Introverts and introversion: How to succeed in an extroverted world.

[kommen]

Hello, I recently moved away from my parents to a student dorm. As said in TGRRE , we need to engage with the market.

I feel like I'm struggling with engaging with the market. I feel that my friend circle in campus is way too small at about 4 people, and I don't even see these friends very often due to covid restrictions, although next week I might be able to see them more.

How do I cold-approach more people? Maybe I can strike a chat with my dorm mates? Or even the neighbors outside my dorm? I've barely had any conversation with my dorm mates. As @Andy Black would say, my goal is to help people. But I fear the risk of ending up awkward asking what help they need with when I just met them a couple minutes ago. Or should I just say "screw it" and not care of my fears of looking awkward and just ask "do you need help with anything?" Or should I give a hint of what service I can do for them? Thanks for the help!

 

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[heavy_industry]

Accept the fact that you will be awkward a lot at first. It's part of the process of learning how to socialize.

It's a lot better to confront your fears and expose yourself to being awkward in your youth, than to hide away and remain awkward for the rest of your life.

I remember @Johnny boy saying he was having difficulties when he started selling cars, but he quickly adapted and now he's at peak confidence and he's having a great business and life.

 

[Andy Black]

Hello, I recently moved away from my parents to a student dorm. As said in TGRRE , we need to engage with the market.

I feel like I'm struggling with engaging with the market. I feel that my friend circle in campus is way too small at about 4 people, and I don't even see these friends very often due to covid restrictions, although next week I might be able to see them more.

How do I cold-approach more people? Maybe I can strike a chat with my dorm mates? Or even the neighbors outside my dorm? I've barely had any conversation with my dorm mates. As @Andy Black would say, my goal is to help people. But I fear the risk of ending up awkward asking what help they need with when I just met them a couple minutes ago. Or should I just say "screw it" and not care of my fears of looking awkward and just ask "do you need help with anything?" Or should I give a hint of what service I can do for them? Thanks for the help!

Strike up conversations with your dorm mates anyway. Part of the experience (goal?) of being in college or a dorm is learning to engage socially.

Keep chatting to new people and you'll get over fears of looking awkward. You'll realise everyone's thinking about themselves.

Try being the one who makes eye contact first and nods, smiles, or says "morning". You'll realise its not such a big deal anyway. (I suppose this could depend on cultural differences... where I'm from it's not unusual to say hello to strangers walking past).

It would likely be odd to ask strangers out of the blue if you can help them. Just start with little things like holding doors open for people and thanking people for holding doors open for you.

I find thanking people goes a long way to overcoming social awkwardness. Our kids are shy around strangers but we make sure they always thank the waiter when they order their food and when their food is delivered. Thanking someone is the easiest interaction.

Then just keep an eye out for people who need help. Maybe someone's struggling to carry something? Go over and ask if you can help (that's slightly different from asking if they need help btw). If you keep on the lookout for ways to be helpful without being subservient or creepy then you'll get better at it and get less socially awkward.

Just my 2c.

 

[kommen]

Strike up conversations with your dorm mates anyway. Part of the experience (goal?) of being in college or a dorm is learning to engage socially.

Realise that if you keep chatting to new people you'll get over fears of looking awkward. You'll realise everyone's thinking about themselves.

Try being the one who makes eye contact first and nods, smiles, or says "morning". You'll realise its not such a big deal anyway. (I suppose this could depend on cultural differences... where I'm from it's not unusual to say hello to strangers walking past).

It would likely be odd to ask strangers out of the blue if you can help them. Just start with little things like holding doors open for people and thanking people for holding doors open for you.

I find thanking people goes a long way to overcoming social awkwardness. Our kids are shy around strangers but we make sure they always thank the waiter when they order their food and when their food is delivered. Thanking someone is the easiest interaction.

Then just keep an eye out for people who need help. Maybe someone's struggling to carry something? Go over and ask if you can help (that's slightly different from asking if they need help btw). If you keep on the lookout for ways to be helpful without being subservient or creepy then you'll get better at it and get less socially awkward.

Just my 2c.

Thank you very much for taking the time to write this.

So a few hours ago, I saw a couple dorm mates at the lobby. One I've never seen before seems awkward as well, so I just said "hello". The other one was the guy who greeted me when I first moved in. I've never really had a "real" conversation with either of them, just hellos. And then out of the blue I made the move and asked "hey uhm, do you like lemon tea?" And just slightly awkwardly he replied "uh yeah, why?" I just said "so I'm practicing to make lemon tea and I don't know if it's objectively good, do you wanna try?" and to my surprise, he asked back "are you building a business?"

I don't know what did I do to make it seem so obvious that I might be planning to sell lemon tea just for a few cents of profit, but I thought this was a slightly funny story worth sharing. We ended up having a conversation about the tea, then it diverted to him explaining his protein powder startup that he's working on. The first awkward guy ended up joining and turns out he works at a cafe and gave me unique tips on making tea and preparing lemon juice en masse.

Well, I wrote all of this because if anyone here, for whatever reason, desperately needs to strike a conversation with someone they've barely talked to, just offer them lemon tea, and get them to talk about it!

 

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[Johnny boy]

Accept the fact that you will be awkward a lot at first. It's part of the process of learning how to socialize.

It's a lot better to confront your fears and expose yourself to being awkward in your youth, than to hide away and remain awkward for the rest of your life.

I remember @Johnny boy saying he was having difficulties when he started selling cars, but he quickly adapted and now he's at peak confidence and he's having a great business and life.

lol making me sound like I was a nerd.

Getting a sales job really just taught me that I already knew enough to "sell".

Whether you're getting a girl to come home with you, selling a car, convincing an investor, selling lawn care plans or franchises, it all comes down to overcoming "introversion", not being afraid to ask for the sale, and being convincing enough to close the deal.

 

[Johnny boy]

Hello, I recently moved away from my parents to a student dorm. As said in TGRRE , we need to engage with the market.

I feel like I'm struggling with engaging with the market. I feel that my friend circle in campus is way too small at about 4 people, and I don't even see these friends very often due to covid restrictions, although next week I might be able to see them more.

How do I cold-approach more people? Maybe I can strike a chat with my dorm mates? Or even the neighbors outside my dorm? I've barely had any conversation with my dorm mates. As @Andy Black would say, my goal is to help people. But I fear the risk of ending up awkward asking what help they need with when I just met them a couple minutes ago. Or should I just say "screw it" and not care of my fears of looking awkward and just ask "do you need help with anything?" Or should I give a hint of what service I can do for them? Thanks for the help!

Are we talking about business or your social circle?

For business, your peers won't have much money and are pretty unidimensional and there's few opportunities for making money off of them other than throwing ragers and charging the guys $20. Do not walk around asking "do you need help?" like a F*cking dweeb.

For your social life, you should be a cool dude who looks cool and does cool shit. So do some pushups, change your style, and start talking to every female under 140 lbs.

You should do this now when it's easy and you have access and exposure to so many people to socialize with. You do NOT want to get a shitty 30k/yr office job with your business degree and there's a total of 7 women in the whole office to pick from and your only other exposure is going to nightclubs or a small circle of mutual friends. You will be in a bad spot.

My game was that I was on the college baseball team and it was my job to use my handsome face to supply females for our parties. I'd hit tinder during lunch and have half the UW cheerleading team coming to an apartment for a community college party that night in a 2 bedroom apartment.

The point is that you need to have a plan and a system that you can execute and expect results from and do it consistently.

But for business, go outside of your campus, those kids are broke. Businesses and homeowners will most likely have lots of money to give you.

 

[kommen]

Are we talking about business or your social circle?

For business, your peers won't have much money and are pretty unidimensional and there's few opportunities for making money off of them other than throwing ragers and charging the guys $20. Do not walk around asking "do you need help?" like a F*cking dweeb.

For your social life, you should be a cool dude who looks cool and does cool shit. So do some pushups, change your style, and start talking to every female under 140 lbs.

You should do this now when it's easy and you have access and exposure to so many people to socialize with. You do NOT want to get a shitty 30k/yr office job with your business degree and there's a total of 7 women in the whole office to pick from and your only other exposure is going to nightclubs or a small circle of mutual friends. You will be in a bad spot.

My game was that I was on the college baseball team and it was my job to use my handsome face to supply females for our parties. I'd hit tinder during lunch and have half the UW cheerleading team coming to an apartment for a community college party that night in a 2 bedroom apartment.

The point is that you need to have a plan and a system that you can execute and expect results from and do it consistently.

But for business, go outside of your campus, those kids are broke. Businesses and homeowners will most likely have lots of money to give you.

Primarily for business. Yeah, I do recognise that most of my peers are broke. In my country, parties and alcohol drinkers are rare, and almost every female is under 140lbs. Even my BMI is 19, which I will definitely work at it when I have an income.

Thanks for sharing your advice and experience, though. My dorm is near a few houses that looks like they need repainting, but I don't even know my neighbors yet. My only goal for increasing my social circle is to have side hustle opportunities, which is why I tend to target people above 25 as they have more money.

 

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[kommen]

Would Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People help me solve the problem in front of me?

 

[wyattnorton]

Would Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People help me solve the problem in front of me?

talking to people will… the book will only reinforce what you already know

i recommend “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss it actually gives you lines

Mirroring, labeling, tactical empathy etc

I did this during college and talked with CEOs of multi million dollar companies and more

For the ladies, read “The Natural Art of Seduction” by Richard La Ruina.

These two books are actionable

 

[kommen]

i recommend “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss it actually gives you lines

Would this book help me increase my network outside of university? I considered Dale Carnegie's because some said it's a good start for someone who wants to learn how to strike up conversations. But after reading the description for Chriss Voss' book, it seems that I should read that too (or instead?)

I've became a bit scared to read a self-help book since I heard people falling into a rabbit hole of action-faking and addiction after reading self-help books.

 

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[wyattnorton]

talking to people will… the book will only reinforce what you already know

i recommend “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss it actually gives you lines

Mirroring, labeling, tactical empathy etc

Would this book help me increase my network outside of university? I considered Dale Carnegie's because some said it's a good start for someone who wants to learn how to strike up conversations. But after reading the description for Chriss Voss' book, it seems that I should read that too (or instead?)

I've became a bit scared to read a self-help book since I heard people falling into a rabbit hole of action-faking and addiction after reading self-help books.

Rabbit holes result from not having a reason or problem to solve with the book.

Take @MJ DeMarco advice… Read the book that solves your problem.

It seems like you want to gain the tools to expand your “circle”

Chris Voss’ book will help you and so will Dale Carnegies.

Skim thru both and then USE the lines/advice they give.

 

[kommen]

Rabbit holes result from not having a reason or problem to solve with the book.

Take @MJ DeMarco advice… Read the book that solves your problem.

It seems like you want to gain the tools to expand your “circle”

Chris Voss’ book will help you and so will Dale Carnegies.

Skim thru both and then USE the lines/advice they give.

Thanks for recommending it to me, it should solve my current anti-social problem.

 

[AppMan]

Hello, I recently moved away from my parents to a student dorm. As said in TGRRE , we need to engage with the market.

I feel like I'm struggling with engaging with the market. I feel that my friend circle in campus is way too small at about 4 people, and I don't even see these friends very often due to covid restrictions, although next week I might be able to see them more.

How do I cold-approach more people? Maybe I can strike a chat with my dorm mates? Or even the neighbors outside my dorm? I've barely had any conversation with my dorm mates. As @Andy Black would say, my goal is to help people. But I fear the risk of ending up awkward asking what help they need with when I just met them a couple minutes ago. Or should I just say "screw it" and not care of my fears of looking awkward and just ask "do you need help with anything?" Or should I give a hint of what service I can do for them? Thanks for the help!

Sound like you are mixing between being popular more and being good business person.
the first one require to be funny , good in shape and transmit good vibe , posture, etc.
the advise of helping other is to figure out how can you provide something of value to other that evetually they will pay for .
so what are you looking for exactly ?

 

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[kommen]

Sound like you are mixing between being popular more and being good business person.
the first one require to be funny , good in shape and transmit good vibe , posture, etc.
the advise of helping other is to figure out how can you provide something of value to other that evetually they will pay for .
so what are you looking for exactly ?

I'm looking to get paid, so I want to have more business friends.

 

[Xeon]

Would Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People help me solve the problem in front of me?

Thanks for recommending it to me, it should solve my current anti-social problem.

Watch the first 60 seconds of this video:

View: https://youtu.be/-QXshKfpv3M

Does it reasonate with you?

The speaker has a notorious past but who doesn't make mistakes lol
The Dale Carnegie thing doesn't work for me, it just teaches you to be Mr. Nice Guy.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

As an introvert myself, I understand your struggle.

What helps is forceful interactions.

Get a hobby, join a club, engage in team sports, join Toastmasters, put yourself out there. The goal is not to make you an extrovert, but to make periodic, short-term extroversion possible without causing you undue stress or anxiety. If you "give in" to the label, you'll find yourself unable to grow and self-develop.

We live in an extroverts world, so learning how to adapt to this fact is crucial in succeeding.

 

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[AppMan]

I'm looking to get paid, so I want to have more business friends.

Maybe start selling hotdogs with small cart, every day in street is like learning 1 month inside the room or home. you will get bold and become more out going , beside that you will become more street smart, which many people say it is good feature to someone want to start business. beside that girls love street smarts

 

[kommen]

Maybe start selling hotdogs with small cart, every day in street is like learning 1 month inside the room or home. you will get bold and become more out going , beside that you will become more street smart, which many people say it is good feature to someone want to start business. beside that girls love street smarts

I actually did something similar to this. A couple days ago I made 3 jars of lemon tea and offered it to my dorm mates to see if they think it tastes good so I can sell some to friends at uni, although honestly I didn't think about doing it in the streets because coming from a third-world country, the streets are already crowded with food stands. Maybe by simply being cleaner can be a strong value-skew though, but this is why I thought of providing other forms of services/products as the cart rent is inflated. I'll see if it goes well within my campus first, then use the cart to scale.

 

[Devilery]

I was a very introverted socially-awkward guy and I'm still mostly introverted. If I was sent back to my teenage years, I would attend every party I can and chat with every girl until it becomes natural. It has everything to do with getting a better start at building a business, it's uncomfortable, it requires sales, persuasion, and communication skills (you're just selling yourself), and it teaches you how to deal with rejections. Also, I would definitely take up a hobby, as much as I dislike them now, a team sport would be great, being able to effectively work in a team is also a must if you want to scale up to a business that is more than just being a freelancer. Public speaking, acting, whatever networking events there are, attend them. One great connection can change the game in an instant.

If you can date attractive girls and are competitive at a sport, you'll have a way easier time building a successful business. Boldness, confidence, communication skills, discipline, there's no better time to acquire those skills that during college.

 

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[AppMan]

I actually did something similar to this. A couple days ago I made 3 jars of lemon tea and offered it to my dorm mates to see if they think it tastes good so I can sell some to friends at uni, although honestly I didn't think about doing it in the streets because coming from a third-world country, the streets are already crowded with food stands. Maybe by simply being cleaner can be a strong value-skew though, but this is why I thought of providing other forms of services/products as the cart rent is inflated. I'll see if it goes well within my campus first, then use the cart to scale.

Good try, I think you will have advantages to be very near from students , I think not a lot of food carts are there. As for card rent you really just need foldable table and a small grill.