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GOLD! Worried Dad - Need "Fastlane" Insight

Let my son live with us while he quits his job and starts a business?


  • Total voters
    63
  • Poll closed .

Manu

New Contributor
Apr 9, 2012
24
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Spain
Should you choose to throw him out on his a$$ simply because he's not following the path that you did… Could have permanent and irrevocable consequences on your relationship with him forever.
I'm a son of a father that doesn't understand me, but worse, doesn't even try.

You obviously do since you're here. So my advice is to listen to him, motivate him to talk to you about his progress and check if his ideas are solid and backed by business logic, not vague dreams of success.

Be there for him but making sure he's accountable for his actions. Family is a support structure but he's an individual now.

In other words when you give him your blessing, it is not like "I'm responsible for your actions". It is "Your ideas are solid so go for it. I'm here for you if you need it".
 

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Vigilante

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MJ has talked before about an entrepreneurial revolution. One of the unfortunate aspects of this new generation and thought process is that by definition it rejects the false premise that old-school ways can compete with today's fast changing economic climate.

My wife's grandfather worked 50 years for Proctor and Gamble. He retired from the company with a generous pension and received a gift basket from them every year at Christmas time until he passed away last year.

That doesn't exist anymore. The average professional will have more than seven jobs, in two or more industries over a 40 year working career. There's no generous pension or gift basket waiting for you at the end of the rainbow anymore.

Dad, you have to agree that there is zero job security in corporate America. You are as dispensable as last weeks sales figures, this weeks appointments, or financials of the company that you don't control. The illusion of job security that was a reality in the past generation is a mirage now. Corporations find you dispensable. They demand your loyalty to them, but it is a one-way street. When it comes time to lay you off, you are just a number on a spreadsheet.

The days of canceling your cable bill so you can save $30 more per month for retirement, believing what you were taught that compound interest will somehow make you a multi millionaire $30 at a time is perpetuated by people that for the most part really want the best for you, but don't have a fundamental grasp of personal finance.

Mark Cuban says "you only have to be right once."

There is a generational gap. I have made more in certain years then my father made in a decade of working for the man. However, he still thinks I should have finished college, become a slave to the corporation, and saved 8% of my income every year in an IRA. Pay no attention to the fact that it didn't work out the way they thought it would for 99% of his generation that follow that road map. I think our rejection of that roadmap becomes personal for that generation because were rejecting the principles on which they built their lives, and it makes them face the reality as they reach the game over point for themselves that they believed the bullshit they were taught. That misbelief is the reason that the majority of the United States are now dependent on external sources such as public assistance for their very sustenance.

There is a better way.
 

WealthyMind

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What would I do if I were his parents?

I would...

1) Ask him..."Son...what I can do to support you so that you can have the greatest likelihood to succeed with your new venture?"

2) Read the Millionaire Fastlane (if I hadn't already done so) so I can get the context from which my "son" was operating from...so when he hits a roadblock, I could use the context in the book to help him find the solution he is looking for, or point him in the right direction.

3) Create a list of rules we both agree to so that we could come to a resolution about operating a business under my roof.
(You are the one saying, "My house, my rules...")
--> Example: Make your son report to you at least once per week to let you know what he specifically worked on, what progress he made, what he learned, and what challenges he had to overcome.

4) Stop trying to force my "agenda" of "what I think is best for you..." onto him. I would focus on empowering him, and doing everything I could (within my control), to ensure that he succeeds no matter how many ups and downs on the roller coaster he has to endure. (This is where as a father you teach him what the word "commitment" means. Even when shit gets messy as a business owner, you have to learn to not shrivel up into a ball and quit...even though you have every excuse in the book to.)

5) Tell your son that you love him every day, and that what you most want for him is to be happy.

6) Tell him that you believe that he will succeed, no matter what business he decides to build.

---

With all of this being said, I have something to share that will drive my points home even more...

I lost my father to a silent heart attack in 2004.

He passed away right in front of me in less than 30 seconds...

I was a freshmen in college, and the school year just started...

His wake was on my 19th birthday, and his funeral was the day before Thanksgiving.

I miss him more than you will ever know.

Everything I have ever learned as an entrepreneur, I have had to learn it from either, getting kicked in the teeth, losing money, and by making thousands of mistakes.

My mother has never fully understood why I just "don't get a job" like everyone else...and multiple fights have ensued on multiple occasions because of it.

The only person that I feel fully supports me is my father's mom (my grandmother).

If it weren't for people like my grandmother, and the many mentors in my life such as @MJ DeMarco, and others who have supported me along my entrepreneurial journey, I probably would have thrown in the towel and called it quits.

---

This is your opportunity @WorriedDad to help your son do something great, and be able to impact millions of people in a positive way.

Don't waste this opportunity, and don't squash his dreams...

Be grateful that your son has the vision to impact millions of lives by solving a specific problem for a specific group of people in the world...(Most kids his age are so self-absorbed with "me" "me" "me" that they lose sight of everyone else around them. As a business owner, for you to succeed, you must put other people first and focus on serving them...Successful entrepreneurs are probably some of the most unselfish people I know)

Be proud that he wants to create something bigger than himself, and do more than just "work for the man."

And with all that said...

I am going to close with this...

Don't rob your son from the opportunity to do something great.

And never tell him that he can't do something.

You just never know what he may be capable of, and what positive change he is going to make in the world, if you just give him the chance.

If my dad were in the same situation as you in his past, and he came here asking the very same question you are in this forum, I would hope that after reading everything that has been posted here...that he would be ok with me quitting my job and starting the company.

But the choice is yours.

What are you going to choose?
 
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Prototype

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A lot of excellent advice has been given, so all I can offer of value is some suggestions based on what my parents did wrong, that led us to not interact much today.

Remember that it's not that bad. Having him around, that is. If he's a total nuisance, by all means get rid of him. But is he really that bad? There are a lot of parents right now who would gladly trade places with you. Most kids in their twenties are lost, and have a lot worse going on than your kid. What were you doing at his age?

Here's what one guy was doing: "At 26 years old, I fell into depression; my businesses were not self-sufficient and neither was I. ... I lived with my mother as I bounced from one business venture to another. Success was absent. Every month was a different business: vitamins, jewelry, some hot 'turnkey' marketing program purchased from the back of a business magazine, or some goofy long-distance network marketing gig."

Those are the words of the man who owns this forum. Sounds pretty similar. I'm not saying praise your son, but remind yourself that you are not talking about a problem child. He's lost. Maybe he's not motivated. Okay. Work on that. But think before you take a drastic step like kicking him out.
 
OP
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WorriedDad

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Oct 15, 2014
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Staying with you is also hurting YOUR future. You can't save as much as you normally would for your retirement. You don't have the freedom you should have with your kids out of the house.
He must really want to start a business, because I don't think he particularly wants to be living here. It took a lot of discipline to save every dime he's made thus far in the hopes of escaping the corporate ladder at a young age. I do have to admit, he has offered to pay us rent, has taken us to dinner a few times and has gone on some grocery runs for us. He hasn't been sitting around playing video games or watching TV. He's helped us around the house and has been reading business books and magazines, working out, and browsing this forum and other websites. That being said, a lot of good points here... he's got 1.5 years from the time he quits his job.

My wife's grandfather worked 50 years for Proctor and Gamble. He retired from the company with a generous pension and received a gift basket from them every year at Christmas time until he passed away last year.

That doesn't exist anymore. The average professional will have more than seven jobs, in two or more industries over a 40 year working career. There's no generous pension or gift basket waiting for you at the end of the rainbow anymore.

Dad, you have to agree that there is zero job security in corporate America. You are as dispensable as last weeks sales figures, this weeks appointments, or financials of the company that you don't control. The illusion of job security that was a reality in the past generation is a mirage now. Corporations find you dispensable. They demand your loyalty to them, but it is a one-way street. When it comes time to lay you off, you are just a number on a spreadsheet.
Yes, I would have to agree with you here. When I started working at my current employer 30 years ago, I watched as my bosses received giant profit-sharing checks once each year, a $5,000 travel voucher for their 25th work anniversary, and when they retired, a gold Rolex. At my 25th work anniversary, guess what I received? Nothing. Just my name in a small section of our weekly email newsletter. Enrollment in a profit sharing program? HA! It doesn't even exist anymore. Things have absolutely changed. I have more responsibility than my previous bosses ever did, fewer employees to share the workload, and I work much longer days. I can definitely see your point. You guys win.

That being said, I think there is something to be said for getting paid while you develop yourself as an individual and learn on someone else's dime. Benefits don't hurt, either.

If I were your son with 35,000 $ on my pocket I would not even ask to live with you.I would rent a cheap apartment for myself, get a fast internet conection, schedule work out everyday, good food and good water, then I would start working on any fastlane idea I would have, just one good idea, and try, fail, try,fail,try,fail,try and then win.
Worst case scenario: he runs out of money before fastlane success, so what? he knows a lot now, he can now go back to your home and start from there again.
Best case scenario: his Fastlane is a success, he pays your mortgage and you can be the proudest parents.
When I was younger I probably would have done the same - assuming I had entrepreneurial aspirations and a clear vision of what I wanted to be doing. When I was my sons age, I was already married, but if I wasn't, you better believe I would have an apartment and be out meeting the ladies in my spare time. :cigar:

Rent is expensive here, so my son would need to move cities for this game plan. Also, many of his ideas will use the majority (if not all) of his life savings.

Don't rob your son from the opportunity to do something great.
Thank you for sharing your story. Definitely puts things in perspective. Life really is too short.

Remember that it's not that bad.
You're right. ;) This forum has helped me to see this. Being a father is a WILD ride.

Please wish him the best.
 

MJ DeMarco

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He must really want to start a business, because I don't think he particularly wants to be living here. It took a lot of discipline to save every dime he's made thus far in the hopes of escaping the corporate ladder at a young age. I do have to admit, he has offered to pay us rent, has taken us to dinner a few times and has gone on some grocery runs for us. He hasn't been sitting around playing video games or watching TV. He's helped us around the house and has been reading business books and magazines, working out, and browsing this forum and other websites. That being said, a lot of good points here... he's got 1.5 years from the time he quits his job.



Yes, I would have to agree with you here. When I started working at my current employer 30 years ago, I watched as my bosses received giant profit-sharing checks once each year, a $5,000 travel voucher for their 25th work anniversary, and when they retired, a gold Rolex. At my 25th work anniversary, guess what I received? Nothing. Just my name in a small section of our weekly email newsletter. Enrollment in a profit sharing program? HA! It doesn't even exist anymore. Things have absolutely changed. I have more responsibility than my previous bosses ever did, fewer employees to share the workload, and I work much longer days. I can definitely see your point. You guys win.

That being said, I think there is something to be said for getting paid while you develop yourself as an individual and learn on someone else's dime. Benefits don't hurt, either.



When I was younger I probably would have done the same - assuming I had entrepreneurial aspirations and a clear vision of what I wanted to be doing. When I was my sons age, I was already married, but if I wasn't, you better believe I would have an apartment and be out meeting the ladies in my spare time. :cigar:

Rent is expensive here, so my son would need to move cities for this game plan. Also, many of his ideas will use the majority (if not all) of his life savings.



Thank you for sharing your story. Definitely puts things in perspective. Life really is too short.



You're right. ;) This forum has helped me to see this. Being a father is a WILD ride.

Please wish him the best.
My dad left in my early teens. Despite having him around for more than a decade, I never really felt he was involved in my life as a child. He was just "there". Then one day, he was gone. As they say, you can't miss something that you never had. That's how I've felt my entire life. Reading your comments, however, and your interactions with your son truly makes me feel like I've missed out on something. I have no doubt your son will find his way.

Thread marked GOLD.
 

Bigguns50

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@WorriedDad .. Good job Dad ! You've taken the time to read and consider everyone's thoughtful advice and experience here and made a decision. It doesn't matter if we agree or disagree with you. Being a Father of two, 19 and 21 yrs old, I applaud you for taking the time and energy and opening up here to help your Son. Obviously you love your Son deeply and want the best for him.

We all make tough decisions based on many factors. Sometimes we're right...sometimes we're wrong. Even if your decision is 'wrong', you can make adjustments to your rules and keep moving forward.

You know your Son. You probably know deep inside what will really work for him. He sounds like a good 'kid'.

My kids are 2 very different people. If they were both in the exact situation, my advice, help, and approach would be different for each. I also know that supporting them in whatever they do, whether I agree or not, is very important to them. I'm sure your Son appreciates your support.
 

ZCP

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He needs to start. Could be online, amazon, hustling / craigslist. Needs to start a couple of companies and try ideas. Instead of spending all this time on the 'perfect' idea and blowing all of his savings on the one idea, he just needs to start. Challenge him to make $500 outside of a job. He can spend no more $1500 to do it. That will get the idea machine going!
 

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TedM

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Great thread, and thanks to @WorriedDad for starting this. I'm a father to a large brood, and I relate to much of what has been said here, from sons & fathers.

I found it very poignant, those who have not had the opportunity for a warm relationship with their father. You seem to have good communication & caring relationship with your son - that's a beautiful thing.

I just showed the thread to my 19 year old, the one who wanted to skip school and "go Fast Lane" last year. He tried, saw that he didn't have the skills, focus, and discipline yet - so he is out acquiring them in school now, learning to build buildings.

In another context, someone once told me - Don't do it soon - do it ready! It's hard to know when we are ready, but it's generally kind of obvious when we aren't.

best of success to you both!
 

armitage79

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Kudos to WorriedDad for posting on here.

10 years ago I was in the same boat as your son. Had a stable job that I hated and was trying to start a business. My parents let me live at home. I actually did start several businesses, first on eBay and later establishing a brand of motorcycle accessories. I didn't make much money but I learned a lot about product design, engineering, manufacturing, website coding, marketing, sales, customer service, and more. Even though I probably just broke even on my ventures, the experience and the self-confidence that came with it was priceless.

All those lessons still help me today. I have 3 businesses, 2 slowlane and 1 semi-fastlane. Still working hard and hustling, but I have the confidence that no matter what, I'll land on my feet.

I say, let your son chase his dreams. He may fail. Like others have said, failure is part of the path, maybe the most important. He's a grown man. Your role is to guide him and support/comfort him when he needs it.
 

J. van Driessen

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I'd say that $35.000 is a decent amount to get started. There are types of businesses he could start online that would require only a fraction of that to get started.
It really depends what kind of business he wants to start. I have recently gone into freelance IT. I have almost no startup costs, and if I work 4 months a year I still have better earnings that full time work as an employee.

I see this post is already a few months old. Any updates?
 
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WorriedDad

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Quick update:

About 2 months ago, he was fired. His boss told him the team could tell he was miserable and bored and it would "be a disservice to him to keep him there." Still living at home, still hasn't started a business.

After being fired, he started working on an idea for a pre-workout supplement that he swore up and down would sell. He knew his supplements would need to have "Made in USA," GMP, and "Manufactured in an FDA-Approved Facility" stamped on the side, so he contacted contract manufacturers. Most ignored his calls and emails, the few that did respond were way more expensive than he thought they would be. He quickly realized almost all of his savings would be tied up in the business if he wanted quality ingredients and a specific formula, but he refused to try a private label approach. One contract manufacturer almost had him pull the trigger on a private label supplement after telling him a few success stories ("If Arvin Lal of Shredz can do it, so can you"). Got cold feet, but probably for the better.

An old friend of mine is involved in a startup and offered my son a 100% commission sales position last week. He is doing that for now and is in the early stages of an online venture that even I am interested in.

We will see. We're taking it one day at a time and hoping the best for him.

Thanks again for all the support guys.
 

ChickenHawk

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Quick update:
About 2 months ago, he was fired. His boss told him the team could tell he was miserable and bored and it would "be a disservice to him to keep him there." Still living at home, still hasn't started a business.
This is troubling on many levels. IMO, almost everyone hates their jobs and spends much of their working-hours wishing they were somewhere else. It takes a certain level of maturity to go in, do a good job, and be engaged anyway, whether or not your heart is really in it. I know many people, including me, prefer the entrepreneurial route, but IMO, a job can be a real character-builder. The fact he got fired for lack of engagement, to me, shows a troubling lack of self-control. (I can't help but wonder if he would've been more "engaged" if he had rent due or groceries to buy.)

Reading this thread from the beginning, it seems he's had plenty of time and support, and yet has nearly nothing to show for it (not even a long line of failures, where he crashed and burned in spite of working 80 hours a week on his "businesses."). Either he's not motivated, or he doesn't yet have what it takes. Working a crappy, mind-numbing job and living in a crappy, low-rent place can be an excellent motivator.

I wonder how many of the successful people on this forum grew up poor, or with very little parental support. I worked a crappy job to put myself through college and lived in crappy places until I could afford nicer. My husband grew up dirt-poor. As kids, we both knew what it was like to be hungry and worried about money. At the time, it sucked. But I can't help but wonder if that's part of the reason we succeeded in the end. Hunger is a great motivator. I fear that your son, for all his fine qualities, isn't quite hungry enough.

Wanting it isn't enough. He's got to want it AND work his a$$ off.

You sound like great Dad. He's lucky to have you. But if he's not working at least 40 (80 would be better) hours a week on his business (and browsing this forum doesn't really count), it might be time to nudge him out of the nest. Best of luck to both of you!
 
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Jamesdoesmith

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be there for him. I don't know alot about being a father, but at 20 years old I know a hell of alot about watching my own parents. I have seen them take my choices and spin them in a negative light. I have heard my parents during the time I sold life insurance tell me wow....it took how long to make money? You realize that you were is first and only impression of a man. So for you to squish his ideas and dreams...that hurts. That makes him have the team mentality. Is that hero of mine really on my team? boom...I remember the feeling of oh the two wonderful parents all of a sudden becoming the ones I did not care to share ideas with. Why? they would just squish em!! Flipping houses? too risky, no way, couldn't do it. Life insurance? I think a degree would better suit you they prefer older people. The things they believed that were just wrong or impossible slowly became my impossible and wrong. For that reason on this specific journey, they aren't teammates. I know longer "run my ideas" by my parents. Gotta protect the ideas.

Why does he say the things about your profession do you think? cause hes watched you. He has watched you live and react to your line of work. In the same way I have watched my parents huff and puff over bills and complain about rich people or their jobs or always discount shop or going on bargain vacations.

Kids are like little computers. We just watch and gather data and store it in our minds then apply our paint brush to it. He still does that. I still do that.

Do not let your limits automatically become his limits. Passing down limitations. My parents did that.

In another respect. I love some of the things my parents have done. Like nothing is free and having a day job or income of some sort is something you have to have. That is a very big flame in my entrepreneurial fire.

but it failed due to his lack of discipline and determination (and being too scared to pick up the phone and call businesses).

now we are talking. This is areas to work on. This is where progress needs to be made.

Also. Let him work that shitty job. Let that fire burn. Let him get hungry. Let him fail. Every time I knocked out a nice case in life insurance, I always remembered back to busting suds for business mode lawyers who were kinda dicks to the kid behind the counter in Dallas when it was 105 degrees out and the car was so hot the soap didn't even move. Just burned it onto the car. Working for Avis. Let him run with the truth and be humbled. You gotta dig ditches before you can swim in the pool.
 

Jeff Krasnow

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good luck, id say unless you are a sucessful bodybuilder, your supplements wont sell because you have nothing to show for it. I'd recommend finding people who are sucesssful bodybuilders and collaborating with them
 

chicagolimo

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What I can say is 1) you're an amazing father for going out and researching and putting so much time into helping him. Knowing simply that you have your parents backing you up can help a great deal. Encouragement goes a LONG WAY. My boss owns a Chicago Party Bus Rental company which he started and runs on his own. When he started he was very young, and he did have the backing of his parents. Now, I can honestly say he has a successful company and is on his way to great things. But simply knowing his family was there to encourage him and help him make the right decisions I'm sure gave him wings. Keep encouraging him. Always give him your input. Try to use only constructive criticism. Never tell him he can't do it. Keep up the good work . :)

edit : link removed (vigilante)
 
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ToddD

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@WorriedDad I know I'm late to the party on this but I'm just joined the community and just finished reading TMF. I scanned thru the comment on this thread and didn't see this option, so I figured I'd mention it. Seeing as your son has a nice savings (if he hasn't spent it on the supplement route yet), what if he followed the GOLD steps in this post below:

STOP Paying Rent: Live For Free
https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/stop-paying-rent-live-for-free.51893/

I'm working on this for my family now and only WISH that I had read it when I was young and single. He could get that started and have the housing situation cared for and be out of your house and still have time to work on his ideas.
 
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jason91

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Quick update:

About 2 months ago, he was fired. His boss told him the team could tell he was miserable and bored and it would "be a disservice to him to keep him there." Still living at home, still hasn't started a business.

After being fired, he started working on an idea for a pre-workout supplement that he swore up and down would sell. He knew his supplements would need to have "Made in USA," GMP, and "Manufactured in an FDA-Approved Facility" stamped on the side, so he contacted contract manufacturers. Most ignored his calls and emails, the few that did respond were way more expensive than he thought they would be. He quickly realized almost all of his savings would be tied up in the business if he wanted quality ingredients and a specific formula, but he refused to try a private label approach. One contract manufacturer almost had him pull the trigger on a private label supplement after telling him a few success stories ("If Arvin Lal of Shredz can do it, so can you"). Got cold feet, but probably for the better.

An old friend of mine is involved in a startup and offered my son a 100% commission sales position last week. He is doing that for now and is in the early stages of an online venture that even I am interested in.

We will see. We're taking it one day at a time and hoping the best for him.

Thanks again for all the support guys.
What a great dad. You've got great receptiveness that I wish my father had.

The moment I disagree with a word out of my dad's mouth he just starts saying - "that's my feedback, take it or leave it".

At least you seem to talk with your son in a two-sided conversation where things are explained. Lol
 

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oimate

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I started later in life at the age of 37. Without a safety net, I was able to leave my good paying job three years later..
Hi Steve, I am about to turn 36 next month and whilst I've maintained continual employment since I was 18 I know that I have never fulfilled my potential and despite having a grand 'Manager' position at the minute I am essentially and pretty much always have been a paper pushing adminstrator.

When you began your journey at 37 did you have a particular skill/niche that you had built over the past 18 years or was your business completely different to what you had been doing?

PS Not wanting to hijack this thread-so apologies if anyone thinks I am:p
 

SteveO

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I did not have any specific skills. General life/work experience helped me. Skills help but grit and determination odds the key.
 

OldFaithful

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I wonder how this turned out for @WorriedDad and his son? Any updates?

I fear it didn't turn out well...a measure of success would likely have brought father and/or son back to the forum for some "atta boys" or to just say "thanks".
 

MJ DeMarco

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I wonder how this turned out for @WorriedDad and his son? Any updates?

I fear it didn't turn out well...a measure of success would likely have brought father and/or son back to the forum for some "atta boys" or to just say "thanks".
Once the SCRIPT grabs a hold, getting free is nearly impossible.
 

Iwokeup

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Well, this doctor for one is not beholden to the SCRIPT.

;)

(just referencing my reference - work proceeds apace)
 

G-Man

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I wonder how this turned out for @WorriedDad and his son? Any updates?

I fear it didn't turn out well...a measure of success would likely have brought father and/or son back to the forum for some "atta boys" or to just say "thanks".
I can't believe I had never seen this thread before. Pretty solid. I kinda agree with @ChickenHawk - getting fired like that is kind of a harbinger of deeper problems.
 

GMSI7D

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What would you do if you were his parents?

i would not interfere at all.

later in life, we would prefer to admit that our parents were right and we were wrong : apologizing

than to hate our parents because we were right and they were wrong: regrets

regrets is 100 times more painful than apologizing

my father never forgave his father

and i think i will never forgive my father as well.

let people live their own life because you can't really know the power of revenge
 

zhack

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This is still a great read, I couldn't help but BUMP. Stumbled upon this while reading through the gold threads.
Add me to those wondering how this story end up.

Relationship with family is still important, that's all I can say. Hope @WorriedDad and son read the UNSCRIPTED and Millionaire Fastlane TOGETHER and exchange input here.
 
Last edited:

JourneyToAbundance

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Wow, I'm grateful that I've re-discovered this forum and the excellent threads about living a fulfilling life. The SCRIPT is extremely powerful and that's why we need to have a system in place for protection. This thread is making me think about how I can improve my odds of becoming Unscripted - creating more gold balls in my gumball machine. I've taken @MJ DeMarco's advice in Unscripted and I'm changing my universe - my lifestyle, behavioral routines and taking action.
 

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