How to get over impostor syndrome

[Andy Black]

The easiest way to stop thinking about yourself is to focus on who you’re helping.

When an old lady drops her groceries do you worry about what people think, or do you just run over to help?

 

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[DMass]

100% agree.

It's not about you, it's about them.

 

[Levit]

Agree with that, but even with that in mind, personally, I still struggle.

It always seems to stem from comparison with others, like if you see someone that's just made their first few million at the age of 22 or in a very short amount of time and think "Damn, what is wrong with me that I'm so slow? Maybe I'm not smart enough for this."

It can be hard to let go of that because somehow it feels like to stop comparing you might lose perspective or become complacent, lose some drive from it. Although logically that probably isn't true, it's still a hard thing to let go of.

 

[Dionysos]

That's actually great advice, simple but true!

Just starting out with web design and while I'm a confident guy these thoughts tend to creep up on me sometimes not having any credentials.

Though shifting your thoughts and going from 'self-pity' to seeing it as a win-win situation is very useful in these moments.

I feel like you give so much great advice and value around here. Thanks for that Andy!

 

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[Andy Black]

Agree with that, but even with that in mind, personally, I still struggle.

It always seems to stem from comparison with others, like if you see someone that's just made their first few million at the age of 22 or in a very short amount of time and think "Damn, what is wrong with me that I'm so slow? Maybe I'm not smart enough for this."

It can be hard to let go of that because somehow it feels like to stop comparing you might lose perspective or become complacent, lose some drive from it. Although logically that probably isn't true, it's still a hard thing to let go of.

Comparing yourself to others like that is a symptom of focusing your attention on yourself and not those you serve.

I suspect it’s also a symptom of thinking you’re “not enough”.

A business coach once gave me super simple advice on how to get over the “I’m not enough” thought: Say “I am enough, because I say I am.”

Remind yourself that the market doesn’t gaf how old you are or how much you’re earning (unless you’re selling some info product about making loads of money while 22).

Ask yourself if your self talk helps the people you’re serving, or does them a disservice?

Also, how can you reframe it so you’re delighted for those who succeed? Can you be motivated rather than be demotivated when you see someone pave the way for you?

 

[Andy Black]

I'm a confident guy these thoughts tend to creep up on me sometimes not having any credentials.

“The market doesn’t pay for input.”
- Blaise Brosnan

Your client isn’t paying you for your credentials (an input), they’re paying you for an output (the website).

 

[Levit]

Comparing yourself to others like that is a symptom of focusing your attention on yourself and not those you serve.

I suspect it’s also a symptom of thinking you’re “not enough”.

A business coach once gave me super simple advice on how to get over the “I’m not enough” thought: Say “I am enough, because I say I am.”

Remind yourself that the market doesn’t gaf how old you are or how much you’re earning (unless you’re selling some info product about making loads of money while 22).

Ask yourself if your self talk helps the people you’re serving, or does them a disservice?

Also, how can you reframe it so you’re delighted for those who succeed? Can you be motivated rather than be demotivated when you see someone pave the way for you?

Strangely I do have a kind of double-think going on that you've just pointed out to me. I am always super happy when I see other people succeed, I think that's awesome, but I think the comparison/self-reflection follows that as a bad habit.

You make a valid point though, it actually is still the same. Seeing as I've been putting together a system of new "tiny habits" to develop, I'll definitely be adding one to my list:

"When you find your attention drifting to yourself, practice turning it outward and note how you might positively impact someone else."

Cheers Andy!

 

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[jdm667]

I try to remember that I don't have to be "the world's #1 expert" on a topic to teach others who are not as far along as I am. I am not an impostor just because I don't have the highest credential in a field.

Let's say you want to teach 4th graders how to add or multiply numbers without a calculator (that is, help them to get better at mental math). Do you really need a Ph. D in math to do that?

Nope. A smart high school kid who knows the methods can teach those 4th graders what he already knows (of course, it helps to be a good teacher too).

Don't worry about being the best in the world (at least at first). Just do what you can to help others, and continue to improve as you learn.

 

[Andy Black]

I try to remember that I don't have to be "the world's #1 expert" on a topic to teach others who are not as far along as I am. I am not an impostor just because I don't have the highest credential in a field.

Let's say you want to teach 4th graders how to add or multiply numbers without a calculator (that is, help them to get better at mental math). Do you really need a Ph. D in math to do that?

Nope. A smart high school kid who knows the methods can teach those 4th graders what he already knows (of course, it helps to be a good teacher too).

Don't worry about being the best in the world (at least at first). Just do what you can to help others, and continue to improve as you learn.

Yep. You don’t have to be an expert. Sometimes you don’t even have to be better than the person you’re helping.

 

[BizyDad]

The easiest way to stop thinking about yourself is to focus on who you’re helping.

This tip applies in so many situations.

Feeling nervous at a networking event? Go find someone more nervous than you and help them connect with people.
Feeling nervous meeting your future in laws? Walk into the kitchen and offer to help.
Feeling nervous about posting on the forum? Find threads where you can offer helpful tips.
The thread could be renamed "How to get over yourself".

 

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[Andy Black]

This tip applies in so many situations.

Feeling nervous at a networking event? Go find someone more nervous than you and help them connect with people.
Feeling nervous meeting your future in laws? Walk into the kitchen and offer to help.
Feeling nervous about posting on the forum? Find threads where you can offer helpful tips.
The thread could be renamed "How to get over yourself".

Agreed. I had thought of calling it “How to get out of your own way”. I wasn’t sure which would get more eyeballs.

 

[Itizn]

Always felt the term "imposter syndrome" was just a ritzy way to say someone lacks confidence.