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Are 20-40 Years Old More Lonely Than Ever?

K1 Lambo

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I think people are also expecting their interactions with other people to be as "perfect" as possible.

Everything in our life is now being tailored to stimulate us as much as possible:

  • Video games went from "Pong and Pac man" to Call of Duty

  • Food went from a chicken and rice to 4 cheese mac and cheese with bacon.

  • Social interactions used to be unavoidable, but now if you don't like someone you can just block them to make sure you're not uncomfortable at any time!
Obviously there's nothing wrong with these on the surface level, but people are now able to avoid discomfort, and in a way we need to artificially add it back into our lives for our own benefit.
Norway is a perfect example of that. It's a very egalitarian country who tries to avoid any inconveniences as much as possible.
 
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woken

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As I was reading through the first page of this I started wondering:

Is my idea of a “friend” wrong or is their idea of a “friend” wrong?

I have one true friend since secondary school. We don’t talk that often, 100% online only since I moved to another country 7 years ago. Life happens, we each got things to do and run after and after a while we reconnect and share our progress/problems, etc.

Naturally we were closer when we were in the same country.

Even though we can’t “hang out”, we’ve always considered ourselves good friends and try to be there for each other ( phone call etc) when needed.


Apart from this, I don’t have people I “hang out with” outside family.

As in @SteveO ‘s example, he mentioned people that you do activities with as friends. Is that the true definition of a friend or am I looking for something deeper that I shouldn’t look for in the first place?

I can go to a game store and play a game with a total stranger(ie. do some activity together) and get to know his/hers name age, etc etc. Does that make us friends?


All of my questions are genuine, so don’t mock my post.
 

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I've been noticing this problem more and more often recently: people in their late twenties/early thirties are lonely and have very few friends. Perhaps it's only limited to me, my girlfriend, and some people I know so I wanted to post this thread and figure this out. Here are a few thoughts to offer more detail:
  • In my hometown, I have 0 friends with whom I meet up regularly. I had one friend until last year when his son was born. He had been telling me all the time that nothing would change when he would become a father (I never believed him) but now we talk only online. I think I saw him last time over six months ago. Before, we used to meet at least 2-3 times a week. My other friends who live in the same city have gone in a different direction in life and we don't really mesh that well anymore. We sometimes meet but usually I'm okay with just one meeting per 3 months or so.
  • My other friends are almost exclusively virtual. We talk online but we rarely meet (1-2 times a year) or never. It's still good to be able to talk online but it's not the same as doing fun stuff together regularly and being spontaneous (impossible since they all live between 2-5 hours by car from where I live).
  • Almost all our friends/people we know lack initiative. If I organize something, they will join but by themselves they almost never set up anything. This makes me feel that they don't really care much about the relationship. So in return, I don't put in that much effort anymore.
  • In the case of my girlfriend, her friends have so little time that their lives are limited to work, home (with their partner), and their dogs. And we're talking about young people who supposedly should enjoy their youth.
  • As sad as it is, unless I'm traveling or learning something new with a coach, this forum is usually the main way I interact with strangers. I do enjoy this but like I said above, I'd like to have some deep friendships with people I trust that share my values and are available to do fun stuff together. As it is now, whatever new things I do, I just hire a coach and sometimes he or she becomes my sort of friend.
  • Speaking of traveling, I've found that it's usually way easier to find like-minded people when visiting places that interest us and match our values. But these relationships have the same problem: they're almost exclusively virtual. So in the end it's nice when you're there but it sort of dies when you're not there (which is kind of understandable if it's a new relationship).
  • Curiously, we often see people way older than we are who enjoy rich social lives. Heck, I think that my parents may actually have more friends and a richer social life than I do even though they live in the countryside and rarely leave their homes lol.
What are your thoughts, experiences, suggestions, whatever else is on your mind?




I think you'll enjoy reading this.

You may be right... I don't know. I am quite social and make friends easily. I host people at my house and invite myself over to theirs (haha), and my only "online friends" are people like you on this forum, which I don't consider a real friend - it's an acquaintance. While I fall into the category you described age-wise, I don't represent what you are describing. Probably an exception.

I don't agree that online relationships and living in the "metaverse" should be prioritized over the real world (as per article above I posted). I think humans are social animals.

Humans crave real interactions, tribe life. Real world. Internet helps, but is no substitute. And we should fight (actively) to create those relationships. It's an active thing, not a passive thing. It's on you to do that.
 
G

Guest-5ty5s4

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I think people are also expecting their interactions with other people to be as "perfect" as possible.

Everything in our life is now being tailored to stimulate us as much as possible:

  • Video games went from "Pong and Pac man" to Call of Duty

  • Food went from a chicken and rice to 4 cheese mac and cheese with bacon.

  • Social interactions used to be unavoidable, but now if you don't like someone you can just block them to make sure you're not uncomfortable at any time!
Obviously there's nothing wrong with these on the surface level, but people are now able to avoid discomfort, and in a way we need to artificially add it back into our lives for our own benefit.
Wow this is really insightful actually. I agree with your take.

I would add that today, people are so overstimulated that they have zero tolerance for boredom.

Boredom was once a fact of life. It was the time when most thinking would happen. Your ideas would come while bored.

Today, a person can live 24/7 without ever experiencing boredom or a state of mental relief.
 
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D

Deleted70138

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I've been noticing this problem more and more often recently: people in their late twenties/early thirties are lonely and have very few friends. Perhaps it's only limited to me, my girlfriend, and some people I know so I wanted to post this thread and figure this out. Here are a few thoughts to offer more detail:
  • In my hometown, I have 0 friends with whom I meet up regularly. I had one friend until last year when his son was born. He had been telling me all the time that nothing would change when he would become a father (I never believed him) but now we talk only online. I think I saw him last time over six months ago. Before, we used to meet at least 2-3 times a week. My other friends who live in the same city have gone in a different direction in life and we don't really mesh that well anymore. We sometimes meet but usually I'm okay with just one meeting per 3 months or so.
  • My other friends are almost exclusively virtual. We talk online but we rarely meet (1-2 times a year) or never. It's still good to be able to talk online but it's not the same as doing fun stuff together regularly and being spontaneous (impossible since they all live between 2-5 hours by car from where I live).
  • Almost all our friends/people we know lack initiative. If I organize something, they will join but by themselves they almost never set up anything. This makes me feel that they don't really care much about the relationship. So in return, I don't put in that much effort anymore.
  • In the case of my girlfriend, her friends have so little time that their lives are limited to work, home (with their partner), and their dogs. And we're talking about young people who supposedly should enjoy their youth.
  • As sad as it is, unless I'm traveling or learning something new with a coach, this forum is usually the main way I interact with strangers. I do enjoy this but like I said above, I'd like to have some deep friendships with people I trust that share my values and are available to do fun stuff together. As it is now, whatever new things I do, I just hire a coach and sometimes he or she becomes my sort of friend.
  • Speaking of traveling, I've found that it's usually way easier to find like-minded people when visiting places that interest us and match our values. But these relationships have the same problem: they're almost exclusively virtual. So in the end it's nice when you're there but it sort of dies when you're not there (which is kind of understandable if it's a new relationship).
  • Curiously, we often see people way older than we are who enjoy rich social lives. Heck, I think that my parents may actually have more friends and a richer social life than I do even though they live in the countryside and rarely leave their homes lol.
What are your thoughts, experiences, suggestions, whatever else is on your mind?
Great thread and food for thought.

It gave me inspiration to propose: who would like to come for a ski trip this winter? I can host 8-10 people in my mountain house, also have enough ski/snowboard equipment for all.
 

doster.zach

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Norway is a perfect example of that. It's a very egalitarian country who tries to avoid any inconveniences as much as possible.

I heard they are know for being egalitarian, never been there myself. What do they do differently from other places?
 

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@MTF, when doing activities these acquaintances become friends only if you let them.

After rock climbing if some are getting some food and you decline going with them or if you are getting food and you never invite them, they won’t become your friends.

For example, my trainer trains a bunch of people everyday. He doesn’t become friends with all of them. Some he only talks to during training, some he ends up hanging out with.

There are plenty of people in the world that want more friends, you just need to make an effort.
 
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K1 Lambo

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I heard they are know for being egalitarian, never been there myself. What do they do differently from other places?
Well I can't speak for countries outside of Europe(never been outside of Europe before, besides the Canary Islands and Egypt).

I wasn't born in Norway but I've been living here since I was 5-6 years old, so basically been here for 16 years. But they avoid conflicts as much as possible. It's crazy. It's like when your daughter has a fight during school with the neighbor's daughter, they're gonna call child welfare straight away without even talking to you about the issue. Instead they attack you indirectly. Call the cops if a little spark gets in their way and so on.

There's a also a lot of feminists here(funny story. I remember my Belgian english high school teacher who once declared in the middle of our class: "Guys.... I'm a feminist!". We died of laughing LOL!). That seems to be a very popular thing with women here.

Those are some weird quirks about the country but no country is perfect. Everything country has its positives and negatives. I just miss the warm weather.
 

doster.zach

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It's like when your daughter has a fight during school with the neighbor's daughter, they're gonna call child welfare straight away without even talking to you about the issue
This would be the most infuriating thing.

The new trend of let the government do the work, they are "qualified" is disturbing.
 

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100% - as commented below in response to another post.



And that's exactly the problem. The virtual activities ultimately mean shit. Do you have any great childhood memories in the virtual world?

When I was young, I did play some video games with friends but we didn't play online - we actually met at someone's place to play, for example, Heroes of Might and Magic or we went to an Internet cafe and played Counter Strike in the same room.

These days, nobody does that anymore. And virtual really isn't an improvement. It may be convenient not to have to leave your home but it robs you of a normal human connection.

Interesting, my experience is a bit different than yours. Do you have any great childhood memories in the virtual world? actually yes. Internet gaming hits hard when i was in 4th grade. Playing CS at internet cafe with my elementary friends against other online players was hell of a time. when my parents marriage fell off a cliff and my home became very unpleasant. Battlefield 2142 was my safespace. I grew up in a wartorn family with my grandpa determined to get us away from communist china, my childhood friend are in Hong Kong, my closet cousins are in Australia, my father family are in Chicago. Facebook is the only reason i am able to stay in touch with all of them.

Funny side note: I just bought Battlefield 2042

I think face to face interaction will always have its place. at the same time, we will integrate digital world into our social activity more and more based on the current development in VR, AR, NFT, Esport Gaming. Mark Z bought out Oculus and now going hard into Metaverse is also a hint to where we are heading.

As GaryVee said it few years back, if you don't like how we glue to our phones and dont do "traditional" social activity anymore, wait til 10-15 years from now, everyone will hook up to their VR headset and don't leave their home for days.
 
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Hai

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I think face to face interaction will always have its place. at the same time, we will integrate digital world into our social activity more and more based on the current development in VR, AR, NFT, Esport Gaming. Mark Z bought out Oculus and now going hard into Metaverse is also a hint to where we are heading.

As GaryVee said it few years back, if you don't like how we glue to our phones and dont do "traditional" social activity anymore, wait til 10-15 years from now, everyone will hook up to their VR headset and don't leave for their home for days.

Just because "big guys" are doing it and the masses follow, doesn't mean you have to as well.

I for one, will do anything in my power to counteract the alienation of human connection.
 

Phil Yu

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Just because "big guys" are doing it and the masses follow, doesn't mean you have to as well.

I for one, will do anything in my power to counteract the alienation of human connection.

Actually. It is the "market" is deciding where we are going. The market decided that we are switching to gas powered car instead of riding horse. At the end of the day. Its your life and your choice. You can always keep using the horse when everyone is switching to the Model T. and i can respect that.
 
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SteveO

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Do you hang out with them after doing the activities or only when doing them? Because I find it's one thing to go, say, rock climbing in a gym, and talk with a few people you know (not really satisfying socially), and another to have a friend who also happens to be a rock climber.
Some of them for sure. I have developed a number of friendships from different groups. This is my primary method for making friends.
 
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SteveO

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As in @SteveO ‘s example, he mentioned people that you do activities with as friends. Is that the true definition of a friend or am I looking for something deeper that I shouldn’t look for in the first place?
This is a source for making friends. All the people in all the groups are not friends. I get to meet people with common interests and friendships develop.
 

MTF

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It could be mitigated with better time management, but most could not.

Yes, I've noticed it's a big problem as well. But in the end, if they don't want to make time for it, they don't care.

Humans crave real interactions, tribe life. Real world. Internet helps, but is no substitute. And we should fight (actively) to create those relationships. It's an active thing, not a passive thing. It's on you to do that.

That article is yet another standard article claiming how the new but used only by nerds technologies will change everything. I'm pretty sure not much will change social-wise for regular people who simply don't care about gaming, VR, etc.

I agree with you that while Internet helps, it's not a real alternative. Sort of like you can't travel online. It just doesn't work and never will.

It gave me inspiration to propose: who would like to come for a ski trip this winter? I can host 8-10 people in my mountain house, also have enough ski/snowboard equipment for all.

Cool idea for those who like winter :) I might set up something like that for surfing, swimming or hiking but in a warm climate :)

@MTF, when doing activities these acquaintances become friends only if you let them.

After rock climbing if some are getting some food and you decline going with them or if you are getting food and you never invite them, they won’t become your friends.

For example, my trainer trains a bunch of people everyday. He doesn’t become friends with all of them. Some he only talks to during training, some he ends up hanging out with.

There are plenty of people in the world that want more friends, you just need to make an effort.

Good suggestion, thank you for that.

Some of them for sure. I have developed a number of friendships from different groups. This is my primary method for making friends.

Lol I just realized I'm the problem, too. When I try something new I usually prefer an individual, flexible experience so I hire a coach. I don't like doing stuff with a group of people who meet at a specific time as I absolutely hate having a fixed schedule. It's also usually in the evening when I'm getting ready to go to bed.

By the way, this is another reason why you have to live in the right environment - if you live in a place where most people socialize in the evening, then you'll struggle to meet new people if you wake up early. If, on the other hand, you live in a place where many people are up early (this is often influenced by sunrise/sunset times in a given place), they usually socialize in a different way, too.
 

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In today's world, we are more prone to feel lonely because of social media and the rapidness of the digital world. It doesn't matter anymore whether you have a prefrontal cortex or not, social media is here to F*ck it up for you. Gen Z has the attention span and self-awareness of a chimpanzee. I'm 22 and most of the people my age have no drive or vision. If I didn't find the red pill a few years ago I'd be as lost as them.

Read from people you admire and detach from the rest. If you want to be in the 1% you'll likely not be able to relate to the other 99%. Accept it. Life is loneliness. It always was. It's social media that gives us the illusion that we are "all connected".

Zuckerberg is a psychopath whose tendencies resemble totalitarian leaders' cravings for power and domination. We are not all connected. We might be connected for a glimpse of a second, and then something else catches our attention. This is all done on purpose.

Recommended reading:
- Ride the Tiger by Evola
- The concept of Ubermensch by Nietzsche
- IllimitableMen's blog
- Rollo Tomassi's blog
- Unscripted by MJ
- Science and Human Behavior by B.F. Skinner
- Brainwashing: The science of thought control
 
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K1 Lambo

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In today's world, we are more prone to feel lonely because of social media and the rapidness of the digital world. It doesn't matter anymore whether you have a prefrontal cortex or not, social media is here to f*ck it up for you. Gen Z has the attention span and self-awareness of a chimpanzee. I'm 22 and most of the people my age have no drive or vision. If I didn't find the red pill a few years ago I'd be as lost as them.

Read from people you admire and detach from the rest. If you want to be in the 1% you'll likely not be able to relate to the other 99%. Accept it. Life is loneliness. It always was. It's social media that gives us the illusion that we are "all connected".

Zuckerberg is a psychopath whose tendencies resemble totalitarian leaders' cravings for power and domination. We are not all connected. We might be connected for a glimpse of a second, and then something else catches our attention. This is all done on purpose.

Recommended reading:
- Ride the Tiger by Evola
- The concept of Ubermensch by Nietzsche
- IllimitableMen's blog
- Rollo Tomassi's blog
- Unscripted by MJ
- Science and Human Behavior by B.F. Skinner
- Brainwashing: The science of thought control
We are fortunate to have access to this elite level of information at such a young age. Most men who find themselves in this journey discover these things when they're 40 years old.
 

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Love your comment @MTF “you can’t travel online”, I was looking for a succinct way of explaining why I disagree and this is it. Perfect.
 
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I've been noticing this problem more and more often recently: people in their late twenties/early thirties are lonely and have very few friends. Perhaps it's only limited to me, my girlfriend, and some people I know so I wanted to post this thread and figure this out. Here are a few thoughts to offer more detail:
  • In my hometown, I have 0 friends with whom I meet up regularly. I had one friend until last year when his son was born. He had been telling me all the time that nothing would change when he would become a father (I never believed him) but now we talk only online. I think I saw him last time over six months ago. Before, we used to meet at least 2-3 times a week. My other friends who live in the same city have gone in a different direction in life and we don't really mesh that well anymore. We sometimes meet but usually I'm okay with just one meeting per 3 months or so.
  • My other friends are almost exclusively virtual. We talk online but we rarely meet (1-2 times a year) or never. It's still good to be able to talk online but it's not the same as doing fun stuff together regularly and being spontaneous (impossible since they all live between 2-5 hours by car from where I live).
  • Almost all our friends/people we know lack initiative. If I organize something, they will join but by themselves they almost never set up anything. This makes me feel that they don't really care much about the relationship. So in return, I don't put in that much effort anymore.
  • In the case of my girlfriend, her friends have so little time that their lives are limited to work, home (with their partner), and their dogs. And we're talking about young people who supposedly should enjoy their youth.
  • As sad as it is, unless I'm traveling or learning something new with a coach, this forum is usually the main way I interact with strangers. I do enjoy this but like I said above, I'd like to have some deep friendships with people I trust that share my values and are available to do fun stuff together. As it is now, whatever new things I do, I just hire a coach and sometimes he or she becomes my sort of friend.
  • Speaking of traveling, I've found that it's usually way easier to find like-minded people when visiting places that interest us and match our values. But these relationships have the same problem: they're almost exclusively virtual. So in the end it's nice when you're there but it sort of dies when you're not there (which is kind of understandable if it's a new relationship).
  • Curiously, we often see people way older than we are who enjoy rich social lives. Heck, I think that my parents may actually have more friends and a richer social life than I do even though they live in the countryside and rarely leave their homes lol.
What are your thoughts, experiences, suggestions, whatever else is on your mind?
I feel you on a lot of these points especially the friend that was becoming a father and saying notings gonna change and well still hang out and stuff. I knew not the believe it but it was still a letdown when the reality is I dont see him ever anymore.
I joined a tennis club in 2019 once I picked up my first job out of college and found a great community of players, however as I got better and better through constant practice and coaching, a lot of them fell by the wayside since I essentially outgrew them(over 3 years). It was great memories, however, since im an outlier in terms of skills at club, there is no challenge and i may hit with them for just the social aspect. As I grow and meet stronger players, they are not at clubs, there at public courts to where I meet them through leagues and invite them over.
I would say these higher-level players are a lot more committed to tennis and improvement, an awkward ground where they are not pros but way better beyond just a recreational player.
Most of my current friendships shine in this area, whereas all my high school friends, colleagues, and everyone outside of tennis don't have any reason nor would want to just hit me up to hang out. I can always make it happen as it has been said many times above. but tennis friends are excited if not exuberant to play with me.

As a bonus, they also happen to be lawyers, entrepreneurs, and a lot of great professionals from a wide variety of businesses.

the ones I can relate to the most personally however, I play socially with them just for they are looking to just play and not particularly improve which is cool since the bond of their friendship is worth a lot in my current community of life.
 

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I think it's a combination of things. Especially in the western world.

My own personal experience:

- The price of housing has gone up so much that young people are struggling to pay rent and have to devote extra time at work to pay for this. When I was in college nearly 30%+ of students were commuting from outside of the city every morning and back in the evening. Previously this time would have been spent hanging out with friends or taking part in college societies. Also, when young people are living at home into their 20's they don't have the independence to invite people over or are still subjected to their parents rules. Both of these issues ruin friendships and relationships. They are also more tired from this type of lifestyle.

- Loss of 'for life' type of jobs. My parents got jobs when they turned 18 and worked them for the majority of their adult lives. This kind of structure can allow you to build your life around your work hours. A lot of young people in my city now work 0 hour contracts, unsociable hours, freelancing, jobs where they work off other time-zones etc...

- The social media effect. I have lots of friends in my city that don't share my entrepreneurial or other interests. I have lots of friends around the world who do share that interest and many other similar interests too. I spend a lot of time communicating with them that pre-internet wouldn't have been able to happen and I'd spend that time deepening connections with real life people. It also has the effect of lessening the quality of your real life relationships as you are hyper aware that there are more compatible people out there. My parents generation and above seem more accepting of their friends even if they didn't have many similar interests they still had a loyalty to each other.. a commitment to sometimes do activities they didn't like for the sake of the friendship. We are all very obsessed now with having the best 5 people around us.

- The netflix, gaming etc effect is pretty obvious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think we also need to look inwardly. If you met yourself, would you want to be friends with you?

Pick up some other hobbies, do spontaneous things.. not always cold and calculated.

Do you take care of yourself.. dress well, nice haircut, clean, workout. If you let these things slack too much they can become an active turn off.
 

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Probably “lonely” is not really the right word.

It is not like people were yearning for physical socialization but couldn’t get others to go with them.

People today have made the choice to not socialize physically and do not see a big deal out of it.

Lazier: Text, Swipe, like..instead of hanging out..

More goal oriented: Be it for work, Business, or hustle for money or taking care of new born baby, there are more practical things to achieve than hanging out and talk. I think in the west 2008 was the turning point. If you reach adulthood and already working you belong to the generation that mostly think things are going to be okay most of the time, but if you are the later generation that watch your house foreclosed and parents fired from the job, the permanent sense of insecurity is going to hunt you for the rest of your life and thus accepting hustling as a norm for survival.

2008 was the turning point for the entire planet on multiple levels in irreversible directions. I think the impact has not yet been fully understood and there is still a lot of delusional denial not understanding the full impact of it and what it means. I could talk on hours about that but that will derail the topic of this thread.
 
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CedricN

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I've been noticing this problem more and more often recently: people in their late twenties/early thirties are lonely and have very few friends. Perhaps it's only limited to me, my girlfriend, and some people I know so I wanted to post this thread and figure this out. Here are a few thoughts to offer more detail:
  • In my hometown, I have 0 friends with whom I meet up regularly. I had one friend until last year when his son was born. He had been telling me all the time that nothing would change when he would become a father (I never believed him) but now we talk only online. I think I saw him last time over six months ago. Before, we used to meet at least 2-3 times a week. My other friends who live in the same city have gone in a different direction in life and we don't really mesh that well anymore. We sometimes meet but usually I'm okay with just one meeting per 3 months or so.
  • My other friends are almost exclusively virtual. We talk online but we rarely meet (1-2 times a year) or never. It's still good to be able to talk online but it's not the same as doing fun stuff together regularly and being spontaneous (impossible since they all live between 2-5 hours by car from where I live).
  • Almost all our friends/people we know lack initiative. If I organize something, they will join but by themselves they almost never set up anything. This makes me feel that they don't really care much about the relationship. So in return, I don't put in that much effort anymore.
  • In the case of my girlfriend, her friends have so little time that their lives are limited to work, home (with their partner), and their dogs. And we're talking about young people who supposedly should enjoy their youth.
  • As sad as it is, unless I'm traveling or learning something new with a coach, this forum is usually the main way I interact with strangers. I do enjoy this but like I said above, I'd like to have some deep friendships with people I trust that share my values and are available to do fun stuff together. As it is now, whatever new things I do, I just hire a coach and sometimes he or she becomes my sort of friend.
  • Speaking of traveling, I've found that it's usually way easier to find like-minded people when visiting places that interest us and match our values. But these relationships have the same problem: they're almost exclusively virtual. So in the end it's nice when you're there but it sort of dies when you're not there (which is kind of understandable if it's a new relationship).
  • Curiously, we often see people way older than we are who enjoy rich social lives. Heck, I think that my parents may actually have more friends and a richer social life than I do even though they live in the countryside and rarely leave their homes lol.
What are your thoughts, experiences, suggestions, whatever else is on your mind?
Definitely agree. I am only 21 years old, still live in my hometown with my parents, and have quite zero friends here. Only true friends I have are from abroad. I met them by travelling to the USA, UK, Germany, etc. But these relationships are virtual. I only meet them once or twice a year because of the distance.

I also feel lonely and it's even harder for me to find people with same interest than me, because I am a bodybuilder and my lifestyle is quite special for most people. Eat, sleep, train, work, repeat. Never go out.
 

StrikingViper69

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Definitely agree. I am only 21 years old, still live in my hometown with my parents, and have quite zero friends here. Only true friends I have are from abroad. I met them by travelling to the USA, UK, Germany, etc. But these relationships are virtual. I only meet them once or twice a year because of the distance.

I also feel lonely and it's even harder for me to find people with same interest than me, because I am a bodybuilder and my lifestyle is quite special for most people. Eat, sleep, train, work, repeat. Never go out.

You could try making a "bodybuilders in XYZ" facebook group, and organise a meet-up from it.
 

CedricN

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You could try making a "bodybuilders in XYZ" facebook group, and organise a meet-up from it.
That's a good idea. Because only times I really meet other bodybuilders is a bodybuilding shows or expo.
 
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SteveO

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Definitely agree. I am only 21 years old, still live in my hometown with my parents, and have quite zero friends here. Only true friends I have are from abroad. I met them by travelling to the USA, UK, Germany, etc. But these relationships are virtual. I only meet them once or twice a year because of the distance.

I also feel lonely and it's even harder for me to find people with same interest than me, because I am a bodybuilder and my lifestyle is quite special for most people. Eat, sleep, train, work, repeat. Never go out.
After reading some of these responses, @MTF could be right about this.

I worked regularly starting at the age of 12. Was booted from high school at the age of 16. Left my house and slept on people's couches for a while. Joined the Marines at the age of 17 with my father's signature. Kicked out of the marines by the age of 19.

All the while I had a lot of friends. They were all hoodlums as was I. We got in lots of trouble but still had each other. I never actually had the opportunity to be lonely.

The people I met and the stories I have....

Eventually I had to get away from the recklessness and drugs. Moved 40 miles away to stop the interaction. The street smarts have served me well in life though.
 

Pharez

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Yes, that's what I've noticed as well. I find these kind of people (with a vision and something interesting going on) mostly when I travel to interesting places. And I try to keep my mind open back at home but I really don't meet many cool people there compared to when traveling.



I remember your other post about the monthly dinners idea and it was cool. Where I live it's mostly old people so it makes little sense.

Also, I think it might be easier if you're fully invested in where you live. I'm not so I don't care that much.



I'm financially independent already so this is more like a post-retirement problem. Either way, I don't agree it's not important. Whether you're working on your business or enjoying your retirement, it's important to have good friends to share your ups and downs with them.
Exactly... Very well said
 
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James Klymus

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I think this is more so an issue of growing up, rather than technology.

The way it works in western society, Is after school you go and get a good job, find a partner, have 2.5 kids, buy a house with a white picket fence etc..

The point is: People get busy. I see the same things happening in my own life. Right around 22-23, is when I started to notice I wasn't seeing my friends 3-4 times a week anymore. They started moving away, Getting in serious relationships, Getting full time jobs, And some started having kids.

These are huge responsibilities and there is only so much time in the day. Part of maturing as an adult is realizing that people are generally busy, and friends come and go. Some come back, and some you realize you haven't talked to in 2 years. Life happens.

Is that a good, healthy thing that society is set up that way? Who knows, But in my opinion, we need deep social interactions to feel fulfilled as humans.

I'll also say that I had a hard time around that age, because most of my friends were childhood ones, and I really didn't have many friends that I met as an adult. I felt lonely. I had acquaintances, but not people I would regularly see outside of work or have a deeper relationship with.

If you're lonely you need to do 2 things: Learn how to be social and make new friends, And go to places where you can meet people with similar interests. If you can do that, You can go anywhere and not be lonely.

And lastly, I do think technology could have an impact, In the sense that it could hinder your interpersonal skills from a young age, If you lack social interaction. For instance, "E learning" and Zoom classes for grade school kids at a critical window in life where they learn how to interact. This would obviously spill over into adulthood and create very socially awkward and lonely people.
 

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Read from people you admire and detach from the rest. If you want to be in the 1% you'll likely not be able to relate to the other 99%. Accept it. Life is loneliness. It always was. It's social media that gives us the illusion that we are "all connected".

I wouldn't say that life is loneliness. It's more like life is loneliness if you prioritize status (empty likes) over human connection. Older people IMO rarely have this problem.

I joined a tennis club in 2019 once I picked up my first job out of college and found a great community of players, however as I got better and better through constant practice and coaching, a lot of them fell by the wayside since I essentially outgrew them(over 3 years). It was great memories, however, since im an outlier in terms of skills at club, there is no challenge and i may hit with them for just the social aspect. As I grow and meet stronger players, they are not at clubs, there at public courts to where I meet them through leagues and invite them over.

I used to take tennis classes a few years ago but realized that I sucked at it and the community was way too uptight for my standards (I hate stuff like dress code).

I think it's a combination of things. Especially in the western world.

Good summary, I agree with that.

More goal oriented: Be it for work, Business, or hustle for money or taking care of new born baby, there are more practical things to achieve than hanging out and talk. I think in the west 2008 was the turning point. If you reach adulthood and already working you belong to the generation that mostly think things are going to be okay most of the time, but if you are the later generation that watch your house foreclosed and parents fired from the job, the permanent sense of insecurity is going to hunt you for the rest of your life and thus accepting hustling as a norm for survival.

I think it may be also cultural. In countries where people are content just chilling out (vs always doing something), friendships are probably easier to maintain.

I also feel lonely and it's even harder for me to find people with same interest than me, because I am a bodybuilder and my lifestyle is quite special for most people. Eat, sleep, train, work, repeat. Never go out.

Yeah quite common for productive and driven people to feel that, particularly at this age. I had a similar experience when I was your age because I was never interested in parties, drinking, etc.

Part of maturing as an adult is realizing that people are generally busy, and friends come and go.

I'd say that's not part of maturing but part of the script. There's no sensible reason to be so busy you can't spend a few hours a week with your friends.
 

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