Just got married... Now I feel restricted and powerless

[brickco]

Not really adding anything new, but something a lot of people miss out on in their attempts at fastlane: Maslow's Hierarchy.

You've usually got to take care of the bottom 3 first. If not, your mind won't be in a good place to accomplish the top 2 and it will be a lot harder.

 

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[Kak]

@ChickenHawk

You kicked this thread's a$$.

 

[H. Palmer]

Nope this is called bullshit. But I digress.

Would you care to elaborate why drop shipping is bullshit?

 

[Vigilante]

Would you care to elaborate why drop shipping is bullshit?

1. unsustainable
2. lack of control
3. lack of margin
4. bottom feeding
5. usually upcharging stupid customers over market value, screwing customers (arbitrage model only)
6. potential to wreck brand owner feedback
7. usually unauthorized
8. it's not a "business"
9. no barrier to entry, and zero value add

and

10. we hate them, and we (by we I mean KAK and I).

Drop shipping is better than retail arbitrage (which are the true bottom feeders) but one usually leads to the other.

Other than that, I don't have any strong feelings about it.

But, since the subject of this OP was him hating on his wife and subsequent loving her after birthday weekend, we should return to the OP.

 

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[Mr.B]

If you let her control you, you've lost your masculinity.

Dude, seriously, take the freaking risk and do what YOU have to do to make that cash flow in to your pockets.

Time isn't stopping for anyone: Not you or her or the baby at hand.

This has to be some of the worst advice I've seen given here...

@dompie85 I'm glad you and your wife are figuring things out.

Don't forget what's really important.

 

[94blackbird]

If you let her control you, you've lost your masculinity.

Dude, seriously, take the freaking risk and do what YOU have to do to make that cash flow in to your pockets.

Time isn't stopping for anyone: Not you or her or the baby at hand.

Wow just wow. I can't even find anything intelligent to say to this. The level of ignorance is just astounding.

@dompie85 There is plenty of good advice here and I am glad that you and your wife are communicating. That has been the key to keeping my marriage on good terms. Take care of what's important, then start looking for opportunities once you have your responsibilities covered. Keep your head up, stay calm, work hard, be vigilant and the rest will take care of itself.

 

[Kak]

Would you care to elaborate why drop shipping is bullshit?

I don't. What you think is drop shipping and what drop shipping really is are two different things.

You didn't start a business. Selling Amazon items on eBay is scammy bullshit bro.

Drop shipping is a supply chain strategy for a real business; it is not its own business.

 

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[Kak]

1. unsustainable
2. lack of control
3. lack of margin
4. bottom feeding
5. usually upcharging stupid customers over market value, screwing customers (arbitrage model only)
6. potential to wreck brand owner feedback
7. usually unauthorized
8. it's not a "business"
9. no barrier to entry, and zero value add

and

10. we hate them, and we (by we I mean KAK and I).

Drop shipping is better than retail arbitrage (which are the true bottom feeders) but one usually leads to the other.

Other than that, I don't have any strong feelings about it.

But, since the subject of this OP was him hating on his wife and subsequent loving her after birthday weekend, we should return to the OP.

Vig, he straight up explained retail arbitrage and called it drop shipping.

 

[Vigilante]

Vig, he straight up explained retail arbitrage and called it drop shipping.

Bottom rung of the bottom feeders

 

[H. Palmer]

1. unsustainable
2. lack of control
3. lack of margin
4. bottom feeding
5. usually upcharging stupid customers over market value, screwing customers (arbitrage model only)
6. potential to wreck brand owner feedback
7. usually unauthorized
8. it's not a "business"
9. no barrier to entry, and zero value add

and

10. we hate them, and we (by we I mean KAK and I).

Drop shipping is better than retail arbitrage (which are the true bottom feeders) but one usually leads to the other.

Other than that, I don't have any strong feelings about it.

But, since the subject of this OP was him hating on his wife and subsequent loving her after birthday weekend, we should return to the OP.

Vig, these are all known drawbacks, at least to me, but OP's problem is not how to build a sustainable fast lane business right now.

His aim is to feed his family.

Using drop shipping or any other form of retail arbitrage technique can produce more than enough income for him for years to come.

There are people making more than 100 grand per year doing that, year after year.

I was trying to be helpful to the guy and I still think he should seriously consider it.

 

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[H. Palmer]

Vig, he straight up explained retail arbitrage and called it drop shipping.

I really don't see what this kind of nit picking adds to the discussion.

It's certainly not anything that adds value to the OP.

Drop shipping can be applied to retail arbitrage with the special feature that you don't have to handle the product.

If the word "drop shipping" itself wouldn't indicate that, 5 minutes of googling would point it out to the OP.

It's a great model for start-up entrepreneurs starved for cash.

My comment wasn't meant as a detailed instruction for him what to do.

Just a quick heads up what he could do in his situation coming from a point with no money and a family in trouble.

 

[H. Palmer]

I don't. What you think is drop shipping and what drop shipping really is are two different things.

You didn't start a business. Selling Amazon items on eBay is scammy bullshit bro.

Drop shipping is a supply chain strategy for a real business; it is not its own business.

See my other post.

I'm just trying to be helpful to a guy in need.

Besides I'm not selling anything on eBay, let alone scam people.

You overreact.

 

[jason91]

I really don't see what this kind of nit picking adds to the discussion.

It's certainly not anything that adds value to the OP.

Drop shipping is a form of retail arbitrage, with as a special feature that you don't have to handle the product.

If the word "drop shipping" itself wouldn't indicate that, 5 minutes of googling would point it out to the OP.

It's a great model for start-up entrepreneurs starved for cash.

My comment wasn't meant as a detailed instruction for him what to do.

Just a quick heads up what he could do in his situation coming from a point with no money and a family in trouble.

I don't think its nitpicking.. The fact is retail arbitrage is not the same as drop-shipping.

Drop-shipping involves dealing with wholesalers and manufacturers. (This means you get it at a wholesale price)

When you buy off of amazon and resell it on ebay - You are essentially buying at a lower RETAIL price and reselling at higher RETAIL price.

Best Buy, Walmart, many other big box retailers use drop-shipping, but buying retail and reselling retail is not = dropshipping

 

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[H. Palmer]

I don't think its nitpicking.. The fact is retail arbitrage is not the same as drop-shipping.

Drop-shipping involves dealing with wholesalers and manufacturers. (This means you get it at a wholesale price)

When you buy off of amazon and resell it on ebay - You are essentially buying at a lower RETAIL price and reselling at higher RETAIL price.

Best Buy, Walmart, many other big box retailers use drop-shipping, but buying retail and reselling retail is not = dropshipping

Jason, all that is true and relevant for entrepreneurs at an advanced level.

You guys are really missing the point here.

This is an OP that probably never had a business, he now has a family in need and he is just looking for a way to make some cash.

 

[Ma Co]

Your wife is at her most vulnerable. She's uncomfortable, she's scared of the near future, she's worried about the rest of your lives.

Your JOB is to reassure her that everything will be alright. That you have it all under control. That you're resourceful.

Darn, you nailed it beautifully!

It's so easy to get stuck in ego-fog-mode that we forget about the other person's worries.

We just need these clarion-calls once in a while.

 

[Kak]

Jason, all that is true and relevant for entrepreneurs at an advanced level.

You guys are really missing the point here.

This is an OP that probably never had a business, he now has a family in need and he is just looking for a way to make some cash.

That doesn't make it any less scammy. People need to take personal responsibility for where they are in life. It looks like the OP did that, which is good.

Starting bullshit like the aforementioned scam is clearly not going to be a sustainable, scalable, sellable... Just to scrape out some single digit profit margin? Some people just don't get it.

 

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[H. Palmer]

That doesn't make it any less scammy. People need to take personal responsibility for where they are in life. It looks like the OP did that, which is good.

Starting bullshit like the aforementioned scam is clearly not going to be a sustainable, scalable, sellable... Just to scrape out some single digit profit margin? Some people just don't get it.

This only confirms that you don't get it.

Retail arbitrage and drop shipping retail to retail are legitimate business models as long as you deliver your customers what they paid for just like any other business does.

There are thousands of people doing it, making up to 1 million a year and more and the platforms involved have never raised a finger.

Discriminating between wholesalers and retailers on the supply side is a thing of the past. It's pre-internet logic.

The OP doesn't need a fast lane. He doesn't even know what that is and he doesn't care.

He is not looking for a business model that will make him 10 million in 10 years, having control, entry and all that.
That kind of logic is wasted on him.

There is a baby in 2 months. He needs cash now. Quick. Short term. Now!

I hope he runs with it.

And when he's making enough, then he has time enough to draw up a fast lane model.

Let's hope by that time he has learned enough by starting out simple.

 

[Vigilante]

This only confirms that you don't get it.

Retail arbitrage and drop shipping retail to retail are legitimate business models as long as you deliver your customers what they paid for just like any other business does.

There are thousands of people doing it, making up to 1 million a year and more and the platforms involved have never raised a finger.

Discriminating between wholesalers and retailers on the supply side is a thing of the past. It's pre-internet logic.

The OP doesn't need a fast lane. He doesn't even know what that is and he doesn't care.

He is not looking for a business model that will make him 10 million in 10 years, having control, entry and all that.
That kind of logic is wasted on him.

There is a baby in 2 months. He needs cash now. Quick. Short term. Now!

I hope he runs with it.

And when he's making enough, then he has time enough to draw up a fast lane model.

Let's hope by that time he has learned enough by starting out simple.

Let's let this topic go. Create a separate thread if you want to explore the pros and cons of retail arbitrage so that this thread can stay within the original intent for the OP.

 

[bringitnow28329]

Why are guys still buying into this crock of shiot that you need to get married and have kids? You do not need to be married. You can have kids without being married and just have a lawyer draft a contract. Then there's no risk you will lose half your networth. If a women tries to force you into marriage and doesn't understand or support your entrepreneurial endeavors, she is not the right women. At the very least you must have a prenupt or you are a complete fool. It's not the 1950's. Women have rights and can work. They don't need to and should not be supported. You certainly should not have kids when you aren't in a financial situation to support those kids and that means if you never are in a position where you can comfortably pay for your kids, then you should NOT have kids period. This is what people don't seem to understand. They think getting married and having kids is just what you do and everyone has the right to do that. That's not the case. You are being selfish if you do this to your kids.

 

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[Mr.B]

Why are guys still buying into this crock of shiot that you need to get married and have kids? You do not need to be married. You can have kids without being married and just have a lawyer draft a contract. Then there's no risk you will lose half your networth. If a women tries to force you into marriage and doesn't understand or support your entrepreneurial endeavors, she is not the right women. At the very least you must have a prenupt or you are a complete fool. It's not the 1950's. Women have rights and can work. They don't need to and should not be supported. You certainly should not have kids when you aren't in a financial situation to support those kids and that means if you never are in a position where you can comfortably pay for your kids, then you should NOT have kids period. This is what people don't seem to understand. They think getting married and having kids is just what you do and everyone has the right to do that. That's not the case. You are being selfish if you do this to your kids.

It's easy to spot the boys in this thread.

Did someone hurt you @bringitnow28329?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

It's easy to spot the boys in this thread.

Why are guys still buying into this crock of shiot that you need to get married and have kids? You do not need to be married. You can have kids without being married and just have a lawyer draft a contract. Then there's no risk you will lose half your networth. If a women tries to force you into marriage and doesn't understand or support your entrepreneurial endeavors, she is not the right women. At the very least you must have a prenupt or you are a complete fool. It's not the 1950's. Women have rights and can work. They don't need to and should not be supported. You certainly should not have kids when you aren't in a financial situation to support those kids and that means if you never are in a position where you can comfortably pay for your kids, then you should NOT have kids period. This is what people don't seem to understand. They think getting married and having kids is just what you do and everyone has the right to do that. That's not the case. You are being selfish if you do this to your kids.

I'd like to keep this thread open...

However, if it derails into a get married / don't get married hijack, it's going to end. Please direct these discussions to the marriage thread-- there's 10 pages there.

Thank you.

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...p-dont-get-married-or-maybe-you-should.59093/

 

[JaxAttacks]

Yes. Me and @johnp are both married and just getting our legs under us with our respective ventures...and we both have a wife that is very understanding and part of the process of building our business.

With that said, I know my wife would pretty much hang me if we only had 10K in the bank, were living with my parents and I refused to get a job with our kid only 3 weeks away.

You need to build your life from the ground up, starting with you, and then touching all of those you come in contact with.

You can't change your wife, but you would be surprised at how changes in you can impact her moods, her tolerances and her understanding of your situation.

This is a very difficult topic because it's so complicated, and no single post can really address all the things that need to come together for this to work.

But based on your previous posts, you seem all over the place and not really sure how to add value.

If you are lost and confused, then get into sales, support your family and kick a$$.

This is great advice! Personally, I just realized this wisdom recently and I've stopped trying to change my wife and just change myself.
When she sees the person you become and the success you have, she'll be more likely to follow your lead.

 

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[Mr.B]

I just realized this wisdom recently and I've stopped trying to change my wife and just change myself.

Absolutely. We cannot change others, only ourselves (if we are focused and committed).

We can also change:

1. Our responses to their actions. If someone is being frustrating, we can instead find something to be grateful for about them. We can see their virtues instead of their faults. We can change our expectations of them, and instead accept them for the beautiful person they are.
2. Our intention for them. Instead of wanting them to change, we can offer guidance in the spirit of helping, but not expect them to accept that guidance. We can show them a way that might be helpful, but not demand they follow that way.
3. Our example for them. If someone gets angry all the time (and you don’t like that), instead of getting angry back, be the example. How should they deal with frustrations if not through anger? Show them. Be calm. Be loving and gentle and compassionate.
4. Ourselves. Try changing yourself, and see how easy that is. It’s actually pretty hard. Try changing your diet, or your responses to people. It’s doable, but far from easy. If it’s not easy for you to change, why should we expect everyone else to change, and get frustrated when they don’t? Why should everyone else but you change? Why not change to adapt to the reality of the world around you, instead of expecting the world to bend to your desires?

(Source)

 

[Andy Black]

Great poem quoted by @IceCreamKid here:

Let us gently leave the bed,
Quietly tiptoe out of the darkened room
And into the morning light.
Let us play here.
Let us not shake others in their beds.
They are sleeping because they require rest.
When they reawaken and hear us playing,
They shall come and join us.




Another great line I love is:

Tell me what you've done, and I'll tell you who you are.

What I've found works with my wife is to not talk about what I'm going to do, but to talk about what I've done.


Over time she keeps seeing me bringing in the money and keeping the roof over our heads. She gets less worried that I don't have a J.O.B.

Her confidence is higher. She is happier. I'm allowed a freer rein to try other things.

She's happier not because of what I say I'm going to do, but because of what I say I've done.

Show, don't tell.

 

[qu1ksilver]

You've made some choices that require huge commitment and its now time to deliver. Pretty much been said 100 times in this thread now but i agree you've got to begin by getting the 9 - 5 job.

 

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[dompie85]

@Andy Black, I figured that out recently, but I didn't really understand that thats how I was recently operating until I read what you wrote

Tell me what you've done, and I'll tell you who you are.

What I've found works with my wife is to not talk about what I'm going to do, but to talk about what I've done.


Over time she keeps seeing me bringing in the money and keeping the roof over our heads. She gets less worried that I don't have a J.O.B.

Her confidence is higher. She is happier. I'm allowed a freer rein to try other things.

She's happier not because of what I say I'm going to do, but because of what I say I've done.

Show, don't tell.

Wanted to check back in guys.

Andy, I have noticed that. Who cares what I say I am going to do, It's what I have to show for. What has been done. In the original case, nothing was done except for 10k sitting in the bank (its still there by the way, have no intention on touching it at the moment)
This is not fastlane, but I have since started my web design llc. Freelancing + Working. I have yet to come up with an innovation that might have an impact on society.

BTW, is there a thread of how I can rid myself of my current mentality? I need some help, even after almost completing the book. I am being haunted by my arrogant side and I know I need to change that. I need help there.

P.S. for those who might think i am ignorant, lazy, or a pussy. I understand your point of view. Im not bi-polar either btw. I have realized I have some issues I need to change (mostly a lack of motivation due to not seeing incentive) and am working on changing that. When I am ready I will start a progress thread. Let me fix myself first.

 

[RMarques]

I just wanted to let you know that you have a TON of things on your side right now.
You are at the beginning of a great journey of self discovery.
If you rise to the challenge, you will look back on your hard times and smile.
I know what it's like to feel like you're at the bottom and there's so much pressure to make something out of nothing.. but that's probably the best thing that will happen to you.

 

[Mr.B]

BTW, is there a thread of how I can rid myself of my current mentality? I need some help, even after almost completing the book. I am being haunted by my arrogant side and I know I need to change that. I need help there.

Sounds like you might need some ice cream...

 

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[Andy Black]

^^^ You beat me to it Mr B.


I also recommend some Mr Lex:

• www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/how-to-make-1-000-a-week-with-no-degree-no-feedback-no-portfolio.58837

... and maybe a bit of Justin Jackson:

• http://justinjackson.ca/help-the-crowd

 

[theag]

mostly a lack of motivation due to not seeing incentive

What the F*ck?

How about 1) you're broke and cant provide for your family right now, 2) you're still living with your parents, 3) your kid. If none of those are incentives for you, then you are pretty f*cked up.