Help Depressed Community Members

[MJ DeMarco]

The point of this thread (don't know if similar threads exist) is this: what would be the one, single advice you would give to a fellow community member who is depressed? Please give your rationale, not just a quote you've borrowed from YouTube or self-help/motivational books. In other words, share your personal advice.

The reason why I've created this thread is because many entrepreneurs fight constant fear, rejection, criticism and so on. Such fights usually inflict many psychological wounds and as a result some of use make fatal decisions during such periods.

So... what would be your personal advice for the fellow community member who is struggling with fear, rejection and criticism? Fellow community member who is about to give up...fellow community member who is abandoned by everyone and sees no light at the end of the tunnel?

Watch about 8 hours of World War documentaries and the men who had to fight those wars (both sides.)

Hard to be depressed after that.

 

[SteveO]

Depression is real and it does hurt. It can be overcome even though it does not feel that way when you are in the middle of it. Some of us have gone through it and come out the other side.

 

[Newpollz]

Depression is real and can become a vicious circle (you are depressed about being depressed). The opposite of depression is vitality but nobody ever mentions it. Amazingly vitality is a virtuous circle, nobody ever mentions that either.

 

[jon.a]

Go get your weight

 

[czach41]

Daily meditation has helped me out a ton. Check out an app called Headspace for your phone. They have a 10 day introductory guide where they guide you on one 10 minute meditation per day.

If you aren't interested in Headspace, you can google "mindfulness meditation" and they will have a lot of guides.

For me, it has allowed me to sit back and acknowledge my thoughts... and let them go. Instead of being affected by everything going on upstairs in the brain, I simply watch it go by. Very peaceful and satisfying.

Regardless of what is happening in business, whether I am doing great or have lots of room for improvement - staying present and just enjoying the moment (which meditation has helped me out significantly) pretty much guarantees that I'm going to be happy.

 

[Almantas]

I agree... we should see our circumstances from different angles and ask ourselves "is the situation really that bad or is our perception of the situation simply creating an illusion of darkness".

A man on a bicycle can cry his eyes out for not having a car while a man next door quietly sits in a wheelchair and dreams to ever walk again....

When I get negative thoughts in my head that tell "you're not good enough", "you're a failure", "you will never find a partner"...I remind myself of people who have born without limbs, sight, hearing etc. and still go through life like warriors, warriors that never surrender...such moments remind me again and again of how strong mind power is and that the major war we all fight in is the war of self belief.

 

[marklov]

 

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[AndrewNC]

The point of this thread (don't know if similar threads exist) is this: what would be the one, single advice you would give to a fellow community member who is depressed? Please give your rationale, not just a quote you've borrowed from YouTube or self-help/motivational books. In other words, share your personal advice.

The reason why I've created this thread is because many entrepreneurs fight constant fear, rejection, criticism and so on. Such fights usually inflict many psychological wounds and as a result some of use make fatal decisions during such periods.

So... what would be your personal advice for the fellow community member who is struggling with fear, rejection and criticism? Fellow community member who is about to give up...fellow community member who is abandoned by everyone and sees no light at the end of the tunnel?

The simplest advice I got from someone when I struggled with this was: "You can choose to feel whatever emotions you choose to feel. And you can choose to not feel the ones you don't."

It sounded too easy to be true....so what did I do?

I went on a 3 year journey deep DEEEEP into personal development, learned, practiced, and gotten results from everything there is on the topic...and none of those feelings are here anymore: fear, rejection, criticism... HA! I laugh at it.

Now, after that 3 year journey and learning all this stuff, and helping others...

I learned that you can choose to feel whatever emotion you want.

Did I need that long journey to develop myself to get past those things, or could I have simply let those emotions go immediately?

Who knows....


Side note - If I was helping someone one-on-one about this - I would not go with such a direct approach like I did here. This reply was must me thinking out loud.

 

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[E-Sharp]

Well first I'd like to ask: are we talking about being depressed? Or having clinical depression? There's a VAST distinction between the two.

Spot on. The distinction is important. The term "depression" is a common way to describe sadness, discouragement, low motivation; things everyone experiences. This is different from clinical symptomatology. It sounds from what OP has written like the former is being described, but a definitive answer wont be found on a forum.

Exercise, meditation, changing your beliefs and your thinking - these are all excellent ideas, but if it's depression caused by a medical condition like hypothyroidism, good luck trying to positive-think your way out of that. Clinically significant depression is not a state of mind you can switch on and off at will.

So the advice to see a doctor is sound- especially if you first try things like exercise, meditation, working with thoughts and beliefs and either a) you're still depressed after doing these things or b) you're too depressed to do them in the first place.

 

[The-J]

Start with structure. When depressed, it can be hard to follow through with something as simple as brushing your teeth.

Wake up at the same time every day, no exceptions. Shower, shave, and brush your teeth daily. Eat three meals a day. Exercise.

Pick up "The Miracle Morning" (this is an affiliate link and the money goes to support the forum). It will give you the morning routine to start your day out right. Since I've started it, I've had a couple 'off-routine' days and they are always the least productive.

Wake up with a singular purpose, every day. Sure, there will be multiple things to do, but you have to wake up with a single purpose. Maybe the purpose for that day is to move your business forward (most days for me are like this).

Exercise. It's in the book, but you need physical exercise. Doesn't have to be running or lifting: it could be a sport, or P90X, or martial arts.

Meditate for at least 10 minutes every day. Mindfulness is a technique where you focus on controlling your breathing. Something I learned at the Summit was to meditate using controlled muscle contractions, as well.

Gratitude exercises, where you think and focus on what you are grateful for, are excellent as well.

If you have a faith, practice it in the way your faith prescribes. Being closer to your God will help get you through trying times.

Most importantly: if you do all of this, for 30 days, and there's been no change in your depression: see a doctor. They will first prescribe you therapy sessions, and your psychiatrist will, if need be, prescribe drugs.

Use these techniques before going to a doctor (unless you're experiencing suicidal thoughts, then go IMMEDIATELY).

 

[socaldude]

Depression is a very serious mental illness. Its a real illness and not something that can be "willed away" or because your "lazy".

If you break your leg people are understanding of that, because they can clearly see, but when your mind breaks people judge you for that because these things are extremely difficult to understand.

Its a catch-22 and leads to very dysfunctional behaviors and thoughts. Its a vicious self-perpetrating cycle.

I highly urge you to seek professional help.

I have suffered from clinical depression and I can share with you what has helped me but this is not medical advice.

-SAM-e supplements, 800mg a day.
-Meditation.
-Reading Philosophy(Ayn Rand, Plato, Marcus Aurelius).
-Healthy diet(No junk food, Fish, Vegetables).
-Learning a new skill(can boost our self-confidence).
-Practice good personal hygiene.
-Moderate exercise(walking).
-Practicing more compassion.
-Keeping a written journal for self-expression.

Overcoming this takes time and work. It took me 2 years to overcome my depression to the point that I was "happy". This is not something that is going to be overcome by reading some pop psychology book.

As to the causes of depression, some science behind it says that your brain has been overstimulated with way too much negativity(Fear, Anger, loss, longing etc.) and not enough positivity. Making you feel like your brain is crushed like an aluminum can. But the exact causes are unique to you, your personal history, and personality dispositions.

At the end of that day only YOU can help yourself. Even if you got to a therapist, YOU have to make an effort to want to get better.

 

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[Almantas]

I have never been a member of a forum that has so many united members. I literally have no words to express my gratitude to all of you. You are like a one big family, thank you everybody

 

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[mrarcher]

In july last year I was left with 50000gbp ($70,000) in debt from a failed business and pennies in the bank. All business debt not consumer. I cant begin to tell you how terrible that felt. Especially since I had never even had a car loan! The only thing that kept me going was knowing that i was the only one who could fix it. Now seven months later I have just over 1K in the bank and zero debt. Some people would look at that as a bad thing. All that work to be left with nothing. Me I look at it as great. If i keep it up I can't wait to see what is in store for me in seven months time. The point is if you feel like crap keep pushing, for a while i lost all motivation but the only way to get through is to get back on the horse. Find something to throw your energy into and you will stop worrying about what has happened as you will be more concerned about what IS happening. Dark times come to show us what we are capable of.

 

[Almantas]

The point of this thread (don't know if similar threads exist) is this: what would be the one, single advice you would give to a fellow community member who is depressed? Please give your rationale, not just a quote you've borrowed from YouTube or self-help/motivational books. In other words, share your personal advice.

The reason why I've created this thread is because many entrepreneurs fight constant fear, rejection, criticism and so on. Such fights usually inflict many psychological wounds and as a result some of use make fatal decisions during such periods.

So... what would be your personal advice for the fellow community member who is struggling with fear, rejection and criticism? Fellow community member who is about to give up...fellow community member who is abandoned by everyone and sees no light at the end of the tunnel?

 

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[TonyStark]

Go see a doctor, and find a therapist in your area.

 

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[Mr.Donnerhuhn]

Well first I'd like to ask: are we talking about being depressed? Or having clinical depression?

There's a VAST distinction between the two.

If you're feeling depressed, well quite frankly the lathered-rinsed-repeated self-helpy advice actually can be useful. Reminding yourself of your goals & purpose, incantation/affirmations, looking at what happened that upset you and pulling the lessons out of it etc... can be quite useful and I recommend it.

Now, Clinical Depression is a much different beast. If you have clinical depression, then you've really got to attack it from all angles. Get a blood test and check for various vitamin/mineral deficiencies, take care of your gut microbiome make sure you've got the right probiotics going on in there. Supplement & diet accordingly. Get yourself a GOOD talk-therapist. Do meditation practices, etc...

This video from Stanford's Dr. Sapolsky is a quite good overview of major depression:

 

[YoungPadawan]

The simplest advice I got from someone when I struggled with this was: "You can choose to feel whatever emotions you choose to feel. And you can choose to not feel the ones you don't."

It sounded too easy to be true....so what did I do?

I went on a 3 year journey deep DEEEEP into personal development, learned, practiced, and gotten results from everything there is on the topic...and none of those feelings are here anymore: fear, rejection, criticism... HA! I laugh at it.

Now, after that 3 year journey and learning all this stuff, and helping others...

I learned that you can choose to feel whatever emotion you want.

Did I need that long journey to develop myself to get past those things, or could I have simply let those emotions go immediately?

Who knows....


Side note - If I was helping someone one-on-one about this - I would not go with such a direct approach like I did here. This reply was must me thinking out loud.

I'm not sure it is as easy as just "feeling whatever emotions you choose you feel." Through my experiences, I believe there are 2 different kinds of depression: situational depression and biological depression.

Situational depression is easy to shrug off, like "it is only a phase that you will get through." In my opinion, biological depression is a different animal altogether. It is something that can affect someone to their very core, it is in their biology, and can affect them to the point of suicide.
."

 

[AllenCrawley]

What do you mean?

Go dig thru @jon.a's posts. He has a great post about it.














Or just click the link in his signature.

 

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[Mattie]

In my case every fear happen. I've been rejected by most. And when you have experienced this, all you have left is to face yourself, have confidence in yourself, and rise above your circumstances. Depression is you seeing things from a negative perspective, and not grabbing on to a higher mindset and getting past your self-limiting beliefs. Not depending on someone else to make you feel good about yourself. It's standing on your own two feet, and knowing the only person who will look after you is you.

 

[Tiger TT]

My experience:

1. Anthony Robbins - Unlimited Power

This book was one of the things that has helped me
whenever I wanted to give up.

2. Seeing positive results of what I was doing also
helped a lot.

3. Also now, when I'm depressed dancing really
helps me forget everything and be happy for
no reason.

When I dance salsa/bachata I think of nothing, I
live in the moment and just dance with women
and be happy

Just go learn how to dance, and when you get
depressed you can go to a party and you can
calm your mind.

 

[Rudynate]

Surround yourself with people who support your mission and remind you how great your are, and who are doing a lot with their lives. I used to think I needed people around me who kicked my a$$, showed me "tough love," kept me humble, etc., etc. I find it a lot more beneficial to be around people who mirror my talents, my strengths and all the other great stuff I bring to the table.

 

[conquer]

There was once a guy from Honolulu. His name was Steve Case.

In the early 80's he read a book about changing the future, making an impact.

He joined a startup called Control Video Corporation. The startups goal was to give Atari owners the ability to download games via phone line and modem. The company nearly went bankrupt.

In 1985, Case and leftover members of CVC founded Quantum Computer Services. They developed online services for Apples and PC's. Eventually they merged both services to become what is known today as America Online (AOL).

Today, Steve Case is worth $1.37
Billion


Oh yeah. Almost forgot. Oprah Winfrey used to smoke crack.

 

[Ninjakid]

I'm not sure it is as easy as just "feeling whatever emotions you choose you feel." Through my experiences, I believe there are 2 different kinds of depression: situational depression and biological depression.

Situational depression is easy to shrug off, like "it is only a phase that you will get through." In my opinion, biological depression is a different animal altogether. It is something that can affect someone to their very core, it is in their biology, and can affect them to the point of suicide.
."

I second this.

Depression is not exactly a bad thing. Just as sickness tells you there is disharmony is your body, depression is often saying there is disharmony in your mind.

The other thing to understand is that depression doesn't always mean there is something wrong with you. There's a variety of biological/environmental factors which can reasonably so cause a person to become depressed.

My advice would be to try to understand why you're feeling this way, while getting counselling to guide you. Once you have a better understanding you can take action to change it.

 

[jsk29]

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...our-life-in-30-days-or-less-guaranteed.50600/

Reading that article by MJ and taking action on it is helping me out a ton.

Printing out the Kaizen sheet and physically marking the X's (measurement of process) gives me grounded confidence based on reality vs temporary feel good based on thin air (eg. motivational quotes).

I've had huge self-image issues in the past and it took me a while to realize nothing will work out until I get this area handled first. (My efforts have always ended in some form of self-sabotage).

 

[Newpollz]

So what I am trying to say is cheer up because as much as you can end up in a loop of shittyness there are equal periods in life in which you will be in endless loops of happyness. Happyness is just the absense of shittyness and vice versa. But I came to realize that in life one can't exist without the other.

 

[FlashJack]

when life get tough I go to meditation, yoga and hiking (being outside reminds me how much we have all around us).

 

[mws87]

what helped me get over it is learning the science behind it. Makes it a hell of a lot easier to pinpoint the causes a.k.a. the shit I need to stop doing (or, start doing).

 

[Jake]

Now, after that 3 year journey and learning all this stuff, and helping others...

I learned that you can choose to feel whatever emotion you want.

See avatar


1. Decide who you’re gonna be. “There’s a redemptive power that making a choice has rather than feeling like you’re an effect to all the things that are happening. Make a choice. Just decide what it’s gonna be, who you’re gonna be, how you are going to do it. Just decide. And from that point, the universe will get out of your way.” - Will Smith

 

[Almantas]

Thanks guys for your amazing insights.

 

[Longinus]

I have a passion for history. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm so rational about life and don't understand why people in the first world can be so down.

Face it:
- When you are hungry, you get some food in the supermarket. You don't even have to think IF there's any food for you.
- You have a roof above your head. You don't even have to make a fire in your house to keep warm.
- You have clothes that you can change and wash.
- You don't have to deal with war. Or hostile tribes that would burn your village to the ground and rape all the women.
- If you're ill, you can go see a doctor.
- You happen to live in an age where information was easily available. I mean, only six hundred years back, the only form of information was hand written by monks.
- Your forefathers killed their enemies, dangerous animals, survived famine, wars and plague. Only to put you on this planet.

Also, you were the winner of the sperm lottery.

That's a 1/500.000.000 chance man!

You won!