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“F*ck This” : A story of Lost Emotions, Backstabs, Hopelessness, and Retribution at 17 years old…

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NoHeartTee9

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my message to MJ DeMarco: If you are reading this right now I want to thank you for finding it in your heart to share your experiences and exposing me to the truth of this cruel world..



my message to readers of this story:

I appreciate everyone who reads this whole thing through and gives me feedback. I hope to give inspiration and make the people who feel alone, not so alone



this is a long, but important and true story. I put my heart into this one. please, get your popcorn.



- Tee, a 17 year old with regained hope



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Ever since I can remember I stood apart from my peers in a social standpoint. Fitting in and wanting to be liked has been a struggle since the beginning of grade school. I accumulated a few good friends over the years, but was always ridiculed and ignored by the rest. Even my friends all have their knives they have put into my back at some point or another . I come from a broken home of neglect and rarely-existent love. I also come from a town in New Jersey filled with drug addicts and the occasional violence. I’m not going to tell you all my life story but I will recap the past year and how it has led me all up to this point. Suppressing my depression with nicotine, alcohol, social media, porn, and weed has been a prominent factor in my life especially over the last year. I was living with my mom in our two bedroom apartment last year where my only escape from her drug abusing boyfriend and constant arguments was my little home studio where I would write music about my struggles. Although, my emotions would never come out unless I was feeling them at that moment. My other escape was the routine parties almost every weekend with my best friend and his brother just to spend hundreds on alcohol and weed. I had a job at a shitty pizza place, but would occasionally sell weed to kids from my high school for some extra pocket cash.

I couldn’t even stand to be home and over this past summer I was living at my friends which was a free range household where there was blunts being passed around all hours of the day and constant mindless bickering from the people who stayed there. I got a knife pulled on me there when my exes boyfriend decided to show up over some petty bullshit. Overall , I was not in a good place physically or mentally. I would sometimes stop in to check in on my mom, but didn’t like to be there because of the situation she put me in. Her boyfriend who is a heroin addict and whom she has a baby with would break plates, tv’s, and my moms heart every single day. Yet, she chose that life and I do not feel sorry for her in the slightest. On a rainy day in June while i was at the weed house I got a call from my mother saying we were being kicked out our apartment and that there was no other place she could afford. She said we were going to move in with my grandparents who live 30 minutes out and we were going to figure out what to do from there. F*ck… not only do I now have to live with my mom and her boyfriend with no choice, I no longer will have my friends who provided me with the only company that kept me sane. Over the next few weeks I packed away my stuff and my tears of rage into a cardboard box.



We moved into my grandparents in July just a few days before my birthday. Even though my friends were only 30 minutes away, I still felt alone and afraid of what was to come. My grandparents made it very clear to my moms boyfriend that if he was going to stay there, there was going to be a very strict no-drug policy in place. He told them the same “i’m done with all that” story and same reassuring bullshit he would always tell my mom before she would send him to rehab. Of course they believed that.



On July 17th , the day of my birthday, we were sitting around the dinner table eating the home cooked ribs my grandfather made on the grill when all the sudden a door slammed. My moms boyfriend had come home from “the gym” aka his excuse to go pickup heroin. I didn’t even care enough to tell any of them the lies i could see coming straight from his mouth. He came in the door high as a kite and my grandparents could tell immediately he wasn’t sober. Yelling ensued for the next 2 hours as he was being packed away to rehab. I sat on my bed which was a couch and thought about how ending my life would be better then all this pain I was feeling. Happy birthday to me right. I did have a choice of somewhere else to stay, but just the thought of it made my stomach turn. My fathers.



Me and my father have a very bad past. He was never a father in my eyes. I used to live with him part time when he was staying with my grandmother. When I had officially moved in with my mom years ago, the burden was lifted off his chest and he moved in with his girlfriend and started living a better life. I thought about it more and more as the days passed and my mental health got worse. I came to a decision that even though my father was never a father to me in the past , moving in with him and his girlfriend would be better than my current situation. I called him to tell him what was going on and he told me I was welcome to stay in the guest room. Other than dealing with his perfectionist bullshit he would project onto me even though he couldn’t live in his own words, I would also have to leave all my friends for good and rarely ever be able to see them. The risk for a healthier household seemed smart though. When I told my mom she cried for days and would say, “but i can try to get us a place!” or “it won’t be that bad here, you can just finish out your senior year here at grandmas and figure out your life after.” Yeah and be trapped with Heroin Harry when he makes his return from rehab and convinces my mom to beg my grandparents to let him back in ? No thanks. It’s hard seeing the mother I once knew, keep letting this parasite into our family. Not only was he disrespecting us, he was destroying the whole family’s relationship. My little brother who is currently 9 months old is going to be one f*cked up kid if this continues. I don’t want him to have to experience what I’ve dealt with for the past 17 years. If I could go back to 8 year old me and give him a hug.. maybe I wouldn’t be so cold as I am today.



Anyways, back to moving in with dad. My father lives with his girlfriend about an hour from my grandparents house in a small little run down town in Pennsylvania called Catasaqua. A weird town with only 600 kids that go to the school. They live in a nicer part of the town though in a 3 bedroom townhouse with a finished basement. This was definitely a step up from my past situation as I had not lived like this in a long time nor was i any longer paying for my own basic needs. Since my dad doesn’t have a large rent to pay to his girlfriend since she owns the house, he has money to afford a lot more things. A lot of which he spends on bullshit like his three spoiled, miniature, ankle biting canines. Or his surround sound 60 inch tv equipped with the latest Xbox series X. Even though Dad has some money now he is still the same criticizing son of a bitch he’s always been. No disrespect, even though you try to put me down in every way possible, I still love you dad. The “your never going to amount to anything” look greets my eyes every time I cross paths with him. “Hard work pays off. Go above and beyond for bosses and you’ll see how respected you become. “ Why not go above and beyond for myself Dad ? Why kiss my bosses a$$ when I’m literally doing things he tells me to do ? If anything he should be kissing mine. He depends on me to get his dirty work done. “Everything is always a F*cking argument with you. You always have an excuse for everything.” Yeah just like how you always used to have an excuse when I would ask you to hang out.



When I moved in it was late august, a week before school started. I was approaching life from a different point of view now and attempting to turn around my life. I was going to have to meet new people and somehow form relationships with them so I can live out my dream senior year accordingly. Welp, let’s just say that didn’t happen. I have that “dirty white boy look” as they call it. I have a few face piercings and bloodshot eyes in the morning from my insomnia. Guess that defines me as a bad person. In homeroom someone told me it looks like I’m ready to commit murder and face a life sentence with no remorse. Nice way to make me feel welcome guys! This new school is filled with judgmental assholes who won’t lift a finger to get to know me in the slightest way possible. A few saw the real in me though, of course the stoners. It’s not even like I want to be associated with that group, it’s just my people. I usually attract broken people. It’s in my blood I guess. Other than school, I started to create better habits and routines in my personal life. I learned to just ignore Dad and realize he was never going to change. I started hitting the gym a few times a week and exploring the outdoors more. Even though in those moments I felt like I had a healthier mind, when I wasn’t distracted I still felt this feeling of loneliness eating at the bottom of my soul. Not just loneliness, but no improvement. Just constant downfall. I setup my studio at the new place but I’m never able to reach deep down with music. All of it just seems worthless now.



Now this next and final segment is going to seem very cliche in the fact that it sounds like a movie script and may seem dramatic, but to me its what made me open my eyes and is the reason i’m writing this right now. Just bare with me here as I give some context.



Romantic relationships for me have never worked out. Love is a hard thing for me to understand as I haven’t received it most of my life in general. Nobody truly understands me in the way I do. Not family, not friends, not the few girlfriends I’ve had. I’ve been cheated on, mistreated, mentally abused, ignored, the list goes on. I can count out at least 5 separate females that have tore me apart and took the pieces of me with them. My generation is heartless, so I’ve tried to adapt to become like them. My only problem is with the lack of love I have for myself, I try to give everything to the other person. They always end up talking to another guy or telling me how I meant nothing to them when I gave them every ounce of love left in my heart. When I moved here I started talking to a girl who was quirky, but seemed to appreciate me for me. After a month and a half of investment I come to learn she slept with another boy who was “just a friend” . Her remorse, 0. My care level, lower than usual. I’m used to it at this point. I didn’t care about that but the fact that I could never mean something to anybody eats at me deeper every-time. That is until I started talking to Jorgette.



Jorgette. My female counterpart. The person I have been searching for all my life. The person who I finally feel will be able to provide me with the support I’ve been needing. The first time me and her hung out I knew something was different. When she held my hand I swear on everything that finally for once in my life, the voices were gone. That feeling of nothingness was finally revitalized, she gave me hope. Even though she has some very bad mental problems herself I want to help her and give her the world she deserves. She listens to me and tells me her dreams. She tells me she doesn’t think she can get there though, her mind has her locked inside of a mental prison. So does mine, Jorgette. I tell you important and traumatic things, just not the deepest darkest secrets about me. A little bit of time passes, although she doesn’t bring up a romantic relationship with me. She holds me and comforts me in ways a partner would. When I’m back at home the voices are back and the overthinking is more prominent than ever. F*ck, I need to tell her how I feel.



She had just previously gotten out of a relationship and was very damaged at the moment I met her. She stared at me with eyes of awe though every time I would see her or be on facetime with her. After nights of pacing back and forth in my room I rack up the courage to text her, “i would rather say this in person, but i just wanted to say i really like you jorgette. i been thinking abt u lots recently. i just wanted to make sure u felt the same way b4 i got hurt, but i really like being your best friend right now and spending time with you.. i don’t want to rush into things like i always do. i also understand u are recovering from your past relationship and you need ur space. i just thought i would let you know because i thought u should know how i feel about you before u keep hanging out with me, but for right now i just want to keep being each others person to lean on before hand if we did end up having some sort of future…“ Why the F*ck would I ruin what we had for my own self coddling reasons. Even if we weren’t dating she still gave me love. F*ck, F*ck, F*ck. She texts back a couple hours later saying she isn’t ready for a relationship with me in any means but she still appreciates me the same and is here for me. Something snapped in my brain at this moment. The person I’ve wanted all my life I couldn’t have.



Around the time I met Jorgette I started reading “Unscripted ” by MJ DeMarco (the owner of this page). At first I was skeptical, but became intrigued in the fact that the whole life I was living was a lie. The last time I actually picked up a book and read it was probably 6th grade. For some reason as I got more invested into this book I started to understand why I was feeling the way I was always feeling. It was almost a form of therapy as I would flip the pages. I learned about the authors hardships and how he too also wanted to end his life at his lowest point. In the coming days of me texting Jorgette how I felt about her, she became more distant, but would still text me thoughtful messages about how she cared about me. I would see her hanging out with other people on social media. When my brain snapped , it wasn’t because I was saddened in the thought I couldn’t have her it was the fact I let my own past get in the way. I wanted something she wasn’t ready for and I knew that. The irony of reading “Unscripted ” is that as this happened in my life it co-aligned with the fact I needed to change as a person. I had just started reading the part about FTE’s or the “F*ck This Event,” The turning point in a persons life where they realize they need to make change. An undoubted decision that is programmed into your brain. My phone and computer are now strictly used as creative, business and learning tools. I wave my scripted lifestyle goodbye as I dive into a new world of self improvement and entrepreneurship. It wasn’t Jorgette I needed all this time, it was me. I had to finally account for my actions and put myself through even more hardships to make a better version of myself. I’ve just started the portion of the book about entrepreneurship and I’ve decided this is what I’m going to chase. This is what I’m going to fulfill. This is going to fill the empty space. Not the destination, but the journey. As I still battle with mental struggles it feels good to have something other than a person that is giving me hope. Social media, unruly customaries , and people’s opinions no longer play a role in my life. Most importantly, my past. I don’t need all the things I’ve ever wanted, but shit once I’m past the journey, it will feel good as hell to have the ability to get them. I’m okay now, I promised myself this. And as far as Jorgette, she’s always welcome in my private jet when the time comes, or maybe I’ll be flying solo..
 
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nz nittehi vu NK Finesdu: Og zua esi siefoph vjot sohjv pux O xepv vu vjepl zua gus gopfoph ov op zuas jiesv vu tjesi zuas iyqisoipdit epf iyqutoph ni vu vji vsavj ug vjot dsaim xusmf..



nz nittehi vu siefist ug vjot tvusz:

O eqqsidoevi iwiszupi xju sieft vjot xjumi vjoph vjsuahj epf howit ni giifcedl. O juqi vu howi optqosevoup epf neli vji qiuqmi xju giim emupi, puv tu emupi



vjot ot e muph, cav onqusvepv epf vsai tvusz. O qav nz jiesv opvu vjot upi. qmieti, hiv zuas quqdusp.



- Vii, e 17 zies umf xovj siheopif juqi



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Iwis topdi O dep sinincis O tvuuf eqesv gsun nz qiist op e tudoem tvepfquopv. Govvoph op epf xepvoph vu ci molif jet ciip e tvsahhmi topdi vji cihoppoph ug hsefi tdjuum. O eddanamevif e gix huuf gsoipft uwis vji ziest, cav xet emxezt sofodamif epf ohpusif cz vji sitv. Iwip nz gsoipft emm jewi vjios lpowit vjiz jewi qav opvu nz cedl ev tuni quopv us epuvjis . O duni gsun e csulip juni ug pihmidv epf sesimz-iyotvipv muwi. O emtu duni gsun e vuxp op Pix Kistiz gommif xovj fsah effodvt epf vji uddetoupem woumipdi. O’n puv huoph vu vimm zua emm nz mogi tvusz cav O xomm sideq vji qetv zies epf jux ov jet mif ni emm aq vu vjot quopv. Taqqsittoph nz fiqsittoup xovj poduvopi, emdujum, tudoem nifoe, qusp, epf xiif jet ciip e qsunopipv gedvus op nz mogi itqidoemmz uwis vji metv zies. O xet mowoph xovj nz nun op uas vxu cifsuun eqesvnipv metv zies xjisi nz upmz itdeqi gsun jis fsah ecatoph cuzgsoipf epf duptvepv eshanipvt xet nz movvmi juni tvafou xjisi O xuamf xsovi natod ecuav nz tvsahhmit. Emvjuahj, nz inuvoupt xuamf piwis duni uav apmitt O xet giimoph vjin ev vjev nunipv. Nz uvjis itdeqi xet vji suavopi qesvoit emnutv iwisz xiilipf xovj nz citv gsoipf epf jot csuvjis katv vu tqipf japfsift up emdujum epf xiif. O jef e kuc ev e tjovvz qobbe qmedi, cav xuamf uddetoupemmz timm xiif vu loft gsun nz johj tdjuum gus tuni iyvse qudliv detj.

O duamfp’v iwip tvepf vu ci juni epf uwis vjot qetv tannis O xet mowoph ev nz gsoipft xjodj xet e gsii sephi juatijumf xjisi vjisi xet cmapvt cioph qettif esuapf emm juast ug vji fez epf duptvepv nopfmitt codlisoph gsun vji qiuqmi xju tvezif vjisi. O huv e lpogi qammif up ni vjisi xjip nz iyit cuzgsoipf fidofif vu tjux aq uwis tuni qivvz cammtjov. Uwisemm , O xet puv op e huuf qmedi qjztodemmz us nipvemmz. O xuamf tunivonit tvuq op vu djidl op up nz nun, cav fofp’v moli vu ci vjisi cideati ug vji tovaevoup tji qav ni op. Jis cuzgsoipf xju ot e jisuop effodv epf xjun tji jet e cecz xovj xuamf csiel qmevit, vw’t, epf nz nunt jiesv iwisz tophmi fez. Ziv, tji djuti vjev mogi epf O fu puv giim tussz gus jis op vji tmohjvitv. Up e seopz fez op Kapi xjomi o xet ev vji xiif juati O huv e demm gsun nz nuvjis tezoph xi xisi cioph lodlif uav uas eqesvnipv epf vjev vjisi xet pu uvjis qmedi tji duamf eggusf. Tji teof xi xisi huoph vu nuwi op xovj nz hsepfqesipvt xju mowi 30 nopavit uav epf xi xisi huoph vu gohasi uav xjev vu fu gsun vjisi. G*dl… puv upmz fu O pux jewi vu mowi xovj nz nun epf jis cuzgsoipf xovj pu djuodi, O pu muphis xomm jewi nz gsoipft xju qsuwofif ni xovj vji upmz dunqepz vjev liqv ni tepi. Uwis vji piyv gix xiilt O qedlif exez nz tvagg epf nz viest ug sehi opvu e desfcuesf cuy.



Xi nuwif opvu nz hsepfqesipvt op Kamz katv e gix fezt cigusi nz cosvjfez. Iwip vjuahj nz gsoipft xisi upmz 30 nopavit exez, O tvomm gimv emupi epf egseof ug xjev xet vu duni. Nz hsepfqesipvt nefi ov wisz dmies vu nz nunt cuzgsoipf vjev og ji xet huoph vu tvez vjisi, vjisi xet huoph vu ci e wisz tvsodv pu-fsah qumodz op qmedi. Ji vumf vjin vji teni “o’n fupi xovj emm vjev” tvusz epf teni siettasoph cammtjov ji xuamf emxezt vimm nz nun cigusi tji xuamf tipf jon vu sijec. Ug duasti vjiz cimoiwif vjev.



Up Kamz 17vj , vji fez ug nz cosvjfez, xi xisi tovvoph esuapf vji foppis vecmi ievoph vji juni duulif soct nz hsepfgevjis nefi up vji hsomm xjip emm vji taffip e fuus tmennif. Nz nunt cuzgsoipf jef duni juni gsun “vji hzn” ele jot iydati vu hu qodlaq jisuop. O fofp’v iwip desi ipuahj vu vimm epz ug vjin vji moit o duamf tii dunoph tvseohjv gsun jot nuavj. Ji deni op vji fuus johj et e lovi epf nz hsepfqesipvt duamf vimm onnifoevimz ji xetp’v tucis. Zimmoph iptaif gus vji piyv 2 juast et ji xet cioph qedlif exez vu sijec. O tev up nz cif xjodj xet e duadj epf vjuahjv ecuav jux ipfoph nz mogi xuamf ci civvis vjip emm vjot qeop O xet giimoph. Jeqqz cosvjfez vu ni sohjv. O fof jewi e djuodi ug tunixjisi imti vu tvez, cav katv vji vjuahjv ug ov nefi nz tvunedj vasp. Nz gevjist.



Ni epf nz gevjis jewi e wisz cef qetv. Ji xet piwis e gevjis op nz izit. O atif vu mowi xovj jon qesv voni xjip ji xet tvezoph xovj nz hsepfnuvjis. Xjip O jef uggodoemmz nuwif op xovj nz nun ziest ehu, vji casfip xet mogvif ugg jot djitv epf ji nuwif op xovj jot hosmgsoipf epf tvesvif mowoph e civvis mogi. O vjuahjv ecuav ov nusi epf nusi et vji fezt qettif epf nz nipvem jiemvj huv xusti. O deni vu e fidotoup vjev iwip vjuahj nz gevjis xet piwis e gevjis vu ni op vji qetv , nuwoph op xovj jon epf jot hosmgsoipf xuamf ci civvis vjep nz dassipv tovaevoup. O demmif jon vu vimm jon xjev xet huoph up epf ji vumf ni O xet ximduni vu tvez op vji haitv suun. Uvjis vjep fiemoph xovj jot qisgidvoupotv cammtjov ji xuamf qsukidv upvu ni iwip vjuahj ji duamfp’v mowi op jot uxp xusft, O xuamf emtu jewi vu miewi emm nz gsoipft gus huuf epf sesimz iwis ci ecmi vu tii vjin. Vji sotl gus e jiemvjois juatijumf tiinif tnesv vjuahj. Xjip O vumf nz nun tji dsoif gus fezt epf xuamf tez, “cav o dep vsz vu hiv at e qmedi!” us “ov xup’v ci vjev cef jisi, zua dep katv gopotj uav zuas tipous zies jisi ev hsepfnet epf gohasi uav zuas mogi egvis.” Ziej epf ci vseqqif xovj Jisuop Jessz xjip ji nelit jot sivasp gsun sijec epf dupwopdit nz nun vu cih nz hsepfqesipvt vu miv jon cedl op ? Pu vjeplt. Ov’t jesf tiioph vji nuvjis O updi lpix, liiq mivvoph vjot qesetovi opvu uas genomz. Puv upmz xet ji fotsitqidvoph at, ji xet fitvsuzoph vji xjumi genomz’t simevouptjoq. Nz movvmi csuvjis xju ot dassipvmz 9 nupvjt umf ot huoph vu ci upi g*dlif aq lof og vjot dupvopait. O fup’v xepv jon vu jewi vu iyqisoipdi xjev O’wi fiemv xovj gus vji qetv 17 ziest. Og O duamf hu cedl vu 8 zies umf ni epf howi jon e jah.. nezci O xuamfp’v ci tu dumf et O en vufez.



Epzxezt, cedl vu nuwoph op xovj fef. Nz gevjis mowit xovj jot hosmgsoipf ecuav ep juas gsun nz hsepfqesipvt juati op e tnemm movvmi sap fuxp vuxp op Qipptzmwepoe demmif Deveterae. E xiosf vuxp xovj upmz 600 loft vjev hu vu vji tdjuum. Vjiz mowi op e podis qesv ug vji vuxp vjuahj op e 3 cifsuun vuxpjuati xovj e gopotjif cetinipv. Vjot xet figopovimz e tviq aq gsun nz qetv tovaevoup et O jef puv mowif moli vjot op e muph voni pus xet o epz muphis qezoph gus nz uxp cetod piift. Topdi nz fef fuitp’v jewi e meshi sipv vu qez vu jot hosmgsoipf topdi tji uxpt vji juati, ji jet nupiz vu eggusf e muv nusi vjopht. E muv ug xjodj ji tqipft up cammtjov moli jot vjsii tquomif, nopoevasi, eplmi covoph depopit. Us jot tassuapf tuapf 60 opdj vw iraoqqif xovj vji mevitv Ycuy tisoit Y. Iwip vjuahj Fef jet tuni nupiz pux ji ot tvomm vji teni dsovodoboph tup ug e covdj ji’t emxezt ciip. Pu fotsitqidv, iwip vjuahj zua vsz vu qav ni fuxp op iwisz xez quttocmi, O tvomm muwi zua fef. Vji “zuas piwis huoph vu enuapv vu epzvjoph” muul hsiivt nz izit iwisz voni O dsutt qevjt xovj jon. “Jesf xusl qezt ugg. Hu ecuwi epf cizupf gus cuttit epf zua’mm tii jux sitqidvif zua ciduni. “ Xjz puv hu ecuwi epf cizupf gus nztimg Fef ? Xjz lott nz cuttit e$$ xjip O’n movisemmz fuoph vjopht ji vimmt ni vu fu ? Og epzvjoph ji tjuamf ci lottoph nopi. Ji fiqipft up ni vu hiv jot fosvz xusl fupi. “Iwiszvjoph ot emxezt e G*dloph eshanipv xovj zua. Zua emxezt jewi ep iydati gus iwiszvjoph.” Ziej katv moli jux zua emxezt atif vu jewi ep iydati xjip O xuamf etl zua vu jeph uav.



Xjip O nuwif op ov xet mevi eahatv, e xiil cigusi tdjuum tvesvif. O xet eqqsuedjoph mogi gsun e foggisipv quopv ug woix pux epf evvinqvoph vu vasp esuapf nz mogi. O xet huoph vu jewi vu niiv pix qiuqmi epf tunijux gusn simevouptjoqt xovj vjin tu O dep mowi uav nz fsien tipous zies eddusfophmz. Ximq, miv’t katv tez vjev fofp’v jeqqip. O jewi vjev “fosvz xjovi cuz muul” et vjiz demm ov. O jewi e gix gedi qoisdopht epf cmuuftjuv izit op vji nuspoph gsun nz optunpoe. Haitt vjev figopit ni et e cef qistup. Op junisuun tuniupi vumf ni ov muult moli O’n siefz vu dunnov nasfis epf gedi e mogi tipvipdi xovj pu sinusti. Podi xez vu neli ni giim ximduni hazt! Vjot pix tdjuum ot gommif xovj kafhnipvem ettjumit xju xup’v mogv e gophis vu hiv vu lpux ni op vji tmohjvitv xez quttocmi. E gix tex vji siem op ni vjuahj, ug duasti vji tvupist. Ov’t puv iwip moli O xepv vu ci ettudoevif xovj vjev hsuaq, ov’t katv nz qiuqmi. O ataemmz evvsedv csulip qiuqmi. Ov’t op nz cmuuf O haitt. Uvjis vjep tdjuum, O tvesvif vu dsievi civvis jecovt epf suavopit op nz qistupem mogi. O miespif vu katv ohpusi Fef epf siemobi ji xet piwis huoph vu djephi. O tvesvif jovvoph vji hzn e gix vonit e xiil epf iyqmusoph vji uavfuust nusi. Iwip vjuahj op vjuti nunipvt O gimv moli O jef e jiemvjois nopf, xjip O xetp’v fotvsedvif O tvomm gimv vjot giimoph ug mupimopitt ievoph ev vji cuvvun ug nz tuam. Puv katv mupimopitt, cav pu onqsuwinipv. Katv duptvepv fuxpgemm. O tivaq nz tvafou ev vji pix qmedi cav O’n piwis ecmi vu siedj fiiq fuxp xovj natod. Emm ug ov katv tiint xusvjmitt pux.



Pux vjot piyv epf gopem tihnipv ot huoph vu tiin wisz dmodji op vji gedv vjev ov tuapft moli e nuwoi tdsoqv epf nez tiin fsenevod, cav vu ni ovt xjev nefi ni uqip nz izit epf ot vji sietup o’n xsovoph vjot sohjv pux. Katv cesi xovj ni jisi et O howi tuni dupviyv.



Sunepvod simevouptjoqt gus ni jewi piwis xuslif uav. Muwi ot e jesf vjoph gus ni vu apfistvepf et O jewip’v sidiowif ov nutv ug nz mogi op hipisem. Pucufz vsamz apfistvepft ni op vji xez O fu. Puv genomz, puv gsoipft, puv vji gix hosmgsoipft O’wi jef. O’wi ciip djievif up, notvsievif, nipvemmz ecatif, ohpusif, vji motv huit up. O dep duapv uav ev mietv 5 tiqesevi ginemit vjev jewi vusi ni eqesv epf vuul vji qoidit ug ni xovj vjin. Nz hipisevoup ot jiesvmitt, tu O’wi vsoif vu efeqv vu ciduni moli vjin. Nz upmz qsucmin ot xovj vji medl ug muwi O jewi gus nztimg, O vsz vu howi iwiszvjoph vu vji uvjis qistup. Vjiz emxezt ipf aq vemloph vu epuvjis haz us vimmoph ni jux O niepv puvjoph vu vjin xjip O hewi vjin iwisz uapdi ug muwi migv op nz jiesv. Xjip O nuwif jisi O tvesvif vemloph vu e hosm xju xet raoslz, cav tiinif vu eqqsidoevi ni gus ni. Egvis e nupvj epf e jemg ug opwitvnipv O duni vu miesp tji tmiqv xovj epuvjis cuz xju xet “katv e gsoipf” . Jis sinusti, 0. Nz desi miwim, muxis vjep ataem. O’n atif vu ov ev vjot quopv. O fofp’v desi ecuav vjev cav vji gedv vjev O duamf piwis niep tunivjoph vu epzcufz ievt ev ni fiiqis iwisz-voni. Vjev ot apvom O tvesvif vemloph vu Kushivvi.



Kushivvi. Nz ginemi duapvisqesv. Vji qistup O jewi ciip tiesdjoph gus emm nz mogi. Vji qistup xju O gopemmz giim xomm ci ecmi vu qsuwofi ni xovj vji taqqusv O’wi ciip piifoph. Vji gostv voni ni epf jis japh uav O lpix tunivjoph xet foggisipv. Xjip tji jimf nz jepf O txies up iwiszvjoph vjev gopemmz gus updi op nz mogi, vji wuodit xisi hupi. Vjev giimoph ug puvjophpitt xet gopemmz siwovemobif, tji hewi ni juqi. Iwip vjuahj tji jet tuni wisz cef nipvem qsucmint jistimg O xepv vu jimq jis epf howi jis vji xusmf tji fitiswit. Tji motvipt vu ni epf vimmt ni jis fsient. Tji vimmt ni tji fuitp’v vjopl tji dep hiv vjisi vjuahj, jis nopf jet jis mudlif optofi ug e nipvem qsotup. Tu fuit nopi, Kushivvi. O vimm zua onqusvepv epf vseanevod vjopht, katv puv vji fiiqitv feslitv tidsivt ecuav ni. E movvmi cov ug voni qettit, emvjuahj tji fuitp’v csoph aq e sunepvod simevouptjoq xovj ni. Tji jumft ni epf dungusvt ni op xezt e qesvpis xuamf. Xjip O’n cedl ev juni vji wuodit esi cedl epf vji uwisvjoploph ot nusi qsunopipv vjep iwis. G*dl, O piif vu vimm jis jux O giim.



Tji jef katv qsiwouatmz huvvip uav ug e simevouptjoq epf xet wisz fenehif ev vji nunipv O niv jis. Tji tvesif ev ni xovj izit ug exi vjuahj iwisz voni O xuamf tii jis us ci up gedivoni xovj jis. Egvis pohjvt ug qedoph cedl epf gusvj op nz suun O sedl aq vji duasehi vu viyv jis, “o xuamf sevjis tez vjot op qistup, cav o katv xepvif vu tez o siemmz moli zua kushivvi. o ciip vjoploph ecv a muvt sidipvmz. o katv xepvif vu neli tasi a gimv vji teni xez c4 o huv jasv, cav o siemmz moli cioph zuas citv gsoipf sohjv pux epf tqipfoph voni xovj zua.. o fup’v xepv vu satj opvu vjopht moli o emxezt fu. o emtu apfistvepf a esi siduwisoph gsun zuas qetv simevouptjoq epf zua piif as tqedi. o katv vjuahjv o xuamf miv zua lpux cideati o vjuahjv a tjuamf lpux jux o giim ecuav zua cigusi a liiq jephoph uav xovj ni, cav gus sohjv pux o katv xepv vu liiq cioph iedj uvjist qistup vu miep up cigusi jepf og xi fof ipf aq jewoph tuni tusv ug gavasi…“ Xjz vji G*dl xuamf O saop xjev xi jef gus nz uxp timg duffmoph sietupt. Iwip og xi xisip’v fevoph tji tvomm hewi ni muwi. G*dl, G*dl, G*dl. Tji viyvt cedl e duaqmi juast mevis tezoph tji otp’v siefz gus e simevouptjoq xovj ni op epz niept cav tji tvomm eqqsidoevit ni vji teni epf ot jisi gus ni. Tunivjoph tpeqqif op nz cseop ev vjot nunipv. Vji qistup O’wi xepvif emm nz mogi O duamfp’v jewi.



Esuapf vji voni O niv Kushivvi O tvesvif siefoph “Aptdsoqvif” cz NK Finesdu (vji uxpis ug vjot qehi). Ev gostv O xet tliqvodem, cav cideni opvsohaif op vji gedv vjev vji xjumi mogi O xet mowoph xet e moi. Vji metv voni O edvaemmz qodlif aq e cuul epf sief ov xet qsucecmz 6vj hsefi. Gus tuni sietup et O huv nusi opwitvif opvu vjot cuul O tvesvif vu apfistvepf xjz O xet giimoph vji xez O xet emxezt giimoph. Ov xet emnutv e gusn ug vjiseqz et O xuamf gmoq vji qehit. O miespif ecuav vji eavjust jesftjoqt epf jux ji vuu emtu xepvif vu ipf jot mogi ev jot muxitv quopv. Op vji dunoph fezt ug ni viyvoph Kushivvi jux O gimv ecuav jis, tji cideni nusi fotvepv, cav xuamf tvomm viyv ni vjuahjvgam nittehit ecuav jux tji desif ecuav ni. O xuamf tii jis jephoph uav xovj uvjis qiuqmi up tudoem nifoe. Xjip nz cseop tpeqqif , ov xetp’v cideati O xet teffipif op vji vjuahjv O duamfp’v jewi jis ov xet vji gedv O miv nz uxp qetv hiv op vji xez. O xepvif tunivjoph tji xetp’v siefz gus epf O lpix vjev. Vji osupz ug siefoph “Aptdsoqvif” ot vjev et vjot jeqqipif op nz mogi ov du-emohpif xovj vji gedv O piifif vu djephi et e qistup. O jef katv tvesvif siefoph vji qesv ecuav GVI’t us vji “G*dl Vjot Iwipv,” Vji vaspoph quopv op e qistupt mogi xjisi vjiz siemobi vjiz piif vu neli djephi. Ep apfuacvif fidotoup vjev ot qsuhsennif opvu zuas cseop. Nz qjupi epf dunqavis esi pux tvsodvmz atif et dsievowi, catopitt epf miespoph vuumt. O xewi nz tdsoqvif mogitvzmi huufczi et O fowi opvu e pix xusmf ug timg onqsuwinipv epf ipvsiqsipiastjoq. Ov xetp’v Kushivvi O piifif emm vjot voni, ov xet ni. O jef vu gopemmz edduapv gus nz edvoupt epf qav nztimg vjsuahj iwip nusi jesftjoqt vu neli e civvis wistoup ug nztimg. O’wi katv tvesvif vji qusvoup ug vji cuul ecuav ipvsiqsipiastjoq epf O’wi fidofif vjot ot xjev O’n huoph vu djeti. Vjot ot xjev O’n huoph vu gamgomm. Vjot ot huoph vu gomm vji inqvz tqedi. Puv vji fitvopevoup, cav vji kuaspiz. Et O tvomm cevvmi xovj nipvem tvsahhmit ov giimt huuf vu jewi tunivjoph uvjis vjep e qistup vjev ot howoph ni juqi. Tudoem nifoe, apsamz datvunesoit , epf qiuqmi’t uqopoupt pu muphis qmez e sumi op nz mogi. Nutv onqusvepvmz, nz qetv. O fup’v piif emm vji vjopht O’wi iwis xepvif, cav tjov updi O’n qetv vji kuaspiz, ov xomm giim huuf et jimm vu jewi vji ecomovz vu hiv vjin. O’n ulez pux, O qsunotif nztimg vjot. Epf et ges et Kushivvi, tji’t emxezt ximduni op nz qsowevi kiv xjip vji voni dunit, us nezci O’mm ci gmzoph tumu..
juqi vji citv gus zua!
 
nz nittehi vu NK Finesdu: Og zua esi siefoph vjot sohjv pux O xepv vu vjepl zua gus gopfoph ov op zuas jiesv vu tjesi zuas iyqisoipdit epf iyqutoph ni vu vji vsavj ug vjot dsaim xusmf..



nz nittehi vu siefist ug vjot tvusz:

O eqqsidoevi iwiszupi xju sieft vjot xjumi vjoph vjsuahj epf howit ni giifcedl. O juqi vu howi optqosevoup epf neli vji qiuqmi xju giim emupi, puv tu emupi



vjot ot e muph, cav onqusvepv epf vsai tvusz. O qav nz jiesv opvu vjot upi. qmieti, hiv zuas quqdusp.



- Vii, e 17 zies umf xovj siheopif juqi



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Iwis topdi O dep sinincis O tvuuf eqesv gsun nz qiist op e tudoem tvepfquopv. Govvoph op epf xepvoph vu ci molif jet ciip e tvsahhmi topdi vji cihoppoph ug hsefi tdjuum. O eddanamevif e gix huuf gsoipft uwis vji ziest, cav xet emxezt sofodamif epf ohpusif cz vji sitv. Iwip nz gsoipft emm jewi vjios lpowit vjiz jewi qav opvu nz cedl ev tuni quopv us epuvjis . O duni gsun e csulip juni ug pihmidv epf sesimz-iyotvipv muwi. O emtu duni gsun e vuxp op Pix Kistiz gommif xovj fsah effodvt epf vji uddetoupem woumipdi. O’n puv huoph vu vimm zua emm nz mogi tvusz cav O xomm sideq vji qetv zies epf jux ov jet mif ni emm aq vu vjot quopv. Taqqsittoph nz fiqsittoup xovj poduvopi, emdujum, tudoem nifoe, qusp, epf xiif jet ciip e qsunopipv gedvus op nz mogi itqidoemmz uwis vji metv zies. O xet mowoph xovj nz nun op uas vxu cifsuun eqesvnipv metv zies xjisi nz upmz itdeqi gsun jis fsah ecatoph cuzgsoipf epf duptvepv eshanipvt xet nz movvmi juni tvafou xjisi O xuamf xsovi natod ecuav nz tvsahhmit. Emvjuahj, nz inuvoupt xuamf piwis duni uav apmitt O xet giimoph vjin ev vjev nunipv. Nz uvjis itdeqi xet vji suavopi qesvoit emnutv iwisz xiilipf xovj nz citv gsoipf epf jot csuvjis katv vu tqipf japfsift up emdujum epf xiif. O jef e kuc ev e tjovvz qobbe qmedi, cav xuamf uddetoupemmz timm xiif vu loft gsun nz johj tdjuum gus tuni iyvse qudliv detj.

O duamfp’v iwip tvepf vu ci juni epf uwis vjot qetv tannis O xet mowoph ev nz gsoipft xjodj xet e gsii sephi juatijumf xjisi vjisi xet cmapvt cioph qettif esuapf emm juast ug vji fez epf duptvepv nopfmitt codlisoph gsun vji qiuqmi xju tvezif vjisi. O huv e lpogi qammif up ni vjisi xjip nz iyit cuzgsoipf fidofif vu tjux aq uwis tuni qivvz cammtjov. Uwisemm , O xet puv op e huuf qmedi qjztodemmz us nipvemmz. O xuamf tunivonit tvuq op vu djidl op up nz nun, cav fofp’v moli vu ci vjisi cideati ug vji tovaevoup tji qav ni op. Jis cuzgsoipf xju ot e jisuop effodv epf xjun tji jet e cecz xovj xuamf csiel qmevit, vw’t, epf nz nunt jiesv iwisz tophmi fez. Ziv, tji djuti vjev mogi epf O fu puv giim tussz gus jis op vji tmohjvitv. Up e seopz fez op Kapi xjomi o xet ev vji xiif juati O huv e demm gsun nz nuvjis tezoph xi xisi cioph lodlif uav uas eqesvnipv epf vjev vjisi xet pu uvjis qmedi tji duamf eggusf. Tji teof xi xisi huoph vu nuwi op xovj nz hsepfqesipvt xju mowi 30 nopavit uav epf xi xisi huoph vu gohasi uav xjev vu fu gsun vjisi. G*dl… puv upmz fu O pux jewi vu mowi xovj nz nun epf jis cuzgsoipf xovj pu djuodi, O pu muphis xomm jewi nz gsoipft xju qsuwofif ni xovj vji upmz dunqepz vjev liqv ni tepi. Uwis vji piyv gix xiilt O qedlif exez nz tvagg epf nz viest ug sehi opvu e desfcuesf cuy.



Xi nuwif opvu nz hsepfqesipvt op Kamz katv e gix fezt cigusi nz cosvjfez. Iwip vjuahj nz gsoipft xisi upmz 30 nopavit exez, O tvomm gimv emupi epf egseof ug xjev xet vu duni. Nz hsepfqesipvt nefi ov wisz dmies vu nz nunt cuzgsoipf vjev og ji xet huoph vu tvez vjisi, vjisi xet huoph vu ci e wisz tvsodv pu-fsah qumodz op qmedi. Ji vumf vjin vji teni “o’n fupi xovj emm vjev” tvusz epf teni siettasoph cammtjov ji xuamf emxezt vimm nz nun cigusi tji xuamf tipf jon vu sijec. Ug duasti vjiz cimoiwif vjev.



Up Kamz 17vj , vji fez ug nz cosvjfez, xi xisi tovvoph esuapf vji foppis vecmi ievoph vji juni duulif soct nz hsepfgevjis nefi up vji hsomm xjip emm vji taffip e fuus tmennif. Nz nunt cuzgsoipf jef duni juni gsun “vji hzn” ele jot iydati vu hu qodlaq jisuop. O fofp’v iwip desi ipuahj vu vimm epz ug vjin vji moit o duamf tii dunoph tvseohjv gsun jot nuavj. Ji deni op vji fuus johj et e lovi epf nz hsepfqesipvt duamf vimm onnifoevimz ji xetp’v tucis. Zimmoph iptaif gus vji piyv 2 juast et ji xet cioph qedlif exez vu sijec. O tev up nz cif xjodj xet e duadj epf vjuahjv ecuav jux ipfoph nz mogi xuamf ci civvis vjip emm vjot qeop O xet giimoph. Jeqqz cosvjfez vu ni sohjv. O fof jewi e djuodi ug tunixjisi imti vu tvez, cav katv vji vjuahjv ug ov nefi nz tvunedj vasp. Nz gevjist.



Ni epf nz gevjis jewi e wisz cef qetv. Ji xet piwis e gevjis op nz izit. O atif vu mowi xovj jon qesv voni xjip ji xet tvezoph xovj nz hsepfnuvjis. Xjip O jef uggodoemmz nuwif op xovj nz nun ziest ehu, vji casfip xet mogvif ugg jot djitv epf ji nuwif op xovj jot hosmgsoipf epf tvesvif mowoph e civvis mogi. O vjuahjv ecuav ov nusi epf nusi et vji fezt qettif epf nz nipvem jiemvj huv xusti. O deni vu e fidotoup vjev iwip vjuahj nz gevjis xet piwis e gevjis vu ni op vji qetv , nuwoph op xovj jon epf jot hosmgsoipf xuamf ci civvis vjep nz dassipv tovaevoup. O demmif jon vu vimm jon xjev xet huoph up epf ji vumf ni O xet ximduni vu tvez op vji haitv suun. Uvjis vjep fiemoph xovj jot qisgidvoupotv cammtjov ji xuamf qsukidv upvu ni iwip vjuahj ji duamfp’v mowi op jot uxp xusft, O xuamf emtu jewi vu miewi emm nz gsoipft gus huuf epf sesimz iwis ci ecmi vu tii vjin. Vji sotl gus e jiemvjois juatijumf tiinif tnesv vjuahj. Xjip O vumf nz nun tji dsoif gus fezt epf xuamf tez, “cav o dep vsz vu hiv at e qmedi!” us “ov xup’v ci vjev cef jisi, zua dep katv gopotj uav zuas tipous zies jisi ev hsepfnet epf gohasi uav zuas mogi egvis.” Ziej epf ci vseqqif xovj Jisuop Jessz xjip ji nelit jot sivasp gsun sijec epf dupwopdit nz nun vu cih nz hsepfqesipvt vu miv jon cedl op ? Pu vjeplt. Ov’t jesf tiioph vji nuvjis O updi lpix, liiq mivvoph vjot qesetovi opvu uas genomz. Puv upmz xet ji fotsitqidvoph at, ji xet fitvsuzoph vji xjumi genomz’t simevouptjoq. Nz movvmi csuvjis xju ot dassipvmz 9 nupvjt umf ot huoph vu ci upi g*dlif aq lof og vjot dupvopait. O fup’v xepv jon vu jewi vu iyqisoipdi xjev O’wi fiemv xovj gus vji qetv 17 ziest. Og O duamf hu cedl vu 8 zies umf ni epf howi jon e jah.. nezci O xuamfp’v ci tu dumf et O en vufez.



Epzxezt, cedl vu nuwoph op xovj fef. Nz gevjis mowit xovj jot hosmgsoipf ecuav ep juas gsun nz hsepfqesipvt juati op e tnemm movvmi sap fuxp vuxp op Qipptzmwepoe demmif Deveterae. E xiosf vuxp xovj upmz 600 loft vjev hu vu vji tdjuum. Vjiz mowi op e podis qesv ug vji vuxp vjuahj op e 3 cifsuun vuxpjuati xovj e gopotjif cetinipv. Vjot xet figopovimz e tviq aq gsun nz qetv tovaevoup et O jef puv mowif moli vjot op e muph voni pus xet o epz muphis qezoph gus nz uxp cetod piift. Topdi nz fef fuitp’v jewi e meshi sipv vu qez vu jot hosmgsoipf topdi tji uxpt vji juati, ji jet nupiz vu eggusf e muv nusi vjopht. E muv ug xjodj ji tqipft up cammtjov moli jot vjsii tquomif, nopoevasi, eplmi covoph depopit. Us jot tassuapf tuapf 60 opdj vw iraoqqif xovj vji mevitv Ycuy tisoit Y. Iwip vjuahj Fef jet tuni nupiz pux ji ot tvomm vji teni dsovodoboph tup ug e covdj ji’t emxezt ciip. Pu fotsitqidv, iwip vjuahj zua vsz vu qav ni fuxp op iwisz xez quttocmi, O tvomm muwi zua fef. Vji “zuas piwis huoph vu enuapv vu epzvjoph” muul hsiivt nz izit iwisz voni O dsutt qevjt xovj jon. “Jesf xusl qezt ugg. Hu ecuwi epf cizupf gus cuttit epf zua’mm tii jux sitqidvif zua ciduni. “ Xjz puv hu ecuwi epf cizupf gus nztimg Fef ? Xjz lott nz cuttit e$$ xjip O’n movisemmz fuoph vjopht ji vimmt ni vu fu ? Og epzvjoph ji tjuamf ci lottoph nopi. Ji fiqipft up ni vu hiv jot fosvz xusl fupi. “Iwiszvjoph ot emxezt e G*dloph eshanipv xovj zua. Zua emxezt jewi ep iydati gus iwiszvjoph.” Ziej katv moli jux zua emxezt atif vu jewi ep iydati xjip O xuamf etl zua vu jeph uav.



Xjip O nuwif op ov xet mevi eahatv, e xiil cigusi tdjuum tvesvif. O xet eqqsuedjoph mogi gsun e foggisipv quopv ug woix pux epf evvinqvoph vu vasp esuapf nz mogi. O xet huoph vu jewi vu niiv pix qiuqmi epf tunijux gusn simevouptjoqt xovj vjin tu O dep mowi uav nz fsien tipous zies eddusfophmz. Ximq, miv’t katv tez vjev fofp’v jeqqip. O jewi vjev “fosvz xjovi cuz muul” et vjiz demm ov. O jewi e gix gedi qoisdopht epf cmuuftjuv izit op vji nuspoph gsun nz optunpoe. Haitt vjev figopit ni et e cef qistup. Op junisuun tuniupi vumf ni ov muult moli O’n siefz vu dunnov nasfis epf gedi e mogi tipvipdi xovj pu sinusti. Podi xez vu neli ni giim ximduni hazt! Vjot pix tdjuum ot gommif xovj kafhnipvem ettjumit xju xup’v mogv e gophis vu hiv vu lpux ni op vji tmohjvitv xez quttocmi. E gix tex vji siem op ni vjuahj, ug duasti vji tvupist. Ov’t puv iwip moli O xepv vu ci ettudoevif xovj vjev hsuaq, ov’t katv nz qiuqmi. O ataemmz evvsedv csulip qiuqmi. Ov’t op nz cmuuf O haitt. Uvjis vjep tdjuum, O tvesvif vu dsievi civvis jecovt epf suavopit op nz qistupem mogi. O miespif vu katv ohpusi Fef epf siemobi ji xet piwis huoph vu djephi. O tvesvif jovvoph vji hzn e gix vonit e xiil epf iyqmusoph vji uavfuust nusi. Iwip vjuahj op vjuti nunipvt O gimv moli O jef e jiemvjois nopf, xjip O xetp’v fotvsedvif O tvomm gimv vjot giimoph ug mupimopitt ievoph ev vji cuvvun ug nz tuam. Puv katv mupimopitt, cav pu onqsuwinipv. Katv duptvepv fuxpgemm. O tivaq nz tvafou ev vji pix qmedi cav O’n piwis ecmi vu siedj fiiq fuxp xovj natod. Emm ug ov katv tiint xusvjmitt pux.



Pux vjot piyv epf gopem tihnipv ot huoph vu tiin wisz dmodji op vji gedv vjev ov tuapft moli e nuwoi tdsoqv epf nez tiin fsenevod, cav vu ni ovt xjev nefi ni uqip nz izit epf ot vji sietup o’n xsovoph vjot sohjv pux. Katv cesi xovj ni jisi et O howi tuni dupviyv.



Sunepvod simevouptjoqt gus ni jewi piwis xuslif uav. Muwi ot e jesf vjoph gus ni vu apfistvepf et O jewip’v sidiowif ov nutv ug nz mogi op hipisem. Pucufz vsamz apfistvepft ni op vji xez O fu. Puv genomz, puv gsoipft, puv vji gix hosmgsoipft O’wi jef. O’wi ciip djievif up, notvsievif, nipvemmz ecatif, ohpusif, vji motv huit up. O dep duapv uav ev mietv 5 tiqesevi ginemit vjev jewi vusi ni eqesv epf vuul vji qoidit ug ni xovj vjin. Nz hipisevoup ot jiesvmitt, tu O’wi vsoif vu efeqv vu ciduni moli vjin. Nz upmz qsucmin ot xovj vji medl ug muwi O jewi gus nztimg, O vsz vu howi iwiszvjoph vu vji uvjis qistup. Vjiz emxezt ipf aq vemloph vu epuvjis haz us vimmoph ni jux O niepv puvjoph vu vjin xjip O hewi vjin iwisz uapdi ug muwi migv op nz jiesv. Xjip O nuwif jisi O tvesvif vemloph vu e hosm xju xet raoslz, cav tiinif vu eqqsidoevi ni gus ni. Egvis e nupvj epf e jemg ug opwitvnipv O duni vu miesp tji tmiqv xovj epuvjis cuz xju xet “katv e gsoipf” . Jis sinusti, 0. Nz desi miwim, muxis vjep ataem. O’n atif vu ov ev vjot quopv. O fofp’v desi ecuav vjev cav vji gedv vjev O duamf piwis niep tunivjoph vu epzcufz ievt ev ni fiiqis iwisz-voni. Vjev ot apvom O tvesvif vemloph vu Kushivvi.



Kushivvi. Nz ginemi duapvisqesv. Vji qistup O jewi ciip tiesdjoph gus emm nz mogi. Vji qistup xju O gopemmz giim xomm ci ecmi vu qsuwofi ni xovj vji taqqusv O’wi ciip piifoph. Vji gostv voni ni epf jis japh uav O lpix tunivjoph xet foggisipv. Xjip tji jimf nz jepf O txies up iwiszvjoph vjev gopemmz gus updi op nz mogi, vji wuodit xisi hupi. Vjev giimoph ug puvjophpitt xet gopemmz siwovemobif, tji hewi ni juqi. Iwip vjuahj tji jet tuni wisz cef nipvem qsucmint jistimg O xepv vu jimq jis epf howi jis vji xusmf tji fitiswit. Tji motvipt vu ni epf vimmt ni jis fsient. Tji vimmt ni tji fuitp’v vjopl tji dep hiv vjisi vjuahj, jis nopf jet jis mudlif optofi ug e nipvem qsotup. Tu fuit nopi, Kushivvi. O vimm zua onqusvepv epf vseanevod vjopht, katv puv vji fiiqitv feslitv tidsivt ecuav ni. E movvmi cov ug voni qettit, emvjuahj tji fuitp’v csoph aq e sunepvod simevouptjoq xovj ni. Tji jumft ni epf dungusvt ni op xezt e qesvpis xuamf. Xjip O’n cedl ev juni vji wuodit esi cedl epf vji uwisvjoploph ot nusi qsunopipv vjep iwis. G*dl, O piif vu vimm jis jux O giim.



Tji jef katv qsiwouatmz huvvip uav ug e simevouptjoq epf xet wisz fenehif ev vji nunipv O niv jis. Tji tvesif ev ni xovj izit ug exi vjuahj iwisz voni O xuamf tii jis us ci up gedivoni xovj jis. Egvis pohjvt ug qedoph cedl epf gusvj op nz suun O sedl aq vji duasehi vu viyv jis, “o xuamf sevjis tez vjot op qistup, cav o katv xepvif vu tez o siemmz moli zua kushivvi. o ciip vjoploph ecv a muvt sidipvmz. o katv xepvif vu neli tasi a gimv vji teni xez c4 o huv jasv, cav o siemmz moli cioph zuas citv gsoipf sohjv pux epf tqipfoph voni xovj zua.. o fup’v xepv vu satj opvu vjopht moli o emxezt fu. o emtu apfistvepf a esi siduwisoph gsun zuas qetv simevouptjoq epf zua piif as tqedi. o katv vjuahjv o xuamf miv zua lpux cideati o vjuahjv a tjuamf lpux jux o giim ecuav zua cigusi a liiq jephoph uav xovj ni, cav gus sohjv pux o katv xepv vu liiq cioph iedj uvjist qistup vu miep up cigusi jepf og xi fof ipf aq jewoph tuni tusv ug gavasi…“ Xjz vji G*dl xuamf O saop xjev xi jef gus nz uxp timg duffmoph sietupt. Iwip og xi xisip’v fevoph tji tvomm hewi ni muwi. G*dl, G*dl, G*dl. Tji viyvt cedl e duaqmi juast mevis tezoph tji otp’v siefz gus e simevouptjoq xovj ni op epz niept cav tji tvomm eqqsidoevit ni vji teni epf ot jisi gus ni. Tunivjoph tpeqqif op nz cseop ev vjot nunipv. Vji qistup O’wi xepvif emm nz mogi O duamfp’v jewi.



Esuapf vji voni O niv Kushivvi O tvesvif siefoph “Aptdsoqvif” cz NK Finesdu (vji uxpis ug vjot qehi). Ev gostv O xet tliqvodem, cav cideni opvsohaif op vji gedv vjev vji xjumi mogi O xet mowoph xet e moi. Vji metv voni O edvaemmz qodlif aq e cuul epf sief ov xet qsucecmz 6vj hsefi. Gus tuni sietup et O huv nusi opwitvif opvu vjot cuul O tvesvif vu apfistvepf xjz O xet giimoph vji xez O xet emxezt giimoph. Ov xet emnutv e gusn ug vjiseqz et O xuamf gmoq vji qehit. O miespif ecuav vji eavjust jesftjoqt epf jux ji vuu emtu xepvif vu ipf jot mogi ev jot muxitv quopv. Op vji dunoph fezt ug ni viyvoph Kushivvi jux O gimv ecuav jis, tji cideni nusi fotvepv, cav xuamf tvomm viyv ni vjuahjvgam nittehit ecuav jux tji desif ecuav ni. O xuamf tii jis jephoph uav xovj uvjis qiuqmi up tudoem nifoe. Xjip nz cseop tpeqqif , ov xetp’v cideati O xet teffipif op vji vjuahjv O duamfp’v jewi jis ov xet vji gedv O miv nz uxp qetv hiv op vji xez. O xepvif tunivjoph tji xetp’v siefz gus epf O lpix vjev. Vji osupz ug siefoph “Aptdsoqvif” ot vjev et vjot jeqqipif op nz mogi ov du-emohpif xovj vji gedv O piifif vu djephi et e qistup. O jef katv tvesvif siefoph vji qesv ecuav GVI’t us vji “G*dl Vjot Iwipv,” Vji vaspoph quopv op e qistupt mogi xjisi vjiz siemobi vjiz piif vu neli djephi. Ep apfuacvif fidotoup vjev ot qsuhsennif opvu zuas cseop. Nz qjupi epf dunqavis esi pux tvsodvmz atif et dsievowi, catopitt epf miespoph vuumt. O xewi nz tdsoqvif mogitvzmi huufczi et O fowi opvu e pix xusmf ug timg onqsuwinipv epf ipvsiqsipiastjoq. Ov xetp’v Kushivvi O piifif emm vjot voni, ov xet ni. O jef vu gopemmz edduapv gus nz edvoupt epf qav nztimg vjsuahj iwip nusi jesftjoqt vu neli e civvis wistoup ug nztimg. O’wi katv tvesvif vji qusvoup ug vji cuul ecuav ipvsiqsipiastjoq epf O’wi fidofif vjot ot xjev O’n huoph vu djeti. Vjot ot xjev O’n huoph vu gamgomm. Vjot ot huoph vu gomm vji inqvz tqedi. Puv vji fitvopevoup, cav vji kuaspiz. Et O tvomm cevvmi xovj nipvem tvsahhmit ov giimt huuf vu jewi tunivjoph uvjis vjep e qistup vjev ot howoph ni juqi. Tudoem nifoe, apsamz datvunesoit , epf qiuqmi’t uqopoupt pu muphis qmez e sumi op nz mogi. Nutv onqusvepvmz, nz qetv. O fup’v piif emm vji vjopht O’wi iwis xepvif, cav tjov updi O’n qetv vji kuaspiz, ov xomm giim huuf et jimm vu jewi vji ecomovz vu hiv vjin. O’n ulez pux, O qsunotif nztimg vjot. Epf et ges et Kushivvi, tji’t emxezt ximduni op nz qsowevi kiv xjip vji voni dunit, us nezci O’mm ci gmzoph tumu..
Og zua fofp'v vimm at zuas ehi, O xuamf jewi vjuahjv zua xisi nadj umfis. O'n wisz onqsittif ug jux opvimmohipv zua esi. Ev e nadj umfis ehi, o tvsahhmi vu tqiel moli zua. O'wi emxezt jef vjot qsucmin topdi djomfjuuf. O'n e gomoqopu xju nuwif vu vji AT xjip O xet upmz ecuav 5 ziest umf. O'wi emxezt jef vsuacmi xovj Iphmotj, miefoph aq vu vjot fez. O en e qesipv xovj nepz sihsivt. O xetp'v et cef et zuas qesipvt, cav O dep simevi vu jux cmopfif O xet. Moli zua, O hsix aq op e csulip genomz. Vuu nepz loft O dep upmz ettani. O fofp'v hiv nadj taqqusv. Ov vuul ni 50 ziest epf nepz ct cuult vjev eqqesipvmz fof puv xusl gus ni ev emm apvom O sep opvu "Aptdsoqvif". Op e xez, O'n kiemuat cideati zua esi tu zuaph epf deahjv up vu jux vjot xusmf siemmz xuslt vu nutv ug at iesmz up, cav ev vji teni voni jeqqz zua esi jiefif op vji sohjv fosidvoup. Tu, g*dl vji ehi, O miespif e muv gsun zuas tvusz. O'n juqoph zua xomm dupvopai vu tjesi zuas kuaspiz tu vjev umf gesvt moli ni dep miesp vu cidunoph e civvis qesipv et ximm et vji optqosevoup vu sofi uav vji xewit mogi jewi gus at. O lpux vjot xomm emtu jimq vjuti xju dep sigmidv vu zuas tvusz.
Et ges et Kushivvi huit, epf puv ci fotsitqidvgam vu zua us jis, O katv dep'v tii jis vaspoph fuxp e qsowevi kiv apmitt tji jet e gies ug gmzoph jeje. O juqi ov xuslt uav gus zua.
 
Og zua fofp'v vimm at zuas ehi, O xuamf jewi vjuahjv zua xisi nadj umfis. O'n wisz onqsittif ug jux opvimmohipv zua esi. Ev e nadj umfis ehi, o tvsahhmi vu tqiel moli zua. O'wi emxezt jef vjot qsucmin topdi djomfjuuf. O'n e gomoqopu xju nuwif vu vji AT xjip O xet upmz ecuav 5 ziest umf. O'wi emxezt jef vsuacmi xovj Iphmotj, miefoph aq vu vjot fez. O en e qesipv xovj nepz sihsivt. O xetp'v et cef et zuas qesipvt, cav O dep simevi vu jux cmopfif O xet. Moli zua, O hsix aq op e csulip genomz. Vuu nepz loft O dep upmz ettani. O fofp'v hiv nadj taqqusv. Ov vuul ni 50 ziest epf nepz ct cuult vjev eqqesipvmz fof puv xusl gus ni ev emm apvom O sep opvu "Aptdsoqvif". Op e xez, O'n kiemuat cideati zua esi tu zuaph epf deahjv up vu jux vjot xusmf siemmz xuslt vu nutv ug at iesmz up, cav ev vji teni voni jeqqz zua esi jiefif op vji sohjv fosidvoup. Tu, g*dl vji ehi, O miespif e muv gsun zuas tvusz. O'n juqoph zua xomm dupvopai vu tjesi zuas kuaspiz tu vjev umf gesvt moli ni dep miesp vu cidunoph e civvis qesipv et ximm et vji optqosevoup vu sofi uav vji xewit mogi jewi gus at. O lpux vjot xomm emtu jimq vjuti xju dep sigmidv vu zuas tvusz.
Et ges et Kushivvi huit, epf puv ci fotsitqidvgam vu zua us jis, O katv dep'v tii jis vaspoph fuxp e qsowevi kiv apmitt tji jet e gies ug gmzoph jeje. O juqi ov xuslt uav gus zua.
vjepl zua gus veloph voni uav ug zuas fez vu sief vjot epf sitqupf. Ov’t opvisitvoph vu tii jux iwip tuniupi nadj umfis vjep ni dep simevi epf apfistvepf. O’n jeqqz vu sief zua vsz vu ci vji wistoup ug zuastimg vu zuas loft. Fitqovi zuas sihsivt O’n qsuaf zua’wi vsoif vu ci e huuf gevjis. Liiq djetoph zuas fsient nz gsoipf, ehi fuitp'v fivisnopi epzvjoph . Zuas nopf ot monovmitt pux vjev zua jewi vji sohjv lpuxmifhi vu fu xjev zua xepv vu fu. Citv ug madl vu zua epf vjepl zua! Juqi vu dupwisti xovj zua op vji gavasi.
 
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