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Is Marriage Part of the Script?

ShadowX

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Marriage isn't just a piece of paper or one night swing. It's called being human. We find a partner, have kids etc lol.

Marriage is amazing relationship between 2 people, best friends, life long partners etc.

I would say the FASTLANE in marriage is loving romantic marriage which is definition of success.

SLOWLANERS/HATERS = Oh it's not possible, this is a fairy tale. Your just watching too much movies. These guys complain about marriage, and have unfulfilled marriage themselves without putting any effort.

FASTLANE = It's defo possible with hard work, marriage is an empty box, you get what you put in. Grind put in effort in making your marriage a success, go the extra mile, give her box of surprise roses, it will all pay off.

That's my definition of it anyway haha.
 
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The-J

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Yes. Marriage is part of the SCRIPT. Same with kids. They are hyperrealities. The very institution of marriage is a hyperreality. But...

...just because it's part of the SCRIPT doesn't mean it's bad.

Think of a shitty movie like Glengarry Glen Ross. There's one scene in there that won many awards. You all know the scene.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4PE2hSqVnk


The rest of the movie... is not worth watching.

This was a part of the SCRIPT of that movie. It's excellent.

And yet even so... some people don't like it! They don't find value in it, they don't see it as gripping or captivating, and they'd rather not watch it.

Just like marriage and kids, this scene is not for everyone. You like it or you don't.
 

Richard Greene

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I've been pondering this question for a while now, and recently had a conversation with a group of friends.

Is Marriage Part of the Script?

Most of the people in my group are millennials, with a mix of entrepreneurs as well as slow laners. We had a very interesting conversation on our views about being married and the whole marriage system.

All of us have grown up in a society where ever since we were born, marriage is a goal. The origins and history of marriage make sense and worked in a different time period, but in modern society, I do not a concrete purpose for marriage unless it is for religious or tax purposes.

I've always been of the opinion that I do not need a piece of paper to dictate how committed I am to a person. People argue that it "makes it harder to separate, therefore you are more prone to work things out." Yet, we live in a society whose divorce rates are higher than any other period in time.

With that said, I'm very curious as to how the people in the fastlane view marriage being part of the script of society?

*Disclaimer: I am not out to attack people's beliefs, religion, or personal situations with this post - I'm hoping to build perspective outside of my own world views

Edit:
There is this thread:
NOTABLE! - Preserving Wealth, My #1 Tip. Don't Get Married! (Or Maybe You Should?)

Mods - if this is a redundant question/thread, I apologize and you please close.

I see marriage as a partnership. It is giving before you take. I am happily married to a girl I first met in middle school. If it wasn't for her and my kids I probably would not care what I do in life. My family gives me a sense of purpose and even though marriage was a tradition born out of necessity thousands of years ago. I find it still relevant today. Some things in the script are beneficial. With anything in life it is ultimately up to you.
The millennial generation has grown up with too much instant gratification. They want love now when in reality it comes later. You also have to give love to receive it. Most people get infatuation mixed up with love and when the infatuation dies as it always does they look for their "love" else where.
 

Ayanle Farah

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The way I see it, being married atleast in the western world is no different than having a boss that can fire you on a whim, only in this case it's alot worse.

We're entrepreneurs, we're all about control, taking full ownership for our life so why sign half of it away? It's an emotional decision that can ruin you.

No different than hoping the stock market doesn't crash, you're hoping your spouse doesn't pull the trigger and with a 70% divorce rate the odds are not in your favor.
 
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BNeumann

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If there was a study, I bet our generation has the highest rate of comparing ourselves to others. I think there was a study that showed depression in our generation is higher because of it.

Because we see so much, there is a desire to stand out from the rest. It's not that we think we think we are special, I think it's more along the lines of we want to be special. A sense of belonging through individualism. So we search for it, otherwise, who are we at the end of the day?

I would attribute it to the rise of gentrification in many places. Same reason why specialty product businesses are doing so well. Non-generic coffee/tea on the rise. A reversion to traditional practices like straight razor shaving. It's consumerism fueled by a strong longing for individualism in a group searching for their place because Mellenials are falling in the age group where most people are trying to find themselves.

Unfortunately, a lot of us think materialism is the route towards standing out when there are many other ways. Not getting married for the sake of being special would be a terrible decision though lol.

I would argue that the comparison factor is a form of self loathing. There is too much information. The question is, do you consume as the scripted do? You cannot be coerced by hyperrealities. The consumption of information at break neck speeds is part of the script today. It is designed to make you compare. You must break free of it's cycle and form your own rhythm of information collection. Also, my marriage is fun. Because it's on purpose.
 
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Jonathan1

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Remember, the Script and its associated elements are only problematic because they produce MODEL citizenry. Many of the elements outlined in the book like a degree, marriage etc correlate with the scripted life, but does not necessarily cause the scripted life. So instead of asking if its part of the script, I think another valuable question to ask if is it will lead to MODEL citizenry, while taking into account your unique circumstances etc. This alternative question is helpful because for some people within their unique circumstances, it will lead to the scripted life producing MODEL citizenry, while others under different circumstances can get married without falling into MODEL citizenry. So MODEL citizenry is the litmus test.
 
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G-Man

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Get married or don't but don't pretend that you are living like a rebel if you're copying all the other millennials.

Me and Mrs Gman were talking about this the other day. The fact that we're very "traditional" somehow makes us oddballs. I go to work and she stays home with the kids. I'm 32 and the resident curmudgeonly old married guy with my group of friends that are mostly early 40s.

It's ultimately up to you to do what makes you happy, but unless you're in a polyamorous relationship with a pod of dolphins, don't think you're not on a script :rofl:
 

Kak

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@G-Man from one young-old curmudgeon married guy to another... This place is just way too cool for me these days. :rofl:
 

minivanman

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Do you mean marriage as in LOVE or marriage as in money?

Marriage as in LOVE means you have some sort of commitment with whom ever you are in love with. You may or may not have some sort of 'official' pronounce that you are married. This can be done with or without anyone present to witness it. All you need is 2 people that are TRULY in LOVE with each other.

Marriage for money is a whole different animal. First, you stop by a county clerks office to PAY for a marriage license to connect you and the person you love at the bank account. Once you are connected at the bank account, you make it 'official' by having someone 'official' pronounce you man and wife or whom ever and whom ever in today's world.

Yes, you can have both as long as both people that are in love understand what marriage really is about. Just be aware there are 3 choices of marriage, not just 1.

Which of these were you talking about? :)
 
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MJ DeMarco

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My take in the shortest way possible...

Marriage is a commitment between two consenting adults: not a freaking piece of paper from the government.

If your only reason for getting married is because you're "supposed to." Then sure, you're following a script.

+1
 

WinTheDay

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This is part of what I can't wrap my head around, and it is the same logic most people have.

Person A and Person B are together
They want to have kids and start a family
Therefore they must get married (due to societal pressure) to start have a family.

We live in a culture where it is viewed as less to have a family and not be married - It is quite similar to how polygamy is viewed by many people as well, where polygamy is the direct contrast to marriage.

I want a family and kids, but I always question whether I want to be married when I do want to have one.

I think marriage is apart of a different script. I think there can be multiple scripts.
The financial script that everyone knows about but I think there is a script that gears towards this topic.

I believe just because you can break the monetary script and amass wealth doesn't mean you are free from scrips such as social scripts, marriage, etc.

I'm sure plenty of millionaires are married, but how many of them sat down and thought fully about why they feel the need to enter a legal agreement with their lover the way they sat down and thought about why would they work 9-5 for x years for x amount of pay.

If you ask me the script in marriage is set up for the man to get finessed if things go wrong, since we were born we were told that we should have kids, we should get married, we should choose one person to be with, have a family etc.
Now tell me what happens when people say they want to get a vasectomy, everyone around them think they are crazy and against it. People think its strange to not have kids or get married eventually.

See the parallel with how we are told to get a 9-5?

I'm just saying, life is full of scripts. Some better than others depends on who you ask. The ultimate goal is to write your own script in ever area of your life.
Some people may say I'm talking nonsense but remember those still plugged in will always defend the script. In my opinion, I would love to have a companion that I can be with in my life, but I don't need a contract to know that person is with me and kids annoying haha.

TLDR ; Take the pen and write your own story. When society tells you to turn right, turn left...unless YOU want to turn right.
 

LuckyPup

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I've been pondering this question for a while now, and recently had a conversation with a group of friends.

Is Marriage Part of the Script?

Most of the people in my group are millennials, with a mix of entrepreneurs as well as slow laners. We had a very interesting conversation on our views about being married and the whole marriage system.

All of us have grown up in a society where ever since we were born, marriage is a goal. The origins and history of marriage make sense and worked in a different time period, but in modern society, I do not a concrete purpose for marriage unless it is for religious or tax purposes.

I've always been of the opinion that I do not need a piece of paper to dictate how committed I am to a person. People argue that it "makes it harder to separate, therefore you are more prone to work things out." Yet, we live in a society whose divorce rates are higher than any other period in time.

With that said, I'm very curious as to how the people in the fastlane view marriage being part of the script of society?

*Disclaimer: I am not out to attack people's beliefs, religion, or personal situations with this post - I'm hoping to build perspective outside of my own world views

Edit:
There is this thread:
NOTABLE! - Preserving Wealth, My #1 Tip. Don't Get Married! (Or Maybe You Should?)

Mods - if this is a redundant question/thread, I apologize and you please close.
My wife and daughter are the best part of my script / unscript. Expensive? Hell yes. But worth every cent.
 

Disciple96

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Here's the long and short of it:

They say women hold the key to sex, while men hold the key to marriage. Usually, this is true.

It all depends on the individual. Many people have low/no standards and just want to chase the Disney dream with the picket fences. They are too ignorant to consider the opportunity cost of making the decision to get married, one that permanently affects the rest of your life.

Marriage is like a cherry on top. You see, a fastlane lifestyle and a Casanova lifestyle aren't really compatible. Unscripted means working weekends, late nights, and early mornings, while everyone else is out fraternizing and chasing down the more hedonistic pursuits in life.

Casual sex is fine if you're into it, but I personally think most of the time it can be soulless and depressing one night stands. That's usually because both parties were considerably intoxicated and/or lowered their standards just for the sex. That doesn't really help anybody long term. This isn't to say you shouldn't have sex on the first date or anything, just to keep your standards in check.

Polyamory is the concept that love isn't a finite resource, it's created through time, and time is the only finite resource in a relationship. Sounds a bit like the unscripted mindset, doesn't it? (Value is created, only time is finite).

Polyamory is a useful approach to dating until you are ready to marry and you find someone who you consider to be "spouse-material". Trial by fire with multiple serious relationships will show you what you really DON'T want in a marriage, and in a hurry.

However, always remember that your time is limited and the further you divide it, the less invested you will be in each of your relationships. That is fine until you're ready to get married, but once you want to find a wife you need to switch gears and devote more of your time to women you think you could marry.

Marriage is the ultimate test of loyalty and patience, and sometimes marriages can fall apart because one of the people in the relationship became sick and toxic for the other person. It's not always due to a lack of trying. This is the thing you want to watch out for.

Strive to find a woman as similar to you as possible to get married. Don't strive too hard though, always remember a real woman needs a real man. Focus on what is important to you FIRST, and you'll find someone naturally as you move up in the world. The saying is, "opposites attract", but that is total nonsense.

"Models" by Mark Manson is an exceptional book for any fastlaners who don't have the time for the Casanova lifestyle.
 
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Bryce R

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Marriage isn't part of the script, but the way weddings are "supposed" to be are.

W/out sharing how my full view, I think marriage is there for focus (when you lack self control like me, nice to have a "release point anytime lol), but more importantly marriage is about sharing your life, your journey w/ your best friend/partner and setting an example for your offspring.

My wife is my partner in everything we do. I'm young (30), been married 5 years, 1 kid, and having a family really does make you go to another level... As long as you don't use your family as an excuse to suck.

But, marriage isn't for everyone. Some people are better off solo, and I'm sure it's easier for some to focus on building their vision if they don't need to make time for family and if they can keep their minds off chasing tail.

Now, Spending a bunch of $ on weddings that you don't have for people to have a meal is dumb, is a more modern invention all about status (there's a great Adam Ruins Everything on this
View: https://youtu.be/O5BeLinyfpg
)

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Tapatalk
 
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D

Deleted49964

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I deeply encourage anyone pondering the question in the title of this thread to do the following...

Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

That advice is specially for you if you failed in a bunch of relationships or if you believe in soulmates, long distance relationships or the "you need to get married to be happy" myth imposed by the script.

I believe every man should learn about the real dynamics of sexuality and relationships. Anyone who even asks "Is marriage part of the script?" has a great need for the information that is in that book.

It's not about if marriage is part of the script, it's about knowing your options. You can be married or not married and be happy or miserable with both.
 

hughs

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I speculate it's one of those grass is always green type of things. has its pros and cons.

personally I would get married if I was going to have kids, otherwise no
 
D

Deleted52409

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I deeply encourage anyone pondering the question in the title of this thread to do the following...

Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

That advice is specially for you if you failed in a bunch of relationships or if you believe in soulmates, long distance relationships or the "you need to get married to be happy" myth imposed by the script.

I believe every man should learn about the real dynamics of sexuality and relationships. Anyone who even asks "Is marriage part of the script?" has a great need for the information that is in that book.

It's not about if marriage is part of the script, it's about knowing your options. You can be married or not married and be happy or miserable with both.

Finally the redpill has been entered into the forum. Guys before you do anything foolish you need to be watching MGTOW content on youtube. I stumbled onto it because I was disgusted with how my friends were being treated in the dating game and it's completely changed the way that I look at our modern society. Technology speaking things are awesome. Socially speaking things feel very lacking; at least after you start to consume this type of content:

MEN 101
 
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Kak

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Marriage isn't part of the script, but the way weddings are "supposed" to be are.

Yep. I can’t stress this enough. Weddings suck. I would have rather blown our wedding money on an even more ridiculous diamond than I already got her.


Interestingly, I read an article the other day... The three biggest times rational spending is thrown out the window due to emotional bullshit... Births, weddings and deaths. Force a level head at all times when it comes to money decisions.
 
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Niptuck MD

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weddings can be culturally significant; in eastern cultures/traditions weddings are a huge deal. (maybe that is why divorce is less common there) yes there is obviously pomp and showy aspects of it, but cutlurally it is not part of the "script" IMHO for the majority in the east. In the west totally... it fits the mold. Spend spend spend and what makes matters worse is if it were to end in divorce then it ultimately a waste or a sunk cost.
 

GDIBass

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Ultimately the answer is "it depends." If you feel like it's the "next step," and not something you want to do then it's probably the script. Otherwise, if you want to do it, it's not the script.

Also, is this forum really going down the MGTOW/Incel/Redpill path?
 
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Jadpapi

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I will married my GF because she support every move I make, and she has the same mindset as me. It’s all about the mindset. Elon musk has been married and divorced with kids, it didn’t stop him from achieving anything.
 

fhs8

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My take is that I don't care whether or not something is "the script." I care about whether or not it benefits me and not hurt other people. If the script gives me what I want in life more than other ideas then I would choose the script.

Whether or not someone should get married is subjective because people typically don't marry purely for financial reasons. Whether it makes financial sense is another story and depends on many factors such as taxes, laws, gender, age, race, and wealth.

Here are some stats. I'll keep my commentary on this gender neutral. Only the facts mention gender. You should look at the facts then decide if marriage makes financial sense for you.

Fact: 97% of US alimony recipients are female.
Source: More men get alimony from their ex-wives

Fact: 37.7% of US women made more than their husband in 2009.
Source: https://www.bls.gov/cps/wlf-table25-2011.pdf
(How are 97% of alimony recipients one gender if this is the case?)

Fact: In 2011, 32% of custodial men didn't receive child support while 25% of custodial females didn't receive child support.
Source: Are Moms Less Likely Than Dads To Pay Child Support?

Fact: In 2013, 52.3% of custodial single females were awarded child support while 31.4% of custodial males were awarded child support.
Source: https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2016/demo/P60-255.pdf

Fact: A survey (and others) show that females initiate approximately 70% of divorces.
Source: Women Initiate Divorce Much More Than Men, Here's Why
(Law of control)

Fact: Data shows that same sex female marriages are 2.5 times more likely to divorce than male marriages in England.
Source: Female same-sex marriages more likely to end in divorce than male ones, figures reveal

Fact: Estimates by some law firms put the average cost of divorce at around $15,000 to $30,000.
Source: To Have And To Hold On To

Fact: Some experts and reports show that the future projected divorce rate for marriages happening now should be around 40%-50%.
Source: Steve Sweeney claims two-thirds of marriages end in divorce

Also not mentioned is that many US states have provisions in the child support law that child support payments cannot be lowered below what a person has a substantial likelihood of earning. Which means that if you're paying child support and lose your job that doesn't mean child support payments may be lowered. The same can apply for a business owner. If your business goes south - too bad. Child support payments might also not be lowered for someone with a substantial amount of assets. So if you're paying child support for 15+ years you better hope that your income stays stable. There are however provisions in child support laws that child support payments may be increased if income increases.
Source: 2010 Georgia Code :: TITLE 19 - DOMESTIC RELATIONS :: CHAPTER 6 - ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT :: ARTICLE 1 - GENERAL PROVISIONS :: § 19-6-15 - Child support in final verdict or decree; guidelines for determining amount of award; continuation of duty to provide support; duration of support

One more thing not mentioned is that if the noncustodial parent and custodial parent both share 50% time. The noncustodial parent will typically pay only slightly less child support than if the noncustodial parent 0% time. You would think that there wouldn't be child support since both share 50% time. How much time spent with a child means very little in terms of child support.
 
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D

Deleted52409

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My take is that I don't care whether or not something is "the script." I care about whether or not it benefits me and not hurt other people. If the script gives me what I want in life more than other ideas then I would choose the script.

Whether or not someone should get married is subjective because people typically don't marry purely for financial reasons. Whether it makes financial sense is another story and depends on many factors such as taxes, laws, gender, age, race, and wealth.

Here are some stats. I'll keep my commentary on this gender neutral. Only the facts mention gender. You should look at the facts then decide if marriage makes financial sense for you.

Fact: 97% of US alimony recipients are female.
Source: More men get alimony from their ex-wives

Fact: 37.7% of US women made more than their husband in 2009.
Source: https://www.bls.gov/cps/wlf-table25-2011.pdf
(How are 97% of alimony recipients one gender if this is the case?)

Fact: In 2011, 32% of custodial men didn't receive child support while 25% of custodial females didn't receive child support.
Source: Are Moms Less Likely Than Dads To Pay Child Support?

Fact: In 2013, 52.3% of custodial single females were awarded child support while 31.4% of custodial males were awarded child support.
Source: https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2016/demo/P60-255.pdf

Fact: A survey (and others) show that females initiate approximately 70% of divorces.
Source: Women Initiate Divorce Much More Than Men, Here's Why
(Law of control)

Fact: Data shows that same sex female marriages are 2.5 times more likely to divorce than male marriages in England.
Source: Female same-sex marriages more likely to end in divorce than male ones, figures reveal

Fact: Estimates by some law firms put the average cost of divorce at around $15,000 to $30,000.
Source: To Have And To Hold On To

Fact: Some experts and reports show that the future projected divorce rate for marriages happening now should be around 40%-50%.
Source: Steve Sweeney claims two-thirds of marriages end in divorce

Also not mentioned is that many US states have provisions in the child support law that child support payments cannot be lowered below what a person has a substantial likelihood of earning. Which means that if you're paying child support and lose your job that doesn't mean child support payments may be lowered. The same can apply for a business owner. If your business goes south - too bad. Child support payments might also not be lowered for someone with a substantial amount of assets. So if you're paying child support for 15+ years you better hope that your income stays stable. There are however provisions in child support laws that child support payments may be increased if income increases.
Source: 2010 Georgia Code :: TITLE 19 - DOMESTIC RELATIONS :: CHAPTER 6 - ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT :: ARTICLE 1 - GENERAL PROVISIONS :: § 19-6-15 - Child support in final verdict or decree; guidelines for determining amount of award; continuation of duty to provide support; duration of support

One more thing not mentioned is that if the noncustodial parent and custodial parent both share 50% time. The noncustodial parent will typically pay only slightly less child support than if the noncustodial parent 0% time. You would think that there wouldn't be child support since both share 50% time. How much time spent with a child means very little in terms of child support.


Well that's because it's not actually child support. Women consume at a much much higher rate than men. The idea behind these laws is to make women the "middle-men" who forcibly transfer men's money to the government, financial elite, and other businessmen.

Women don't need a long term partner anymore as long as this arrangement is in place. That doesn't mean they don't want one but they definitely don't need one if they have the government.
 
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shubham525

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Lately I have been asking the same question.

And I have found myself agreeing with Osho's sayings.

Marriage Has Become a Battlefield

“Marriage has failed because you could not rise to the standard that you were expecting of marriage, of the concept of marriage. You were brutal, you were, you were full of jealousies, you were full of lust; you had never known really what love is. In the name of love, you tried everything which is just the opposite of love: possessiveness, domination, power.

“Marriage has become a battlefield where two persons are fighting for supremacy. Of course, the man has his own way: rough and more primitive. The woman has her own way: feminine, softer, a little more civilized, more subdued. But the situation is the same. Now psychologists are talking about marriage as an intimate enmity. And that’s what it has proved to be. Two enemies are living together pretending to be in love, expecting the other to give love; and the same is being expected by the other. Nobody is ready to give – nobody has it. How can you give love if you don’t have it?”


Source - Osho Quotes on Marriage
 

Shanell79

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Marriage is part of the script when you look at it in the way it's been sold. Unless you are very religious and view marriage and sex purely for the sake of procreating then everyone else falls into the Hollywood version. The Hollywood version is what gets everyone bent out of shape when the reality of marriage sets in. Marriage is a business and must be viewed as such. To go into a binding legal agreement based off of looks, sex and other nonsense is crazy. You have to view it in a sense of are we capable of facilitating each others dreams? Achieving goals? Working towards the same life?, etc.

When decisions are based on ideals such as oh, he/she is very attractive, great in bed, has a good job, your going to be the statistic. Would you go into a business partnership because the person is handsome or pretty? No. Would you go into a business partnership because you both like syfy movies? No. Marriage and the concept of it are much deeper than that. However we have been sold this pipe dream of surface level determinants and wonder why a year or two later it goes up in flames. Or wonder why things fly off the rails once kids are introduced. Then you find out your mate believes in corporal punishment and you don't. Or your mate wants 5 kids and you want one. Due diligence is important and usually brushed over today for the sake of "getting older", "biological clocks" and other doomsday speak.
 

G-Man

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Yep. I can’t stress this enough. Weddings suck. I would have rather blown our wedding money on an even more ridiculous diamond than I already got her. It makes people uncomfortable as is, and I kind of like that.
:cool:

Interestingly, I read an article the other day... The three biggest times rational spending is thrown out the window due to emotional bullshit... Births, weddings and deaths. Force a level head at all times when it comes to money decisions.

The upside to the irrationality of having kids is that there's a never ending supply of free shit people want out of their house. I don't think we've ever bought anything for my kid except food and diapers.
 
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• nikita •

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I'm not even in a relationship, but if I ever end up getting to the point of marriage, I want it to be as unofficial as possible. No stupid large dress, no dumb piano music, F*cking doves, pink invitations, speeches. The F*ck is that shit. You don't need a contract to stay together if you're in the right relationship

My parents recently told me they wanted to get married in jeans and a tshirt but gave into the pressure of their own parents' demands lol
 

masterneme

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You guys may think marriage is a script but if you dig for the truth in the roots of feminism you will find that it's original goal was to destroy marriages and "liberate" woman from men. Its result has been many unhappy and unfulfilled women and men.

The merits of government contract can be debated. But I think the societal and child rearing benefit of strong and proper marriage is huge.

It is also hugely important for the outcome of the children. Children with single mothers by a wide margin perform more poorly in school, are more likely to become an addict, more likely to wind up in jail, just more likely to mis behave and make bad decisions in general.

You certainly don't want to be in an unfulfilling relationship. But don't be jaded and believe that fulfilling monogamous relationships do not exist. They do. BUT they are impossible if you don't have your own life together and if you conform to modern "politically correct" expectations.


1. Modern Scripted Society creates weak men.
2. Modern scripted society creates entitled, egotistical (in their own eyes faultless) women.
3. Pairing an egotistical woman with a weak man results in a miserable unhappy relationship for both.

An unscripted man needs an unscripted woman.
I agree with what you say except that marriage IS in fact part of the script, created centuries ago by the ancient religions to control people.

And some of them, which are active today, treat women as property.

"Funny" enough those religions aren't being attacked by feminists...
 

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