Is Marriage Part of the Script?

[TKDTyler]

I've been pondering this question for a while now, and recently had a conversation with a group of friends.

Is Marriage Part of the Script?

​

Most of the people in my group are millennials, with a mix of entrepreneurs as well as slow laners. We had a very interesting conversation on our views about being married and the whole marriage system.

All of us have grown up in a society where ever since we were born, marriage is a goal. The origins and history of marriage make sense and worked in a different time period, but in modern society, I do not a concrete purpose for marriage unless it is for religious or tax purposes.

I've always been of the opinion that I do not need a piece of paper to dictate how committed I am to a person. People argue that it "makes it harder to separate, therefore you are more prone to work things out." Yet, we live in a society whose divorce rates are higher than any other period in time.

With that said, I'm very curious as to how the people in the fastlane view marriage being part of the script of society?

*Disclaimer: I am not out to attack people's beliefs, religion, or personal situations with this post - I'm hoping to build perspective outside of my own world views

Edit:
There is this thread:
NOTABLE! - Preserving Wealth, My #1 Tip. Don't Get Married! (Or Maybe You Should?)

Mods - if this is a redundant question/thread, I apologize and you please close.

 

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[NuclearPuma]

YOU write the script!

Being "unscripted " means YOU are the author!



Many people find meaning, joy, and fulfillment in having a family and raising kids.

For a lot of people their family is their WHY that move them into the fastlane.

 

[TKDTyler]

Many people find meaning, joy, and fulfillment in having a family and raising kids.

For a lot of people their family is their WHY that movew them to the fastlane.

This is part of what I can't wrap my head around, and it is the same logic most people have.

Person A and Person B are together
They want to have kids and start a family
Therefore they must get married (due to societal pressure) to start have a family.

We live in a culture where it is viewed as less to have a family and not be married - It is quite similar to how polygamy is viewed by many people as well, where polygamy is the direct contrast to marriage.

I want a family and kids, but I always question whether I want to be married when I do want to have one.

 

[Mr.Brandtastic]

It can be. But just like you can chose your path, you need to make the right choice. Marriage should be for family or political appearances and nothing else. Most importantly of all you need a spouse who is going to support you 100% in Fastlane or already be successful beforehand. Otherwise it's going to be like climbing up a mountain with a 500-pound ankle ball-and-chain.

With that said, I'm very curious as to how the people in the fastlane view marriage being part of the script of society?

Yea maybe 20-30-50-60 years ago it was. Times are different. Being single is the new normal. Is it part of the script? Not really.

 

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[Deleted50669]

I've wondered the same thing to myself. There are competing psychological forces. On one hand, marriage satisfies cravings for belonging and partnership. On the other hand, it strips you of your sexual and personal autonomy (usually). It seems that the happiest married people don't really act married, they somehow preserve their personal freedoms while sharing each others' lives. At 26 I know I will never get married, because for me a wife is a social asset that results in a net loss (the company and affection do not offset the loss of personal freedom for me). Most others will disagree, because most people have opposite values (they value social satisfaction and affection over freedom). Ultimately, I believe marriage is just one of many explicit outcomes of one's values. In either scenario, there is sacrifice. In my case, I sacrifice consistent sex and an emotional bond in favor of hunting and gathering those resources in a cyclical manner.

 

[Deleted52409]

Marriage is not what it used to be and the family unit is under attack at least in the western world. I'm looking at some of these divorce settlements and alimony/child support payments and even guys on the top of their game such as Brad Pitt are getting screwed very badly.

It is even said that one of the reasons Robin Williams killed himself (on top of being mentally ill) was that he could not afford to keep paying lifetime alimony to both of his ex wives.

Look I'm not saying don't date or have relationships with women. But modern day marriage contracts are a nice way of saying that someone else is entitled to your net worth if things go south. A lot of judges use prenups as toilet paper so don't think that will save you either.

I am going to end this comment with a rhetorical question that you should all really think long and hard about:

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

 

[TonyStark]

I’ve never been married so I can’t testify on this case, but the whole “take 50% of your spouse’s net worth” infuriates me lol

 

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[Kak]

Most actual multi-millionaires I know are in fact married. The statistics also support that observation.

That said, I don’t personally think it has anything to do with the script.

I won’t go into my own reasoning, but I thought I would point out the above.

 

[Guest92dX]

Hmmm, guys really need a "non-thinking" book on dating, relationships and marriage because it seems to be a major question at the turn of the millennium.

There is probably room for a no B.S. scientific book on dating.

I once read a quote that said if you understand business you understand life. If you understand life you also understand business.

Women are not your enemy.

MRA's and feminists are creating a dialogue of an internal poison. Sex is poisoned. Dating is poisoned. Relationships are poisoned.

It is political rather than experiential.

There is no political, moral, societal, or other force that can make you marry if you live in a 1st world country. The fact that you have the time to discuss it proves my point.

In countries where marriage is done for any reason outside of attraction, they are usually in a conflict area.

Marriage is something you should strive for though.

Are you poly is the only question. Even then, marriage is still possible.

At the risk of sounding like "that guy," I will reiterate that it is something to strive for.

Yes your finances can be ruined. That's all really.

Is your significant other a number though? Is she debt? If so, then marry her and M-O-B all day with a prenup, overseas banks, hidden stashes, and living trusts. I wouldn't pray, but I might ask someone else to pray that the two of you never have children. The reason is that your relationship would poison the child.

Your question and the conversation that you and your friends had was about sex, not marriage.

Marriage is a loyalty and dedication pact. A way for a woman to prove her loyalty. It is a subservience pact.

Make no mistake. Real marriage is a woman's subservience pact because she trusts you with her loyalty for the rest of her youth into old age.

Women aren't like wine. They age like bread. This is a major consideration for her and one of the last 3 wishes you can grant.

As an entrepreneur, a person who grants wishes daily, you shouldn't be opposed to granting your significant other's wish.

Make no mistake. There is no love in marriage. There is no love in sex. There is no love in a relationship. There is only power and balance. Marriage is the end of conflict though. It is the final tip of the balance of power. It is who won.

I have to ask. Why are you even worried about marriage?

Did a woman propose to you?

If you plan to propose to a woman then stop.

You're asking a question to a question you don't how to ask if you have to ask this question. Have you seen a successful marriage since childhood? If not, your view of relationships, women, and sex may be poisoned. Even if you did see a long lived and/or current marriage was it stable?

If no, have you gone to the depths of the poison and drank the final sip of hemlock to find bliss in your own egoic death?

This is literal and figurative. Please don't drink hemlock. It is about the purity of your mind.

If you're scared of a woman's control, manipulation, or power then you're really just saying you feel you aren't good enough.

Someone can only take advantage of you if feel you aren't good enough.

It follows then that marriage is the end of the conflict for whoever proposes. Further, a woman is a mirror. She will reflect you in whatever way she sees fit. She reflects you to see herself. She reflects you to come to understanding of what you want.

The only thing any man is saying with no marriage is that he isn't worth snagging up.

Are you not valuable? Is she not valuable? Has the planet stopped believing in your value? The planet is still producing oxygen.

Explore the caverns of your heart. There is a time and place for everything, even marriage, because there is always someone for everyone. The answer must come from within though, not without.

 

[SquatchMan]

Yes. Marriage and family are part of the script.

I'd argue the main factor that keeps men going to work (and in turn keeps the system working) is a natural instinct to provide for his family. Marriage is a social contract that locks the man into providing.

*edited out some politically treacherous stuff*

 

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[GregDott]

I've been pondering this question for a while now, and recently had a conversation with a group of friends.

Is Marriage Part of the Script?

​

Most of the people in my group are millennials, with a mix of entrepreneurs as well as slow laners. We had a very interesting conversation on our views about being married and the whole marriage system.

All of us have grown up in a society where ever since we were born, marriage is a goal. The origins and history of marriage make sense and worked in a different time period, but in modern society, I do not a concrete purpose for marriage unless it is for religious or tax purposes.

I've always been of the opinion that I do not need a piece of paper to dictate how committed I am to a person. People argue that it "makes it harder to separate, therefore you are more prone to work things out." Yet, we live in a society whose divorce rates are higher than any other period in time.

With that said, I'm very curious as to how the people in the fastlane view marriage being part of the script of society?

*Disclaimer: I am not out to attack people's beliefs, religion, or personal situations with this post - I'm hoping to build perspective outside of my own world views

Edit:
There is this thread:
NOTABLE! - Preserving Wealth, My #1 Tip. Don't Get Married! (Or Maybe You Should?)

Mods - if this is a redundant question/thread, I apologize and you please close.

Certain views and pressures surrounding marriage I think are part of the so-called script/s.

However, the line between the script/s and the social rules we fashioned over millennia for the sake of stabilising ourselves is very blurred. Certainly marriage is used and manipulated by many different scripts for different purposes.

The basis of marriage is ancient and according to some research, underpins social stability. So there is that.

I would argue that marriage is as much a part of the script/s as much as bread and water are.

 

[Sprocket]

I don’t think there is a right answer to this. It depends on the individuals and motives for marriage.

My husband is my best friend and my partner in crime! Our marriage is a commitment to each other. Sure we’d be committed without it but marrage added value to our relationship so why not.

Children put colossal strain on time and money. But they are the biggest motivators for building a better future. They are the future.

In the uk at least, the script makes it harder to have a family. Women are incentivised to work. Childcare is as much as a mortgage and more so I’d argue that the script wants more people working in the script..?

If you have it in you to be unscripted I’m sure you’ll make it with or without a wife. It seems like there are a lot of people looking for excuses as to why they can’t be unscripted / what might stop them... just do it.

I have 3 kids running around my feet right now, sorry if my thoughts are jumbled!!

 

[Olimac21]

Up to you, rather than the act itself I would analyze the "why" behind it.

If you are getting married because everyone else is doing it or you feel is a necessity, then becomes scripted.

 

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[MattR82]

There's nothing more romantic than getting the government involved in your relationship.

 

[NuclearPuma]

The right partner will elevate you, not slow you down.

You want to be your own person.

A good book all men today should read is:
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
by Robert Glover.

Think of it like the unscripted relationship book for men. It explains why a lot of dudes today aren't happy and why women aren't happy either. The modern society script has really screwed men over. It has made men subservient to women and boys are supposed to act like girls growing up (can't be rowdy, loud, physical, etc.). The book has great insights on how to be your own man and have healthy relationships.

 

[Kak]

Hmmm, guys really need a "non-thinking" book on dating, relationships and marriage because it seems to be a major question at the turn of the millennium.

There is probably room for a no B.S. scientific book on dating.

I once read a quote that said if you understand business you understand life. If you understand life you also understand business.

Women are not your enemy.

MRA's and feminists are creating a dialogue of an internal poison. Sex is poisoned. Dating is poisoned. Relationships are poisoned.

It is political rather than experiential.

There is no political, moral, societal, or other force that can make you marry if you live in a 1st world country. The fact that you have the time to discuss it proves my point.

In countries where marriage is done for any reason outside of attraction, they are usually in a conflict area.

Marriage is something you should strive for though.

Are you poly is the only question. Even then, marriage is still possible.

At the risk of sounding like "that guy," I will reiterate that it is something to strive for.

Yes your finances can be ruined. That's all really.

Is your significant other a number though? Is she debt? If so, then marry her and M-O-B all day with a prenup, overseas banks, hidden stashes, and living trusts. I wouldn't pray, but I might ask someone else to pray that the two of you never have children. The reason is that your relationship would poison the child.

Your question and the conversation that you and your friends had was about sex, not marriage.

Marriage is a loyalty and dedication pact. A way for a woman to prove her loyalty. It is a subservience pact.

Make no mistake. Real marriage is a woman's subservience pact because she trusts you with her loyalty for the rest of her youth into old age.

Women aren't like wine. They age like bread. This is a major consideration for her and one of the last 3 wishes you can grant.

As an entrepreneur, a person who grants wishes daily, you shouldn't be opposed to granting your significant other's wish.

Make no mistake. There is no love in marriage. There is no love in sex. There is no love in a relationship. There is only power and balance. Marriage is the end of conflict though. It is the final tip of the balance of power. It is who won.

I have to ask. Why are you even worried about marriage?

Did a woman propose to you?

If you plan to propose to a woman then stop.

You're asking a question to a question you don't how to ask if you have to ask this question. Have you seen a successful marriage since childhood? If not, your view of relationships, women, and sex may be poisoned. Even if you did see a long lived and/or current marriage was it stable?

If no, have you gone to the depths of the poison and drank the final sip of hemlock to find bliss in your own egoic death?

This is literal and figurative. Please don't drink hemlock. It is about the purity of your mind.

If you're scared of a woman's control, manipulation, or power then you're really just saying you feel you aren't good enough.

Someone can only take advantage of you if feel you aren't good enough.

It follows then that marriage is the end of the conflict for whoever proposes. Further, a woman is a mirror. She will reflect you in whatever way she sees fit. She reflects you to see herself. She reflects you to come to understanding of what you want.

The only thing any man is saying with no marriage is that he isn't worth snagging up.

Are you not valuable? Is she not valuable? Has the planet stopped believing in your value? The planet is still producing oxygen.

Explore the caverns of your heart. There is a time and place for everything, even marriage, because there is always someone for everyone. The answer must come from within though, not without.

WTF?

 

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[Kak]

The right partner will elevate you, not slow you down.

You want to be your own person.

A good book all men today should read is:
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
by Robert Glover.

Think of it like the unscripted relationship book for men. It explains why a lot of dudes today aren't happy and why women aren't happy either. The modern society script has really screwed men over. It has made men subservient to women and boys are supposed to act like girls growing up (can't be rowdy, loud, physical, etc.). The book has great insights on how to be your own man and have a healthy relationships.

Yep. I’m not surprised such negativity here towards marriage with the rise of modern feminism, but wow there is some pretty crazy shit being unloaded in this thread.

Though the government is part of the wedding process in American society, and shouldn’t be, marriage itself has zero to do with government.

 

[G-Man]

Maybe millennials have been scripted to believe institutions and behavior patterns that have ensured the survival of the species for millennia have suddenly become obsolete in the last 30 years.

 

[MattR82]

It's just a piece of paper.

 

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[becks22]

If you live in a state with common law marriage, you can be considered married to the state even without the paper

 

[MidwestLandlord]

Committing to a person you have good chemistry and compatibility with and such? Not part of the script.

Actually signing a marriage CONTRACT? Yes, script, and a dangerous thing to do IMO.

99% of relationship counseling, advice, books, etc? Yes, script, and will destroy a marriage in a hurry.

It's unfortunate the scripted state of the western world, both culturally and legally, and how it destroys what should be a wonderful thing.

Regardless of anyone's view of marriage, feminism, religion, etc...the fact is that ending a marriage contract can be hugely detrimental to all parties involved (man, woman, children)

My opinion is that men should not fear committing to the right woman, but not have a three-way with a tyrannical oppressive government either.

Don't let love (a wonderful thing) and hormones (a double edged sword) cloud your judgement when dealing with the government.

Let's be real here guys, the government is out of control, we are NOT "free", and it is our duty to protect ourselves and the one's we love.

 

[craig1928]

getting married because it's what you're supposed to do and it's what your parents/friends/siblings are doing, so you feel obliged to follow suit = the script

getting married because you love your girlfriend and you feel it'll make your relationship better = not the script

--

That being said; it's not for me, don't see the point at all.

 

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[MattR82]

Committing to a person you have good chemistry and compatibility with and such? Not part of the script.

Actually signing a marriage CONTRACT? Yes, script, and a dangerous thing to do IMO.

99% of relationship counseling, advice, books, etc? Yes, script, and will destroy a marriage in a hurry.

It's unfortunate the scripted state of the western world, both culturally and legally, and how it destroys what should be a wonderful thing.

Regardless of anyone's view of marriage, feminism, religion, etc...the fact is that ending a marriage contract can be hugely detrimental to all parties involved (man, woman, children)

My opinion is that men should not fear committing to the right woman, but not have a three-way with a tyrannical oppressive government either.

Don't let love (a wonderful thing) and hormones (a double edged sword) cloud your judgement when dealing with the government.

Let's be real here guys, the government is out of control, we are NOT "free", and it is our duty to protect ourselves and the one's we love.

Perfectly said.

I was married for 5 years but when work put us on opposite sides of the globe for extended periods of time it just didn't work out. When we split there were no lawyers, we just agreed to share the divorce fees. So I don't have a negative experience of it, but it just seems so... pointless. By the by, the fee was 800 bucks (Australia) which is probably much more now. So i have to pay the govt to split up with my girl?! Lol. Made me think how people with not even enough money for food pay for it..

My ex's parents in Sweden were some of the smartest people I've ever met. Madly in love since medical school to this day, father a minister etc. Never married. I just don't see the point.

I won't even elaborate on my cousin who sold his investment property to spend 70k on a wedding.

 

[Kak]

@MattR82 speaking of spending money on a fricking party...

I had a medium sized wedding with people invited and the whole shebang. It probably cost 15 grand. It was also close to the least amount of fun I’ve ever had in a given day.

I would never do it again. Elope. Get married on a beach or a mountain or the frickin moon and don’t invite anyone. Getting married is about the couple, not making guests happy....

Or the government.

 

[MidwestLandlord]

I had a medium sized wedding with people invited and the whole shebang. It probably cost 15 grand. It was also close to the least amount of fun I’ve ever had in a given day.

Before I proposed to my wife, she of course was dropping "hints"

I said, "What kind of marriage ceremony would you have?"

Her "I don't know, something intimate and cheap. Close friends and family only. My sister could make the cake to save money and make her feel helpful too"

I proposed like 2 weeks later lol

Wedding and honeymoon combined cost me about $1,500...we honeymooned in freakin' Minnesota and had a hotel with a leaky roof. Ended up sleeping on the floor cause the bed was soaked from the rain.

Some of our favorite memories together and it was dirt cheap.

Unscripted wedding FTW.

 

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[CPisHere]

Yes, Marriage & kids IS part of the Script. But it's about Society's specific ideas that you should get married and what that entails - not the marriage/kids specifically.

For instance, the idea that Husbands are supposed to sacrifice themselves for their wife & kids, which even our churches push. That's the Script. Men are completely screwed over by the current marriage/divorce system in America. We give away all of our rights and get almost nothing in return. It's a terrible deal.

I believe MJ is not married and doesn't have kids, if that tells you anything.

With that said, there is immense value in a great marriage/family, but better be sure you aren't following Society's ideas around it or you will end up like them - miserable.

 

[NuclearPuma]

You guys may think marriage is a script but if you dig for the truth in the roots of feminism you will find that it's original goal was to destroy marriages and "liberate" woman from men. Its result has been many unhappy and unfulfilled women and men.

The merits of government contract can be debated. But I think the societal and child rearing benefit of strong and proper marriage is huge.

It is also hugely important for the outcome of the children. Children with single mothers by a wide margin perform more poorly in school, are more likely to become an addict, more likely to wind up in jail, just more likely to mis behave and make bad decisions in general.

You certainly don't want to be in an unfulfilling relationship. But don't be jaded and believe that fulfilling monogamous relationships do not exist. They do. BUT they are impossible if you don't have your own life together and if you conform to modern "politically correct" expectations.


1. Modern Scripted Society creates weak men.
2. Modern scripted society creates entitled, egotistical (in their own eyes faultless) women.
3. Pairing an egotistical woman with a weak man results in a miserable unhappy relationship for both.

An unscripted man needs an unscripted woman.

 

[CPisHere]

You guys may think marriage is a script but if you dig for the truth in the roots of feminism you will find that it's original goal was to destroy marriages and "liberate" woman from men. Its result has been many unhappy and unfulfilled women and men.

The merits of government contract can be debated. But I think the societal and child rearing benefit of strong and proper marriage is huge.

It is also hugely important for the outcome of the children. Children with single mothers by a wide margin perform more poorly in school, are more likely to become an addict, more likely to wind up in jail, just more likely to mis behave and make bad decisions in general.

You certainly don't want to be in an unfulfilling relationship. But don't be jaded and believe that fulfilling monogamous relationships do not exist. They do. BUT they are impossible if you don't have your own life together and if you conform to modern "politically correct" expectations.


1. Modern Scripted Society creates weak men.
2. Modern scripted society creates entitled, egotistical (in their own eyes faultless) women.
3. Pairing an egotistical woman with a weak man results in a miserable unhappy relationship for both.

An unscripted man needs an unscripted woman.

I support this message.

Here's a list of quotes from Feminists supporting your assertion.
23 Quotes From Feminists That Will Make You Rethink Feminism

 

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[Bon Appetit]

Marriage have been created by men, it’s an act that have a religious meaning and that is cultural. I understand that and I respect that.

From my point of view, I feel like marriage goes against nature as a human being. For millions of years, humans were not going into lifetime couple alliance. Humans are encoded to find a suitable partner and reproduce in order to pass on genes to the next generation.

First, a marriage don’t have any relation to that observation.

Second, how can you expect marriage to hold for a lifetime when humans have been behave oppositely for millions years? We are talking about mariage history which have couple thousands years VS millions years of human behavior.

Third, society is making a huge business out of marriage, many company have their share, wedding planing business, jewelry business, wedding clothes business, lawyers for divorce case, psychologist helping couple, etc. List is long. Promoting marriage is profitable for everybody, why would people would go against this huge business?

So in one world, yes marriage is Script imo.

 

[Kak]

You guys may think marriage is a script but if you dig for the truth in the roots of feminism you will find that it's original goal was to destroy marriages and "liberate" woman from men. Its result has been many unhappy and unfulfilled women and men.

The merits of government contract can be debated. But I think the societal and child rearing benefit of strong and proper marriage is huge.

It is also hugely important for the outcome of the children. Children with single mothers by a wide margin perform more poorly in school, are more likely to become an addict, more likely to wind up in jail, just more likely to mis behave and make bad decisions in general.

You certainly don't want to be in an unfulfilling relationship. But don't be jaded and believe that fulfilling monogamous relationships do not exist. They do. BUT they are impossible if you don't have your own life together and if you conform to modern "politically correct" expectations.


1. Modern Scripted Society creates weak men.
2. Modern scripted society creates entitled, egotistical (in their own eyes faultless) women.
3. Pairing an egotistical woman with a weak man results in a miserable unhappy relationship for both.

An unscripted man needs an unscripted woman.

BIGTIME Rep+. I wish I hadn’t given so much away so I could give you 500 for that.