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NOTABLE! FTE's Are The Catalyst, Not the Change.

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Lex DeVille

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Today you realize life is shit. You have no money. Your boss is an a**hole. You hate your job. Your family thinks you're a loser. You're drowning under a pile of debt. Your girlfriend left you for a real man with a real job and a real body or whatever.

But unlike other days, today is different because you REALIZE all of this and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

Right then you commit to change. You say, today I stop being such a pussy. Today my life turns around because I see clearly now. I'm tired of this shit and I'm not going to take it anymore! So you form a plan and make a grand proclamation about your failures and the stand you're about to take.

And then... You do nothing.

I like the idea of f*ck this events. I've had plenty of them. But FTE's are a catalyst for change, not the change itself.

They're moments of temporary clarity. Moments when the universe gives you a chance to choose a different destiny. But choice alone does not create change, just as the choice to leap from the tracks will not stop you from being smashed by a train if you fail to leap.

FTE's do not change the actions you have to take or the risks of taking them. They awaken you to the true pain of your situation. They show you how pathetic you really are. But you still have to DO THE HARD PART.

FTE's aren't magic.

Your life does not transform because you have a moment of clarity. You have to choose change, and then find the courage to act upon that choice.

If you cannot find that courage, you are a coward.

And until you find that courage, you will remain a coward, maybe even until the day you die.

FTE's are wake up calls. They're calls-to-action. Not the action itself.

Until you face fear, risk, and failure, and then go forward anyway, everything remains the same.
 

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FMJJ

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A real FTE brings about realizing purpose to a great extent. If your purpose is strong enough, obsessive action will follow. Consistent progress is made when there's sufficient meaning that inspires the process pursued. Most people have meaning that is just about strong enough to justify their pursuit within "Slowlane" or "Sidewalk" constraints.
 

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I think a lot of times a FTE is just being backed into a corner so tight that you just can’t take any more. It doesn’t have to be a moment of clarity and can simply be just the final straw that pushes someone over the edge.

A FTE can come without any form of plan or rational thinking. It can just be a moment in time of not being able to take any more of what’s being dished out and just HAVING to get out. How one copes and moves forward after the event is down to personality, adaptability and general resilience.

A lot will try to go their own way, give up after a few failed attempts and end up back in a similar position as before but in a different company. Often the failure to successfully cut their own path curbs the impulse to cut loose and have another FTE. Or it will take much greater discomfort to initiate it.

There are others of course that plan their FTE. The actual catalyst might be weeks or months before they actually hand in their notice while they plan their exit strategy, carefully considering all the implications. They may well plan out a full timeline to ensure they have things in place to cover living costs etc. whilst they build their business. Often a combination of savings and sweat.

I friend of mine built his entire online business whilst working for a finance company just doing the bare minimum to avoid being saked. He knew eventually they would make him redundant as he wasn’t pulling his weight and the money he received would enable him to pay his domestic bills and also fund expansion.
 

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I agree. FTE’s are the catalyst. They show us the truth of who we are, that we have to change. But most people don’t recognize the dichotomy of the human condition well enough to understand HOW the change takes place.

Everyone has two sides. The side which knows what we ought to do, believes in kindness, courage, nobility and the side which wants us to go be a lazy POS.

The vast majority of ppl aren’t aware or don’t pay attention to this dichotomy.

Every time some new poster here complains of their “failure” what happens? Well-meaning, genuinely kind encouraging folk (I’ve done this myself so I’m at fault too) run into the fray offering heartfelt, passionate, detailed responses about how to “believe in yourself” and “make better habits”. They care and want to help so much! It never works.

Inevitably, we never hear from the OP again. They received all the ego stroking and pumping they’re going to get, from us at least. So they deflate and withdraw.. coming back a week or a month later with more “woe is me” neediness because they’re feeling empty again. So. Empty.


They have to ask for more... “Give me attention! I need help! I need advice!”

but they get less attention the second or third or fourth time around. So they have to go somewhere else. They didn’t GIVE help to anyone, advise anyone, offer anything. They took energy and did nothing with it. Because that’s what feeding a wolf does. They get stronger and hungrier.


So like I said, we have these two sides to ourselves - the good side that thinks about others and the naughty selfish lazy fearful cowering side that likes eating, fapping, sleeping, and going into debt. The human side and the animal side. The good side and the bad side.


The way to be a ruler over your own destiny isn’t by telling your bad side, your personal Giant of Me Me Me!!! just how fantastic he is. Can you imagine telling a ravenous wolf “You’re a good puppy! You just need more petting!”

No. F that.

The way to reign over your life isn’t by capitulating to the selfish Goliath. You don’t tell that side of yourself, that selfish sniveling cruel or clingy side, how it could be a “nicer” person if it tried. You don’t give the terrorist who is threatening your life treats! He’s come to destroy everything you are and leave you a shell. You do NOT give in to his demands like he’s some evil terrifying warlord.. no.

We kill him. Destroy him utterly. Chop off his head and spit on his body and declare the victory.

Recognize Goliath exists.
  1. He’s not you, he’s just part of you.
  2. Kill him by starving him of energy, attention, and focus.
  3. Say no to him often by doing what your better side knows you ought.

And then you wake up the next damn day and go back in to battle again. This never stops. It’s a metaphysical battle that goes on as long as you live.

How do you kill him?

You DON’T FEED HIM.

If you give in to the lazy selfish pos side of you (that tiny cold little cute scorpion that needs a warm bed) you know what happens next? The pos self-sabotaging d!ckhead gets stronger! He’ll pop up at lunch wanting you to stop being productive and notice him again. Say no to him then and don’t give in because if you do? He gets even stronger. Next he’s tempting you, calling to you, whispering to you all so he can paralyze your life.. ANYTHING to stop you from fulfilling your destiny. And do you know what your destiny is?

To rule as a benevolent leader over a home, where people are safe, flourishing, kind, and happy. (This may just be you and your dog and three plants but it’s a kingdom, a place you can be proud of.)

Goliath (your dark side) is a twisty devious bastard and right when you think you’ve beaten him he pops up again as pride or gluttony or self-pitying sadness or ANY of the multitudinous vices that exist in the known world.

The goal of life is to IGNORE the motherfcker and go do unselfish, courageous, good, disciplined, lovely things. THAT’S how you win.

It takes guts to do battle with him. It takes guts to admit that he (this other half of you) is your enemy. It takes guts to say I’m not feeding this wolf today.

Nurture the good side. Tend to the good things. Recognize David.. he is small but he is more than capable. He’s who we’re talking to when we’re trying to encourage people but unless we start with defeating Goliath.. it’s not going to work.

So yea, warriors. All of us, every one.
 

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is it just me who is trying to avoid FTE by building a Fastlane business? (had a little taste of FTE at my internship)
 

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“Tell me what you’ve done and I’ll tell you who you are.”
 

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People realize that they're not where they want to be in life or they wish things were different.

Once they've realized this, what happens?

They go to sleep, go drinking, go partying, carry on their day as usual, etc...

After they realize that they want to change, they don't actually do anything about it. Once you've had a FTE, don't just keep that as a moment of clarity or a "negative feeling". Take actions to get yourself out of that position and into a better one.

Instead of having this FTE and then going back to your regularly scheduled routine, do something different. Get out of your norm.

Basically this:
1604158827909.png
 

MJ DeMarco

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Awesome post Lex, upgrading to NOTABLE.

is it just me who is trying to avoid FTE by building a Fastlane business? (had a little taste of FTE at my internship)

Yes, but that could be part of your PURPOSE. Purpose is what drives action.

The FTE creates a new neurological pathway and clarifies purpose. If your "FTE" did NOT do this, it wasn't an FTE, just a temporary moment of discomfort and anger, a "f*ck this moment."

FTE's are transcendent and a spring board to change.
FTM's are fleeting and just reminds us that we don't like our situation, but not enough to do anything about it. The lure of periodic comfort keeps us there. FTE's cannot be bribed by periodic comfort.
 

alexkuzmov

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Today you realize life is shit. You have no money. Your boss is an a**hole. You hate your job. Your family thinks you're a loser. You're drowning under a pile of debt. Your girlfriend left you for a real man with a real job and a real body or whatever.

But unlike other days, today is different because you REALIZE all of this and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

Right then you commit to change. You say, today I stop being such a pussy. Today my life turns around because I see clearly now. I'm tired of this shit and I'm not going to take it anymore! So you form a plan and make a grand proclamation about your failures and the stand you're about to take.

And then... You do nothing.

I like the idea of f*ck this events. I've had plenty of them. But FTE's are a catalyst for change, not the change itself.

They're moments of temporary clarity. Moments when the universe gives you a chance to choose a different destiny. But choice alone does not create change, just as the choice to leap from the tracks will not stop you from being smashed by a train if you fail to leap.

FTE's do not change the actions you have to take or the risks of taking them. They awaken you to the true pain of your situation. They show you how pathetic you really are. But you still have to DO THE HARD PART.

FTE's aren't magic.

Your life does not transform because you have a moment of clarity. You have to choose change, and then find the courage to act upon that choice.

If you cannot find that courage, you are a coward.

And until you find that courage, you will remain a coward, maybe even until the day you die.

FTE's are wake up calls. They're calls-to-action. Not the action itself.

Until you face fear, risk, and failure, and then go forward anyway, everything remains the same.
I agree with what you say.
My guess is that this thread: HOT TOPIC - Motivate me..! I just can't do the work..! prompted your post.

No amount of advice, motivation or FTEs can shock such a person into action.
People like him are the majority for sure.
Despite how many of them will just ignore anything of substance said to them, I`m really glad that there are people, especially in the forum, who are still willing to spend their time giving advice and motivation, guidance and wisdom for free.

The action fakers (action not-takers?) can go pound sand.
 

Lex DeVille

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I agree with what you say.
My guess is that this thread: HOT TOPIC - Motivate me..! I just can't do the work..! prompted your post.

No amount of advice, motivation or FTEs can shock such a person into action.
People like him are the majority for sure.
Despite how many of them will just ignore anything of substance said to them, I`m really glad that there are people, especially in the forum, who are still willing to spend their time giving advice and motivation, guidance and wisdom for free.

The action fakers (action not-takers?) can go pound sand.

That post is one example of a strange pervasive weakness that has washed over society. For a long time, I thought it was entitlement, but there's something more sinister at work. It extends beyond entrepreneurship.

It's like the scripted path was strengthened over the last several years. Now, fundamental perspectives that have existed for centuries are flipped on their heads. Good is bad. Right is wrong.

Censorship and cancel culture stop people from speaking their minds. Instead, self-censorship replaces telling it how it is for telling it how others wish it to be.

Depression and anxiety are experienced by everyone everywhere. But instead of acknowledging them as states of mind and feelings, they are called "mental illnesses." Instead of individuals developing resources and coping strategies, therapists prescribe pills to suppress emotions and alter personalities.

Men are women. Women are men. Gender doesn't exist. The world is flat. Masculinity is bad. Cops are bad. Everyone is a racist and if you have an opinion on this, you are wrong.

If you step out of line, you are wrong. If you disagree, you are wrong. And don't even think of standing up for yourself, because attack dog critics will be on you like an escaped prisoner.

Everybody is equal. Everybody is special. Everybody can do everything. That's what the news spreads, so that's what sheep repeat to themselves as they level up their avatars and wait for their stimulus check.

Why exercise when fat is the new beautiful?

Men and women have become weak of mind and heart, and I'm not sure there is any single source at the core of it all. Just waves of attitudinal trends that appeal to cowards.

Instead of facing fear, if we redefine success and what it means to live a worthwhile life, then we can skip the risks of taking bold, courageous action and go straight to the finish line where everybody gets a trophy.

This mentality is deeply troubling.

It tricks people into believing that they are capable of anything even if they aren't willing to make the necessary sacrifice. Even if they aren't even willing to take the first step in the direction of discomfort.

What's most troubling is that "we" aren't being lied to by some nefarious entity pulling the strings in any particular direction. Instead, the real lie is from within and that makes it easy to accept and impossible to ignore.

The world is weak.

I don't know where that will lead over the coming decade, but I know that now is the time to become one of the strong. Not everyone will become strong. But those who do will be positioned to dominate the rest.
 

Kevin88660

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Today you realize life is shit. You have no money. Your boss is an a**hole. You hate your job. Your family thinks you're a loser. You're drowning under a pile of debt. Your girlfriend left you for a real man with a real job and a real body or whatever.

But unlike other days, today is different because you REALIZE all of this and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

Right then you commit to change. You say, today I stop being such a pussy. Today my life turns around because I see clearly now. I'm tired of this shit and I'm not going to take it anymore! So you form a plan and make a grand proclamation about your failures and the stand you're about to take.

And then... You do nothing.

I like the idea of f*ck this events. I've had plenty of them. But FTE's are a catalyst for change, not the change itself.

They're moments of temporary clarity. Moments when the universe gives you a chance to choose a different destiny. But choice alone does not create change, just as the choice to leap from the tracks will not stop you from being smashed by a train if you fail to leap.

FTE's do not change the actions you have to take or the risks of taking them. They awaken you to the true pain of your situation. They show you how pathetic you really are. But you still have to DO THE HARD PART.

FTE's aren't magic.

Your life does not transform because you have a moment of clarity. You have to choose change, and then find the courage to act upon that choice.

If you cannot find that courage, you are a coward.

And until you find that courage, you will remain a coward, maybe even until the day you die.

FTE's are wake up calls. They're calls-to-action. Not the action itself.

Until you face fear, risk, and failure, and then go forward anyway, everything remains the same.
I had my own moment of FTE on work ethic a few years back.

Society always encourage to do the right things at a moderation. Work hard. But have balance. Work hard but work smart. Until I noticed that super disciplined and successful people are almost always to some extend psychotic and irrationally hypercompetative.

Whether you like it or not being smart has little competitive advantage today. We live in an era that good information is extremely cheap. The entire evolutionary pressure is on who is more “insane” in doing the right things.
 

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Lex DeVille

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I had my own moment of FTE on work ethic a few years back.

Society always encourage to do the right things at a moderation. Work hard. But have balance. Work hard but work smart. Until I noticed that super disciplined and successful people are almost always to some extend psychotic and irrationally hypercompetative.

Whether you like it or not being smart has little competitive advantage today. We live in an era that good information is extremely cheap. The entire evolutionary pressure is on who is more “insane” in doing the right things.

Is it irrational if their way works or is it irrational to believe that they are psychotic when they produce better results? Are they super disciplined and hypercompetitive? Or are they just disciplined and competitive and others are not? I view this as a matter of perspective.

The modern perspective is to assume that those who achieve greatness must be more "insane" than those who do not. I suspect that the successful person is no more insane than the unsuccessful one. The reverse is probably true.

The difference is that the successful person does what is necessary to rise to the level of power they seek. The unsuccessful person is not willing to do those things and justifies their inaction by stating that others are psychotic based on stepping outside of the bounds of fair play as described by a particular societal context.

But each society defines morality, and right and wrong, in their own way. Those ideas are defined by majority rule, which is enforced by government organizations. What one society says is right and moral, another says is wrong and immoral. So which one is psycho? Each will believe it is the other until one rules the other, at which point that becomes the dominant moral perspective and is no longer the position of insanity.
 

Kevin88660

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Is it irrational if their way works or is it irrational to believe that they are psychotic when they produce better results? Are they super disciplined and hypercompetitive? Or are they just disciplined and competitive and others are not? I view this as a matter of perspective.

The modern perspective is to assume that those who achieve greatness must be more "insane" than those who do not. I suspect that the successful person is no more insane than the unsuccessful one. The reverse is probably true.

The difference is that the successful person does what is necessary to rise to the level of power they seek. The unsuccessful person is not willing to do those things and justifies their inaction by stating that others are psychotic based on stepping outside of the bounds of fair play as described by a particular societal context.

But each society defines morality, and right and wrong, in their own way. Those ideas are defined by majority rule, which is enforced by government organizations. What one society says is right and moral, another says is wrong and immoral. So which one is psycho? Each will believe it is the other until one rules the other, at which point that becomes the dominant moral perspective and is no longer the position of insanity.
I do not see as right vs wrong. If insanity is effective then I will respect insanity. I am not judge-mental on the process, only on the result.

From my observation Some people (a small minorty) are born with personality that is more competitive, more triggered easily by others looking down at them, naturally disgusted and mentally disturbed by imperfection. They even cannot sleep if they lose a computer game. There are the people who never procrastinate and become more successful.

Then you have the rest of “normal people” who spend dollars on seminars, books and workshops on motivations but most remain stuck.

My point is, at a deep level most people need some kind of self-indoctrination to reject the “live and let live” attitude that is by and large ingrained Mentally to be the norm.
 

Andy Black

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That post is one example of a strange pervasive weakness that has washed over society. For a long time, I thought it was entitlement, but there's something more sinister at work. It extends beyond entrepreneurship.

It's like the scripted path was strengthened over the last several years. Now, fundamental perspectives that have existed for centuries are flipped on their heads. Good is bad. Right is wrong.

Censorship and cancel culture stop people from speaking their minds. Instead, self-censorship replaces telling it how it is for telling it how others wish it to be.

Depression and anxiety are experienced by everyone everywhere. But instead of acknowledging them as states of mind and feelings, they are called "mental illnesses." Instead of individuals developing resources and coping strategies, therapists prescribe pills to suppress emotions and alter personalities.

Men are women. Women are men. Gender doesn't exist. The world is flat. Masculinity is bad. Cops are bad. Everyone is a racist and if you have an opinion on this, you are wrong.

If you step out of line, you are wrong. If you disagree, you are wrong. And don't even think of standing up for yourself, because attack dog critics will be on you like an escaped prisoner.

Everybody is equal. Everybody is special. Everybody can do everything. That's what the news spreads, so that's what sheep repeat to themselves as they level up their avatars and wait for their stimulus check.

Why exercise when fat is the new beautiful?

Men and women have become weak of mind and heart, and I'm not sure there is any single source at the core of it all. Just waves of attitudinal trends that appeal to cowards.

Instead of facing fear, if we redefine success and what it means to live a worthwhile life, then we can skip the risks of taking bold, courageous action and go straight to the finish line where everybody gets a trophy.

This mentality is deeply troubling.

It tricks people into believing that they are capable of anything even if they aren't willing to make the necessary sacrifice. Even if they aren't even willing to take the first step in the direction of discomfort.

What's most troubling is that "we" aren't being lied to by some nefarious entity pulling the strings in any particular direction. Instead, the real lie is from within and that makes it easy to accept and impossible to ignore.

The world is weak.

I don't know where that will lead over the coming decade, but I know that now is the time to become one of the strong. Not everyone will become strong. But those who do will be positioned to dominate the rest.
Yeah. I’ve been wondering about this lately. It’s like watching an advanced society eat itself from the inside out.

It’s similar here in Ireland, but thankfully people will often still tell someone to “cop on” if they’re “acting the maggot”.

I suspect social media is at the heart of it. People post for Likes. Keyboard warriors can vomit crap or shame others from the safety of their home or toilet.

It’s never been so easy for the weak willed and cowardly to make themselves feel taller by pulling down those around them.


This is genius:

“level up their avatars and wait for their stimulus check.”
 

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That post is one example of a strange pervasive weakness that has washed over society. For a long time, I thought it was entitlement, but there's something more sinister at work. It extends beyond entrepreneurship...

You've put it in great words. While this development is not new, it is accelerating at a frightening speed. It's like Oswald Spengler's worst nightmares took meth and bad acid.

When I'm looking for reasons for this which aren't on the more...how do I put it...spiritual side of things (like blaming the spasmodic demiurge at work), the only thing I could probably attribute it to is the rise of social media.

Society, after all, emerges from communication. If communication turns into an echo chamber, people turn into deafened idiots.

Joseph Goebbels said that the first and foremost law of propaganda was repetition, repetition, repetition. And of that, you get a lot in an echo chamber.
 

alexkuzmov

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That post is one example of a strange pervasive weakness that has washed over society. For a long time, I thought it was entitlement, but there's something more sinister at work. It extends beyond entrepreneurship.

It's like the scripted path was strengthened over the last several years. Now, fundamental perspectives that have existed for centuries are flipped on their heads. Good is bad. Right is wrong.

Censorship and cancel culture stop people from speaking their minds. Instead, self-censorship replaces telling it how it is for telling it how others wish it to be.

Depression and anxiety are experienced by everyone everywhere. But instead of acknowledging them as states of mind and feelings, they are called "mental illnesses." Instead of individuals developing resources and coping strategies, therapists prescribe pills to suppress emotions and alter personalities.

Men are women. Women are men. Gender doesn't exist. The world is flat. Masculinity is bad. Cops are bad. Everyone is a racist and if you have an opinion on this, you are wrong.

If you step out of line, you are wrong. If you disagree, you are wrong. And don't even think of standing up for yourself, because attack dog critics will be on you like an escaped prisoner.

Everybody is equal. Everybody is special. Everybody can do everything. That's what the news spreads, so that's what sheep repeat to themselves as they level up their avatars and wait for their stimulus check.

Why exercise when fat is the new beautiful?

Men and women have become weak of mind and heart, and I'm not sure there is any single source at the core of it all. Just waves of attitudinal trends that appeal to cowards.

Instead of facing fear, if we redefine success and what it means to live a worthwhile life, then we can skip the risks of taking bold, courageous action and go straight to the finish line where everybody gets a trophy.

This mentality is deeply troubling.

It tricks people into believing that they are capable of anything even if they aren't willing to make the necessary sacrifice. Even if they aren't even willing to take the first step in the direction of discomfort.

What's most troubling is that "we" aren't being lied to by some nefarious entity pulling the strings in any particular direction. Instead, the real lie is from within and that makes it easy to accept and impossible to ignore.

The world is weak.

I don't know where that will lead over the coming decade, but I know that now is the time to become one of the strong. Not everyone will become strong. But those who do will be positioned to dominate the rest.

The world is weak.
Or rather, most are weak, some are strong.
I hate to say it, but weakness and ignorance is an opportunity for the strong.

You may be way too bothered by whats happening in the world.
Yes, cancel culture and the censor frenzy these past few years is out of control.
My guess is that people have always been this messed up, just had no way of showing it, until social media took center stage this past decade.

I think we must help those who are strong, have potential and are willing to be honest with themselves.
They are the people who will actually listen.
The rest are a lost cause.
Rocks drifting in a river of obliviousness. Time wasters.
 

Lex DeVille

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The world is weak.
Or rather, most are weak, some are strong.
I hate to say it, but weakness and ignorance is an opportunity for the strong.

You may be way too bothered by whats happening in the world.
Yes, cancel culture and the censor frenzy these past few years is out of control.
My guess is that people have always been this messed up, just had no way of showing it, until social media took center stage this past decade.

I think we must help those who are strong, have potential and are willing to be honest with themselves.
They are the people who will actually listen.
The rest are a lost cause.
Rocks drifting in a river of obliviousness. Time wasters.

I don't really care what is happening in the world. Just observations. People are going to do what they are going to do. I like to bring up topics like this from time to time so we can discuss them and get different perspectives. Sometimes it turns out I'm the one with a flawed perspective, but how would I know without encountering other perspectives? The tricky part is figuring out when other perspectives reflect real positions versus when they just represent more conformity! :D
 

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258
Bulgaria
I don't really care what is happening in the world. Just observations. People are going to do what they are going to do. I like to bring up topics like this from time to time so we can discuss them and get different perspectives. Sometimes it turns out I'm the one with a flawed perspective, but how would I know without encountering other perspectives? The tricky part is figuring out when other perspectives reflect real positions versus when they just represent more conformity! :D
Not in this case though :D
For sure your perspective is the right one, I share it as well.

On another topic, not entirely unrelated, ever notice the ads for quick and easy weight loss?
Food isnt making you fat, lack of exercise isnt it, your genetics are fine, no no no its this mistery secret thing for which we got the cure for 17.99$.

Its like a trap for weak people, its so diabolical :D
 

schazz

Contributor
Jul 12, 2013
11
20
15
New York
Lex, thanks for writing this.

About not caring about what's going on in the world: I think to some extent that's necessary if you have the perspective on things that you have. Otherwise you'd go crazy worrying about what's going on and where it's all headed.

On the other hand I feel like people who share this perspective do need to care enough to share it with others and try to nudge them out of their slumber, because otherwise with the way things are going, we'll eventually get to a point where exceptionalism in any form is no longer tolerated. Where if you're "better" in any way than others, you'll be punished or handicapped for this and made to conform. It's already happening, as you've touched on in some of your posts on this thread. A prescient short story on where this goes taken to its extreme is Kurt Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron.

Of course in sharing this perspective here, you are helping to open (at least some) people's eyes. I have a hard time with talking to people about these issues because on social media you get torn apart, and even in person I tend not to get far. I feel most people have been indoctrinated enough (through school, media, etc) to look at this as some sort of conspiracy theory. The best I've done on this front is get some nods and acknowledgments that there might be something to what I'm saying, but it ends there.

As to how to leverage an FTE moment into permanent change, I do think it's more complicated than just not being a coward. Maybe not changing does make you a coward, but does admitting that make it any easier to actually change? For most people I don't think so. For me, no. I've done okay in recent years since I started "working for myself," but for most of that time I've known I could do a lot more than I have been doing. I still couldn't do it consistently. I think my experience is shared by a lot of people in modern western society: Low-level depression, low self-worth, really hard on myself, pretty constant negative self talk, not able to translate wins into improving any of those things long term.

I've heard and do believe that to get what you want in life, you need to first believe that it's obtainable for you. Well, I haven't been able to do that, until recently. Earlier this year a woman I've done some group coaching with before (Wendy Hart) told me she was starting a new group to test out a method she was learning from a guy named Charlie Davies (See HOW TO BE CLEAR – Medium for some of his writing). I can't really do it justice here because there is a lot to it, but I'll give an overview.

Essentially the idea is that you create a "soup pot" of everything you want to do/be/have in your life (either in one specific area or your life as a whole). A key with this is to completely separate the what from the how. This is just WHAT you want, not HOW you will get those things. It doesn't matter if you have no idea how something could happen or how you'd accomplish it, if it's something you really want, you put it in.

There are lots of potential prompts to help discover these things for yourself, like who is a person I want to embody? What about them (what qualities) do I want to embody? What do I deeply need and desire? What are things I enjoy doing? What are things I want deep down but haven't believed are possible for me? What do I want to believe or do that I haven't been believing or doing? What are things I want to do but don't believe are possible for me? What are things I loved doing as a kid or envisioned myself doing that I let die? What are the feelings and energies that come with those things (for instance if you wanted to be a pro athlete, what are the things you loved about playing that sport and imagined you'd love about being a pro athlete?).

It took me a couple of months to get a great "soup" together for myself, mostly because I had a hard time starting. Wendy helped me a lot with different aspects of making it better. I think it's invaluable to have outside perspective to see blind spots, help refine, etc.

What do you do with the "soup" once you have it? I read it out loud one to two times per day. Silently if you can't read it out loud. I also recorded mine to listen to myself read it while driving, but I haven't done that much. Mine is pretty long and takes me about 5 minutes to read. I always do it at night and usually in the morning. I now add and subtract things as I feel the desire to. One cool side effect is it's a great way to reinforce ideas and ways of being that I wanted to embody and that in the past I'd file away in Evernote and forget about. I now add them in to my soup. Over time the soup evolves as you do.

What changes have happened? It's been a little over a month, maybe month and a half that I've been doing this consistently. For the first time in my adult life I feel positive more than negative. I have a general low level happiness rather than general low level sadness/feeling down. Negative self talk has almost entirely disappeared. Procrastination has almost entirely stopped. I feel better than I have in years despite not eating/sleeping/exercising as well as I do most of the time due to the amount of things going on at the moment. Confidence has gone way up and the way I talk to clients and prospects has changed, leading to moving a bunch of projects forward that were stalled or just delayed, and lining up a bunch of new potential work. I brought on a developer full time that I've had a great relationship with for years as a contractor. This was a major additional boost for me, and once I brought him on I realized that bringing him on was manifesting a bunch of things from my soup all at once. I definitely would not have brought him on if I hadn't been going through these other changes. Lots of good personal changes too. This is the biggest change I've experienced in my life, and I'm just getting started. I know this isn't going to make everything easy, but it's making progress consistent and me confident that I can solve whatever issues come up.

I share this because I want other people who may be feeling similarly to how I felt for years to know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know other people have gotten the same result from other means. I've tried lots of things and they never worked consistently over time for me. This is the first thing that has. Also, I don't believe that beating yourself up or calling yourself a coward or whatever generally leads to long term change. In my experience it leads to more of the same beliefs and actions that you're beating yourself up about.

I truly believe that a major block to many people going for what they want is a lack of belief that what they want is actually possible for them, or that they're worthy of getting it. And if you don't believe it's possible, even when your back is against the wall, it's hard to translate that into consistent action.

2 sentences that are 2 of my favorite that I have at the end of my soup. I got one of these from Wendy and one from someone else:
There is no limit or ceiling on how good my life can get.
I already am and always was who I need to be to get what I want in my life.

Like I said earlier, a lot went into me getting the success I'm getting from this process, including Wendy helping me get through a few blocks I had. And there are lots of nuances to it. But I wanted to share a bit of what's working for me. Hope it helps someone.
 

Lex DeVille

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About not caring about what's going on in the world: I think to some extent that's necessary if you have the perspective on things that you have. Otherwise you'd go crazy worrying about what's going on and where it's all headed.
On the other hand I feel like people who share this perspective do need to care enough to share it with others and try to nudge them out of their slumber, because otherwise with the way things are going, we'll eventually get to a point where exceptionalism in any form is no longer tolerated. Where if you're "better" in any way than others, you'll be punished or handicapped for this and made to conform. It's already happening, as you've touched on in some of your posts on this thread. A prescient short story on where this goes taken to its extreme is Kurt Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron.

It does seem like many societies want to punish exceptionalism, but I do not think it will reach the extent of total conformity. Societies will collapse before that happens because strong-willed people will break off into smaller tribes that will resist these changes, if not by following the existing rules of their societies, then by forging new societies from scratch by force. This will happen even without threads like this one.

Of course in sharing this perspective here, you are helping to open (at least some) people's eyes. I have a hard time with talking to people about these issues because on social media you get torn apart, and even in person I tend not to get far. I feel most people have been indoctrinated enough (through school, media, etc) to look at this as some sort of conspiracy theory. The best I've done on this front is get some nods and acknowledgments that there might be something to what I'm saying, but it ends there.

Agreed. This forum is one of the few places where people are open to different perspectives. What's interesting is that those perspectives differ, but still fall within the context of the Fastlane Forum tribe. So in a way, they are all part of the Fastlane Forum tribe's one-sided perspective in the bigger picture of things.

As to how to leverage an FTE moment into permanent change, I do think it's more complicated than just not being a coward. Maybe not changing does make you a coward, but does admitting that make it any easier to actually change? For most people I don't think so. For me, no. I've done okay in recent years since I started "working for myself," but for most of that time I've known I could do a lot more than I have been doing. I still couldn't do it consistently. I think my experience is shared by a lot of people in modern western society: Low-level depression, low self-worth, really hard on myself, pretty constant negative self talk, not able to translate wins into improving any of those things long term.
Cowardice results from knowing what has to be done and choosing not to do it for fear of some discomfort. The coward rejects action and rationality in favor of inaction and irrational beliefs. But there really is no such thing as a coward. There are only people who do cowardly things. So in that sense, people can change and being "a coward" is not the fail point.

Failure to change is not a cowardly act. It is the lack of trying at all because of irrational fears that makes an act cowardly. To create change, action is required. Since the coward does not take action, no change, short or long term can occur. If the coward takes action, then he must not be a coward after all!

If someone wants to create change, then they should NOT admit that they are a coward because that is another irrational belief. It is the belief that your identity is "a coward." The rational belief would be to admit that you are a person who has done cowardly things, and you can choose at any time to take different actions.

The challenge is that most people do identify with their definitions. They say, "I am a coward," "I am a failure," "I am a loser," and because they hold those irrational beliefs, the experiences that follow are negative, such as negative self-talk as well as depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness. They have no separation between who they are and what they have done, so they do not conclude that any change is possible and therefore life is miserable.

So for simplicity's sake, I call those who do cowardly things "cowards" but I do not believe that individuals are cowards by nature. That said, it is very common for those who do cowardly things to continue to do cowardly things because the way of the coward is easier than the way of the courageous and bold, and the coward usually has not achieved the necessary separation of self from behavior that will allow them to choose alternate paths.

I've heard and do believe that to get what you want in life, you need to first believe that it's obtainable for you. Well, I haven't been able to do that, until recently. Earlier this year a woman I've done some group coaching with before (Wendy Hart) told me she was starting a new group to test out a method she was learning from a guy named Charlie Davies (See HOW TO BE CLEAR – Medium for some of his writing). I can't really do it justice here because there is a lot to it, but I'll give an overview.
I would agree with this as long as it comes from a place of reason. There are many things that are not reasonably obtainable. No matter how much I practice sprinting, it is unlikely that I will beat Usain Bolt in a race of speed. But were he to slip on a spilled bag of marbles and roll his ankle the night before, then I might have a shot (but that's getting pretty dark!).

Essentially the idea is that you create a "soup pot" of everything you want to do/be/have in your life (either in one specific area or your life as a whole). A key with this is to completely separate the what from the how. This is just WHAT you want, not HOW you will get those things. It doesn't matter if you have no idea how something could happen or how you'd accomplish it, if it's something you really want, you put it in.
I think it's good to identify what you want and be flexible with those expectations. If you hold too tightly to your expectations, it can lead to epic pain when something doesn't live up to those expectations. This is something I've learned a hard lesson in recently but came out better for it.

I share this because I want other people who may be feeling similarly to how I felt for years to know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know other people have gotten the same result from other means. I've tried lots of things and they never worked consistently over time for me. This is the first thing that has. Also, I don't believe that beating yourself up or calling yourself a coward or whatever generally leads to long term change. In my experience it leads to more of the same beliefs and actions that you're beating yourself up about.

It sounds like this approach is working for you. Continuing forward any way you can is not a cowardly act, so even if you've felt depressed or any other negative way about yourself in the past, you can see now that those feelings are not who you are because you have experienced different feelings. This is an important shift to have because it highlights the separation between your feelings and your identity. They cannot be one and the same if your feelings can change and yet you remain.

In any case, what is most important is that you find ways forward that work for you. There are a few fundamental ideas underlying my core philosophy. One of those is use what works!

To that end, sometimes I do find it helpful to call myself a pussy or a coward or a bitch. Some people need to hear that to remind them what they're fighting hard against.

This was my workout yesterday:
  • 3.2 Miles Interval Hill Sprints
  • P90X Legs & Back
  • 100 Pullups
  • 200 Pushups
  • 300 Air Squats
  • Ab Ripper X
  • Interval X
  • 200 Speed Rope

It started around 3:30 AM. Freezing temperatures. Workouts spanning throughout the day. By 2:30 PM when I was halfway through Interval X (which I consider the hardest P90X workout of all) I noticed myself slowing down. Feeling weak. So I called myself out on it. Stop being pathetic. Stop acting like a bitch. Get your shit together. Then, despite knowing the pain I faced, I chose to do more and finished all of my workouts.

I truly believe that a major block to many people going for what they want is a lack of belief that what they want is actually possible for them, or that they're worthy of getting it. And if you don't believe it's possible, even when your back is against the wall, it's hard to translate that into consistent action.

2 sentences that are 2 of my favorite that I have at the end of my soup. I got one of these from Wendy and one from someone else:
There is no limit or ceiling on how good my life can get.
I already am and always was who I need to be to get what I want in my life.

Like I said earlier, a lot went into me getting the success I'm getting from this process, including Wendy helping me get through a few blocks I had. And there are lots of nuances to it. But I wanted to share a bit of what's working for me. Hope it helps someone.
If you choose rational beliefs, then you would not need to believe you are worthy of getting something to be able to get it. You need to know if something is possible for you to achieve, but worth is subjective. If something is possible, then rationally, you only need to figure out the "how" part and then carry out the actions to make it happen. But again, if what you are doing is working...keep doing it! :)
 

Manfern

New Contributor
Mar 7, 2013
2
1
11
31
I think FTE is when it gets clear for you that you are not living the life you want,
had expectations instead of goals and doesn't take appropriate action to fulfill them.
And to change that it's enough to start from acquiring one more skill that brings closer to success or take more responsibility for you life - finally make decisions that were postponed because you were too busy with routine everyday actions.
 

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