was maintaining or developing.

One of those systems was a vulnerability scanner called Rapid7 Nessus, it had a report function that would allow me to create reports and review vulnerabilities. The CIO didn't like how the report was created by default from the software itself. He wanted me to create a meeting with him and I to discuss the report, I invited the entire team (which was only about 4 people, to be honest). The meeting proceeded on a Thursday, the meeting proceeded and I told the individuals what the purpose of the meeting was and asked the CIO how he wanted the report to be changed. He flip the script and basically said that "No, this meeting was for you, not for me to discuss how I want to report to be made." In Slack, he did proceed to say that he wanted to change the report, but didn't remember that over our meeting. I'm sure I stepped on the wrong foot with him when I started off with the meeting with him taking charge.

He then proceeded to tell me "well how would you read the report." I read it exactly as it was structured, he didn't like what I said and from then on proceeded to publicly humiliate me and read the report a different way. You could tell he was not very pleased. He stated that we will discuss what happened on Today's meeting the following day when I went home.

The next day, he wasn't very happy at all foul language was used, we checked our objectives as to what I was doing how the progress was made. Towards the end of the call, he placed a PIP upon me. I did make a mistake by making a tweet about him on Twitter so many years ago. That I have accepted that was not right of me and of course I took ownership of this since the years have past.

But ever since I have locked myself away from the world, protecting myself from people, because of this experience.

Do you, any Fastlaners, have any tips on how I could overcome this obstacle?

I recently also had a bad experience with a network marketer who was from Amway trying to sell me or to become apart of his downline. Let's just say we met up yesterday at a Starbucks Coffee shop and it didn't go very well, because I had my walls up waiting for the sell. He didn't like what I thought of network marketing. I really thought the dude was cool and had some good stuff as we had several conversations. But what I didn't like though is that even though he displayed this persona of being an awesome, outgoing guy, he did make sneaky comments about your flaws in the process.

He basically told me, "Oh your just a dude that built up four walls and stopped network." To which he was right. I have been afraid of putting myself out there again, because of these experiences.

 

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[Akaushra]

stop caring.

https://www.google.com/search?q=the...rome..69i57.8736j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

 

[ZackerySprague]

stop caring.

https://www.google.com/search?q=the...rome..69i57.8736j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Thank you

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I recently also had a bad experience with a network marketer who was from Amway trying to sell me or to become apart of his downline.

Congratulations, you dodged a bullet.

 

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[BellaPippin]

If I got it right… there was a misunderstanding, after that the way things were handled say way more about him than you. Why did he react so… defensively and then aggressively to a simple misunderstanding of the expectations of the meeting? I don’t get it. From the outside it just seems like the story of someone who encountered a big douche.

But to you it felt different, I guess. Look inside, what exactly about the situation pinched a nerve? What made you uncomfortable? Sometimes all it takes to process and let go is just the understanding of what went on, and it might be the confusion and perception of unfairness of the situation that lives rent free in your head.

 

[Isaac Odongo]

Get a stronger personal identity.

 

[Shono]

As someone who has been running from fears forever, it’s like a debt that accrues over time, the more you avoid it the more painful it becomes when you face it, and face it you must…

Reading books like the subtle art of not giving a F*ck is just a form of procrastination. In the heat of a ‘scary moment’ all your pre-rehearsed quotes and platitudes are replaced with adrenaline and emotions of past conditioning. Once you catch it, deep breathing can help.

In the book ‘the worry trick’ the author states the amygdala can send messages to the frontal cortex, but the frontal cortex can’t send messages to the amygdala, it’s a one way street. So fear is unavoidable, it’s not something you can ‘logic’ or ‘pep talk’ away in the moment.

I think the only option, from everything I’ve since experienced and done (which is literally waste 10 years of my life trying to run from my fears), is run towards what you’re afraid of.

This is the only way.

You can do the exposure therapy in bite size portions, or you can run in all at once. Maybe ease into it slowly if it's truly that daunting. But you cannot plan away the fear, it will always be there until you face whatever it is. The only way is through it, be like a steamroller and slowly steam forward whatever comes. Baptism by fire. Then only afterwards you can analyze what just happened. And if it goes completely wrong (even worse case scenario, like you shit your pants) at least you can say afterwards ‘damn I’m brave.’ Even shitting your pants and getting it over with is better than the slow dying from constipation.

I know 50+ year old shut ins who have never talked to girls due to fear, literally.

Cowards die 1000’s of times in their lives, the brave only die once. Be brave man, face whatever it is, NOW. Do it NOW.

As a bonus point, a lot of what people experience as ‘social anxiety’ actually stems from having a poor social network, ie. emotionally immature shit parents who don’t encourage you after you were bullied at school, maybe even insult you for being sensitive, further compounding the anxiety. Anyone who truly lives an adventurous life will get rejected, insulted, hated on at some point or another, it’s inevitable, the best antidote in those instances is find homies that prop you back up when that happens.

Edit: An ACTUAL book I found helpful is ‘go for no’ it can be read in about 30 minutes. The premise is, go for the negative on purpose, then it becomes a game rather than scary.

 

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[BizyDad]

Do you, any Fastlaners, have any tips on how I could overcome this obstacle?

Get some friends. Go out with them.

I recommend getting some friends that will tease the crap out of you. Let the verbal abuse toughen your skin like leather.

But if you can't take that, then get some nice friends.

Be the person that finds the things for your group of friends to do.

Breaking out of your shell is as simple as breaking out of your shell.

I didn't say it was easy...

 

[Shono]

I recommend getting some friends that will tease the crap out of you. Let the verbal abuse toughen your skin like leather.

This is also good advice . That's the biggest benefit of blue collar jobs.

 

[Jack Hammer]

My little mind hack is to say, "Meh, he's just a biological neural network, and a buggy one at that". It dehumanizes him just enough that I no longer care what he thinks. It works for me anyway.

 

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[WJK]

Almost 4 years ago, when I was at my third IT job working in Downtown Dallas. I was working for a Fintech Firm as a Security Operations Analyst. Our Director had just placed in his two weeks notice before my third month into the job. The CIO took over our department, but was responsible for other departments. I was in charge of assisting the Security Engineer with the systems that he was maintaining or developing.

One of those systems was a vulnerability scanner called Rapid7 Nessus, it had a report function that would allow me to create reports and review vulnerabilities. The CIO didn't like how the report was created by default from the software itself. He wanted me to create a meeting with him and I to discuss the report, I invited the entire team (which was only about 4 people, to be honest). The meeting proceeded on a Thursday, the meeting proceeded and I told the individuals what the purpose of the meeting was and asked the CIO how he wanted the report to be changed. He flip the script and basically said that "No, this meeting was for you, not for me to discuss how I want to report to be made." In Slack, he did proceed to say that he wanted to change the report, but didn't remember that over our meeting. I'm sure I stepped on the wrong foot with him when I started off with the meeting with him taking charge.

He then proceeded to tell me "well how would you read the report." I read it exactly as it was structured, he didn't like what I said and from then on proceeded to publicly humiliate me and read the report a different way. You could tell he was not very pleased. He stated that we will discuss what happened on Today's meeting the following day when I went home.

The next day, he wasn't very happy at all foul language was used, we checked our objectives as to what I was doing how the progress was made. Towards the end of the call, he placed a PIP upon me. I did make a mistake by making a tweet about him on Twitter so many years ago. That I have accepted that was not right of me and of course I took ownership of this since the years have past.

But ever since I have locked myself away from the world, protecting myself from people, because of this experience.

Do you, any Fastlaners, have any tips on how I could overcome this obstacle?

I recently also had a bad experience with a network marketer who was from Amway trying to sell me or to become apart of his downline. Let's just say we met up yesterday at a Starbucks Coffee shop and it didn't go very well, because I had my walls up waiting for the sell. He didn't like what I thought of network marketing. I really thought the dude was cool and had some good stuff as we had several conversations. But what I didn't like though is that even though he displayed this persona of being an awesome, outgoing guy, he did make sneaky comments about your flaws in the process.

He basically told me, "Oh your just a dude that built up four walls and stopped network." To which he was right. I have been afraid of putting myself out there again, because of these experiences.

EVERYONE out there is afraid of someone or something. And normal people have a lot of fears. (The guy who has no fears is crazy and self-destructive. Or he really wants to die and soon.)

Have you ever wondered what was going on in the man's life in the tech situation? Was he in over his head in the position in which he had been placed? Could he solve the problem you guys were working on? Did he have a better answer than you? Did he feel that he had to put you down to make himself feel better?

The Amway guy... Do you really know IF he is successful in his business? Is he floundering? Has he had some big failures recently? Does he really know how to sell? You know that he didn't sell you! Did his wife burn his eggs that morning before he saw you? Did his car make a new rattle on his way to your appointment that could cost him thousands in repairs? Did his daughter run off with the circus and now she's pregnant with the ugly clown's kid? Only he knows where he's really coming from.

Everyone puts his pants on one leg at a time. Everyone is afraid of something just like you. What is the worst thing that happen IF you put yourself out there again? You might be wrong. You've already survived that. You posted in this thread and that is you talking. Right? You might have someone put you down or criticize you. You had that moment too. You're still here. You can and will survive.

Give yourself permission to be wrong -- to fail -- to displease the people around you. If others tell you that you're wrong, ask what their answer is to the situation or question. Ask questions about that answer. Go in-depth and explore the possibilities. Maybe they do have a better answer. Maybe you can add to and build on their answer. You can also steer the conversation with your questions.

Now the big question... how do you start? Start small. Take a walk and smile at people. Take another walk and try it again. After smiling at a few people, try saying hi or good morning to them while you smile. In time, strike up a conversation with people you don't know to practice your people skills. What if you strike out and say the wrong thing? It's OK. You never have to see them again and you are just practicing anyway. When you get comfortable with talking to strangers, try someone closer to home. Make a friend and talk to them. Tell them your silly jokes. When you get to know them better, ask what and who they are afraid of. It's all a process. Just remember that everyone's favorite subject is themselves...

 

[Isaac Odongo]

Get a stronger personal identity.

My motto is life has challenges. Some challenges will shit on me. I prepare in advance for such. It doesn't mean I will be thoroughly ready and just ride the tide. But I have learned to just face them and get through them. Or live with them.

When I say get a stronger personal identity, I mean find reasons to face up to, get through or live with challenges. Public humiliation is inclusive. You're not the first to have experienced it. I experience it frequently. I know who I am. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know my failures.

Someone humiliating me doesn't change that. I don't mean I remain unshaken. But in a little while I get anchored and roll on with my head high.

 

[Ubu_roi]

Something that helps me a lot is the realization that nobody gives a shit.

You are succesful?
You are a loser?
You are smart?
You like red?
You just won the Boston marathon?
You graduated in the best university with honors?
You created the best armchair in the world? Or a fantastic book maybe?
You are rich?
You are poor?

Nobody gives a shit. Truly and literally.

Until there's something for them.

If you win the marathon, then you'll have thousands of people ready to learn from you how to win the marathon. If you write a good book, people will buy it, and some will even admire you for it.

So, let your actions define who you are, and ignore everything else, as the "everything else" is just illusion, a cage you put yourself into.

(of course, very easy to say, and very difficult to do!)

 

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[fridge]

This is standard in the corporate world. You just have to know when to leave, have an in-demand skill set and be able to interview well for whatever comes next.

As far as what you can do? Start understanding these things aren't about you, its about them. When I read your original post I don't get the feeling that you're actively using this to improve yourself as a person. Rather I get the feeling that you've internalized it as you failing as a person, that you think you are a failure, not just at your previous job.

Its all going to boil down to your mindset. Are you doing the things you need to be doing day to day that will make you more mentally tough?

 

[heavy_industry]

As someone who has been running from fears forever, it’s like a debt that accrues over time, the more you avoid it the more painful it becomes when you face it, and face it you must…

Reading books like the subtle art of not giving a F*ck is just a form of procrastination. In the heat of a ‘scary moment’ all your pre-rehearsed quotes and platitudes are replaced with adrenaline and emotions of past conditioning. Once you catch it, deep breathing can help.

In the book ‘the worry trick’ the author states the amygdala can send messages to the frontal cortex, but the frontal cortex can’t send messages to the amygdala, it’s a one way street. So fear is unavoidable, it’s not something you can ‘logic’ or ‘pep talk’ away in the moment.

I think the only option, from everything I’ve since experienced and done (which is literally waste 10 years of my life trying to run from my fears), is run towards what you’re afraid of.

This is the only way.

You can do the exposure therapy in bite size portions, or you can run in all at once. Maybe ease into it slowly if it's truly that daunting. But you cannot plan away the fear, it will always be there until you face whatever it is. The only way is through it, be like a steamroller and slowly steam forward whatever comes. Baptism by fire. Then only afterwards you can analyze what just happened. And if it goes completely wrong (even worse case scenario, like you shit your pants) at least you can say afterwards ‘damn I’m brave.’ Even shitting your pants and getting it over with is better than the slow dying from constipation.

I know 50+ year old shut ins who have never talked to girls due to fear, literally.

Cowards die 1000’s of times in their lives, the brave only die once. Be brave man, face whatever it is, NOW. Do it NOW.

As a bonus point, a lot of what people experience as ‘social anxiety’ actually stems from having a poor social network, ie. emotionally immature shit parents who don’t encourage you after you were bullied at school, maybe even insult you for being sensitive, further compounding the anxiety. Anyone who truly lives an adventurous life will get rejected, insulted, hated on at some point or another, it’s inevitable, the best antidote in those instances is find homies that prop you back up when that happens.

Edit: An ACTUAL book I found helpful is ‘go for no’ it can be read in about 30 minutes. The premise is, go for the negative on purpose, then it becomes a game rather than scary.

During your marathon, have you accidentally drunk water that was contaminated with GOLD?

I've bookmarked this post for future reference.

 

[WJK]

Something that helps me a lot is the realization that nobody gives a shit.

You are succesful?
You are a loser?
You are smart?
You like red?
You just won the Boston marathon?
You graduated in the best university with honors?
You created the best armchair in the world? Or a fantastic book maybe?
You are rich?
You are poor?

Nobody gives a shit. Truly and literally.

Until there's something for them.

If you win the marathon, then you'll have thousands of people ready to learn from you how to win the marathon. If you write a good book, people will buy it, and some will even admire you for it.

So, let your actions define who you are, and ignore everything else, as the "everything else" is just illusion, a cage you put yourself into.

(of course, very easy to say, and very difficult to do!)

Amen!

 

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[Matt Lee]

Primarily when someone negatively gets to me, lives rent-free in my head, or gets a reaction on my part, it's a sign that I have too much free time. I better get back to work or schedule more things to do because clearly what I'm doing is not enough. It's either that or I unconsciously believe the other person is superior to me in some way. That means something is going wrong with my mental state and I need to fix it.

It's similar to having a mindset around either scarcity or abundance. Or internal vs external locus of control.

SCARCITY(external locus):
1. You don't have enough meaningful things to do during the day so everything that happens to you is a big deal.

2. Everyone will judge you for your mistakes, flaws, and past.

ABUNDANCE(internal locus):
1. You have so many meaningful things to do you can't afford to spend your time on the mundane(this includes worrying about the opinions of others, gossiping, and spending your time on fruitless things). Every single one of your choices to react, move forward, work, think, matters and will have positive compound effects.

2. You control how you react to other people despite your mistakes, flaws, and past.

---

Thought experiment:
If you are going to call 100 potential clients, are you really going to be afraid of getting rejected by 1 or 2? Nah.

If you are going to talk to 100 girls or guys, are you afraid of getting bad reactions from a few? Nope.

In my case, if you're going to create 100s if not 1,000s of video, if one video flops... does even matter in the long run?

Well.. again no.

If you are building your network and becoming more valuable as a person AND YOU KNOW IT, then you gotta believe you have options. Even if it means you have to be delusional about it at the moment.

People without options or who think they don't have options come off as desperate and desperation scares people like the smell of bad farts. (sorry for the nasty imagery)

But in truth, desperation is also an illusion.

You will only have more options if you continue to grow in whatever you are pursuing whether that be network, fitness, social life, business, etc.

Imagine you have a thriving business or are in the process of building one. You got mouths to feed, clients that always look toward your service, intense gym sessions to hit, 10,000 steps to reach, people to talk to, and a health goal you want to achieve.

How hard is it to get through public humiliation if you have so much going on for yourself? You can't even afford to think about humiliation because it'll slow down your momentum.

So I guess my point is... do you feel like you are growing or have too much time on your hand?

 

[ZackerySprague]

Thank you to all who has commented

 

[ZackerySprague]

Congratulations, you dodged a bullet.

It's quite the story this one, I was approached by a guy at Barnes and Nobles after picking up "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer and The surrender experiment. He introduced himself and we made small talk this was the day before Mother's Day. He recommended to some good books about relationships and then talked about how he was wanting to start over. His observations skills are off the charts. He thought I was an entrepreneur because of the way I talked, the way I walked, and the way I dressed. That threw me off. I thought it was cool to be approached by someone random stranger, but once he said "He was a network marketer." That when the I put up my guard, he then proceeded to invite me to this karaoke place called Valentines on Mother's Day at the end of the day. His partner Eddie told me if I was there for poker night and to my point I wasn't. After sitting down, they asked I drink or wanted pizza of course. I politely declined and was waiting for this guys sale.

The entire audience that was there was asking me questions it basically felt like an interrogation. I just got up and walked out basically told him that this "wasn't my vibe." but that was entirely false. The following day he text's me "How far are you willing to go for others or do you see yourself as someone who's above others." This really pissed me off considering it's a guy I just met who was trying to sell me on his Amway stuff. I politely told him "You don't know my background, nor the people that I have helped in my past. This to me is no bueno in network marketing practices. I would have never said this to anyone initially if not at all." I stopped texting him after awhile, but then I made the mistake of meeting up with him at Starbucks.

I thought I pre-judged him early, and basically apologized. I wanted to give this dude a chance and see what he has to offer. Checked out his stuff on Facebook seemed like he had some good stuff that others would appreciate. So that's why I gave him a second chance. Thought I could make a connection/friend.

The Starbucks meetup was horrible, I felt like he genuinely was not being authentic, fake stories or the same stories being told. But the dude wasn't all that bad I do still think he's a genuine kind of guy. I, of course was still skeptical, and he could tell as he tried get me to come out of my shell by wanting me to tell him personal stories, hobbies that I would do, what were my goals, topics about limitations people place themselves in life, but after awhile he was starting to get the point that I wasn't going to cave-in.

So from his observation, I don't trust people easily, I holed myself up in my apartment by building four walls, and I don't network with others. He didn't like what I said about Network Marketing and how I have a principle that I live by to which is to not push products or services in my friends and families faces and how he should start a company of his own. Why stay at Amway, when you get your money from your downline and you're apart of someone's downline. It's just a total Shazam. I then proceeded to tell him what do you think would happen if the Federal Trade Commission actually sue's Amway or your product's that are sold are no longer available. I ended the my point there, He then proceeded to ask questions about my background with MLM's and why I came to this opinion... Well... I learned from a good teacher . Then he stated the following "Well, if you had a bad experience, I then need to tell the organization or my group about it so that we don't do it ever again." Ah.... Group... that makes sense now, so are you talking about those people at the Karoke place? How about the word Partner you've been using?

He then got up and proceeded to say "Well, this calls for coffee." and then proceeded to order one. We talked about Why's and how he believes that using anger or negativity was a bad then or placing pressure on yourself to improve just so that you don't have to be like someone. I agreed to disagree on his points of why's or purposes.

But oh well, I told him I was done and made a lie that I was helping a friend move *true story, not actual lie*, but anyway. I went to store and on the way there. I got super pissed and locked myself out of my car. Thank God for AAA service.

And that's the story of my first Network Marketing experience from Amway. In essence, right neighborhood, wrong house.

 

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[BizyDad]

It's quite the story this one, I was approached by a guy at Barnes and Nobles after picking up "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer and The surrender experiment. He introduced himself and we made small talk this was the day before Mother's Day. He recommended to some good books about relationships and then talked about how he was wanting to start over. His observations skills are off the charts. He thought I was an entrepreneur because of the way I talked, the way I walked, and the way I dressed. That threw me off. I thought it was cool to be approached by someone random stranger, but once he said "He was a network marketer." That when the I put up my guard, he then proceeded to invite me to this karaoke place called Valentines on Mother's Day at the end of the day. His partner Eddie told me if I was there for poker night and to my point I wasn't. After sitting down, they asked I drink or wanted pizza of course. I politely declined and was waiting for this guys sale.

The entire audience that was there was asking me questions it basically felt like an interrogation. I just got up and walked out basically told him that this "wasn't my vibe." but that was entirely false. The following day he text's me "How far are you willing to go for others or do you see yourself as someone who's above others." This really pissed me off considering it's a guy I just met who was trying to sell me on his Amway stuff. I politely told him "You don't know my background, nor the people that I have helped in my past. This to me is no bueno in network marketing practices. I would have never said this to anyone initially if not at all." I stopped texting him after awhile, but then I made the mistake of meeting up with him at Starbucks.

I thought I pre-judged him early, and basically apologized. I wanted to give this dude a chance and see what he has to offer. Checked out his stuff on Facebook seemed like he had some good stuff that others would appreciate. So that's why I gave him a second chance. Thought I could make a connection/friend.

The Starbucks meetup was horrible, I felt like he genuinely was not being authentic, fake stories or the same stories being told. But the dude wasn't all that bad I do still think he's a genuine kind of guy. I, of course was still skeptical, and he could tell as he tried get me to come out of my shell by wanting me to tell him personal stories, hobbies that I would do, what were my goals, topics about limitations people place themselves in life, but after awhile he was starting to get the point that I wasn't going to cave-in.

So from his observation, I don't trust people easily, I holed myself up in my apartment by building four walls, and I don't network with others. He didn't like what I said about Network Marketing and how I have a principle that I live by to which is to not push products or services in my friends and families faces and how he should start a company of his own. Why stay at Amway, when you get your money from your downline and you're apart of someone's downline. It's just a total Shazam. I then proceeded to tell him what do you think would happen if the Federal Trade Commission actually sue's Amway or your product's that are sold are no longer available. I ended the my point there, He then proceeded to ask questions about my background with MLM's and why I came to this opinion... Well... I learned from a good teacher . Then he stated the following "Well, if you had a bad experience, I then need to tell the organization or my group about it so that we don't do it ever again." Ah.... Group... that makes sense now, so are you talking about those people at the Karoke place? How about the word Partner you've been using?

He then got up and proceeded to say "Well, this calls for coffee." and then proceeded to order one. We talked about Why's and how he believes that using anger or negativity was a bad then or placing pressure on yourself to improve just so that you don't have to be like someone. I agreed to disagree on his points of why's or purposes.

But oh well, I told him I was done and made a lie that I was helping a friend move *true story, not actual lie*, but anyway. I went to store and on the way there. I got super pissed and locked myself out of my car. Thank God for AAA service.

And that's the story of my first Network Marketing experience from Amway. In essence, right neighborhood, wrong house.

So? This story isn't actually as original as you think. My three experiences with amway people have been similar.

And who cares?

You spent an awful lot of time trying to defend yourself and tell the other guy how he should live his life?

What are you going to do now? What is going to change?

Did we all waste our time here, or...?

Frankly, if you replay these experiences in your head, there's probably a lot you can learn from this dude about building a tribe and making friends.

 

[ZackerySprague]

So? This story isn't actually as original as you think. My three experiences with amway people have been similar.

And who cares?

You spent an awful lot of time trying to defend yourself and tell the other guy how he should live his life?

What are you going to do now? What is going to change?

Did we all waste our time here, or...?

Frankly, if you replay these experiences in your head, there's probably a lot you can learn from this dude about building a tribe and making friends.

No you didn't waste your time the original post is still valid and to which I do still want to thank you personally and everybody who commented. Each comment was sincere and all of the advise I will use. So, please don't think that at all. I apologize if my "communication" style comes across as if I am defending myself. That's not the case.

I just wanted to tell a friendly store on the forum based on my experience. I wasn't trying to defend myself either I promise you. I am just coming from the premise of not wanting to be apart an MLM. As I originally stated, I think he was a good dude.

I could yes, but the judgement part is what I didn't want to par-take in. You could say we both judged each other early on.

It is not my intent to defend myself. I just thought the story might be a good add to this thread... probably in the wrong section.

But your right I could have actually learned from him, but in all honestly. I am bring it upon myself to learn how to network in real life. Connecting the Feedback loop from something I haven't done before to something I have done.

I, of course, still do learn from others and materials I have purchased from the past.

 

[BizyDad]

No you didn't waste your time the original post is still valid and to which I do still want to thank you personally and everybody who commented. Each comment was sincere and all of the advise I will use. So, please don't think that at all. I apologize if my "communication" style comes across as if I am defending myself. That's not the case.

I just wanted to tell a friendly store on the forum based on my experience. I wasn't trying to defend myself either I promise you. I am just coming from the premise of not wanting to be apart an MLM. As I originally stated, I think he was a good dude.

I could yes, but the judgement part is what I didn't want to par-take in. You could say we both judged each other early on.

It is not my intent to defend myself. I just thought the story might be a good add to this thread... probably in the wrong section.

But your right I could have actually learned from him, but in all honestly. I am bring it upon myself to learn how to network in real life. Connecting the Feedback loop from something I haven't done before to something I have done.

I, of course, still do learn from others and materials I have purchased from the past.

I didn't mean you were defending yourself from us...

I meant you were defending yourself in your conversations with him...

Just making an observation there. You didn't really need to defend yourself...

But you also haven't shared any growth or next steps either.

What are you going to do to network? How are you going to create that feedback loop? Are you going to join a toastmasters? A BNI? An evening sports league? Poker league? Start visiting your neighborhood bar regularly? Attend conventions?

There's a whole world out there...

 

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[ZackerySprague]

I didn't mean you were defending yourself from us...

I meant you were defending yourself in your conversations with him...

Just making an observation there. You didn't really need to defend yourself...

But you also haven't shared any growth or next steps either.

What are you going to do to network? How are you going to create that feedback loop? Are you going to join a toastmasters? A BNI? An evening sports league? Poker league? Start visiting your neighborhood bar regularly? Attend conventions?

There's a whole world out there...

I wasn't necessarily defending, I just didn't give him that level of trust yet. I don't trust network marketers... sorry man. I just don't. I'll admit I am a bit biased there, but I seriously do think their cool people, and I could have definitely learned a lot. But I don't want to waste my money on something against a principle that I live by.

I'm part of Toast Tuesdays, every two weeks at a close by local Roof marketing company. I have made great connections there and became a local (Amazing People). I will eventually expand to others.

I found the Alignable platform to the best when it comes to networking. It's just like in-person meetups, but better. They place you a room like Zoom and then split you into one-on-one rooms, thus having 7 minutes to just connect and speak with people. It's a technology they developed called Smart Connect. It has worked wonders, I now 2 potential web design projects in the pipeline both ecommerce in the spirituality niche.

One lady actually created a product called Natural Silk (which is in the process of becoming patent, so cool) that helps the elder people or people who have skin diseases because she had a problem with her skin herself to which could have killed her. She also survived cancer. She was such a nice lady, we actually just got off the phone today. She actually makes the product herself to.

So yes I am doing networking. I just don't tell everything that I am doing publicly. I am doing things in the background, I just don't mention them.

 

[BizyDad]

I found the Alignable platform to the best when it comes to networking. It's just like in-person meetups, but better.

First off, thanks for sharing this. It's a pretty cool tool for meeting people and making connections. I had always dismissed it.

But I can't help but point out that it seems like the reason it is better is because it minimizes the actual amount of interaction, and of course it's not truly a public place.

So I'm not sure that that really helps overcome the point of the thread...

And I'm also not sure that I'm helping at this point either. So I'll bow out. Good luck to you.

 

[Fasted]

Start lifting heavy weights if you're not already. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

 

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[maesterov]

Edit: An ACTUAL book I found helpful is ‘go for no’ it can be read in about 30 minutes. The premise is, go for the negative on purpose, then it becomes a game rather than scary.

I’m only halfway through the book, but I can already tell that if you apply it in your life as soon as possible, like right now, it can make a huge positive impact.

Man, this book hit me so hard, I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t come back here and thanked you for the recommendation.

From this day on, I’m a man who likes to fail.
A man who likes to fail big and fail often.
So simple, and yet so true.

Cheers!

 

[ZackerySprague]

First off, thanks for sharing this. It's a pretty cool tool for meeting people and making connections. I had always dismissed it.

But I can't help but point out that it seems like the reason it is better is because it minimizes the actual amount of interaction, and of course it's not truly a public place.

So I'm not sure that that really helps overcome the point of the thread...

And I'm also not sure that I'm helping at this point either. So I'll bow out. Good luck to you.

It’s not I promise you, I have a list of events that I wrote down that I can go to. Some of them I can’t go because of my day job. I go to the ones that I can around my schedule.

You are helping me, you’ve asked questions, given me actual advice on how I can overcome public humiliation like everyone else on this thread.

I apologize for taking this thread off track from its original post.

 

[heavy_industry]

There is only one solution to this problem, and you are the only one that is capable of solving it.

Until you fix it, the same situations will keep happening.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z5zcJncHPs&ab_channel=JordanPetersonFanChannel

 

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[ZackerySprague]

There is only one solution to this problem, and you are the only one that is capable of solving it.

Until you fix it, the same situations will keep happening.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z5zcJncHPs&ab_channel=JordanPetersonFanChannel

Thanks Heavy Industry!

 

[JUAREZ]

Almost 4 years ago, when I was at my third IT job working in Downtown Dallas. I was working for a Fintech Firm as a Security Operations Analyst. Our Director had just placed in his two weeks notice before my third month into the job. The CIO took over our department, but was responsible for other departments. I was in charge of assisting the Security Engineer with the systems that he was maintaining or developing.

One of those systems was a vulnerability scanner called Rapid7 Nessus, it had a report function that would allow me to create reports and review vulnerabilities. The CIO didn't like how the report was created by default from the software itself. He wanted me to create a meeting with him and I to discuss the report, I invited the entire team (which was only about 4 people, to be honest). The meeting proceeded on a Thursday, the meeting proceeded and I told the individuals what the purpose of the meeting was and asked the CIO how he wanted the report to be changed. He flip the script and basically said that "No, this meeting was for you, not for me to discuss how I want to report to be made." In Slack, he did proceed to say that he wanted to change the report, but didn't remember that over our meeting. I'm sure I stepped on the wrong foot with him when I started off with the meeting with him taking charge.

He then proceeded to tell me "well how would you read the report." I read it exactly as it was structured, he didn't like what I said and from then on proceeded to publicly humiliate me and read the report a different way. You could tell he was not very pleased. He stated that we will discuss what happened on Today's meeting the following day when I went home.

The next day, he wasn't very happy at all foul language was used, we checked our objectives as to what I was doing how the progress was made. Towards the end of the call, he placed a PIP upon me. I did make a mistake by making a tweet about him on Twitter so many years ago. That I have accepted that was not right of me and of course I took ownership of this since the years have past.

But ever since I have locked myself away from the world, protecting myself from people, because of this experience.

Do you, any Fastlaners, have any tips on how I could overcome this obstacle?

I recently also had a bad experience with a network marketer who was from Amway trying to sell me or to become apart of his downline. Let's just say we met up yesterday at a Starbucks Coffee shop and it didn't go very well, because I had my walls up waiting for the sell. He didn't like what I thought of network marketing. I really thought the dude was cool and had some good stuff as we had several conversations. But what I didn't like though is that even though he displayed this persona of being an awesome, outgoing guy, he did make sneaky comments about your flaws in the process.

He basically told me, "Oh your just a dude that built up four walls and stopped network." To which he was right. I have been afraid of putting myself out there again, because of these experiences.

You are still affected about an event that happened about 4 years ago. This consumes you and you project this feeling into future actions that if you got passed that, you will act differently. So, you are traped in the past.

You had an "evolutionary experience", and you must find the golden nuggets from that experience.

There is a documentary on Netflix, with a psychotherapist, which gives you the tools to have a better life. Now, you are trapped on what he says "the maze". Having these thoughts after all this time stops you to be present.

The documentary is called - "Phil Stutz - The instruments ". Maybe you will find answers there.