Simple way to become more extroverted and less socially anxious

[Hadrian9]

This is a simple system to reduce social anxiety and get more confident and present in social situations. I used to be extremely introverted and socially paranoid, never having friends and thinking someone passing by on a walk was judging my every move. I never found the advice "Just be yourself, no one is judging you!" helpful at all, and it's way too wishy washy to actually make progress with. I've been using this for a few months, and it's a drastic difference compared to how I used to be. If you're very introverted and want to become more extroverted and less socially anxious, I guarantee this will help.

However your social skills are right now, assume your level 0 with 0 points.

Every time you greet someone, add 5 points.
Every time you have small talk with someone, add 10 points.
Every time you hold a conversation with someone, add 20 points.
If you approach someone you find attractive, add 50 points.
If you go to some big social event like a party, add 100 points.

(no, texting does not count)

Set a daily social points goal that makes you uncomfortable. Keep count of your daily points using the calculator app on your phone. Every time you reach 1000 points, you level up.

It's impossible to level up just sitting in your house with an occasional Walmart trip, so put yourself in environments to talk to people. That could be taking a daily walk, joining a sports club, going to community events, whatever you can access.

Yes it's weird to track daily interactions as points and this is very tedious at first. But I promise, this will force you to improve your social skills and get into more social experiences. Your interactions will feel very awkward and forced at first, but it's so worth it. Life is infinitely better when you're socially connected with other people.

I also recommend to check out the earlier chapters in the book Charisma Myth. The mental tactics there work incredibly well.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[DavidePaco00]

If you go to some big social event like a party, add 100 points.

Man , You catch my achille's heel hahaha

I 'v suffered from social anxiety all my life, going to parties has always been my nightmare... especially with people of my age... Yes I had a pretty disappointing teenagewood, had both anxietys and anger disorders, done a lot of crazy stuff, also because I realized that utnil 19 years old You still got that need to fit in with your peers and since I hadn't the social skills to do that, I was frustrated.

If You feel inferior to others it's probably because you met people that are not similar to you.

For example, I like martial arts, psychology , philosophy and progressive rock , so I don't have many topics of conversations with many italian guys...

Don't try to see the world in black and white tho, because You're only going to put a wall beetween Yourself and other people.

It's when you see poeple within thir complexity, both their strenghts and weaknesses, that most of Your social anxiety disappears...

Hope that helped

 

[Hadrian9]

If You feel inferior to others it's probably because you met people that are not similar to you.

For example, I like martial arts, psychology , philosophy and progressive rock , so I don't have many topics of conversations with many italian guys...

Don't try to see the world in black and white tho, because You're only going to put a wall beetween Yourself and other people.

It's when you see poeple within thir complexity, both their strenghts and weaknesses, that most of Your social anxiety disappears...

Hope that helped

You have a great way of thinking about it! We tend to categorize people, and that can lead to us feeling split off and unrelated to the world.