• The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success
  1. Join 40,000+ entrepreneurs
    who are kicking butt and
    winning their dream life.

    Unscripted™ Entrepreneurship:
    A Business That Pays More Than Money, It Pays Time.

    "Fastlane" is an entrepreneur discussion forum based on The Unscripted Entrepreneurial Framework (TUNEF) outlined in the two best-selling books by MJ DeMarco (The Millionaire Fastlane and UNSCRIPTED™). From multimillionaires to digital nomads, the forum features real entrepreneurs creating real businesses.

    Download (Unscripted) Download (Millionaire Fastlane)  Register
    Registering for the forum removes this block!

Is Marriage Part of the Script?

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by TKDTyler, Apr 12, 2018.

  1. TKDTyler
    Offline

    TKDTyler Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    1,286
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $8,309
    I've been pondering this question for a while now, and recently had a conversation with a group of friends.

    Is Marriage Part of the Script?

    Most of the people in my group are millennials, with a mix of entrepreneurs as well as slow laners. We had a very interesting conversation on our views about being married and the whole marriage system.

    All of us have grown up in a society where ever since we were born, marriage is a goal. The origins and history of marriage make sense and worked in a different time period, but in modern society, I do not a concrete purpose for marriage unless it is for religious or tax purposes.

    I've always been of the opinion that I do not need a piece of paper to dictate how committed I am to a person. People argue that it "makes it harder to separate, therefore you are more prone to work things out." Yet, we live in a society whose divorce rates are higher than any other period in time.

    With that said, I'm very curious as to how the people in the fastlane view marriage being part of the script of society?

    *Disclaimer: I am not out to attack people's beliefs, religion, or personal situations with this post - I'm hoping to build perspective outside of my own world views

    Edit:
    There is this thread:
    NOTABLE! - Preserving Wealth, My #1 Tip. Don't Get Married! (Or Maybe You Should?)

    Mods - if this is a redundant question/thread, I apologize and you please close.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2018
    ruzara5, Joshlo, Silver Silk and 3 others like this.
  2. NuclearPuma
    Offline

    NuclearPuma Bronze Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    238
    Joined:
    May 3, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $1,263
    YOU write the script!

    Being "unscripted" means YOU are the author!



    Many people find meaning, joy, and fulfillment in having a family and raising kids.

    For a lot of people their family is their WHY that move them into the fastlane.
     
  3. TKDTyler
    Offline

    TKDTyler Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    1,286
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $8,309
    This is part of what I can't wrap my head around, and it is the same logic most people have.

    Person A and Person B are together
    They want to have kids and start a family
    Therefore they must get married (due to societal pressure) to start have a family.

    We live in a culture where it is viewed as less to have a family and not be married - It is quite similar to how polygamy is viewed by many people as well, where polygamy is the direct contrast to marriage.

    I want a family and kids, but I always question whether I want to be married when I do want to have one.
     
    WinTheDay likes this.
  4. Mr.Brandtastic
    Offline

    Mr.Brandtastic Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    322
    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Parents' House
    Rep Bank:
    $1,684
    It can be. But just like you can chose your path, you need to make the right choice. Marriage should be for family or political appearances and nothing else. Most importantly of all you need a spouse who is going to support you 100% in Fastlane or already be successful beforehand. Otherwise it's going to be like climbing up a mountain with a 500-pound ankle ball-and-chain.

    Yea maybe 20-30-50-60 years ago it was. Times are different. Being single is the new normal. Is it part of the script? Not really.
     
    Alper and ZF Lee like this.
  5. 404profound
    Offline

    404profound Silver Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    491
    Likes Received:
    993
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Desert of Desertion
    Rep Bank:
    $5,153
    I've wondered the same thing to myself. There are competing psychological forces. On one hand, marriage satisfies cravings for belonging and partnership. On the other hand, it strips you of your sexual and personal autonomy (usually). It seems that the happiest married people don't really act married, they somehow preserve their personal freedoms while sharing each others' lives. At 26 I know I will never get married, because for me a wife is a social asset that results in a net loss (the company and affection do not offset the loss of personal freedom for me). Most others will disagree, because most people have opposite values (they value social satisfaction and affection over freedom). Ultimately, I believe marriage is just one of many explicit outcomes of one's values. In either scenario, there is sacrifice. In my case, I sacrifice consistent sex and an emotional bond in favor of hunting and gathering those resources in a cyclical manner.
     
  6. JohnnyAppleseed
    Offline

    JohnnyAppleseed Amish Cornhead Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    304
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana
    Rep Bank:
    $3,527
    Marriage is not what it used to be and the family unit is under attack at least in the western world. I'm looking at some of these divorce settlements and alimony/child support payments and even guys on the top of their game such as Brad Pitt are getting screwed very badly.

    It is even said that one of the reasons Robin Williams killed himself (on top of being mentally ill) was that he could not afford to keep paying lifetime alimony to both of his ex wives.

    Look I'm not saying don't date or have relationships with women. But modern day marriage contracts are a nice way of saying that someone else is entitled to your net worth if things go south. A lot of judges use prenups as toilet paper so don't think that will save you either.

    I am going to end this comment with a rhetorical question that you should all really think long and hard about:

    Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2018
  7. jasoncuellar123
    Offline

    jasoncuellar123 I’m probably awake. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,675
    Likes Received:
    2,929
    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Rep Bank:
    $11,699
    I’ve never been married so I can’t testify on this case, but the whole “take 50% of your spouse’s net worth” infuriates me lol
     
  8. Kak
    Offline

    Kak Capitalist Pig Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    4,513
    Likes Received:
    13,788
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Rep Bank:
    $16,561
    Most actual multi-millionaires I know are in fact married. The statistics also support that observation.

    That said, I don’t personally think it has anything to do with the script.

    I won’t go into my own reasoning, but I thought I would point out the above.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
  9. EasternCrane
    Offline

    EasternCrane Sit in the gap not the choice Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    250
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    Rep Bank:
    $1,646
    Hmmm, guys really need a "non-thinking" book on dating, relationships and marriage because it seems to be a major question at the turn of the millennium.

    There is probably room for a no B.S. scientific book on dating.

    I once read a quote that said if you understand business you understand life. If you understand life you also understand business.

    Women are not your enemy.

    MRA's and feminists are creating a dialogue of an internal poison. Sex is poisoned. Dating is poisoned. Relationships are poisoned.

    It is political rather than experiential.

    There is no political, moral, societal, or other force that can make you marry if you live in a 1st world country. The fact that you have the time to discuss it proves my point.

    In countries where marriage is done for any reason outside of attraction, they are usually in a conflict area.

    Marriage is something you should strive for though.

    Are you poly is the only question. Even then, marriage is still possible.

    At the risk of sounding like "that guy," I will reiterate that it is something to strive for.

    Yes your finances can be ruined. That's all really.

    Is your significant other a number though? Is she debt? If so, then marry her and M-O-B all day with a prenup, overseas banks, hidden stashes, and living trusts. I wouldn't pray, but I might ask someone else to pray that the two of you never have children. The reason is that your relationship would poison the child.

    Your question and the conversation that you and your friends had was about sex, not marriage.

    Marriage is a loyalty and dedication pact. A way for a woman to prove her loyalty. It is a subservience pact.

    Make no mistake. Real marriage is a woman's subservience pact because she trusts you with her loyalty for the rest of her youth into old age.

    Women aren't like wine. They age like bread. This is a major consideration for her and one of the last 3 wishes you can grant.

    As an entrepreneur, a person who grants wishes daily, you shouldn't be opposed to granting your significant other's wish.

    Make no mistake. There is no love in marriage. There is no love in sex. There is no love in a relationship. There is only power and balance. Marriage is the end of conflict though. It is the final tip of the balance of power. It is who won.

    I have to ask. Why are you even worried about marriage?

    Did a woman propose to you?


    If you plan to propose to a woman then stop.

    You're asking a question to a question you don't how to ask if you have to ask this question. Have you seen a successful marriage since childhood? If not, your view of relationships, women, and sex may be poisoned. Even if you did see a long lived and/or current marriage was it stable?

    If no, have you gone to the depths of the poison and drank the final sip of hemlock to find bliss in your own egoic death?

    This is literal and figurative. Please don't drink hemlock. It is about the purity of your mind.

    If you're scared of a woman's control, manipulation, or power then you're really just saying you feel you aren't good enough.

    Someone can only take advantage of you if feel you aren't good enough.

    It follows then that marriage is the end of the conflict for whoever proposes. Further, a woman is a mirror. She will reflect you in whatever way she sees fit. She reflects you to see herself. She reflects you to come to understanding of what you want.

    The only thing any man is saying with no marriage is that he isn't worth snagging up.

    Are you not valuable? Is she not valuable? Has the planet stopped believing in your value? The planet is still producing oxygen.

    Explore the caverns of your heart. There is a time and place for everything, even marriage, because there is always someone for everyone. The answer must come from within though, not without.
     
  10. SquatchMan
    Offline

    SquatchMan Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1,135
    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Rep Bank:
    $1,283
    Yes. Marriage and family are part of the script.

    I'd argue the main factor that keeps men going to work (and in turn keeps the system working) is a natural instinct to provide for his family. Marriage is a social contract that locks the man into providing.

    *edited out some politically treacherous stuff*
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
  11. GregDott
    Offline

    GregDott Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    62
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eta Carinae
    Rep Bank:
    $318
    Certain views and pressures surrounding marriage I think are part of the so-called script/s.

    However, the line between the script/s and the social rules we fashioned over millennia for the sake of stabilising ourselves is very blurred. Certainly marriage is used and manipulated by many different scripts for different purposes.

    The basis of marriage is ancient and according to some research, underpins social stability. So there is that.

    I would argue that marriage is as much a part of the script/s as much as bread and water are.
     
  12. Sprocket
    Offline

    Sprocket Contributor

    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    70
    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2018
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    Rep Bank:
    $337
    I don’t think there is a right answer to this. It depends on the individuals and motives for marriage.

    My husband is my best friend and my partner in crime! Our marriage is a commitment to each other. Sure we’d be committed without it but marrage added value to our relationship so why not.

    Children put colossal strain on time and money. But they are the biggest motivators for building a better future. They are the future.

    In the uk at least, the script makes it harder to have a family. Women are incentivised to work. Childcare is as much as a mortgage and more so I’d argue that the script wants more people working in the script..?

    If you have it in you to be unscripted I’m sure you’ll make it with or without a wife. It seems like there are a lot of people looking for excuses as to why they can’t be unscripted / what might stop them... just do it.

    I have 3 kids running around my feet right now, sorry if my thoughts are jumbled!!
     
  13. Olimac21
    Offline

    Olimac21 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    208
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    Rep Bank:
    $1,090
    Up to you, rather than the act itself I would analyze the "why" behind it.

    If you are getting married because everyone else is doing it or you feel is a necessity, then becomes scripted.
     
  14. MattR82
    Offline

    MattR82 Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    585
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perth
    Rep Bank:
    $2,115
    There's nothing more romantic than getting the government involved in your relationship.
     
  15. NuclearPuma
    Offline

    NuclearPuma Bronze Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    238
    Joined:
    May 3, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $1,263
    The right partner will elevate you, not slow you down.

    You want to be your own person.

    A good book all men today should read is:
    "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
    by Robert Glover.

    Think of it like the unscripted relationship book for men. It explains why a lot of dudes today aren't happy and why women aren't happy either. The modern society script has really screwed men over. It has made men subservient to women and boys are supposed to act like girls growing up (can't be rowdy, loud, physical, etc.). The book has great insights on how to be your own man and have healthy relationships.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
  16. Kak
    Offline

    Kak Capitalist Pig Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    4,513
    Likes Received:
    13,788
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Rep Bank:
    $16,561
    WTF?
     
  17. Kak
    Offline

    Kak Capitalist Pig Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    4,513
    Likes Received:
    13,788
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Rep Bank:
    $16,561
    Yep. I’m not surprised such negativity here towards marriage with the rise of modern feminism, but wow there is some pretty crazy sh*t being unloaded in this thread.

    Though the government is part of the wedding process in American society, and shouldn’t be, marriage itself has zero to do with government.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
  18. G-Man
    Offline

    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    1,546
    Likes Received:
    8,158
    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $8,617
    Maybe millennials have been scripted to believe institutions and behavior patterns that have ensured the survival of the species for millennia have suddenly become obsolete in the last 30 years. :p
     
  19. MattR82
    Offline

    MattR82 Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    585
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perth
    Rep Bank:
    $2,115
    It's just a piece of paper.
     
    luniac and MJ DeMarco like this.
  20. becks22
    Online

    becks22 90% coffee, 10% everything else Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    430
    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2016
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Rep Bank:
    $2,849
    If you live in a state with common law marriage, you can be considered married to the state even without the paper
     
  21. MidwestLandlord
    Offline

    MidwestLandlord Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    1,397
    Likes Received:
    9,453
    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $33,495
    Committing to a person you have good chemistry and compatibility with and such? Not part of the script.

    Actually signing a marriage CONTRACT? Yes, script, and a dangerous thing to do IMO.

    99% of relationship counseling, advice, books, etc? Yes, script, and will destroy a marriage in a hurry.

    It's unfortunate the scripted state of the western world, both culturally and legally, and how it destroys what should be a wonderful thing.

    Regardless of anyone's view of marriage, feminism, religion, etc...the fact is that ending a marriage contract can be hugely detrimental to all parties involved (man, woman, children)

    My opinion is that men should not fear committing to the right woman, but not have a three-way with a tyrannical oppressive government either.

    Don't let love (a wonderful thing) and hormones (a double edged sword) cloud your judgement when dealing with the government.

    Let's be real here guys, the government is out of control, we are NOT "free", and it is our duty to protect ourselves and the one's we love.
     
  22. craig1928
    Offline

    craig1928 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    308
    Likes Received:
    471
    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Location:
    Dublin, Ireland
    Rep Bank:
    $1,857
    getting married because it's what you're supposed to do and it's what your parents/friends/siblings are doing, so you feel obliged to follow suit = the script

    getting married because you love your girlfriend and you feel it'll make your relationship better = not the script

    --

    That being said; it's not for me, don't see the point at all.
     
  23. MattR82
    Offline

    MattR82 Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    585
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perth
    Rep Bank:
    $2,115
    Perfectly said.

    I was married for 5 years but when work put us on opposite sides of the globe for extended periods of time it just didn't work out. When we split there were no lawyers, we just agreed to share the divorce fees. So I don't have a negative experience of it, but it just seems so... pointless. By the by, the fee was 800 bucks (Australia) which is probably much more now. So i have to pay the govt to split up with my girl?! Lol. Made me think how people with not even enough money for food pay for it..

    My ex's parents in Sweden were some of the smartest people I've ever met. Madly in love since medical school to this day, father a minister etc. Never married. I just don't see the point.

    I won't even elaborate on my cousin who sold his investment property to spend 70k on a wedding.
     
  24. Kak
    Offline

    Kak Capitalist Pig Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    4,513
    Likes Received:
    13,788
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Rep Bank:
    $16,561
    @MattR82 speaking of spending money on a fricking party...

    I had a medium sized wedding with people invited and the whole shebang. It probably cost 15 grand. It was also close to the least amount of fun I’ve ever had in a given day.

    I would never do it again. Elope. Get married on a beach or a mountain or the frickin moon and don’t invite anyone. Getting married is about the couple, not making guests happy....

    Or the government.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
  25. MidwestLandlord
    Offline

    MidwestLandlord Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    1,397
    Likes Received:
    9,453
    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $33,495
    Before I proposed to my wife, she of course was dropping "hints"

    I said, "What kind of marriage ceremony would you have?"

    Her "I don't know, something intimate and cheap. Close friends and family only. My sister could make the cake to save money and make her feel helpful too"

    I proposed like 2 weeks later lol

    Wedding and honeymoon combined cost me about $1,500...we honeymooned in freakin' Minnesota and had a hotel with a leaky roof. Ended up sleeping on the floor cause the bed was soaked from the rain.

    Some of our favorite memories together and it was dirt cheap.

    Unscripted wedding FTW.
     

Share This Page