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Depressed, No Direction or Motivation..

Anything related to matters of the mind

pastemaker

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I'm really sorry if this will sound lame(especially right now when the world is going through a crisis) but I don't know who else to turn to, it's really difficult to find someone around me who really understands what I'm going through.


I find myself in this situation and I just can't seem to get out of it. I have been in business for over 7 years and have been really lucky that the business is on semi-automatic which has allowed me to work on other projects on the side.

Most of these projects have failed(especially in the last 3 years) which has left me feeling dissatisfied with myself and lost all confidence when it comes to ideas and work in general. I haven't been excited for a project in ages - this is not normal for me. I don't really get ideas anymore and if I get any ideas I naturally get overwhelmed because of the feedback I've been getting for the past few years.


If I didn't have the business to take care of I would honestly try to find a full-time job as I really think it would help me get out of it but at the same time the business does require 2-4 hours daily and if something bad really happens it would require me to do longer hours so it's not really a possibility for now.


To make matters worse I went through a really tough breakup this summer which left me feeling lost, lonely and very depressed. Thankfully I've dealt with those feelings correctly and took the time to heal properly. But I still have other prevailing issues which I need to take care of.


I have plenty of hobbies and goals on the personal side... and when I'm working on those I'm happy but issues arise when I'm sitting in my office alone all day in front of my pc for hours on end just browsing, researching and basically doing jack-all.

My values have changed in the past few years and generally I don't think the world & humanity is going in the right direction so it's been really hard to find any interesting problems to solve with my skillset.

Anyone know what I can do to get myself back on track?


Sorry for the long text and thanks for reading, if you've dealt with something similar in the past and have a short amount of time to write a reply it would be greatly appreciated.
 
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RazorCut

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Anyone know what I can do to get myself back on track?


Sorry for the long text and thanks for reading, if you've dealt with something similar in the past and have a short amount of time to write a reply it would be greatly appreciated.

Two thoughts.

1/ What can you do to build on the one business that you know is successful? Put your efforts into improving and expanding that business rather than diluting your time trying to build something that is likely to fail.

2/ What are you goals in life? What dreams do you have you want to achieve? Are you working towards them or just treading water with no plans? Not having a destination to head towards creates dissatisfaction, disharmony, discontentment.

Search for a meaning to your life. Then plan how to achieve it and set your sails accordingly. At the moment it seems you lack a purpose to your life. And what is life if it has no purpose?
 

pastemaker

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First of all thanks a lot for reading and replying @RazorCut, you are a wonderful human being.

1/ What can you do to build on the one business that you know is successful? Put your efforts into improving and expanding that business rather than diluting your time trying to build something that is likely to fail.

I've already had this problem 2-3 years after I started the business, I realized I was making the mistake of focusing on other projects when there was more potential in mine... In fact when I did focus on it, I grew the business to where it is today and automated almost every aspect. The potential was reached years ago and don't know what I could do to expand more. I have tried thinking of new products that could be created but there's lack of expertise and interest from my side(I know that having interest is frowned upon here but how can I be motivated to research and create something if I'm not interested in it?).

2/ What are you goals in life? What dreams do you have you want to achieve? Are you working towards them or just treading water with no plans? Not having a destination to head towards creates dissatisfaction, disharmony, discontentment.

Search for a meaning to your life. Then plan how to achieve it and set your sails accordingly. At the moment it seems you lack a purpose to your life. And what is life if it has no purpose?

I thought that my purpose was to enjoy the simple things in life & work towards financial freedom so that I could help those in need and teach those who wanted to be taught(But I started questioning this after me and my GF broke up). I do have personal long-term goals that I'm working towards, always - this was the motivator that made me 'sacrifice' a lot of other things in my life. I have enough life experience to know that most good things(whether it's happiness, good relationships or material things) come from hard work, appreciation, sacrifice/compromise & perseverance. I think I've already achieved a lot for my age and I'm appreciative of everything that came my way.

With that said I'm still not really fulfilled with my professional life, I have always loved working and creating value but all of a sudden I've lost the motivation & direction... I just don't know what to work on. I'd be really happy to just get in on the work if I knew what kind of work I should be doing.
 

RazorCut

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You obviously have a strong work ethic.

Maybe some time travelling would provide a fresh outlook. New horizons are often a good place for introspection. Of course now might not be the best time to travel with the Corvid-19 virus in full swing.

It certainly seems like a new direction is needed or are you just suffering these feelings due to the recent breakup of your relationship?

Maybe you need female companionship again? Someone special to share your life with?
 
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jjohns500

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@pastemaker

I know where you are coming from. I was recently in a very similar situation. Currently going through a divorce and I am now back to being a single father of a 13yr old girl. (Wife was stepmother and I have full custody). Not only that but my regular career has slowed to a halt over the last few months. Prior to that I felt like I was on top of the world. I made good money, had a family, great house, tons of motivation and then in the blink of an eye it was gone. I got stuck in lots of self loathing. I moved out of my nice house and I now live in a small apartment; feels like prison. The wife took my dog also. I found myself having to pay for not only my apartment but also my house, add that in with a huge decline in work and I was struggling bigtime. Still am.

There was no magic pill for me. Routine and consistency slowly started to turn things around. Keep going to the gym, if you don't go you better start going now. I am a boxer, so that was my haven. The more I was away the lower I got. I started listening to audio books, some self help and some financial. That is what brought me to this forum. I started soaking up as much information as I could. Writing down daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals every single day. Checking those goals off everyday. I went back to the drawing board on financial freedom and how to get out of this slowlane lifestyle. I don't have it answered yet but I now have direction. I am a sound designer for film and television so I found a market to be able to add value to and I just started doing the work. Every day I questioned myself and felt that I couldn't make anything out of it. I didn't care. I made a commitment to stick to ONE goal. I would see this thru no matter how I felt or how much worse it got. So every single day I woke up and made my list, and just started grinding. I hated it. I was miserable. I used to have passion but it was gone.

After about a month of steady consistent suiting up and showing up I turned a corner. Im nowhere near out of the woods but my desires and motivations are back. We get knocked down, and if you like me you have no other choice but to get back up. Dont beat yourself up emotionally, but be very hard on what you expect from yourself because no one else will be. It's on you. One day at a time brotha! Best of luck to you man. I feel for you.
 

AceVentures

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Sorry to hear about your pains.

Several things right off the top if you haven't already considered:

- Consider your true downside: the number one way to let go for me, has been to consider my existence on this planet as a blessing. All else fails, I'm lucky I even got to exist. Odds were 1 in trillions. And here I am. Alive. We don't even know what it means to be alive, yet here we are, made of matter and energy like everything else, yet we're conscious.

- You can wear yourself out worrying about shit you can't control. As the stoics have it, always remember the dichotomy of control. All else which you cannot control, learn to let go. Harder said than done, but you shouldn't be worrying yourself about the direction humanity is going unless it's helping you come up with a solution to help the situation. If you can't personally make any changes to that situation, quit beating yourself up.

- Practice the fundamentals every single day: wake up early, exercise, read, journal, practice your vision (review your goals or rewrite parts of your ideal future, but keep it at the forefront of your imagination) and have an activity that lets you unplug. This sounds simple, yet the large majority of people still don't do this - people will look for all kinds of crazy strategies for happiness, and ignore the fundamentals you need to practice for overall fulfillment. Don't ignore these. If you look for some other solution, or believe your situation will improve if you don't begin at once to practice the fundamentals, you're fooling yourself. All you have is THIS MOMENT, so learn to live your 24 hours consistently with what is required of you as a human being, a social animal.

- Drink plenty of water and reduce bad foods - this alone can have a big impact on how you're feeling.

- Once you implement changes, give yourself time - recognize lag time can come into play. Don't expect immediate results, and don't get discouraged if you don't see results as quickly as you anticipated. As you continue to remain consistent with your promises, as you cast daily votes towards the person you aspire to be, your commitment to yourself grows, and your confidence/sense of fulfillment will grow as well.
 

Benedict

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Reads like you put yourself under high pressure.

What in your life is alright at the moment?
Which things in your life should NOT be changed?

If you can live from your business at the moment, I would suggest you, as a friend, to take some time out while just managing your main business. I mean, everything is taken care of at the moment. No need to start a side hustle for now.

Did you tell someone "to be spontaneous now!" or someone told you to be? It's paradox. You can't be spontaneous on command.

I think the same is true for creativity. When did you have your best ideas? When have you been most creative?
At least for me, I find, it is when I am relaxed, in the "here and now". For example, when I sit in a cafe on a sunday afternoon, enjoying the sun. That is when I am most creative.
The opposite is: When I "need good, creative ideas, right now!". These are often trash.

What is your current state and how does it really help you finding new ideas?

Maybe taking a timeout for 1-2 months (if you can afford - and it seems you can), I would recommend you do it.

Not sure where you live, but if you have a chance: Maybe go on a 1-2 month hike. Go for the Route of Santiago, for example. Believe me, it washes you clean. It is like a natural therapy. You will grow, strengthen and let go of all old resentments. Not because of something spiritual, but only because when walking (which is really slow) you have SO much time alone with your thoughts - it will be painful - but that is when CHANGE happens.

If you live in Europa and want to do it, just pm me, I could help you find a nice route, if you like.

To sum it up: You are doing really good. Take some time, find your pace.
 
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D

Deleted78083

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Hey buddy,

You are in a situation I have found myself in a couple of times. I thought that what I was doing and my environment were the problems while it was in fact just a mindset influenced by poor lifestyle choices. As crazy as it sounds, food and exercise don't only influence your body, they influence your mind as well.

Here's how I got out:

1. I cut all carbs, gluten, soy and dairy from my diet.
2. I went to the gym.
3. Quit porn.
4. Cold showers
5. I slept more (up to 11 hours a night at some point, I was so tired).
6. I cut out bad relationships and made new friends.


The diet change was by far what helped me most. It was the equivalent of taking the pill in the movie Limitless.

Good luck!

Monfi
 

Tourmaline

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@pastemaker What is your skillset?

Nearly everyone has the same purpose. To help and serve life however they can and/or see fit.

Everything flows from there.
 

pastemaker

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Thank you all for taking the time to write a reply.

You obviously have a strong work ethic.

Maybe some time travelling would provide a fresh outlook. New horizons are often a good place for introspection. Of course now might not be the best time to travel with the Corvid-19 virus in full swing.

It certainly seems like a new direction is needed or are you just suffering these feelings due to the recent breakup of your relationship?

Maybe you need female companionship again? Someone special to share your life with?

I think that travel does solve the problem temporarily, I've had the chance to travel quite a lot these past few years... and while I'm traveling I feel really happy, confident & motivated but within 2 weeks of getting into my normal routine , I end up exactly where I started.

I did miss female companionship the first few weeks after the breakup(and I still do to some degree) but to be honest for the time being I don't really want to be in a relationship with anyone. I don't think it would be wise considering the state I'm in.

@pastemaker

I know where you are coming from. I was recently in a very similar situation. Currently going through a divorce and I am now back to being a single father of a 13yr old girl. (Wife was stepmother and I have full custody). Not only that but my regular career has slowed to a halt over the last few months. Prior to that I felt like I was on top of the world. I made good money, had a family, great house, tons of motivation and then in the blink of an eye it was gone. I got stuck in lots of self loathing. I moved out of my nice house and I now live in a small apartment; feels like prison. The wife took my dog also. I found myself having to pay for not only my apartment but also my house, add that in with a huge decline in work and I was struggling bigtime. Still am.

There was no magic pill for me. Routine and consistency slowly started to turn things around. Keep going to the gym, if you don't go you better start going now. I am a boxer, so that was my haven. The more I was away the lower I got. I started listening to audio books, some self help and some financial. That is what brought me to this forum. I started soaking up as much information as I could. Writing down daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals every single day. Checking those goals off everyday. I went back to the drawing board on financial freedom and how to get out of this slowlane lifestyle. I don't have it answered yet but I now have direction. I am a sound designer for film and television so I found a market to be able to add value to and I just started doing the work. Every day I questioned myself and felt that I couldn't make anything out of it. I didn't care. I made a commitment to stick to ONE goal. I would see this thru no matter how I felt or how much worse it got. So every single day I woke up and made my list, and just started grinding. I hated it. I was miserable. I used to have passion but it was gone.

After about a month of steady consistent suiting up and showing up I turned a corner. Im nowhere near out of the woods but my desires and motivations are back. We get knocked down, and if you like me you have no other choice but to get back up. Dont beat yourself up emotionally, but be very hard on what you expect from yourself because no one else will be. It's on you. One day at a time brotha! Best of luck to you man. I feel for you.


I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, I'm glad that you found your motivation again. I hope you come out of it a stronger person.

Routine helps a lot, I don't know what I would have done with myself if I didn't have training to wake up to. I've been routinely exercising for the past 10 years and since it's a top priority for me, seldom comes a day where training is skipped.

Sticking to one goal is really good advice, I do have a habit of trying to do many things at once.

Thanks for sharing, I know it's just a rough patch but I never thought I could end up in this state and take so long to recover.


Sorry to hear about your pains.

Several things right off the top if you haven't already considered:

- Consider your true downside: the number one way to let go for me, has been to consider my existence on this planet as a blessing. All else fails, I'm lucky I even got to exist. Odds were 1 in trillions. And here I am. Alive. We don't even know what it means to be alive, yet here we are, made of matter and energy like everything else, yet we're conscious.

- You can wear yourself out worrying about shit you can't control. As the stoics have it, always remember the dichotomy of control. All else which you cannot control, learn to let go. Harder said than done, but you shouldn't be worrying yourself about the direction humanity is going unless it's helping you come up with a solution to help the situation. If you can't personally make any changes to that situation, quit beating yourself up.

- Practice the fundamentals every single day: wake up early, exercise, read, journal, practice your vision (review your goals or rewrite parts of your ideal future, but keep it at the forefront of your imagination) and have an activity that lets you unplug. This sounds simple, yet the large majority of people still don't do this - people will look for all kinds of crazy strategies for happiness, and ignore the fundamentals you need to practice for overall fulfillment. Don't ignore these. If you look for some other solution, or believe your situation will improve if you don't begin at once to practice the fundamentals, you're fooling yourself. All you have is THIS MOMENT, so learn to live your 24 hours consistently with what is required of you as a human being, a social animal.

- Drink plenty of water and reduce bad foods - this alone can have a big impact on how you're feeling.

- Once you implement changes, give yourself time - recognize lag time can come into play. Don't expect immediate results, and don't get discouraged if you don't see results as quickly as you anticipated. As you continue to remain consistent with your promises, as you cast daily votes towards the person you aspire to be, your commitment to yourself grows, and your confidence/sense of fulfillment will grow as well.

I do practice stoicism, in fact nowadays I am accepting of everyone as they are and everything as it is without trying to change anything... but that doesn't make you anymore connected to the world around you. How can I dedicate my time towards something that absolutely doesn't benefit the world in the long-term? That's just a waste of time if you ask me.

As for diet & fundamentals, I already have those covered - but I could improve on the mental side of things, especially the way I talk to myself.

Really sound advice, thank you @AceVentures

Reads like you put yourself under high pressure.

What in your life is alright at the moment?
Which things in your life should NOT be changed?

If you can live from your business at the moment, I would suggest you, as a friend, to take some time out while just managing your main business. I mean, everything is taken care of at the moment. No need to start a side hustle for now.

Did you tell someone "to be spontaneous now!" or someone told you to be? It's paradox. You can't be spontaneous on command.

I think the same is true for creativity. When did you have your best ideas? When have you been most creative?
At least for me, I find, it is when I am relaxed, in the "here and now". For example, when I sit in a cafe on a sunday afternoon, enjoying the sun. That is when I am most creative.
The opposite is: When I "need good, creative ideas, right now!". These are often trash.

What is your current state and how does it really help you finding new ideas?

Maybe taking a timeout for 1-2 months (if you can afford - and it seems you can), I would recommend you do it.

Not sure where you live, but if you have a chance: Maybe go on a 1-2 month hike. Go for the Route of Santiago, for example. Believe me, it washes you clean. It is like a natural therapy. You will grow, strengthen and let go of all old resentments. Not because of something spiritual, but only because when walking (which is really slow) you have SO much time alone with your thoughts - it will be painful - but that is when CHANGE happens.

If you live in Europa and want to do it, just pm me, I could help you find a nice route, if you like.

To sum it up: You are doing really good. Take some time, find your pace.

The way you explained creativity makes total sense and I'm going to try to stop forcing myself to do certain things, maybe some relaxing is what I need.

I've done trekking before(Annapurna Base camp), in fact I just returned from a weekend hike with my friends and it always helps with clearing my thoughts. The problem is that when I'm back into my routine everything returns to normal :/ Maybe it's because I still live with my parents(I sleep and work in the same room) but I'm working on fixing this - I just bought a house and will start renovation soon.

Glad you suggested Camino de Santiago as I've been thinking about doing that actually(Once it's a safe to travel again).


Hey buddy,

You are in a situation I have found myself in a couple of times. I thought that what I was doing and my environment were the problems while it was in fact just a mindset influenced by poor lifestyle choices. As crazy as it sounds, food and exercise don't only influence your body, they influence your mind as well.

Here's how I got out:

1. I cut all carbs, gluten, soy and dairy from my diet.
2. I went to the gym.
3. Quit porn.
4. Cold showers
5. I slept more (up to 11 hours a night at some point, I was so tired).
6. I cut out bad relationships and made new friends.


The diet change was by far what helped me most. It was the equivalent of taking the pill in the movie Limitless.

Good luck!

Monfi


Hey @mon_fi, thanks for the reply. You are right basics do make a huge difference and most of the things you mentioned have been part of my daily routine for years.

1. This is still on and off in the sense that I've experimented with this before and didn't see much change apart from the pyshical aspect. I suspect that I'm allergic to gluten or wheat, it seems that my eczema flares up when I eat gluten/wheat. The thing is that it's really hard to cut this down in my country if one wants to socialize.
2. I already do gym, running, BJJ, football & trekking.
3. I don't really do Porn, was never a big fan.
4. I do have cold showers but not daily.
5. I sleep a lot(not 11 hours though) but the quality of sleep is probably low - I wake up multiple times and started having anxiety attacks while sleeping after the breakup.
6. I have different groups of friends at the moment and even though I sometimes feel disconnected, I still enjoy their company... But still seeking to make new connections whenever I can.

I'm glad that diet made a significant impact in your life, unfortunatly I don't think I can make much changes to my diet - I've been eating healthy for more than 10 years now(Much cleaner in the last 4).


@pastemaker What is your skillset?

Nearly everyone has the same purpose. To help and serve life however they can and/or see fit.

Everything flows from there.

I am a developer by profession but have learned other things as well. I have vast interests but am not especially good in one single thing.
 
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Sandholdt

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Maybe it would be fun AND beneficial for you to take on some kind of "apprentice" who you can teach about your business.

Who knows .. A new set of eyes may have some alternate way of doings things. Also new ideas might pop in to your head while explaining some of all the silly questions he may have.

I think passing on knowledge gives fulfillment, and might be impactful in getting you out of your daily routine when working your business.


Also you may find it interesting to be able to see a person light up with hope for the future based on your learnings and ways of thinking ...
 

Benedict

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The way you explained creativity makes total sense and I'm going to try to stop forcing myself to do certain things, maybe some relaxing is what I need.

I've done trekking before(Annapurna Base camp), in fact I just returned from a weekend hike with my friends and it always helps with clearing my thoughts. The problem is that when I'm back into my routine everything returns to normal :/ Maybe it's because I still live with my parents(I sleep and work in the same room) but I'm working on fixing this - I just bought a house and will start renovation soon.

Glad you suggested Camino de Santiago as I've been thinking about doing that actually(Once it's a safe to travel again).


Glad to hear it makes sense to you. I can tell you out of my own experience that having work and private/free time and even sleep in the same room or even appartment needs a VERY HIGH LEVEL of consciousness of "switching states and gears".

  • In my appartment I have my desk and my laptop. That area and the laptop is exclusively used for work. No fun stuff, no youtube, nothing else. Not even porn ;)
  • Next to it is my sofa, TV - that is only a few meters away. But that is the area I only do fun/free time stuff.
  • I also use "uniforms" to switch "identities" (business-me/ freetime-me). That means I wear specific clothes only when I work and switch them once I finish work for the day. That is another very important point:
  • When do you begin work and when do you finish work. You see, if there is no time limit for the day, our brain is out of control and has no direction. It doesn't know when "work-thinking" is over and allowed to move in the background and when "freetime-brainmode" is on. This way, you are NEVER off.
We need, as humans, phases where we create, use energy and phases where we regenerate and do routine stuff. I can't stress this enough. All those points above are just ways to signal yourself and your brain when you enter and leave those phases.

I highly recommend you: If possible, find a room or even (much) better a location out side of your house that you declare your working space. Even if just for a few months, this teaches your brain, the principle described.

Especially in times of stress - this can work miracles.

Because on one side you know: Now I work, I can put in energy for 4 hours and afterwards, this afternoon I can go home and relax, enjoy, play games, hang with friends... (whatever recharges your body, sould and mind)"
 

Tourmaline

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I am a developer by profession but have learned other things as well. I have vast interests but am not especially good in one single thing.

Being a developer gives you quite a range of versatility.

What big problems would you like to contribute towards solving in the world?

It can help to write out a few times, 'A big problem in the world is' and then write whatever comes to mind.

This will potentially give you a mission. Which will lead to direction and motivation. You can then take your developer or other skills, or build new skills, to help with your mission.
 
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