Be an extrovert

[Noxtus]

So ive noticed alot of people saying theyre introverts on here and i definitely dont think there is anything wrong with this. I use to be an introvert also. I stayed behind a computer screen all the time, most my socializing was done through online gaming lol

But as i began to realize what i wanted out of life i discovered its critical to train myself to be an extrovert and thats exactly what i did. Its very hard at first and that awkard, nervous whatever you call it feeling walking up to complete strangers or even someone you kinda know is still there but trust me when i say its a necessary hardship.

Why you may ask? because as you become close with someone a whole new world of connections is opened up to you that you would not normally have. Connections is a currency ive dealt in for along time and its one that can keep you afloat through both bad and good times. Its also one of the most powerful currencies because you can convert it into nearly anything you want in life.

So not only is being an extrovert materially advantageous but if you are an introvert and you train yourself to be an extrovert you bring to the table things that a natural extrovert lacks because as we know each has its pros and cons.

To become a hybrid of the two i think is the most advantageous mindset to have in any walk of life.

 

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[FionaS]

Being an introvert does not mean being social awkward, though. Or being shy, for that matter. Those are two, totally different issues.

I'm fine being in public and being social with people. I'm even good at it. People assume I'm extroverted when I'm out and about with friends.

I'm still extremely introverted. That won't be changed - I need quiet, alone time to refresh, think and relax. After a night out, I'm absolutely drained. I get my energy, and my power, by having appropriate amounts of alone time. I imitate being an extrovert when I'm out, at best - I will never be an extrovert.

That's how I work. That's not something you can train yourself not to be, it's how someone is hard wired.

I know what you were probably trying to say - that people should go out and act social and meet others. I totally agree. But you can't actually become an extrovert if you aren't already one.

The bigger thing for an introverted person is to be aware where you are at socially, work on any weaknesses you have, while still taking that time that most introverts need to work optimally.

 

[Noxtus]

hmmm i dont know to me that sounds like traits of an extrovert. I think everyone needs quite alone time to refresh. What makes you think you are an introvert?

 

[Guest24480]

Being an introvert does not mean being social awkward, though. Or being shy, for that matter. Those are two, totally different issues.

I'm fine being in public and being social with people. I'm even good at it. People assume I'm extroverted when I'm out and about with friends.

I'm still extremely introverted. That won't be changed - I need quiet, alone time to refresh, think and relax. After a night out, I'm absolutely drained. I get my energy, and my power, by having appropriate amounts of alone time. I imitate being an extrovert when I'm out, at best - I will never be an extrovert.

That's how I work. That's not something you can train yourself not to be, it's how someone is hard wired.

I know what you were probably trying to say - that people should go out and act social and meet others. I totally agree. But you can't actually become an extrovert if you aren't already one.

The bigger thing for an introverted person is to be aware where you are at socially, work on any weaknesses you have, while still taking that time that most introverts need to work optimally.

I agree with both of you for the most part. I think what he's is trying to say is that often times, introverts are naturally inclined to limit social interaction and to BECOME socially awkward and shy. This is because, well, they aren't hard-wired to NEED social interaction in order to function or go about their day. Since it's not a requirement for them, they often neglect it or leave it low on their list of priorities.

Essentially, shyness and social anxiety are often linked to introverts because they are more inclined to isolating themselves from social interaction than extroverts (who live and thrive off social interaction).

Shyness and social anxiety are purely habitual traits. Overall, he's saying that if you get out there and practice stretching outside your comfort zone, introverts who have trouble with social interaction will improve (and this is the only way they can improve, IMO).

But yes, you are right. Not all introverts have trouble socializing, especially if they are out and about often.

 

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[AubreyJ]

Being an introvert does not mean being social awkward, though. Or being shy, for that matter. Those are two, totally different issues.

I'm fine being in public and being social with people. I'm even good at it. People assume I'm extroverted when I'm out and about with friends.

I'm still extremely introverted. That won't be changed - I need quiet, alone time to refresh, think and relax. After a night out, I'm absolutely drained. I get my energy, and my power, by having appropriate amounts of alone time. I imitate being an extrovert when I'm out, at best - I will never be an extrovert.

That's how I work. That's not something you can train yourself not to be, it's how someone is hard wired.

I know what you were probably trying to say - that people should go out and act social and meet others. I totally agree. But you can't actually become an extrovert if you aren't already one.

The bigger thing for an introverted person is to be aware where you are at socially, work on any weaknesses you have, while still taking that time that most introverts need to work optimally.

This describes my personality perfectly. You are exactly right, you can't train yourself to be an extrovert- but you can train yourself to act extroverted. When I was younger I used to be really awkward with people I didn't know, I was terrible at small talk, I preferred to sit there in silence as opposed to talking with someone I barely knew, and if it was up to me I would stay home everyday. But my sister (an extremely extroverted person) made me realize that if I want to be successful I have to learn how to mingle with people, and I have to learn how to talk and socialize. So its a skill I had to learn- I had to learn to mingle, to small talk, to attend social gatherings. But no matter how good I get at this type of stuff, I'll never be an extrovert- I will always prefer to stay home over going to a party or a bar. It's just the way I'm wired.

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert just like there is nothing wrong with being an extrovert. Balance is key.

 

[Noxtus]

well perhaps i am unique in this but i know i was an introvert and can now comfortably say im an extrovert. I understand where you say youll never fully be an extrovert. sometimes i feel that way to. But it is most certainly possible to train yourself to be an extrovert. Something ive learned is when it comes to the human mind nothing is hard coded.

 

[Guest24480]

well perhaps i am unique in this but i know i was an introvert and can now comfortably say im an extrovert. I understand where you say youll never fully be an extrovert. sometimes i feel that way to. But it is most certainly possible to train yourself to be an extrovert. Something ive learned is when it comes to the human mind nothing is hard coded.

It's not a black and white issue though. There can be an in between. There's no way you went from a full blown introvert to a full blown extrovert just by going out and talking to people. It's your personality, your biology. You still have the introverted traits whether you know it or not. You just may be a little more extroverted than you were before.

 

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[Ninjakid]

There's a lot of misconceptions about introversion and extroversion.

Introversion and extroversion actually have nothing to do with social skills; it's just about how you process information.

If I compare it to a business, Apple is introverted because their hardware and software is managed and controlled internally. An ordinary computer joe can't just put together a Mac. It's done by someone Apple certified.
But Apple is a MONSTER marketing machine and they really know how to make an impression! Even Steve Jobs was an introvert, but he was considered extremely charismatic, and was able to go right out on stage and make people want to buy his product.

Microsoft on the other hand, would be more extroverted. Their hardware is made by other companies, people can easily write their own programs that can be used on a PC, and you can even go to a computer store and build your own computer with your own parts and Microsoft software! And You can take a PC to just about any computer store and they can fix it for you.

Both are INCREDIBLY successful, but they manage their information differently!

Similarly, I've seen many people who are considered introverts who have great social skills, and are really popular amongst their peers. And I've seen extroverts who are socially awkward and annoying. Introverted traits are usually like someone being energized by their own thoughts and feelings, and carefully choosing how they want to present themselves to the world.
Extroverted traits are usually being really open with others and being energized by interactions with other people.

Also, psychologists say that everyone has a mix of introverted and extroverted traits. What usually defines a person as an introvert or extrovert is which traits they prefer and practice more often.

Studies have found though that introverted people tend to be more socially isolated, as they don't usually feel drained by long periods of time without interaction. Isolating yourself from any and all human contact isn't introversion; it's mental illness. People are social creatures, it's in our biology. Studies show the depression and suicide rates in people who constantly isolate themselves is dramatically higher than those with a lot of social interaction. So everyone, whether they are an introvert or extrovert seeks some form of human contact.

I don't think it's right to suggest that introverts should change because it will benefit them. It's very misleading advice. Introverts, be proud of your personalities.

Famous and/or successful introverts include:

Audrey Hepburn
Kanye West
Elon Musk
Steve Jobs
Mark Zuckerberg
Bill Gates
Abraham Lincoln
Warren Buffet
Emma Watson
Clint Eastwood
Tiger Woods
Tom Cruise
Vladimir Putin
J.K. Rowling
Larry Page
Albert Einstein
Steven Spielberg

And the list goes on and on...

 

[FionaS]

hmmm i dont know to me that sounds like traits of an extrovert. I think everyone needs quite alone time to refresh. What makes you think you are an introvert?

Sure, everyone needs time to refresh. Being an I or an E isn't a black or white issue. As @holmzee said, it's a spectrum. It's biology based - there are plenty of studies out there. You can't just turn into an extrovert. You can get rid of various things holding you back from what you want to do, of course. Such as being shy (which is, what I think you're really trying to say with this post, and of course, I still agree).

How do you know you were an introvert, and not just a shy or awkward extrovert? Or more in the middle?

I am an introvert. There is no doubt in my mind. As a kid, I was also very shy and used that and my introversion as an excuse. But being shy was something totally different and I'm over that now. But I'm still introverted. Very much so.

I go insane if I don't have at least a couple hours a day to myself every day (which has been tough as a parent and a primary reason I do The Miracle Morning now).

I could stay home alone for weeks (and have in the past) and be perfectly happy not talking to anyone at all, not even online, just reading, working, playing music, meditating, whatever. In fact, that sounds like my ideal vacation. My birthday present from my husband last year was that he took the kids for 4 hours so that I could be alone. I don't need the social interaction. I talk to people if I need to, not often just to chat. I do, especially if I know they need support or if I think I can help them with something, but it's not something I do for myself, per se. I don't talk to others just to hear myself talk.

I go hang out with friends because I enjoy it, not because I need to be around others, and because I know they want me there. I'm just as happy, if not happier, staying home alone, but I go out to support and connect with the people I care about. I stick to smaller groups of people, though, for the most part. Large groups of people? Not fun for me. If I have to go? Not a problem. I can deal with it.

If I'm out around people (even just shopping) for more than a couple hours, I'm absolutely drained when I'm home. I'm perfectly comfortable socially when I'm out - I'm not awkward or shy. A little quiet if anything, but I speak up when I have something to say, whether it's a joke or information or whatever. People tell me they enjoy hanging out with me, and I have quite a few good friends. But it takes a lot more out of me than it does most extroverted people. If I know I'm going out two days in a row? That starts getting a little stressful, even if it's with friends or family. I've learned that I need to take a bit of time on those days, meditate a bit and take a half hour or an hour to myself before I go out for a second day of busyness.

There are plenty of other examples, but I've been verbose enough.

I'll leave you with this, though: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/13/famous-introverts_n_3733400.html

You could hardly say that being introverted is holding these people back. It's just who they are.

 

[Jakeeck]

When I was a personal trainer I had to act extroverted and super excited/high energy all day, even though that's about the opposite of how I really am. I thought it would help me become more of an extrovert, but it only drove me crazy pretending to be something that I wasn't. It was very exhausting and very stressful.

I really believe you can't change it, at least not how you feel on the inside.

 

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[redshep]

I think the ratio of actual introverts to people who call themselves introverts is maybe 1/100 and real introverts most likely belong on the pdd spectrum.

I find "fake" introverts to be by-in-large incredibly selfish people, unwilling to work on themselves or acknowledge the usefulness of social pleasantries so it's easier to say, "I'm not an a**hole, I'm just an introverted, quiet dreamer. I have proof, I tested INFP."

I've noticed such a night and day difference in my own personality experimenting with exercise, diet and meditation that I think the way we are is entirely dependent on what we try to improve.

 

[Jakeeck]

I think the ratio of actual introverts to people who call themselves introverts is maybe 1/100 and real introverts most likely belong on the pdd spectrum.

I find "fake" introverts to be by-in-large incredibly selfish people, unwilling to work on themselves or acknowledge the usefulness of social pleasantries so it's easier to say, "I'm not an a**hole, I'm just an introverted, quiet dreamer. I have proof, I tested INFP."

I've noticed such a night and day difference in my own personality experimenting with exercise, diet and meditation that I think the way we are is entirely dependent on what we try to improve.

Disagree.

I have a good diet, exercise, and meditate as well, and I'm one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet, but I just cant bring myself to care about small talk and other stranger's lives. I do really enjoy saying good morning to people when I'm hiking though if that's what you meant by social pleasantries.

I think the selfishness thing goes both ways. Usually when somebody is extroverted and talks a lot, they are usually talking about themselves. I often find them to just spitting things back and forth about I, I, I. I guarantee half the time they aren't even listening to what the other person is saying and are just waiting for a break in the conversation to start talking about themselves again.

Just a different point of view

 

[ebms]

Quiet by Susan Cain is a great book. Anyone interested in the extraversion-introversion scale should give it a read.

 

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[Lex DeVille]

I didn't read all of the responses because I'm on my phone, but in my opinion you limit yourself when you apply either of these labels. If you say you are an introvert then you are identifying with that label and it places you in a frame of mind where you must have those traits.

I find it useful to say I have some of the qualities of an introvert, though that is not who I am. That way I am free to change the way I see myself at any time. This makes me more adaptable in any situation.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[Ninjakid]

There's so many ways to label a person these days. Very rarely do we actually meet someone. We just meet our idea of them.

 

[Noxtus]

i wish i could reply to all of you haha. I do understand introversion-extroversion is a scale not just a label, however there is still a point where youre either introvert or extrovert. What i meant to say in this thread that i didnt is that introverts have an incredible gift to be able to become extroverted and enjoy a mix of traits that often comes with one or the other and still thrive. Unfortunately extroverts cant really turn introvert and operate sufficiently and i imagine it would be extremely hard to do as well.

But i think its important we define introverted; to be introverted means you do not impact what is around with your personality rather you keep thoughts and personality inside your self not too exposed to the world. to make sure i was correct in this definition i went to dictionary.com and this was the result
noun
1.
a shy person.
2.
Psychology. a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings

now this kinda dumbs it down abit because i believe (maybe because i use to be an introvert) that we have certain better mental capabilities that our brain focuses on versus an extrovert whos personality energy when used properly can attain things through social environments an introvert could not.

the definition of extrovert;
noun
1.
an outgoing, gregarious person.
2.
Psychology. a person characterized by extroversion; a personconcerned primarily with the physical and social environment (opposedto introvert ).

 

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