The Price of Happiness

[Almantas]

Hi guys,

Today I reflected on my 2 year bloody battle with chronic depression and the question popped up into my head, "was I unhappy, because I was depressed or was I depressed, because I was unhappy?".

So, I have analyzed how I've spent those 2 years living with depression and what changes helped me distance myself from a depression. I realized that one of the biggest changes I've made was deciding to become happy and depression has been slowly disappearing ever since.

Yeah, I am 25 and am not a millionaire yet. A year ago I would have beaten myself down because of it. Today, I am thankful for what I have and that is health, friends, a country that offers plenty of opportunities to become a millionaire and self-awareness. Yeah, I would love to be a millionaire - but you know what? I am equally happy now.

In the age of consumerism most people see happiness in material things. "Oh, if I only had a new Mercedes or that shiny Audi with all them mods", "Oh, if I only had a mansion in a Miami and €10m in a bank account, I would finally be happy!". That's a bullshit nonsense. Physical things can not determine your level of happiness, your brain doesn't fuarkin' know how much money you have in your bank account, what car you're driving or what house you are living in. The only thing your brain knows is when you're happy and that is when you tell your brain that you are.

You could be broke guy in a beat up Lada but send signals of happiness to your brain. And guess what? You would be happy. Similarly, you could be a rich guy in a top of a range Mercedes and send signals of negativity and sadness to your brain, because your mate has just bought a Rolls Royce. And guess what? You would be miserable and sad.

I know, many of you already know that, but I hope this post helps at least one fellow human being in realizing that you can decide to be happy from now. You don't need shiny toys to be happy. By the way, most people try to fill a void of negativity by buying shiny toys, but you know what? Some of them are still miserable - because they keep sending signals of negativity and sadness to their brain and brain helps those signals manifest in real life by making a person sad and miserable.

This post is all over the place, but I hope you get the point I am trying to make: The price of happiness can be as high or as low as you decide it to be. For some it could be €10m and a Rolls Royce with a mansion, for others it could be a healthy family and happy kids.

 

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[PureA]

A real increase in happiness came for me when I realised/read/internalised that I literally have everything I could ever want/need.

"I want the car so I get the girl so I can feel xyz"

You can feel xyz as soon as you decide.

It's just a feeling, and that feeling is available the second you decide it is.

Sure, I still have them days but about 95% of the time I am happy.

Gratitude has also been huge. It's one of them things that sounds lame, you've heard it 10000x, but. it. works.

Think of it as gym for the mind, if that helps.

I meditate too (which I believe to be as near to a 'magic pill' as there is) but ra ra ra don't want to ramble. Happy to discuss the topic if anyone would like.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400077427/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20 is a great book too if you're up for a little read.

I believe, and see (my bank account shows me!!) that when I work from a base level of happiness and then 'do the work' the output is so much better.

The narrative of hustle hustle hustle, no sleep, grind it out, just doesn't do it for me...

But, do you.

 

[Almantas]

A real increase in happiness came for me when I realised/read/internalised that I literally have everything I could ever want/need.

"I want the car so I get the girl so I can feel xyz"

You can feel xyz as soon as you decide.

It's just a feeling, and that feeling is available the second you decide it is.

Sure, I still have them days but about 95% of the time I am happy.

Gratitude has also been huge. It's one of them things that sounds lame, you've heard it 10000x, but. it. works.

Think of it as gym for the mind, if that helps.

I meditate too (which I believe to be as near to a 'magic pill' as there is) but ra ra ra don't want to ramble. Happy to discuss the topic if anyone would like.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400077427/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20 is a great book too if you're up for a little read.

I believe, and see (my bank account shows me!!) that when I work from a base level of happiness and then 'do the work' the output is so much better.

The narrative of hustle hustle hustle, no sleep, grind it out, just doesn't do it for me...

But, do you.

I love your perception of happiness and hustle. By the way, thanks for book recommendation - already placed an order with bookdepository (owned by Amazon btw,lol).

 

[Ninjakid]

Today I reflected on my 2 year bloody battle with chronic depression and the question popped up into my head, "was I unhappy, because I was depressed or was I depressed, because I was unhappy?".

I came to the same dilemma when I was at my low points. I never found the answer really.

So I few months ago when I felt paralyzed by these thoughts, I told myself to stop thinking about this pointless question, go lift some weights, hit the heavy bag, and take an ice cold shower. Suddenly I didn't care about all the other shit I thought was wrong anymore

Depression is a motherfcker. I tried talking to it with kind words, but I don't think it's receptive. So now I just beat the shit out of it and it seems to learn that way. Nothing beats the shit out of depression like action.

In the age of consumerism most people see happiness in material things. "Oh, if I only had a new Mercedes or that shiny Audi with all them mods", "Oh, if I only had a mansion in a Miami and €10m in a bank account, I would finally be happy!". That's a bullshit nonsense. Physical things can not determine your level of happiness, your brain doesn't fuarkin' know how much money you have in your bank account, what car you're driving or what house you are living in. The only thing your brain knows is when you're happy and that is when you tell your brain that you are

Shiny things don't bring fulfillment, but fulfillment brings shiny things

 

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[Almantas]

Depression is a motherfcker. I tried talking to it with kind words, but I don't think it's receptive. So now I just beat the shit out of it and it seems to learn that way. Nothing beats the shit out of depression like action.

Completely agreed. Depression is like a poor performer who needs an audience. Without an audience it simply goes to bedroom and takes a long nap. A nap, because depression is always there, it's an energy, it's part of us - it can only be controlled, but not fully eliminated. That's my 2c anyways.

 

[Zarathustra]

Depression and relative poverty are a bitch. Even though you live in the richest most prosperous societies of all time if you can read this, there's still a ton of shit you are forced to eat in order to eventually eat caviar.

It sounds like you don't care about the millionaire gig, nice cars, etc and see it as a thinly veiled way to impress others. Whatever floats you boat bro. It's important to know deep down what you care about (aka your values). For me, it's about the money and also the person I become in the process, the skills and strength of mind I gain and also what I create for the world/others. That's why I work and wake up every morning. Find what that is for you.

go lift some weights, hit the heavy bag, and take an ice cold shower. Suddenly I didn't care about all the other shit I thought was wrong anymore

This is essentially the best advice you'll get for fighting depression. I dare you to try to feel depressed after a F*cking grueling workout or an ice cold shower/bath. I'll add, Nofap/Pornfree (see /r/Nofap and /r/pornfree) to this list too. Try feeling sad after a month without porn or jacking off. A few other things to look into would be proper nutrition (The Ultra Mind Solution book) and meditation (Power of Now, Practicing Mind).

With this knowledge, depression is manageable and ultimately your choice. Everything is your choice. Now go out and crush it.

 

[Almantas]

It sounds like you don't care about the millionaire gig, nice cars, etc and see it as a thinly veiled way to impress others.

Of course I want nice cars, lovely house and other cool toys, but I am not attaching my happiness to them. They will be like little sprinkles on my already present happiness. I am not saying toys won't add any happiness at all, because they will - I am only saying that it's not worth convincing your brain that you'll only be happy when these toys are purchased. IMO we should decide to be happy at all times, every - single - day and be even more happy when each of your desired toys is finally yours to keep.

 

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[Zarathustra]

Of course I want nice cars, lovely house and other cool toys, but I am not attaching my happiness to them. They will be like little sprinkles on my already present happiness. I am not saying toys won't add any happiness at all, because they will - I am only saying that it's not worth convincing your brain that you'll only be happy when these toys are purchased. IMO we should decide to be happy at all times, every - single - day and be even more happy when each of your desired toys is finally yours to keep.

Alright I got you now. Yeah this is very smart and the ideal mode to be functioning in and what most very successful people function in too (see Richard Branson, Bill Gates, etc). I recently came up with a a nice metaphor for what you're describing actually.

Your mode of functioning in life should be like: "The party is awesome right now but more stuff would make it even better." instead of "The party sucks until I get X".

Winners/value creators have the former, most losers/value takers have the latter. I'm not just saying this shit to be all kumbaya, hippy dippy. Study winners and people who've impacted the world, see what their mindset was like on the rise up. Study losers and people who've f*cked up themselves and the world. See their mindset and what it was like in their life.

 

[lewj24]

But if you are 100% happy then why go through the hardships of becoming a millionaire? Don't you need a bit of unhappiness to push you towards your goals? Ex: The FTE.

 

[Zarathustra]

But if you are 100% happy then why go through the hardships of becoming a millionaire? Don't you need a bit of unhappiness to push you towards your goals? Ex: The FTE.

Language is often too limited to describe things properly. There's so many shades of gray to something like this that you really have to experience it to get it. But let me try regardless.

If you say right now "I'm happy!" and then proceed to sit around all day, you'd just be lying to yourself and repressing your depression. But if you're beating the shit out of yourself and saying "I'm not happy and won't be til I get my chrome lambo", you're also lying to yourself and repressing your happiness. Both are unhealthy, both will slow down your progress, and the balance is the middle.

 

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[sthubbar]

Hi guys,

Today I reflected on my 2 year bloody battle with chronic depression and the question popped up into my head, "was I unhappy, because I was depressed or was I depressed, because I was unhappy?".

Almantas, thank you for the sharing. I like it.

 

[Deleted50669]

Hi guys,

Today I reflected on my 2 year bloody battle with chronic depression and the question popped up into my head, "was I unhappy, because I was depressed or was I depressed, because I was unhappy?".

So, I have analyzed how I've spent those 2 years living with depression and what changes helped me distance myself from a depression. I realized that one of the biggest changes I've made was deciding to become happy and depression has been slowly disappearing ever since.

Yeah, I am 25 and am not a millionaire yet. A year ago I would have beaten myself down because of it. Today, I am thankful for what I have and that is health, friends, a country that offers plenty of opportunities to become a millionaire and self-awareness. Yeah, I would love to be a millionaire - but you know what? I am equally happy now.

In the age of consumerism most people see happiness in material things. "Oh, if I only had a new Mercedes or that shiny Audi with all them mods", "Oh, if I only had a mansion in a Miami and €10m in a bank account, I would finally be happy!". That's a bullshit nonsense. Physical things can not determine your level of happiness, your brain doesn't fuarkin' know how much money you have in your bank account, what car you're driving or what house you are living in. The only thing your brain knows is when you're happy and that is when you tell your brain that you are.

You could be broke guy in a beat up Lada but send signals of happiness to your brain. And guess what? You would be happy. Similarly, you could be a rich guy in a top of a range Mercedes and send signals of negativity and sadness to your brain, because your mate has just bought a Rolls Royce. And guess what? You would be miserable and sad.

I know, many of you already know that, but I hope this post helps at least one fellow human being in realizing that you can decide to be happy from now. You don't need shiny toys to be happy. By the way, most people try to fill a void of negativity by buying shiny toys, but you know what? Some of them are still miserable - because they keep sending signals of negativity and sadness to their brain and brain helps those signals manifest in real life by making a person sad and miserable.

This post is all over the place, but I hope you get the point I am trying to make: The price of happiness can be as high or as low as you decide it to be. For some it could be €10m and a Rolls Royce with a mansion, for others it could be a healthy family and happy kids.

To a large extent I've experienced all of this. Three years ago I sold my car ("I don't need material things, I have everything I could ever want"). At one point I got heavily into stoicism, which is literally the philosophical art of not giving a f*ck (this is notably when I almost dropped out of grad school). I even thought about becoming buddhist, which is a religion in which it is taboo to give a f*ck. At some point I realized I was evading the fact that I wasn't willing to invest effort because I didn't have a vision for myself. I had been acting to fulfill someone else's dream; which is coincidentally what employees do daily.

When you flush out a vision that is uniquely yours it prompts validated action. While MJ can lay out the what and how, only you can figure out the why. When you figure out the why it gives you the mental resilience to fail and continue, because you're failing and continuing for something beyond the baseline of riches. In my brief time on this thread I've had my a$$ handed to me due to my shortsightedness. However, I can't quit or get discouraged because my vision is too strong. I hope you find your vision, because it will lift you up like a crane.

 

[Almantas]

But if you are 100% happy then why go through the hardships of becoming a millionaire? Don't you need a bit of unhappiness to push you towards your goals? Ex: The FTE.

I see your point, what I am trying to say is that being unhappy is your own choice and doesn't require millions in bank account to be happy. If being unhappy motivates you to push harder, use it to your advantage then.

I prefer enjoying every bit of process, from making my bed to hustling until 3am - from now on, I see a unique beauty even by looking straight into demon's eye - I see a beauty, because I decide it's beautiful and not vice versa.

If I fail - I'll fail with a smile on my face.
If I win - I'll win with a smile on my face.

Being happy is a simple choice.

P.s.: ask yourself this: would you rather hang around someone who's always grumpy and salivates for more cash or around someone who's not yet successful, but is positive, encouraging and is hustling his a$$ off to gain financial freedom?

 

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[Guest24480]

But if you are 100% happy then why go through the hardships of becoming a millionaire? Don't you need a bit of unhappiness to push you towards your goals? Ex: The FTE.

You're mistaking happiness for complacency. With that logic, you're tying your happiness to your net worth which is exactly what the OP is advising against.

 

[lewj24]

You're mistaking happiness for complacency. With that logic, you're tying your happiness to your net worth which is exactly what the OP is advising against.

Ok. I see what you're saying.

You should be 100% happy because you know each day you are striving for your dreams and improving. Even if your life is shit you should be happy that you are working hard/have the opportunity to improve it.

aka enjoy the process?

 

[LPPC]

Glad that you are getting happier buddy, it's the ultimate goal. Better said, happiness is the basic need of life instead of the ultimate goal, as Sadhguru says. You can't live without.

A good book on happiness is ''The Happiness hypothesis'' where he tests ancient knowledge and theories about happiness against scientific studies on happiness.

Basically your happiness set point is genetically determined, but you can optimize it by a lot through for example meditation, exercise and good social relationships. Good social relationships has been an eye opener for me, I've found it to be very true. And indeed, more money doesn't necessarily equal more happiness.

For meditation I recommend Sadhguru, Osho and Gurdjieff and combine them.

 

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[Guest24480]

Ok. I see what you're saying.

You should be 100% happy because you know each day you are striving for your dreams and improving. Even if your life is shit you should be happy that you are working hard/have the opportunity to improve it.

aka enjoy the process?

Pretty much. Let the thought that you're improving day by day and giving it your all be your main source of happiness - not your actual predicament, which is out of your control in the present moment barring the actual effort you put into finding a way out of it.

To revert back to the OP's original topic of discussion, in terms of overcoming depression and anxiety the best way to do so is to take away the power it has over you. The more you fight it and try to find a way out, the more power it will harness. Instead of fighting it, tell yourself that it's okay to feel this way and that it doesn't bother you. You'll start to feel better almost instantly. Seriously, try it out. This one positive mantra alone saved my life.

 

[Ninjakid]

Completely agreed. Depression is like a poor performer who needs an audience. Without an audience it simply goes to bedroom and takes a long nap. A nap, because depression is always there, it's an energy, it's part of us - it can only be controlled, but not fully eliminated. That's my 2c anyways.

Yeah I've come to the same conclusion. I used to be on a journey to eliminate it. Now I've accepted that it may be something I have to deal with forever, but I can control it and not let it control me.

 

[stavedeve]

Hi guys,

Today I reflected on my 2 year bloody battle with chronic depression and the question popped up into my head, "was I unhappy, because I was depressed or was I depressed, because I was unhappy?".

So, I have analyzed how I've spent those 2 years living with depression and what changes helped me distance myself from a depression. I realized that one of the biggest changes I've made was deciding to become happy and depression has been slowly disappearing ever since.

Yeah, I am 25 and am not a millionaire yet. A year ago I would have beaten myself down because of it. Today, I am thankful for what I have and that is health, friends, a country that offers plenty of opportunities to become a millionaire and self-awareness. Yeah, I would love to be a millionaire - but you know what? I am equally happy now.

In the age of consumerism most people see happiness in material things. "Oh, if I only had a new Mercedes or that shiny Audi with all them mods", "Oh, if I only had a mansion in a Miami and €10m in a bank account, I would finally be happy!". That's a bullshit nonsense. Physical things can not determine your level of happiness, your brain doesn't fuarkin' know how much money you have in your bank account, what car you're driving or what house you are living in. The only thing your brain knows is when you're happy and that is when you tell your brain that you are.

You could be broke guy in a beat up Lada but send signals of happiness to your brain. And guess what? You would be happy. Similarly, you could be a rich guy in a top of a range Mercedes and send signals of negativity and sadness to your brain, because your mate has just bought a Rolls Royce. And guess what? You would be miserable and sad.

I know, many of you already know that, but I hope this post helps at least one fellow human being in realizing that you can decide to be happy from now. You don't need shiny toys to be happy. By the way, most people try to fill a void of negativity by buying shiny toys, but you know what? Some of them are still miserable - because they keep sending signals of negativity and sadness to their brain and brain helps those signals manifest in real life by making a person sad and miserable.

This post is all over the place, but I hope you get the point I am trying to make: The price of happiness can be as high or as low as you decide it to be. For some it could be €10m and a Rolls Royce with a mansion, for others it could be a healthy family and happy kids.

Hey man ... great post. I couldn't agree more. We have all the ability to make our own reality. The great Tony Robbins always says this: what things mean is up to this. Their are some universal truths in the world and once you start to understand them you're can start to change.

 

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[stavedeve]

Glad that you are getting happier buddy, it's the ultimate goal. Better said, happiness is the basic need of life instead of the ultimate goal, as Sadhguru says. You can't live without.

A good book on happiness is ''The Happiness hypothesis'' where he tests ancient knowledge and theories about happiness against scientific studies on happiness.

Basically your happiness set point is genetically determined, but you can optimize it by a lot through for example meditation, exercise and good social relationships. Good social relationships has been an eye opener for me, I've found it to be very true. And indeed, more money doesn't necessarily equal more happiness.

For meditation I recommend Sadhguru, Osho and Gurdjieff and combine them.

While I do acknowledged that genetics do play a role in happiness, it's very important to understand that lifestyle choices almost always trump genticis. As soon as we start to blame our genetics for our happiness, is the second we give up trying. "I am not going try to loose weight anymore, I have bad genetics." The world is full of people like this.

 

[MTF]

My baseline happiness definitely increased when I reached my financial goals, but I'd say it's because of a combination of financial freedom and the skills, habits, and the mindset I had to develop to reach it. Previously, deep down, I didn't consider myself a person capable of launching a successful business or making a lot of money. Now I do, and that tends to make a person feel happier when you consider yourself the master of your fate.

However, I believe that many people vastly overestimate the impact of material things on happiness. The primary reason why I'm happier is because I'm free, not because I drive a Mercedes (I don't) or live in a mansion (I don't).

Also, when people put off feeling happy for later, fooling themselves that they'll be happy when they get X or Y, they forget that life doesn't revolve around money alone. Yes, it does make you happier if you use it wisely, but a rich person can still suffer from health issues (a happiness killer), his or her partner can still cheat on them or otherwise hurt them (another happiness killer), and other bad things they can't easily solve with money can still happen to them. Money might increase your baseline happiness, but don't fool yourself it will solve all your problems or that you'll never feel down again. In the end, we're all human beings and money is but a concept in our heads, not something that changes our nature.

In the end, I think that everybody who wants to become truly happy needs to familiarize themselves with Stoicism and understand that no matter what happens in your life, it's you who gives meaning to the event. Both a poor and a rich guy will suffer equally from, say, a breakup unless one of them has internalized that the negativity of this event is in the eye of the beholder. I'm of the opinion that you can reframe every negative event, i.e. always consider even the worst scenario something that in the end will turn out okay, even if just for the lessons it will teach you.

 

[LPPC]

While I do acknowledged that genetics do play a role in happiness, it's very important to understand that lifestyle choices almost always trump genticis. As soon as we start to blame our genetics for our happiness, is the second we give up trying. "I am not going try to loose weight anymore, I have bad genetics." The world is full of people like this.

I can't say whether it trumps genetics, I'm not qualified to give my opinion on that matter. But absolutely, too many people use the genetics as an excuse.

 

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[Asta]

I can't say whether it trumps genetics, I'm not qualified to give my opinion on that matter. But absolutely, too many people use the genetics as an excuse.

Genetics do play a part, but we shouldn't surrender. Nobody knows the limits of your genetics...probably because there aren't any!

 

[Deleted50669]

In my opinion, and what I hear from other people often, is that happiness happens when your needs are met and you’re living by your values. Heavy emphasis on “your”.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[BeFound Faithful]

Ray Dalio, hedge fund manager of Bridgewater Associates, in his recently published book Principles said something like it doesn’t make sense to have money as the goal because money has no intrinsic value. Its value comes from what it can buy and it can’t buy everything. Its better to start with what you want. Dalio chose to focus on meaningful relationships and meaningful work, core values of his business, and he's done o.k (net worth 17 billion).

Being true to core values connects to happiness.

I believe it.

And I better know what I value most because on the entrepreneur rollercoaster happiness is not exactly riding the front seat.

I don't really see it in either of these pictures Dalio provides with his book except in being true to underlying values.

The entrepreneurial journey is a tough one, but it does mean adventure and it means growth.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

My baseline happiness definitely increased when I reached my financial goals, but I'd say it's because of a combination of financial freedom and the skills, habits, and the mindset I had to develop to reach it.

Ah yes, the journey, not the destination.

The primary reason why I'm happier is because I'm free

Yes, and it's been scientifically proven. Autonomy (freedom) represents 50% of the happiness quotient which is why I push the FREEDOM button. The other things are less controllable.

 

[Deleted21704]

Ray Dalio, hedge fund manager of Bridgewater Associates, in his recently published book Principles said something like it doesn’t make sense to have money as the goal because money has no intrinsic value. Its value comes from what it can buy and it can’t buy everything. Its better to start with what you want. Dalio chose to focus on meaningful relationships and meaningful work, core values of his business, and he's done o.k (net worth 17 billion).

I love Ray Dalio...he's been a big influence on me. I was a big fan of Principles back when it was just a PDF on the Bridgewater site.

But...it always bothers me when fabulously wealthy people say that money isn't a good goal to have. Yeah, looking back, it's easy for anyone with lots of money to say that. But do they really expect us to believe that money wasn't a goal when they were coming up? That they built enormous hedge funds and enormous businesses solely for some greater-good, feel-good, principle-based motive?

Come on.

Greater goals like happiness and meaning are crucial. But happiness doesn't have intrinsic value and it can't buy everything either. A big smile alone doesn't sell cars.

I think many rich people are just ashamed to say that money is a motive for them. Look at interviews where Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are asked what they like to do with all the money they have. They get sheepish and focus on talking about their 'average' life and 'average' cars and other 'average' stuff. GTFOH.

They try too hard to seem 'average'. It's almost as bad as poor people trying to look rich. Just be real. It's not impossible to be proud & show compassion at the same time. People of lesser means do it all the time.

 

[BeFound Faithful]

I love Ray Dalio...he's been a big influence on me. I was a big fan of Principles back when it was just a PDF on the Bridgewater site.

But...it always bothers me when fabulously wealthy people say that money isn't a good goal to have. Yeah, looking back, it's easy for anyone with lots of money to say that. But do they really expect us to believe that money wasn't a goal when they were coming up? That they built enormous hedge funds and enormous businesses solely for some greater-good, feel-good, principle-based motive?

Come on.

Greater goals like happiness and meaning are crucial. But happiness doesn't have intrinsic value and it can't buy everything either. A big smile alone doesn't sell cars.

I think many rich people are just ashamed to say that money is a motive for them. Look at interviews where Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are asked what they like to do with all the money they have. They get sheepish and focus on talking about their 'average' life and 'average' cars and other 'average' stuff. GTFOH.

They try too hard to seem 'average'. It's almost as bad as poor people trying to look rich. Just be real. It's not impossible to be proud & show compassion at the same time. People of lesser means do it all the time.

Got it.

I think he meant not the end-all goal and reason for every decision.

 

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