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GOLD! Can this thread save your life, and perhaps countless others? Yes.

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MJ DeMarco

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I write this with a heavy heart.

It has come to my attention that a forum member with some pretty good post history was recently involved in a tragedy that resulted in the death of innocent person due to this person's alleged negligence. In short, alleged drunk driving and driving the wrong way on a freeway. The result of this poor decision was someone was killed, and this person arrested and possibly charged with some serious offenses.

In short, many lives have been destroyed due to ONE POOR DECISION.

While it is difficult for me to write this post, it needs to be done because it just might SAVE LIVES. And if it saves lives, it will save a lot of other lives from the tragedy and turmoil that will certainly follow -- not just for the victim and his family, but the person who made the poor choice.

This was a topic in my recent book and had its own chapter.

I called it a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event... how 1 bad choice can erase 100s of good choices, and irrevocably change your life forever. And others.

I'm going to post the chapter here for your reading.

Again, I wasn't sure if I should post this but then thought, if this thread can SAVE ONE LIFE (and many others) then it is worth it.

D.A.R.E stands for "Downside Asymmetric Risk Event" -- here is the chapter.

The D.A.R.E. STRATEGY

After three vodka tonics, I felt light and free. I’d just met a woman on an internet date, and the meeting went fantastic. Eye contact, engaged conversation, a few hair-flips; my ego was surging with confidence. I hopped into my 850-horsepower Viper and started the drive home. Five minutes later, my car was wrapped around a twenty-foot date palm, destroyed. But my life, luckily, was not.

What happened? With a hot ego and lowered inhibitions, I thought I’d street-race a throaty Mustang. I throttled hard, spun out, and crossed into oncoming traffic, broad siding a tree. In hindsight, I failed to recognize a DARE, or a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event.

If you haven’t noticed, asymmetry is a big theme behind a great rat race escape. A Downside Asymmetric Risk Event is when your choices have best ndworst-case consequences that are unevenly skewed negatively: minimal upside, colossal downside. It is a failure at consequential-thinking. When I’m street-racing on a crowded city street in a car sauced with nitrous, my upside is a fleeting burst of adrenaline and a superficial ego boost. Ten seconds of fun, eh? The downside is I crash and kill myself. Or someone else. The downside is catastrophic and lasting, perhaps eternal. The risk of this action (street racing) and its outcomes are disastrously asymmetrical. Remember, one poor decision can invalidate thousands of good ones.

Whenever you fail to identify a DARE, which could be a literal dare: I dare you to jump off the cliff, I dare you to eat the whole bag of marijuana gummies, you’re playing Russian Roulette. Your lousy decision loads the gun. While there’s a decent chance you can escape the consequences of your poor choice, there’s also a chance you’ll blow your head off. While none of us would willingly
play Russian Roulette with a loaded gun, you are whenever you make poor choices. A DARE becomes a bullet.

Remember that medical-device CFO who thought he would video himself chiding a Chick-fil-A employee at a drive-in window? A DARE loaded the gun. His upside was some likes and comments from anonymous strangers on YouTube; his downside was losing his career and life savings. He spun the barrel and lost. Remember, as Unscripted entrepreneurs, we’re trying to manipulate probability and have asymmetry work for us, not against us.

However, the real danger of DAREs are risks that are hidden or not easily forecasted—or asymptomatic risk. For instance, if you’re speeding on the interstate from Colorado into Kansas with a broken taillight and a pound of weed in your trunk, your DARE is asymptomatic and very asymmetrical. The catastrophe is not easily seen: getting stopped by police and thrown into jail for months, perhaps years.

Similarly, the new buzzword worthy of clickbait headlines on financial websites nowadays is this concept called FIRE—or Financial Independence Retire Early. With a ten-year bull-market behind us, this movement is based on the compound interest scamP6—living frugally during your youthful working years while saving and investing most of it in the stock market. The hope is to “retire early” and continue living the same frugal existence based on presumed growth rates and systematic withdrawals. Participants call this financial independence—I call it financial dependence. Why? The risk is asymptomatic and asymmetric. If the stock market crashes or goes into a three- or five-year recession, retirement turns into a reckoning. OMG, my life savings are gone! OMG, my withdrawal calculations didn’t account for three years of negative returns!

While I respect the movement’s central tenet, freedom, denial of reality is best served asymmetrically. There is a 100 percent certainty that the stock market will eventually crash, and with it, life savings will too. While most markets eventually recover, most people can’t survive the duration. Freedom is the right neighborhood—relying on the stock market for that freedom is the wrong house. Newsflash: changing the prison warden doesn’t change the prison. Swapping your slave-owner from a corporate job to Wall Street doesn’t change slavery. In other words, FIRE is a DARE. Bullet, meet barrel.

As an Unscripted Entrepreneur, stock market crashes or economic recessions are not DAREs. If the stock market crashed tomorrow by 50 percent or didn’t earn positively for the next thirty years, my lifestyle wouldn’t change. I don’t have to update the resume and hunt for a job. There is no DARE. In fact, during the C0VlD-19 pandemic, my income didn’t drop. It went up.
Bet on it: The better you manage—or preferably, eliminate—asymmetrical and asymptomatic DAREs, the better life you will have. Life as an entrepreneur is filled with risk. The question is, are the chances you’re risking worth the best- and worst-case outcomes? Are you risking everything for twenty minutes behind a red curtain at the back of a sleazy strip club? What kind of probabilities and expected valuesS56 are you dealing with? Think consequentially for a few seconds, and you will expose the DARES.

And avoid the stupid games that have stupid prizes.

As for who this is, I will NOT post this person's real name or username simply because it won't change what happened. If that information is important to you, you are welcome to seek your own channels for that information. Please don't post it here, news reports, or anything else. Again, it won't change what happened and put things back to normal.

Bottomline, our actions and their consequences can extend to other people beyond ourselves. THINK before you ACT. When I think about this incident and how many lives that will never be same, you truly learn to respect the gravity of our choices.

A truly sad, devastating, and tragic situation.

Be smart people, stay safe, and learn how to spot DAREs that can fire because of ONE bad choice.... one day it might save your life, or someone else.


EDIT: Here is a link to the memorial fund for the victim. If you feel it in your heart, please donate a few dollars.

 
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MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 970000" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
I write this with a heavy heart.

It has come to my attention that a forum member with some pretty good post history was recently involved in a tragedy that resulted in the death of innocent person due to this person's alleged negligence. In short, alleged drunk driving and driving the wrong way on a freeway. The result of this poor decision was someone was killed, and this person arrested and possibly charged with some serious offenses.

In short, many lives have been destroyed due to ONE POOR DECISION.

While it is difficult for me to write this post, it needs to be done because it just might SAVE LIVES. And if it saves lives, it will save a lot of other lives from the tragedy and turmoil that will certainly follow -- not just for the victim and his family, but the person who made the poor choice.

This was a topic in my recent book and had its own chapter.

I called it a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event... how 1 bad choice can erase 100s of good choices, and irrevocably change your life forever. And others.

I'm going to post the chapter here for your reading.

Again, I wasn't sure if I should post this but then thought, if this thread can SAVE ONE LIFE (and many others) then it is worth it.

D.A.R.E stands for "Downside Asymmetric Risk Event" -- here is the chapter.



As for who this is, I will NOT post this person's real name or username simply because it won't change what happened. If that information is important to you, you are welcome to seek your own channels for that information. Please don't post it here, news reports, or anything else. Again, it won't change what happened and put things back to normal.

Bottomline, our actions and their consequences can extend to other people beyond ourselves. THINK before you ACT. When I think about this incident and how many lives that will never be same, you truly learn to respect the gravity of our choices.

A truly sad, devastating, and tragic situation.

Be smart people, stay safe, and learn how to spot DAREs that can fire because of ONE bad choice.... one day it might save your life, or someone else.
Thanks for posting MJ.

I've seen lives similarly damaged through one poor decision. It's never just one life that's affected either.
 

Kelvin Fernandez

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MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 970000" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
I write this with a heavy heart.

It has come to my attention that a forum member with some pretty good post history was recently involved in a tragedy that resulted in the death of innocent person due to this person's alleged negligence. In short, alleged drunk driving and driving the wrong way on a freeway. The result of this poor decision was someone was killed, and this person arrested and possibly charged with some serious offenses.

In short, many lives have been destroyed due to ONE POOR DECISION.

While it is difficult for me to write this post, it needs to be done because it just might SAVE LIVES. And if it saves lives, it will save a lot of other lives from the tragedy and turmoil that will certainly follow -- not just for the victim and his family, but the person who made the poor choice.

This was a topic in my recent book and had its own chapter.

I called it a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event... how 1 bad choice can erase 100s of good choices, and irrevocably change your life forever. And others.

I'm going to post the chapter here for your reading.

Again, I wasn't sure if I should post this but then thought, if this thread can SAVE ONE LIFE (and many others) then it is worth it.

D.A.R.E stands for "Downside Asymmetric Risk Event" -- here is the chapter.



As for who this is, I will NOT post this person's real name or username simply because it won't change what happened. If that information is important to you, you are welcome to seek your own channels for that information. Please don't post it here, news reports, or anything else. Again, it won't change what happened and put things back to normal.

Bottomline, our actions and their consequences can extend to other people beyond ourselves. THINK before you ACT. When I think about this incident and how many lives that will never be same, you truly learn to respect the gravity of our choices.

A truly sad, devastating, and tragic situation.

Be smart people, stay safe, and learn how to spot DAREs that can fire because of ONE bad choice.... one day it might save your life, or someone else.
I know you said you wouldn't post the username or the person's name but any hint on how to find this information in outside channels? I would like to know who it was. If someone can PM and if this breaks a rule, please disregard.
 

Ronak

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Sad.

The massive downside risk of alcohol is one of the big reasons I choose to abstain totally. Logically, it makes perfect sense-- little upside, huge cost over time, and russian roulette level downside.

Texting and driving is another seemingly benign decision that can have massive consequences.

Be careful out there!
 

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I know you said you wouldn't post the username or the person's name but any hint on how to find this information in outside channels? I would like to know who it was. If someone can PM and if this breaks a rule, please disregard.
Nothing stays secret forever. Let this person's "due process" play out first. Sometimes things are not as they seem.
 

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Sad.
But a needed reminder. Sometimes a social drink turns into many. We must commit to a decision in advance of having too little “brain” for making the right call.

I barely ever drink, like 6 times a year! Meaning that when I have alcohol, I’m drunk fast. Lightweight. Even with just two drinks, I need time before I can drive.

Stay smart and safe Fastlaners.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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I'd like to stress that everything is alleged ... regardless of the outcome and/or whoever is responsible, the thread's main point remains the same which is what I'd like to stress: One impetuous poor decision that takes moments can transcend decades.

I know you said you wouldn't post the username or the person's name but any hint on how to find this information in outside channels? I would like to know who it was. If someone can PM and if this breaks a rule, please disregard.

Maybe someone can message you, but as I stated, the essence of the story doesn't change.
 

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Represented a physcian in a divorce not that long ago. Had a succesful practice. Military veteran. Two young kids. Handsome fellow. Mid-30s. Charming. No shortage of beautiful women would have been throwing themselves at him in short order. Dude had it made.

And (then) this knucklehead gets busted by the FBI for soliciting a 14 year old online.

Tragic. Threw his life away over something so incredibly stupid. Such a shame.

Asymetrical risks ...
 

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A great reminder. I know someone who was tragically affected by a drunk driver. Some fates are arguably worse than death. No good maximizing the chance of one of those.

I also try not to drive when the bars are letting out. 3am and such. It doesn't even have to be you... other people are out there maximizing the chance of a terrible thing, and there are identifiable patterns you can use to avoid them.
 

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Sad for everyone involved.

So many traps in life. Hard to have a preventative model in place to make good decisions. You have to be careful with alcohol as it’s behaviorally disinhibiting.


Dude had it made

I was thinking about this the other day. If someone doesn’t have a solid moral philosophy or some kind of model of “truth”. They will eventually do stupid stuff like that. Same goes for drunk driving. The model of truth society gave you is not enough. You need a solid binary perception that guides you through life. You have to have some kind of ethos or moral inhibition.
 
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I also try not to drive when the bars are letting out. 3am and such.
That never occurred to me. Not that I’m ever out that late, but I’ll bear it in mind in future.
 

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A great reminder. I know someone who was tragically affected by a drunk driver. Some fates are arguably worse than death. No good maximizing the chance of one of those.

I also try not to drive when the bars are letting out. 3am and such. It doesn't even have to be you... other people are out there maximizing the chance of a terrible thing, and there are identifiable patterns you can use to avoid them.

Im the same way ( early morning driving ), but I add on top of it I won't let my wife or kids drive on holidays or certain events like:

1. State or county fair nights
2. New Years night/ early morning
3. St Pattys Day
etc
 

mdot

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Im the same way ( early morning driving ), but I add on top of it I won't let my wife or kids drive on holidays or certain events like:

1. State or county fair nights
2. New Years night/ early morning
3. St Pattys Day
etc
Not drunk driving related, but I'll usually call in or delay going into work on the first snow day of the year. Not as many people have snow tires and everyone forgets how to drive in the snow after the summer.
 

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As well as being a wake up call for us to beware making bad choices, there’s some great advice in here about protecting ourselves from *other* people’s bad choices.

If this thread just saves one person from becoming a statistic then it’s a great example of a positive asymmetrical choice by those who contributed.
 

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Also the recent tragedy with the cinematographer and Alec Baldwin springs to mind. Who is responsible for that? Alec Baldwin for picking up what he perceived t be an empty gun and playing with it? The p0rop person for making sure it was EMPTY.

Another bad decision by somebody and a life is lost needlessly. Also, research the deaths of Brandon Lee and Jon Eric Hexum. No one learns and no one takes responsibility and thinks things out beforehand
.
 
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sambreaker20

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Not drunk driving related, but I'll usually call in or delay going into work on the first snow day of the year. Not as many people have snow tires and everyone forgets how to drive in the snow after the summer.

I feel you on this one. Always accidents in the first snow fall
 

MJ DeMarco

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As well as being a wake up call for us to beware making bad choices, there’s some great advice in here about protecting ourselves from *other* people’s bad choices.

If this thread just saves one person from becoming a statistic then it’s a great example of a positive asymmetrical choice by those who contributed.

This was the impetus of the post, not to pile on or point fingers. If someone "thinks twice" about making a bad decision, it could save many lives, not just through preserving life, but about the emotional destruction left behind for survivors.
 
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I was deeply impacted from some of your writings in Unscripted - your story with motorcycles got me to ditch my fantasies of riding around town on fast bikes.

I've found them to be some of the truest bits of wisdom to carry: in a world where the cost of self-preservation for basic survival is widely practical, the only thing you need to do is not die or go to jail.

For there is so much beauty that can be experienced in this life - all we need to do is relax and take it in. I'm much more interested in preserving my livelihood such that I may glimpse at the future we're building.

Driving is the most dangerous thing I do - I am on high alert and have become incredibly defensive in my driving. For one, I hardly drive, and if I do, I am hyper-aware. I don't listen to music, I keep my attention at all times on my surrounding, how many cars are around me, how each one is driving, who the drivers are, how their simple maneuvers inform me about their level of awareness, and I assume every driver is a dangerous idiot with the capacity to kill me with their misguided decisions. Just look into the cars around you - 80%+ are on their phones! This is madness - we're afraid of guns but allow any unaware idiot to carry all of this momentum in our physical space without a second thought.

Stay vigilant friends - and many thanks for the reminder MJ.
 

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Also the recent tragedy with the cinematographer and Alec Baldwin springs to mind. Who is responsible for that? Alec Baldwin for picking up what he perceived t be an empty gun and playing with it? The p0rop person for making sure it was EMPTY.

Another bad decision by somebody and a life is lost needlessly. Also, research the deaths of Brandon Lee and Jon Eric Hexum. No one learns and no one takes responsibility and thinks things out beforehand
.
Alec Baldwin's accident could have happened to anyone who is not familiar with firearms. He delegated the responsibility for checking the gun to the prop master and assistant director, but he trusted the wrong people, and he wasn't familiar enough with guns to be in the habit of checking the gun himself. End result is this entirely predictable tragedy.

I wasn't raised knowing about guns, but I made sure to learn as soon as I was 18. I don't shoot anymore, and it's not a part of my life, but gun safety is permanently etched into my brain.
 

Tim Conti

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MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 970000" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
I write this with a heavy heart.

It has come to my attention that a forum member with some pretty good post history was recently involved in a tragedy that resulted in the death of innocent person due to this person's alleged negligence. In short, alleged drunk driving and driving the wrong way on a freeway. The result of this poor decision was someone was killed, and this person arrested and possibly charged with some serious offenses.

In short, many lives have been destroyed due to ONE POOR DECISION.

While it is difficult for me to write this post, it needs to be done because it just might SAVE LIVES. And if it saves lives, it will save a lot of other lives from the tragedy and turmoil that will certainly follow -- not just for the victim and his family, but the person who made the poor choice.

This was a topic in my recent book and had its own chapter.

I called it a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event... how 1 bad choice can erase 100s of good choices, and irrevocably change your life forever. And others.

I'm going to post the chapter here for your reading.

Again, I wasn't sure if I should post this but then thought, if this thread can SAVE ONE LIFE (and many others) then it is worth it.

D.A.R.E stands for "Downside Asymmetric Risk Event" -- here is the chapter.



As for who this is, I will NOT post this person's real name or username simply because it won't change what happened. If that information is important to you, you are welcome to seek your own channels for that information. Please don't post it here, news reports, or anything else. Again, it won't change what happened and put things back to normal.

Bottomline, our actions and their consequences can extend to other people beyond ourselves. THINK before you ACT. When I think about this incident and how many lives that will never be same, you truly learn to respect the gravity of our choices.

A truly sad, devastating, and tragic situation.

Be smart people, stay safe, and learn how to spot DAREs that can fire because of ONE bad choice.... one day it might save your life, or someone else.
This chapter in your book hit home for me. In my industry, there are parties, social events, alcohol. I don't mind a few cocktails over networking. But one too many can have a life-altering impact, for not only me but also for someone's loved one. One night after coming home late on the train I was walking to my truck. I was "fine" so I thought and only a mile from my house. But I remembered the chapter in your book and walked home instead.
 

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MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 970000" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
I write this with a heavy heart.

It has come to my attention that a forum member with some pretty good post history was recently involved in a tragedy that resulted in the death of innocent person due to this person's alleged negligence. In short, alleged drunk driving and driving the wrong way on a freeway. The result of this poor decision was someone was killed, and this person arrested and possibly charged with some serious offenses.

In short, many lives have been destroyed due to ONE POOR DECISION.

While it is difficult for me to write this post, it needs to be done because it just might SAVE LIVES. And if it saves lives, it will save a lot of other lives from the tragedy and turmoil that will certainly follow -- not just for the victim and his family, but the person who made the poor choice.

This was a topic in my recent book and had its own chapter.

I called it a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event... how 1 bad choice can erase 100s of good choices, and irrevocably change your life forever. And others.

I'm going to post the chapter here for your reading.

Again, I wasn't sure if I should post this but then thought, if this thread can SAVE ONE LIFE (and many others) then it is worth it.

D.A.R.E stands for "Downside Asymmetric Risk Event" -- here is the chapter.



As for who this is, I will NOT post this person's real name or username simply because it won't change what happened. If that information is important to you, you are welcome to seek your own channels for that information. Please don't post it here, news reports, or anything else. Again, it won't change what happened and put things back to normal.

Bottomline, our actions and their consequences can extend to other people beyond ourselves. THINK before you ACT. When I think about this incident and how many lives that will never be same, you truly learn to respect the gravity of our choices.

A truly sad, devastating, and tragic situation.

Be smart people, stay safe, and learn how to spot DAREs that can fire because of ONE bad choice.... one day it might save your life, or someone else.
As sad as it is this post should make everyone think and realize something very important.

- really think (strategically) before you do something and keep your desired end result always present.

I firmly believe that this is a much better way (even though it may take longer) to achieve your desired end state.
 

MTF

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Driving is the most dangerous thing I do - I am on high alert and have become incredibly defensive in my driving. For one, I hardly drive, and if I do, I am hyper-aware.

I'm not sure if this is such a good idea if you want to drive safely. Either drive often and be good at it or don't drive at all (if you can).

Driving skills are like everything else - the more you practice, the better you are. If you hardly drive, you actually have a higher chance of an accident because your skills get rusty. Few things are worse and more dangerous on the road than oversensitive drivers who drive a few times a month (not saying that this is you, just pointing out in general).
 

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Here’s my ten-cents

To avoid making such a mistake, make sure you know your top needs and get them met in healthy ways.

When I was 18 or 19, I sped off from a stop sign trying to impress a girl in the car. A cop was right there at the intersection and pursued me. In panic, I pulled over too far and got my car stuck in the mud. Thankfully nothing worse happened, like MJs wreck. I’m so grateful. I was just embarrassed and had to pay a large tow truck fee. The cop did not even fine me, knowing the tow fee would be enough. He was right; never did that again.

Now I was needing at that moment to appear special, attractive, cool. If I knew that I needed that recognition or significance at the time, I could have made sure I got the need met in other ways.

If one drives after consuming, why? To connect with friends? To have an adventure? To wash away anxiety? To not "rock the boat" and ask someone else to be the designated driver? Whatever it is, maybe there are easy alternative ways to get your main emotional needs met.

E.g.
  • working out,
  • having a deep conversation,
  • breathing deep,
  • putting down the phone and being deeply present with someone,
  • going bungie jumping,
  • being in nature,
  • putting together a Zoom reunion for your family or group of friends,
  • doing affirmations in the mirror,
  • volunteering,
  • learning and being inspired from a great book.

Think twice for sure AND see how you can set yourself up to avoid those tempting moments by making sure needs are met in a healthy way throughout the day.
 
Last edited:

AceVentures

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I'm not sure if this is such a good idea if you want to drive safely. Either drive often and be good at it or don't drive at all (if you can).

Driving skills are like everything else - the more you practice, the better you are. If you hardly drive, you actually have a higher chance of an accident because your skills get rusty. Few things are worse and more dangerous on the road than oversensitive drivers who drive a few times a month (not saying that this is you, just pointing out in general).

Not my driving I'm afraid of - it's other people on the road. The idea is not that I lose my ability to drive - I'm more aware than ever. It's that I minimize my risk of getting hurt from other people's poor decision-making while they operate a powerful machine.

Assuming risk of death is some% - the fewer times I roll the dice, the fewer times I come face to face with this risk. It's not a perfect solution - and I could get killed in the single instance I do go on the road. But this approach makes sense to me.
 

MJ DeMarco

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This chapter in your book hit home for me. In my industry, there are parties, social events, alcohol. I don't mind a few cocktails over networking. But one too many can have a life-altering impact, for not only me but also for someone's loved one. One night after coming home late on the train I was walking to my truck. I was "fine" so I thought and only a mile from my house. But I remembered the chapter in your book and walked home instead.

In a similar fashion, anytime I look at a text message while driving, I hear my own voice heckling me in my head "DARE... DARE.... DARE...."

I also try not to text people while I know they are driving. Imagine being the text that caused someone to neglect their driving for a few moments and it results in a tragedy.

Not my driving I'm afraid of - it's other people on the road.

This ultimately led to me selling my motorcycle and replacing with a street legal side x side. There is no margin for error and too many idiots on the road. One negligent 7 seconds and you're dead. At least in a car, you can walk away with some bumps and bruises. A motorcycle, you likely won't.
 

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