Letting friends go..

[Bigguns50]

This is for the people who know they need to let go of friends and acquaintances to travel the Fastland road. I'll try to be brief. I hope it gives you insight.

Over the past 6 months, I've had to let go of people in my life that are stuck in the slowlane, constantly complaining with a million excuses why life sucks and just wasn't going to change for them....why they can't do this or that...and not taking responsibility for where they are right now in their lives.

I let go one friend I worked out with on and off for the past 20 yrs, and worked with side by side at a company for 2 yrs. We hung out at sporting events, bars...guy stuff. I never told him directly I couldn't hang with him anymore. I just took longer to return his calls... I told him I was soooo busy I didn't have time to hang out. Now, I don't hear from him. It's sad. He is one of many people I've tried to help over the years but wouldn't help themselves. I can't expend my limited energy and time on someone like that anymore.

I let go an Attorney friend of 20+ yrs. ( yes he's successful but in debt big time and lives the slowlane) This was very difficult because he truly values our friendship. I suppose, depending on the circumstances, if he were to need something, I would be here for him.

There are many acquaintances I've just stopped talking to.

This is all difficult because they are people in my life I care about. Part of me is sad, part is relieved.

BUT...my motivations, the deep emotionally charged reasons I have to live the Fastlane FAR out weigh these friendships and aquaintances. I HAVE PURPOSE.

I've had to explain these changes to my Wife. She understands 100% and is supportive. I am fortunate.

THE POSITIVE.

I've made friends with some incredible people in a short period of time. I've found them by talking "Fastlane talk". If they're on the same page, they love to talk and share what they do, their beliefs and attitudes....It's uplifting.

My Chiropractor of many years....I told him my Fastlane plan..to my surprise he said "I'm glad for you. Finally, your in control of your destiny." That was heavy. He told me if I needed help with anything, to ask him.

One guy I used to work with contacted me and he's started his own business. He's already put me in contact with 2 guys who I'm going to work with to drive traffic to each other's sites.

There are more, but you get the idea.

While in NJ for my Daughter's H.S. graduation, I met a very short, modest looking, elderly Korean woman who had an 'air' of wisdom about her. We were on the subject of violent movies...negative music...and how things that we see and hear truly affect us without us knowing. She padded her hand on her chest and in her slight Korean accent said to me, "It gets into your heart."

I've thought about what she said many times since. I think the same is true about our friends and the people we associate with. They, along with their beliefs, actions, and life styles, get into our hearts.

So, expect your friends and acquaintances to not understand. Expect to feel sad....but only allow it for a minute. Expect negative feedback and 'talk'. Also expect to meet some incredible people. Expect great connections to be made. Expect to succeed while racing in the Fastlane.

 

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[Vick]

I'm going through this right now. And have been for the past year or so.

It was difficult to deal with at first. But over time the choice to leave friends behind me has become easier.

Because there is an upside. And a big one at that.

You find out who your true friends are very quickly. The people who really care about you, and believe in you.

And all you have to do is say one sentence to them.

"Hey bud, I decided I want a better life, I want to be a millionaire".

I know right away after I say this.

If it's negative. Even by facial expression.

Friendship is over. period.

Why?

Because they don't believe in me. So why should I believe in them.

Maybe this is harsh.

But I'm at a point in my life where I can't waste time on people who don't support me.

 

[LibertyForMe]

I have trouble being friends with people that don't like to talk passionately about ideas and plans for the future. I don't care if it business stuff necessarily, but don't relate to people with no plan and no creative future goals who just play video games all the time.

My best friend from high school; we grew up together and he was seriously my best friend in the world, was like that. I just stopped hanging out with him, because it was all my giving to the friendship and him taking. There was no intellectual exchange, no dreaming, so I cut him out.

 

[Bigguns50]

Vick....I'm 100% with you on the 'time' thing. Even if I get 30+ more years....I just don't see it as much time at all. Every moment counts.

 

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[GuestUser8117]

The fastlane seems to be a lonely road, it's part of the game. Every creator, innovator, visionnary has been downed or shrugged a dozen times. First you come up with an idea, people don't believe in it...or you talk about your dreams and they say "you have to be happy with what you have", "be realistic",etc.

 

[socaldude]

Here is my Philosophy:

Living life is easy, anybody can stand there and eat and breath BUT it becomes extremely complicated when you throw OTHER people into the mix. Its kinda like driving a car, anybody can press on the gas and brakes but it becomes a challenge because there are OTHER cars on the road. We affect each other in such profound ways; bad and good.

I study communication a lot and one question that I look at is the question: At what point is a relationship formed?

The answer to that turned out to be as soon as you and the other person know you exist. Relationships are a three party equation. The two people and the relationship itself. The relationship literally takes a life of its own.

When it comes to friends I have a zero tolerance policy. Friendships have the power to influence a certain identity in you. Literally controlling your life. Friends can shoot you into the stars or drag you into the pits of hell. It works both ways.

Just like entrepreneurship if there is no value in both sides of the relationship I refuse to take a part in it. In other words I don't buy your shit in the form of friend reciprocation.

If I find that the friendship is not good for my emotional well being then I simply let the relationship die or I tell you outright that we shouldn't be friends.

 

[100k]

Touching story! I'm happy for you!

It's alway hard to let go of people you care about, but you have to do what you have to do! It's your life!

I remember when I had to say goodbye to my old friends, I was like;

[video=youtube;GOiVYbWJDOA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOiVYbWJDOA[/video]

 

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[Bigguns50]

100K...funny stuff ! You know...I'm well over 40 and MJ's book had such an impact on me that sometimes it's hard getting used to. Especially when most everyone thinks the way I used to. I feel a bit alienated at times...just an adjustment. But...in my experience, some things just make an impact in your life and it changes you for the rest of your life. This is what happened after reading his book.

This forum is really great because you experienced bodies understand and it's good to talk about it sometimes. It's good to read other's experiences.

 

[Astral Explorer]

"All things must come to an end"

At different stages in our lives people will come and go, you just have to accept it. I actually learnt this after meeting so many amazing people who were only living in my city short term. Two years later it's like "Ah, ok I guess our time is up...take care on your own path!!"

 

[Silent Kite]

I was just thinking about this a few days ago. I had an old friend over and we stopped at McDonald's to have lunch. While we were there he was going on and on about the monopoly pieces and wanting to win one of the cash prizes. It made me think of my family, dreaming about winning the lottery so they could be rich. The pipe dreams just don't interest me anymore, my time is better spent actually working on reaching my goals. I'm not shutting down our friendship, he's been supportive of my desire to improve myself, but I can tell he just doesn't understand the fastlane.

Lately I've become acquainted with a new group of people that get it. It's nice to have friends and mentors that you can bounce ideas off of, and its important that the people you spend the majority of your time with are people that build you up.

 

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[andyredsox]

This post is so timely for a lot of people.

It's always good to be surrounded with people but being with positive people can make all the difference.

It's really hard to let people go especially if they've been in your life for so long and have been there though almost all events.

But you have to make a life changing event that could only happen without their limited thinking.

So, what needs to be done must be done.

 

[Get Right]

Yep, one day you look around the bar and say "what the f%$* am I doing here".

 

[JAJT]

Here's a great, great quote from a CHILD from Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers" book on exactly this:

Background before reading: KIPP stands for Knowledge is Power Program, a school in the Bronx that focuses on excellent educational practices at higher standards than other schools, and even does away with the long summer vacation. In short, a school where kids work hard all year round. As such, the school boasts a massively disproportionate success rate compared to other students/schools in the area.

Well, when we first started fifth grade, I used to have contact with one of the girls from my old school, and when*ever I left school on Friday, I would go to her house and stay there until my mom would get home from work. So I would be at her house and I would be doing my home*work. She would never have any homework. And she would say, "Oh, my God, you stay there late." Then she said she wanted to go to KIPP, but then she would say that KIPP is too hard and she didn't want to do it. And I would say, "Everyone says that KIPP is hard, but once you get the hang of it, it's not really that hard." She told me, "It's because you are smart." And I said, "No, every one of us is smart." And she was so discouraged because we stayed until five and we had a lot of homework, and I told her that us having a lot of homework helps us do better in class. And she told me she didn't want to hear the whole speech. All my friends now are from KIPP.

 

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[Tom.V]

I'm in the same boat, but it doesn't bother me one bit. I haven't been out for much of anything in the past 4 months since quitting my job, but I am less than a week from launch and I still have my close friends. That's all that matters.

 

[Michael Raphael]

This is a really important subject. It is weird but I literally lost contact with everyone I knew, and started fresh. The good thing is I am in college, and I have met some great people, but it is a lot harder to find them, that is without a doubt. I think I will grow up and mature with a lot of like-minded people, but I must say it is a journey and must be devastating to lose friends that you have known for 10+ years. Guys if you are going through this, do what I do, occasionally I send them a message, once a month just ping them. Send them a little "ping" to see how they are, let them know you still care, you are just working on yourself. They will understand. If they don't. You have done your part and have tried to be mature. Once you are successful you will have more time to chill with them. But be wary. I have found it common that people (old friends) will only hang out with you cause of your new found wealth. Be wary of this, its sad fact of life, but its reality.

 

[Bigguns50]

JAJT....I believe that is the school Collin Powell spoke at and did a TED program on. It was amazing ! The school was basic...no high tech anything. Cinder block walls. All the kids dressed in causal business attire. If you get a chance, watch it.

When so many kids are in shitty schools and parents don't help or encourage them...it's not surprising we have so many failures.

Ungodly....I've been self-employed (non profit for now..but that will change) for one month. I have so much more energy, I think, because I'm not around bitching, complaining, negative people 8 hrs a day. I'm up at 5:45am and for the next 6 weeks, on the computer working and Skyping by 6:30. I'm working more, but feeling like I'm working less. It's great.

I told my wife I'll never work for anyone again. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm hooked.

 

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[GuestUser8117]

This is a really important subject. It is weird but I literally lost contact with everyone I knew, and started fresh. The good thing is I am in college, and I have met some great people, but it is a lot harder to find them, that is without a doubt. I think I will grow up and mature with a lot of like-minded people, but I must say it is a journey and must be devastating to lose friends that you have known for 10+ years. Guys if you are going through this, do what I do, occasionally I send them a message, once a month just ping them. Send them a little "ping" to see how they are, let them know you still care, you are just working on yourself. They will understand. If they don't. You have done your part and have tried to be mature. Once you are successful you will have more time to chill with them. But be wary. I have found it common that people (old friends) will only hang out with you cause of your new found wealth. Be wary of this, its sad fact of life, but its reality.

True words. Friendships are like flowers, if you don't take care of them they will slowly die.

 

[Ravens_Shadow]

Being that I graduated high school last year, and spoke of my dreams of being a millionaire, I was often frowned upon by other people who thought their big university degrees would automatically make them better than me and everyone else. I had absolutely no problem leaving high school with only one friend. This one friend might not want to be a millionaire himself, but he does support what I want to do and has given me ideas to pursue or solve.

 

[tormat]

I have been pulling away from the old friends for some time now, my trouble is finding people that share my way of thinking. I live in a very rural area so there are not a lot of thinkers here... it gets lonely at times.

 

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[Bigguns50]

Tormat...it's also lonely in the City where I live. There are a LOT of people around here but how to find the thinkers and doers...I don't know. I have 3 people I talk to fairly regular who are of the mind set. All are successful and whenever we have lunch or whatever together it's like a breath of fresh air.

It is weird that the business I'm about to launch is related to the industry I worked in, and that's where I met all three guys. It's an entertainment industry and I always asked guys what the did for a living. I knew the money they were spending so figured they might be good contacts.

Now that I'm thinking of it....maybe you should go where you think the wealthy go. There's a fitness place here that's about $700/yr. It's not the most expensive, but definitely not the cheapest. I did meet business owners there about 3 yrs ago when I was a member.(Before the book).

Is there a place like that where you live ? Golf course maybe...Or, work at a place where they go..even better. That's what I did.

 

[Michael Raphael]

Big guns, you are simply living in the minset "dress how you want to.... bla hblah blah" Associating yourself with wealthy, entrepreneurs that want to succeed, etc... does not and should not cost you 700$ to be a member. What you need to do is find these people at other points. Be social. I may be considered a "freek" countless of my friends call me "weird as F*ck" because I approach people during the day all the time. I don't care? If I think a person is of my interest I will approach them and talk to them, see what they are about, and perhaps form a relationship after that. You would not believe the amount of people I have met that now have contributed to my life because of that.

Everyone you see, even the person walking down the road to get milk, can benefit your life, instead of walking past them, perhaps draw up a conversation. What's the worse that can happen, he/she says no I have to go. Okay, next! You will live. Trust me.

 

[tormat]

Michael, great aditude!

 

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[Will B. Rich]

Wow - what a great, helpful, and most of all reassuring thread!

Like many of you guys I've struggled with this aspect of my life since I embarked on my fastlane journey.

Ever since I gained the new perspective on time it's been really difficult for me to justify spending that time on things other than my goals. I have no desire to be out talking about working on a start up until it actually launches and succeeds. Lots of my friends think I'm nuts and that I should just go out to the bar, stay out until 2am, and life like a sidewalker since I'm 22.

That won't give me independence or wealth and it will just make me wish I was home executing my fastlane ideas instead of action faking by telling slowlaners and sidewalkers at the bar about my big plans during bar shenanigans... or even worse... just smiling and pretending I'm having a great time when I'm really not (classic sidewalkian move!).

The truth is that I don't want to be back to the bar until I have a business that's generating the money to pay for drinks while I'm buying drinks.

Thankfully I've had some moderate success at spending time with my friends in productive ways. I went to the library with a friend yesterday and am pretty much always down to go out if it involves physical activity (beach, gym, park).

Until I'm in the fastlane this thread and this whole community are both awesome tools and have really helped me realize I'm not alone in this journey. Thanks guys!