The quickest way to feel important... and it needs to stop.

[Kung Fu Steve]

I've debated posting this thread but it's time for me to hop back on my soapbox for a minute and talk psychology again.

One of our human needs is the need for significance. To feel important. Special, unique, different -- to stand out somehow.

It's an important need. Not a want, not a desire -- a NEED.

So hear me: it's not bad.

It's not good, either. It just is.

BUT -- how we fulfill that human need... the VEHICLE we choose to fuel the need of significance can be destructive. Not just to yourself, but to other people as well.

Some people dress certain ways to feel significant, some people get tattoos, piercings, drive a certain kind of car, house, or whatever.

The one that I'm referring to today is called "the tall poppy syndrome"...

Where someone sees someone who's successful and they like to cut them down to size because next to that person, they feel insignificant.

After all, what's easier? To build the tallest building in town or blow up the tallest building?

Well here's the deal, banana peels:

There have been a dozen threads lately (and not that there haven't been in the past), but they are along the lines of:

"Can we talk about Gary Vaynerchuk" and "What do you think about Tai Lopez" and "What is the deal with Tony Robbins" and "Is Tim Ferris a scam" and "I can't stand Elon Musk" and on and on and on and on...

Jesus F*ck.

First -- and this will probably ruin my credibility -- but I work for one of these gentleman. But here's what I see all day every day:

People who have an opinion on someone they've never met, they've never read their books, they've never watched their material, they've never been to one of their events...

They simply talk trash from behind a keyboard to make themselves feel more significant.

It's poisonous.

So many people jump onto this forum for ideas, inspiration, and knowledge -- why not add something to the conversation instead of just "I hate that F*cking guy" ... why!?

And then you hear this bullshit response of "oh no I know all about them" -- do you? Do you REALLY?

Have you met them?

"Well no, but I know a friend who had a roommate who knew someone who once bought that guy's book and he's not a billionaire yet, so F*ck that guy!"

If you're going to argue with anyone's opinion -- including MJ's opinion -- you damn well better have something to back it up.

What ever happened to intelligent people who -- when they disagreed with someone -- they'd go research all about them. Learn what they agree and disagree on and have an intelligent debate about the ideas and how to implement them (if at all)?

I don't enjoy every personal development person out there. I don't agree with every business guru out there. I don't worship anyone in particular.

... But I know what they stand for and what they don't... AND I don't sit around and try to make myself feel better by telling strangers that "they are F*cking stupid for listening to (enter successful entrepreneur here)".

I know these threads are going to pop up occasionally. And I wish the person who posted the thread would do their own research instead of listening to a bunch of negative assholes telling them what they should think.

Like "Elon Musk is a fake and you're an idiot for even thinking he's a successful entrepreneur" -- that stuff (and person) can just F*ck right off.

"Oh I know, I've done my research on him!"

You HAVE!? You really have!? What research is that? You read a Yahoo news article that said he's a tough employer and isn't liked by engineers?

"Well you can do your own research, then you'll know what I know."

Fuuuuuck. Offffff.

I've never used the Rant tag before but I'm very happy I did.

Rant over.

Stepping down from my soap box now.

 

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[Kak]

Thanks for this @Kung Fu Steve

I think a lot of this stems from basic jealousy and grows from there.

For some it comes natural to suppress that emotion... Others struggle with it.

Jealousy is an useless emotion. It does harm. It ruins confidence. It makes people suck.

Those that feel the need to bash people they are jealous of... Learn to be happy for people's success. There is something freeing about genuinely hoping people around you do well instead of competing with them.

 

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[whiz]

It's so much better to just be inspired by shit rather than get jealous and block your mind off to all types of beautiful thoughts.

I recently got back in the gym and I can only put up a 185 lb squat. Right after I did my squat, I saw a guy put up 405 lb (4 plates each side).

I truly felt great for him because I knew he was working for that for a while (presumably, unless he's some freak of nature). I immediately felt a distinct feeling of inspiration and secondhand achievement/happiness through watching him do it.

At that moment, I realized that I no longer had to 'suppress' jealousy and try to squeeze appreciation out of myself (how I used to be). I didn't even feel jealousy for a second. I just thought the whole thing was F*ckin' awesome. Then I went back to my 185 lb and told myself "You could do that too if you just keep showing up".

I can't believe that I used to be a jealous bitch about everything. It's such a losing quality, and it's oftentimes completely delusional. I could have sat there and been like "well, his form is shit" or "he's using a belt, that doesn't count" or "he didn't squat deep enough" etc., but it just would have been a sorry-a$$ attempt to maintain the dignity that I voluntarily gave up by being a bitch.

Just because someone else wins doesn't mean that you lose. There can be multiple winners. You can gain something just like he did. And furthermore, who gives a shit anyway? Life isn't about winner/loser - it's not kindergarten.

When you see another man achieve something greater than you've achieved, stop letting your deeply-ingrained reptilian brain decide how you are to feel. You can use some of your smart monkey-brain stuff to reframe these primitive thoughts into the soil for some way more beautiful thoughts.

F*ck being jealous - be appreciative.

P.S. I want to stress the line I said:

"You could do that too if you just keep showing up."

This notion is oftentimes the difference between a winner and a loser. The winner just kept showing up.

There's a cool quote I heard in my Jiu Jitsu class that goes "A black belt (the 'master' rank) is just a white belt (starting rank) that kept showing up.

It's so simple but so true. He just kept showing up to class - day after day, year after year.

My teacher could absolutely kill me in 20 seconds flat, perhaps with one hand behind his back. But when I was driving to class one day, I was thinking about how maybe 15 or 20 years ago when he started, he was probably absolute dog shit. He definitely got dominated left and right, like 99.99% of white belts do. But to see this dude now, the thought almost didn't compute.

I asked him how he did when he first started. He confirmed it: absolute dog shit.

But look at him now.

Just keep showing up, everyday. Keep showing up to whatever it is that you do, and stop making excuses. And maybe you'll be the 405 squat man or the black belt, or the next Elon, or the Ferrari owner - whatever it is that you want.

But being a bitch and trying to diminish others is just not productive. It has nothing to do with productivity, and is oftentimes the exact opposite. All that time hating 'others' (in actuality: yourself) could be spent showing love to yourself, in the form of education, exercise, mental clarity, action, etc.

So stop looking for a reason that xyzdude sucks and start looking for reasons why you are the shit. If you can't find any, you better start making reasons.

 

[Runum]

You are correct KFS. But it not only happens on this forum, it happens with the workout/health groups, motorsport groups, offroad/overlanding groups, and on any media that a person posts. To me it is a sign of insecurity. Certainly it is not productive and kills intelligent conversation. I also agree, we seem to have lost the ability to disagree and work to find common ground. The rules of civil behavior seem to be changing, not for the better.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

I'd be interested to see how you made this shift too.

I'm very competitive/aggressive, and a little conflict always keeps my fire going.

Makes things fun.

Too much in the past has bit me in the butt though, so have to taper it sometimes.

I've been ultra competitive since I was a kid, too. The whole fighting thing.

... but strangely there was a shift of when I stopped caring so much about me and started caring about WE.

Funny enough if you got through biographies of Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., and dozens of others -- there was a very specific event in their life where they shifted their thinking from "there's only ME here" to "there's only WE here".

They became who we know them as today after that shift happened.

Always fascinating to me.

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

It's like in a recent Elon Musk discussion. OP spent his time creating a thread only to make the point that Musk wasn't a very nice guy.

Okay.

Are you an investor who could potentially get damaged because of that?

Do you work at Tesla and get crapped on by him everyday?

Oh, you're just an internet dude who loves to gossip about him?

Then why does it matter to you that Elon Musk got mad on a board meeting once? Then why do you care about his last marriage?

And who knows if the guy is nice or not? I don't know the guy personally. I don't buy bullshit that one person tells me about someone else. I investigate for myself.

There is a gentleman who was essentially the catalyst for a lot of people flocking over to this forum. He treated some of my friends very poorly. Even after that I was like "well he's probably not that bad of a guy..."

And then I met him... twice...

Yeah, he's a douche.

His wife did apologize to me the second time... so there's that.

Get on the soapbox more often Steve,

And ANOTHER thing...!

What's surprised me after my first year of owning my own business is how much mindset really has to do with success.

I did a good job of blocking out the negativity as I left a cushy job and was "throwing my life away" but I know I'm not perfect and I can continue to improve this upcoming year.

I think most of us are guilty of thinking this way at times, but the key differentiator is being able to quickly identify this bad behavior and work to improve on it. It's just a waste of mental energy that could've been used for better things.

You know what I've always wanted to be a coach. Teaching martial arts and marketing and all the stuff... I just wanted to go learn how to do a thing, do it, and then teach people how I did it.

I'm just fascinated by learning new skills and knowledge and then sharing it with my friends.

"I'm just going to teach PRACTICAL, STEP-BY-STEP instructions on how to do things!"

Well, F*ck.

Several eye-openings later I realized, it's not strategy people are lacking. It's psychology. This forum alone literally has everything you need to become successful in dozens of industries and investments, from real estate to ecommerce to software sales to just about anything...

How many people actually USE it?

And why don't they use it? Because they're afraid. They're insecure. They're worried about what other people think about them. They couldn't possibly ever "take the leap".

20% strategy... 80% psychology.

That's when I started getting into this whole "therapy" and "coaching" idea. Some days it's tough to deal with all the crazies (me included), but the results have been incredible.

 

[GuestUser4aMPs1]

Thanks for this Steve.

Been thinking a lot about how I've filled the need for importance lately, and how toxic it is filling it by putting others down. At its worst it comes out as lash-outs on here toward new users or posts I don't agree with.

...until looking at the textbook definition of keyboard warrior in the mirror.
Then it changes. Guilty as charged with an ego to work on.

 

[GPM]

Get on the soapbox more often Steve, you hit the nail on the head. This is a community where we can BUILD each other and ideas up, not tear them down. If we want a toxic environment we can go visit the youtube comment section or reddit or something.

There is something freeing about genuinely hoping people around you do well instead of competing with them.

This x1000

Surround yourself with people who you want to do better than you. I jump for joy when people in my life do amazing things. If I find myself being jealous of someone else's success or something that they are achieving, I need to seriously sit down and ask myself WTF is going on.

Imagine how amazing your community would be if you all did your best to make sure everyone else did their best. Wow. Now THAT is where I want to be.

 

[Andy Black]

It's so much better to just be inspired by sh*t rather than get jealous and block your mind off to all types of beautiful thoughts.

I recently got back in the gym and I can only put up a 185 lb squat. Right after I did my squat, I saw a guy put up 405 lb (4 plates each side).

I truly felt great for him because I knew he was working for that for a while (presumably, unless he's some freak of nature). I immediately felt a distinct feeling of inspiration and secondhand achievement/happiness through watching him do it.

At that moment, I realized that I no longer had to 'suppress' jealousy and try to squeeze appreciation out of myself (how I used to be). I didn't even feel jealousy for a second. I just thought the whole thing was f*ckin' awesome. Then I went back to my 185 lb and told myself "You could do that too if you just keep showing up".

I can't believe that I used to be a jealous bitch about everything. It's such a losing quality, and it's oftentimes completely delusional. I could have sat there and been like "well, his form is sh*t" or "he's using a belt, that doesn't count" or "he didn't squat deep enough" etc., but it just would have been a sorry-a$$ attempt to maintain the dignity that I voluntarily gave up by being a bitch.

Just because someone else wins doesn't mean that you lose. There can be multiple winners. You can gain something just like he did. And furthermore, who gives a sh*t anyway? Life isn't about winner/loser - it's not kindergarten.

When you see another man achieve something greater than you've achieved, stop letting your deeply-ingrained reptilian brain decide how you are to feel. You can use some of your smart monkey-brain stuff to reframe these primitive thoughts into the soil for some way more beautiful thoughts.

f*ck being jealous - be appreciative.

P.S. I want to stress the line I said:

"You could do that too if you just keep showing up."

This notion is oftentimes the difference between a winner and a loser. The winner just kept showing up.

There's a cool quote I heard in my Jiu Jitsu class that goes "A black belt (the 'master' rank) is just a white belt (starting rank) that kept showing up.

It's so simple but so true. He just kept showing up to class - day after day, year after year.

My teacher could absolutely kill me in 20 seconds flat, perhaps with one hand behind his back. But when I was driving to class one day, I was thinking about how maybe 15 or 20 years ago when he started, he was probably absolute dog sh*t. He definitely got dominated left and right, like 99.99% of white belts do. But to see this dude now, the thought almost didn't compute.

I asked him how he did when he first started. He confirmed it: absolute dog sh*t.

But look at him now.

Just keep showing up, everyday. Keep showing up to whatever it is that you do, and stop making excuses. And maybe you'll be the 405 squat man or the black belt, or the next Elon, or the Ferrari owner - whatever it is that you want.

But being a bitch and trying to diminish others is just not productive. It has nothing to do with productivity, and is oftentimes the exact opposite. All that time hating 'others' (in actuality: yourself) could be spent showing love to yourself, in the form of education, exercise, mental clarity, action, etc.

So stop looking for a reason that xyzdude sucks and start looking for reasons why you are the sh*t. If you can't find any, you better start making reasons.

I had a mate years ago who got super excited if I had a new car, motorbike, job, or whatever. So few people are excited for you that it stands out.

It’s a great thing to be able to express your excitement and sincere well wishes for someone when they do well.

Try it. It’s great fun.

 

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[Real Deal Denver]

Those that feel the need to bash people they are jealous of... Learn to be happy for people's success. There is something freeing about genuinely hoping people around you do well instead of competing with them.

Be happy for their success? ...instead of competing with them?

I do a lot more than that! I compliment them and ask them what they think I should do, or work on, or which direction I need to go.

I'm not only happy for them, I respect and admire them.

I just had a conversation with a cousin of mine that has been in his line of work for 33 years. I had no idea it was that long of a time. After the conversation he confided in me that he should move into training and managing people but he didn't think he could do it anymore (he has already done that for many years). I told him W W What? You don't think you can manage and guide people and give them the benefit of your vast experience? What have you been doing on this phone call for over an hour?

He was going through a difficult time. I'm sorry to see how much it has knocked him down and filled him with self doubt. I'm also amazed by that. I think though - from our conversation - he can now see how much of a valuable resource he truly is. I will be following up with him for additional insight and his opinions on things. I will also be damn sure I drive home the point of how incredibly helpful he is to me.

So you are right. How people can criticize people is amazing to me. Hey, if they guy is/was super successful - then go ahead and look like an idiot trying (and I emphasize that word) to knock him down. I have no problem telling people that either.

I respect most people, because I've found everyone knows a lot about something. Some people though, just are off the graph. Genius material. I have no problem complimenting them on that, and no problem respecting them. I take it much further than that - I consider myself lucky to be able to just be close enough to maybe learn a little bit from them, if I can.

You gotta hang around with higher quality people @Kung Fu Steve. Please add me to your list, and I'll be glad to bestow gratitude and admiration your direction! Any day and every day!

 

[GuestUser4aMPs1]

There is something freeing about genuinely hoping people around you do well instead of competing with them.

I'd be interested to see how you made this shift too.

I'm very competitive/aggressive, and a little conflict always keeps my fire going.

Makes things fun.

Too much in the past has bit me in the butt though, so have to taper it sometimes.

 

[Real Deal Denver]

It's so much better to just be inspired by sh*t rather than get jealous and block your mind off to all types of beautiful thoughts.

I recently got back in the gym and I can only put up a 185 lb squat. Right after I did my squat, I saw a guy put up 405 lb (4 plates each side).

I truly felt great for him because I knew he was working for that for a while (presumably, unless he's some freak of nature). I immediately felt a distinct feeling of inspiration and secondhand achievement/happiness through watching him do it.

At that moment, I realized that I no longer had to 'suppress' jealousy and try to squeeze appreciation out of myself (how I used to be). I didn't even feel jealousy for a second. I just thought the whole thing was f*ckin' awesome. Then I went back to my 185 lb and told myself "You could do that too if you just keep showing up".

I can't believe that I used to be a jealous bitch about everything. It's such a losing quality, and it's oftentimes completely delusional. I could have sat there and been like "well, his form is sh*t" or "he's using a belt, that doesn't count" or "he didn't squat deep enough" etc., but it just would have been a sorry-a$$ attempt to maintain the dignity that I voluntarily gave up by being a bitch.

Just because someone else wins doesn't mean that you lose. There can be multiple winners. You can gain something just like he did. And furthermore, who gives a sh*t anyway? Life isn't about winner/loser - it's not kindergarten.

When you see another man achieve something greater than you've achieved, stop letting your deeply-ingrained reptilian brain decide how you are to feel. You can use some of your smart monkey-brain stuff to reframe these primitive thoughts into the soil for some way more beautiful thoughts.

f*ck being jealous - be appreciative.

P.S. I want to stress the line I said:

"You could do that too if you just keep showing up."

This notion is oftentimes the difference between a winner and a loser. The winner just kept showing up.

There's a cool quote I heard in my Jiu Jitsu class that goes "A black belt (the 'master' rank) is just a white belt (starting rank) that kept showing up.

It's so simple but so true. He just kept showing up to class - day after day, year after year.

My teacher could absolutely kill me in 20 seconds flat, perhaps with one hand behind his back. But when I was driving to class one day, I was thinking about how maybe 15 or 20 years ago when he started, he was probably absolute dog sh*t. He definitely got dominated left and right, like 99.99% of white belts do. But to see this dude now, the thought almost didn't compute.

I asked him how he did when he first started. He confirmed it: absolute dog sh*t.

But look at him now.

Just keep showing up, everyday. Keep showing up to whatever it is that you do, and stop making excuses. And maybe you'll be the 405 squat man or the black belt, or the next Elon, or the Ferrari owner - whatever it is that you want.

But being a bitch and trying to diminish others is just not productive. It has nothing to do with productivity, and is oftentimes the exact opposite. All that time hating 'others' (in actuality: yourself) could be spent showing love to yourself, in the form of education, exercise, mental clarity, action, etc.

So stop looking for a reason that xyzdude sucks and start looking for reasons why you are the sh*t. If you can't find any, you better start making reasons.

Wow.

I'll say one thing. You are miles ahead of your peers in the way you think. And there's NOTHING more important than the way you think. You got it.

All.

Figured out.

Great post. You are going to surprise everyone with what you will do and how far you will go. I have to get some people like YOU on my friends list. I know way too many excuse makers.

YOUR post is a big part of the reason I'm here. Well done! Rep++

 

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[jon.M]

Society has an unhealthy obsession with celebrities and their behaviour these days.

It's like in a recent Elon Musk discussion. OP spent his time creating a thread only to make the point that Musk wasn't a very nice guy.

Okay.

Are you an investor who could potentially get damaged because of that?

Do you work at Tesla and get crapped on by him everyday?

Oh, you're just an internet dude who loves to gossip about him?

Then why does it matter to you that Elon Musk got mad on a board meeting once? Then why do you care about his last marriage?

Elon's job isn't to be a "nice guy" and make you happy. It's to make his companies succeed and please stakeholders.

And the fact that you expect anything else just show's off your sense of entitlement and toxic mindset that in the end only will hurt yourself.

It's like they're struck by the tall poppy syndrome and have to become moral police whose life purpose is to make sure every noteworthy profile acts nice. ("Nice" as in, they act how I want them to act)

But in the end, all they get out of it is wasted time and a deep frustration.

It's just like the outrage culture in general. I have this news app on my phone, and recently a got a notification some male actor deserved to get shit for being a hunter. Apparently it's deemed "problematic" by the behavorial supervisors of mainstream media.

What the hell is that shit?

 

[Joey El]

...talk trash from behind a keyboard to make themselves feel more significant

Yes reminds me MJ made this thread a while back.

IMPORTANT! - Elon Musk stopped by today...

Thanks again will make sure I remember how awesome this place could be...
& maybe discourage replies in junk threads

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

You are correct KFS. But it not only happens on this forum, it happens with the workout/health groups, motorsport groups, offroad/overlanding groups, and on any media that a person posts. To me it is a sign of insecurity. Certainly it is not productive and kills intelligent conversation. I also agree, we seem to have lost the ability to disagree and work to find common ground. The rules of civil behavior seem to be changing, not for the better.

If there ever was a more civil, intelligent, thoughtful person to respond here

 

[GuitarManDan]

Great post, especially a great read as we go into the new year and get ready to take our businesses to the next level.

What's surprised me after my first year of owning my own business is how much mindset really has to do with success.

I did a good job of blocking out the negativity as I left a cushy job and was "throwing my life away" but I know I'm not perfect and I can continue to improve this upcoming year.

I think most of us are guilty of thinking this way at times, but the key differentiator is being able to quickly identify this bad behavior and work to improve on it. It's just a waste of mental energy that could've been used for better things.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

With the exceptions of Malcom Gladwell, Suze Orman and Dave Ramsey... your post is spot on.

Outliers is one of my favorite book (but I guess with dozens of favorites that doesn't say much)!

I clearly don't agree with a lot of Suze Orman's stuff -- and Dave Ramsey has some great stuff but it just doesn't apply to me and my goals... but I did read all their shit to see what I agree with and disagree with.

I was always taught that you read one opinion... and the other opinion... and then decide for yourself

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

The only one you need to be in competition with, or who is your real enemy, and the only one who matters, is the one(s) who created this labor-debt system. Everyone else is a distraction.

The F*ck are you talking about!?

Politics in particular do a great job distracting the sheep. In my opinion, being envious and in competition with everyone, is scripted thinking. It is that brainwashing you got early on in life at school and home. It is making people think their value stems from their performance or what things they buy and own. It is not really hard to get out of this mindset. You simply have to dig deep down and figure out what makes you happy and content in life. If you are struggling with this, it is because the influences that f*cked you up are still there controlling you. They control your life's direction. And for a lot of people this is an unconscious thing.

Just to clarify you think because a young entrepreneur is competitive is because he's brainwashed by politicians?

This is the most nonsensical thing I've read in weeks.

No offense to you, but my experience with people who are envious and competitive and have to win all the time are people I feel like punching in the face.

"No offense but I want to punch you in the face"

They remind me of a kid that their mom told them they were special and they are better than everyone. There are some people that are furious if they are not center of attention and admired by everyone.

So literally I create a post ranting about how people have to tear someone else down to make themselves feel better and you come in here and try to tear someone else down because they don't share your belief systems -- but yet you try to mask it as advice?

Get the F*ck outta here.

 

[rogue synthetic]

@NewManRising , I think your heart is in the right place, but the way you communicated your point has obviously caused some friction.

Why not take that as a good reason to step back, reflect on the feedback, and work on a more patient, considered reply?

I know it's easy to get heated -- hey, they practically built the internet for fights -- but you're undermining your own point by escalating. Don't throw more gas on a fire if you're trying to put it out, you know?

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

Thanks for the thread. I've noticed the same behavior in my "field of expertise". I used to be big into competitive gaming, I used to follow the big names in a "legit" esport and even played at the highest level of another game for various years.

And most people would be exactly as you described: doing their best to make it seem like others were worse than them. I never understood their issue, whenever I met someone else who was as skilled as I was, or better, or even slightly worse, there would be at least something I could learn from them, and vice versa. The same applies in every facet of life. Everyone could teach us something, and we have something to teach to everyone else.

Lately I haven't been putting much effort into the scene, as I have bigger and better plans to follow, but it hasn't changed at all it seems, which saddens me. I try my best to help the newer entries feel at home whenever I can, but it's a hard task for someone who isn't even a top competitor anymore. I thought this was the case because of the younger demographic of the competitors (they want to look big and tough), but judging by this thread I am wrong, and this plague is a problem everywhere.

How can we solve the issue? I'm noticing that people who spend a reasonable amount of time with me tend to be a little nicer than others, so ideally this whole "enjoying other people's success and display of skills" will spread around. I am not a great person by any mean yet (there's still a lot of work to do, thankfully), but I will change my way of thinking, and influence the people around me to do so as well.

I'm guessing you're far more humble about your skills than you're letting on

But the whole point is this:

EVERYONE *needs* significance. That isn't going away anytime soon.

How you achieve that significance is the key. Is it empowering or destructive?

Our friend up above here (who is already ignored) -- gains his significance by telling people how it is. And lots of people do that.

"I know more about this thing than you do, therefore I'm important."

And they'll try to flaunt it everywhere "do you even know the Rothschilds own the planet!? You're just a F*cking slave which is why you're so competitive."

I'm teasing a bit here because of how silly his responses were in this thread (and others) but, jesus, it is a PERFECT example of someone trying to pretend they are superior to someone else just so they can feel significant.

Of course it's wrong to judge a certain kind of person but if we just use the "stereotypical video game player" we can probably assume they were fairly introverted, didn't get into sports, didn't get the attention for other things -- so they started to get attention (significance) through something they were good at: video games.

Nothing wrong with that.

But then they see other people taunting, teasing, talking shit, and somewhere in their mind (whether true or untrue) they start to associate "if I behave that way, I'll be important, too".

Which is why role models as so important.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Here's what always outshines everything: love.

When you just put love out there over and over and over, it always makes an impact.

If you're the type of person who always finds the good in someone else (and that's all people truly want, is to be noticed), that'll make just as much of an impact (if not more) than tearing someone down and trying to be funny.

 

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[Bearcorp]

Here here

 

[BlackMagician]

Good Rant! Off to learn and add values in other life.

 

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[MTEE1985]

and this will probably ruin my credibility

What credib....On a serious note, great post once again. Hard to believe we get free thoughts and insights from somebody who was trained by literally the best personal development teacher in history.

My add to the OP is that it reminds me of something I heard recently from Dean Graziosi that has helped re-shape my thoughts. People that bitch and moan about other people or stupid shit need bigger problems.

You will never be successful if you spend your time and effort chastising those more successful than you, or worrying about the a-hole who cut you off in traffic. People with big problems don’t care and they also aren’t fighting over crumbs at the bottom with a million other people.

So many of these threads will have ZERO bearing on your current or future success. Before posting them or responding to them ask yourself “how will this benefit me or others” what benefit will I get from asking if Musk is a fraud or who the richest person on the forum is etc.

P.s. My apologies for any past stupid posts!

 

[JG17]

Thank you for this post @Kung Fu Steve, I really enjoyed it and your message is very important.

I agree, the internet and social media generation has lost the art of intelligent debate and has moved towards mindlessly flaming people they know little about. I worry it will get worse before it gets better, but as tradition dictates with success comes envy and with envy comes hatred.

Imagine if everyone was able to block out all the bullshit and focus entirely on themselves. How much more could they achieve?

 

[Vigilante]

Outliers is one of my favorite book (but I guess with dozens of favorites that doesn't say much)!

I clearly don't agree with a lot of Suze Orman's stuff -- and Dave Ramsey has some great stuff but it just doesn't apply to me and my goals... but I did read all their sh*t to see what I agree with and disagree with.

I was always taught that you read one opinion... and the other opinion... and then decide for yourself

I enjoyed Outliers.

 

[NewManRising]

I'd be interested to see how you made this shift too.

I'm very competitive/aggressive, and a little conflict always keeps my fire going.

Makes things fun.

Too much in the past has bit me in the butt though, so have to taper it sometimes.

The only one you need to be in competition with, or who is your real enemy, and the only one who matters, is the one(s) who created this labor-debt system. Everyone else is a distraction. Politics in particular do a great job distracting the sheep. In my opinion, being envious and in competition with everyone, is scripted thinking. It is that brainwashing you got early on in life at school and home. It is making people think their value stems from their performance or what things they buy and own. It is not really hard to get out of this mindset. You simply have to dig deep down and figure out what makes you happy and content in life. If you are struggling with this, it is because the influences that F*cked you up are still there controlling you. They control your life's direction. And for a lot of people this is an unconscious thing.

No offense to you, but my experience with people who are envious and competitive and have to win all the time are people I feel like punching in the face. They remind me of a kid that their mom told them they were special and they are better than everyone. There are some people that are furious if they are not center of attention and admired by everyone.

 

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[Madame Peccato]

Thanks for the thread. I've noticed the same behavior in my "field of expertise". I used to be big into competitive gaming, I used to follow the big names in a "legit" esport and even played at the highest level of another game for various years.

And most people would be exactly as you described: doing their best to make it seem like others were worse than them. I never understood their issue, whenever I met someone else who was as skilled as I was, or better, or even slightly worse, there would be at least something I could learn from them, and vice versa. The same applies in every facet of life. Everyone could teach us something, and we have something to teach to everyone else.

Lately I haven't been putting much effort into the scene, as I have bigger and better plans to follow, but it hasn't changed at all it seems, which saddens me. I try my best to help the newer entries feel at home whenever I can, but it's a hard task for someone who isn't even a top competitor anymore. I thought this was the case because of the younger demographic of the competitors (they want to look big and tough), but judging by this thread I am wrong, and this plague is a problem everywhere.

How can we solve the issue? I'm noticing that people who spend a reasonable amount of time with me tend to be a little nicer than others, so ideally this whole "enjoying other people's success and display of skills" will spread around. I am not a great person by any mean yet (there's still a lot of work to do, thankfully), but I will change my way of thinking, and influence the people around me to do so as well.

 

[ShamanKing]

Thank You!

 

[whiz]

Wow.

I'll say one thing. You are miles ahead of your peers in the way you think. And there's NOTHING more important than the way you think. You got it.

All.

Figured out.

Great post. You are going to surprise everyone with what you will do and how far you will go. I have to get some people like YOU on my friends list. I know way too many excuse makers.

YOUR post is a big part of the reason I'm here. Well done! Rep++

Thanks dude - you've definitely shown me love here and I appreciate that.

I'm just trying to do something productive with my life, lol.

And don't worry - 99% of the people around me have the "excuse mindset" - it's just the default mindset for most people (at least where I grew up).

The entrepreneur road is a real lonely one...

That's why I love coming here.

 

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[Hijena1]

I've been ultra competitive since I was a kid, too. The whole fighting thing.

... but strangely there was a shift of when I stopped caring so much about me and started caring about WE.

Funny enough if you got through biographies of Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., and dozens of others -- there was a very specific event in their life where they shifted their thinking from "there's only ME here" to "there's only WE here".

They became who we know them as today after that shift happened.

Always fascinating to me.

Well, thank you for pointing this out!